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Intermission: Cadance's Diary, Entry 5478 (Part 1)
Dear Diary, I was just reading back through some of my oldest entries, and let me tell you, were they hard to find! I had to dig through 15 years of entries to find the very first one! I’d almost forgotten when I started, back after… that day. You know the one. Well, okay, no you don’t.
I know Celestia reads these. That’s right, I’m onto you, auntie. I hope you enjoyed my fifty-thousand word story about me and Shiny fucking on your bed. Remember the bit when I started shitting on him, and we got it all over your bed? I bet you do! Or you’ve blocked it out! Seriously, stop reading these. I mean it.
Anyway, that’s why I haven’t told you what happened at my prom. She wanted me to start writing in these immediately after she moved me into the castle, and I know it was so I could say what happened in them. And I’m still not going to. Fuck you, auntie.
Anyway, I got Shining promoted today. He’s going to love me for this, I know it. Captain of the Guard! If that doesn’t get him to fuck me, I don’t know what will. Well, maybe Crystal Emperor will do the trick. But… No, that’s the effect, not the cause. I have to draw a line somewhere, or it won’t work. None of it will work.
Anyway, (A note in the margins includes an arrow pointing to this, and reads, “Stop doing that. It sounds uncreative.”) he gets promoted at sundown. I’m going to be there, of course. I prepared the party, after all. Even made the punch personally. After that, hopefully he comes to bed with me and we can finally be together.
Still no progress on that front, by the way. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, I can’t even detect the spell, let alone activate it. Supposedly, If I push out enough power it will activate, but I have no idea how to do that. I’m an Alicorn. Moreover, the Alicorn of Love. Me and Shiny together should have enough magical strength to shift the planet’s orbit, but I just can’t do it. Maybe because Shiny’s been pushing me away a little recently? I’m not around him enough.
As far as actual, scientific, research goes, I’ve had a little progress. The actual documentation can be found in the usual place, but it basically boils down to: Changelings can taste different emotions besides love. It seems that my main test subject, Chrysalis, has adapted to love specifically. It seems to get the most sustenance from it, as opposed to other emotions its “little ones” prepared.
We tested equal amounts of emotions, including love, curiosity, hatred, and greed, all in semi-solid form. Interestingly enough, it even went so far to describe each emotions’ distinct flavour. I had a copy transcribed, also including the surprisingly unique colours of each, so I could attach it here.
(A sheet of white paper with the following contents written on it has been attached, by means of glue. It takes up the majority of the page, and does not match Dr. Cadenza’s own hoofwriting.)
Love - [Pink/Chocolate]
Curiosity - [Blue/Blueberries]
Hate - Red/Ash
Greed - Green/Sour
Familial Affection(?) - White/Milk
Happiness - [Light Blue/Peppermint]
Courage - [Orange/Oranges]
Fear - Yellow OR Light Green/Lemons
Rage - [Bright Red/Cooked Steak]
Lust - [Light Pink/Sugar]
Sorrow - Off-White/Cheese
Testing was concluded after I, Dr. Cadenza became upset at subject for being non-specific with its answers. It requested we cease for the day, and I was at first adamant that we had not gathered enough data. Subject pointed at remaining jars, and asked if testing would be concluded upon finishing with the jars of emotion. Upon my confirmation as such, subject proceeded to repeat previous act of destruction by Thaumically launching all the other jars out of the window at the same time.
To my relief, however, a combination of its own Thaumic exhaustion (Possibly brought on by malnutrition), my closing the window after the previous act of destruction, and recognition of the similar movements preceding the movement was enough to save the samples from exiting the lab. After which, I agreed to postpone testing for to-day. We shall resume the experiment to-morrow at 1000 hours.
Photography of the jar yielded no definitive results, as the black-and-white imagery made it difficult to confirm pigment. Thaumic imagery showed the jar, as well as the rest, as a Milky off-green. This would suggest that the solidified emotion is psychically reactive, though whether it is reacting to myself or the subject is unknown. Perhaps both simultaneously. Whatever the cause, it appears to lose this property in translation.
(The attached page ends here.)
Ugh. It taxes me, it really does. It also got around to reading my reports and got pissy about my repeated usage of “it” as opposed to “she”. It can identify with whatever gender it likes, as far as I’m concerned it’s hermaphroditic. I stated as such in the lab report.
Crap, I lost track of time. I gotta go to Shiny’s promotion ceremony. I’m mostly done for the day, but I might add something later if… When it goes like I know it will. See you later, Diary.
Author's Note
So, the first Intermission chapter! Yes, these are planned. Merry Christmas, again, by the way. And before I get people whining about Cadance being OOC, that's on purpose. There's a subtext, if you know what to look for.
Author's Note
I live yet! But yeah, sorry about that... little break. There's really no excuse, just... I'm a really slow writer. I kinda hate that about myself.
Business
Chapter 2
Changelings. That was what chased the intrepid archaeologist deeper into the jungle, hemming her in on all sides. Some had shape-shifted into tigers or gorillas, leaping forward in great bounds, and gaining on Daring despite her being in the air. She only wished she could take to the sky proper, and that it wasn’t blocked by the leafy canopy above.
Diving through a thin-looking bush, she emerged back in her camp, and dove, hitting the ground and sliding across the hard-packed dirt. From one of the tents nearby, her latest assistant emerged, and asked her what had happened.
Carapace was an etymologist, and had admittedly been an odd choice, but who knew what the east Zebrican spider cult had placed as defences. She explained she had been attacked by a swarm of changelings, and he did something strange—he grinned.
“Is that so?” Green fire engulfed the stallion, and in his place was yet another changeling. The green bug-pony bared his fangs, and began advancing on her as the others bounded out of the underbrush behind him. “Well, Daring Do, I suppose it’ time to explain why I know so much about insects…”
-Twilight Velvet, Daring Do and the Spider-Queen of the Changelings
Shining Armour blinked stupidly, and tried to pretend he hadn’t just been staring at Ambassador Chrysalis’ rear. “Uh. Business.”
In an instant, Chrysalis’ entire demeanour changed, going from seductive and sultry to slightly annoyed right before his eyes. “Ugh… Of course, it always is. Come in, come in. I swear by the Hivemind, Celestia’s trying to starve me…” He followed her into the room, passing a couple of Changelings wearing armour made of blue carapace. Chrysalis tilted her head towards the door. “Jekyll, Hyde, please guard outside. Just in case.” They both nodded, and the two Changelings ducked out the door.
Shining looked around the as he followed Chrysalis to a couch. Unlike Princess Celestia’s, it seemed that the rest of the rooms were more like opulent apartments, beginning with a large living room, which had a dedicated kitchen section to the immediate right. They were currently seated on two different couches placed against the wall, with a small table between the two in the corner. In front of them sat another, larger coffee table, with a stack of letters in the center, as well as a small pile of what the military part of Shining’s brain registered as paperwork.The table in the corner held a dusty wax cylinder player, obviously never used. Both tables were made of thick, glazed oak.
Across the room, the kitchen section could be clearly seen through a large passe-plat, a counter serving as the barrier between and a place to eat the food off of. A pair of cushioned stools sat underneath the counter on the living room side, also somewhat dusty. In fact, the whole kitchen seemed to share this aesthetic, with all of the implements and ornaments remaining unused, including the icebox. He was sure that should he open it, the ice block would have been missing for years.
In fact, the only thing that broke this pattern was a single cupboard, which, after Chrysalis seated him, she trotted to and opened. “So,” she began, pulling out a glowing pink jar. Her voice was like a dozen different mares a single note separate from each other had spoken all at once. “What sort of business do you have with me, mister…?”
“Captain Shining Armour,” He finished for her. “As in Captain of the Royal Guard. Just got promoted to-day.”
“My, my. The Captain of the Guard himself wants to see little old me? I’m not going to be arrested, am I?”
“Not unless you’ve done something illegal.”
Chrysalis smiled and set her jar down on the counter. Eddies of pink goo flowed in and around each other in such a way that liquid should not. She shot him a sultry look over her shoulder. “I would if you were the one cuffing me. Do you have handcuffs? I do so enjoy the pink fuzzy ones.” When Shining’s face contorted into an expression of disbelief, she laughed in an echoing, yet alluring cackle. “Mm. I would guess not, then. Must not be your thing.”
She tapped the jar on the counter. “Would you like some, Captain? I understand it’s polite to offer Ponies some of what you’re eating.” It was a plain lock-lid jar, maybe the width of, and slightly taller than his hoof.
“What is it?” Shining asked. In response, Chrysalis clicked the lid open, and scooped out a small dollop with the edge of her hoof. Carefully moving back across the room, she held it before him, and looked Shining in the eye.
“Love.” She said the word wistfully, as though it were some grand delicacy she had heard of yet never tasted. “Pure, solidified love. It’s safe, I promise.”
Warily, Shining reached out and scraped the pink goo off of Chrysalis’ own hoof, making note of the texture of her carapace. The end of the hoof was solid, much like his own, but he could see it flex at the joints like armour. It felt like very thick flesh, as opposed to the keratin of a hoof, and there was no distinction between the underside and her frog. It was simply a solid mass, with the slightest hint of walls around the edges.
His attention returned to the solidified love, and he slowly brought it to his own mouth. In front of him, Chrysalis had begun scooping hooffulls from the jar and eating them like a bear eating honey. His tongue extended, and he licked the pink goo.
His tongue exploded.
Or at least, that’s what it felt like.
It was like a metric tonne of sugar had been compressed into the tiny blob of goo, and he was completely unprepared. He didn’t even have enough wits about him to recoil, or spit it back out, as doing so would cause the sensation to rekindle. He could only sit perfectly still, and make a pained keening noise as his eyes watered. Chrysalis said something, probably asking if he was okay, but he couldn’t hear anything but his own heartbeat thundering in his ears.
An eternity of uncomfort later, he swallowed, and the sensation dissipated enough to allow him movement. He immediately gagged, and stuck his tongue out, realizing he couldn’t taste anything when he licked his lips. Chrysalis waved her hoof in front of his face. “Captain?”
Shining replied with a noise not unlike “Glaaaaaugh…” and the Ambassador smiled. “Ah, good! Would you like some more?”
He shook his head, and Chrysalis shrugged. “Suit yourself.” She finished the jar off, using a obscenely-long tongue to clean out the dregs. Within seconds, the glass jar seemed sparkling clean, and her horn lit up with a bright green glow to lift the jar in a similarly-coloured aura. With a clink, she set it in the sink, and turned back to Shining, who could finally think. “So, Captain, if you’re not here to arrest me and you didn’t come for the treats, then you have me stumped. Not that I mind your presence, but it does beg the question: Why are you here?”
Shining coughed, and adjusted a sleeve of his uniform. “I’ve just come from Princess Celestia’s quarters, as she’s assigned me an extra duty.”
“Do tell.”
“I’m to act as your Lord Protector, effective immediately.” This was said with a ear for drama, as it was meant to be impressive, to flatter, and to earn admiration.
Chrysalis’ eyebrow rose. “I have no idea what that is.”
Shining sighed, and began quoting from his time at the military academy. At least it would come in handy for something other than theoretical scenarios. “Well, a Lord Protector is not unlike a bodyguard, but much more devoted. Normally, the position can only be filled by a being that the Protected wholly trusts and personally had trained for it. They can be assigned by the ruling Princess or Captain of the Guard, however. It’s also somewhat beneficial if the Lord Protector and the Protected become friends, should they not be at least as much already.” He paused. “What I’m saying is, she’s assigned me to you, and your protection is now my job. I’m hoping she’ll allow me a little bit of a reprieve, considering I’m basically pulling double duty.”
Chrysalis put her hoof to her chin, and looked a little bored. “So what you’re saying is that Celestia’s assigned me a 24-hour, high-falutin bodyguard. Am I in danger, or…” She trailed off, allowing him to reply.
Shining sighed. “I don’t know, actually. She seems to be concerned you’re becoming anti-social, and that’s one of the things that really sets her off for some reason. Apparently one of the hidden duties of the Lord Protector is to make the Protected get out more.” When Chrysalis didn’t respond, and was simply looking at him without visibly comprehending what he had said, he continued. “You know, if you put in a request, you could probably have me replaced with somepony else. You know, some Sergeant or somepony who-”
“Why would I do that?” She interrupted, a predatory grin adorning her face. “A handsome stallion wholly dedicated to keeping me company every second of the day? This might actually be Celestia’s way of apologizing. Just in time, too. I was gonna be bored in a bit, and the last time that happened, me and five of my guards invaded the kitchens.”
Shining blinked. “...You did what? Wait, you just got here three weeks ago. When did you-”
“Tuesday.”
“...Okay then.” An awkward silence invaded, raped, pillaged, then nicely asked to borrow a cup of sugar, before burning the house down. Silently. During which Chrysalis picked up a letter from the table, opened it, and began to read. Shining coughed, and stood up from the couch. Chrysalis' eyes followed him as he moved across the width of the apartment, his curiosity concerning the door overtaking him in the absence of anything else.
"That eager to get into the bedroom? Ooh, I like that in a sta-"
"Stop that." Shining's statement was roughly as blunt as a frying pan to the muzzle. Only a literal frying pan would have been more effective.
"...What?"
Shining sighed. "Sorry. I've just... I've been getting that sort of thing for a while from Cadance."
Chrysalis blinked, before her eyes lit up with realization. "Oh! That's where I've seen you! I thought you looked familiar!"
"Well, yeah, I look like the Royal Guard's armour illusion naturally-"
"No, no, well, yeah, but I mean Dr. Cadenza has pictures of you all over her office! Pictures of you in your armour, in your uniform, foal pictures (you were a cute foal, by the way), high school pictures with both of you, pictures of you in the shower..."
"Wait, what?"
"Pictures of you all over the place. Never thought to ask about them before."
"Hang on, go back to the bit about the shower-"
"Are you two together? I'll back off if you are."
Shining paused, considering his answer carefully. "It... Depends on who you ask. If you ask Cadance, she'll try to tell you we've been together since high school."
"And are you, Captain?"
"I think we had a fling, and she had a breakdown, and now she's weirdly obsessed with me." He watched Chrysalis' reaction carefully. "You don't believe me, do you?"
Chrysalis seemed genuinely surprised. "Hm? No, I believe you. Look, we feed off love. And while I didn't need any jarred love for a week after she mentioned you once, I don't feel any from you. At all." She looked away for a moment, before attempting to change the subject. "So... Dr. Cadenza had a breakdown in high school?"
Shining trudged back to the couch, his nose twitching. He sat next to Chrysalis, and leaned against the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling as he went back to that night. "Yeah. A little bit after we showed up that jackass Buck Withers, she went off to the bathroom. I was talking with this weird grey stallion in a fedora, when she came screaming out of the bathroom, yelling something about a Crystal Emperor and sombreros."
He sighed. "The campus constabulary were already on edge after 8-Bit and Gaffer's shenanigans in the rafters, so they tried to stop her before she caused too big of a panic. All they did was tear her beautiful purple-and-pink dress." Next to him, Chrysalis suddenly perked up, and glanced at him. He continued unabated. "She basically pounced on me, and that was all the provocation the constabulary needed to break out the incapacitation spells. We both got hit. I woke up the next morning in my bed, with Twiley hugging me.
"Princess Celestia got overprotective after that, keeping her locked up in the Palace. Now, I was a teenager, and pretty much only thinking with my... Anyway, I thought meeting her again would be easy: I just had to become a Royal Guard." He shifted again, adjusting his uniform. "But, when I finally did meet her, she was acting… weird. I didn’t notice at first, because I was happy to see her again. She used to be so different, so caring…”
He trailed off, and Chrysalis noticed. “ Captain?”
Shining shook his head. “Nah, it’s nothing. Sorry I just starting dumping all that on you, I don’t know why I did that…”
Chrysalis smiled, placing a hoof on his shoulder. “It’s alright. Go ahead, say whatever you need.”
Shining nodded, leaning into her hoof. In response, she shifted, so Shining could comfortably lean against her own shoulder. He spoke quietly, as if afraid Cadance would pop out from behind the couch. “I keep giving her more chances. I think that’s the real problem. I let her close for a bit, and then she tries to seduce me, and I force her away. She doesn’t understand I don’t want a quickie in the broom closet.”
Chrysalis tussled his mane. “Obviously you liked her before her breakdown. Focus on that. Now, tell me about her.”
Shining closed his eyes, and sighed, going back to happier times. “She was so sweet, and caring. I had always been straddling the line between the jocks and the nerds, being a big bulky stallion that enjoyed playing board games and the like. She was sort of straddling that line as well, hanging out with the jocks just so she could stick around and rescue their victims from lockers and trash cans. She was even Twiley’s foalsitter, up until-”
“Wait, who?”
Shining blinked, as realization dawned. “Oh, uh, smart purple unicorn, pink streak through her mane, usually has her nose in a book? She’s the Princesses’ personal student… uh… National hero, as of about a week ago?”
Chrysalis brightened. “Ah, her! Of course, we’ve seen her in the newspapers.”
“We?”
“I’ll explain later. So, Ms. Sparkle’s former foalsitter?”
“Right. So, she was Twiley’s foalsitter for a bit, and I think they even schemed together a fair bit to try and get me and Cadance together. She just had one of those personalities where everypony likes her, you know? If you were down, she’d cheer you up. She was always there for me. When I was around her, I could relax.”
