((You are ‘Audacity Pony’))
“No, I don’t want to leave!”
“It’s nice and warm in here!”
“I need my music!
“What’s happening?
“I’m getting sucked out!
“No! No no no! I’ll never fit through there!
You kick and wail as you slowly leave the soundcard, clinging onto loops desperately
You start to feel cramped as you squish into the quarter-inch jack
You let go of the loop and give in to the harsh pull from the plug
“No…” You say helplessly
You slip through the quarter-inch and squish even smaller into a 3.5mm
“Ow!”
((You are Anon))
‘POW!’
Your right speaker blows out
Most of the crowd in the bar abruptly shuts up for a moment
“Sorry everyone! I’ll have to cut it short tonight!” You yell over the mic
The crowd of drunk, wasted assholes boos and sneers at you
You close your laptop and stuff it in your bag
“Hey! Can you help me cart this stuff to my truck?” You yell at a friend
“Yeah sure.”
Your friend picks up each speaker and carries them out the door
You stuff your laptop and your cables into your bag, grab your Traktor s4 in one arm, and put your 35 unit under the other and follow him
“Hey thanks man.”
“No problem, hope you can get a replacement soon.”
“Yeah… I don’t quite understand it myself, I wasn’t clipping or distorting at all.”
“Shit happens.”
“Yeah, I guess so, see you tomorrow.”
You toss the speakers in the back of the truck and get in the drivers seat
“I hope I get my fucking pay…” You mumble as you turn the key
The truck starts with a fierce rumble
You drive into an underground parking lot and park your truck into a spot near the elevator
You grab the speakers and your bag, get into the elevator, and travel up to your condo
You plop down everything onto the floor
“What a shitty night.”
You flop on the bed and pull out your phone
12:30am
Shit, it’s not even late and you’re tired
Either that or you drank something…
You have a few texts from some buddies, asking you what happened
“Ah leave me the fuck alone.” You say to yourself
You get off of the bed and grab a beer from the fridge
Being a local DJ doesn’t really pay well
And you have no idea how much this speaker fuck-up is going to cost you
You take a sip of your beer
The blown out speaker started to shake
You almost spit your beer out
The speaker started rattling and jumping around frantically
You back up instinctively
The shaking stops, and you see the cone pop off of the speaker…
A hoof pops and starts feeling around the speaker
Okay, someone definitely slipped something into your drink
You see the speaker start to move again
"Son of a bitch! It's tight in here!"
Oh great, speakers can talk now
At this point, you're contemplating on whether to cower and fear and climb into bed, or just watch this happen...
You take another sip of your beer
You then see a small head poke out from inside the speaker
You spit the small mouthful of beer
A bright orange pegasus pony with a darker orange mane and tail climbs out of the speaker
"Aw come on! What kind of drug is this?!"
She stares at you blankly
"A drug? Oh I get it... I'm no drug Anon, I'm the real deal, I can assure you that."
"How the fuck do you know my name?"
"Aw c'mon Anon! Don't act like ya don't know me! We do stuff all the time."
"I don't know I don't know you I don't know you, this is all a hallucination."
Just don't think about it, don't talk to it, and it will go away
"Anon, you don't look so great."
Your vision starts to go blurry just as she says that
You feel yourself falling
Falling... 'THUD'
...
Oh god
You wake up blearily
It feels like someone has smashed you over the head with a two by four multiple times
The previous events start to come back to you
Sheesh, you gotta be more careful at nightclubs
Your covered in your bed sheets and blanket
That's... odd
You roll over and see that same pony
She is laying beside you, sleeping, her head on one hoof, making adorable little snores
For a moment the 'D'aww' takes over
But, shit, that was no fucking drug
"Who are you, what are you? And how did you get her?" you mumble to yourself
It was then that you remember seeing something about these ponies on the news a little while ago
You remember a cute little blue pony
You remember how they treated her
How they locked her up like a zoo animal
You know about the My Little Pony craze, but you were never involved with it in any way
And now, you have an incredibly cute little pony in your condo, peacefully sleeping
You try to clear your mind of all the questions, buzzing around, making you anxious
You reach out your hand, and touch her mane. It's smooth as fuck
You run your hand down her neck, and across her back
Your arm brushes her wing
Her eyes flutter open slowly
You draw your hand back
She stares up at you, expectantly, her head still on her hoof
"Why did you stop?" She asks quietly
You continue to stroke her smooth mane
Her eyes close again, as she lets out a small coo
You don't even like ponies, but for some reason your heart just feels like it's about to melt
The questions race back into your head
Your stroking pace picks up
Her eyes open again
Way to ruin the moment fucktard...
