Spike's Bad Week

Spike’s Bad Week

Day One

Chapter Three: Lunatic

A valid description of Professor Von Kripplestiens’ lab could be that it looked like what one would except from any typical lab… if that lab belonged to a mad scientist.  Spike glanced at the sight of equipment, flasks, powders, and potions scattered thought the room. An acrid smell filled the room because of mixture of chemicals spread throughout the lab. Towards the end of the room, he saw what looked like an operation table… with some kind of red stains. Spike shivered hoping that it was not what it looked like. Spike spotted the professor hovering around in his hover-chair with his attention engulfed by the microscopes in front of him.

Spike came to a table with flasks of various sizes and powders of different powders. On closer inspection, he saw that they labeled with strange names. A container of blue powder was label “Parasprite Fuel” and a yellow flask labeled “King’s Demise”. Spike reached out to pick up a flask containing a clear flask that labeled “Orphan Tears” underneath it he say that there were some scribbling underneath the label.

“Get ze filthy claws off my equipment!” screeched a heavily accented voice. Spike felt a chill travel down his spine as he turned to his side to come face to face with the professor that was glaring at him.

“Whoa! Dude you almost scared me there.” Spike said with a chuckle. He gulped as he saw the griffon professor’s glare intensify. Well only half of his glare of intensified, Spike noticed that his left eye stood firm and did not move. Yet the professor had managed to appear menacing regardless of his glass eye; one glass eye, a mechanical left claw, and no rear legs.

“Who are you and what are ze doing in my lab?” the professor uttered to the dragon.

“M-My name is Spike and they sent me here.”Spike answered. He hoped the professor wasn’t as insane as The Executioner but with him greatly matching the archetype of a mad scientist, it wasn’t looking good for Spike.

Surprisingly the professor’s glare softened when he heard his response.  “Ah.” He said, “so you’re ze one dat they zent? Gud, very gud indeed,” The professor turned in his chair and hovered down the lab, “Come, fallow me assistant.”

“Don’t you mean ‘follow’?” Spike asked.

“Dat’s wat I said. Come on, don’t make me repeat myself.” The professor responded hovering over the microscopes he was observing earlier. “So ze are a dragon rite?”

“Yeah I’m a dragon,” Spike said as he approached the counter where the professor was.

The professor turned to Spike, allowing him access to the microscope that he was observing. “Haven’t had ze chances to work with a dragon before. Come here, take a look in ze microscope an’ tell wat you zee.” he told the dragon.

Spike glanced at the familiar looking microscope. He had seen that model before in Twilight’s basement laboratory, he knew that this one of the best.  “What model is this?” he asked the professor.

“Zat is a LunaTech ECLIPSE Enchanted Model 3C-E,” the professor replied.

Spike whistled as he looked threw the scope of the expensive equipment. From what he could remember of Twilight’s long and detailed lecture was that this microscope was amongst the best that were available on the market. His eyes were greeted with a detailed image of a cluster – no a colony of cells. Using the controls to the microscope, he managed to magnify the appearance of the cells until he could make out the tiny features. “I see a colony of cells, prokaryotic cells to be exact. I would guess bacteria but their shape, their form; it’s all weird and unusual.” He observed. “Nothing like I’ve ever seen before.”

“Ah someone wit a knowledge of biology, zey actually zent me a competent assistant dis time. Gud, very gud.” The professor gleefully exclaimed to the dragon as his hover chair twirled in the air. “You apparently know how to use zis microscope, so have you been a lab assistant before?”

“Yeah kinda, I’m more of a personal assistant. Most of the time she just has me write down notes or help around the library—that sort of thing. But she has a lab in the basement of the library that she uses once in awhile and she has one of these microscopes down there.” Spike answered.

Spike moved from the microscope as the professor took over and resumed observing its contents, “I zee. Well ze are correct in that these specimens are a bit unusual. In fact zeese are a new species entirely—created from scratch if ze can believe it.”

“Uh- what?” the baffled dragon asked.

“I’m simply looking for answers of life zat’s all,” Professor Von Kripplestien said. He hovered toward a nearby cabinet and began to search its contents. “You zee dragon, I’m just researching the foundations of life by creating it from scratch. They bacteria zat you zee over here are the result of magicks and science—but I am getting ahead of myself. Anyway can ze stretch your arm for me?” the professor asked.

Spike stretched his arm forward in compliance when he felt a sharp sting in his arm. “Yeowch! What was that for?” He asked the professor as he saw him pull a needle away from his arm.

“Don’t be zuch a baby; I’m just taking a blood sample zat is all.” Von Kripplestein said as he stored away the blood sample. He hovered back to the microscopes and resumed observing the strange bacteria. “Like I said dragon, dis is my current project—ze creation of life. We all know or at least should know zat all life consists of zells. All I’m simply doing is trying to create zells form scratch- from nothing but organic materials and with a little boost of ze magicks.”