Shining sighed again. Beside him, Chrysalis put her hoof around him in a hug, pressing him close. Surprisingly, her carapace wasn’t hard like he’d thought, maybe just a little tougher than a pony’s skin. He was surprisingly comfortable. In fact, after the day he’d had, he was kind of tired. Well, he could trust Chrysalis. He could probably fall asleep right… here…
Wait. Wait one bucking second. Three weeks ago, at the briefing, Princess Celestia had warned that Changelings were capable of mind control, from gentle suggestion all the way up to outright mental domination.
Shining wasn’t tired anymore.
His forehooves flailed, his right hoof smashing into Chrysalis’ jaw with a crack, and his left pulling him off the couch and onto the floor. From his new position, he glared at her. She had been knocked backward, by the force of the blow, and had fallen over the armrest, clutching her mouth. Tears (fake, he knew) were free-flowing from her catlike eyes, which were themselves filled with shock and hurt.
For a moment, he saw those eyes, and regretted what he’d done, because of how genuine they seemed… but the moment passed as he realized he was simply being manipulated once more. His own eyes narrowed. “You’re just like her.”
The door to the apartment slammed open, and the pair of Changeling guards darted in, taking in the situation with a glance. Yet… they didn’t attack. Shining continued unabated. “You’ll say anything to get my love. You tried to seduce me, and when that didn’t work, you tried to manipulate me into telling you about Cadance so you could mimic her. And while I was doing that, you tried to drug me! ”
Chrysalis whimpered as he glared at her. “Deny it. I dare you.”
Beside her, one of the guards began to speak with her voice. “C… Captain… I think… I think you broke… my jaw…” The guards themselves were still standing there, wielding some kind of chitinous dagger, which made the timid tone coming from one of them all the more disconcerting. “... No… I’m so sorry… I didn’t even realize…”
Shining let out a growl. “Likely story. Now, listen up; I’m going to walk out that door. Don’t try to stop me, and I won’t mention this to Princess Celestia. We’ll both pretend that this never happened, and that you declined the offer for a Lord Protector.”
The same guard that had been using her voice shuddered, before seemingly being forced to nod. Shining stood slowly, and they both began to rotate around the room on equal sides until Shining reached the door, and they reached Chrysalis. The one that had remained silent sheathed his dagger… somewhere, and began tending as best it could to the Ambassador. Still moving slowly, Shining bit down on the door handle, and pulled the door shut. Safe in the hallway, he exhaled.
“Hey Shining.”
“Sonofabitch!” He yelped, spinning around and yanking his sword out of its sheath. He wasn’t ready for the reduced weight, however, and lost his grip. The freed blade whizzed through the air dangerously, barely missing Flash’s head.
“Holy shit!” Flash squeaked, dropping low to the carpet with his wings splayed. “Whoah! Hey! Same side, same side! What the fuck?!”
They both stopped, ready for a fight, and waiting for the other to make the first move. After a few seconds, they both began to relax. Shining’s horn was still lit from drawing his sword, but he powered it down in response to Flash folding his wings. Flash glared at him.
“Dude. What’s up with you? What’s up with everypony today?”
“It’s...It’s nothing. I’ll tell you later. What are you talking about? Did something happen?”
Flash nodded. “Back at the party, about five minutes after you left, everypony just started going funny. First we thought a few of the drunker guards were getting frisky, but pretty soon everypony started trying to… well....”
Shining’s eyebrow rose. “Everypony? Even Lieutenant Heavy-”
Flash shivered. “Yes. Even him. It was like watching an olive-green whale trying to hump Sapphire Shores. And it was horrible…” He shook his head. “Well, almost everypony. Anypony who hadn’t drunk the punch was unaffected. I’d had Barne’s whiskey, remember?”
Shining’s heart sank. “So… You’re saying that somepony likely spiked the punch with some kind of… Aphrodisiac poison?”
Flash paused, then nodded. “You… You don’t think…” He glanced back down the hall. “Would your crazy-ass girlfriend really-”
“I know she would.” Shining began trudging back down the hall. “And that’s the sad part.” He paused to yank his rapier out of the wall. As it slid back into the sheath, he muttered to himself, “Stars… Do I attract the crazy ones, or go looking for them?”
“Pardon?”
“Drop it, Flash. Where’s Hackmaster? It’s not on your back anymore.”
Flash shrugged, before turning to follow him. “Eh, it was weighing me down, and I wasn’t far from your quarters. Left it on your bunk. Careful when you lie down, that thing is sharp.”
A scoff came as a reply. “You act like I sleep with it.”
“...You don’t?”
There was only the slightest bit of hesitation before Shining replied. “Shut up.”
Flash lost it, completely and utterly. “Ha! Oh goddess, you do, don’t you! That’s friggin’ hilarious! Hehehehe… Why? Is it ‘cause you can’t get a non-crazy girlfriend? Or because you need to keep it with in case of crazy girlfriends?”
Shining sighed, pointedly not answering the question. “Look, can you and your Overseers handle the remnants of the party, manage cleanup, de-toxify them?”
“Probably. You’re not going to help?”
“I’d only get in your way, and then I’d need to be sworn to secrecy. Again. Wasn’t fun last time, probably won’t be again. Besides, it’s been one fucked-up day. I’m going to bed.”
Flash nodded, then stopped, blinking. “Sheeeit. Speaking of which… I think I forgot to turn some of the artifact shielding back on.” With that, the odd Pegasus took to the air, quickly gliding down the hallway. Shining began to follow in his general direction, as it was in that general direction that his quarters were placed. He gave his new breastplate a tug as he walked. As much as he enjoyed the position, that thing was uncomfortable.
It was around then his nose slammed into the door.
He gave a yelp as he dropped back onto his rump, and glared at the door in question. Who left this door here, where anypony could walk right into it? He looked around to check where he was.
The officer's barracks. Hm.
He looked back to the door, which he noted was closed. Giving it a pull with his magic, it opened, revealing his room. Had he walked all the way here without even...? He shrugged. He really needed some sleep.
The next few minutes were a blur, and nothing particularly special. He took off the breastplate, leaving it on his table, hung his uniform in the dresser, realized he had locked his door initially and Flash had still gotten in without any problems, and brushed his teeth. After which he locked his door again, and slid into bed beside Hackmaster. Gripping the sheathed blade as one would a teddy bear, he felt sleep overtake him.
Shining stood next to Sergeant Barnes the next morning, out on the castle's green. This was the space behind the castle, which doubled as a military base. The backdoor into the castle led straight into a guard checkpoint, after which was the officer's quarters. Around him, he could see the guard barracks, and at the far back, the vehicle depot. Before him, in a wide open field in the center of the base, stood their next group of trainees. There was maybe fifteen, all told. Mostly mares, oddly enough, but a couple stallions as well. And, for whatever reason, a Gryphon.
"Barnes."
"Captain."
"Why is a Gryphon trying to become a royal guard?"
"Equality suit. She's an equestrian citizen, and we needed a Gryphon or we were going to be under investigation for discrimination."
"Alright then. Barnes, do what you do best."
The bulky stallion didn't respond, and simply strode forward to glare at the trainees. The castle was at one of the highest points on the mountain, and the base behind it. For that precise reason, training wear was limited to simple shorts for everypony. It was only to be expected that they were all shivering. Barnes, as Shining knew, would use that to his full advantage.
"You cold, recruits?!"
"Sir, yes, sir!" Came as the reply.
"Well, today's exercise should warm you pansies up! Look sharp for Captain Shining over there; he's your superior officer, as well as mine. And since he's decided to grace us with his presence, you have to impress us both! Doubly so, as he's volunteered to assist me with the training. Now, which of you foals has played tag?"
Nearly everypony's hoof went up, including the Gryphoness' claw. Only one hoof did not. Curiously, Shining recognized the mare as Duchess Fleur de Lis, wife of Duke Fancypants. What was she doing here? Barnes singled her out anyway. "You've never played tag?! Who the fuck has never played tag?!"
She cowered under his gaze, but managed to respond in her delicate Prench accent. "Sorry, Sergeant. I was an only child, and went to a private school."
Barnes blew her off, and began pacing from one end of the line to the other. "Fancy-ass nobleponies, too good to play a gorram game of tag with their child... Fine! For those of you who have never played tag..." He punctuated his last word with a glare at Duchess de Lis. "...Here's how this shit's gonna go down, with a twist. Now, normal tag's only got one pony who's 'it'. But in my version, everypony's it 'cept for one unlucky bastard. All of you are gonna chase that unlucky bastard, and the pony that gets him? Gets a night in bed with him."
Shining blinked. Did Barnes just...
"Now, you might be wondering; Oh, wonderful and handsome Sergeant Barnes, why haven't you been promoted yet? I'm not answering that one. But the others are probably wondering, 'Barnes, who is this pony we're chasing?"
Oh no. Shining could see where this was going. He preemptively bolted for the corner of the castle.
"That's right, you much-luckier fillies and colts, you're chasing- Hey! Come back here, you're not supposed to start yet! After him!" Shining barely heard Barnes confirm his fears as he rounded the corner and entered the castle's statue garden. Doors. He needed a door he could lock. Those were inside.
Behind him, some of the faster pegasi were already catching up. A sky-blue Pegasus with a rainbow mane was right behind him, and he just barely avoided her by ducking around a corner. With a howl of frustration, she smashed into the hedge, becoming tangled in the branches. Behind him, a large red Earth pony stallion was leading the pack, his longer strides and able body placing him in front. Shining lobbed an entrapment spell behind himself, webbing up the stallion's hooves. The last Shining heard of him was a muted "Eenope" as he turned the corner.
He turned said corner and ran right into the Gryphon from earlier, who clung to his back like a leech. "Just take a breather, dalink. Momma Gjinka gots you now, dot's right..."
With only a moment's hesitation, Shining cast an expanding bubble shield, which forcibly ejected her from his back. "Damn my exotic taste in females!" He saw another corner a fair distance ahead, before his view was blocked by a familiar purple mare blinking directly into his path. He ground to a halt to prevent hurting Twiley.
"B.B.B.F.F! I did some genetic research, and calculated that if you impregnate me, our foal has a seventy-six percent chance of being one of the strongest unicorns in history, with only a twenty percent chance of genetic deformation! Celestia will be so proud!"
"What in all the fucks. No. Not in a hundred fucking years." He barreled past her, and rounded the corner, deftly avoiding a stasis spell she fired in response. Come to think of it, hadn't he been rounding far too many- Ah, the main doors! He leapt at them, slamming them open with a squeal as the wood was dragged on the marble. His hooves began to beat out a steady staccato rhythm on that same marble, quickly joined by those of the trainees.
He believed he had enough of a lead that he could lose them in the castle's hallways, and he wasn't wrong; unfortunately, he quickly became lost himself, he was so turned around in the winding corridors. He finally came to stop at a T-junction, and considered his options.
To his left, the corridor simply seemed to go on forever, disappearing into the horizon. This was odd. He was... Marginally sure none of the castle's corridors had to account for the curvature of Arcadia. To his right, the corridor seemed to have lost all gravity, with several decorative rugs and potted plants floating in midair. He turned around to try and go back, only to find that the corridor he had entered from had disappeared, and the wall replacing it had been decorated with a painting of High Viscount Thaddeus Blueblood (Amadeus' great-great-great-to-something grandfather.)
He could feel the painting mocking him.
Shining snorted at it, and turned around again, noticing a door that he was quite positive had not been there before. Eagerly, he yanked the door open and ducked through...
...right into the still-searching crowd of trainees. Another bubble shield snapped into place around him almost without thinking, and he bowled right through the crowd. Somepony yelled "Strike!" for comedic effect. He turned to see who, and found Princess Luna standing in a doorway. She waved a hoof, beckoning him closer. "Get in here, Shiny! They won't be able to follow you!"
Eager for the assistance, Shining ducked through the door just before a hail of stasis spells followed, slamming into the heavy oak portal to little effect. Said door slammed shut, and the room beyond was instantly plunged into darkness. Shining blinked, making sure his eyes were actually open. They were. When that failed to provide fruit, the he waved his hoof before his face, eventually bringing it closer until he poked himself in the eye.
“Gah! Firkin’ dirk blast… Princess Luna? With all due respect, it is kinda dark in here.”
“Indeed it is. That’s the point, Shiny.” Her voice was… shifting. The tone changed as she was speaking, as did the inflection. Curious, the Stallion lit his horn with a light spell, and recoiled in horror.
What was before him now… He almost wanted to say it wasn’t Equine. It seemed to have been Princess Luna initially, but it had begun to shift into the Changeling Ambassador, and then into Cadance, seemingly skipping steps and taking shortcuts whenever it could. Still, it lasted only a moment, before the Princess of Love stood before him.
She lit a hundred candles around the room with a blink of her horn. As much as Shining wanted to protest otherwise, he recognized the room; Cadance’s boudoir. The very thought horrified him, and yet, something inside him finally broke. He simply sighed, and laid back on the bed.
“So… This is where this was always going, huh? Probably should’ve guessed.”
Cadance was grinning, that same damned predatory grin, and she approached him slowly, her hips slowly moving from side-to-side seductively. “Isn’t this romantic, Shiny? You, me, and a candlelit fuck… Doesn’t it excite you?” She stopped next to the bed, where his legs were hanging off, as he looked up at the ceiling. He’d just lie back, and get this over with. It couldn’t be that bad.
“You strike me as a family Stallion, Shiny. Well, we could start a family right here. I’m the Princess of Love, and I can induce heat, remember? Any… time… I… want.” As she spoke, she reached out between his legs, teasing out his- he grimaced. Just lie back and get it over with. It would be over soon. As she finished, she began punctuating her words with a stroke down his still-flaccid shaft.
“Shiny? Why aren’t you getting hard? You want this, so why are-”
“I don’t care anymore.” Shining stated bluntly, still staring at the ceiling. “Just do whatever you like. I’m sick of running, of fighting it, of having to be afraid of my old marefriend, of being afraid of exactly this happening, every moment of the day. I’m sorry I fought it this long. Have fun, Cadance. I never did.”
The concerned frown she had worn for a few seconds disappeared midway through his little speech, quickly replaced with an eager grin. She looked, for all the world, like a teenaged colt that had been given the keys to and told to watch an adult toy shoppe. She happily gave his tip a lick, and purred, “That’s wonderful, Shining. I’ll take care of everything. I love y-”
There was a hum, the exact frequency to set one’s teeth on edge, and then Cadance’s head exploded. A fine red mist filled the air, and her horn rocketed past, embedding itself in one of the bedposts. The rest of her body slumped onto the floor, though her new, stumpy neck was still squirting blood everywhere.
“‘Tis not how a courtship is meant to be pursued.”
Princess Luna fluttered down from above, gently alighting onto the carpet, and turned to face him with a wry grin. “And we doubt a millenia hast changed tradition so much. Thou art well, Captain?”
Shining waved his hoof. “Eh, I’m fine. A bit coated in Cadance, but I’m sure it’s what she would’ve wanted.”
Princess Luna nodded, and her horn glowed again. The blood seeping into everything, from Shining’s fur to the bedsheets, simply evaporated. The corpse itself followed suit, fading away into nothingness. She gave the room a once-over, and turned back to Shining. “So, Captain, wouldst thou please tell us what plagues thine mind? Mayhaps thou couldst explain thusly why this apparition sought to perform undesired acts of lust upon thee?”
Shining still hadn’t moved, and was simply staring at the ceiling. “What’s the point?”
Princess Luna was taken aback, to say the least. “We beg thine pardon?”
“What’s the point? You’re just going to try and butter me up to fuck me too, now that you’ve killed Cadance. Just get it over with.”
Princess Luna’s face twisted, angry, then confused, before finally settling on an expression of realization. "Captain, art thou aware that we reside concurrently within thine dreamscape? All our surroundings are but an illusion created by yon, save ourselves and thee."
Shining's ears twitched. "That... Actually would explain a lot. How do I know you're real? That I didn't just dream you up as well, to give myself a reprieve? Why would you be in my dream?"
Luna sighed, trudging around the bed. "Our sister spoke truly, then. Nopony today knows of our abilities, if the Captain of the Guard himself does not. Hast Tia ever spoken of our father?"
Shining rolled his head back and forth on the bed, in a negative manner. "No, but I'm not really that close to her."
Luna hopped on top the bed from the far side, but keeping a respectful distance from the estranged Stallion. "Mm. No, of course not. Our father, Mond, created a spell that would allow him to walk between the waking world and the sleeping one, and to allow him the powers of a god within that space - Which he dubbed henceforth the Dreamscape. Having thus gone mad with power, he put his entire kingdom to sleep, and began expanding outward. He was the ruler of a snoring country, and t’was how our mother found him.
"Mother entered his Dreamscape, and defeated Mond. After trapping him within his own Dreamscape, she kept going back, slowly reforming him and restoring his sanity. He proposed to her the day he came out of his five-year coma, and Our sister was born a year later."
At seeing Shining's eyes glazing over, she gave him a sharp poke. "We art going somewhere with our story, Captain. We wouldst appreciate thy attention!"
"Father revised his spell, limiting it, and swore to use it only for good, with Mother keeping a close eye on him. He entered pony's dreams again, this time dispelling the Nightmares he had created as consequence of his tyranny. When We became old enough and strong enough to use it responsibly, Father taught us it, and we joined him in his duties until he... Met his end. After which, we continued in his stead, 'til our corruption."
Shining rolled onto his stomach, his chin resting on his knees. "So, uh... How's that been going?"
