A Lonesome Dreamscape

"Surprise!" Sweetie exclaimed, giggling happily as she dismounted my noggin and onto the bed; jumping up and down.

Luna stared at me like she was just ashamed. "You didn't, did you?" She said ridiculously.

"No! I didn't steal a fucking foal from her sister!" I yelled out, flailing my arms around, "S-she likes being up high and getting a good view, so I put her up on my head and completely fucking forgot! I swear, Luna!" I pleaded to her, as she stared at me like a mother does her child when he screws up.

"You technically just stole Rarity's, the Element of Generosity's little bucking sister..."

Hah! Told you, buttrape jail.

Over on the bed, Sweetie jumped around victoriously. "I'm staying with a princess, I'm staying with a princess!" She chanted, doing a small circle around the bed.

"No, no, no! You're leaving, and I'm not having to deal with a screaming and fainting Rarity." I looked toward Luna. "Luna, if you would, please?"

She nodded, and lit up her horn. "Sorry little one, but you have to go back to... you're... sister. Awwwe! You're so cute!" Her bottom lip's quivering and her eyes are watering partially; eyes wide as dinner plates, with that look of pure sadness.

"Luna, I'm ashamed..." I told her, shaking my head and holding it in one hand, She crossed her hooves and scowled at me, "YOU look at that face and say 'no', then!" She pouted.

Fuck. Way too adorable... can't... look away!

"Sweetie, you're worse than the Jedi mind trick. You could do anything with that face..." She stared at me hopefully, "Yes, you can stay for the night..."

"Hurray!"

"Huzzah!"

They both cheered and giggled at the same time, making my heart leap. They might actually make me have a d'awww-attack.
Luna jumped onto the bed next to Sweetie, her back hooves kicking back and forth. "What do you want to do first? We haven't had a guest in our chambers other than Seth, in ages! Pick absolutely anything you want to do, and we'll do it. Name your fancy, little one." She giggled and looked like a fucking teenager on her first sleepover. This is adorable.

"I'm not sure, never slept over with a princess before! I gotta think about this!" She said, giddy.

"How about you two think about what to do, and I'll be back in a few." I told them, walking over to the door and out Luna's room.

Do you have any fucking clue how awesome it was back there?

...

Did you not see those two? Spend some time with them, you heartless bastard.

Beer.

YES!!!!!

Indeed.

I made my way around the castle halls, searching each door and room for the small staircase and multiple locks on the single door of my dreams. Where is it, where is it? Come on, don't do this shit to me! Celestia I swear to god, if I can't find this door, I'm breaking the castle.

Wait a minute... I know this door. I know it all to well...

"BEER!" I shouted, running over to the slightly aged wooden door. My god I think I'm skipping with glee (What? I need a fucking drink, like right fucking now) up to the door. Getting up to the door and almost crying, I was shocked when I saw the ten locks lining the door. I forgot about the fucking locks?! Are you serious? Equestria couldn't just say 'hey, Seth! You know what? Were going to make it easy for you this time, this time you can drink to your heart's content and enjoy anything else you could ever imagine!'
No. Of course not, I had to forget about the god damn locks and be stuck in the depressing hallway next tot he door leading to heaven...

"They're deadbolts, you know." The fuck? I swear I just heard someone talking to me...

Looking down the each of the halls, making sure no one followed me over here, I could see no one.

"Strange... Could have sworn I heard someone..." I said aloud, not knowing the voice was lurking in my head. "Who the hell said that?" I asked, looking up and down the door for a weakness.

"Does it really matter if it gets you drunk?"

Sound logic if I ever heard it.

"See? Even HE agrees." Wait, what? I sat down and plunged a finger into my ear, trying to clean it out. Did I just fucking hear it again? "Now get up off your lazy ass and look. At. The. Locks." Demanding...

"Pushy, eh?" I got up and stared intently at the locks. Why are the locks important? "Kay... so they're deadbolts, what's your poin-, ohhhhh."

"There ya go, pal." The voice told me as I came to the understanding.

I took a step back, readying myself for the blow I was going to send. I gave the door a solid shoulder check, hearing the wood splinter around the deadbolts. Another few swift shoulder checks directly beside the locks, and they gave way; letting me stumble into the room and almost trip over a barrel.

I feel like I could weep tears of joy right now... I was truly in heaven; stacks and stacks of barrels lined the walls of the room, some even simply stood upright, letting me hug them openly. I think I've died and I don't care....

"Happy?"

"Incredibly." I said, walking over to a barrel, mug in hand from a table littered with them. By god, I think I might actually cry. Pouring myself a glass and taking a nice swig, it tasted supremely sweet. Like someone decided to skim peaches over the top...

