Jason's misadventures in ponyland

After the antics they preformed in the marketplace, Jason and Discord ended up deciding on Sugarcube Corner for their next target. Instead of randomly running in and creating chaos, they decided to truly plan this one out though.

"Okay, first things first. Where'd those pies come from?" Jason said, giving Discord a suspicious look.

"I just... made pies." Discord grinned and a halo formed above his head.

"Mhmm, and I hand-sewed my sheet on the spot for that too. At least tell me you paid for the pies. I plan to return my sheet once we're done."

"Ugh, it was just a couple of pies." Discord rolled his eyes.

"Would you like it if you made something and were selling it, then someone comes along and smashes that thing in someone's face? Without paying I mean, of course you'd like it if they did that otherwise."

"Fine, I'll do it later. Anyway, what's the plan for Sugarcube Corner? You said you had a doozy." Discord's eyes lit up with excitement.

"Well, it's a bakery right? So we're going to cause chaos with frosting and cupcakes! It's themed! We're still paying for what we use though, just after we're done."

Discord rolled his eyes again, but agreed it was a decent idea to have themed chaos.

"Alright," Jason said, walking over to the entrance of the bakery, "Give me a supersoaker filled with frosting."

Discord raised an eyebrow, but complied. A large supersoaker with a copious amount of frosting popped into existence at Jason's feet. He picked it up and examined it, looking thoroughly impressed.

"Alright, let's do this," Jason donned his sheet and kicked the front door open, "SAY HELLO TO MY FROSTING FRIEND!"

Jason sprayed frosting all over a group of rather surprised ponies sitting at the bakery's table. He heard a brief shout, but was confused to meet a wave of confused stares. Jason waved the supersoaker threateningly, hoping to get a reaction. Nada.

"Did Pinkie set this up?" one of the patrons asked.

Jason facepalmed and turned to see Discord rolling on the floor laughing.

"Uh, it didn't go as planned. Plan B?" Jason asked.

"Is plan B go wild?" Discord asked hopefully.

Jason nodded and Discord cheered. The room full of frosting covered, confused ponies stared at the sheet talking to the empty doorway. Jason turned back to the crowd and spread his hands.

"Sorry 'bout that folks. The real fun starts here!"

Suddenly the room filled with flying cupcakes. Several ponies gasped at the sudden cupcake storm and ducked under the tables. Despite being clear of the flying confections, the ponies were not safe as they were now being attacked by gumdrop mice. Jason laughed as several ponies scrambled to get on the tables to escape the mice, only to be pelted by cupcakes. Some of the ponies seemed to enjoy the crazy event though, grabbing cupcakes out of the air and munching on them delightedly. Jason turned to ask Discord if there was going to be anything else when he saw the bizarre creature holding very dangerous objects.

"Holy shit, that's a grenade! What the hell?!" Jason backed off from the crazed being.

"Oh calm down, it's not what you think." Discord laughed and pulled the pins of several grenades.

Jason yelped and dove for cover as the crazed being of chaos chucked grenades around the room. Jason watched the grenades land, rolling around the cupcake-littered floor. When the grenades exploded, the walls and tables were suddenly covered in a pink foam. Jason felt sick for a moment before realizing the foam was not what he first thought it was. It was actually pink frosting. Discord had made frosting grenades.

"Dude!" Jason leapt from under the table he was using as cover, "That's epic! Give me some."

Discord laughed and tossed an excited Jason a bandolier of frosting grenades. The now armed Jason grinned wickedly, quite pleased to have such an amazing device in his possession. Around the same time Discord was supplying Jason with confection weaponry, a confused, pink party pony walked into the lobby from the kitchen. Pinkie Pie's eyes widened when she saw the chaos the room was in. It was by far the coolest thing she'd ever seen next to Discord's chocolate milk rain clouds. Pinkie eagerly dashed about the room eating cupcakes and licking frosting from the tables and walls. Jason laughed at the manic pony and threw a frosting grenade in her direction. Pinkie stopped upon seeing the strange device and peered at it closely. Almost as if Pinkie had scared it, the grenade exploded in her face, coating her in a thick layer of frosting. The mare blinked a few times in confusion before defying physics by somehow phasing out of her frosting coat and eating the pony-shaped frosting shell whole. Jason laughed at the sheer impossibility he'd just witnessed. If he planned to stay in this colorful land of ponies, he was sure he would eventually become friends with the pink main character. He remembered that Pinkie Pie had annoyed him in the episodes he'd watched, but here she seemed hysterical.

