Enter Equestria

I woke up in my room.

"Note to self, stay away from Lyra." I said to myself.

I put on my clothes from yesterday, and went outside.

I then saw two blurs flying around.

"Great, Gilda is here." I said, making a flying power and flying after them, wasn't hard with super speed.

"Yo, whatup." I said to them.

"Gilda, this is Dill." Dash said.

"Your a weird guy aren't ya?" Gilda asked.

"Whateve's Gee." I said, before flying toward town.

I flew up to Pinkie.

"Hey Pinkie, I'm bored, I challenge you to a Pie Eating Contest!" I exclaimed.

"Ok!" She said, making 20 pies appear out of thin air.

"Loser has to bring Gilda on a date." I said with a smirk.

"Okie, Dokie, Loki!" She said.

"123Go." I said very fast, before we started eating.

We were evenly matched, but eventually, Pinkie won.

"Guess I'm the distraction so Gilda doesn't disrupt town." I said to myself.

I eventually found Gilda stealing apples from the carts.

Before she could take a bite, I stopped her.

"Gilda, I lost a bet to Pinkie, and the loser had to take you out on a date." I said, a little annoyed that I was the one to distract her.

"Really, why would I go on a date with a weirdo?" She asked.

"Because it was a bet, I lost, we're going on a date, end of story."  I said firmly.

"Fine, let me go tell Rainbow about what I was dragged into." She said.

"Whateve's Gee." I said, before zooming off toward the library.

"You did what?" Twilight asked.

"Well like I said, I lost a bet with Pinkie, so I have to go on a date with Gilda." I said again.

"Do you have any experience with dating?" She asked.

"No, but really, the dates a distraction to stop her from disrupting town." I said.

"Ok, I'll get the girls, I'll cast a spell that allows us to hear everything you two say, and you will be able to hear us." She said.

"Alright, see you at the restaurant." I said after she cast the spell on me, and before I zoomed off.

After a half hour, we made it to the restaurant, the Main six went to a table behind Gilda's back, I was directly in front of her. She asked for a daffodil sandwich, I asked for the Hay fries.

"Everypony hear is a bunch of fancy dweebes." Gilda said, I chuckled, and put on a fake french accent.

"What would you like to order, a fresh out of the oven froo la la, or some of our best froo ha ha." I said, she giggled.

"Your not such a bad guy after all." She said, I smiled.

"Lets not get too sappy, I want to be able to hold down my lunch." I replied.

Once our food arrived, we dug in.

"This is good food." She said.

"A bit cold, but its good." I said.

We actually had a good conversation.

"And then I was like 'Oatmeal, are you crazy!" I said, finishing my joke, Gilda and the Main six laughed really hard.

"That was a good one Dill." Gilda said.

"Yeah, and that's how I lost my car." I said, she smiled.

"Wow Dill, your the funniest guy I've met, I just wish you didn't hang out with those Lame-o ponies." She said.

"Oh come on, their not that bad." I said.

"Oh come on Dill, you can't be serious, their Lame, they are always happy, I'm surprised there not gay." She said.

"Gilda, don't make fun of them." I said, a little angry,

"I can't believe your sticking up for them, there all losers, why must you hang out with them, a bunch of sissy ponies, if you ask me the-." I cut her off, I was furious.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU STUPID SPOILED BRAT, I WILL SHOVE THESE CHOPSTICKS UP YOUR ASS, YOU'LL BE COUGHING SPLINTERS!" I shouted.

"Whoa, dude, calm down." She said.

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, I AM CALM, IF I WASN'T CALM, YOU'D BE DROWNING IN BLEACH RIGHT NOW, YOU SPOILED, FUCK!"

"Lady, Man, your to noisy, pay now and leave." The waiter said.

"AND WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!?"

"If you don't leave now, I'll call the guards." He said, sternly.

"PARENTS DIDN'T LOVE YOU ENOUGH?!" I shouted.

"Wha-" I cut him off.

"ALL THE KIDS GOT TO GO TO MANEHATTON, WHILE YOU WERE STUCK AT HOME SEWING UNDIES FOR YOUR GRANDPA!?"

"They were so saggy and big." He said, a tear running down his face.

"AND NOW YOUR SERVING THIS CRAPPY FOOD TO A MAN, WHO MAKES WHAT YOU MAKE IN TEN YEARS, IN TWO DAYS!"

"Oh chrisbrownjoke no!" He exclaimed.

"YOUR PARENTS SHOULD OF DROPPED YOU OFF THE BOAT THEY SAILED IN FROM!"

He started to cry, and ran away.

"Peace." I said to Gilda, who had her jaw dropped.

I went outside.

"Dill, I didn't know you could get so . . . angry." Rarity said.

"Yeah, well, that's what happens when you pick on my friends." I said, putting my arms around them all, walking away, into the sunset.