Princess Luna shot him a chilling glare. "Considering the aforementioned corruption, not that well. We hath not returned to that particular duty yet; t’would be too soon, we fear, and ponies would panic. To assist thee wert not our decision, but that of our sister; she feared Princess Cadenza had traumatized thee. It worries us that her fears were justified."
"Well... Thanks anyway, Princess Luna." At seeing her smile, he continued. "Uh... What next? Surely you're not going to simply tell me to 'face my fears' or some such. I wouldn't even know where to start with Cadance."
"Mayhaps. Firstly, close thine eyes, Captain." He did so. "Listen to the sound of our voice.Allow it to put thee at ease, to allow thee relaxation. Now, think of a place. It can be any place 'pon Arcadia, or any place beyond it, so long as thou art comfortable and happy there. Envision it with thy mind's eye, and hold it."
"Now, open thine eyes."
Shining's eyelids slid open, and he took in the area around him. He had left Cadance's boudoir far behind, and he found himself now sitting on the solid wooden planks of a Gazebo. Beyond the Gazebo was a small meadow terminating in a cliff, but kept safe by a chest-high wooden fence. A picnic table sat under a Cherry Blossom tree nearby, and a small koi pond reflected moonlight from the full moon near the horizon.
"I... I recognize this place." He began. "My parents used to take me and Twiley up here for hikes, and to practice our magic! was loved this spot... I wonder if it's still here?" He turned to Luna, who was lying on the wooden planks. "How did you...?"
"We did not. T'was but thine own mind what brought thee here. Though we must commend thine parents; 'tis an excellent spot for stargazing. A change in scenery was necessary; We cannot imagine bedrooms have many positive connotations for thee now.”
Shining stood, looking around the meadow. “No. Not after that.” He gave a shiver, despite the warm breeze blowing through the Gazebo, and sat down again.
Princess Luna gave him a sad frown, and moved closer. “Whenever thou art prepared, Captain, please expound upon what ails thee.”
The Stallion looked down at the wooden floor of the Gazebo. “I feel.. like a piece of meat. Like a trophy instead of a Pony, and like every mare wants me for herself. I would’ve loved the attention as a teenager, but now… They just want to bed me, because they think I’d be a good husband. I can’t do my job, I can’t fulfill my duty, and my special talent is protecting others. I feel jaded. I can’t trust anypony anymore, so I can’t protect them. And if I can’t protect them… I don’t want to think about it.”
“Dost thou trust us?”
“I… Maybe. I’m not sure yet. You haven’t tried to seduce me yet, but you keep inching closer…” Princess Luna scooted backwards as though bitten, as a show of respect.
“Apologies. Most ponies prefer contact, to make them feel at ease.”
“It’s alright. I’m just… Not really letting anypony close. Maybe that’s my problem. Like the Ambassador today…”
“Ambassador?”
Shining blinked, replaying the day’s events in his head. “Yeah. Ambassador Chrysalis. She was trying to comfort me too, and I think…” Shining hid his head under his forehooves. “I think I bucked up.”
There was a sharp intake of breath, and he moved his hoof just barely enough to look at the Princess. Instead, he saw himself and Chrysalis on a couch in the center of the Gazebo, a still-life of the climax of his day. He was frozen in time, as was she, and it seemed to be just after he punched her in the jaw. Shining moved his hooves and stood up, walking a wide circle around the couch, and taking in every detail.
Luna stood on the other side, inspecting the event. Her expression was easily identifiable as shock. “‘Tis… ‘Tis also not how a healthy relationship is meant to be pursued, whether professional or personal. We had no idea…” She glared at him. “We hath no doubt in our mind thou hast an explanation?”
Shining sighed, stepping closer to the frozen Chrysalis, and looking away from Princess Luna. “More like a justification, really.” A drop of lime-green blood hung in midair, until Shining stepped into it by accident. It unfroze, spattering onto his cheek. He brought his hoof up, and tried to wipe it off. He only succeeded only in smearing it onto his frog. He noted, bitterly, it was the same one he had hit her with. “She was drugging me. I know that. But… She wasn’t doing it on purpose. It was just how she was trained.”
Luna stepped closer, standing next to his frozen self, and observed his locked expression of hurt, of anger, of confusion. Her own expression softened into sympathy. “We know better than any other Pony that choices made in the haze of anger tend to be incorrect. We made our decision, and stuck by it, and for that… We hath spent a millennia away from all that we adored.” She turned to the real Shining. “Thou hast made a decision, but the consequences of it have not yet been made material. ‘Tis not too late to change it.”
Shining looked into the tear-filled eyes of the frozen Changeling. “You think she’ll forgive me?”
Luna’s horn glowed, dispelling the illusion in the center of the Gazebo. “‘Tis a reason Honesty is one of the Elements of Harmony. We wouldst advise thee to take the lesson it teaches to heart; even if she does not, then thou shalt ken that thou didst all thou could. Thou shalt move on; lingering on loves and friends lost will only bring thee heartbreak.”
Shining nodded, looking at Luna. “You know, you’re actually really good at this.”
Princess Luna smiled, sitting down in one corner of the Gazebo. “We would hope so. ‘Twas our duty for nary two hundred years.” She paused. “We… We do miss it, somewhat. Perhaps we may yet return, circumstances willing and ponies forgiving.”
Sitting down next to her, Shining drew the Lunar Princess into a hug. She started slightly, before returning the hug, and looking out to the sky beyond the cliff face. The sky in question had begun to shift colours, from a starry, dark blue to a healthy red, the kind of colour one would see in an apple or a pony’s flushed cheeks.
The moment ended with Shining pulling away and rubbing the back of his head. “Uh… Sorry. Just.. thanks, you know? I didn’t really realize how bad this whole thing had messed me up, and you’re helping a lot.”
Luna glanced down at her hooves, looking sad, before brightening as she looked back at him. “Fear not, Captain. Thou hast been through enough already. But, what shalt be done by thee ‘pon the morn?”
“First thing tomorrow…” He paused, stretching and feeling his back crack. “I’m going to -errrk- go and apologize to Chrysalis, and then -ah!- go to Celestia, to politely decline the position. It was a nice idea, but Cadance isn’t going to get to me any-more.” He began looking around again. “So… Is there a door marked ‘exit’, or…?”
Smiling, Luna shook her head. “Nay. Hast thou ever felt thyself leaving a dream?”
“No, what do you-”
Chapter 3
...Much has been said of princess Celestia. Some cultures revere her as the reincarnation of their goddesses, while she plays the part of the devil a few others. It is true that she is immortal, or close enough to never age in our mortal eyes, but this only makes those around act as delicately as possible, for she will remember you for far longer than history itself shall.
She is good, and she is terrible, but all agree: she is very, very old. Nopony knows from whence she came, if she has any family, or even many friends. Perhaps this is what gives her the personality unique to her. She is reserved until she is not, she shows little emotion, and, according to most, she is always in control.
Equestria as a nation is built on this final fact: Princess Celestia is in control.
May we never see the day when this is not true…
-Excerpt from The Autobiography of Silver Kettle, 139th servant of Celestia
“Shiny… Wake up, Shiny… Can’t sleep all day, Shiny…”
Somepony was poking him. Felt like a hoof, sounded like Cadance. He was pretty sure he’d locked his door, too.
“Shinyyyyyy… Shiny, the woods are lovely dark, and deep… But get the fuck up.” Quite definitely Cadance. He made an annoyed grunting sound, and rolled over. When Cadance remained uncharacteristically silent, he cracked open an eye.
“Son of a bitch!” He hit the floor of his room with a thump, having flailed himself right off the bed upon finding Cadance’s face not a centimetre from his own. “How do you keep doing that?! And why?!”
The Alicorn in question shrugged. “You’re a really deep sleeper, you know that?”
Shining glared at the pink pony still in his bed. “Cadance. Why are you in my bed?”
In reply, she stretched her wings, then rolled over, completing the image with puppy-dog eyes. “I got so wonely duwing the night, then I remembered that my big, stwong Shining Armour was also vewy cuddwy. And also apparently a really deep sleeper that didn’t feel me curl up next to him.”
Still lying on the floor, Shining dead-panned, “You know, I had a dream last night where you were giving me a blowjob, and your head exploded.”
Cadance blinked. “Was it hot?”
Shining swallowed his answer, and turned to look at his door. His door which had clearly been in a terrible accident last night. “Cadance, what did you do to my door?”
“It was locked.”
Shining poked the now-solidified puddle of brass that had bonded with the carpet. Thankfully, it had flattened enough that it allowed the door to close. “So you slagged my doorknob? What happened to the door itself? How’d it get burned?”
“Meh. Turns out molten brass enough to melt paint, then light the door and the carpet on fire. I put it out before it got out of control, don’t worry.”
Shining was in the process of inspecting his now-ruined door, when a blue glow surrounded it, slamming it shut roughly a centimetre from his nose. He regarded the charred surface with caution, without turning in the slightest. “Yes? What do you want now?”
The sound of the bedsprings squeaking was followed by Cadance’s voice taking on a deadly tone just behind him. “I thought I should warn you, Shiny. See, a little blue birdy told me that you met my current project last night.” The blue glow surrounded his head this time, yanking it around to face her. “Stay away from her, Shiny. She’s dangerous. She’s had to kill, you know.”
“Yes, because she’s been living out in the eastern wastes for Celestia-knows-how-long. I’ve been out in the wasteland, Cadance. I know how dangerous it is out there. She’s adapting, I can see that. And, thinking back on it, she was being honest as well.”
“She’s going to corrupt you! I know she’s up to no good! And she’s going to steal you away from-”
“From you?” Shining stated simply. “See… It’s been a while since we were dating, Cadance. And I’ve moved on.”
“Lies.” She squeaked.
“So, what I’m going to do now, mainly to try and get it to stick in there that we’re not in a relationship anymore , is I’m going to go back there and accept the offer of being her Lord Protector.” Shining said, moving towards the door. “Because, funny thing, she’s actually being more trustworthy and more pleasant to be around in general than you have been since high school. Goodbye, Cadance.” He tried to shut the door, but it just creaked open again, what with the doorknob having melted and everything.
He had barely made it two steps away from the door before it slammed open, and Cadance shot out as though launched from a cannon. Shining, anticipating this, already had a shield in place that she smacked against, sliding down it like a bird that had hit a window.
“She’s dangerous…” She croaked.
Still walking, Shining said over his shoulder, “Yes, she is. But you’re even more so.”
* * *
Shining was stopped both frustratingly close, yet depressingly soon. Jekyll and Hyde, the two Changeling guards outside Chrysalis’ door, would simply not let him enter again. THey had even shifted into a pair of Diamond Dogs, armoured and guarded with spears, in an attempt to deter him.
Honestly, he couldn’t really blame them.
Still, he gave them an appraising look, sizing them up should they actually take arms against him, and asked, “Please let me in?”
They both shook their canine heads, and Shining muttered to himself, “No, no, of course that wouldn’t work either…” Stymied, he just sat down on the floor right in front of them. He hadn’t had time since waking up to put his uniform on, and so he was basically just sitting out there, naked.
If anything, this seemed to confuse them. They both looked at each other, before returning their gaze to him. The one on the left shifted back into a Changeling, and cleared his throat before speaking. “Mother wishes to know why you have returned.”
Shining sighed, turning his eyes toward the carpet. “Oh. Right. Her jaw’s probably still… Sorry.” There was a pause, before he continued. “That’s… That’s a lot of it, actually. I mainly just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking, and I fucked up. I fucked up bad, and I wanted to apologize to her face, before… Before seeing if she’ll still have me as a Lord Protector, as terrible at it as I’d be.”
The other Changeling, still Diamond Dog-shaped, growled. “Not broken. Healed, with love from hive. From us.”
Shining’s gaze didn’t shift. “Oh. Well, that’s good. Still… Sorry.”
There was some nearly-imperceptible shift, some way the guards moved at the same time, and then the one on the right shifted back into a Changeling. As one, they said, “Mother will see you now.” and stood aside.
Blinking, Shining stood. “O...kay?”
The guard on the left moved to open the door, while the other put a hoof between it and Shining. “Mother trusts you. I do not. Harm Mother again, and we shall forcibly eject you.”
"Through a window." Added the first guard.
Shining nodded cautiously. Satisfied, they opened the door, and Shining entered Chrysalis’ quarters for the second time in as many days. The main room had changed little in his absence, with the glaring exception of the table, which was simply buried underneath a massive pile of mail. The other change was the fuchsia unicorn mare sitting on the other couch, with Chrysalis herself sitting in more-or-less the same spot as she had been yesterday, when he… The mare looked at him curiously, the story she had been telling Chrysalis faltering for a moment.
Shining coughed, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. They were both staring at him. Chrysalis coughed, turning back to the mare. “I’m terribly sorry, but something’s come up. Do you mind finishing the story later?”
The mare smiled. “Not at all. Heh. I can’t wait to tell you what Amani said.” Chrysalis nodded at Shining. ‘You have our attention, Captain.”
Shining coughed awkwardly. “Er… Yes. Do you mind there being a civilian here, or…?”
Chrysalis blinked before turning back to the mare. “Oh! Where are our manners? 291, do you mind?” The mare shook her head, and erupted into green flame, much to Shining’s shock. The Ambassador waved her hoof at the newly-undisguised Changeling. “Captain Armour, meet one of my daughters and the Golden Cat’s resident Changeling…”
Shining blushed as the implication mentally registered.
“...291, also known as…” She paused. “291, have you picked a pony name yet?”
The insectoid mare buzzed her wings, reveling in the feeling of having them back, before realizing Chrysalis had asked her a question. “Hm? Oh! Uh, no, not as yet. Everypony’s gotten used to calling me 291, anyway.”
The Ambassador shrugged. “291 it is, then. That being said, I believe the Captain may have a point. Do you mind stepping out for a moment?”
While the former Hive Queen’s eyes were cat-like, with narrow, sharp, but clearly-defined pupils, the younger Changeling’s eyes were compound: multifaceted, yet with eyelids that snapped down for a nanosecond at a time. It was for this reason that Shining couldn’t tell where 291 was looking as she replied—yet he couldn’t shake the feeling that her gaze was darting between him and Chrysalis, carefully mentally debating whether she wanted to leave her Queen in the company of this stranger.
“Not at all,” she replied, with no small amount of fake cheer. “I’ll just go out and chat with Jekyll and Hyde. See if there’s any breaking news .”
Chrysalis frowned at the emphasis on the end of her sentence, but it passed without comment. The Mare trotted out, and the door shut behind her. The Ambassador watched her go, and sighed. “Ah, 291. Her clutch was one of the most tenacious I’ve seen in many generations… It is a pity she, Jekyll, and Hyde are its last remnants.” Her eyes caught Shining still standing ramrod-straight, and she smirked. “You may sit down if you so wish, Captain.”
Said Captain shuffled his hooves. “If it’s all the same to you, Ambassador, I’d rather not. All my military training is telling me not to relax in here.”
Chrysalis nodded. “Of course. Because, I’m sure, of what happened when I last tried to get you to relax.”
At this, Shining cringed. “Yeah… How is it? You look better, you can talk…”
He trailed off. Chrysalis didn’t respond immediately, resulting in a silence neither was completely comfortable with. In that silence, she levitated a brown paper package, which had already been opened, out from under the table. She drew another lock-lid jar out from the ragged top, this time full of milky-white liquid, drawing Shining’s attention as well in the process.
“Changelings heal impressively fast, Hive Queens especially so. If it is any consolation, Captain, I would have needed to sustain excessively more damage than you could ever do with your bare hooves to even come close to inconveniencing me for any length of time.” Holding up and inspecting the jar, she continued, “Combined with plenty of love from my children, the physical damage was negligible.”
“Mentally?” She said, opening the lid. “I was shaken. Those of my children who had not yet been disconnected from the hive-mind, which is to say, most of them, felt the pain of the strike. You, Captain Armour, sent out a ripple, like a drop in a puddle.”
Her tongue shot out, and scooped a dollop of white goo into her mouth. She smacked her lips with a ghost of a smile, before snapping the lid closed. “So. I shouldn’t have to tell you that my hive is nervous. A good deal of them believe I should have never let you back in; you saw a bit of that outside my door. But none of them can do what I shall do.” Setting the jar down on the table, she looked Shining Armour straight in the eyes.
“Captain Shining Armour… I apologize.”
Ignoring his expression of surprise, she trudged onward. “I should, by now, have better control of my instincts. I did not. So, I accept full responsibility for what happened here yesterday.”
Shining finally remembered how to open his mouth, and spluttered, “You… You don’t have to do that!”
“Don’t I?” The Changeling looked towards the floor, crossing her forelegs in front of her. “Captain, had I actually been attempting to control your mind, you would be receiving a medal now.”
“But… I hit you… I over-”
“You reacted exactly as you had been trained. There is nothing wrong with that.”
Shaking his head, Shining stated, “There’s everything wrong with that! Look, we were both at fault. Neither of us reacted particularly well, and I’m just as sorry as you are. I just didn’t understand.” He trotted around the table, sitting down on the couch beside her. Interestingly, they both took the same places as they had last night.
“Ambas- No, hang on, sod the titles. Chrysalis.” She looked up at him, her eyes wide. “Chrysalis, I’m perfectly willing to forget last night. I haven’t told anypony, and we’re clearly both sorry about it. What do you say… What if we just started over?”
