Like Sisters, Probably

I woke up early. Maybe Sweetie bumped me or something in her sleep or whatever, but we were both lying on the couch and it wasn’t comfortable at all and I woke up.

And then panic hit me. Like, full on, proper panic. I suddenly couldn’t come up with a single little part of my life I could possibly think of that was free from how badly I bucked up.

I scrambled off the couch and just stood there for a minute. I was breathing hard, but I couldn’t get enough air or something. So I just stood there. Sweetie mumbled something in her sleep a bit, but didn’t get up, so I looked at her and the house.

It was like the feeling of being nervous for something huge that was going to happen, and I was hoping it would hurry up and happen so it would be over with, but it couldn’t happen because it already did. I was just stuck there, feeling like that, waiting for the feeling to wear off, but it wouldn’t.

My eyes somehow focused on a cup sitting on the table. I recognized the cup—Sweetie must have brought it over from her sister’s. I had this weird feeling where I wanted to go back to that time when I could look at that cup and the cup would be great and everything was good, but the cup was something that was part of the world where everything was totally bucked. So was the table and the plates from last night and the comic books and that dusted lamp and more than all of them put together, Sweetie Belle.

I had to leave. I instantly went from not being able to move to not being able to stay there for another single second.

All at once I knew where I needed to be right then. The last place where all of this shit hadn’t touched yet, probably. I ran out the door, barely remembering to lock it as I went out.

The sun wasn’t even quite up. It was greyish out—just a hint of light as the night faded. Trains wouldn’t be running yet. My mind was spinning like it was going about a dozen times faster than normal, but wasn’t actually thinking about anything. My heart was still racing. I felt like I would never tire out again.

I jumped into the air and took off.

* * *

After a few hours of flying, my body was starting to burn. Strangely, I didn’t feel tired, really. I just felt the burning.

I started off flying hard, and kept it up quite a while before settling into a long-distance pace. Usually I hated long-distance flying—because of that burning. I mean, after just a little while that constant excursion got really uncomfortable. Going long distance is only half about the strength of your body, and more about enduring the feeling telling you to stop, it’s too much work. Like some kind of weird, annoying thing that wasn’t quite pain, but unpleasant enough to be something you wanted to make stop.

It wasn’t that exciting rush from doing tricks—just a monotonous draining feeling that never stopped. Like that kind of torture when they just drip water on your forehead until you go insane.

At that moment, though, it was nice. It was something solid and tangible to focus on. The burning of the physical excursion took over my brain. There was no room to think about anything after a bit of hard flying. I guess there’s a bunch of ponies that like doing marathons and long-distance running or flying and stuff—maybe they’re all depressed or losing their minds from how badly they screwed up their lives. Or maybe they just started off that way. Maybe I was going to become one of them once all this was over.

After about a million blissfully excruciating hours of flying, I came upon Canterlot. It was getting into the evening. I probably would have made about the same time if I’d just waited for the train. But sitting at the train station thinking about everything would’ve have probably driven me insane.

I landed aways from the gates, and then walked up to them. I got by without too much trouble besides a bit of a funny look when I said I was coming from Ponyville and, you know, wasn’t arriving by train. The guard was cool about it though, and didn’t actually make me admit I was completely insane and had flown all the way there, which was nice. You know, he probably thought I was one of those crazy marathon fliers.

By that point I was tired. Like, outrageously tired and also unbelievably hungry. I had stopped a few times at those roadside stalls between Ponyville and Canterlot for food, on the way, but still.

I more or less staggered over to the university area and found some places selling random stuff that was something you’d think was food if you didn’t look to carefully, selling for ridiculously high prices. It tasted like it was pretty much the best thing I’d ever eaten because of how tired and hungry I was, though, which was nice. It was good to have another thing that could take my mind off the things I was trying not to think about. Which was pretty much any thought I could possibly have.

When the eating was done—I have no idea what it was that I’d got, it was a complete blur—I headed off to a part of the campus that I thought might be the right one. I was pretty sure I knew where I was going, but asked a pony that looked like a college student, just in case. No one really looked twice at me as I went along. Guess I passed well enough for a student.

Anyway, I found the right room eventually. It was Sunday, so I figured there was no classes. I knocked on the door. It opened and there was a grey pony with a way-too-done-up mane.

I blinked.

“Silver bucking Spoon!” I said. “They hay are you doing here?”

She blinked right back at me, then that unimpressed look that was always stuck on her face somehow got even more unimpressed.

