Cocktails, Casinos, and Chaos

The Elements of Harmony were once in front of Twilight's house, recuperating from the slow - and yet very pleasant - degradation of their moral senses. They hadn't even begun drinking yet.

Discord could smell the chaos he was causing, and he wasn't trying at all. He really was that good at his craft. Chaos tended to chaotically curve its way out of its own being. It was that chaotic.

Before they knew it, they were all in Las Pegasus, brought to the city a thousand miles away by a blinding light and a loud snap of talons clicking together. The journey took only a few seconds, and they awaited the glowing lights and flashing signs that they were about to see for the first time of their lives.

Las Pegasus looked like the most forgettable brick alley that any of the six mares had ever seen. It was a local legend for its brickness and averageness, to the point that it was forgotten because it looked exactly like every other alley way ever constructed.

Discord hovered in front of the Element's, pushing his paws down like a father trying to hush a crying infant. "Before you panic and get any ideas, know that I have a reason for doing this."

"If I wanted to be groped by a tentacle monster, it better belong to Twilight," Rainbow huffed, folding her forehooves across her chest. "At least I'd know where it's been."

Six pairs of eyes slowly turned to look into the reddish pink of Rainbow's, staring at her with varying degrees of disgust.

Except for Pinkie, who looked mildly interested in what thoughts were going through Rainbow's head.

Rainbow blushed at the attention focused at her, looking away from her friends' gazes, scoffing at the ground shyly. "W-what? Come on. Twilight has to have a spell like that, and she's kinda hot. I'd... I'd be an experiment for her."

"I could punch Rainbow again for saying that," Twilight said, "but I'll once again put it in a small part of my mind where I keep all of the horrible things I've heard and saw."

Rarity rubbed Twilight's shoulder gently. "It's a very good place to put most of the perverted things that Dash says."

"Even I'm not sure what to say to that," Pinkie said, scratching at her puffy mane. "So I'll say nothing!" She perked up her ears, bouncing in excitement as she looked up at Discord like an excited puppy. "I trust you! Why are we here?"

Discord chuckled not in humor, but in embarrassment. "I may have mentioned before that I am not allowed to gamble alone. If you think for even a moment that Celestia ordered such a ban on me, you are mistaken. She is a sore loser when it comes to card games though."

"Why am I not surprised by this?" Applejack said, flicking her thick tail. "I bet ya cheat, so ya need a pony ta make sure ya don't."

"I don't all the time," Discord pouted, "but I just happen to be... very good at making luck work in my favor."

"So... you cheat," Fluttershy said, folding her ears. "That isn't very nice. Just because ponies go into casinos thinking they will win doesn't mean you should cheat."

"I said not often!" Discord shouted, the Elements of Harmony contracting their snouts into their necks. "It's just that the sport isn't quite like it used to be."

Discord sighed, leaning on a wall to help ease his sorrows. "Security is everywhere these days. They don't like me creating slot machines from nothing for them to use. They don't 'trust my instruments'. Nor do they enjoy the casinos I used to build from the ground up. How ungrateful! I can't even entertain the patrons anymore, and I used to make them a fortune by doing it for free."

"Ya don't say?" Applejack smiled. "Trustin' Discord with bits 'n dice 'n entertainment? A swell idea if ya ask me."

Rarity tutted in disgust. "How could they betray you like that, Discord? The nerve!"

"I'm glad you have sympathy for me." Discord sniffled, wiping away a budding tear. "It isn't fair! And that is why we are here in this alley, for I have a plan to fix these problems."

"And... what is that?" Twilight asked, tilting her muzzle to the side. "If it involves breaking into a casino, you can count me out. I'd need a few weeks to properly plan and organize it anyways."

"The excellent morality of Twilight Sparkle, mares and gentlecolts," Rarity mumbled.

Twilight snorted derisively at Rarity, flicking her tail. "It'd be a good experiment on our group cohesion, security cracking, subterfuge, and we could publish it for the casinos to study."

Pinkie gasped in excitement, bouncing off of the walls to wrap her forehooves around Discord's neck. "If nopony gets hurt, I'm in!"

Rainbow walked forward, turning her frame around to face Twilight. She flickered her wings by her side. "Hey, Twi'. I know you're a genius and all, but writing and then printing a paper on how you stole millions from a casino is a great example of the word retarded; if you can pardon my you're-a-dumbass."

"I'd tell the princesses once we did it and give most of the money back," Twilight said. She sighed loudly, looking over her friends. "Can't I try something dangerous for once instead of just walking into it all the time?"