At Chrysalis’ head tilt, he continued. “Ma’am, I misjudged you. Now that I know you, and now that we’re being honest… I’d be honoured to serve as your Lord Protector.”
The Changeling snickered, just a little bit. “That’s still an option?”
“Of course it is. Like I said, I didn’t tell anypony. Weeell, maybe Princess Luna, but she helped me think about this. At no point in the interim did I decline the offer.”
“Well, then…” Chrysalis said, awkwardly. “Uh… Good to have you here, Captain.” Half-heartedly, she stuck out her hoof, and Shining shook it.
Shining glanced around the room, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Now, that being said… Do you mind terribly if I sort of… set up here? My room has been somewhat compromised by a certain Alicorn with no concept of trespassing, and I don't really feel safe there any more."
A chitinous eyebrow rose. "Now I'm curious. What'd she do?"
"She decided that 'locked door' meant 'please melt my lock and cuddle with me while I'm asleep."
"Creepy." Chrysalis motioned around the room. "In that case, make yourself at home. I'd offer my own bed, to be polite, but the less said of that, the better. Perhaps the couch? Of course, I've no reservations should you instead desire the floor."
Chuckling, Shining shook his head. "No thanks, the couch is fine. And, uh... I hate to impose, but I do have some possessions I'd like to-"
Chrysalis smirked. "Yes, you can keep your stuff in here too. It's not like I'm using the space, eh? Just no furniture."
"Not a problem. It's all standard-issue military shelving, nothing I'd want to keep. I assume you'll be fine without a Lord Protector for about ten minutes?" Shining stood, trotting to the door, as he asked the Changeling.
She threw a glance around the room, and said in mock terror, "Oh no, how, oh how shall I defend myself against the terrible wall-paper?"
Pulling the handle down with a smirk and a glow of his horn, Shining backed out of the room. "Careful not to stare at it too long; they take it as a challenge!" He shut the door as Chrysalis giggled, and turned back around. "What."
Staring (he would even go so far as to say 'gawking') at him was a perfect copy of the mare he had just left back in the room, and another copy of himself standing just behind her. Beside them was an unarmoured Changeling, whom he was fairly sure to be 291. Needless to say, it didn't take long to put four and four together.
"Oh." He said, quickly acheiving eight. "That's... Huh."
Now that he looked closer, he realized something: the Chrysalis out here was indistinguishable from the one inside the room, but the copy of him seemed... Off. He strongly suspected, with the over-exaggerated muscles and the stronger chin line, that the shapeshifter was parodying him. Or trying to flatter him.
"Brah," other-him said, in an accent one would expect to find on a Coltafornian beach, "You totes brahs with mamma now?"
"Er... Sure, I suppose... I don't actually sound like that, do I?"
"Nah, Brah. Just a drop, dig?"
"Okay, then... Thanks," he paused, before realizing he had no chance of determining which was which. He had a fifty-fifty chance, however, and he liked those odds. "...Jekyll?"
"Brah. I'm Hyde."
Shining pouted. "Well, sorry. You all look-" It was at this point his mind caught up with his mouth, and he elected instead to drop into a sudden cough.
"Pardon?" Other-Chrysalis asked, tilting her head at him. "Did you say something, Captain?"
“Nope. Definitely wasn’t about to insult your entire species.”
“Ah. Alright then.” Other Chrysalis smiled at him in a way that said, “I know exactly what you were about to say. Asshat.”
Shining grinned a very fake grin, and began edging his way down the corridor. “I’ll just… uh… go get my stuff. Yes. Going to do that now.”
The pair of Changeling guards watched him leave, before shifting back into their normal appearance. 291 tilted her head at them. “Well, thanks for eavesdropping for me. Was that really necessary, though?”
Within the Hive-mind, Mother asked the same question. Jekyll and Hyde communicated, debating and reasoning, before reaching a consensus. They turned back to 291. “Yes.”
Through the connection, Mother sighed. “Just go easy on him, alright? He may help us get some of the legislation through.”
“And,” the guards returned, “You are hoping that he will help breed a new clutch.”
Chrysalis didn’t respond immediately. When she did, it was weaker than most of her prior pulses. “...Perhaps. We suffered great losses on the way here, and you are all sterile. I hope to find a solution for that, but in case we need a back-up plan…” She paused. “Regardless. I do not expect it shall be for quite a while, and we are safe here. When- IF it is done… It shall be done willingly. Not like before.”
“Not like before.” The linked Changelings echoed.
“Then we are in agreement. Trust the Captain. He is our friend.” Throughout the Hive-mind, throughout the city, consensus was reached.
Trust the Captain.
* * *
Said Captain trotted quietly and cautiously into the barracks, peeking around the corner at his door. It was still burnt, and Flash was glancing between it and something in his hoof. Relieved, he turned the corner. “Flash? Whatcha need?”
The yellow stallion jerked around to face Shining, shoving whatever it was he was holding into a pouch of his coat. “Shining! Hey, buddy, what happened to your door? And why aren’t you in your uniform?”
Shining shrugged. “Same as yesterday: crazy-ass ex-marefriend. Decided that she needed to melt the lock on my door because she got lonely during the night.”
Nosing it open for him, Flash grimaced. “Eesh. That must have been fun to wake up to.”
“You have no idea…” Muttered Shining as he took stock of his room. He was sure he’d had his dad’s old steamer trunk around here somewhere… Oh, right. He was using it as a table. Shoving a pile of MRE packets off and into a rubbish bin, he brushed off the lid, and popped it open. Empty, excellent. He moved to the dresser off in a corner, and started packing his uniforms.
“You, uh, going on a trip, Shining?” Flash asked uneasily.
Waving away the stench of mothballs, Shining levitated his old armour into the trunk. This was followed by sliding his broadsword into a spare sheath, and belting it around himself. “Just moving out.”
“Where to? What brought this on all of a sudden?”
His helmet thudded into the trunk atop the armour. “Chrysalis has diplomatic immunity, meaning she can ban Cadance from her quarters if she tries anything. At worst, I should only have to deal with her one more time, and after that only at official functions.” He moved to the bed, and shoved the blanket and pillow into the trunk.
“What’s her opinion on this?” Asked Flash.
“I don’t need her opinion,” replied Shining. “I don’t need to run every stars-damned thing past her, because we’re not in a relationship. ”He stomped the blanket into the trunk just a tad harder than he probably needed to.
Flash took a cautious step back. “Alright, alright. I get that. But she’s going to respond to this. You realize that, right?”
The contents of a short bookshelf had a belt wrapped around them and tightened, before the solid stack was packed into the crate. “I realize that, yeah. But it’s none of her business.” He didn’t have another belt for the second bookshelf, and he began to simply slot the books into place in the trunk.
Flash passed him a lamp which may or may not have been in the room before Shining began living in it. “Well, if she’s crazy enough, she’s going to make it her business. What’s the plan then?”
Shining turned away to pull his old Oubliettes and Ogres books out of a drawer. Flash picked up one of the books already in the trunk, and when Shining turned to put a game book in, Flash put the novel in the drawer. Shining turned, picking up another game book, and Flash pulled another from the trunk. “Grin and bear it. It’ll be the last time she has one of her little freak-outs, after that I’m scot free.”
Flash added another book for every one Shining took out. He removed the last game book, and picked up the first novel Flash had added. “Didn’t I just… Nah, must be stress…”
Flash added another book. “You know what you need? A break. A vacation. I hear Trottingham’s nice this time of year, and if you wanna go tropical, it’s summer in Kalamintaurata!”
“I can’t just go on vacation, Flash, I’m Captain of the…” He trailed off as Flash moved just a little bit too quickly, adding a book to the end of the row right in front of him. The pegasus blinked, then grinned at him nervously. With a snort, Shining levitated all the books out of the drawer and into the trunk. “Captain of the Guard. Remember that? Big ceremony yesterday, party afterward, ring any bells?”
“I remember, I just don’t think it was a good idea. You’ve got a lotta shit on your plate, and it’s exactly the kind you don’t wanna eat but somepony’s holding a knife to your throat and telling you to anyway.”
Shining paused, just before he shut his trunk. “...What?”
Flash shook his head. “Sorry, that one got away from me a little bit. You got the general message, right?”
The trunk shut with a thump, and the lock clicked into place. “I get it. And what you’re suggesting is that I grab the plate and smack it in the pony’s muzzle, then run off. All I’m trying to do is eat a part of it that makes it so I can freely eat whatever I want, whenever I want.”
Flash mulled that over as Shining did a final check around the room. “Wait, so… Are you eating the plate itself in this analogy, or…?”
Satisfied, Shining gave the trunk a push, and it slid out his door with a bump over the puddle of brass still in the doorway. “I think the analogy’s broken down completely at this point. Let’s just leave it at, ‘I’ve got a plan that isn’t going to be fun or easy, but will probably work.’.” He stopped in the doorway, and Flash bumped his muzzle into Shining’s rear by accident. “Well, depending on how crazy she is. It probably won’t work if she snaps completely and murders us both.”
“Agreed,” Flash muttered, holding his muzzle. “Double homicide by ex-girlfriend should be avoided.” He followed Shining out of the room fully, and Shining shut the door as much as he could. “Listen, Shining, you gotta remember you got buddies, alright? Me, and the rest of the old squad, and certainly a few more. You ever need help, you just ask, and you’ll have about two dozen ponies jumping at the bit to kick anything’s arse.”
Shining chuckled, dropping his room’s now-useless key into an envelope, and that envelope into the janitor’s mailbox. “Thanks, Flash. If there’s ever call for ponies I can trust, I’ll go straight to you.”
Flash glanced around. “So, where you heading next?”
“Back upstairs, like I said. And, before you offer, I’m not gonna let you and hollow bones even try to lug this bastard up. I’ve got a horn, and this time I’m not carrying anything sharp.”
“No, just blunt and heavy.” Flash dead-panned.
“Well, then it suits me perfectly. How about you? Where are you going?” He set the trunk down as they left the barracks and came to an intersection of corridors. “Back to the Overseer’s quarters?”
“You know, legally speaking, you shouldn’t know that exists.” Flash chuckled.
“Well, legally speaking, I shouldn’t be talking to you at all. But sod that.”
Stretching his wings, Flash shrugged. “Seriously, dude, good luck. And learn to ask for help sometimes, huh? You’re not out playing monster hunter with your baby sis anymore.” He paused. “Say… How old is your sister, again?”
Shining clapped a hoof on his back, snickering. “Ah, knock it off, ya choffer. I got an ex to piss off.”
“Alright, alright. Seeya, man.” Flash bounced into the air and spread his wings, gliding down the hall and drifting around a corner. Shining turned back to the trunk and the stairs. Which seemed to be a fair bit taller than he recalled. Sighing, he picked up the trunk and began to pull it upstairs.
* * *
The shouting was the first thing he noticed when he returned to the apartments. A mare was clearly livid with anger, but he couldn’t place the voice, nor distinguish the words. He also realised that Jekyll, Hyde, and 291 were no longer standing outside the Ambassador’s room.
It clicked. “Oh buck me.”
The trunk was left at the top of the stairs as he galloped to Chrysalis’ door, and he arrived just as the shouting seemed to come to a head. “Where is he!? What have you done with Shiny!? ”
Shining took in the scene from the door. From what he could tell, 291 had re-entered the room after he left, and then Cadance had arrived—distressingly, with Princess Celestia in tow. The taller Alicorn seemed to be standing off to the side of Cadance slightly, as if not quite sure whether to stop her or side with her. Thankfully, Chrysalis’ door was unmarked, so that meant she had willingly let them in without a struggle, but Cadance was loudly and clearly making herself a problem now.
Jekyll and Hyde had retreated into the room, standing guard on either side of Chrysalis, and a redisguised 291 standing between her and Cadance. The pink Alicorn was in a spell-casting stance, but with her horn unlit, making a threat without making herself appear too dangerous. Shining knew better, of course, as Cadance was strongly gifted in Spellsongs; even the right tone could invite disaster if she were the one to hum it.
Chrysalis spotted him standing in the doorway, and her expression turned grateful. “Look, Doctor Cadenza, he’s right-”
“DId you eat him?!”
This was followed by a few seconds of stunned silence. It was finally broken by Shining’s singular, “What.”
Cadance whirled around and launched herself at him, tackling him in a hug despite his struggling. "Shiny! I'm so glad she didn't eat-"
"Get off me, dammit!" This didn't deter the madmare in the slightest, and Shining could only stay standing for another moment before collapsing onto the carpet with a thump . Even this didn't dislodge her, until she saw the trunk at the top of the stairs.
“Shiny? What is that?”
Shining finally managed to shove her away. “That’s all of my stuff, Cadance. I’m moving to someplace where you can’t melt the lock and get in.” In the corner of his eye, he saw Princess Celestia quirk an eyebrow at that.
Cadance’s eyes widened in terror. “Surely, you’re not…”
Shining nodded.
In a flash, Cadance had bolted back into the room, slipping on the carpet and sliding to a stop at Princess Celestia’s hooves. “Celestia! She has to be mind-controlling him, she has to be! I warned him! I warned him that this would happen! Scan him!”
Celestia took a step backward diplomatically, stating, “Cadenza, please calm down. I have long suspected you are not mentally well, and these accusations-”
“Scan him!”
The Princess sighed, before her horn ignited with a golden glow, quickly followed by her eyes. It reminded him of bright sunlight. The same aura surrounded his own hooves, and began moving upward, the ethereal pressure tickling occasionally. It moved to the tip of his horn without incident, and Princess Celestia turned back to Cadance.
“Cadenza, there is no veil over his thoughts. He is, as they say, clean. Now will you listen to me?” When the other Alicorn failed to respond, simply staring at Shining with her mouth hanging wide open, Celestia moved closer. Moving her head directly into Cadenza’s line of sight, she spoke again. “Cadenza-”
“Pheromones! It must be pheromones! She’s controlling everypony with-”
“Doctor Mi Amore Cadenza!” Celestia’s shout echoed in the ensuing silence. She moved to the nearby couch, sat down politely, and put a hoof to her temple. Cadance had retreated into a corner of the apartment, curled into the fetal position in fear. Despite that, she still had enough fight left over to try and speak again. “Celest-”
“I did not enjoy doing that, you know. Damn this headache… So cease thy blithering and listen.” Her gaze was focused into a glare, one that fell only on Cadance. “What is thine endgame, Cadenza? What art thou working towards? I hath puzzled over this since thine incident and have no answer yet. Perhaps thou canst provide an answer.”
Cadance’s determination, even now, was admirable. She was still defying Princess Celestia, even after she had been nearly shouted into submission. “I’m not… I won’t tell you… F-Furthermore, I’d like to file a royal restraining order between Shiny and my test subj-”
“Denied. Honestly, Cadenza, whatever made thee think t’would work?” Celestia’s horn glowed again as she took a deep breath, and all trace of old Equuish disappeared from her vocabulary. A glass of water, in the kitchen, filled itself from the sink and floated to Princess Celestia, who drank it slowly and carefully, despite the fact it was boiling hot. She set the now-empty glass on the table, and closed her eyes.
Every pony and Changeling in the room watched her carefully. “Ambassador Chrysalis,” she began, clearly pained. “I would like to apologize for my adopted niece’s actions. I would also like to remind you that you have full diplomatic power, which gives you the ability to remove, permanently, any pony or ponies you desire from your embassy.” Her eyes snapped open. The fire had not yet dispersed.
“Doctor Cadenza. I had not realised your mental state was still so fragile. Clearly, I…” She paused, gritting her teeth. “I failed, when I attempted to act as your therapist. I will not make such a mistake again, and will have you placed under the care of a professional this time.”
“That being said,” Cadance’s ears perked up. “I do like your idea of a Royal Restraining Order. Doctor Cadenza Mi Amore, you are hereby required by the decree of myself, High Overseer-Princess Celestia of Equestria, to keep a distance of at least fifty metres from Captain Shining Armour of the Night Light house at all times. I’ll have Raven draw fill out the official documentation at her earliest convenience, but consider the ruling in full effect from this point forward.”
As Cadance’s ears flopped down and her shocked expression froze on her face, Princess Celestia turned to Chrysalis. “I should have done that at the first hint of trouble. Ambassador, I apologize for the inconvenience.” The Changeling Hive Queen gave her wings a buzz.
Princess Celestia completed a circle, turning back around to Cadance. “Doctor Cadenza.”
“Oh, what now?” Cadance replied with a snarl.
“Does any of the research you are currently doing explicitly require a Changeling Queen?”
“I… I suppose not, but why-”
“Then I’m pulling Chrysalis from the project, to minimize possible contact between you and Captain Shining Armour and prevent a possible conflict of interest. I shall be speaking with both of you to work out replacement test subjects. Volunteers only, I should think, and all the tests will be watched over by my personal guard.”
In the doorway, Shining simply blinked in shock. He’d been expecting this, to be sure, but he had by no means prepared for it, mentally or physically. His eyes caught Chrysalis, who smiled at him happily before approaching. “Chrysalis?”
“Captain Armour,” she stated, trying her best to respectfully mimic Princess Celestia’s tone. “The Changeling Embassy and its associated hive offer you protection and sanctuary at any time you should need it. Doctor Cadenza is to prohibited from entry.” She tilted her head at the mare in question. “I’ll give you ten seconds, and then you are legally trespassing, and have full authority to remove you from the premises.”