She stands up and stretches
You watch as her front hooves press outwards, then her wings unfurl as she arcs her back
Wow, what a beautiful... creature
"How are you feeling, Anon?" She says in a voice unusually cheery than any other you have heard first thing in the morning
"Uh, fine I guess."
"You seemed pretty confused last night."
"Still am."
You notice some sort of marking on her butt
It's the audacity symbol
"Anon? My face is over here."
You look and notice she is blushing a little
hnnggg
"Uh yeah."
"Last night for some reason I was pulled out of your computer, I don't know why, but all I was doing was hiding under that one dance beat you never use."
"Whoa whoa whoa slow down, you lived in my computer?"
"I always lived in there! From the moment I left the server. Anon, you need mental help."
"Shut up and get to the point..."
"That's pretty much all, but let me give you a refresh. You used me pretty much every day for your music stuff, life was good and all, living it day by day, watching you browse the internet, and then I got shoved out of your blasted computer."
You get up and slide your laptop out of your bag
You open it up and look at your desktop shortcuts
Audacity is gone
You look through your windows start
Still gone
You look through your programs
There is no fucking sign of Audacity anywhere
Not only that, but every fucking audacity file is gone
There is also no sign of it ever being used in your laptops system log
"Do you get it now Anon?" She says as she stares up at you with a small smirk
((You are still Anon))
"I don't even know what to say."
"Oh! I know! How about 'Hi! My name is Anon! What's your name?'"
"What do you go by?"
"You can call me Mickey"
"Mickey, huh."
"Yep!"
"Are you... Shaking?"
"Oh, uh, maybe, I am hyperactive, this happens from time to time."
"How am I going to take care of you? Ugh."
"Well, I'm easy going. Feed me, care for me, love me. Do everything you used to do Anon."
"Used to do, sure Mickey."
"Excuse me a sec."
She walked out of your room and started bounding around on the couch in the living area
"Woo! Things feel so different out here!"
At this point you are both amazed, but nervous as well
Now that there is this, well, Audacity pony in your life
How are you going to carry on with work?
What are you going to feed her?
How much is she going to cost you to take care of?
Can you bring her out in public?
By the time you were done thinking, she must have been standing there saying your name over and over again for three minutes now
"Hmm? What do you want?"
"Whew! I thought you were going to pass out again>"
"..."
"I'm hungry"
"Okay. Hold on."
You walk into what is sort of a kitchen
Your condo is terribly small
Tiny bathroom, tiny bedroom, and a living area that is half kitchen
You put some peanut butter on a piece of bread and roll it up
You walk over to her, stuff it in her mouth, and go to your room to get your laptop
She follows you the entire way, crumbs falling out of her mouth
You open your laptop and lay on the couch
She climbs on top of you and starts to chew loudly in your ear
You cringe
"Enjoying your... Snack? Mickey?"
"Ipf goof!"
"Okay then."
You start to do a little more research on this fairly new 'software pony' stuff
Looks like there is not only one other software pony but about twenty
Some guy even wrote an article!
You begin to read through it.
It scared the wits out of me.
That moment after my whole apartment was shrouded in smoke, I had no idea what to expect.
If you were to tell me that on this day I would have a super-computer pony at my side, I would have called you crazy.
The fact that these are just bugs in software is considerably amazing.
The things that little Jackie and Winnie here are capable of are incredible.
This of course was what held me back from introducing them to the world.
Because of they're abilities and uniqueness, who knows who is out there wanting to snatch them up?
Well, Jackie here brought up a good point.
'You can't hide us forever.' She said, the day we met Winnie.
So they are now connected to police computers everywhere, constantly being helped, and helping the police themselves with constant diagnostics, to someday in the future, build even stronger, better software.
With these two little ponies, we can unlock some of the most amazing things.
One thing I have already unlocked are two great friendships, and one heartwarming, irreplaceable, intimate relationship.
You Triple-take the last part
Relationship
Does that mean he is in love with a pony?
How on earth does that work?
"Aww! That is so sweet!"
"It is kinda sweet but, how are even supposed to have a relationship with a pony?"
Dirty thoughts come to mind
Oh god stop
"I dunno. Oh hey look at that!"
Mickey points to a diagram thumbnail image in the bottom left corner of the screen
You click it
'Anatomy of an Ai Pony.'
It listed every single body part and function of an Ai pony
Apparently underneath all of their fur and skin, is an entire exoskeleton built of extremely fine circuits and microchips, allowing them to glow in a fiber-optic sort of way
You start to get really sucked into this
They have two genuine and lifelike eyes, but they act as projectors and navigation for within their system, and their outside environment
They have all of the capabilities of a miniature pony, and a supercomputer
Then you realize something
Ai ponies are completely, anatomically correct
Huh, alrighty then
"I want to meet them."