"No, no, no. We are not breaking into a casino to steal from them." Discord said, gently holding Pinkie Pie in his hand. He scratched at her curly stomach fur, the loud and gleeful snorts of Pinkie Pie's happiness echoing in the air.  "I simply plan on putting on a disguise. A very good one, if I may say so myself."

"Umm, Discord?" Fluttershy looked at her friends before returning her gaze toward Discord, "I'm not sure we can really disguise you."

He smiled toothily down at the Elements, cradling the whickering Pinkie Pie in his hand. "I have that taken care of. All I need is a pony name for myself. I believe Discord will simply not do."

Pinkie Pie curled her forehooves toward her chest, letting out a content giggle. "I know! Q!"

Discord winced like he had just stepped on a titanium train nail, dropping Pinkie Pie onto the ground. "A-A-another name. She's just-"

"Then why are you stuttering?" Rarity asked, stepping forward to look firmly into Discord's eyes. "Although I must admit that isn't... what I would call a proper name."

Pinkie Pie pulled herself back up from the ground, wiping off the dust on her pink coat. "I can't tell you why, because if you figured out, I'd have to torture you all in my basement. I mean, I have marshmallow, Skittle, apple, honey, and blackberry flavors in front of me I'd love to try in cooking, and boy-o-boy could I get a lot of juices out of you girls! So unless you wanna not remember a whole week and limp for another one by the time I'm done showing you what kitchen appliances can do to plotties, that information is top, secret!"

Silence.

Pinkie Pie hummed in place, rocking back and forth on her hooves, her eyes watching the spiritual horror that covered the muzzles of her closest friends.

"You think I'm bucked up and a pervert?" Rainbow shouted, pointing a wing toward Pinkie Pie, "this is the reason why I just stick to cuddling Pinkie Pie."

Twilight's neck twitched for several moments. The images dancing in her head were locked away in a secure corner of her mind that only asked for cheesecake in return for its maximum security protection. "Any other names for Discord, anypony?"

"Oh, oh, oh!" Pinkie whinnied, springing into the air with gay delight, "how about...  Questionable Query? He can be called Que Que!"

"Isn't that a bit... repetitive?" Rarity asked.

"Actually, it fits him aptly, Rarity," Twilight said. "Think about it like this: A query is a question that is a bit more intellectual and forceful than a normal question, and if it's a questionable question and yet it's asked anyways then he either is pushing your limits, the moral boundaries of philosophy, or simply is keen on messing with you. All three of those fit Discord to a T, and the name could be implied that he's a philosopher by trade. It's makes a really good cover in fact."

Applejack wrapped a forehoof around Rainbow's lean frame, giving her a firm squeeze. "Say, Rainbow: You wanna go get three Neighgerbombs and go play some Texas hold 'em? 'cause I have no idea what the hay Twilight just said; so I'm gonna do what the Fruit family does best when we have no idea what's goin' on, and that's gettin' drunk and playin' cards!"

"It's okay, AJ," Rainbow said, hugging Applejack in return, "she's just being a nerd. Let's be awesome and play the greatest card game ever other than Cards Against Ponanity."

Discord laughed heartily as he scooped up Applejack and Rainbow Dash under his arms, giving the two mares a firm squeeze as they wiggled in his grip to break themselves free. "That's the spirit! You see, everypony? Just let yourselves go! This is Sin City! You are young and restless, and it's time to let loose. Enjoy the world, and break away from that small town mentality that you all have been so used to for so long!"

Rainbow looked up at Discord. "Umm... me and Applejack get drunk and do stupid things all the time. It's not-"

"Be quiet!" Discord hissed. "You talk almost as much as Pinkie!"

"Am I the only mare here who has gone from concerned to excited to concerned again about this trip?" Rarity chuckled nervously.

"Isn't that half of what we think about everything we ever do, Rarity?" Twilight said, her magic thrumming to life. She pulled Applejack and Rainbow Dash from Discord's grip to place her friends onto the ground once more, her violet eyes staring into Discord's own. "So let's see this disguise you have. I'll try to be as objective as possible."

Unlike Twilight's own magic, Discord's was nearly instant, and his transformation happened as swiftly as his talons snapped together. What was formerly a mismatched deity of disharmony now looked like a unicorn who could bring most mares - if not ponies - to their knees.

Gone was anything that would make him seem like anything but a unicorn or unusual other than his charm. His coffee brown coat was smooth and fine like the most succulent of lattes. His black and white mane could either be passed off as him being middle aged or simply too refined to force himself to the normal color palette of Equestria. The trimmed white goatee on his muzzle only added to his educated guise. His cutie mark too, though being a swirl of question marks dancing through a pondering statue, would not have been out of place at a university philosophy club.

Other than being on the taller and leaner side of Equestrian stallions, his crimson eyes glowed as much as any other ponies would.

