Friendship is Volatile

Locks was feeling fantastic. So what if the ponies didn't have any meat on their menus, they had banana chocolate chip pancakes and coffee. After two stacks of the delicious things and four cups of strong black coffee he felt like a million bucks. The only damper on the morning was a certain irate pegasus who was poking at her own half eaten stack of pancakes.

"What's the matter Dashie? Are you mad because I'm still not giving you the dick?"

Their waitress happened to be trotting up to refresh his coffee, and it pained him to see the pot of pure bliss fall to the ground.

"WHY?! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS SO EARLY IN THE MORNING!"

"BECAUSE YOU DON'T HOLD ME AFTER WE MAKE LOVE!"

"WE ARE NOT BUCKING!"

"YEAH WE AREN'T! I WON'T GIVE IT TO YOU HARD AND DIRTY ANYMORE!"

Dashie seemed to be a little on the strained side today, so instead of her usual growling and glaring she went flying over the table with her hooves digging into his chest and driving him out of his chair onto his back. Like any man with something either burning them or attached in an awful way to the body Locks started rolling furiously on the ground in an attempt to dislodge her. Unfortunately Dashie had no intention of being shaken off, and wrapped her back legs around his waist.

"I SAID I WAS GOING TO BUCK YOU UP! TAKE IT LIKE A STALLION!"

"I LOVE IT WHEN YOU'RE ROUGH WITH ME!"

There was a small crowd gathering around the two, and Locks actually started laughing when he felt the mare currently riding his back throw her front hooves around his neck and started biting his head.

"YOU'RE BUCKING SICK! JUST DIE ALREADY!"

They both stopped dead when they saw the flash of a camera, and turning towards the source Pinkie Pie snapped another shot and placed the produced picture into the small saddlebag on her back.

"Pinkie.... Give me those pictures......"

"No can do Dashie! I have to keep such precious pictures of you two having your first date!"

It took everything he had to keep Dashie against his body as he held the mare down.

"RUN PINK HORSE RUN!"

Once more he found himself wrestling the ticked off pegasus, this time though he was basically riding her to keep the pony from chasing after her retreating friend.

"Sup Rainbow Dash."

Seeing as the mare froze Locks arched an eyebrow as he got to his feet and looked towards the voice. There were two pegasi standing behind him. Both wore some kind of form fitting body suit and while one had goggles and a mask on the smaller of the two had the mask pulled down. By the voice she was a yellow mare with orange spiky hair and smirking at Dashie.

"Didn't know you liked this place Dash.... Or fooling around with.... Whatever that thing is."

"It... I.... But!"

"I'm not a thing satchel ass."

Dead silence. Almost like horror movie silence where the only sound was the collective inhale of breath. The mare that had called him a thing was looking at him in mild shock. It was the other pony with her that broke the silence.

"This is Spitfire.... The captain of the Wonderbolts..... the best flyers in the world.... the best flyer in the world...."

"Bro. You're never going to wash the shit off of your muzzle if your head goes any further up her ass. She called me a thing, I called her a wide load, I don't really care about that other stuff."

A slow vicious smile spread across Spitfire's muzzle, and with that same agonizingly slowness she lifted into the air until they were eye level.

"No pony has talked to me that way in years...."

"I'm not a pony, and I'll talk the talk and walk the walk. Can ya dig it Chiquita?"

"Oooooooooh so you have balls and a spine huh? I wonder how easy it would be to break them."

This was the second pony that Locks couldn't easily heckle. Rainbow Dash might have gotten angry or even a little rough but she was nothing compared to the hot streak Luna had in her. Dashie might rough him up, but Luna would have turned him inside out this morning if he didn't have an ace ready. Spitfire was a lot like Luna, and while her eyes weren't turning white with killing magic he could see easily enough that she wouldn't hesitate to stomp in into the dirt.

He didn't have an ace with her, and he couldn't back down without looking like a little bitch so he did the next best thing. He licked the pony from the bottom of her muzzle to the tip of her nose right before he closed the distance so that their foreheads were touching. If you can't beat them then bluff and pray for survival.

"I tongued princess Luna just a few hours ago Spitfire, and since I'm boss enough to get away with it I think my balls can handle a gal like you."

She looked like she was about to snap the moment he licked her, but the mare's eyes widened at his blatant statement. He had her, he just needed a little bit more....

"You're bucking lying. Princess Luna would have turned you inside out if you pulled that shit with her."

His hands came around with all the force he could muster into them and landed with resounding smacks on either sides of her ass.

"I would have done it to Celestia, but Luna was being pushy this morning. She tasted like buttered popcorn."

It was weird watching he eyes narrow with pure rage and then widen once more at the comment about Luna's taste. So there he was, his hands firmly gripping a pegasus' ass and his forehead pushing against Spitfire's. He was expecting a lot of things from the best flyer in Equestria, maybe a hoof to the jaw or a hateful rebuke or maybe even getting bucked to death. What he didn't expect was her eyes growing terribly soft and half lidded. The kind of way you'd see a lady in the bedroom. That and the tongue.