"Fuck it, pony beer's weird, but it's beer!" Thank you, magical pony land for the greatest similarity I could have asked for. I took a big gulp of it, enjoying the drink I was rewarded for being able to bust through a bunch of deadbolts. Heh, should probably tell Tia... Like never. Let her find out on her own, is the best way...

"Enjoying yourself?" The voice asked.

"Hell yeah, man! Wanna come here and have a few drinks?" I thought for a moment, "Wait, where the fuck are you anyway's?

"Hmmm... I haven't been out for quite some time, and I do suppose I would love to meet you. So chaotic, I can almost taste the fun you'll bring!" He started laughing then stopped abruptly with a huge gasp. "But I was saving THIS time for Sunbutt! I know just where she keeps her favourite mane brush, and how deliciously chaotic it would be to take..." He seems to just be pondering whether getting drunk with me or messing with Cel would be more entertaining.

"There's at least a few hundred barrels~" I said, hopefully enticing him.

"A human from a different world and getting drunk with him, or messing with old Sunbutt for a day... The choices..."

"Stop thinking, start drinking! Come on you little bastard, come get plastered with me!"

I heard a loud snapping noise and turned around, hearing him say, "Sunbutt can wait a while."
Now. I've seen dragons, pony's, pegasi, unicorns, griffons, alicorns, and even a giant lion with a scorpion tail. But this? This is beyond Equestria logic.

Equestria logic doesn't count, remember?

Riiiiight.

"What on Equestria are you gawking at you little shit?" A little shit?

"Mother fucker did you just call me a little shit?" I asked, almost offended.

"I thought we were insulting each other?" I like him...

"WELCOME TO THE BEST PLACE IN EQUESTRIA!" I yelled out, laughing when he started chuckling.

"Well, aren't you a curious fellow?"

"Me? You're the one who looks like a mismatched, unholy, creature who can float." Not gunna get into that, pony logic... "What's
your name, mate?"

"Discord." He said, rolling a barrel to my feet. "Seth, I presume?"

"Indeed. Human, as you already know." I told him, sitting down by the barrel and pulling out my insanely epic crazy straw I jacked from Sugarcube Corner; dropping it into the the top where I yanked out the nozzle, as I drank.

"Indeed." He retorted, moving into a sitting position but still hovering like an inch off the ground. Why does he even...
His talons snapped and a random large glass boot materialized in his lions paw. He somehow drained the barrel and filled his boot with the beer just by looking at it funny. What ever, I found someone to drink with and talk to, so I don't have to talk to myself down here; I'm happy.

He looked at me like he was trying to figure a hard math problem out. "So, if I may be so bold?"

"As bold as you feel necessary."

"What is your intended plan, with little Lulu?"

"Meaning...?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you... What do you see for yourselves in the future? The time fast approaching?" That was... Ominous.

"Pranks. Years and years worth of pranks with that blue mare..." I leaned back, laughing. "But in all seriousness, I can see a long life with her. Lived with joy and sorrow, the mix that lasts in all aspects of life... But the one thing I'm hoping for more than anything I could possibly think of, would be for her to say yes."

"Yes?" He asked in confusion.

I looked back over to him, smiling. "To the last question that matters to me with her anymore... When I can finally muster the courage and pop the question; for her to marry me, to become truly mine for the rest of my days... I couldn't care less if she already said she only loves me. I want her to really know that she WILL be, and HAS been the only girl for me. I want her to feel loved and happy every second of the day... I just hope I can stick around long enough for her to stay happy."

"Stick around? What do you mean?" He stopped drinking from his boot and was looking quite sorrowful. Listening to my every word.

"You don't know this, and I'm pretty sure only Cel, Twi, and Flash even know this. I can't live as long as Luna obviously. I'm not immortal, I can't stand by her for the next hundred years, let alone the next thousand... I want her to be as happy as she can, and find out that I will always be with her... Just not right beside her."

Looking at Discord, I could only see sadness shining through his yellow eyes. Why is so sad? And he looks seriously depressed...

"I..." He choked up, I don't think he's going to speak.

"Dude, are you okay? Because you look like Tia when I put a chili pepper in her cake." He busted out laughing, while he wiped a tear away.

"Fine, fine. My dear boy, you are truly the one Lulu's been looking for alright..." He grinned but the smile faded into a look of sadness once more. "Maybe even the one I've been waiting for..." He said stoically, looking into beyond me; like he was somewhere else entirely.

"Discord, you seem like REALLY sad..." He looked at me again, staring into my eyes. I stood up, walked over to him and told him,
" I know just the thing to help with that."