They exploded into a burning ruby the moment Rainbow's curled up wing contacted his very real testicles.

Discord had been punched in the balls.

He might have naturally defaulted his biological appearance to male, but he was more than capable of being a fully reproductive and receptive female if he so desired. That was neither here nor there. Lots of pain was there. Everywhere when he thought about it.

As an immortal being magnitudes more magically gifted then any mortal spell caster, it took little effort for him to make himself immune to pain or submerge himself in boiling water with no harm. There was a problem.

He wasn't omnipotent in this universe.

When he had transformed, he didn't think that several hundred pounds of force would come into contact with the biologically perfect testes now underneath his frame within a few seconds after taking his new form. And so he hadn't numbed his pain receptors.

Thousands of years in this dimension had not changed the fact that getting kneed in the balls hurt. A lot. A lot a lot. Across space and time a lot.

Discord went down like the stallions before him who thought they could taste Rainbow. He went down screaming in agony.

"Shit!" Discord cried, saliva bursting from his muzzle as he fell over onto his side, his erudite tongue failing him. He wailed in hellish pain, grabbing his formerly functioning foal makers with his forehooves as well as any colt naturally would when their orbs met their prostate.

"Disguise works," Rainbow smirked, retracting her martial art trained wing. "I was just checking to see if you were equipped."

The Elements of Maturity looked at each other with quiet snorts of delight, unable to hide their secret joy at seeing the god of chaos passing his litmus test of deception.

And maybe, just maybe, the six mares enjoyed a bit of dark revenge for what he had put them through over two years ago. Friendship did sometimes involve revenge, and Chrysalis had shown them a bit of violence directed at evil could be righteous fun.

"My... my... my everything!" Discord croaked, rolling over to expose himself. Whatever Aspirin summoning spell he could have used wasn't available due to his mind thinking about protecting his bits from a second kick.

Rainbow moved forward to look directly down at Discord, stroking her chin with a wing as she pushed away his forehooves from his groin. "Yeah. You're kinda hot. And hey! You are really a colt! Kinda cute too. I'd do ya after six drinks. Not sure if ya could keep up with me though."

Rarity joined Rainbow, stroking her own chin in return as she stood beside Dash. "Mmm. I'd need eight drinks myself. If I saw him I'd think that he was trying to swindle me out of my business. Although, if I was drunk enough I'd assume that he'd be lovely in the hay."

"Not my type," Applejack said, prodding Discord's stomach. He whimpered like a dog denied his bone. "He'd try to smooth talk me, and if I wanna have a good colt, I want them to just be themselves, fun lovin', and honest. But yer right: He just looks like a hipster."

"Hipsters," Pinkie Pie growled. "He does look like a hipster. All he needs is a scarf."

"But that's part of what makes him adorable," Fluttershy giggled, stroking through Discord's mane. "He acts so tough, but I bet if a really pretty mare would flirt back with him, he'd show off that soft side he's been hiding for so long."

Discord hiccuped a bit of pain. "Yes... soft side. I have one. Now-"

"I agree with Pinkie," Twilight said, walking around Discord's groaning body. "If I saw him at a casino, I would picture him to be a chronic gambler or a college drop out trying to game the system. Completely forgettable disguise to security other than laughing at his amateur attempts to win."

She tapped a forehoof onto his chest coat, Discord's eyes quivering up at Twilight as she hovered her body over his own. Her muzzle pushed into his, prodding at his chest once again. "Are you listening?"

"Listening," he squeaked.

Her horn flared to life, an orchestra of torment playing a speed metal solo on a part of his body that he never wanted to see again.

"Are you sure you are listening?" Twilight purred.

"By the Continiuum I am listening!" Discord screamed.

Twilight shunted her magic. "We control this trip. Not you. You're the tour guide, and we are the tourists who can make your life miserable. Celestia wouldn't like a bad letter from me, now would she?"

"Bad letter bad," Discord panted.

"Good!" Twilight grinned, patting the end of Discord's muzzle. "As long as you can be relatively entertaining and help Rarity and I legally win thousands of bits, everything's good. Feel free to liven things up a bit, as long as you know that it was Celestia who wanted us to bring you along to have some fun."

Her ears folded by the sides of her muzzle. "Don't make us treat you like the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Because you don't want to see us drunk and angry. We aren't... nice. If you think we're bad now-"

"When did you all become so evil!?" Discord gasped, sweat pouring down his cheeks.

Twilight grinned, her violet orbs gleaming off of the flash of a neon sign that reflected the hue of colors from not only her eyes, but those of the other Elements of Harmony.

"Who ever said good was nice?"