A sudden cheering roused Jason from his thoughts. He gazed around the room and saw most of the occupants looking at him an cheering. Jason was extremely confused, not exactly sure why they were cheering for him, but he took a bow anyway. When he raised his head again, Pinkie seemed to materialize in front of him. She wore a huge smile and had the look of an extreme sugar-addict in her eyes.

"Hi there! I've never met a ghost before! Well, there was that one time, but that's a long story. Why do you have a sheet? Isn't that cliche? Oh well, doesn't matter. What's important is that this party was awesome! WOOO!" Pinkie rambled.

Jason's eyes raised in surprise. Apparently he and Discord's prank was being taken as a party. Either way, it had caused chaos so he wasn't sure if it was a success or fail. Jason looked at Discord who was for the umpteenth time that day rolling on the floor laughing his head off. Jason guessed that it probably counted as a success.

"Yea, glad you liked it. Unfortunately I have a busy schedule to keep today, so I can't hang around long. Though, I don't feel this 'party' has ended well enough, "Jason grabbed half of the remaining grenades off his bandolier, "MORE FROSTING!"

Jason pulled the pins and spread the grenades around the room, all while heading for the door. Discord noticed he was leaving and quickly followed suit. Once outside, they heard a loud boom followed by more cheering. 'Definitely gonna have to start carrying these around' Jason thought, poking the near-empty bandolier.

"So Disco... can I call you that? Hope so, cause I'm going to anyway. So, where next. Before we strike though, I'm gonna need more frosting grenades. These are the coolest things ever."

"Of course, anything for my new friend. I thought we could hit up the lib-" a ringing interrupted the master of chaos.

Discord pulled a gold pocket watch out of thin air and checked the time. He then stamped a hoof and made the watch vanish. Discord sighed and ran his paw over his face.

"Chaos damn it, I have to be back at Canterlot castle in six minutes. I may be the Element of Chaos and Disharmony, but I'm reformed so I'm obligated to do good. I'm starting to enjoy it, but I still need these chaos breaks to keep me... insane." Discord giggled at his joke, "Basically I mean I have to go, but you're free to keep pranking if you want. It'd probably be best though if I made you visible. Things could get... strange... if you remained invisible."

"Whoa whoa, wait a sec. We were gonna do more awesome stuff. Leaving on such short notice is uncool."

"Yea it sucks. But a draconequus has to do what a draconequus has to do. Tell ya what though, I'll give you a present for going pranking with me." Discord disappeared and reappeared to Jason's right, holding a necklace, "I picked this amulet up a loooong time ago. It's prevents the wearer from being directly affected by magic. Not useful for me, being immune to such anyway, but you might need it eventually. Do whatever you will with it. I gotta run."

Discord extended a balled up paw and Jason bumped it with his fist. Satisfied with the goodbye, Discord tossed the amulet to Jason and disappeared with a loud pop. Jason stood still for several moments, contemplating his next course of action, before realizing Discord actually had removed his invisibility when he'd left. His first clue was the mass of ponies exiting Sugarcube Corner to stare at the strange creature out front. Jason grinned shyly and waved to the crowd. Much to his surprise, half of the crowd waved back.

"Uh... Hi. I'm new in town, if you couldn't tell, and-"

Suddenly a frosting covered Pinkie Pie materialized before his eyes, making him jump.

Pinkie gasped, "You'renewintown,whichmeansI'venevermetyou.ThatmeansI'veneverthrownyouawelcometoPonyvilleparty,ohmygoshI'llgogetitstarted."

Before Jason could comprehend anything she'd said, she zipped away. He stared after her in confusion for a moment before he felt a nudge on his shoulder. He turned and saw the most adorable grey pegasus with crossed eyes. Jason swore his heart nearly exploded from the sheer adorableness.

"Hi! Um, if you don't mind me asking, what are you?" the pegasus said, smiling.

"...Hi... Sorry, I'm a little zoned. I'm... My name's Jason." Jason returned her smile.

"Oh, right. My manners. My name's Ditzy Doo, but everyone calls me Derpy. I... Oh! I almost forgot. I'm still on duty. I'll catch ya later Jason. I have to deliver the mail." Derpy called, flying away from Sugarcube Corner.

Jason shrugged, not sure what to make of the situation. After Derpy flew off, most of the crowd dispersed, leaving Jason standing with a few ponies who were still mesmerized by the appearance of a creature they'd never seen before. Since Discord had left, he was wondering if he should go meet with Twilight now and get the whole thing over with, but he also wanted to take a nap. He hadn't run around and played pranks like he had today since high school. Of course, he wasn't sure where he should nap. The forest was still a bit intimidating, despite the night he slept there, he didn't want to ask Vinyl to crash at her place, and he doubted he could nap at Applejack's farm. With limited options, Jason chose the easy way out.

