Chapters You can take her back... but on one condition
Twilight had started to get used to insomnia. In the last few days she hadn’t slept at all. She just couldn’t. Allowing herself to waste so much precious time would have been a fatal mistake. She was too smart for this.
Twilight knew that she needed to work. Her search, which now seemed like the most important goal she’d ever had in her entire life, had finally started to pay off. She was very close to fulfilling her main objective.
Find a way to go to the afterlife.
Somewhere out there, amongst the countless souls of other ponies, was one certain soul, which belonged to the pony Twilight loved the most: Rainbow Dash. A simple thought about her caused pain to the alicorn. All their time together, short, but very valuable nonetheless flashed before her eyes. She couldn’t forget about it, even if she wanted to.
She remembered Celestia and all these long talks they had had. Twilight understood that she was a Princess, now; she had to be strong, even when her entire world was crumbling before her eyes. But sometimes, even a Princess needed some compassion. This is why every time the alicorn felt herself horrible, she came to her mentor. And they talked.
When Twilight had told Celestia about her plan for the first time, the solar princess had thought that she was joking. But then she saw that spark in Twilight’s eyes. Celestia knew what that meant, and knew it very well. She realised immediately that despite all her warnings and urgings, Twilight would do it. Even so, Celestia had been trying to convince Twilight, but all her hard efforts were doomed to failure. All she could do was ask Twilight to be careful.
The newest Princess chuckled darkly. Her own safety was the last thing Twilight cared about. In fact, anything that has nothing to do with going to the afterlife was the last thing she cared about.
One goal. One destination. One pony. Nothing else mattered.
‘Okay, Sparkle, here you go. Focus. This is the final step. Point of no return. Now or… wait, why am I telling myself this, anyway? I should just open the bucking portal, that’s all!’
With a bright flash of her long-suffering horn, which had been used more intensively than any other part of Twilight’s body, the alicorn summoned a little white orb, which immediately started changing.
A huge mirror-like elliptical portal appeared before her in a blink of an eye.
‘That reminds me of something… right, that last trip, how could I forget. Well, I hope I’m not gonna get stuck in that weird world this time.’
Twilight took a deep breath.
‘Just one step, and I’ll be in the afterlife world. After many sleepless nights and burned-down candles, countless hours of work and dozens of magic spells, seventeen conflagrations, eight property damage claims, five magical vortexes which nearly destroyed the town, three death sentences (being a Princess has it’s own benefits) and one poor little wounded kitten—Celestia as my witness, I didn’t want to break his paw—I have finally reached this point.’
She nodded to herself and finally passed through the portal.
“Twilight, I finally found that book you asked me to! It says that without some ingredients you will not be able to pull her out by yourself.”
Spike rushed to the door, holding a moderate-sized book with the title, ‘Necronomicon: special pony edition’ .
“Twilight, are you still hiding? Come on, the townsfolk already stopped carrying pitchforks and torches. Twilight?”
Suddenly he noticed a huge burning mark on the floor. It signaled him that the alicorn already had passed through the mirror, or whatever it was, and now was in the afterlife world.
‘How could she leave without these ingredients?! It’s the same as a death sentence… a fourth one. She wouldn’t make it. She… she will never come back…’
Spike dropped the book, then closed his eyes, ready to mourn his friend, who was more like a big sister for him.
‘At least she will re-united with Rainbow in there. Their feelings were deep and the love was very strong. I still remember all those snuggling, cuddling, hugging... nuzzling... kissing…
‘...Huh. I wonder where they keep their home videos?’
Meanwhile, in the afterlife world…
Twilight had finally regained consciousness. It wasn’t her first experience in transdimensional teleportation, but she still couldn’t quite get used to this.
The alicorn stood up and looked around. She definitely was in the afterlife world. Twilight had never seen so many ponies wandering around, back in Equestria. Even during the Summer Sun Celebration the amount of ponies was never that high.
“Um… excuse me…
“Can you…
“Would you be so kind as to...
“Hello? A little help here?”
Twilight started to get angry. Anypony she’d been referring to for several minutes flat just ignored her. As if the whole local population was deaf.
“Hey, you! Yes, you! Get over here!” she said loudly to a nearest pony. It was a pure-white coated unicorn with red mane and amber eyes.
She didn’t even pay attention to the alicorn, minding her own business.
Twilight was preparing to turn this dead pony into a dead orange when she heard a very familiar voice right behind her.
“Well, what did I tell you? Now, I believe you owe me something, don’t you?”
Twilight quickly turned around and saw her. The pony she’d gone through hell for.
Rainbow Dash looked the same as ever. A bright light-blue coat, a rainbow-colored, messy mane, magnificent eyes and that sly, devil-may-care smile Twilight liked the most.
“D-Dashie… DASHIE!” she yelled, not caring about anything anymore.
The alicorn run up to the mare and hugged her as tight as she could.
“Hey, Twi. It’s really nice to see you after all this time. What’s up in the land of living?” Rainbow tried to sound light-heartedly… actually, she was light-hearted. As if there wasn’t any accident at all.
“You have no idea how I missed you. I thought I lost you for the rest of my life. I...wait, what’s up with the money? Did you owe someone?”