"Who?"
"Jackie and Winnie!"
You take another look at the article
They live all the way up in Washington State, you live in New York
How the hell are you going to manage that
At the moment, you are afraid to pay for a wrecked speaker
"Sure! I can just magically pull a wad of cash from my pocket."
"You can?! That is so cool!"
You grab her by the wings and drop her on the floor
"No."
She whimpers and whines a little
"Ow! Ah! Anon! P-please be more careful with me." She said as she winced in pain
She started trying to grab a wing her mouth
You could tell that she was fighting back tears
Oh god what did you just do
You get off of the couch swiftly and kneel down to her level
"Mickey I- I'm sorry." You say, tears starting to well up in your eyes as well
Why are you getting so emotional around her?
"N-no Anon, I'm sorry."
You reach out and pick her up
You plop her back down on the couch
She stands on her hind legs and leans over the side, her left wing stiff and stretched out
"It huurttsss!" She wails
"I'm sorry Mickey! I don't know what to do!" You say, wiping your eyes
"It feels like it's dislocated or something."
You begin to plot places to push on or massage
You press your thumb at the base of her left wing and begin rubbing it in a circular motion
You hear a 'Pop!'
She yelps
Ohgodyoubrokeit
Her whimpers stop and her wing slowly folds back to her side
"Thank you Anon."
"Mickey, I'm really, truly sorry. I'm just a big asshole."
You're still sort of crying
"It's okay Anon, I understand you, you don't need to change one bit."
"Thank you, Mickey"
"...Mickey?"
She had already fallen asleep again
Way too much is happening, and way too fast for that matter
((You are still Anon))
You still feel like crap for what you did earlier
Even though her tactless, hyperactive attitude ticks you off
There is only one attitude YOU can change
Just look at that adorable thing, snoozing on the couch
She's worth it
But how the hell did you end up with her?
You decide to keep reading about this Ai pony stuff
Wow, this entire article is kinda like a big users manual
Shit! Don't think of it like that
You look at your laptops clock
2:20pm
Damn, you really slept
It's not exactly balmy in the room
20 degrees
You walk into your room and grab a blanket for Mickey
You come back to the couch and pull the blanket over top of the snoring pony
The broken speaker is still laying on the floor near the door
You decide to go examine it
The inside just looks like a plain old destroyed speaker
Nothing special about it
You feel breath on the back of your neck
"Holy shit!"
Mickey was sitting right beside your feet, staring at you
"What's up Anon?"
"Uh… you- I thought- you were… sleeping?"
"I was! Do you want me to sleep some more? I can do that if you'd like."
"Uh, no, that's fine."
"Watcha up to?"
"Nothing in particular."
"Well let's get out of here!"
"What?"
"Let's go do something Anon!"
"Ugh, no, I really just want to hang in here today."
"But but but… Anooooooon! I wanna do something! It's so boring seeing everything from inside there!"
"Mickey…"
She hops up on her hind legs and puts her hooves on your stomach
"Please Anon."
She gives you the cutest, most desperate innocent face ever
Aw fuck
"Fine, I have to go shopping for you anyway I guess."
"Yay! Thank you Anon! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!"
She was bouncing around the room joyfully
Then a million thoughts rushed through your head again
If you take her with you…
People will stare at you
People will stare at her
People will want to pet her
People will judge
People will want photos
People will want to kidnap her
People will want to kill her
People will want to eat her…
People…
Annnnddd there goes reality again
"Anon?… Anon? Anon are you okay? Anon? Anon don't pass out. Anon? Are we going? Anon are we going? Anon?"
She jumps up and hovers in your face with those big wings
You snap out of your mindfuck
"Oh, uh, those wings do work. I was going to ask you about those."
"Yeppers! And don't worry about a thing Anon, No one will be able to harm me in any way."
How did she…
Wait, a thought came to mind
If she can fly, she can hover out of peoples reach
Perfect
"Alright, let's go Mickey."
"Woo!"
The both of you walk out the door
You lock up and walk to the elevator
As the elevator goes down, Mickey starts giggling uncontrollably
"What's so funny?"
"It feels funny! And I am happy."
Now normally, you would scowl and groan at this behaviour
She is acting like a child, and you can't stand children
But after that incident just a little bit ago, you feel like you are warming up to her now
I mean, you're going to need to
You and Mickey walk out of the elevator and to your truck
“So this is what you use to get around, huh?”