"Do any of you know a quiet place anywhere near town?" Jason asked the ponies that were still gawking at him.

After a few moments of uncertain looks, a beige pony with strange hair and candy tattooed on it's butt stepped forward.

"The lake is pretty quiet. Uh... You wouldn't happen to be a... human... would you?"

"...Yea. I wasn't aware ponies knew of humans." Jason blinked.

"Oh...." the mare put a hoof to it's face, "Lyra's gonna freak..."

"So... which direction is this lake?"

The mare pointed in a direction and Jason thanked her before walking in the direction she pointed. This way went straight through town, but Jason didn't care at this point. If Twilight saw him on the way and stopped him, he would just ask to take a nap before she questioned him, if she questioned him at all. For all he knew, she either stopped looking for him or wanted him thrown in a dungeon for assaulting her. Whatever the case, he could probably talk his way out of it. Fortunately though, Jason walked through the market relatively unseen. Many of the ponies in the market were too busy cleaning up everything that was strewn about in the chaos.  While he walked through the market though, Jason remembered to drop off the sheet he'd borrowed at the stand he'd found it. He'd already stolen and gotten caught in this place. He didn't want a record.

Eventually the town ended and Jason saw the aforementioned lake.  A few moments more and Jason was standing on the shore of the lake, looking for a comfortable place to lay while he napped. He thought about laying on the shore itself, but he didn't want to roll into the water. He tended not to move in his sleep, but he once got up and walked in his sleep when he was younger. When he woke up he was the kitchen floor, his sister Cadence watching him with an amused expression.

With the shore out of the question, Jason looked around for some comfortable places to rest. He some trees around the lake, but he was getting tired of trees. Trees got him in trouble so he didn't want to mess with them if he could help it. Unfortunately though, trees were the only thing that looked worth sleeping in. The few bushes he saw looked thorny, which usually meant they were uncomfortable to sleep in. Jason sighed and walked over to the nearest tree.

"I suppose I don't have to climb up... I'll just lay against the trunk..." he thought aloud, "I mean... it's more comfortable than-"

"Hey! Can't a mare get a minute of piece!" an annoyed voice shouted from above.

Jason jumped at the noise and looked up. Staring back at him was an equally shocked Rainbow Dash, laying on a tree branch. For several moments the two stared at each other, not sure what to do. Eventually, the silence was broken.

"You!" they both shouted.

"What are you doing here!" they said once again in sync, "I'm here to take a nap."

The two stopped, both rather shocked. Apparently they were there for the same reason.

"Hey," Jason started in a careful tone, "I don't wanna mess with you, I'm just here for a nap. You are too, so can we agree to just ignore each other and do that. If you wanna fight about it later, that's fine, but I've been doing a lot of stuff today so I'm exhausted."

"...Promise there won't be any funny business." Rainbow Dash glared at him.

"You can fly, I can only jump about a yard off the ground... Even if I did anything, you could just run away into the air. But fine, I promise."

Rainbow Dash glared at him for several more moments before sighing and rolling over on her branch. Jason took this as a 'fine' and laid down against the trunk and closed his eyes. For a moment, Jason wished he had his phone so he could fall asleep to music before he remembered the battery died. Well, he did have his charger, and they did seem to have electricity. Maybe he could-

BOOM!!

Both Rainbow Dash and Jason instantly jolted up and looked for the disturbance. Rainbow Dash looked at Jason suspiciously, thinking he'd done something, but quickly abandoned the thought. Several meters away, a huge crater gaped at them, still smoking from the impact. The two nappers looked at each other, then back to the hole. Jason was the first to move, starting towards the crater. Rainbow followed him quickly. The two peered into the hole to see a rather large, dark blue pony laying in the crater.

"Princess Luna!" Rainbow Dash rushed into the crater to help the pony. Jason stood awkwardly, unsure if he should offer help. When the 'princess' began to stir though, Jason climbed into the crater to help.

"Huh... What hap... Where..." Luna mumbled. The princess surveyed her surrounding in an attempt to figure out what was going on. For some reason, she was in a hole with one of the element bearers and a strange, somewhat dashing creature. Luna blinked. Did she just think it was dashing? Luna blushed lightly. Whatever had happened, it certainly rattled her.

"Princess Luna! Are you alright? What happened?!" Rainbow Dash asked, checking over the princess for injuries.

Jason watched the princess look around the hole, examining the hole, Rainbow Dash and himself. He noted that her face darkened a bit (is that possible for someone dark blue?) when she saw him, but he didn't make much of it.

