Jason's misadventures in ponyland

"Sho," Jason started, finishing his burger and wiping his hands on the grass, "What's first on the agenda? I mean, once I'm done paying back Applejack."

"Hmm, why is it exactly that you owe Applejack in the first place?" Discord sighed.

"I thought you were watching my 'antics' since I've been here."

"Well, I had to take a shower. I can't be watching you at all times. Unless you wanted to take a shower with me." Discord retorted.

"Point taken. Anyway, I accidentally wandered into her orchard, I didn't know it was an orchard, and I ate an apple. Out of  effin no where, she barrels into the scene and knows exactly what tree I'm hiding in like some sort of bloodhound. She scared the crap outta me so I said I'd pay her back by working. I don't exactly have any money so it was all I could do." Jason scratched the back of his head.

"Oh, well in that case I'll lend ya some cash. We're friends after all. It's just for one apple, right?"

"Nah, I couldn't ask you to do that. Besides, I don't think I have to work long. I only ate one apple."

"Please, I insist. I don't exactly need money, being a creature of chaos, so my little 'salary' from the princess goes pretty much unused. Here." A small bag popped into Discord's paw and he tossed it to Jason.

Jason caught the bag and gave Discord a questioning look. Discord did a gesture that gave the message 'It's fine' and smiled. Jason sighed in defeat and put the bag in his pocket.

"Fine, I'll be right back then we can go do some stuff."

Discord nodded and Jason began walking to the farmhouse to pay Applejack and inform her he was leaving. Jason briefly remembered he had to go get his phone from Vinyl too, but decided he would wait until he knew what Discord wanted to do first. If it was something big, he would get his phone first. If not, the device could wait. Jason reached the barn after a minute and saw the orange pony working on a broken cart.

"Hey." Jason called.

Applejack turned around and wore a look of shock.

"You finished the fence that fast?! Well shoot, ah may just have to hire you full time. Yer a hard worker."

"Ah, no. I didn't finish. I came to just pay up. A friend of mine came by and brought my wallet. Here." Jason pulled the bag out of his pocket and tossed it to the mare.

Applejack looked from Jason to the bag, then back again before opening the small bag. She gasped when she saw how full it was, then removed two coins.

"This was all ya owed me. Apples aren't that expensive." Applejack muttered.

"Go ahead and take all of it. I feel bad about stealing and you even let me sleep in your barn. Think of it as payment for that if you won't take it for the apple. Anyway, I gotta go. See you around." Jason waved.

"Hey now, wait just a darned minute. Ah don't take handouts!" Applejack called.

"Sorry, I can't hear you. Too busy running." Jason called back before taking off at full tilt.

Jason heard the mare call something again, but this time he legitimately didn't hear her. Jason ran back to the fence and saw Discord leaning against the fence nonchalantly. Discord straightened up when Jason approached.

"Why were you running?" he asked when Jason stopped.

"I... paid Applejack and... she didn't want that much so... I ran so she wouldn't give... me the money back." Jason breathed.

"Hmm, whatever. I suppose since you're done, we can go make plans. To the Discord lair!" Discord snapped his fingers and everything distorted.

When everything cleared, the two stood in a small cottage. Discord sighed contentedly and sat on a fluffy couch, patting the other cushion for Jason to sit. Jason did indeed sit, and Discord popped a pad and pencil into existence.

"Okay, brainstorm. Pranks, jokes, scenarios, anything. Everythin-" Discord pressed.

"This is the Discord lair? I expected something more... chaotic? Or maybe at least untidy. This place is pretty spiffy." Jason said, gazing around the room.

"Oh, well... this is kinda awkward. Y'see, this isn't exactly my lair, so much as it's my friend Fluttershy's house. I just thought lair sounded cooler for the time being. Anyway, let's get to plan-"

"Wait, this is one of those main character's houses?" Jason's eyes widened and his body tensed.