“Kay, first, that extra word you put in the middle of my name doesn’t go there. Second, I live here—your line is ‘Hi Silver Spoon!’, after which I’m the one who says ‘they hay are you doing here?’ ” She shifted her weight to the other side and readjusted her unimpressed look. “Third, I presume you’re here to see Apple Bloom, in which case I’ll remind you that you know her and I are roommates. You helped us move in. You’ve stayed over here before. We’ve had conversations together here. You were fairly drunk all those times, but even so.”

“Really?” I tried hard to think back on it—something slowly started to creep back into the mess in my head that had to do with Silver Spoon sharing a dorm with Apple Bloom. It definitely seemed like something that might be true, is what I felt.

“Huh,” was what I said. “Well, uh, you seem to be doing well or whatever.”

Silver Spoon looked me up and down. “And you look awful. Like, you’re seriously a mess.” She turned around and called Apple Bloom without me having to say anything else to her, and then she went inside and I followed her.

Then Apple Bloom walked up, and she was like a bucking angel of the bucking apple orchards here to put all my troubles to rest with her annoyed eye roll and condescending sigh, which she did one of each as soon as she saw me.

“Okay, Scootaloo, what in the hay kind of shit did you get yourself into this time?”

I ran up and hugged her. “Yeah,” I said, “It’s pretty bad this time.”

So Apple Bloom got me sat down and got me a cider, and told me to start. Except Silver Spoon was still there for some reason.

“Um... and Silver Spoon’s gonna leave now?” I asked Bloom.

“Aw,” said Silver Spoon. “I wanted to hear Scootaloo’s tale of woes.”

“No way.”

“Oh, come on,” said Silver Spoon, “let me stay. Maybe I could help!”

“Silver, please,” said Apple Bloom. “Do you think you could just step out for a little bit?”

Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. “Fine. You guys are lame. It’s probably a dumb story anyway.” She got up to go. “Geez, being kicked out of my own house.”

“Sorry,” said Apple Bloom, “it’s just for a bit.”

“So that’s what being on the other side of that feels like,” I said.

“What?” said Silver Spoon, looking back.

“Maybe I’m an ass.”

“That’s likely,” said Silver Spoon, and went to the door. “Alright, I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thanks,” said Apple Bloom.

“But you’re letting me have some of the good cider next time your sister sends some.”

“Alright, that’s fair.”

“And some zap apple jam.”

“Fine.”

“And you’re buying me food later.”

“Don’t push it.”

“Hang on, are you guys a thing?” I asked. I couldn’t help but smile a bit. This was exactly the distraction I’d been hoping for when I’d left for Canterlot.

Silver Spoon gasped outrageously, and Bloom just laughed.

“No!” said Silver Spoon. “There’s at least one out of your little trio’s that’s not into mares, you know.” Silver Spoon stuck her chin up in the air. “Apple Bloom has a boyfriend.”

I spun to look at Bloom, who actually blushed a bit.

“Now that’s hardly got anything to do with anything, here,” said Bloom.

“Holy shit, Bloom, no friggin way!” I said. “Who the heck is this poor colt that has to deal with you?” This was good. I felt good.

“Oh, no. Nice try—still gonna hear you’re stuff first. Talkin about my boyfriend comes later.”

I felt everything sink back down a bit. It still felt a better, though. I was happy I was there. It wasn’t the first time I’d been to visit Bloom when something went totally wrong. I hadn’t been there since way back in her second year there, though, back when I was still in college, too.

“Alright,” I said. Then something occurred to me. “Wait, Silver Spoon—you said ‘one out of our trio’? You knew Sweetie’s into mares?”

“Uh, yeah. Along with everyone else ever.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re saying you really don’t know that?”

“I do but, uh...” I kind of trailed off. “I just found out,” I finished.

“Oh,” said Silver Spoon. “Oh,” she said again, looking to the side. “Alright—yeah. I should really go.”

She was just about to grab for the doorknob when a knock at the door made her jump back. She opened the door.

“Silver bucking Spoon?!” came from the other side.

Silver Spoon turned back to us. “And here’s the other one. Good luck Apple Bloom. I’m out.”

She pushed passed the pony in the doorway.

The pony at the door came in. It was Sweetie Belle, of course. And looking at the clock told me it was right about the time the train from Ponyville would’ve come in. If I’d waited for the train, we probably would’ve ran into each other at the Ponyville station.

Me and her just looked at each other for a minute. Bloom looked between the two of us.