“Just the opposite, actually. You see, I made a bet with some folks that you’re going to come here to pay me a visit. They didn’t believe it and that’s why they bet so much money. By the way, what took you so long? Few more days and I would’ve lost a bet.”
Twilight pulled back from the pegasus as fast as if she was on fire. She started to speak, and her voice was trembling in anger:
“So, while I was torturing myself with countless thoughts about you, doing impossible things to find a way to get here... while I was literally killing myself, for crying out loud - you were betting on me?!”
Rainbow nervously smiled and said carefully:
“Well… yes.”
“How could you! You have no idea what the heck I’ve done in order to come here! You’re just… just… how much money did you win, by the way?”
“Two thousand bits.”
Twilight’s eyes widened.
“50/50. If not for me, you would’ve lost anyway.”
“Hey! It was me who found those guys. You think everypony ‘round here are rolling in bits? 40/60!”
“45/55. My last word.”
“Okay, deal.”
After Rainbow gave Twilight her share, she asked:
“So… why are you here anyway? Well, except for visiting… and robbing me at the same time?”
Twilight giggled.
“Don’t be so grumpy, Dashie. Everything is fair. As for the purpose of my visit… I want to get you back to Equestria. You still have a life to live.”
“You know… it’s a good plan. I mean, yeah, in here there are plenty of cool dead ponies to hang out with… but I miss you and our gang. I’d gladly return… but how are you gonna pull that off?”
Twilight was about to answer the question, when she suddenly remembered that she hadn’t brought the necessary ingredients with her.
“Oh crap… I forgot the things that I need to get you out of here...”
Rainbow facehoofed.
“After all this time you’ve been making those lists... you are still capable to forget something? Okay, I guess we should take a plan ‘B’. You need to speak to Haydes.”
“Who?”
“She’s talking about me. Welcome to my kingdom, Twilight Sparkle.”
Twilight looked over towards the voice, spotting a light-green pegasus pony walking towards them. She was wearing a white cape and an olive crown.
“So… you’re the ruler of this world...aren’t you?” Twilight asked carefully, gazing upon the pony.
“De jure , yeah. But most of the time I’m just keeping order. You know - preventing ponies from coming back to life, and other stuff. It’s a really important task. None of these ponies should ever leave this place.”
“R-right… well, I’ve got a request for you. Can you let Rainbow to get back to life?”
“Sure, why not?”
Twilight looked at Dash, shocked a little.
The rainbow-maned pegasus shrugged.
“But on one condition.”
Twilight sighed.
“Of course, there’s always gonna be a catch. What is it?”
“You see… I’ve been living in here for a very long time. The only entertainment I had was listening to stories. There were many interesting ones, but I have one type I like the most. Stories about… how did they call it? Oh, right - ‘love’.
“Many ponies were remembering that thing with such emotion, as if it was something truly marvelous. And some of them are even capable of finding it in here. Don’t know how, though…
Actually, that’s the main thing. I have no idea about what the heck this thing means. And I’d like you two to...”
“Okay, we can have a three-way, then. Let’s go to my place and I’ll show you so much ‘love’, that you’ll never forget it” Rainbow said with unconcealed enthusiasm.
“Rainbow, I believe she didn’t mean that .” Twilight whispered.
“Oh, right. Well, you want us to find you a special somepony, then?”
“That’s how they called it, yes! A special somepony. I need to find it.” Haydes cheerfully answered.
“Give us a sec. We need to discuss it.” Twilight asked.
She leaned closer to Dash, who was looking at her with a puzzled face.
“You were really fast in there, Dashie. About this whole ‘three-way’ thing.”
“I… I was? Really? Well, I… I just… I just want to get out of here, that’s all!” Dash quickly said.
“Hmm… you’re sure? Your approval was so rapid...”
“Of course I’m sure. Well, truth to be told I wouldn’t mind it, but—”
Twilight raised her hoof, shutting Rainbow’s mouth.
“We will talk about your perverted tastes later. Now we need to figure out how we would find her a special pony... I think I’ve got an idea, though. I will talk to Haydes and you say nothing. Okay?”
“Mmhg!” Rainbow agreed with this statement.
“Good.”
Twilight turned to Haydes.
“Well, I think we can help you with that. I’m sure there are many ponies in here who’d love to—”
“Twilight, you’re wrong. In here, everypony knows me. And no one would like to become my… favourite pony? Whatever.” The ruler of the afterlife world said confidently.
She continued. “What I need - is to go to Equestria. And in there, I’m sure I will definitely find what I’m looking for. With the help of you two, of course. So, what’d you say?”
Twilight and Rainbow looked at one another, and then said at the same time:
“Deal.”
Haydes smiled.
“Great. I knew you were smart ponies. Well, shall we move to Equestria? I will open the portal right now.”
“Wait… You mean that Rainbow will return, as well?” Twilight asked hopefully.
The pegasus laughed.
“Of course not, my dear Twilight Sparkle. Like I said - she will return only if I will find a specific pony. But don’t you worry. I’ve got an idea.”
“Rainbow, I’m so sorry! I had no idea, honestly!”
“Relax, Twilight Sparkle. She doesn’t look that bad.”
“If you’re not going to shut up right now, I’m gonna kick your flanks…”
“Using what? Your wings?”
The rainbow-colored parrot cast a baleful gaze upon the giggling Haydes.