"I'm... alright. A bit shaken, but I'm fine. I'm not sure what happened. All I remember was drinking a RedMinotaur instead of going to sleep, then rushing to Ponyville. Then I woke up here." Luna slowly pulled herself into a standing position.

"...Were you sleep deprived? You know you aren't supposed to drink energy drinks to stay awake like that. Eventually the energy wears off and your body crashes. You probably passed out when the energy wore off and you fell out of the sky."

"Ah, that does make sense. So... who is thy friend." Luna cursed softly for speaking in the old way again.

"What, I don't... Oh, him. He's just some thing we found the other day and I ran into him over here by the lake. Then you fell and we both came to see what happened. Careful, that thing is tricky. Somehow he got away from me when I was chasing him. ME. The fastest in Equestria. I still can't believe..." Rainbow Dash grumbled.

"For my part, it wasn't that hard. I just jumped up into the tree. You didn't bother checking. Anyway, it's nice to meet you, princess. My name's Jason. That was some crash though. Are you sure you're alright?" Jason said politely.

"We are... I mean, I am fine, thank you. Anyway, I was on my way to Ponyville to help Twilight with the identification of a creature. She said it was from the moon and asked for my assistance on the matter. Can you bring me to her Rainbow Dash?"

"Yea, I can bring you to her, but we don't have to. The creature is right here." Rainbow Dash pointed to where Jason was standing, only to find him missing.

Luna and Rainbow Dash looked at each other, then climbed to the edge of the crater to look outside of it. The first thing they saw was Jason running towards town. Rainbow Dash sighed and quickly flew towards and caught up to Jason. Instead of asking him to stop like last time, she simply tackled him. Luna followed them at a more civilized pace.

"Why are you running, huh? Got something to hide?" Rainbow Dash sneered.

"No, I plan on talking with Twilight today. Now if you could kindly GET OFF!" Jason struggled to get out of the pegasus' grip.

A few moments of fruitless struggle ensued. During that time, Luna caught up and looked at Jason strangely. Jason turned his head, trying not to make eye contact.

"So... you are the thing from the moon? A Terminator if I remember right. I never met anything like you while I was on the moon." Luna said quietly.

"That's cause I'm not from the moon, and I'm not a Terminator... I lied because I didn't think about my actions and I was talking with children. To be truthful, I'm a human and I'm from another planet I think. Maybe another dimension. I don't know, I'm not good with that kind of thing. I'm sorry I lied. Now can we please be civil and not sit on my back?" Jason grumbled.

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to retort, but Luna put her hoof in front of her face to stop her. Rainbow Dash understood the meaning and got off of Jason. The human picked himself up and dusted himself off, staring at the two ponies suspiciously. Luna had a strange look on her face that Jason couldn't read. Rainbow Dash just had a look of suspicion and anger. Jason smiled at them and bowed sarcastically.

"Now, if you would be so kind, I'm going to go have a chat with a certain Twilight Sparkle. Please do me a favor and don't follow me. Cool? Thanks. Bye." Jason stood from his bow and continued on his way towards town, leaving a shocked Luna and a miffed Rainbow Dash.

Whether they followed him or not, Jason did indeed decide to head towards the library. He was tired of being a person worthy of suspicion, and apparently he seemed to be very suspicious to some of these ponies. Might as well talk with pony in charge, and the only way to get to her was through her student Twilight. Of all the things he learned in the couple episodes he watched, the most important was that Celestia was definitely the one in charge. Once he had a connection with a leader... he didn't know. He just wanted someone to take charge. Jason wasn't the responsible type so making decisions wasn't his forte, hence his lies to the children and Vinyl. Fortunately, since he was going to talk to Twilight, he wouldn't have to make decisions. Just let her think. She likes books, so she should like thinking. Speak of the devil...

Jason stopped as he reached the library, arriving just as a purple unicorn was exiting the library. The two looked at each other for a moment, Jason calmly and Twilight cautiously, before Jason nodded at her.

"Can we talk?" Jason asked.

Twilight peered at him suspiciously before replying, "You aren't going to zap me with magic again are you?"

"I can't cast magic, that was my glove. It's wired to shock people, or in this case ponies. But yea, I promise not to shock you." Jason laughed.

"Uh huh... And why are princess Luna and Rainbow Dash watching us from behind those barrels?" Twilight pointed behind Jason.