“Ha, ha. Ha... haha,” I said, pointing at her.

She pointed back at me and replied in much the same way.

Then I smooshed a hoof in my face and Sweetie sat where she was and looked up at the ceiling.

“Of course we both came running to Apple Bloom,” she said.

“Where else do go when you bucked everything up?” I said.

“Yeah...”

“Okay,” said Apple Bloom. “What in the hay happened here?”

“We slept together,” said Sweetie.

Bloom stared at us. “As in...”

“As in yes, there was sex,” I said.

“While she was dating Rainbow Dash.”

“You two really... hang on, you were dating Rainbow Dash? When did this happen?”

“Last night,” said Sweetie Belle at the same time I said, “A few months ago.”

Apple Bloom put her hoof in her face. “Come over here Sweetie. Grab a cider and you two brainless wonders are gonna start from the beginning.”

* * *

So we told her everything that happened, more or less, but in no particular order. I think she got a general picture of the whole thing by the end, though. She totally lost it at all the right parts—except not at the part where it turned out Sweetie had been totally in love with me for forever. I guess I was pretty much the last one to figure that out. That kind of pissed me off. I mean, I know I’m an idiot, but that doesn’t mean I want to feel like an idiot.

But getting it all out in the open actually felt pretty good. At least, it felt pretty good to me. I hoped it was the same for Sweetie, but I wasn't sure. During the whole thing I kept sort of looking at her a bit to see if I could figure out how she was doing. I couldn't catch her eye even once through the whole thing.

"Gah, what a mess," said Apple Bloom, rubbing a hoof against her face. She put her hoof down and looked up. "Well, that's that. Scootaloo, you know it's over between you and Dash now, for sure."

"Yeah, that damn Lightning Dust—"

"No," said Bloom, cutting me off pretty harshly, "that one's all you. You know there was probably a good chance you could've worked things out with Dash if you hadn't gone and cheated on her like that."

“You... really think I cheated on her?”

“Yes."

"Didn't it sound like she already pretty much broke up with me when she chose—"

"Nope."

"Hmm," I said. That really bothered me. But I think anything other than “Absolutely, Scoots! She totally called the whole thing off, so what you did definitely wasn’t cheating, and you’re totally not a terrible pony!” would’ve really bothered me.

"And it wasn't just with just some random pony neither," said Bloom

I looked between Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. Sweetie wouldn't look at me—Apple Bloom did, but it was more a scowl than a look.

I tossed my hooves in the air. “Yeah, yeah, okay, I get it. I’m the bucking worst and bucked everything up. Absolutely everything that happened is completely my fault—I get it.”

No one said anything for a moment.

Then Apple Bloom said, “Well, it’s good that you understand that.”

I took a minute to realize that what I’d said wasn’t an exaggeration at all.

Then I looked over at Sweetie, but couldn’t make it all the way to actually looking at her. The closest I got was the arm of the couch.

“So, um... Sweetie.” I said. “Did I buck everything up between us?”

It was about time to get into that. I really needed to know.

She sighed. “I don’t know. Probably not.”

I looked up. “Yeah?”

“I mean... it’s a mess, don’t get me wrong.”

“You want me to apologize? I haven’t yet, you know.”

“No. Bucking Celestia, just no. Don’t do that to me.”

“Okay.”

“But, maybe I should apologize?” She still wasn’t looking at me. "Because, well, you were the one with a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, but you were totally in love with me, and I knew that.”

“Yeah.” She moved her hoof back and forth along the arm of the couch. It had that kind of suede texture on it, so it looked different if you brushed it one way or the other.

“I was almost over you,” she said.

“I know.”

She went against the fluff, making it go one way, then smoothed it.

“Now I can’t—I don’t know if I can get back to that spot I was at again.” Her voice wasn’t quite steady.

“You want me to leave you two alone for a minute?” asked Bloom.

“No, not unless you’re uncomfortable,” said Sweetie.

“Mmkay, then you mind if I mediate a bit here?”

“Go for it,” I said.

“Okay, then let’s have it out in the open. We know how Sweetie feels—Scootaloo, how do you feel about Sweetie and how do you want things to be between you?”

That was the thousand bit question, wasn’t it? I looked up at Sweetie.

“Well?” Sweetie said.

“Alright. Um... I’m not—I don’t really know where to start. I’m not sure about anything right now.”

“Well what do you feel ?” prompted Bloom. “What did you feel last night when you decided to sleep with Sweetie. Was that just because you were mad at Dash?”