“No hard feelings, okay? Now, remember that despite being a talking parrot you can’t pronounce difficult phrases. Get it?”
“Get it! Get it!”
“Good birdie!”
“Say that again and I’ll introduce you to Mr. Beak!”
“You see, Twilight? She’s adapting really fast.”
Twilight sighed.
‘This is going to be one heck of a task. What was I thinking?’
You can take her back... but on one condition
“So, what’s our next step?” Asked Haydes, curiously looking around. It was clear as day that she’d never been in the upper world before.
“I suggest we should head on to my library first. I need to check some books which could give us wise advice about where to begin with this whole romance thing.”
The rainbow-colored parrot on Twilight’s shoulder chuckled.
“Still the same good old Twi, aren’t you? Believing that books have the answers to any question.”
“Laugh it up, Dash. But you have to admit that I was able to recognize your interest in me only because I’ve read some books about romantic relationships.”
“Oh, right. Although it was after our first time, wasn’t it?”
Twilight gulped.
“Um… Well… I...I don’t quite remember…er… Haydes, how do you like our world so far?”
The alicorn turned around only to find that the ruler of the afterlife word was nowhere to be found.
“Haydes? Where are you?”
“That can’t be good. I better go and prevent her from getting herself into trouble.”
“Good idea. I’ll stay here in case she returns.”
The prismatic bird flew off from Twilight’s shoulder and quickly disappeared in the air, leaving a rainbow-colored track behind her.
‘I don’t think she was able to go too far. Maybe I could detect her, using a magical spell. Although she’s not a regular pony after all… well, I’m gonna take this risk anyway.’
Twilight closed her eyes and prepared. Her horn lighted, making a bubble-like energy construction. It separated from the tip of the horn and hung in the air.
“Okay… Here’s Dash, trying to get used to a new way of flying… but I need to find Haydes. Hmm… maybe I should tune this thing to show me her tracks? Yeah, that’ll do.”
But before she was able to do anything, she heard a scream, coming from somewhere nearby:
“I don’t want it! Leave me alone, you weirdo!”
‘Let me guess - Haydes,’ Twilight thought wearily.
She was right. Immediately afterwards a yellow-maned unicorn mare ran past her, with the bounding for of Haydes hot on her tail, while carrying a cart, filled with flowers and with a yelping Rose, who was harnessed into it.
“Wait! I want you to be my specific pony! Can’t you see these flowers I’m ready to give you?”
“Take the flowers, take everything, just let me leave!” the flower trader pleaded, her eyes wide with fear.
“Haydes, stop! What in Equestria do you think you’re doing?!” shouted Twilight, quickly approaching the ruler of the afterlife, who finally stopped and put the cart on the ground.
“I’m trying to find love, Twilight Sparkle. Have you forgotten it, already?” Haydes said.
“That’s not how it should be done! Look at poor Rose; you could have killed her!”
Haydes squinted at the panting mare, who clung to the sides of the cart in a vise grip.
“Huh… I didn’t notice her when I grabbed the cart... Hey! Maybe you’d like to be my—”
She didn’t have a chance to finish her phrase.
“Well… I’ve seen many things, but this… I guess you’ve really scared her, Haydes.” Twilight said with amazement. The earth pony flower seller bolted away from them, running at a speed that would put Rainbow Dash to shame.
Haydes snorted.
“It happened only because of their timidness,” she said flatly. “They were way too shy, in my opinion.”
“Or maybe you’re just… well, not quite sure about how to meet new ponies,” Twilight pointed out.
“You… really think so?” Haydes asked hesitantly. “Well, you could be right… I mean, I have never had any practice in this.”
“Twilight! I’ve made several circles around Ponyville, but I couldn’t find Hay… oh, she’s here?”
Rainbow Dash landed on Twilight’s shoulder, breathing heavily.
“It’s kinda difficult to fly in this body…”
Twilight giggled and nuzzled up to the parrot Rainbow Dash.
“Well, now that Rainbow is here I think we should return to my original plan about what to do next.”
“Yeah? And what’s that?” Rainbow asked.
“We’ll teach her how to meet new ponies. About the ways of dating, and so on.”
“Oh, right. And I will teach her about hooking up with ponies.”
“A parrot for a pick-up teacher? Now that’s new.”
“Twilight!”
An hour later...
‘Okay, attempt number one. This shouldn’t be too difficult.’
Haydes took a deep breath, then trotted in a solid gait to the nearest pony, a lavender-blue pegasus with orchid eyes and a blonde mane.
“Hi, there! Nice to meet you. My name is Haydes.”
“Oh, hi!” she responded, smiling and waving a hoof. “My name’s Cloud Kicker. How are you?”
‘Okay, use Rainbow Dash’s advice now.’
“I’m doing good, but I’d be much better with you by my side, if you know what I mean, babe.”
Cloud Kicker blinked in confusion, titling her head.
“What do you mean by that?” she asked.
“Mmm… playing innocent, aren’t we? Okay, I’ll join you, then. How about this?”
The ruler of the afterworld closed her eyes and slightly opened her mouth.
“Um… What are you doing?”
‘Darn it! I forgot what should I do with my mouth open. Maybe...’
“Ouch! Get away from me! You’re sick!”
Haydes wonderingly watched at her quickly walking away, chewing part of the pegasus’s freshly-bitten off mane.