"Calm Jason. It's spa day, so Fluttershy won't be home for several hours. No doubt, that prissy Rarity will keep her occupied at the spa." Discord gagged, "So! We have plenty of time to-"

Suddenly the front door opened. Discord's looked shocked and quickly lifted a paw and snapped. A moment later, a butter-yellow pegasus walked in the door. The door closed behind the mare and she quickly disappeared up the stairs without a word. Jason and Discord shared a horrified look for a moment before the pegasus came back down the stairs and jumped upon seeing her couch occupied.

"Oh! Hello Discord. I didn't know you were in town. It's good to see you." Fluttershy smiled strangely.

"Ah, yes. Fluttershy, I had some time off from the castle so I thought I'd drop by for a visit. I remembered today was spa day though so I let myself in. I hope you don't mind." Discord explained quickly and evenly.

Jason watched the two converse, not daring to breath. He wasn't quite sure why he was sitting in plain view, yet the pegasus hadn't seemed to see him. Jason assumed that the snap Discord had done right as Fluttershy walked in was a quick spell to hide Jason. That or Fluttershy just didn't care that a stranger was in her home, but he doubted the skittish mare would act that way.

"Of course I don't mind. My house is my friends' house, and you're one of my friends. Make yourself at home, I have to go back into town. It's still spa day, but I forgot something in my room. Help yourself to the kitchen if you're hungry." Fluttershy called as she exited the cottage.

Jason let loose his breath once the door closed. He wasn't scared of being discovered in general this time, so much as he didn't want to be discovered trespassing. He'd already been caught stealing. He didn't need a worse reputation. Jason heard Discord snap again, but this time he felt a slight tingle.

"Well, now she won't be home for hours. Sorry 'bout that. Luckily I'm pretty quick on my hooves, and thought to make you look like a plant! Am I a genius or what?" Discord boasted.

"Wait... a plant? You couldn't... never mind. Anyway, what's our plans." Jason shook himself, glad to be past the situation.

"Well, I thought we'd simply go on a big pranking spree! We can prank everyone in town and if they don't find out who did it, it'll confuse everyone! But... uh... we can't prank Fluttershy. She's a bit sensitive" Discord rubbed the back of his head.

"Yea. That's fine. Uh, how long d'you think this'll take? I need to meet with someone about something before the end of today."

"Oh? Who is it you plan to meet? Please don't tell me it's Lyra Heartstrings. If you go anywhere with her, who knows what will happen..."

"What? I don't know who that is. No. I need to go talk with Vinyl Scratch. Remember the DJ I was making music with. I think you said you saw me making music. Anyway, I left my phone at her house. Also, if it's not a problem, I don't want to prank her or her housemate. They were really cool, so it would feel weird pranking them."

"Oh alright. We'll just have to pull extra big pranks on Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle."

"Why them specifically?" Jason asked, confused.

"Why not?" Discord shrugged.

"Alright, so I'll go meet with Vinyl real quick then meet you back here for the pranks."

"Want me to port you over there?"

"Nah, Vinyl taught me a back route so I won't attract attention."

"Alright, I will see you later. While you're doing that, I'm going to spend some... 'quality time' with my favorite bunny." Discord practically oozed with sarcasm.

Jason nodded and left the cottage. He walked until he saw the alleyway 'entrance' Vinyl had shown him. Jason weaved through the alleys and ducked behind houses until he got to Vinyl's house. Jason ran himself through what he was going to say a couple more times before he knocked on the door. A few moments later, a grey mare opened the door.

"Hello Jason, how are you? Are you here to see Vinyl?" Octavia said a little apprehensively.

"I'm good Ms. Octavia. Yes I'm here to see Vinyl. I'm sorry. I know your rule about surprise guests, but I left something in Vinyl's room and I was just coming to retrieve it." Jason bowed his head apologetically.