Cocking an eyebrow and rubbing his white goatee, he asked, "How's that?"

"BOOOOOZE WITH A GOOD PAL!" I yelled out, making his hands go into a snapping shape. "Now magic up some shot glasses and what ever you pony's have that is the strongest. We need to DRINK!"

"What are... You know what? Yes. Yes I will, Seth. I think we both need this!" He said, snapping his talons and laughing as a bottle of crystal clear liquid and a bunch of shot glasses appeared. "This my friend, is something I kept in the Everfree Castle. Quite strong, but it has a delectable taste."

"It looks like... Sliverwitz..." I felt a tear role down my face. "Yesh! Thank you, Discord! This is going be the best drinking night other than my last night on Earth!"

"Haven't been drunk in thousands of years... Wonder what'll happen?"
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"And this is what me and Tia were like as foals! We absolutely adored playing in the gardens that our mother planted. She had the greenest hoof in all the land; just by walking by and smiling, she could make a forest of daisies grow... She was... She was beautiful." Luna told the small unicorn, smiling as they watched the final moments of the slideshow Luna had put on in the middle of her room.

"That was so awesome, princess Woona! I can't believe you were like ME when you were a foal, I thought you would have been... I don't know, more..."

"Princess like?" Luna said, butting in and giggling.

"Yeah!" Sweetie laughed, scooting over closer to Luna. She fiddled with her hooves for a moment.

"Is something the matter, little one?"

"N-no! Of course not, I'm having the time of my laugh with you! I mean I'm actually in the castle and in your room!" She exclaimed, looking like she was hiding something. " It's just..."

"Juuuuuuuust?" Luna pried, hopefully being able to help out the little filly.

"Well... Where's Seth?"

"Ohhhh, that's what it is~" Luna said, poking the white foal.

"W-w-what?"

"You like Seth~." Luna sang, smiling when Sweetie blushed.

"W-w-what?! No! Of course not, I would never... Like... The kindest most bestest and awesomest and greatest stallion ever... He's also really handsome..." Sweetie said, her blush getting worse and worse.

"Hehehe, awwe! You DO have a crush on Seth." She poked the filly and giggled, "You're a little late, though. I snagged him up a him back a while ago." She smiled.

"I-I know... It's just... I really, REALLY like him.... I feel all happy and stuff when I'm with him... Rarity says it happens when you're in love. I think it is too..." She just stared at Sweetie, smiling. This is the most amazing thing in the world. Seth makes best friends with the most adorable filly in all the lands and she falls for him... I want her too..

"You know, Sweetie. You could always show him how much you care~" Sweeties face lit up beat red and her voice went hushed.

"W-what...Do you... Mean?" She asked in a whisper.

"I'm not saying you can have him.... But I think I could let a little peck slide." She winked, seeing the filly's face light up even more as her eyes sparkled.

Getting right next to Luna, she asked, "R-r-really....?" Hope was ever present in her voice.

"Think of it as a little more fun for the night?" Luna ginned and Sweetie smiled in joy

"You're the bestest Pony I could have met! I love you, Princess Woona!" She jumped into Luna's chest and gave her a caring hug, making Luna go blank.

"You...Y-you, love us?" She asked, looking down at the smiling Sweetie.

"Uh-huh! For ever and ever! You're the best princess ever!"

Heh, what now, Tia?! Luna screamed through her head.

"Now, what would you say to a late night snack? You can have what ever your heart desires; the royal kitchens are open all day and night, pick what ever it is you want, and you shall have it!"

Sweetiebelle's eyes glinted when she heard this. "Anything I want, huh?"

"Anything at all!" Luna shouted, grabbing Sweetie in her magic and running through her doors and around the halls, with a giggling filly above her.

"I'm flying! Hehehe, I'm flying!" She yelled out, tossing her hooves around and giggling like mad.

I can see why Seth likes her so much, now!

Wait, where is he?
______________________________________________

"Soooooo how chu know Tia and Luna?"

"Ti-times and ages ago, we ALLLLLL got along. We were friends, comrades, allies. Up until I made the world totally awesome and way better than it was. I mean could you imagine poker card roads and flying houses? IT WAS GREAT! and all this other stuff happened, and yeah." He ended abruptly and looked like he was going to pass out. Not surprised since we finished that bottle of what ever the fuck it was and like 20 barrels. I'm not sure what it was, but it tasted like vanilla water and burned my throat to hell! Not sure how it got me so drunk, but hey, I ain't complaining.