‘I don’t think Dash meant that when she was talking about pick-up.’
‘Attempt number two. Now I will make things right.’
Haydes sat near a unicorn stallion who was reading a book.
“Hey, how are you? I see you like reading, huh?”
“Well, yes. But I like reading much more if nothing is distracting me from it.”
“Yeah, I hear that. I don’t like when somepony get on my nerves, too. You know, we have a lot in common - it just couldn’t be a simple coincidence.”
He looked at her for few seconds, then shook his head and continued his reading.
Haydes nervously smiled.
“And… when two ponies have a lot in common… they become a couple… right?”
“Look, I don’t know what the heck are you talking about, but I’d like to have some peace, if that’s okay.”
“Of course! I can give you as much peace as you’d like.”
Haydes touched the stallion’s forehead and he immediately closed his eyes and dropped the book, lying lifelessly on the bench.
‘Um… I hope he meant that kind of peace… or no… I’d better bring him back.’
As soon as the unicorn opened his eyes and saw Haydes, he yelled and run away, forgetting to get his book.
“Hey, come back! I just wanted to… great, he ran away from me. Just because I gave him a quick tour to my kingdom?”
She sighed. “Well, at least I keep ponies in shape.”
‘Okay, third time is the charm. I can’t miss.’
Haydes placed herself in front of a massive pure-white pegasus stallion with unproportionally tiny wings.
“So, you think you can beat me in hoofwrestling, huh? You look kinda puny,” he said, doubtfully observing her.
“Don’t worry, my dear. I’m stronger than I look. Let’s do it.” She extended her forehoof.
‘Alright… Rainbow said that a little competition could speed things up rapidly. But she didn’t tell me if it should be my win or my loss. On one hoof, if I win he might feel himself offended… but if I lose, he might suspect that I succumbed. Hmm… it’s a quite of dilemma. I think I… Ugh, a mosquito. I hate mosquitoes!’
Haydes shook her hoof in order to knock off the importunate insect. After that she tried to return back to hoofwrestling; but she couldn’t find her opponent. She looked around, puzzled about how that big pony could just disappear; and then she noticed a tiny little white spot in the sky. The spot was rapidly becoming bigger and bigger.
‘Interesting, what it could be? Maybe it’s… wait a minute. Why is it cursing, anyway? I didn’t think objects could do something like—’
Suddenly Haydes realised that it was that pegasus stallion.
‘Whoops… I didn’t mean to launch him into the air… Um… I’d better get going before he lands.’
‘Okay, I’m tired of all this crap. This is going to be the last attempt.’
Haydes carefully approached an orange-coated earth pony wearing a hat, who was walking her dog.
“Hi, my name is Haydes. Heh, seems like you’ve got a very nice dog.”
The earth pony smiled.
“Eeyup, she’s a great dog. Oh, sorry, where are mah manners. The name’s Applejack, and this is Winona. Winona, say hello, girl.”
The dog cheerfully barked, ran up to Haydes and held up a paw.
Haydes giggled, taking the paw in a hoof and gently shaking it. “Wow, it’s really impressive. Did you train her?” she said.
“Well, Ah’m trying to teach her some lessons, here and there. She’s pretty dang smart, and figures out a lot of things real quick.”
“You know, I like… no, I love dogs. I have one, myself. I can show you him... if you don’t mind, of course.”
“Oh, really? I’d sure like that, actually,” Applejack answered, smiling brightly.
Haydes gave a loud whistle.
“He’ll be here in no time.” she smiled.
*boom.*
“What in tarnation was that?” Applejack asked, glancing around fearfully.
*Boom.*
“Oh, that? It’s just my...”
*BOOM!*
“...dog.”
A giant black beast appeared directly behind Haydes. It had three heads, with red glowing eyes and fangs that would scare even a manticore. The monster wagged his tail, at the end of which was a huge snake.
“This is Cerberus, but I usually call him ‘Smokey’ because of his color. He’s very playful and fun, isn’t he? Applejack?”
She looked back to her with a frown. “Hey, Applejack? Are you okay?”
The earth pony squeaked weakly and fainted dead away.
‘That’s it! I’ve had enough of this!’
“... and it was my last time I’ve tried to find a special somepony. I guess no local citizen needs me,” Haydes summarized the disappointing outcome, looking sadly to Twilight and Rainbow Dash.
“Wow, Haydes. Don’t mean to sound rude or anything, but... you suck at this. Honestly, I can think about it as a talent; being able to fail, even after having such an awesome pick-up teacher as me,” Rainbow Dash said, preparing to peck up a cracker.
“I… I just don’t know what to do. It seemed like a good idea, but now… I have no clue,” Twilight mumbled, trying to think of something nevertheless.
Haydes sighed.
“I don’t think I will be able to find anypony among these ones. They are too… soft.”
“Soft? What do you mean?”
“I mean, they are used to a comfortable and safe life, and if something happened at least somehow more exciting, they end up scared.”
“Well, if by ‘exciting’ you meant ‘bring a giant monster from the pits of Tartarus’, then yes, you’re right,” Twilight remarked ironically.
“I just need somepony who’d fit me just fine. Somepony courageous, tough, maybe a little crazy. Heck, I’d agree to have somepony slightly malefic!”