"Oh, don't worry about it Jason. That rule is in place so Vinyl doesn't bring home ruffians from her 'gigs'. You're quite the agreeable sort, so you're welcome any time. I was merely... cautious... because Vinyl is a little... out of it right now. Come in, come in. I'll go see if she's decent at the moment."

Jason entered and Octavia trotted up the stairs towards Vinyl's room. Jason wasn't sure what Octavia had meant by 'decent' considering most of these ponies never wore clothes anyway, but Vinyl came down shortly and her appearance explained what she meant. Vinyl was a walking hangover. The DJ wobbled slightly as she walked, her eyes looked bloodshot, and she winced every time the stairs squeaked under her hooves (probably from the noise sensitivity Jason knew all too well).

"H.. Hey Jason. What's... I can't... Give me a sec... Follow me..." Vinyl groaned.

Vinyl stumbled into the kitchen, Jason shortly in tow. The DJ hobbled over to the fridge, retrieved a carton of orange juice and tipped the carton towards her mouth. Jason heard a disgruntled sigh and noticed Octavia walk into the room behind him and sit down at the kitchen table. Vinyl ignored her and finished her orange juice. The carton now empty, Vinyl tossed the carton on the counter and stretched.

"Alright. Sorry, I got way smashed last night. Phew. So, Jason, what's up? Kinda freaked me out when ya zapped Twilight and ran."

"He what?!" Octavia's eyes bulged.

"Hey, I can explain. Actually, I need to clear things up, and explain some things. First, I'm sorry, but I lied. I'm not a 'Skrillex'. I'm what's called a 'human'. Felt you deserved at least that much. Second, I ended up here in Ponyville by accident, so I didn't want to meet the... What's it called? Elements or something? Never mind, you know what I mean. Anyway, that's why I zapped Twilight and ran. I plan to meet with them tomorrow and apologize, but I thought I should come here and clear things up first. You two were so nice and cool, I felt really bad about lying. Also, this isn't really related, I think I left something here."

Vinyl's eyes widened and she looked at the ground. Octavia and Jason both noticed this.

"I didn't mean to, I was trying to see what it was." Vinyl mumbled.

"What happened?" Jason asked worriedly.

"I swear, I didn't do it. I was messing with it, but I couldn't make it do anything. After a while, it stopped being lit up, and it wouldn't light up when I pressed the button on the side."

"Oh, thank goodness." Jason sighed with relief.

Vinyl looked at him strangely, but Jason just laughed.

"Don't worry about it, the battery just died." Jason chuckled.

"What?! How does something that thin have batteries? It's like half as thin as a battery." Vinyl huffed.

A short cough bought the attention of Jason and Vinyl. The look on Octavia's face was unreadable.

"I'm afraid the conversation got a little off topic. Now, back to what you were explaining, Jason." Octavia stated calmly.

"Right, my bad. Where was I? Whatever, not important. So, here's a rundown. I'm a human, my name actually is Jason, don't want to meet Twilight Sparkle yet, not from around here. Oh, and that wasn't my music, it was an artist's from my home. I'm sorry. I can understand if you're angry with me."

Jason bowed his head, ready to be scolded. The scolding never came. Jason looked up to see the amused faces of Vinyl and Octavia. The mares laughed upon seeing his confused look.

"Jason, dear, we're not angry with you. We could somewhat tell you weren't one hundred percent honest." Octavia laughed.

"Yea, the way you hesitated when you said you were a Skrillex kinda showed that you were making things up. That, and

you were way too impressed by some simple riffs and an arpeggio to be an artist. We just noticed you seemed tense and worried, so we didn't want to question you."

"That's.." Jason was at a lack for words.

"We appreciate your honesty. It's nice to see that you've lost that tense posture. You seem a lot more relaxed. I hope you're no longer troubled by whatever was bothering you. If you want to talk about it, you're welcome to confide in us." Octavia said softly.