“But why?” the dragon asked.

“Why not?” the professor responded, “Because of the there are many things zat we don’t know. I zeek to find answers more specifically the answers to wat is life. To wat makes life possible in da first place, and wat better way to start that from the foundations of life.”

“Okay then-“Spike said as he looked around the lab, “so they sent me to be your assistant, so what exactly do you want me to do?”

The professor turned around in his chair and hovered to the east end of the lab that cluttered with junk and a complete mess. “I vant you to clean up dis mess and throw away ze junk.” he ordered.

Spike looked around at the sight of dirty flasks and equipment that in dire need of a good cleaning. He saw that some of the flasks smothered in mold and some working stations cluttered with unfinished experiments. The stench of stale chemicals left out in the open filled his nostrils. He knew that there were various safety hazards in front of him and that any sane scientist would have the lab quarantined until it was safe. Unfortunately, Professor Von Kripplestein was no sane scientist.

“Clean up ze dirty equipment, salvage wats still good, and throw away wats no good.” The professor instructed as he paused in front of a workstation containing various large pieces of chocolate that was floating a few inches above the table surface. “Do you know wat dis is?” he asked the dragon.

“It looks like chocolate but it’s levitating,” Spike answered.

“Zis is antigravity chocolate, it’s one of my inventions,” the professor responding as he stared at the floating pieces of chocolate. A pause filled the lab before he continued speaking, “I am ze greastes griffon scientist zat ever lived you know? I have the brightest mind when it comes to inventions and military stratigy and take deep pride in my work. So dragon, d o you know what else zis is?” he asked pointing at the antigravity chocolate.

“Uh—no?” the dragon answered.

“… Zis is…well zis… zis was a COMPLETELY STUPID INVENTION AND A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME!” the professor screamed startling the dragon.  “Do you know wat we do with useless inventions?”

The dragon shook his head.

“Out ze fuckin’ window it goes!” the professor exclaimed as he picked up a chuck of levitating chocolate and flung it out the nearest open window. He turned to the dragon, “Get rid of all zis junk—but don’t throw out ze window. I get enough complaints as is.”

The professor returned back to the microscopes as he gave instructions to Spike, “Over to your left is a container where you can safely dispose ze wastes. Use your brain, if ze not sure about something just ask me. I don’t vant to clean another bloody mess.”

Spike proceeded to do what the professor said. He grumbled as he thought about some things just do not seemed to change, here is was on vacation and what does he do? He has be a lab assistant and clean up after a quirky scientist.

Spike arrived to a workstation that was different from the others in that it was surprisingly clean. There was not a spect of dust on a table and everything was well maintaintd. On the table was a cookie jar shaped like a teddy bear, next to it was a pitcher filled with lemonade. Spike’s stomach growled in reminder that he had not had the chance to eat that morning. He was feeling a bit peckish…

“Ah wouldn’t eat zat if I vere you,” the professor said not bothering to look away from his precious microbiology. “Ja, I can sense where you are. Zis is my lab after all.”

Spike turned around towards the professor, only to see the back of his hover chair. “Those cookies aren’t ordinary cookies, zey are shrink-mints. Eat one of those; you will shrink to the size of a tiny rat. Moreover, zat lemonade does ze opposite it makes you grow in size. Its real use is to return you to your normal size after ze consume a shrink-mint. However, do not drink too much of it or you vill expand too much and explode, “the professor paused as he hovered to another microscope. “Those bloodstains were a pain to remove…”he muttered under his breath.

“So what do I do with them?” asked Spike.

Professor Kripplestein placed his mechanical claw at his chin as he pondered for a moment, “Vell as amusing as ze experiment vas, it had nothing to offer. So my assistant, just get rid of zat stuff  and put it in the disposal bin.”

Spike glanced at the cookie jar and pitcher; leave it to a mad scientist to turn a seemingly ordinary snack into a potentially lethal experiment. The dragon assistant lifted the lid of the cookie jar and was bombarded with the savory smell of chocolate chips—it’s a shame that these cookies would have to be thrown away.

*Ting!*

Or maybe not, the professor said that the cookies or shrink-mints as he called them would shrink them to size of small rat which might be useful. If Spike wanted to escape from this nuthouse of a castle it would be easier to sneak past the guards if he were a smaller size. Right now he was willing to take anything that would help get out of this predicament. Spike grabbed a few of shrinking cookies and quickly stored them in his pockets that only appeared when they were needed. He then pulled out a beverage bottle and read the label, ‘LunaTech  Magi-Thermos:  The beverage bottle that adjusts to your size!’.

Well that’s very convenient. Spike thought to himself as he filled the bottle with strange lemonade.

╠═════════════╣

After Spike made sure that the “borrowed” goods were safely stored within his pockets that only appeared when needed, he resumed his duties given by the professor. When he was all done, he puffed out his chest taking pride in job well done. He walked up to the professor whom was busing scribbling down notes on his work desk.