Ponies had long tongues. Really long, really dextrous, and thicker tongues than humans did. Suddenly feeling said appendage swirl around the very personal space inside his mouth had him reeling back and on his ass, spiting and gagging. Spitfire on the other hand was laughing her fat ass off.

"Awww what's the matter baby? You can put out, but you can't take a little bit of you're own medicine."

"That was sick woman! I have no idea where your mouth's been!"

Before he could get to his feet Spitfire was on top of him pinning his shoulders to the ground with her front hooves.

"I like you, whatever you are. If half the shit you talk is true then you're alright in my book. Slap my ass again though and you'll be cleaning it with your tongue."

Sexual harassment in the amusing context was always nice to work over on the ponies. They seemed really shy on the subject so that was the first thing he went for. It didn't seem like it worked on Spitfire though, and his mind was thoroughly against continuing down that path. His pride, and his dick to be more precise had a different train of thought where he should slap her ass and show her who has the cock between the two of them.

So slap her ass he did, this time with a sensual squeeze added for good measure.

"Since you're so obsessed with tongues I've got something for you to clean sexy."

Gay chicken. Locks had seen other straight men pull some of the most homosexual acts with each other to prove their straightness. It was a completely retarded game that made no sense, and Locks had sworn he'd never play such a stupid game. He wasn't playing exactly the same game with Spitfire since she was a woman after all, but since she was a pony it was so damn close it sent a chill down his spine. His blood froze when she spoke.

"I've got work to do Stud, but there's a special occasion coming in a few days. We'll finish what we started then. What's your name big boy?"

"Locks...."

"His name's Lockette!"

"YOU FESTERING CUNTBAG!"

"Oooooh baby, I can't wait to make you my bitch Lockette~ I'll see you at practice in a couple of weeks Dash, make sure Lockette here gets plenty of rest."

With that the two pegasi went into the restaurant, leaving him alone with the giggling child beside him. Getting up and dusting himself off again Locks gave a few more bits to their waitress for the trouble, and trudged back to the Library with Dashie laughing the whole way. He should have listened to his brain, he shouldn't have done it, but he convinced himself that everything would be fine. So Spitfire was into that kind of thing, he was sure just stating his discomfort would have her see reason.

"I'm going to video tape your ass getting wrecked by Spitfire!"

"I ain't scared of no spiky haired pony Dash, besides its not like she's going to actually do anything. We were just fooling around."

"I'll just tell her your a nutless little prick who's backing down then."

"Listen here cuntbag, I'm not backing down from shit! And I'll be damned if I get one-overed by a talking pony."

"Oooooo someone sounds like they're nervous......"

Sighing with irritation he let Rainbow Dash have her jabs as they made their way towards the library. Once they made it inside though there were a couple of new ponies he hadn't seen before. Twilight was there sipping tea with Rarity, Spike chowing down on what looked like a muffin but the two new mares or at least he really fucking hoped they were mares by how girly they looked, smiled up at him.

They were twins, with inverse colored hair and coats, the blue one with pink hair rising with her sister and trotting over offering to shake his hand.... hoofs.... whatever.

"Monsieur Locks? It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Le plaisir est pour moi. Je n'ai pas eu le privilège de rencontrer deux d'entre vous..."

Locks knelled to take her hoof in his hand, and gently kissed the end of it smiling up at the twins. The sound of shattering glassware had him smiling all the more with Twilight and Rarity gawking at him in shock.

"Monsieur Locks.... Je ne savais pas que vous parliez notre langue..."

"Je suis encore très nouveau ici, mais permettez-nous changeons de commune pour le bien de nos amis."

The twins giggled at this, the pink one turning to Rarity."

"Madame Rarity... You did not tell us Mr. Locks was so well spoken or a gentlecolt."

"I..... I didn't know he could speak another language......"

Blue smiled fondly at him before speaking again.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Locks. My name is Lotus, and this is my twin Aloe. Madame Rarity told us of a particular stallion looking for a job as a spa pony..."

"I would love some normality after coming here the way I did Lotus, I'm certain just about every pony in town heard at least some kind of rumor about me floating around."

Aloe picked up for her sister when she looked away with a blush.

"We did hear of you Mr. Locks.... but the rumors were of a.... coarse male."

"A bit of a cover if I do say so myself Aloe. I'd prefer to retain something of a negative image. It keeps ponies from prying into a personal life that I'd rather not delve into at the moment. I assure you my dear twins, my professional manner is far more inviting and relaxing than how I may act on the streets."

They looked at each other for a moment before both smiled up at him.

"If you have a moment to spare tomorrow Mr. Locks, we'd love to chat a bit more on your employment. We must be going though, Rarity called us over to meet you and it has been a pleasure."

"The pleasure was mine my dear twins. Take care of yourselves now, and don't work too hard."

With two more kisses for each of the twins hooves they departed, leaving him alone with the still gawking trio.

"What? Y'all were the ones acting like crazy bitches when I first got here...."