"I... thanks. I was worried. Too many things happened that freaked me out, but I'm over it. It's nice to have friends in an unfamiliar place." Jason grinned, "Oh, speaking of friends, a friend of mine and I are going to be pranking the whole town. The only peo- uh, ponies that aren't getting pranked are you two, and Fluttershy. Fluttershy is too timid to be pranked and I didn't want to prank my friends. Thought I'd still give a heads-up though in case ponies start panicking. I'm aware that they tend to do that."

"Oh, who ya pullin' pranks with? I want in." Vinyl bounced around the kitchen.

"As fun as it would be, I told him we were flying solo. Sorry." Jason grinned sheepishly.

"Oh, you two are acting like foals." Octavia chided jokingly.

"I'm not a foal, I'm twenty years old." Jason fake pouted.

"You're what?!" Vinyl and Octavia exclaimed in unison.

Jason blinked in surprise. He couldn't tell if they were joking. The continued look of shock on their faces confirmed their lack of mirth. Jason sighed and put his hands on his hips in a joking manner.

"How old did you think I was?"

"At least forty." Vinyl said with a straight face.

"Really? I thought he was like thirty five, give or take a couple years." Octavia responded.

"Okay... Why do I seem so old?"

"You're tall and scruffy looking." the mares replied in unison again.

"Well, guess I need to shave more often. Didn't think my scruff was that noticeable." Jason said, standing up.

"Hey, now that I know you're younger it looks more rugged than scruffy." Octavia tried weakly.

"Haha, it's fine. Listen, I gotta go. This talk has been... strange... but fun." Jason said, heading for the door, "Oh, and one more thing. I did tell you I'm a human, which is true, but what I didn't tell you is that humans are from another dimension. Just letting you know. 'Kay, thanks bye."

Jason quickly left the room before either mare could respond. He wanted the last laugh, and he was going to have it. Jason grinned as he left Ponyville and headed for Fluttershy's cottage. The conversation had left him quite happy. In fact, the entire day had progressively gotten better from his wonderful waking in the morning. If Jason was lucky, the evenings pranks would highlight the day perfectly.

Jason stopped on the bridge in front of Fluttershy's cottage. He'd forgotten the reason he'd left for Vinyl and Octavia's house in the first place. His phone. Jason sighed, dismissing the fact. His phone had been dead. Yes, he'd brought the charger and yes, they seemed to have electricity, but there wasn't a place Jason had been in long enough to charge his phone to a decent level and he didn't see himself being set in one place for a while. Jason started for the door again, his palm connecting with his face for a brief moment in reaction to his forgetfulness. When he reached the door, Jason started for the handle before remembering his manners and knocking on the door. The door opened to reveal an excited Discord.

"Ooh, are you finally ready?" Discord shuddered in anticipation.

"Yea, who we pranking first?"

"Hmm, I was thinking we could get everyone in the market in one fell swoop!"

"How are you planning to do that? I'm kinda sneaky, but I'm not exactly a ninja, nor am I magical. I can't just pop in like you can."

"Oh, Jason. You forget I can do things to you with magic too!" Discord snapped.

"I swear to god if you made me a plant again..." Jason growled, patting himself to check for leaves.

"No, no. I made you transparent. Pretty cool huh? Now you can walk right up to ponies and spook them! Come on, let's get to it!" Discord cried gleefully, snapping once more and becoming nearly transparent.

"Uh. Are you sure we're transparent? I can still kinda see you."

"Well of course you can see me, and I can see you. It wouldn't do to have the two of us run into each other while pulling pranks now would it? This way we can coordinate cooler pranks and make the market truly chaotic!" Discord popped a noisemaker into existence and spun it around like a maniac.

"Are you alright? Kinda seems like you're losing it."

"I'm the embodiment of chaos for chaos' sake. What did you expect? Now let us prank!"

Discord began skip-sprinting towards Ponyville, giggling like a madman. Jason shrugged and followed the chaotic being. The two eventually reached town and Discord began leading Jason to the market place. Jason gazed at his surroundings as he walked. He'd never actually gotten a good look at the town, he'd always taken back routes to Vinyl's house. For a medievel type village run by small horses, this place was nearly spotless. It was so clean, it made a hospital look messy. It was-

Bam!