Jason raised an eyebrow and turned around. All he saw was two blue blurs, one dark one light, zip behind some barrels. Jason facepalmed. Apparently he was suspicious enough to be tailed. Jason quietly put down his backpack and dug around for his glove. When he retrieved it, he prepped it for shock and tiptoed over to the barrels. He looked back at Twilight who held a hoof in front of her face. He guessed she knew what he was doing and she thought it was funny. Without further interruption, Jason reached around the barrels with a gloved hand and grabbed the first thing he could. A startled Rainbow Dash leapt from behind the barrels, hair sticking out in every direction and eyes crossing. Luna watched in surprise and Twilight laughed in the background. Rainbow Dash still twitched slightly while Jason returned the glove to his backpack. After several moments, the pegasus recovered, shaking her head and glaring at Jason.

"Hey! That's not fair, using magic. Oh, I'm so gonna-"

"It's not magic, rainbow head, it's science. Humans can't do magic... in modern times." Jason rolled his eyes.

Twilight still giggled as she approached the pair, taking care to not come between their staredown. Luna walked up to Twilight, though her eyes never left Jason.

"I... don't know what to make of this creature. It doesn't seem powerful, but it does seem to be full of surprises. What do you suppose we do?" Luna whispered.

Twilight gazed at her curiously, "Aren't you the princess here? I'm just a student. I can call princess Celestia, yea, but other than that I can just study this thing to the best of my ability. It's up to you what we do with it."

Luna continued to gaze at Jason, wondering what to do. Jason continued to stare down Rainbow Dash with a smirk, though he did hear the conversation between the two watching him. They weren't very quiet, despite their whispers. He was glad he appeared to be full of surprises. It made him feel not entirely powerless in the situation, though he still wanted someone else to call the shots. First though, he couldn't resist.

"HOT POTATO!" Jason shouted suddenly, startling the mares as he grabbed one of his remaining grenades off his bandolier and dropped it while diving away.

The mares stared at the foreign object, unsure of it's purpose, until said object exploded, leaving them all covered in frosting. Needless to say, they were unhappy at being covered in frosting. Jason, though, had used the barrels that were hidden behind earlier to escape the frosting and was now laughing at them all hysterically. Luna and Twilight just sighed but Rainbow Dash had had enough at this point. The cyan mare dashed forward and jumped on Jason's chest, effectively pinning him down while she glared at him.

"Alright, that's enough! I'm so gonna pound you!" Rainbow Dash seethed.

"Rainbow Dash, stop. He can do us no harm, he merely is playing jokes on us. Get off of him." Luna commanded.

"No harm?! That zap hurt! Besides, he's obviously something of chaos, like Discord. We oughta-" Rainbow Dash protested.

"No. We will not harm him before we can at least question him further. If it will make you feel better, we will bind him with magic so he can't do anything more." Luna chided gently.

Rainbow Dash grumbled, but released Jason. For the second time that day, Jason got up and brushed himself off from being pinned to the ground. Luna lowered her horn and it flared with magic, surrounding Jason in a bluish-purple glow, but nothing happened. Luna looked shocked and tried again. Still nothing. Jason laughed, glad that Discord had left him with the anti-magic amulet. It gave him a bit of protection against them should they try to force something he didn't like on him.

"Strange. For some reason my binding spell is not working. Perhaps his species is immune to magic. It's not unheard of for a species to have such a trait." Luna said, mostly to herself.

"Don't worry. I'm done. I just want to talk now. No funny business. I just started cause it ticked me off that those two followed me. I'll even do that... somethin' promise," Jason said, remembering a bit from the show, "Pinkie Promise I think? Cross my heart and something something. Cupcake in my eye."

Rainbow Dash gave him a flat look full of loathing, but Twilight seemed to accept the half-baked attempt. The purple unicorn motioned for them to follow and retreated into the library. Certainly, whatever they discussed would be rather interesting. Unfortunately for Jason, he had one pony that wanted to kill him and another that he couldn't read at all. That bothered him. It bothered him a lot.

Somewhere in the royal chambers of Canterlot, the sun princess felt something was amiss. Like something interesting was about to happen. Celestia sighed. She damn well hoped something interesting would happen. All of these snotty nobles were getting on her last nerve and she was about to start banishing ponies to the moon. Especially her nephew. The little ingrate was the main cause of her constant migraines, often violating some mare and leaving her to deal with whatever repercussions followed. Whatever she felt was happening, she hoped to Lauren Faust that it would entertain her in some way. Lately villains had stopped attacking and since she told her faithful student that a letter wasn't necessary every single week, the number of letters she received kept dwindling. If it came down to it, it wasn't above her to ask Discord to pretend to relapse into a being of chaos to stir up something interesting. Or she could just sneak away and visit Ponyville to see what her student was up to. In fact, that idea sounded delightful. All she had to do was set up and illusion of herself on her throne and say she wasn't to be disturbed for the day. Suddenly a certain solar princess was preparing for a quick visit to her favorite town in all of Equestria.