In The Presence of Enemies

Jordan was very grateful for the new fire extinguishers. All of the stuff that Aperture Laboratories, PONY division [sic] came up with was fantastic, when it worked. He had decided a long time ago that he would not ask what was wrong with the versions beforehand, after peeking at a changelog for their Finnish Pocket Knife and seeing that one of the statements said "r109 - Fixed problem with comb turning human hair into granite when comb is covered in apple juice, or [REDACTED] with grape juice. Refunds and hair repair available". He also decided that their name was some sort of joke or reference, but he didn't really care enough to ask about it. Let them have their fun.

Using the extinguisher was a lot like using a leaf blower, only less bulky, less weighty, less loud, and spraying white sparkly snow-like powder that was very effective versus the flames, and disappeared in seconds without a trace, very un-snow-like. Oh, if only firefighters back home could get their hands on hardware like this...

Jordan sighed. Home.

It had been around three months for him now. He had basically adjusted to his new, crazy life here, but remembering his family was, as always, a bit painful. He did not have the best relations with his mom, and given that Jordan had somehow ended up in Equestria, there might not even be some sort of deity who knew where his dad was, but they were still his family. That was something he had learned about here. The importance of friends and family here far outshone that of Earth. It was a bit of a Catch-22. In order for him to learn to really care about his family, he had to go to Equestria. But now that he was in Equestria, he no longer had his old friends and family, only his new ones.

Speaking of new friends, "Hey, Keith."

Keith rolled his eyes, but smiled and said "That's Sergeant Keith to you, maggot."

Keith then did something a little bit odd. Well, more odd than usual. Keith had already been drinking a mug of... whatever it was that Keith drank, but then he walked over to a knee-high boulder, put one foot on it, looked dramatically into the distance, and took a sip.

"Ahhh... I love the smell of a kicked minotaur in the morning."

There was a brief pause.

Jordan shrugged. "I don't get it."

Keith scowled. "Uncultured scrublord."

"Unrepentant fish."

Keith gave Jordan a blank look, then grinned. "Oh, I get it, drink like a fish... that's good. Though for the last time, this is NOT booze. I don't drink."

"Then what is it? The last time someone else tried it they were literally hospitalized for drinking four ounces!"

"The details of the twenty-five ingredients that make up my preferred beverage are classified, by me, and I thought the Major said no more daring people to drink it."

"That's what made him edit that onto the rules board. Aren't you going to do something besides banter with me and maybe I dunno help me?"

Keith looked sheepish. "Uh... I'm a class N for firefighting. And I thought you liked moral support."

Jordan stopped his efforts for a moment and stared astounded at Keith. That was the second worst possible ranking for any job. Specifically, it meant that he was not legally allowed to do a given task, in this case firefighting, unless it was clearly an emergency and there was nobody else available, because he was so very terrible at it that he was more likely than not to somehow make the situation worse.

Jordan returned to "Well, I guess I owe Hailey ten bits now. Unless, of course, she lied to me and she actually does have open access to those sort of personnel records."

"Bro. You've known Hailey for like a month now, and you still haven't figured out that betting against her is a bad idea? Also, she does."

Jordan growled. He was about to give some sort of retort, but then his eyes opened wide.

"Wait. Spray that body again, right there."

Keith did so, and the minotaur twitched.

"Holy crap, it's alive! Properly alive, too, not like most of them."

Keith put the extinguisher on the ground, and both of them inspected the minotaur, gingerly removing as little armor as possible.

"Burns everywhere, of course. Any other injuries that you can find?" asked Keith.

"Nothing broken or too heavily bleeding, though the right ankle is twisted. Wonder what put them out?"

"Hmm... Looks like one of the mortars hit -uh, her, I think, in the side of the head, and between the collision and the explosion, she probably has a severe concussion and will be very unhappy waking up. Right then."

Keith pulled a black box from his pack, pushed a few buttons and spoke into it. "Responder Papa, this is Mobile Two Five Zero. We've got a live capture, requesting medical transport."

There was chatter on the other end of the line, but Jordan was a bit lost in thought while looking at the fallen minotaur. She probably doesn't know anything herself, he thought, Just like the others we've captured. Aperture Labs will still derive an astounding amount of data anyways. They're crazy smart like that. Jordan shook his head. If I didn't know any of them, I'd feel sorry for anything we sent over there. Well, really sorry. They're weird but not psycho. I think.