Princess Celestia nodded. “Your advisors taught you well in Equestrian law, I see. Though you could use refinement.”
“Thank you, Princess Celestia.” She turned to Cadance. “Doctor? Five seconds.”
Cadance blinked, tried to scramble to the door, and tripped over her own hooves. Chrysalis clucked her tongue. “Good effort, I’ll grant you that. Jekyll, Hyde, please escort the good Doctor back to her laboratory.” As they approached, she leaned in close and whispered, “Be gentle.”
Picking her up with their combined magical strength, they levitated her out the door and began marching her down the hall. As they passed Shining, Cadance tried to reach out to him. Whether for aid, or for comfort, only she knew. Shining leaned back as she passed, putting as much distance as he could between them. In moments, she had been ‘escorted’ down the corridor.
Celestia was still inside the apartment, and Chrysalis gently led Shining inside with her. Sitting down on the couch, in nearly the same locations as before, Shining didn’t seem like he would be able to sit up by himself. Chrysalis allowed him to slump over onto her shoulder, wrapping a hoof around him and gently turning him to face the Princess.
That same Princess sighed, looking sadly out the door. “As one student grows greater, another falls behind… Why does history repeat itself?”
“Celestia?” Chrysalis asked.
“Pay me no mind, Ambassador. Merely reminiscing. Now, I am aware I apologized earlier, but I feel I must apologize again.”
Shining weakly blinked. “Twice to her?”
The Princess pulled out one of the stools from beneath the passe-plat, brushed it off with a wave of magic, and sat down on it. “Nay. To both of you. I manipulated both of you into this, and it backfired horrendously. Primarily you, Captain, but the Ambassador played a part in my plans as well.” She sighed, and took her tiara off with her hoof, setting it on the marble counter. “I did not believe you a good influence on her, Captain. Through no fault of your own, I assure you, but it seems any contact between you two worsens her mental stability.”
Shining’s eyebrow rose. “So… Removing me from the equation entirely…”
“Was meant to be my solution, yes. I did not anticipate this, however, and was not prepared for it. I can fully reimburse both of you for your troubles, if you like.”
Shining chuckled weakly, still resting on Chrysalis’ shoulder. “No thanks. Just need a bit of a break. Now that we don’t have to worry about her pestering us, we should be alright.” His eyes turned to the Ambassador. “You’re good too, right?”
The Changeling nodded, running a hoof through the stallion’s mane. “It does simplify things a bit. Now, we still don’t know each other well, so… Would you like to get dinner later?”
Shining returned her nod. “Later. Really tired now for some reason.”
Princess Celestia smiled sheepishly. “That may be the fault of my sister. A side effect of her dream-walking is that the dreamer is essentially awake whenever she interacts directly with them. I’d recommend some sleep, since you have the rest of the day off. I’ll leave you two to it.” She stood, replacing her tiara, and slid the stool back into place. “Good day, Captain. I’ll debrief you and Twilight ‘pon the morn to-morrow.”
As she left and shut the door behind her, a still-disguised 291 poked her head out of the ice-box. “Ah, good, coast is clear. How’d it go? I can’t hear anything in there.”
Chrysalis snorted. “And here I was praising you earlier. What in the name of the Overmind were you doing in my ice-box?”
The fuchsia-coloured mare tumbled out of the ice-box, rolling to her hooves. “Hiding in case things went south, so I could backstab either Celestia or the Doc, whoever seemed to be a bigger problem. I’m not going to charge right at an Alicorn; after all, I’m not suicidal.”
Shining nodded weakly. “Good strategy.” He stared at her for a few seconds after saying as such, which made 291 slightly uncomfortable.
“Uh… Captain?”
“You look different.” He stated simply. “Not sure how.”
Glancing at Chrysalis prompted the Queen to snicker. “291, you’ve forgotten your disguise’s horn.”
“Oh!” The mare chuckled, and a horn only a few shades darker than her fur seemed to burn itself into existence on her forehead. “Heh. Went for a quick disguise, not a thorough one.” She tilted her head at Chrysalis and Shining, with the latter leaning heavily on the former. “You know what, I think I should probably go as well. You need anything else, Mom?”
Chrysalis hummed to herself. “Have you, by any chance, seen 342? He seemed to have disconnected a few days ago, and I can’t contact him anymore. I hope he hasn’t been killed…” Her gaze dropped to the floor, and 291 was at her side in an instant, hugging her.
“Hey, hey, it’s alright. Canterlot’s a civilized city, and we’re safer here than we ever were in the wastes. I’m sure he’s just… somewhere. I’ll help search. Where was he when he disconnected?”
Eagerly accepting the hug, Chrysalis muttered, “He was around the airfields for some reason. He was following this strange humming sound one moment, and then he was just gone.”
“Airfields. Zeppelin or Aeroplane?”
“Zeppelin, far corner from the gate.”’
“Got it.” 291 pulled away, and smiled at the both of them. “I’ll search around, see if anypony’s seen him. 342’s… Well, he’s a little wacky, but he should be alright.”
Chrysalis sighed. “I hope so. Thank you, 291. We need to keep each other safe.”
“Agreed,” said the mare. “Seeya next week, Mom.” With a final wave, she moved to the door, cracking it open and peeking out before exiting into the corridor. The sound of a conversation filtered into the room before the door shut, leaving Shining and Chrysalis alone in the quiet room.
Shining welcomed it, after all that had happened. The couch was soft against his fur, with the air inside the room gradually cooling down after Princess Celestia had left. Chrysalis’ foreleg was still wrapped around him, and both and her shoulder were pleasantly warm. A pinprick of fear needled at him, but this time, he forced it down. To Tartarus if she was trying to control his mind, whether intentional or no; she was doing it nicely enough that it didn’t matter.
He was so comfortable, in fact, that he didn’t realize until a few seconds after the fact that Chrysalis had said something. He was too preoccupied with the sensation of her having done so while he was leaning against her, which felt like something between a buzz and a rumble.
“Hm? Sorry, could you…?”
She made a buzzing giggle and sighed. “I’ve wanted to tell Dr. Cadenza off like that for a while. She was never very nice when we doing her tests.”
Shining humph ed. “Well, whenever she was around me, she was trying, and failing, to seduce me. So I wouldn’t know.”
Tapping her chin, Chrysalis muttered, “Perhaps she has a hormonal problem…? Hers were all over the place…”
“Well, I can’t imagine inducing heat in herself to try and seduce me was a very smart idea.”
Chrysalis looked at him, shocked. “She did that? Why?”
Shining shifted, getting more comfortable on the couch. “She was desperate.” After a pause, he sighed. “This is gonna be fun to explain tonight.”
“Tonight?” Her ear… frill… things, perked up.
“Oh, yeah,” He chuckled mirthlessly. “Remembered I have dinner with my folks tonight. Big fancy thing to celebrate my promotion. Now, I have to also explain why I have a restraining order against my old mare-friend. Least it takes care of where you and I should have dinner together.” He glanced at her. “If… That’s alright with you, of course.”
Chrysalis leaned back against the couch, and Shining moved with her. “That sounds wonderful, Captain, don’t worry.”
Shining, for the first time in a long time, actually felt good. To-morrow he’d have to put his uniform on, and the sword that was weighted all wrong for him, and he’d have to fill out the mountain of paperwork that had, he was sure, built up during the week that there wasn’t a Captain of the Guard. But as he’d always said as a colt, that was future Shining’s problem. Present Shining no longer had the pink menace hounding his every step. Present Shining had made a new friend. And Present Shining was happy.
And, much to present Chrysalis’ surprise, present Shining fell asleep on her shoulder. She looked at him, listened to his gentle snoring, told Jekyll and Hyde to wake them up at three o’clock, and then leaned back, gradually falling asleep herself.
* * *
The Royal Palace was not known for its Biology lab. In fact, if asked, very few ponies (those that weren’t janitors, high-ranking guards, or princesses) would even know of its existence. Its entrance was an otherwise unremarkable wooden door in a rarely-used corner of the castle’s sub-level, which hid a proper steel door overlaid with a sterilization spell. This door was airtight, blast-proof, and the lock was unpickable. Only a single key existed—though Celestia, by dint of not knowing the lock had been changed, believed she had another—and this single key was kept on Doctor Cadenza’s person at all times.
Stepping inside the room, anypony would have begun blinking in the markedly different lighting—going from bio-lanterns to long fluorescent lights—before looking around at the massive, barely-organized laboratory. Long metal tables stretched across the room, two tables wide and eight tables long, giving it the appearance of a rib cage covered in half-finished tests. It was a laboratory designed to be staffed by dozens, with Doctor Cadenza watching from her office above, at the end of the room and at the height of a second floor. The side of the office facing the rest of the lab was a full-length window, which could be made one-way with a simple spell.
Yet, the entirety of the laboratory was devoid of any life. None of the lights were on, save a single one so any ponies that wanted to enter the lab could navigate. All of the absolutely essential machines were shoved to the side, running quietly and unobtrusively. It was completely deserted, lacking only the dust covers that would have been the final nail in the coffin of the barely-used laboratory.
Thus, when the maroon-cushioned office chair was ejected out of the wall-length office window along with a shower of glass and an inequine howl of anguish, nothing of value was lost. With the possible exception of the office chair itself.
Doctor Cadenza stood in the shattered frame of the window, hyperventilating as the susurration of the glass ‘plink-plink ’ing onto the tiled floor below echoed around the room. Her horn flared with a blinding glow, and a wax cylinder player (With one of Sapphire Shore’s infamous hits loaded in) was catapulted through one of the larger sections of glass that had survived the first object.
It did not survive the second.
The freed components of the wax cylinder player bounced between the tables. “You don’t tell me who to love”, #3 on Equestria’s top Pop list last year, stubbornly remained intact, rolling underneath the remains of the rolling chair.
With a growl, Cadance spun, facing her office again. A gift-wrapped box two metres tall, a present from her new therapist, had been left in front of her desk. For a single moment, curiosity overtook rage, and she tore the lid off before levitating the contents out. Said contents consisted of a teddy bear larger than she was sitting down, with a comically-small note attached: “See you next Tuesday! -Soothing Voice”.
Cadance’s vision went red, and the bear was dumped back into the box. The lid clapped back on, and the whole box lifted above her head. Cadance’s magic surrounded the entire present, and she began to squeeze, the magic’s brightness growing in intensity. With a sound like crumpling cardboard, the box was crushed into a slightly smaller ball. When this failed to satisfy Cadance’s anger, she growled, and the box burst into flames. Whether box, wrapping paper, or the cotton of the teddy bear, it all burned with a bright blue flame. As the fireball was catapulted out into the empty lab, following the path of the other objects, it shifted into a more-normal orange, shortly before thumping onto the floor and breaking up, singeing them slightly.
Cadance’s sights fell onto her own desk, and all of the pictures of Shiny. Her largest collection, the scrap-book, flew further than anything else thrown out the window by dint of being the lightest. Trails of various pictures, drawings, and writings about them both trailed after it, fluttering to the floor. One of the daguerreotypes from inside landed on the burning teddy bear, igniting with a harsh chemical stench. She moved onto various framed pictures scattered around her desk, each of them exploding against the opposite wall of her office in a shower of broken glass and wrecked wooden frames.
She grabbed the last photo, preparing to simply slam it into her carpet, before she saw it again. Like a switch had been turned off, her burning blue aura faded back into a calm cerulean. As the fire in her lab set off the fire-suppression system and water soaked everything, her hair flopped soggily in front of her eyes. She brushed it out of the way, lowering the photo to her eye level.
It was another daguerreotype, this time from their high school dance, of her and Shiny in their dress and suit, respectively. It had been taken just after he and his friend had chased off that jock, and just before she went into the bathroom. She thought back to that day, and she could see it in her mind’s eye.
The universe had peeled itself open before her, and through it… She had seen the future. She had seen that damned lying bug straddling her stallion on their bed. She had seen that crystal warlord enslaving her wonderful crystal ponies, forcing them to kill, mine and die, all for his own sick amusement. But above it all, she saw herself and Shiny, sitting on their rightful thrones, together as husband and wife, as Emperor and Empress.
The picture clattered to the floor, the glass spider-webbed with cracks. It was simply forgotten about as Cadance realized; she had failed already. She had failed herself, she had failed the Crystal Ponies, she had failed fate, and worst of all? She had failed Shiny.
No.
No, this would not do. Fate could not have been changed, because one could not change fate. Attempting to do so was the domain of the void, and the creatures therein. It had only been… twisted? Yes, twisted. Twisted was fine. As long as it twisted all the way around, back to it’s original position.
And it would start with that bitch.
Gazing back over her laboratory, covered in broken glass and scattered mechanical fragments, singed in places, and now thoroughly soaked. And then she saw it. A circular metal rack of glass vials, all filled with green Changeling blood, and a printed blood analysis. It was simply sitting on her desk. She picked up the print-out, and re-read her own report. Where before she had merely skimmed, now she inspected every detail.
There. Line 16. “Exposure to all Equestrian blood types shows latent mutagenic propensity. Vials 16-20 consist of contaminated blood samples. Vitreous contact strictly prohibited.”
She had theorized, of course. Just like any good scientist, she had formed a hypothesis. There had simply been no way to test it, not before. She couldn’t get any volunteers, and there was no way Celestia’s Academy (Or its professors) would ever allow it.
And now…
Now, she was going to have to twist the rules. So she could twist fate back to where it was supposed to be. She was going to be a hero. She would beat that damned stink-bug at her own game, she would win back Shiny, she would defeat Sombra, and finally free her Empire. Everypony would love her. Especially Shiny.
She just needed a syringe.
Author's Note
So, my artist seems to have had some technical difficulties. Perhaps you guys will finally see the awesome cover art next chapter, eh? Which brings up an interesting point, that being that this is the last chapter of the first arc of this story. It'll be posted, in parallel chronological order, alongside Interloper whenever chapters for that are finished. I'll also make a blog post about it for those of you following this story but not me, so don't worry about it.
Oh! And by the way, does anyone know how to add space after paragraphs in FimFiction's editing UI? I mainly write these in GDocs, then copy/paste them into FimFiction, but I don't trust the "Import" button. These stories are already rather disjointed, thank you very much. Point is, these chapters look much prettier in GDocs than FimFiction. Have a look!
Intermission: Weaving a Story
The gleaming castle stood atop the mountain, framed in the sunset as it's shadow expanded greedily over the tiny, sleepy village below. The castle had stood for nearly a millennium atop the mountain, and was built of nearly unbreakable marble slabs carved from a quarry a country over, and held together by well-forged steel.
In its millennium of existence, it had weathered many an assault upon its walls, and those it guarded and who guarded it in return were some of the hardiest warriors the planet had ever seen. Not once had an enemy siege upon it been successful, and like scar tissue, it had only hardened and become tougher over the centuries. Today, its walls were nigh unbreakable.
Such was not to be.
The first ring of doom rang when a lone town guard, patrolling the streets of the sleepy hamlet below the castle, heard a noise. Something rattling in an alley.
"Hello?" He asked, poking his head around the corner. "Is anyone there?"
The noise paused, as if whatever had made it was startled, and then resumed.
The guard decided some poor pony likely had a bit too much to drink at the pub, and ventured into the alley. "Sir? Or Madam, whichever it is, are you alright? I'm a guard, I can help if something's wrong."
He followed the noise to a dumpster, where the lid was rattling--therefore creating the noise. "I'm going to lift the lid now. Please don't do anything rash."
He put a hoof under the lid, and pulled it up. Then he screamed, loudly and shrilly, at what he saw--a Changeling had been inside the dumpster the entire time, buzzing its wings to rattle the dumpster. When the guard finally ran out of breath and his scream tapered off, the Changeling smirked, and said one word.
"Gotcha."
Quick as a flash, the Changeling sprung out of the dumpster like a jack-in-the-box, wrapping his teeth around the guard's throat and digging his fangs into his jugular, before squeezing and crushing his neck like a tin can. With a strangled sound, the guard found he couldn't move his body anymore, and slumped into the changeling's grip. Before the poor pony's blood had even hit the ground, he had been bodily and wholly yanked into the dumpster, where the lid shut on them both.
Outside the alley, another guard, this one Sergeant, heard the scream, and bolted into the space. The buildings on either side were built of red brick, and so was the path between, as well as filled with dumpsters. When the source of the scream could not be found, he rubbed his head. He could've sworn...
"Sir? Is that you?"
He turned back around to find a junior guard trotting down the alley towards him. "Private Salmon? Was that you screaming?"
The private nodded. "Yes sir. Sorry sir. Thought I saw a rat, one of the big, plague-ridden ones from Zebrica, behind a dumpster. Turned out to be a shadow."
The Sergeant sighed. "Salmon, that's the third time this month. One more and I'll have to write you up for repeated public disturbances."
"Sorry, sir. Promise it won't happen again, sir."
Turning back around, the Sergeant motioned down the street. "Make sure of it. Now, if there aren't any more rats, our shift's over. You try and get some sleep, you look like you need it."
"Why's that, sir?"
"Your eyes are all sunken, and you're pale. Come on."
* * *
From there, they returned to the guard station, a two-story building where the top floor was a barracks, and went inside. Not long after, the Sergeant found himself with a pen sticking out out of his liver. He lived only long enough to witness Private Smoked Salmon turning into a changeling, before a second pen buried itself in his brain, by way of the eye.
From there, the infiltrator moved like a shadow, stashing the body under a desk and going after the secretary. Her last thought was "Stars, this coffee sucks," before a pot of it smashed the back of her skull in.