I felt my face tighten up in a frown. “What, you mean—?”

“Was Sweetie the pony that just happened to be there? Were you just using Sweetie?”

I couldn’t say anything for a second, her directness throwing me off.

Sweetie didn’t say anything, and she just looked at the pattern she’d made on the fluff of the couch.

“If that’s what it was,” said Bloom, “best get it out now. It’s just gonna be a hundred times worse if you lie about it here, now.”

“No,” I said. “It wasn’t... like that.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure of that much, yeah.”

“Then why?”

I felt an icy twinge shoot through me. It was Sweetie Belle that asked that.

I opened my mouth to speak, but didn’t say anything for a minute. We looked right at each other for the first time since she got there, and I swear to Celestia I could see Sweetie’s heart in her eyes. I knew what I said would have a good chance of breaking it. I probably already did. I was pretty sure I’d actually broken her heart last night, it just had been delayed until right this minute—until I said whatever I was going to say next.

And I knew anything other than “I love you, let’s be a thing, I want to be together forever,” would probably do that, and that wasn’t something I could say. Well, except for that last part, but it probably wasn’t what she had in mind.

I mean, I did love her, in a lot of ways, and to be honest, I was attracted to her—I couldn’t deny that after the night before.

“Last night was—well, it wasn’t about Rainbow Dash,” I said. “It was definitely about you, and how great it is to be around you. I really meant what I said about that. I was losing my mind, though, and it went farther than it should’ve. We shouldn’t have done that.”

Her eyes started to leak as the heart in them broke.

I put a hoof to my face.

“That was pretty well said,” said Apple Bloom going over to hold Sweetie as she cried. “You’re still a bucking ashole though.”

I felt like a bucking asshole. I got up. “Maybe I should go?”

I’m sure Apple Bloom was about to say ‘absolutely’ but Sweetie spoke first.

“No,” she said through her tears, lifting her head up from Bloom’s shoulder. “Don’t. We—the three of us—we should stay together.” Her words came out between sobs. “We’re the bucking Cutie Mark Crusaders, and that’s... that’s forever. I won’t let my stupid feelings or Scootaloo’s stupid... everything wreck that.”

“Huh,” I said sitting back down. “You’re obviously too good for me.”

“That’s absolutely true,” said Bloom.

Sweetie choked out a laugh.

I sat back as far as I could on the couch as I tossed back the rest of my cider, then got up to get another.

I was a fair way into my next one when Sweetie had mostly wound down. I felt—well, not good, but, I don’t know. Like I’d finally gotten away from that awful panicky feeling. It was a kind of relief, or whatever, even though I still felt awful. It was kind of a dull aching awful, but it was better.

I took a huge breath and let it out, and the sound made me really notice the fact that we were all totally silent. Suddenly I felt like there was all this tension in the room.

“So hey, guess what?” I said. “Apple Bloom’s got a boyfriend she promised to tell us about right now.”

“Scootaloo,” said Bloom with a sigh. “You’re... incorrigible.”

“Hey, I don’t need any corriging! I’m... well, okay, I guess I’m an awful pony, but still,” I said. “You did promise. Sort of.”

“Don’t you think you should be trying to say things that would make Sweetie feel better?”

“No, it’s okay,” said Sweetie. “If she tried to say anything like that, her stupid face would just piss me off and I’d start crying again.”

“Hey!” I said.

She nudged Apple Bloom. “Come on, let’s hear about this secret boyfriend of yours. Oh wait! First, Scootaloo get me another cider.”

“You still got half left.”

She floated up her bottle in her magic’s glow and slammed the rest of it back. “Okay,” she said, hardly choking on the alcohol fumes. “Now get me another.”

“Okay, now we’re talking!” I drank the rest of mine, too, and then jumped up.

I felt some of that tension leave. Everything had gone wrong, and I’d screwed up everything in pretty much the worst way possible, but somehow the three of us were still together. Sweetie Belle really was too good for me, I realized. Apple Bloom, too. We’d have both stayed a total mess for who knows how long without her.

Apple Bloom gave me an entirely unimpressed look as I hopped over to where the cider was, then she shook her head. “Alright, alright, get me another cider, too, and I’ll tell you ‘bout this colt I’m seeing.”

I knew I still had to talk to Rainbow Dash, and that was going to be awful, and there’d be a lot more to deal with—but as long as I could hang on to these two ponies, I felt like I would make it.