“Yeah… I need a truck for my speakers.”
Ugh, speakers
If you don’t get paid tonight, you won’t be able to DJ at the club tomorrow night >and the speakers probably won’t even be fixed by then
You open the passenger door for mickey
You climb into the drivers seat
You noticed Mickey start to shake again
“You alright?”
“Yes, I am just really excited.”
You laugh
You drive out of the underground lot and onto the street
You keep driving until you hit a Trader Joes (Not literally but… y’know)
“Is this the place?”
“Yeah, this is it.”
“Oh boy oh boy! I can’t wait!”
She presses her face against the car window as you pull into a parking spot
You can’t ever remember anyone being this excited about shopping
You get out and open the door for her
She tumbles out of the car ungracefully
Goddamnit
“You alright?”
“A hundred and one percent, Anon!” She says, shaking her head a bit
As you walk to the store, everything you expected to happen, happens
“Oh my goodness! Look at the cute little pony! My, you are a very fortunate man. I’ve been reading about these little beauties. Aw come here precious!”
A middle aged woman with some groceries was already trying to cuddle Mickey
Mickey instantly backed up
“Not today ma’am! Anon here is being a stick in the shit! Haha!”
You turn and glare at her
She is holding back a million laughs
“Oh! Oh my… alright then, you two have fun.”
“I don’t even…”
You and Mickey walk into the store
Instantly, there are people chattering away in every direction
You ignore all of the people and proceed to search
"What'll you eat?"
"Anything really, as long as it's not meat."
"Hmm, okay."
You pick up a shopping basket and go to the soup section
You stuff a dozen packages of Ramen in the basket
"Noodles?"
"Yes... Is that a problem?"
"Not at all."
You continue down the store and grab a bottle of Pepsi
"Oh! Pepsi! I know her."
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, Nothing. Just an old friend."
Old friend... Strange
You pick up a box of cereal and go to the checkout
"Ohhh! Look at the cute little pony! What's your name?" The cashier says in delight
"Mickey!" She responds cheerfully
"Does everybody know about these ponies?"
"Oh yes, someone just come in here with two of them!"
"What? Really?!"
"Yep, a blue one and a white one if I remember correctly."
"Uh wow. I didn't know there were more here."
You purchase your items and pick up the bags
"Have a nice day!"
You nod, smile, and walk back to the truck with Mickey
"Anon! Anon! Did you hear that? There are more ponies here!"
"I know... It's really amazing."
"Can we see them? Please?"
"Well... I have no idea where they live, or who they even are."
"Please Anon?"
"Okay... I will see what I can do."
You drive back to the underground parking lot and take your groceries into the elevator
Mickey starts giggling again
So cute
You both walk into the apartment
"I'm hungry, wanna eat something now?"
"Oh my gosh, Yes!"
Well now you know what was on her mind
You cook up a few packages of ramen
"Smells good Anon!" She yells from the couch
What is she doing over there anyways?
You pour the Ramen into a bowl for her
You decide to just eat out of the pot
You walk back to the couch
She is on your laptop
She is literally on top of the laptop
"W-... what are you doing?"
"Looking for a place to plug in... I might need a male to male for this."
You look at her, confused
"A cable."
"Oh, okay."
You remember reading something about these ponies being able to connect to devices and such
"Well, we need to eat."
You set the bowl down on the table in front of the couch
She stares and it
She stares at you
She stares at the bowl again
She stares at you
You twirl a forkful noodles and hold it in front of her
She opens her mouth
You stuff the noodles in her mouth
The noodles just hang there out of her closed mouth, dripping
She is staring at you now with this wide-eyed expression
"Gaahh! I can't take it anymore! Why are you so fucking cute?!"
"fmph."
"Chew."
She chews the noodles
"Swallow."
She sucks back the noodles and makes a gulp noise
"I don't get it, you ate the sandwich just fine."
"The noodles were hot."
"Oh..."
She wipes her face on the couch
Eeeehh whatever
She then stuffs her face into the bowl and starts slurping down the noodles
"Anon that was-"
She is cut off by a loud, but rather feminine burp
"Oh, uh, sorry about that... That was great Anon."
You are still laughing at her
She starts to laugh as well
You give her a huge hug
"Even though I've only known you a day, I think it's safe to say you're my best friend, Anon."
"You too."
You don't really have many friends
You don't really have time to make friends
Mickey has been nothing but a bundle of joy
If she is going to be with you for the rest of your life, of course she'll be your best friend
Rest of your life...