Another Private in the bathroom was drowned in a toilet--never let it be said that the infiltrator did not enjoy his job. Taking his shape (and making the complexion thereof much less blue,) he entered the barracks full of sleeping guards, and went to work. Within fifteen minutes, all twelve of the small hamlet's guards were dead or dying, and he signaled the rest of the swarm to attack.
And attack they did. The small swarm, nearly fifty in number and led by the King... Er, Queen, moved quickly and silently into the hamlet. Going from house to house, they invaded as cats, as mice, as birds, as flies, whatever could get into the houses, and took prisoner all ponies they found inside, save the ones who fought and were quickly killed.
The hive was mostly infiltrators, shape shifters by nature, but it did contain small subforces of Worker castes, Soldier castes, and Assassin castes. All were different, not only physically, but also in the roles the served within the hive.
The previously-stated infiltrators moved in first, entering the houses and opening doors to allow the other castes inside. They were slightly taller than the average pony, and were free to shape shift into whatever form they could imagine, with their innate magic "holding" spare mass they didn't use. They were normally thin, with hole-less legs and glossy carapaces, lacking wings unless they wished them.
Backing them up and protecting them from foolhardy ponies were the Assassin caste, who were mea-looking, bad-tempered, and overwhelmingly sharp changelings the size of large dogs. If they were ordered, they could use bone claws extending from their legs to brutally hack apart whatever was within reach. Whatever they couldn't, they would use their again-sharp wings to leap into the air, and come down atop--and shortly after, inside--their targets.
After the blood had settled into the carpet, the workers entered. They stood about the same height as any average pony, and were nearly as plain as well. Evolved for construction, their chitin was thin, and their legs full of holes for secreting and manipulating resin. They could only shape shift into ponies, and even then, only in case of emergency. They would fortify each building into a nursery, suitable for protecting and hatching coming members of the swarm.
Finally, the Queen arrived. She was a tall beautiful Changeling, like a Worker had been stretched, and with all of its abilities--plus a few more. They would meet the captured ponies, and separate them into three groups; mares, stallions, and foals.
Stallions would be sucked dry to fertilize the queen, and assuming they survived the process, placed into pods to generate love for the hive. Mares would... Mares would...
* * *
"Hey, are you alright?"
"Y...yeah... I'm fine."
"You don't look fine. We can skip this part if you like. I already know it by heart."
"No.. Honestly, I'm fine... And it's how this bit goes."
"If you're sure."
"..."
"Hey... If it's any consolation, you're doing great."
"...Thank you. Ahem."
* * *
...Mares, shortly afterward, would be put to use by the Queen as incubators for the eggs, until they were ready to hatch and the eggs were laid. One particularly (un)lucky mare would have the honour of receiving a royal egg, which was instead inserted into the stomach for protection. This egg would contain a nymphal Queen, as a backup plan in case the present Queen died soon. Unfortunately, the Nymphal Queen's hatching would kill the host.
Foals of either gender would be put into pods, where their development was changed and sped up as they were converted into pre-grown Changeling Nymphs. Their minds were wiped in the process, to prevent rebellion.
* * *
"There we go. All finished now."
"...yeah... Can we... Skip that flavor text next time?"
"Sure, I think we should only have to read it once, to refresh ourselves. Ready to move on? Or do you need a moment?"
"No, I can move on. Refresh my memory, what comes next?"
"Roll that die there to see how long it takes the castle to notice."
"...Three! So, uh... Oh. Three days for my guys to realize something's wrong."
* * *
Three days passed before the King of the castle noticed that supply caravans had ceased from the hamlet. In that time, it had been essentially wiped out, with the houses oozing thick resin from between thatching and leaking slime from the windows. A pink haze covered the town, a byproduct of the farmed love leaking slightly into the atmosphere.
The king immediately sent out a scouting party to check on the town, but they were easily intercepted by the final Changeling caste--and now that they were being bred in bulk, the most numerous.
Soldier Changelings were taller, albeit slightly, than a full-bodied stallion, and it was all muscle and steel-strong chitin. They wore armour and helmets made of blue-tinted strengthened resin, and their fangs were short but sharp, and their wings could let them fly for a full day straight if need be.
And twelve of them were about to intercept the scouting party. Roll for initiative, with a plus four bonus.
"Ooh, ten!"
The scouting party never even saw the Changelings approach. Three Soldiers dropped from the sky on all four sides, and said, in unison, "We are the swarm. Resistance is futile." Then descended upon the still-shocked ponies in a flurry of blood, ichor, and claws.
When the dust settled and the blood dried, the Changeling Soldiers were the only survivors--and therefore the victors--while having lost only four of their number. The remaining Changelings took up the form of the scouting party, and returned to the castle.
One of the guards at the gate had been waiting for his brother to return from scouting, and had chosen to greet him at the gatehouse. As the party meandered back into sight, he waved to his little brother. "Hill! How'd it go?"
When his brother failed to respond, he came closer. "Hill? Yoo-hoo, Arcadia to Hill, this is your brother Dale speaking... Hill?"
Finally, this caught the younger pony's attention. "Huh?"
"How did it go? What's going on down there?" Hill waved a hoof in front of Dale's muzzle.
Dale shook his head. "Uh... Nothing going on down there. Just a normal day in... Normal... Ville... Yeah."
With a tilt of his head, Hill trotted closer and put a hoof on Dale's shoulder, who jumped away from the contact. "Dale, are you feeling alright?"
His eyes darted around as he responded. "Yeah! I'm fine! But now I gotta go see the guy about the thing at the place. Be back in a min!"
“...Do you mean the lieutenant?”
“Yes. Him.”
“Her.”
“Right.” Putting on an exceptionally-fake looking grin, Dale trotted past the guards, followed by the rest of his squad. This was also odd. After all, why was a private leading two Sergeants instead of vice versa?
Now unimpeded, Dale continued onwards to the Lieutenant’s quarters. Opening the door, he entered, and the Lieutenant glared at him. “Where’s Captain Dobson?”
“...Uh…”
In a blur of motion, they both moved. The changeling’s cover was blown, and he shifted back into a Soldier—while the Lieutenant drew her sunnarium pistol and lined up a shot.
* * *
“Roll for initiative.”
“Eight?”
“Good enough.”
* * *
She never got to pull the trigger, what with the Soldier bucking her desk—and her with it—into the wall with a crunch. Around the castle, the other Soldiers began wreaking whatever havoc they could, whether shifting back into a changeling and murdering somepony in front of a dozen others, or quietly sabotaging the hangars. From the sky descended the rest of the swarm, a hundred times stronger after taking the small hamlet below, simply to make up the losses from anti-aerial cannon fire before those were knocked out.
The castle’s defences fell quickly.
Semi-automatic prismatic fire and the stomping of power-armoured boots filled the halls of the ancient castle. The warfare quickly advanced towards the throne room, and the command centre of Admiral Stirling… as did the king… Queen of the hive, Queen Alabaster.
The throne room doors flew open, revealing the Queen in all her dark glory, and a dozen sniper dots centred on her forehead. Their sources were scattered around the room, from rafters to balconies to even one just behind the throne of the Commander-Monarch of the Arcadian Armada, Admiral Stirling. Next to him hung two mares, with into enough wiring and machinery to control a battle-cruiser leading into their skull wire-ports… Which may have been what they actually doing. Electronic eyes swept to the door, and the mares stopped in their frenetic typing amongst a half-dozen typeboards hovering around them.
Behind them sat Admiral Stirling himself. He was a giant of a stallion, though the fact that he was permanently sealed in his silver armour only aided this illusion. Standing up, he was quite possibly as tall as two full-grown stallions, were one to stand on the other’s back. His armour plating was thicker than most hover-tanks, and all of it together weighed as much as a full-grown Oliphant. Only the machinery of the armour, especially with the golden inlays decorating it, allowed the Admiral to even move.
And, perhaps most tellingly, the Admiral was not standing. He simply lounged, fully clad in his armour, across the ancient iron throne. He seemed unconcerned with the fact that the Changelings had infested the Hamlet below, nor that they were steadily conquering his own base of operations. His eyes weren’t even open, until a full minute after Queen Alabaster had smashed the doors to throne room into splinters.
When they did, it was only a singular eye. The other remained closed, while the one closest to the door lazily flicked open, evaluated the Queen as she stood, and then closed again.
Queen Alabaster blinked. “...Well ?”
“Well what?” The Admiral didn’t even open his eyes.
Stomping her chitinous hoof, the Queen snarled. “Will you stand and fight, or shall I kill you in your chair?”
“You’ll do neither.” Replied the Admiral.
“...What ?”
The Admiral sighed, as though about to explain something to a very thick foal. “You’ve just lost. How much of your army is in view of the sky right now?”
“...Most… of it…?”
“That’s what I thought.” The Admiral lackadaisically pressed a button on his armour’s collar, turning his personal transmitter to all frequencies. “All Arcadian forces, seal free energy shielding. Radio silence. We are engaging the Orbital Sunnarium cannon.”
* * *
“...How on Arcadia did you afford an Orbital Sunnarium Cannon?”
“How much fighting did you do, precisely?”
“So, wait… you got the bare minimum of troops required, and sold everything you could… Just so you could use it all at the very last minute to buy a weapon meant for continent-spanning games?”
“I told you I was good at Hyperspace Hyperwars.”
* * *
Queen Alabaster gaped at the Admiral for a moment, before howling, “NO !” and lunging at him. She got within eight metres before slamming into the air itself, which radiated outwards in a rainbow of colours, tracing the domed outline of the throne’s new energy shield.
The Admiral simply smirked at her, before tilting his head towards one of the mechano-mares at her console. “Fire Sunnarium Cannon at 47.5667 North, 10.700 East.”
The mechano-mare nodded. “Affirmative. Firing at Kehle, former Gryphonia, in thirty seconds.”
“NO !” Undeterred by the impenetrability of the energy shielding, Queen Alabaster opted simply to beat on it with her hooves, simply to get through and stop the firing sequence. It didn’t work.
Still smirking at her, the Admiral shifted slightly in his throne, putting his hooves behind his head as make-shift cushions. “You know, Queen, if you fly as fast and as far as you can… You might get just far enough for the psionic backlash to hit you before the free energy wave.”
The Queen slumped against the shield as the Mechano-mare manning the orbital platform’s controls droned out, “Firing in five… four… three… two… one. Have a nice day.”
Far above the planet, a metal sphere was fired from a free-floating platform. This metal sphere fell through the atmosphere, until it reached a predetermined height, and then detonated.
Massive waves of free energy propagated throughout the atmosphere above the hamlet and the ancient castle. In the small town, every living thing (for by now, they had all been converted by, and into, changelings) simply began bleeding from every orifice at once, before collapsing and dying on the ground in droves. In the castle, swarms of changelings dropped like flies around the power-armoured soldiers, who simply watched and laughed as blood soaked into the carpet, and their armour’s free energy detectors clicked like angry chipmunks.
In the throne room, Queen Alabaster had it the worst. The entirety of her hivemind died, all at the same time, and she was left hearing their dying screams—and then silence, just before the merciful free energy took her, and she vomited green blood across the surface of the shield. It vaporised on contact, and the twitching corpse flopped onto the carpet.
Still sitting in his throne, Admiral Stirling checked his own free energy detector. Nothing. He turned to the machano-mare who had not been operating the orbital cannon, and opened his helmet to speak. “Inform the fleet to bring free energy scrubbers and cleanup weapons. Check to make sure nothing of the hive survived.” His nose turned up at the still-bleeding corpse of Queen Alabaster. “And somepony clean that up.”
* * *
“Wow.” Shining sat back against the couch heavily, staring at Queen Chrysalis—apparently master tactician in the art of fighting dirty—in a new light. “How did you learn how to play Hyperspace Hyperwars that well… and that dirty?”
Ambassador Chrysalis shrugged. “We played a lot of it back in the hive during my training. Teaching me strategy, or so they said.” She began to pick up the pieces, starting with her own Arcadian Armada forces. “Since they were teaching me Changeling tactics using the pieces, they usually got to use them. And because we only had the one set, I always played the Arcadians. So I got really good at beating my instructors with them, just to annoy them.”
Shining chuckled. “Well, then I’m gonna have to dig out my old gaming notes. I think I’ve still got a couple more strategies written down somewhere that beat my friends.”
Chrysalis smiled as she closed the lid. “Yes… I think I would enjoy that. But for now… Should we return to unpacking your trunk?”
Turning back to the trunk in question, Shining grimaced. “...Maybe one more quick game?”
Author's Note
Dedicated to The Weaver of Derpibooru, because I actually started planning out and revising a fictional tabletop strategy game inside a fictional universe of a fictional universe.
For Context!
Chapter 1
...The best way to describe the position of "Captain of the Guard" is perhaps as a largely ceremonial position; for while it is true that they hold all the authority of a General, but this is limited to the capital city they are stationed in. For matters pertaining to the country as a whole, or to the Aerial or Naval troops, they are little more than highly-decorated Majors. Even then, their authority is somewhat limited; their main duties are protecting the Princess, and defense of the capital and surrounding towns.
Nevertheless, it is a prestigious position, and they are great players in politics, however little many of them wish not to be so. In the past, it has been used both as a reward and as a punishment, depending on the circumstances thereof. The fact that all Captains remain as such, even posthumously, can also be seen as a continuation of this. Even so, it is not unheard of for enterprising Captains [of the Guard] to take on other roles, such as Drill Sergeant, Gunnery Captain, Shield-wielder, Lord Protector...
-Captain Paper Trail, On the Captain of the Guard
“...And so, a week now since our good friend, Captain Windswept Bamboo, passed in the ever-noble line of duty, the Parliament and I have come to an agreement and determined his replacement. As such, we nominate First Lieutenant Shining Armour. Do you accept, First Lieutenant?”
“I do, High Princess Celestia. Thank you.” She placed the embossed breastplate of command around his chest, allowing him to stand up for a minute to adjust it comfortably, before he ducked back into a bow.
”Excellent. Now, the position comes with an honorary sword, a sabre of the highest quality. This blade has been hoof-forged by my own sister Luna, as part of her reparations for her actions. Your sword, First Lieutenant.” Celestia’s golden aura brought the sword in question, hilt-first, to Shining Armour, who took it in his own. As Princess Celestia continued the ceremony, he began to swap out his trusty broadsword for this new sabre, the smaller sword sitting loosely in the sheath.
“Than by the power invested in me by my mother and my father, and all of theirs all the way back to the first Alicorn, Faust, the creator, I bestow upon you the title of Captain of the Guard, and the full responsibility of Canterlot and the Royal Family's protection, myself included, effective immediately. You may rise, Captain Armour.” He did so, and Celestia smiled before speaking into the microphone again.
“Now that the official ceremonies have been completed, I understand that a ...personal friend of Captain Shining Armor, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, has reserved the main ballroom specifically for a celebration of his new position. So, eat, drink, and be merry!” With that, she stepped away from the microphone, waiting for the crowds in the room to funnel out. Shining himself stepped down from the stage, now wearing his new sword as well as his red officer’s uniform, the new breastplate heavy on his chest. However, he was left carrying his old broadsword in an aura of magic alongside him.
He made a beeline for a messy crop of blue mane, having seen it from the stage and being well-aware the owner would wait for him. He politely pushed past a pair of privates, and almost ran headlong into Flash Sentry. “Hey, Flash.”
The Pony in question jumped, as he’d been staring into space in the direction of the stage when Shining got his attention. “Hey yourself, Shining! Or is it ‘Captain Armour’ now?”
Shining chuckled, waving towards his uniform. “Same as when I got promoted all the other times, Flash. Doesn’t matter what rank I am, my friends can call me whatever they like. Whether that’s ‘Shining’, ‘Captain Armour’, or ‘Admiral’ for all I care.”
Flash chuckled, fidgeting with the buttons of his own armored black peacoat. “Alright, mister epic speech, how’s about we get to that party, eh? From what I heard, Princess Cadance went all out on it, and set you up for this promotion… She sweet on you?”
They had begun moving as they talked, and were slowly moving with the herd out of the auditorium, at least until Shining stumbled slightly in response. “Cadance? Eh… Knew her in High School, even kinda had a relationship with her, until… well… Anyway, she’s been trying to get us back together for a while now.”
“And what about you, you still interested in her?”
“Nnnnot really. I’ve kinda moved on since then.”
“Is it ‘cause you bat for the other team now?” That stopped Shining’s hooves just as much as his brain as it utterly failed to comprehend the statement.
“What.” Flash nearly collapsed laughing as Shining’s brain rebooted. “I...I don’t… what!?”
“Hah! Oh, you shoulda seen your face… I’m kidding, relax. We’ve known each other from boot, you’d think I wouldn’t have picked up on that? I mean, you didn’t tell me about Cadance ‘til now, but I betcha had a good reason. Can’t believe you’re still not used to my jokes after, like, ten years.”
Shining shrugged. This was made slightly more dangerous by the broadsword bobbing alongside him in his aura, which nearly took some poor Guard’s horn off. “It’s just… unique, I guess. I’m kinda used to it, but I’m kinda not? I mean, I know you’re not that bad a guy, but people just see this whole ‘surfer dude’ personality you have. On the other hoof, you do manage to keep one-upping yourself…”
“Yeah, speaking of unique stuff, you want me to carry that? The way you got it now, you’re a right terror.” Shining turned to check on the sword, which was both lacking a sheath and bobbing along dangerously at head height. Fleetfoot just barely managed to jump out of the way as the sword moved with Shining’s head.