With each word a puzzle into Twilight’s head was taking shape. And the last one became a trigger which had painted the whole picture.
“Rainbow!” Twilight asked excitedly. “Are you thinking what I'm thinking?”
“I guess so, but... let’s face it, Twi. We can’t do that until I get my body back.”
“Um… what are you talking about?”
The parrot stared at Twilight with her best ‘are-you-for-real’ look.
“About sex, of course. Wait, did you think about something else?”
Twilight facehoofed.
“Sorry. I forgot that sex is the only thing you’re thinking about all the time. Nevermind.”
She turned to the ruler of the afterlife.
“Haydes! I think I know the pony who would be just right for you.”
“Really?! Where should I go to meet this pony?” Haydes asked heatedly, hoping off from the couch.
“It’s far away, so me and Rainbow will go with you.This is going to be a long trip, but trust me - it’ll be worth every single mile we’ll pass.”
“Um, Twilight? Who the heck is this pony you’re talking about?”
Twilight smiled, and said one word.
“Chrysalis.”
You can take her back... but on one condition
“Are we there yet?”
“No.”
“How about now?”
“No.”
“And now?”
“NO.”
“Now?”
“NO!”
“Aww...”
“Haydes, look,” Twilight started, barely holding herself from sending all their deal to the pits of Tartarus… with Dash as well, “There is a huge distance between us and Chrysalis’ location, remember? I warned you about it, but you didn’t mind walking all this path. So what the hay?”
“But we’ve been walking for such a lo-ooo-ong time!” the ruler of the afterlife moaned.
“Ahem. Actually, we haven’t even left Ponyville yet.” Twilight answered, pointing to the library at a distance of about a hundred yards from them.
“Oh. W-well, it doesn’t change anything!”
“I can feel it, Twi - she’s gonna drive us crazy in no time,” whispered the parrot on Twilight’s shoulder.
“I know. But what’s your suggestion? Tell her to buck off and leave you in the afterlife?”
“Well… I won’t lie, it wasn’t that horrible in there—especially in my real body—but I’d prefer being in Equestria, still.”
“Precisely. So, we need to tolerate her until we will arrive to—”
“Hey, girls! Listen, I’ve got an excellent idea!”
Both mares—figuratively speaking—shuddered at the same time.
“Yes, Haydes? What’s on your mind?” Twilight carefully asked, ready to stun her in order to give them time to flee. She wasn’t sure that it would work… but it was far better than letting Haydes implement another crazy thought.
“How about if I make our travel faster?”
“Faster? What do you mean?” Dash asked.
Haydes laughed.
“It’s elementary, my dear Rainbow Dash. I forgot completely about the hekatonkheires. They actually were meant to be guarding my kingdom alongside Cerberus… but all they’re doing is telling vulgar jokes to each other and gobbling up my ambrosia stocks when I’m not looking. Finally I can make them do something useful.”
“Hekaton-who? Twilight, do you know who these guys are?” Rainbow Dash asked, puzzled so much that she tried to scratch the back of her head with her beak.
“I’m afraid I do...” Twilight answered, preparing for the worst.
In the meantime, Haydes was performing her summoning spell.
The earth suddenly began to shake.
“They are punctual, l’ll give them that,” the ruler of the afterlife remarked.
Immediately after her comment the surface before them split open, revealing two gigantic figures. Their appearance was so unnatural and wrong on so many levels that nothing was able to describe it.
“Darn, it has been a while since I was here. I’ve never thought I’d see the sky once again.”
“Indeed. Hey, did I tell you that joke about Cerberus being in fresh air?”
“No, you didn’t. Tell me!”
“Okay, here’s the deal—”
“SHUT UP!” Haydes commanded, enraged with their behavior. “What a shame! You didn’t even bow to your queen! What would the mortals think?”
Both giants looked to each other, then casted their gazes towards Twilight and Rainbow Dash.
“I don’t think they’d give even a flying feather ‘bout this, boss,” one of them remarked.
Haydes quickly approached her hapless and unconscious companions.
“C’mon, get up. They don’t look that bad.”
“But they are… so ugly,” Rainbow Dash weakly said, slowly regaining her consciousness.
“Hey!” both giants snapped indignantly.
“Hush, you two. She just didn’t use to see anyone like this.”
“I’d rather eat Celestia’s special royal cake and burn down my library than seeing that on regular basis.” Twilight came to her senses, too.
Before hekatonkheires were able to answer such an insult, Haydes vigorously raised her forelegs to the air.
“Enough! I will not allow you to start an argument. Especially now, when my personal life is at stake!”
“And if any of smart-flank hekatonkheires will say even a word, he will be writing down full names for all ponies in my kingdom from the beginning!” she threatened.
Her servants quickly nodded, shrinking back from her outburst.
“Good. Now, I need your help. You see, we’re heading to one place, but it’s too far away from here. So, you must chunk us towards this direction.” Haydes pointed to the south-east.
“No problem, boss.”
Twilight blinked. “Wait, wh—”
Rainbow-colored, purple and light-green trails painted the sky.
“HAYDES!!!” Twilight screamed.
“WHAT?!!”
“...YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THAT!!!”
“WHY?!!”
“BECAUSE IT WAS A RHETORICAL EXCLAMATION, CALLED TO POINT OUT TO OUR LACK OF READINESS IN A COMICAL WAY!!!”