Jason rubbed his nose. Discord smiled at him, laughter in his eyes. Jason had run straight into the now unmoving being of chaos.

"Y'know, this is why I made us able to see each other." Discord laughed.

"Shut it. Wasn't looking where I was going. Damn though, this place is tidy."

"Yes yes, tidy and clean. Anyway, we're here! Go wild! Have a noisemaker, " Discord popped a noisemaker into Jason's  hand, "They can't catch what they can't see!"

Discord ran off to a populated corner of the market and spun the noisemaker until he literally took off like a helicopter. Jason just watched for a moment, laughing at the silliness of the 'embodiment of chaos'. He'd supposed the title meant he was more sinister than he seemed, but this was just funny. Satisfied he'd laughed enough at Discord's insanity, Jason ran toward a different group, shouting and spinning his noisemaker. The ponies eyes widened in shock at the sudden noise, then in fear when they couldn't identify the source of the disturbance.

"Ghosts!" shouted a pony behind a vegetable stand.

Fueled by the announcement of ghosts, ponies began frantically running to and fro in an attempt to escape the ghosts. Jason felt this was more of bullying than a prank, but he saw several small ponies laughing as they ran. At least someone found enjoyment in this besides himself and Discord. Renewed in his efforts, Jason started to become crafty. He saw one pony with it's hooves over it's eyes and a plant pot over it's head, probably in an attempt to blend in. Having been a plant for a few moments, Jason saw through the clever disguise and walked right up to the pony, getting right next to it's ear.

"Boo" Jason whispered.

The pony's head jerked up and the equine bolted right into the edge of a fountain, falling in and soaking itself. The pony yelled for a moment, then stopped and seemed to consider the situation before laughing. Jason laughed as well and decided to kick it up another notch. Jason searched the stalls until he found a loose white sheet. Donning his sheet, he began chasing several ponies around the market. Some laughed, some screamed, and eventually some got smart.

"Hey, it's just someone under a sheet. Get 'em"

Several ponies rushed Jason, but he was able to sidestep the majority and escape behind a shop. There, he decided to rest for a moment and survey the scene. Several ponies were still running and screaming, while others stopped and laughed at the spectacle. Jason had thought he'd been silly with his sheet, but Discord had done tenfold. Pies were flying around on their own, hitting some unlucky ponies in the face. Small pink clouds followed ponies around, raining some brown substance on them. Several balloons with moving faces drawn on them chased ponies around. The scene was truly chaotic. Jason searched around until he saw the outline of Discord rolling around on a stall, laughing hysterically. Jason jogged over to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey I got an idea, but I need you to make me fly and have a loud, deep voice. Then, once I say the word prank, you make all of this disappear, take me and you somewhere else in town, then we start there."

"Ha! Oh, man... Whew. Oh..." Discord wiped a tear from his eye, "Ah. Can't we wait a little longer?"

"We have to prank the whole town, remember?"

"Oh, fine. Nice sheet by the way."

Jason rolled his eyes. Discord snapped his ever-snapping paw and Jason, with his trusty sheet, floated above the market place. Once above the market place, he coughed in an attempt to get attention but the cough came out sounding like thunder. 'Nice and deep, good job Discord' Jason thought.

"Ponies of the market place! Attention! Do not be alarmed. The shenanigans here are not what you think. Ghosts we may be, but we are merely ghosts that play... PRANKS!" Jason announced theatrically.'

The final word echoed through the market but before the echo died, the pies stopped flying, the clouds vanished, the balloons popped and Jason-the-sheet-ghost vanished from above the market. The ponies looked at each other in confusion, unsure about what just happened. A few ponies still laughed hysterically, and one pony apparently hadn't had enough of the flying pie and was now launching pies of it's own at nearby ponies. The only thing the ponies knew for certain was that the whole event had been rather... chaotic.