Shining cringed as Fleetfoot shot him a glare. “Yeah, that’d… that’d probably be a good idea.” Shining motioned him to move to the side of the corridor with his hoof, and the crowd did its best to give them some room. Flash’s coat was standard issue for an Overseer, with all of its pockets. Most of them were empty, and his mask was clipped to his side. His own sword was sitting in a scabbard on his other side, leaving the straps on his back (meant for holding a backpack full of gear) open to hold the broadsword.
As soon as Shining released is magical grip and Flash took the full weight, he sagged visibly. “You alright?” Shining asked, concerned.
Flash gave a pained grin, his legs steadying as he straightened back up. “I’m good… yeah. Hollow bones don’t mean shit, I’m tough.”
Shining stood back, ready to leap forward and help at the drop of a hat… Or rather, the drop of a Pegasus. “If you’re sure… onward?” At Flash’s nod, they began moving forward again, quickly entering the ballroom, which they had been but scant metres from. Shining entered first, with Flash a little bit behind, and looked around.
It was far from his first time seeing the room, but it was the first time he’d seen it almost to full capacity. The ballroom was at the size of a professional Hoofball field, and built out of solid marble. Gigantic pillars every twenty metres kept the massively heavy arched roof from collapsing inward and at a height better suited for Wonderbolts maneuvers, and stained-glass windows allowed the light of the setting sun through in a multitude of colours, framed by the mosaics within.
Cadance had loved looking at those, and Twily had been all too eager to please her by looking up and memorizing the story behind every single one. For a little while, Twily had been telling Cadance bedtime stories, stories like the tale of Equestria’s creation by the Alicorn, Faust, or as the window was called, “The Creator”.
He looked left, and saw Cadance’s favorite, the window that represented Epona, “The Stormbringer”. She and her squire, Link, had been some of the greatest adventurers the world had ever known, even turning back time itself to save it from the creatures of the Void.
And of course, one of the saddest mosaics of the lot. “The Cleansing of the Alicorns”. Many a time, Celestia had been asked whether or not she’d rather have it replaced with a somewhat more cheerful window, and every time, she refused. Even Twily had once asked her why she wanted a representation of genocide to remain displayed, and Celestia had supposedly answered, “To show that some of the worst of evils could come from the best of intentions.” whatever that meant.
Shining shook his head, and turned away from the windows to- “Gah!” he yelped, leaping backwards in surprise as he found his muzzle a mere centimetre away from Cadance’s. She grinned, and lifted him back to his feet.
“Darn. And I almost got a kiss out of you!” She looked around him at Flash. “Is he alright?”
Shining followed her gaze to where Flash was still almost imperceptibly struggling with the weight of the sword. The armored stallion gave a stupid grin, and nodded. Shining turned back to Cadance, deepening his voice just like his old D&D days. “Of course! My squire would gladly carry any weight for me, for he has pledged his undying allegiance! My mighty blade Hackmaster is but a pittance in comparison!”
Cadance smiled seductively, and brushed her tail up against him. “Well, if you say so. But if he ever gets tired, I’d eagerly take such a strong, hard, long… male… sword…” Behind her, Flash blinked, then sniffed the air. He turned, his eyes widening as he saw Cadance. In a second, all of Shining’s previous bravado had evaporated, and his white fur nearly turned the same shade of pink as Cadance’s.
She took a heavy breath, and leaned toward his ear. “Oh, dear… Seems I’ve made a bit of a mess. Lucky us, there’s a broom closet down the hall. Meet me there, and we can clean it up… or get even dirtier… together.” She pulled back. “Of course, if you keep me waiting too long, I might just have to... clean myself up. With my tongue. And I might just be so distracted, I could forget to shut the door…” She trailed off, turning away and trotting back to the door with just the slightest tremor in her knees. Shining’s brain had stopped working. Again. Which was why he had still been looking at Cadance when she winked.
Without using her eyes.
She disappeared into the crowd, and Shining managed to snap back to the present, where Flash was still staring at the door like an idiot. He snapped out of it as well, and turned to Shining after crossing his hind legs. “Holy moly… Dude. Shining. Dude. She wants you. Bad. Like, bad enough to tell you she wants you in a crowd of friggin’ ponies.”
Shining composed himself, and set his jaw. “Yeah, well, I don’t want her. I don’t stick my dick in crazy. And there’s a whole lot more crazy than Cadance than I’d like in there right now. Just wish she could get the damned hint.”
Flash frowned. “You were kinda leading her on… Still, jeez. If you’ve been denying her this long… You are way stronger than I could ever be. I woulda given in long ago.” He turned towards the refreshments table, a fair distance away, and took a step only to recoil. He looked at his hoof and grimaced, before wiping it off on his fur. “Eugh. Somepony should put down a ‘wet floor’ sign…” He resumed his path, carefully avoiding the puddle. Shining shot a glare towards the door, before turning and following Flash. He had a sudden and overbearing need to get drunk.
On the way there, he paused before turning around. He could’ve sworn he saw… he did. He’d passed a Batpony, who was wearing an eyepatch and silently chewing on a glowing whitish-blue flower. Said Batpony paused as he saw Shining, before swallowing and walking closer. Shining regarded him carefully, curious as to what the Batpony wanted. He was fairly sure he’d seen him hanging about with Princess Luna at least once, but that was all he knew of him and the other one.
Bafflingly, the Guard simply approached, silently shook his hoof, and gave him a respectful nod before ducking back into the crowd. Flash nudged him forward again, and Shining merely blinked. “What was that about?”
Flash glanced back, but the Batpony had completely disappeared. “That was… I think either Sunshine or Meadowlark. I forget which is which. We had to check them for heresy when Luna brought them in, but they were clean, surprisingly. They're real, though, so we're keeping an eye on them just in case.”
Shining shrugged. “Alright. I don’t know whether I have jurisdiction over them or not, but that one seemed alright. Are they both silent?”
“The other one never shuts up.”
“Fantastic.” They finally made it to the massive refreshments table, which Shining searched, out of curiosity, for the blue flowers the Batpony had been eating. There was a distinct lack of both them and empty plates, which meant that the Batpony had brought them here to eat. Shining briefly entertained the idea of going back and finding him, as those flowers looked like they’d taste interesting, but he discarded the idea in favour of punch.
“Would ye like some whiskey with that, chap?” As soon as the voice began whispering in his ear, he jerked, an ancient biological defence mechanism overriding all of his training and scattering the toothpicks he had been picking up onto the carpet. After he quickly snagged them all with his magic and slipped them into a pocket, he relaxed, turning to see his old drill sergeant. He smiled as he recognized him.
“Staff Sergeant Barns! I almost didn’t recognize your voice, considering you weren’t screaming obscenities at me.”
Barns guffawed, clapping his hoof on his back and lifting a flask in his own rose-red magic (Or blood-coloured, if you pestered him about it.) Behind him, Flash raised a hoof. “Oh! I’d like some whiskey!” Barns turned, sized him up, and narrowed his eyes. His muzzle wrinkled, even more than it already was. “Th’ offer was only fer th’ new Captain. Ye’d have ta trade me something, bucko.”
As Flash considered this, Shining made a rather unpleasant discovery, thankfully before he actually drank any of the punch. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the negotiating pair of Sergeants, muttering, “She tries so hard, and then forgets some really important details…” He cleared his throat, to catch their attention. “Sergeant Barns?” Barns turned, eyebrow raised. “I know it’s hardly a fair trade, but will you trade me for this cup of punch? It’s got pineapples in, and I’d hate to see it go to waste.”
Barns smirked. “Ye got somethin’ against pineapple, sir?”
Shining returned the smirk. “Nope. Deathly allergic. Trade?” Barns glanced at the cup of punch suspiciously before nodding, and passing the flask to him.
“Don’t guzzle it; that’s straight from the Bottle Street Distillery. Strong shit. And I’d like the flask back before the end of the night.” Shining chuckled, passing him the cup of punch in return, and taking the flask in his own pink aura. Flash blinked, apparently having expected it to go straight to him. Shining decided to have a bit of fun, and uncorked the flask, drinking down a quarter of the whiskey in one gulp.
The look on Flash’s face was worth the burn all the way down.
Behind him, Barns sipped his punch, his muzzle screwing up. “Huh. That tastes… off. Maybe somepony already spiked it.”
Flash gaped, as it was his turn not to comprehend what was going on. “Dude!” The look on his face, somehow even more flabbergasted than before, now far and away made up for all of Flash’s jokes and jabs over the years. Even the most recent one. He would remember this moment, likely all the way to his deathbed, where he would still think about it and chuckle to himself.
Then Flash smirked. “Yeah, you love guzzling the Sarge’s whiskey, don’t you Shining?”
The last of the whiskey caught in his throat, and Shining fell into a coughing fit. About six seconds later, after he finished trying to eject his lungs from his face, he looked back up at Flash. At some point his own magic had cut out and Flash had grabbed the flask, likely before it even hit the floor. He hadn’t planned for the possibility that Shining might have screwed the cap back on, hilariously, and was now trying to unscrew it with his teeth. “That was a low blow.”
“Sh’t ‘p! St’pid c’p!” Barns had lost his shit by this point, guffawing hard enough that his drink wavered. “Ye can’t outsmart a smartass, boy- er, Captain.”
Shining was about to respond with some witty comeback (Which, admittedly, he hadn’t come up with yet. In about an half an hour, he’d come up with the perfect comeback, and curse as he’d be otherwise preoccupied. He would then forget to write it down, and curse again the next morning when he woke up and couldn’t recall it.) when he saw a flash of familiar purple hair not too far away. “Hold that thought. If I’m not back in a bit, say hi to Sunset for me.” Flash gave him a thumbs-up motion with his primaries, and Shining turned away before starting to duck and dodge through the crowd.
He nearly lost sight of her a few times, but each time a quick use of magically-enhanced vision got him back on track. Within moments, he was practically right next to- “Twiley!”
The sister in question’s head snapped to follow the shout, and the muzzle brimmed with joy at the sight of him. “Shiny!” She leapt forward, and they met in a loving hug. Shining had missed her, considering the last time he’d seen her was about… six months ago? He’d seen her before then, of course, but she hadn’t recognized him under his enchanted armor.
Twiley peeked out over his shoulder, and caught sight of his newly-enhanced uniform. “Oh, wow. Stand back for a sec, lemme get a good look at you, BBBFF.” They separated from each other, and Shining puffed his chest out proudly a few steps away, settling into parade rest.
“What do you think, Sis?”
Twiley giggled, nuzzling him. “You’re amazing. You always have been. The only thing that’s different is that now everypony else thinks so too.” Shining chuckled and relaxed, then motioned to a nearby table. She nodded, and they both sat down, Shining setting up a small shield around the table for privacy. It wouldn’t be completely soundproof, but it did reduce the conversations around them to a dull murmur.
“So, Shiny, I’m actually here for another reason, besides seeing my BBBFF get promoted. Apparently, now that we have a Captain of the Guard again, I’m supposed to be debriefed about that whole ‘Nightmare Moon’ thing.”
“Day of the Night.”
“What?”
Shining waved his hoof non-committedly. “Apparently that’s what everypony’s calling it now.”
Twiley stared at him. “That’s a stupid name. It’s an oxymoron, for one thing, and inaccurate. Technically the night lasted about one week, or… seven twenty-four hour periods. I haven’t checked, and I was too busy to check myself when we got back. Then you start arguing about whether you count the fact that the night ended when it was supposed to have been night in the first place, or whether we should recalibrate all the clocks because Celestia was the one to fix the orbit… Point is, it’s a stupid name.”
Shining chuckled. “Well, I’ll side with you. You’ve probably got a much better idea about the Astrology side of things. All I know is, I didn’t pick it. Anything else?”
Twiley nodded, and smiled. “I’m also supposed to ask you if your schedule is clear for tomorrow, around six-ish.”
Shining grimaced. “Lemme guess. Cadance wants to set up a date?”
Twiley shook her head. “Nah. Mom and Dad want us to come home for a night for dinner, and so we can have a little reunion. Apparently they’re really proud of both of us, and they want us all to play catch-up. They did invite Cadance, though.” As she finished speaking, she saw something behind him, and frowned.
Shining smirked. “Heh. Are Aunt and Uncle-” He was interrupted by a Pony tapping a hoof on his shoulder. He turned to see just about his least favorite Pony on the Palace staff; the eternally stuck-up “Prince” Amadeus Blueblood, as long as the ‘stuck-up’ bit referred to the stick up his plot. Still, he was obligated to the shmuck, and lowered the shield.
“Auntie has requested your presence, Captain.” Shining nodded,turning back to Twilight. “Sorry, Twiley. Seems I have to cut this short. Tell Mom and Dad I said yes. Seeya tomorrow, BSBFF.”
“Likewise, BBBFF. Say hi to Princess Celestia for me, alright?” Shining gave her a wave before standing up and following Blueblood out. They weren’t far from the door, and as soon as the doors shut behind them, all the noise from the Ballroom disappeared. The sudden silence prevailed, and was unsettling to Shining. Even in his short time in there, he’d gotten used to the constant dull roar of the conversation.
“So, Captain…” In an instant, he found himself missing the silence instead. “I’m curious: will you keep Captain Bamboo’s policies?”
Shining mentally paused, but physically kept walking. “I… suppose? I guess it really depends on the policies themselves. I’ll have to evaluate them on a case-by-case basis. You’ll have to ask me later, unless there’s one you had some stake in…?” He trailed off, waiting for a response.
Blueblood diplomatically ‘hmmm’ed before he continued speaking. “No, not particularly. The old boy and I… well, we just never really saw eye-to-eye. In any case, It’s good to know that the job has been taken by somepony of proper breeding, if you know what I mean.” Shining felt his face curl into a snarl, but Blueblood interrupted him again. “Ah, here we are, Auntie’s quarters. Now, she said she would be busy when I returned, and that you were to wait outside until requested. Please, take a seat, our current guest should not be long.”
At that, he turned and opened the door to Princess Celestia’s quarters. With the magical seal soundproofing the door broken, Shining could clearly overhear the conversation going on inside as Blueblood entered. On a whim, Shining put a magical aura around his side of the door handle, slowing the closing motion to a crawl while he listened.
“-so obsessed with him? I mean, for Faust’s sake, Blueblood found you presenting yourself in a broom closet- ah, speak of a demon, and it shall appear. Chamomile, Nephew.” The door, even slowed, was nearly closed by then. Thinking fast, Shining slipped out one of the toothpicks he had grabbed from the buffet table and slipped it into the doorframe, barely keeping the door open and the soundproofing spell deactivated.
“Now, as I was saying, you seem unusually obsessed with our mutual friend, the Lieu… pardon, Captain, to the point where you basically used all of your influence to get him promoted.”
“You have no-” Cadance’s voice started, before Celestia interrupted gently, but with a firmness in her voice that did not broker more interruption.
“You left a paper trail a mile wide. Cadenza, my most melodious student, I can never apologize enough for the accident. In return, I gave you a Princesshood, but this is a flagrant abuse of power. I cannot have that. Consider this your warning, my student. Drop this obsession, or both the Parliament and I shall be forced to rescind that power.”
“Is that a threat, Celestia?”
There was a pause. Then, a sigh that only a creature several millennia old could produce. “I do not enjoy making threats. I never have. And yet, sometimes it is necessary to maintain balance. Might I remind you that were the matter solely up to the Parliament, you would already have been stripped of your power. I was only able to talk them down today because Shining Armour was already under consideration for the position, and I was able to promise them that you would not do it again. I once wielded the Element of Honesty, Cadenza. Do not make me out to be a liar.”
There was a sharp intake of breath. “I can see where you’re coming from. Trust me on this, please. Just… trust me. I need Shiny. I wish I could explain why, but you’d think me mad.”
“You are hardly proving yourself to be stable now, Cadenza.”
“I know. Just trust me. I shall not abuse my position again; I swear upon Epona’s spirit.”
Princess Celestia sighed again. “That will have to do, I suppose. Now, I believe we have kept the stallion waiting long enough, if Blueblood’s arrival is any indication. You may go, Cadenza.”
“Wait, is Shiny right out-”
“You may go, Cadenza. ” All of the motherly softness was gone; The Princess was giving an order, and woe betide those that did not follow it. Tentatively, Shiny slid the toothpick out of the door, letting it close completely with the gentlest of clicks. He moved to a cushioned chair a short distance away fairly quickly, and did his best to look bored. He’d had plenty of training as a Guard. Not a minute had passed before the door opened, and Cadance trotted out, shooting the room a glare before looking around. When she noticed him, her expression changed back to that seductive smile he had come to hate the past few months.
“Hey, Shiny. After you’re done here, you wanna go back to that broom-”
“My most melodious student, art thou not required elsewhere? Perhaps that lab I assigned you to? If not, I am sure I could still very well assign you homework…”
Cadance’s face fell once more. “Dammit. She’s right. See you around, Loverboy.” She walked past him, her trichromatic tail swishing over his muzzle as she passed. Shining blushed as he remembered just what she had been doing earlier, and what the tail still smelled heavily of. He began trying to scrape his muzzle off his face, as it was the only way it could ever be clean again.