“OH!!! OKAY, SORRY!!! WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN!!!”
Chrysalis was lazily lying in the grass just next to the entrance of her hideout, watching detachedly at clouds, enjoying fresh wind and flowers smell and making plans about world domination. Just a regular day, no biggie.
‘It’s been a year or so since my attempt to take over Canterlot. They think they defeated me? Ha! This is so naive! My changeling army is stronger than ever, now, and my emotional devouring power is ready to consume anything. Soon I will lead my loyal servants to Canterlot and… hey, this cloud looks exactly like a little fluffy kitty. So cute.
‘Yeah, and this time nopony will stop me. I will become the ruler of Equestria and then - the ruler of the whole world!
‘...here should be an evil laugh, but I’m feeling myself too lazy to even make a noize. Oh well, it implied anyways.’
Her peaceful thoughts were suddenly interrupted by strange sound. As if a bunch of pegasi were rapidly losing altitude.
“... hold on to me, Dash! I can stop our falling!”
‘Strange. I could have sworn that I heard that voice before.’ Chrysalis thought.
“With what? My wings? I’m a bucking parrot!”
“Crap happens! Use your claws, now!”
A loud ‘ouch’ was merged with the vision of a purple alicorn, who was flapping her wings like crazy in order to make her landing at least slightly comfortable.
After a few second she crashed to the ground, not breaking any bones, though.
“Twilight, your landing could use some work.”
Chrysalis was stunned when she realised that it was a rainbow-colored parrot who said it. She knew that Equestrian animals are smart… but not so smart to talk.
“Sh… shut up… Dash… It was my… first… time… ugh.”
‘Okay, stop acting like a filly who saw Celestia’s rising sun. Time to go and act like a real villain.’
“Well, well. What have we here? Seems like it’s two intruders who has taken a wrong path and came strictly to my hideout,.” Chrysalis remarked, approaching the duo.
“Actually, Chrysalis, the cheese-like black bug thing, there are three intruders. You just didn’t see our friend.”
“Don’t you dare to talk like that to the queen of changelings! I...”
A mushroom-like green cloud which appeared behind Chrysalis stopped her speech. A huge shockwave knocked her off of her hooves.
“I guess it’s her version of Sonic Rainnuke,” the parrot said, absently trying to peck an earthworm.
“Thank Celestia she landed far away from us. I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life as a mummy in the hospital.”
“W-who… was that?...” the changeling queen said weakly, slowly getting up.
“Oh, right. Where are my manners. Chrysalis, let me introduce you to our friend. Her name is Haydes.” Twilight answered.
Chrysalis turned around and saw a green pegasus mare, who ran up to her with a sheepish smile on her face.
“Sorry for the hard landing, but it was the first time for my hekatonkheires to do something like this. Now… where is my special pony?!”
Rainbow Dash and Twilight both nodded toward the stunned changelings queen.
Haydes looked at her. After few seconds of observing a huge bright smile appeared on her face.
“Omigosh, she’s perfect!!! I already fell in love! Would you be my special pony?” Haydes addressed to Chrysalis, “Please, please, please!”
Chrysalis helplessly looked to Twilight and Dash, who were already laughing out loud.
“Um...”
“Please! It would be great if you say yes! We will have a great date in my kingdom! I will show you my palace, my favourite places to visit and a plushie of a chimera I’ve made myself!”
Suddenly all the pieces of a puzzle gathered themselves together in the queen’s head. She finally realised who was standing before her.
‘It’s Haydes - the ruler of the afterlife! I can’t believe in my luck. Just imagine what I can accomplish with her help! Or, if I will be able to devour her emotions… I will be unstoppable! I can’t miss this opportunity. Well, she fell in love with me somehow… but I think I’ll handle it. Okay, now act like you’ve accepted her offering. You don’t need to act suspicious.’
“Well, I sure don’t mind a little da—” Before she was able to finish the phrase, Chrysalis found herself compressed into a bear hug.
“Thank you! I swear you won’t regret this!”
‘Me, too… If I survive this and become a ruler of Equestria, I’m going to ban hugs completely! Agh, my sides...’
You can take her back... but on one condition
“Um… Haydes, why is this beast following us? I mean, it doesn’t think about me and Rainbow as threats…right?”
Haydes cast a quick glance over her shoulder to Cerberus, who had started to sniff Twilight’s mane.
“Nah, don’t you worry, Twilight Sparkle. He just wants to be friends with you. Right, Smokey?”
The beast barked excitedly, nearly knocking down all four of them, and started to wiggle it’s tail.
“He’s so lovely...” said Haydes detachedly. She gave a sheepish smile to Chrysalis, who had been trying—very hard—not to show her true emotions towards everything she saw so far.
“Don’t you think, dear? Um... sorry, forgot your name. What was that, again?”
“My name is Chrysalis, the queen of the Changelings.”
Haydes scratched her head.
“Yeah… well, it’s still hard for me to pronounce that. Would you mind if I called you ‘Chryssi?’”
Chrysalis’ eyes were now literally glowing with red fire, ready to burn everything within fifty miles to ashes.
“How dare you call me, the great queen of Changelings, pitiful names like this?!” she shouted.
Haydes giggled.