We've been talking about random shit for the last few hours, mostly about Luna and Celestia, and how Discord changed the land to what he thought was funny and cool. Cotton candy clouds that rain chocolate milk? Fuck yes, would I be doing that shit to if i was able to. Hell I'd even make the towns lose gravity...

"Oooooh, that's a good one! Should remember that one." He said, drinking from his seventh glass boot.

Oh right, plus he can read my mind. I find it creepy as fuck, because well, he knows how I imagine Luna at night, now...

"Yeah, and some of it is just plain...Wow. Would never do THAT with a princess."

"Oi, shut your mouth and mind your own mind!"

"What EVER!" He crossed his arms... through his head... and looked like he was trying to pout. "So what do you do other than drink copious amounts of booze. I like you and all, but you better not be a total drunk..."

"Bitch, please. I enjoy a good drink or twelve like everypony else. And I don't really do that much... Mainly just Luna. She's my love, my life, and future wife..." I told him, smiling at the thought of her again.

"Really hope that works out for you. You deserve it, and mother knows she deserves it..."

"You keep saying 'hope'. Why wouldn't it work out?"

"Like I said, things don't always do the way you want them to... they tend to turn out a little more messy... or -"

"Chaotic?" Interupted.

"Exactly..." He let out a long sigh, "I'm just saying look out... I've been thinking about what has happened, what hasn't happened and what's happening a lot lately. And ME thinking about time and how it will effect others is never a good thing." He told me, standing up (Wobbling a shit ton) and staring at me with his far off look. "This was fun, Seth... Too bad it can't happen again in your lifetime, would have really liked to meet you and start some harmless chaos." He grabbed my hand and shook it.

"Damn right it was, Discord. And yeah, sucks you gotta go now..."

"Can you... Can you pass a little message over to Little Lulu and Sunbutt for me?" He asked, almost pleading.

"Sure, but it might be a little different from what you intend. I mean I'm pretty drunks!"

Discord shook his head and grinned. "Here, this'll make it easier." He gripped my head in his talons and his eyes began to swirl.

"What the fuc-" MY FUCKING HEAD! It feels like my brian's going through a cement mixer filled with acid, covered in a rainbow, shooting cookies and confetti everywhere. I don't think I can even see anything anymore...

"Here ya go, that should make the message EXTREMELY easier to remember and I even took away the alcohol in your system. Discord you fantastic being!" He told himself. Letting me collapse to the ground, Discord hovered in front of my face, staring at me with a creepy looking grin (Scary but happy, can't explain it.). "You have a little something extra in ya now. Be careful." He told me, fading away into nothingness, "But most of all, have FUN!"

And just like that, Discord was gone and I passed out; face first on the tiled floor of the underground beer garden.
_______________________________________________
"But... How?" Luna asked out loud. She was in the royal kitchen with Sweetiebelle, thinking they would be in for a quick snack then leave and go find the missing human. But no, Sweetie had to be a black hole and eat EVERYTHING in site.

"Sugar is the one thing I will ALWAYS eat!" Sweetie said happily with a little twitch. Did she just twitch?

Eight cakes, six, two liter sodas, the entire candy pantry, four milkshakes and two buckets of ice cream. HOW?!

"We...We can see that, little one." Luna picked up one of her moon pies and threw the whole thing into her mouth, taking a single bite and swallowing it. She never got enough of her moon pies.

"Ooooh... What's that?" Sweetie asked, from underneath Luna's hooves; staring at the moonpie.

"This? This my dear, is the most deliciously decadently sweet pastry in all Equestria! Tis our moonpie!" She said joyously.

"Can I have one?" She asked innocently.

"Ha. Haha. HAHAHHA. No." Luna bit into another one and savoured this bite, enjoying the chocolate coating and partially flaky pastry. Looking down at the now quiet Sweetie, her heart almost broke. "You...You...But they're mine!" Sweetie didn't respond, simply making her large eyes water and grow bigger."But...FINE!" Lune tossed her a moonpie and watched as all hell was about to break loose.

As Sweetie took her first bite into the newly found treat, all movement on her part suddenly stopped. Then a second later she took another bite, now slightly vibrating sh- WAIT VIBRATING!? Sweetiebelle threw the moonpie into the air, jumping up to meet it and chomping down on the pastry with her mighty jaws; doing a flip and landing on the counter.

Still vibrating and now twitching every other second, Sweetie's head kept looking around frantically like she couldn't focus on ONE thing for more than a millisecond. Luna was about to raise a hoof to make sure the filly was okay but she screamed, "Woohoo!" And zipped out of the kitchen in a cloud of smoke.

Staring wide eyed at what just happened, Luna spoke to herself quietly. "What have we done..." And with that; she took chase after the sugar fuelled ball of filly.