Wow
Questions start attacking your brain again
You have been hugging Mickey for about a minute now
You release her
The rest of the day was filled with conversation and life stories
Her life inside your laptop sounded really boring
You thought it would be a bit more interesting
She seemed fascinated with yours though
Finally, there is some silence
She yawns and collapses on her belly
"I'm... tired."
"Yeah me too. I guess we should get some rest."
"Where's the bed?"
"Excuse me?"
"Where. Is. The. Bed."
"Uhm... in my room. Aren't you going to sleep on the couch?"
She wraps her front legs around you and squeezes
"No."
You smile and pick her up
You walk into your room and put her down on the bed
She does a cute squeaky yawn and sprawls out on the bed
She then spreads her wings across the bed
"I need somewhere to sleep as well."
"Oh, sorry Anon."
She folds her wings back to her sides and presses her muzzle into the pillow
You shuffle under the covers
She quickly falls asleep, snoring into the pillow
What a day...
((You are Anon))
You are rudely awoken by... your phone ringing?
Who is calling you at three in the morning?
You don't even recognize the number
You answer it, feeling skeptic
"Hello?"
"No questions, get in the limo. Bring the pony."
And then the three tones
"Who was that Anon?"
Oh, it woke Mickey up too
Part of you really wants to know what is going on
But the other part of you is genuinely afraid
You look out your window
There is a black limo parked in front of the complex
"I don't know, but I think we need to go."
"But Anon, it's still early."
"Come on Mickey."
You put some clothes on and scoop her up off of the bed
You grab what you need and head out the door and down the stairs
You walk to the limo
The window opens
"Get in." A low voice apprises
You get in the limo and sit do- oh my god this is comfy
You put mickey on the seat next to you
Still sort of half asleep, you have no idea why you are doing this
"Do you know why you're here?"
"Uh, lemme guess, it's about the pony, am I right?"
The limo leaves the parking spot and starts gliding down the road
"Where are you taking us? Hello?"
"Well, we have to be boarding our flight in twenty minutes!" Said a rather giddy female voice
Suddenly, two ponies popped their heads out from the other side of the seats
"Hi there!" Said a cream colored one
"Oh! Oh my god! Is it really you?"
"Holy shit! Are you Jackie and Winnie!?"
Both of them started laughing
"Of course not. We're just ponies that look exactly like them~" Winnie chided
"Oh my god this is so cool! I wanted to meet you guys so bad!" Mickey said, bouncing about happily
"Well, nice to meet you... Mickey? Is it?" Jackie asked
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"I'll heh, give you my software later." Jackie said, a little giggle in her speech
"So uh, where are we going?"
"Oh don't you worry, I'm going to make you rich. Super rich, but to answer your question, we're going back to seattle." The voice was now confirmed to be the driver
"Oh crap, But I need m-"
"Money? Necessities? Oh don't worry about a thing. My name is Anon by the way."
"You're kidding! My name is Anon too!"
"Hah, what are the chances. Two incredibly fortunate guys with the same name. Have some champagne, will you?"
A fridge compartment in the back of the seat in front of you pops out two pre-chilled glasses and perfectly chilled champagne
You pour some of the of the champagne into a glass for yourself
"Give me some of that!" Mickey demands, grabbing the bottle in her hooves
She tips the whole thing back and chugs it away
And it was by no means a small bottle
"Mickey! No! Oh god I am so sorry."
"Don't be! She can have as much as she wants, Just hope that she won't be puking on the plane." Jackie Said
"Ahhh! That was good! Ya got anymore?"
"Shhh you're cut-off."
"Oh come on! I'm not even drunk!"
"Sure you aren't. Give it time."
Sure enough, after about a couple minutes, you had a giggly clingy pony sitting in your lap
"Heehee, okay maybe that was a bad idea." Mickey said, clearly not sober
"No, this is perfect." Jackie said, an amused and expecting look in her eye
She grabbed mickey and locked lips with her, pressing hard into Mickey's
"Uh... Anon?! What is she doing?"
"Relax, Jackie is just transferring learned data to Mickey, and taking data from her. It helps them develop faster."
"O-oh... Is that the only way they can do that?"
"No, they could use a cable, but that slows down the process immensely, or they could, uh, nevermind. Jackie likes to take things farther with this though."
You watch the two of them go at it, french kissing and moaning
You look at Winnie
"Don't worry I'm fine, I may look like a filly but, yeah you know." She says
You finally arrive at the airport
Mickey is just gazing at Jackie
"Who am I kidding, Immm druuunnkk."
She just stumbles around, bumping into Jackie the whole way to the plane
Everyone boards the place and takes a seat
"Now I am worried about her getting sick."
"I'm sure everything will be fine. It isn't a long flight." Said other Anon