“I knew you’d like it, Chryssi! Your ardent reaction just confirmed that. Not to mention your eyes, sparking from excitement.”
The Changeling queen just shook her head.
Okay. I will ignore it, since she doesn’t seem to understand a thing. Hmm, I wonder how she’s even been ruling the whole thing for so much time? No matter. It’d be much easier to control her, once everything is over.
In the meantime, Twilight and Rainbow Dash, who had finally become a pony once again, talking to each other, below one’s breath.
“I don’t understand, Twi. We did bring Haydes a victim… um, I mean, a special pony (I don’t see much difference, though). So, why the heck am I still here?”
“Me, neither. I mean, we completed our part of this deal… maybe Haydes forgot about it?”
Rainbow Dash grunted, then flew over to Haydes, who was absorbedly telling some ancient legend to Chrysalis.
“Hey, sorry for interrupting, but I got a question for you, Haydes.”
The ruler of the underworld looked to the pegasus.
“No, it’s okay. Chryssi, would you mind if I’ll stop for a second?”
Chrysalis rapidly shook her head, inwardly extolling Rainbow Dash for providing her a break from this crude torture.
“So, what’s up?” Haydes asked, slapping Charon to make him transport them through the river, since he had fallen asleep like always.
“Well, since now you have… you know, a special somepony, and stuff...” Rainbow started timidly.
She wasn’t able to continue the sentence when a black-winged, cloaked figure with a sword in its mouth landed right on their boat.
“What the hay ya think you’re doin’?! This boat is carryin’ enough weight as it is!” Charon snapped angrily, trying to drive away the visitor with a paddle.
“Your… majesty… I’ve got… new… souls...” The visitor spoke, dodging all Charon’s strikes.
“You can fly, ya lazy thing! Get out of mah boat!”
“Go... buck… yourself… ouch! ”
The next paddle’s strike was successful: the visitor got hit to the head and fell down to the water.
Haydes looked to her watch.
“You weren’t kidding when you bragged that you can drive away Thanagos in ten seconds flat. Impressive.”
Charon nodded, puffing his chest out.
“Actually I just got easier on our good old ferrypony,” Thanagos said, placing a rubber duck on the water. “You know... to let him win just one time.”
“Ya did not!”
“I did, actually.”
“Enough, you two. Thanagos, you said that you’ve got something for me. What is it?”
The death itself gasped, then quickly flew off the river and waved at someone.
“Your majesty, there are one thousand and sixty eight souls who have recently arrived to your kingdom. Let me introduce them to you—”
“Not right now. I‘ve got other business to do. Just let them wait, ‘till Charon will come back and pay him for transporting them to my kingdom.”
“But… I always do that… for you… I mean, it’s a tradition… you can’t just...”
“Yeah, but not this time. Don’t you see that I have a guest? ”Haydes interrupted him impatiently. “Now leave, I don’t have time for you right now. Shoo.”
The personification of death sniffled.
“If somepony needs me, I’m in my room with my teddy bear, crying myself to sleep.”
“Huh,” Twilight frowned, watching Thanagos’ form shrink into the distance. “I guess even Death may cry, sometimes.”
“So, Rainbow,” Haydes turned to the now-frowning mare, “what did you want to tell me?”
“I… um...”
Chrysalis shut her ears with hooves, slightly swinging from side to side.
This isn’t the underworld world, it’s more like a looney bin on vacation. Nope, nope, nope, I’m not gonna go crazy with all of them.
“I mean… we brought you... her, right? So… I guess we’ve made our part of deal, haven’t we?”
Haydes tapped her chin with a hoof.
“Well… you certainly have. I guess I must to let you go, now. It was fun, girls. See you later.”
“Later? What do you mean?” Twilight asked.
“Well duh - when you will die, of course.”
Both mares looked to each other.
“Yeah… right… ”
“I will be looking forward to this meeting. But for now - adiós, amigos!”
Bang!
Haydes clapped her hooves, and both Twilight and Rainbow disappeared.
“Okay, I think we’re here. Behold, Chryssi - this is my kingdom!”
Chrysalis and Haydes now were walking through a street, filled with a great amount of ponies. They looked almost like regular, alive ones, with just one little difference - they were slightly transparent.
“Hi, Haydes. Lovely day, isn’t it?” A blue-coated mare said, smiling brightly.
“It sure is!” Haydes replied with a smirk.
“Will Cerberus come out to play? I think I’d like to do some hide-and-seek with him again, sometime.” A stallion with a long white beard asked.
“How could I not let Cerberus go and play with you, Starswirl? You’re getting along really great. Little patience, and he’ll be here.” The ruler of the afterworld chuckled, seeing a sincere happiness expression on his face.
“Who’s with you, Hay? I believe I saw her, back there.” A white pegasus in golden armor remarked.
“Oh, it’s just Chryssi, don’t mind her. She’s still alive so it’s more like a tour--”
“Chrysalis? Is that you?”
Chrysalis gulped.
“M…mother? What… what are you doing here?”
A black-and-green coated mare with a curved horn and crystalline wings approached them.
“Well duh - I’m dead. Where else could I be?”
“She has a point, Chryssi.” Haydes remarked.
“So, you and Haydes… are together, now? It was rather unexpected. But I guess after your failure with trying to get Shining marry you, you didn’t really have a choice.”