Twilight Sparkle lifted her head. She thought she heard... screaming. She knew the townsponies where prone to panic quickly at the slightest provocation, but she still thought she should check it out. Twilight sighed and closed her book. She hoped it wasn't another spider. The last time ponies had panicked in town, it had been over a single spider sitting on top of the fountain. Twilight had nearly developed brain damage at the time from how hard she had facehoofed. The mare stomped down the stairs and headed for the door.

"Something wrong?"

Twilight turned to see Spike giving her a questioning look from the kitchen doorway.

"I don't know. I heard screaming coming from outside, so I'm assuming there's another spider."

Spike chuckled and went back to whatever he was doing in the kitchen. Twilight shook her head, hoping it wasn't actually another spider. The last thing she needed was brain damage, and she was sure she would develop some if she kept facehoofing. Most of the time she couldn't help facehoofing though, so she tried to avoid overly stupid occurrences as a precaution. Unfortunately she couldn't ignore screaming, so she had to check it out.

Twilight opened the door and headed for the source of the screams. It definitely sounded like it was coming from the market, so the possibility of it being a spider wasn't ruled out. Unfortunately she still had to check it out. Twilight sighed once more and continued onward. Once she reached the market though, she was glad she checked it out. She saw several ponies laughing, several screaming and one hiding behind a stall throwing pies. She doubted they were screaming about Berry Punch throwing pies, so something had probably happened. Twilight found the only pony that wasn't hysterically laughing or screaming and asked them what was going on.

"Well, all of a sudden there were these noises, but no one could find out what was making them. Then pies started flying by themselves, clouds were chasing ponies, balloons were chasing ponies, a sheet chased ponies. Basically there was a lot of chasing. Also, the sheet floated above the fountain and started talking. It said something about being a ghost that pranks ponies, then it vanished!" Bon Bon explained.

"I'm sure this is just somepony's idea of a joke. I'll get to the bottom of this." Twilight assured.

Despite her assurance though, Twilight wasn't sure what to make of the scenario. The only one who would do something like this was Discord, and he should be in Canterlot helping the princess. Twilight would just have to write another letter to ask if the Draconequus was actually in Canterlot. Of course, she still hadn't gotten a reply from princess Luna, so she wasn't sure how fast princess Celestia would respond. Maybe there was some political thing going on at the moment. Twilight had no idea, she wasn't a princess. Of course she wouldn't be aware what things were going on in politics.

Twilight started off for the library to write her letter to the princess. Little did she know that another princess was, in fact, reading her previous letter at the very moment. Luna read the letter multiple times through, to make sure she read it right. As long as she had been on the moon, she had never seen a single thing besides the corruption and the occasional strange moon creature, but she wasn't sure if they were called 'Terminators'. She noted that Twilight included a description of the being, a bipedal creature with immense height. She hadn't seen any bipedal moon creatures, but it couldn't hurt to investigate. Besides, it had been a while since Luna had been to Ponyville. It would be nice to test her speech skills again. She finally mastered the new way of speaking and she was able to speak without the Royal Canterlot voice. She just hoped she would be able to see her current favorite subject, Pipsqueak. She also hoped to finally meet her gaming rival, known to her only as Thebuttonmaster0073. Supposedly he lived in Ponyville, but he refused to tell her anything other than that. Apparently he didn't trust her name, TheMoonisCoolerthantheSun. Luna didn't understand why, as her gamer name was only full of truth, scientifically and metaphorically. Of course, Luna was just glad that scientists had created the ponynet, giving her a source besides books to study the ways of her subjects. Luna quickly learned that there were dark sides to this mysterious place, but she was able to avoid them most of the time.

Luna shook her head. She was getting cluttered again. Perhaps she should sleep before heading to Ponyville. Staying up for 37 hours, roaming her subjects dreams at night and playing Pony Kombat during the day tended to take a lot out of her.