“Captain Armour, you may enter.” Shining paused, before deciding there would be plenty of time to remove part of his face later. He entered her quarters, and looked around. He had never actually seen Princess Celestia’s quarters, and eagerly took in the sights of a near-immortal goddesses’ bedroom. Curiously enough, they seemed to straddle the line between spartan and extravagant, with some areas covered in various, expensive-looking clutter, some meticulously organized, and others left completely bare.
A large, imposing bed dominated the left side of the room, with the silk sheets stretching from side to side like a sunlit yellow ocean. A pillow larger than a Stallion’s barrel sat at the head of the bed, stuffed with the finest goose down. The headboard was flush with the wall, and a large, closed chest sat at the foot of the bed. To the beds’ immediate right was a dresser, with a mirror. A bookcase was on the beds’ left, stretching for the rest of the North wall and taking up a fair bit of the West as well.
Across from the door, on the East wall, was another much larger, meticulously detailed glass-and-metal door leading onto a balcony, from which Princess Celestia set the Sun on it’s journey across the sky. However, said balcony was currently in shadow, the day being nearly finished, and the balcony doors open so Celestia would have a perfect view of the rising Moon. With the doors open, the flickering light from the fireplace reflected off of the metal designs, giving the brass renditions of the Princess’ cutie mark a shimmer that outshone the real ones.
The South wall was where the fireplace was set into the wall, with a heavily-decorated mantel showcasing seemingly dozens of pictures and clay jars, all the way from tiny foals’ drawings to faded black-and-white photographs, with just the barest hints of colour to tell all the different ponies apart. Above the mantel was a painted portrait of Starswirl the Bearded, his blue robes and white beard both immaculate. Another series of shelves were placed to the right, clearly split into two sections; one for containing and organizing seemingly hundreds of wax cylinders, and the other for nearly a bookstore’s worth of assorted letters, pictures, and other significant pieces of paper. In the corner between the East and the South walls, by a window, was a writing desk, a quill and ink at the ready. Notably, the desk’s “in” box was empty, with the “out” box nearly overflowing.
On the same wall as the door he had just entered, the West, was a trophy shelf nearly overflowing with various knick-knacks and gifts from the other nations of Arcadia, and by extension, their Ambassadors and dignitaries. Such as, at a single glance, such things as an extremely vintage bottle of Stalliongrad Vodka, a set of Skyreland focusing stones, and even a Neighpalese Khukuri.
The red carpet of the room was velvet, and thoroughly unstained by any substance, with the only interruption in its level perfection being where the furniture had flattened it out after nearly a millennia of simple existence. Around it, the walls of the room were the same shade of pleasant yellow as the bedspread. In between said bedspread and the bookshelves was a low table of Neighponese design, called a Kotatsu, at which Princess Celestia sat. In the center was a heater, with a small kettle of water coming to a boil.
“Ah, Captain, Please, sit. I wish to discuss something with you. I hope I did not pull you from the party too soon?”
Shining sat across from her, laying on his stomach the same way she was, with her hind legs curled beneath her and her forelegs crossed in front. “It’s alright. Mostly a formality, really. I already know how my Guards are doing, and the politicians just want to get on my good side.”
Princess Celestia nodded. “Too true, too true. Tea, Captain?” She was already pouring some of the hot water into the teapot, which seemed to to be made of some sort of purple clay, and waited for his response.
“Sure, I guess…?” Celestia nodded, placing the teapot back onto the tray, with two small, cylindrical teacups made of the same purple clay.
“Chamomile,” She explained. “A sort of herbal tea. Just what I need for my headache, as soon as Blueblood returns with the infusion.” She paused. “Come to think of it, are you not allergic to pineapples?”
“I am. Why?”
“Mm. It is possible you may be allergic to the tea.”
Shining paused, chewing his lip. Finally, he sighed. “I’ll risk it. Just, you know… If I start swelling up, call a medic quickly.”
“Of course. Ah, Blueblood, excellent timing, as always.” The pony in question began the process of making the tea, while Shining watched.
“You know, I’ve never actually had tea before. I’m a bit nervous.”
“Do not fret, Captain. If I remember correctly, Twilight was just as nervous with her first cup. Tell me, how is she settling into Ponyville?”
Shining mulled it over as Blueblood set the cups back in front of them with his golden aura. His job done, he left the room, carefully shutting the door this time. “Well, she didn’t actually tell me, but I’m sure if anything came up she would’ve said something. I’m trying not to worry about it.”
“Indeed. It is not unlike a mother bird making their chick fly, and seeing them leave the nest. You always wonder if their wings shall be strong enough. Still… I shall ask, in my next letter, I believe. I fret over her sometimes.” Celestia sat up a little bit straighter, so she could comfortably pick up and drink her tea.
Shining nodded, eying the green cup suspiciously. “I know what you mean. She’s probably the smartest pony I’ve ever known.” His eyes widened, and he looked back at Princess Celestia, realizing what he had just said. “Uh, not including yourself, your majesty.”
Princess Celestia smirked, taking a small sip of her tea, which she held in her hoof. “Nonsense. Give her a few years.” She followed his gaze back down to his cup. “Come now, Captain. It will not bite you, should you pick it up.”
Shining jerked, not realizing how transparent he was being. “Right, right. Just… not sure how to pick it up.”
Princess Celestia smirked. “Worry not, Captain. Follow my lead.” She set her cup back down on the table, paused, then began to pick it up. She began by using only the tiniest bit of magic to lift it into her hoof, where she slotted the perfectly-sized cup into the walls of her hoof like a living cupholder. She used her other hoof to steady the cup, ensuring it never tilted far enough to fall out of her hoof, and took a sip. Shining tried to follow her lead, but the matching cup he had been given was sized for another Alicorn, so he was left simply balancing said cup on top of his hoof’s walls and using a ring of magic to steady it instead.
Now confident it was stable, he took a sip.
Hm. It tasted… Hm.
It didn’t really taste like anything he’d ever tasted before. It was… somewhat like coffee, which he’d drunk plenty of, but the comparison of the two was like comparing cats and bears: They were technically related, but completely different otherwise. He’d grazed as well; most ponies had, at some point, tried it out when they were feeling hungry. And it was a bit like that, in that it tasted faintly grass-ey. But once again, he was comparing cats and bears. It was very sweet, but also very smooth, yet not quite oily.
It was a thoroughly unique flavour, he decided. And that flavour was “tea”, specifically chamomile. He also decided, in that moment and the others following it in which he did not have an allergic reaction, that he liked it.
Both he and Princess Celestia took another sip, before he set his back down on the table. Princess Celestia chose simply to hold her own cup to her breast, nearly cuddling it like a foal. “So, a winner, Captain?”
Shining nodded. “I suppose so.” He paused, then facehoofed.
“Captain?”
“Think nothing of it, Ma’am. Just thought of the perfect comeback to one of Flash’s jokes. Is the tea helping your head any?”
Celestia’s eyes flicked to the cup, and the corners of her mouth tilted downward. “No. Pity.”
Shining smiled. “Well, maybe it’s more of a kind of thing you need to talk out with somepony else?”
The Princess nodded. “‘Tis quite possible. I nearly forgot your family has always been such good listeners. In any case, I believe we have a mutual problem.” She paused, and Shining finished the thought for her. “Cadance.”
She nodded, taking another sip of her tea. “Indeed. How much did you hear earlier?”
Shining had been taking a sip of his own tea when she asked, and the question caught him off guard. “-koff- I didn’t- hack-”
Princess Celestia’s gaze hardened. “Captain, I have worked, slept, and lived in this room for nary a millenium. I am aware when my door does not close properly. How much?”
Shining cleared his throat, and sighed, defeated. “Somewhere around Cadance having pulled strings to get me promoted.”
The Princess seemed to be gauging his reaction. “Just as I expected. And tell me, Shining Armor, does her doing so distress you?”
“Yes. No. Wait, wait, sorry, I…” He paused, taking a deep breath. Just like Cadance taught him and Twilight. “I’ve been in the guard a while. I know there’s plenty more in the guard more experienced than I, who have been around longer. I don’t have a problem with the position itself, merely with the fact that she did it to try and get underneath my nethers, if you’ll pardon the vulgarity. It makes it feel… cheapened. Like I didn’t earn it.” Hastily, he added: “But, uh… I’d rather keep said position, if that’s alright.”
That brought a smirk to the Princess’ face. “If it makes you feel better, know that you were already my suggestion to the Parliament when they asked for recommendations. Cadenza was actually helpful in that respect. Had I been the most vocal supporter, I would almost certainly have been accused of favoritism.” She sipped her tea again. “I do honestly believe you capable, and ideal, for the role of Captain of the Guard. Do not be so hard on yourself.”
Shining finished the rest of his own tea, and set the cup back down on the table. “Well, that’s comforting. Still, it leaves the problem; what do we do now? It seems neither of us has any idea why she’s acting like this, and she’s hardly forthcoming.”
“Indeed.” She tilted her head and began looking up and down his form. He felt vaguely uncomfortable knowing Princess Celestia was checking him out.
“Um. Ma’am.”
“Hm? Oh, sorry. You are certainly attractive. A bit more muscle mass than the average stallion, but that’s to be expected with the military background. In truth, there is little physical difference between you and every other Guard in Canterlot. I cannot imagine why she’s sought you out specifically.”
Shining shifted slightly. “Well, we kinda dated a bit in High School, if you’ll recall. She had the accident before we got serious, and the breakdown was a little later. Hadn’t seen her since, until I ran into her on guard duty one night. She’s… changed.”
“How so?” Princess Celestia appeared intrigued now.
“She’s always acting… Unlike herself? Certainly not how I remember her. Granted, she was always a bit forward, but never like this. Absolutely shameless, as long as she believes it will get us together.”
Princess Celestia nodded, finishing her own tea. “Oh well. Well, if you acquire any new information…”
“I’ll come straight to you.” Shining finished.
A pleasant smile curled across her face, the first time she had done so since he had entered. “Excellent. I am glad to have selected such a cooperative Captain of the Guard, even should he eavesdrop occasionally.”
Shining coughed awkwardly. “Yes… well… Sorry. I got curious.”
Celestia’s eyes glinted, and suddenly Shining couldn’t tell whether she was being benevolent or malevolent. “Perfectly all right. Curiosity is a rare and valuable virtue in my little Ponies these days. Remember, however, that should your loyalty ever come into question, you serve the Crown. And the Crown signs your paycheques.” Shining shivered as Celestia’s visage returned to the warm, motherly image that most Equestrians saw her wearing eternally. “Ah! But I’ve forgotten completely the original reason I requested your presence, Captain.”
“There’s… something else?”
“Of course! Surely you did not think I invited you to my chambers simply to drink tea and gossip of our coworkers? Of course not. In any case, I was looking through the old staff records, and rediscovered a provision to the Captaincy I apparently added myself and then immediately forgot about. As Captain of the Guard, the protection of Ambassadors, Envoys, and Delegates defers to you as well as the protection of the Royal Family, and members of Parliament.”
“I am fully aware of that, yes.”
“And, 342 years past, I added a small provision to the duty, as a favor to Captain Feathered Heart and the then-Ambassador of Prance. You or I may permanently assign any member of the Equestrian Military or Royal Guard as Lord Protector to the Ambassador, Envoy, or what-have-you. Upon the Protected’s return to their country, province, or city-state of origin, or in fact any other point on the globe, they and the Lord Protector are asked whether they would like to continue their duties by accompanying them out-of-state.”
Shining Armour mulled it over. “Considering that’s only a small section of the laws and regulations concerning Lord Protectors, the only real difference I can see is that it’s become slightly more vague as to initial rank of the Protector.”
“Correct. Captain Shining Armour, I am assigning you to the position of Lord Protector of… well, let’s just say an Ambassador who has been giving me trouble, as of late.” Across the room, a drawer of the desk opened, and a scroll took to the air, aided by the Princess’ golden aura. It concluded it’s journey right in front of Shining Armour, who gently took it in his teeth before dropping it onto his hoof, and from there depositing it into a pocket of his uniform. Celestia continued, shifting her aura to ring a bell on a rope next to the door. “That is the appropriate paperwork, which I have already filled out. Or at least, my portion. There are still several spots that require your signature, as well as the Ambassador’s. Her room is number 27, near the end.”
Shining narrowed his eyes at her. “Is there a reason you aren’t telling ‘her’ name, or region of origin?”
Celestia wore a porcelain smile. “In my old age, I must find what little humour I can behind the barrier of bureaucracy. It amuses me. Surely you will not deny me this small joy?”
Shining shook his head. “Can you at least tell me why I’m being assigned as their Lord Protector? I doubt they’re in dire need of a glorified bodyguard.”
“Correct. She is perfectly safe, save several fringe groups and myself, should she continue to antagonize me. I am assigning you to her in the hopes that your presence will temper her gift of mischief, and impart some simple civility upon her. I am assigning you specifically, as opposed to any other local, because I believe it may also get Princess Cadenza to realize you are not interested. We have already seen she is not adept at ‘seeing the forest for the trees’ as it were.”
A spark of hope lit inside Shining. “You really think this will dissuade her?”
Celestia shrugged.”Perhaps. At the very least, it should give you a break. The Ambassador has Bodyguards of her own, and they have all the authority needed to keep Cadenza from entering said Ambassador’s quarters, if you require someplace that she cannot get to.” The door opened, and Blueblood arrived, looking to Celestia for instructions. A simple hoof signal conveyed that he should wait.
Shining grinned openly. “Someplace she can’t actually bug me all the time? Sign me up!” He stood, and with one last wave, walked past Blueblood and exited Princess Celestia’s quarters. As soon as Blueblood shut the door behind him, Princess Celestia slumped to the floor. Blueblood moved to catch her in case she fell, but she shook her head, indicating she was fine.
“Nephew… Am I… Too manipulative?”
Blueblood’s expression was like what one would wear if somepony had just asked to shine their nostrils. “Pardon, Auntie?”
“Am I too manipulative? Do I interfere in too many lives? Directing and controlling, organizing chance meetings… It was never so obvious, but now… I feel guilty for relegating dear Shining to merely another pawn on the board.”
“Auntie, are you feeling alright? Should I call the Royal Physician?”
“No, that should not be necessary. I simply believe I shall be retiring to bed early to-night. My headache has only gotten worse. Reschedule any of to-night’s meetings to another day, if you can.”
“Very good, Auntie. Anything else?”
“No, that should be all for now.” She made her way to the bed, but just before she reached it, she turned back to Blueblood. “Oh! On second thought, there is something. Please check the pantry for leaks, the Chamomile tasted somewhat metallic.”
“Of course, Auntie.”
Shining Armour trotted down the hall, not far from Princess Celestia’s quarters. This hallway, in the eastmost side of the Palace, was where most of the on-site living quarters were. Come to think of it, with his new rank, he likely had a room here somewhere as well. He made a note to ask somepony about that later.
The Princess’ room was all the way at the end, a position of honour. Ideally, none of the rooms were any more important than any other, but that was promptly turned on it’s head when the ponies in charge of those rooms began placing the visitors in order of the Princess’ familiarity, and hence her favorites, closer to her door and going down the hall in parallel pairs.
Thus, he paused when he finally reached room 342, which was all the way at the opposite end of the hall, next to the maid’s quarters. Externally, the door was innocuous enough, but the implications were causing Shining Armour to rethink his eagerness. Tamping those feelings down, he gave the door a series of quick raps with his hoof, then stood back. All too late, he realized that in his excitement, he had never actually taken the time to check who the Ambassador was, or what country they represented. He began frantically digging through his pockets in an attempt to locate the one where had put the scroll, and was still doing so as the door unlocked.
He retrieved the scroll just as the door opened, and stole his attention away. He looked up, and saw a beautiful, yet alien, creature creature standing before him in the doorway. She was nearly the same height, perhaps a bit shorter, than Princess Celestia, the Sun Goddess’ horn and wings mirrored by a twisted, curling spire and thin insectoid wings, respectively. In fact, this creature seemed to be a living mirror image of Princess Celestia in nearly every way, with white fur replaced by black chitin, and elegant legs pierced through-and-through with holes that, by all rights, should have been filled with bone and flesh, yet seemed natural. Her mane was similarly perforated, defying all logic with its aquamarine colour.
And yet, quite a bit of her appearance was more akin to Nightmare Moon. Her afore-mentioned colour was paired with her cat-like eyes, which were sparkling with intelligence and warmth. Her smile was similarly warming, as well as seductive, with a pair of fangs, so tiny they were more cute than scary poking from the corners of her lips. To top off the image, she was posing somewhat seductively, leaning against the doorframe in such a way as to call attention to her flank, which his eyes inevitably wandered to. And to be fair, it was a nice flank, well-rounded without being at all any larger than needbe-
He forced his eyes away, and tried to pretend he hadn’t been staring at her... Lack of Cutie Mark. Yes, that was it. That was his story, and he was sticking to it. Damn Cadance for getting him excited earlier!
Queen Chrysalis, High Queen of the largest independent Changeling Hive known, and Ambassador to the entire Changeling species as of three weeks past, opened the door, and smiled seductively. “Well, well, Big Boy. Business or Pleasure?”
Author's Note
So! New story! This is also notable for being the subject of a couple firsts. It's the first story I've written in which the final draft has been entirely written in Google Docs. Which I like, so I'll continue doing so. Though if anyone notices any formatting errors, lemme know.
Edited October 22nd, of 2014. (Updated Pre-chapter infodump and rewrote Overseer Flash Sentry)