Chrysalis casted a grim glance towards her mother. The mare chuckled.
“What? We do have mass media here. ‘Press for deads’ is coming every day.”
“Well, I’m sorry, missis...um… Chryssi’s mom, but I have to ask you to steal your daughter for some time. We will talk, later - I’m sure in it.”
“Alright. Have fun. And Chrysalis, I will remember you once again - do not feed changelings after sunset. I hope you remember what happened last time you did it.”
“Yeah… I do,” Chrysalis winced, when she remembered a squad of fluffy bunnies, hopping around. That was a disaster.
Her mother nodded and walked off.
“Well, Chryssi - welcome to my castle. Make yourself at home.”
Twenty minutes later...
No, that wouldn’t do.
Haydes was observing Chrysalis for some time, while the queen of changelings tried to make herself eat at least some ambrosia, that was offered as romantic meal.
Although nopony warned her that the food of the goods would taste like a dusty old hat.
I can feel that she doesn’t like ambrosia. And also - she doesn’t seems to be comfortable at all, around me. What can I do for it... hey, wait a second!
Haydes mentally groaned from her own stupidity.
How could I forgot? I can make anypony fell in love with me! Well, I guess sometimes even I can be silly.
Alright, Chryssi, time to take the big guns!
“Would you excuse me, Chryssi? I’ll be right back.”
Chrysalis nodded weakly, wondering how much time she would last without throwing up.
Haydes galloped out of her private room and run to Hermes’ room.
“Time to wake up, dude! I’ve got something for you to do!”
The fastest thing in both worlds opened one eye and looked at Haydes.
“If it’s something that wouldn’t cause doomsday, then I’m not going to lift a hoof.”
Haydes facehoofed. Sure he was the fastest; but also - the laziest.
“Personal business, okay? Now get your lazy flank out of this couch and deliver that message to Eros. I need him to make one pony fall in love with me.”
“Have you forgotten that he took a century off? He’s probably in Las Pegasus, now. You know him - surfing, parties, picnics. He’s all about it.” Hermes replied with a yawn.
“Wait… but… who the heck is making ponies love each other?!” Haydes asked, surprised beyond belief.
Hermes snapped his fingers and started to eat a strawberry sundae, which was floated in the air right next to him.
“Ah believe that he gave some of his powers ta Cadence, the Princess of Crystal something.” He told with his mouth full.
Haydes contritely shook her head.
“Darn it… alright, nevermind. Thanks for the help… figuratively speaking.”
The God of Transitions nodded, returning back to his never-ending sleep.
Why do I even keep this lazy guy as an errand boy? He’d better come up with millions of reasons to stay here than actually get up and deliver something.
Suddenly Haydes heard screams from her room.
Oh, no… Chryssi!
She stormed to the door to see an interesting picture: Chrysalis was squealing like a filly who saw a rat, trying to fight off Cerberus.
“Smokey, sit! We don’t chew our guests’ tails!”
Cerberus rumbled discontentedly, but left Chrysalis alone.
“Sorry ‘bout that Chryssi. I’m...” Haydes was interrupted by Chrysalis’ hysterical scream.
“Enough! I have had enough. It’s not an underworld world, it’s just a mockery! You look like clowns, who wants to play gods! And I was stupid enough to wonder to use use in my plan to take over Equestria! Not anymore!”
Haydes sat down, her eyes filled with tears.
“You… you just used me? But I thought… I thought that we have something special between us...”
“No, we have not. And now, when you know the truth, bring me back to Equestria! I will conquer it alone and… hey, where’re you going?! Come back!!!”
Haydes didn’t hear her yell, consumed with grief and sorrow.
In Equestria...
The ruler of the underworld pushed open the door of Ponyville’s library, which she remembered well enough to not miss.
“Twilight Sparkle, are you he— WAH!”
“Haydes! What the heck?! Didn’t anypony teach you how to knock?!”
“I just… I didn’t think that you...”
“What else could we do? We haven’t seen each other for who knows how much time!”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt… oh, this is so embarrassing...”
Twilight sighed.
“Well, we were about to finish anyway. Rainbow’s mane didn’t need that much combing.”
The alicorn put down the comb, and turned to Haydes.
“So, what’s up? Why are you here?”
Haydes sighed.
“It’s Chryssi… turns out, she wanted to use me to take over Equestria… I thought… I thought that we will… that… that she interested in me, and instead...”
Rainbow Dash trotted over to the sobbing Goddess.
“Well, it’s Chrysalis we’re talking about. She’s all about that stuff. Sadly, but if you want a courageous and risky pony (except me, of course) - you have to go to villains.”
Haydes nodded, still consumed with sorrow.
Twilight looked over her, then beckoned Rainbow.
“Hey, Dashie… I thought that maybe we should help her?” She whispered.
“What? But, come on - we made our part of a deal. So as she. We don’t have any debts to each other.”
“I know. But look at her. She’s literally destroyed from inside. It’s just… not right. Ponies shouldn’t be like this. Even those like Haydes.”
“Same good and kind Twilight, aren’t you? Well, alright. I don’t mind to help our underworld ruler. But… how we will do it?”
Twilight chuckled.
“Don’t you worry, Dash. We were able to redeem Discord, so why not Chrysalis? I will think of something.”