“Ja?” He asked the dragon.

“Uh, I finished with the task you gave me.”Spike responded.

“Wat? Already? Well it’s a nice change for once dat they sent me a competent being. You saved me a lot of time young dragon.” The professor praised the dragon.  He turned around and continued with his scribbling, “Now go away.”

“What?” the dragon asked.

Before Professor Kripplestein could answer, there was a buzzing sound coming from a nearby by room. The professor quickly rushed past the dragon as he headed towards the door. “At last, ze batch of ze chocolate milk is complete. Once I find out who ze asshole that cut ze king’s trip short and ruined my earlier batch… oh ze things I vill do to him.”

The professor turned around and saw that the dragon was staring at him with his mouth opened,”You still here? I told you to leave! And close your mouth, ze look like an idiot.”

“Yeah, okay then—I’ll be leaving now,” Spike said as he rushed towards the door. He knew that the professor was mad but he did not feel like finding out to what extent.

Upon hearing the dragon exit through the laboratory’s main door, the professor resumed with his monologue, “Now vere was I? O yes, ze chocolate milk. I’ve got ze batch all ready for the king. And just you wait my king- just you wait. Once my Tediz are ready… zen we will see who uses ze duct tape.”

The professor burst out in maniacal laughter as a flash of lightning lit the room. “Ah I see zat my lighting generator is still working. Gud, very gud…”

╠═════════════╣

When Spike was escorted back to his cell he saw that Birdy… was still sleeping. Oh, come on! How much sleep does a scarecrow need? It’s not like he needs it.

Spike sat on one of the bunk beds as he thought of a plan to escape. Well I could use the enchanted cookies to slide threw the bars, but I don’t know the layout of the castle. Maybe if I can find a map or something like that…

There was a silent pause.

After a while, Spike gave a sight. I thought that would have activated Context Sensitive. Seems that there are limitations on how it works. How can something that defies all knowledge have a set of rules that if follows?

Spike stood up and began pacing back and forth throughout his cell. When he walked past the sink he heard the familiar *Ting!* sound. Hmm something involving the sink? Well then lets see. Spike reached out to the mirror, but it wouldn’t budge. Come on! This worked before two times, why isn’t it working now? He thought to himself as he struggled but failed to find the secret compartment that was there before.

Maybe it’s not the sink, but something near it?

Spike walked began to walk around the sink when he heard the *Ting!* noise. He stopped and found himself facing… the toilet.

You got to be kidding me…

Spike sighed as he stood in front the toilet. “C'mon really!?” he shouted.

“Huh, wat’tha?” Birdy said as Spike’s outburst woke him from his sleep. “What’s with the screaming?” he asked the dragon.

“Sorry about that Birdy, I’m trying to use Context Sensitive but it wants’ me to do something stupid.” Spike answered.

“Just roll with it, It doesn’t have to make sense.” Birdy answered, “It could take to far places, very far places. Hey, you might even become an ambassador, or a spy, heck you might even become king. What matters is that you have ‘the gift’.”

“Wait, what?” the confused dragon asked.

“You have the ability to use Context Sensitive of on the palm of your eh, claws. Not many do, I don’t even have it. But I can sense it in you.  Sure, I can hear the ‘ting’ noise and stuff but I can’t fully use it. I know a lot about it, in fact I dedicated a good chunk of my life studying it... only to discover that I could only partially use it. In the end, it was a waste of time but life goes on kid. Probably would have used the ability to get myself an infinite supply of beer, speaking of which do you have any more beer?”

“Isn’t it a little too early to be drinking?” Spike asked.

Bridy folded his arms in disappointment, “Fine be that way. Next time you wake me up, make sure that you have some damn beer with you. I’m going back to sleep.” Within a short while, the scarecrow was snoring again.

Spike turned to the toilet.

*Ting!*

This is still stupid. But it’s not like I have any more options, well any better options… well it’s the an option. Let’s just leave at that, an option.

Spike reached into his pocket and pulled out one of the cookies.

“Well here goes nothing.” He said as he ate it. He began feeling a strange sensation overtake his body as he saw the world began to swivel back and forth between his eyes. He leaned to the toiled as he grabbed it for support. Soon however, he fell into bowl and splashed into water. He headed towards the edge of the water as his mind began to clear.

That was was weird, but it doesn't’ feel as bad like when Twilight casts one of her unexpected teleport spells on me. Sure could use something to help breath underwater.

*Ting!*

Spike pulled out a diving mask from his pocket that was perfect to his size.  Okay then, I have my diving mask on, let’s do this.

FLUSH!

Spike spun in circles as he the current of the water began to pull him into the spinning vortex. On second thought, maybe I should have chosen a better escape plan.

Then the world turned black.