Chapters "Oh my goodness! I thought this spell only worked on jewels!"
This is what I heard when I began to regain consciousness. Shit, I probably knocked out during that run, I thought to my self. When I finally opened my eyes I came face to face with a white unicorn with purple hair, go figure. As any logical human being my first reaction was this.
"Oh my god where the hell am I?! And who and what the hell are you!? Wait you're Rarity from that one show called My Little Pony! You're actually fucking real!"
And with that Rarity let out a weak sigh and fainted flat on her face. I just stared at her for a good ten minutes trying to take in all the excitement that occurred in the past short moments.
"Ok Michael keep it together," I said to myself, "You just blacked out and ended up in the pony land that you're so obsessed with, not a big deal at all."
My self comforting was abruptly interrupted however when I heard a cry of despair.
"Help! Our friend can't swim!"
Holy frijoles! That sounded like the Cutie Mark Crusaders! Totally forgetting that nobody, or nopony in this case, has ever seen me before and that I might freak them out, especially little fillies, I rushed to the rescue. As I got closer to the sounds of the screaming I saw a lake up ahead and something splashing in the middle of it. Oblivious to the consequences I jumped in to do my duty. As I got closer I could tell it was Sweetie Belle! Anyway as I got into her visual range she started to shriek frantically.
"Ahhh! Lake Monster! Help!"
Realizing what must be going through her head I swam up beside her and tried to comfort her, which was a huge mistake on my part.
"Don't worry I'm just here to help you!" I said as a rested my hand on her soft little head.
"Get away from me!" she exclaimed as she splashed around.
"I'm just trying to get you out you little shmuck!"
And with that being said, I got a horn up the nose and a rear hoof in the gut, which knocked the wind out of me. In a state of magical adrenaline, Sweetie Belle was able to teleport herself to the shore as I began to sink to the bottom of the lake. Well I'm sure never going to forget this little trip to Equestria.
I'm in Equestria, its real. I don't fucking believe it but it's actually real. It's funny how drowning in a lake can calm a man. I was actually taking on what had occurred in the past hour. I went from going on a shit run to coming face to face with Rarity and then was abused by a member of the CMC, and now I am sinking to the bottom of a lake. The next sequence of events happened rather quickly, all of a sudden my body was immersed in a glowing purple energy and then the next thing I knew I was out of the water and dumped on the shore gasping for breath.
As I regained oxygen, I realized that I had an audience, the Mane Six up close and in personal.
"What in tarnation is that Twi?" puzzled an orange earth pony who was obviously Applejack.
"I have no idea," stated Twilight, "I didn't even know a species like this existed."
Okay so they obviously have no idea what a human is, now for the big decision, should I tell them about the My Little Pony show and all the merchandise and art and worst of all, the bronies! Okay I kept it a secret at home so that means I can definitely do it here, but wait. This could be a perfect opportunity to show my true colors, show someone er, somepony who I truly am!
Nah.
Okay here goes, but wait I called Rarity by name! As I looked over at her she was slumped over the yellow pegasus Fluttershy and was still knocked out. Eh even if she remembers they won't believe her. Okay now its go time.
"Woah, where am I and who are you?" I asked in my best confused voice.
"Holy hay bales it talks!" shouted the spunky multi-colored Pegasus. Ah Rainbow dash, always so subtle.
"Well you're in Equestria, just outside the town of Ponyville, and what exactly are you mister?" questioned the logically minded Twilight.
"Oh well you see I'm a..." I started before I was interrupted by a pink ball of energy.
"OMYHOSH YOUR SOMEPONY I DONT KNOW WELL YOU KNOW ME NOW IM PINKIE PIE AND I LOVE THROWING PARTIES FOR KNEW PONIES AND THINGS LIKE YOU, GASP! I KNOW ILL THROW A PARTY FOR YOU!"
Its a good thing I watch the show because if I didn't Pinkie would have scared the shit out of me. Now instead of being intimidated by her I decided to in a contex fight fire with fire. I took a deep breath and gave my best Pinkie impersonation.
"HOLEY MOLE YOU'RE RIGHT! A PARTY IS AN AWESOME IDEA, BUT MAKE SURE IT HAS BALLOONS AND STREAMERS AND CAKE, OMYGOSH IM SO EXCITED I CAN'T WAIT." Whew, I have no idea how Pinkie is able to blurt out those ridiculously long run on sentences, I was nearly out of breath. Now Pinkies reaction was quite interesting, at first she just stood there in awe, then a gigantic smile spread across her face, she gave me a quick tight hug then dashed away singing about lollipops and cupcakes or something like that. After all that action I finally managed to get on my feet. As I stood, the audience I had was forced to bend their necks back at me in order to get a good look. Now I stand an average 6'0. I concluded that an average pony was about 4 feet tall.
"Well I suppose you should come back to Ponyville with us," Twilight said, "I have to notify the Princess you're here, plus I have a few questions for you."
Yeah a few questions, that's hilarious.
"Sounds good to me," I responded. We were just starting to leave when I was stopped by a certain trio of Phillies.
"Sorry for hurting you mister" apologized a very embarrassed Sweetie Belle.
"Aw no harm done," I lied "Just be sure to keep your horn to yourself."
She blushed at this, and I decided to make my exit and to carry on to my still developing adventure.
Judging from the sun I came to the conclusion that I have been being questioned for a grueling five hours almost. Twilight had messaged Princess Celestia about my appearance when we reached her tree house, Celestia messaged back saying she would arrive with her sister and co-princess Luna. Seeing an open opportunity, Twilight didn't hesitate to suck me dry with questions.
"And how exactly did he get his foot in the toilet?" questioned Twilight.
"Wait, what?" I puzzled, "How did we even get on this subject?"
"Oh, well you were telling the story of how you and your friend stole answers for a test from a teacher, and all of a sudden you skipped ahead to where your friend stuck his foot in a toilet, so how did it get there."
"Oh! Right, right, well you see our teacher caught on to us and we needed to get rid of the evidence, so we tried to flush the answers down the toilet," I explained,"But the toilet became clogged, so in an act of desperation my friend proceeded to force it down the pipe with his foot."
"Wow! Human stress levels are amazing!" gushed Twilight "You guys go to great lengths just to avoid detention!"
"Oh please you think that was a great length?" I boasted.
"Well then tell me more!" urged Twilight. She'd already used up a good twenty 100 page notebooks, I don't see how she could write any more. Before I could begin a new story a bright flash of light engulfed the room, and standing proudly before us was Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.
"Princess Twilight Sparkle." proclaimed the graceful Celestia.
"Princess please, just call me Twilight." said the embraced alicorn.
"Very well, and you must be Michael!" she exclaimed as she walked up to me. Surprisingly so me and Celestia were the exact same height, excluding her horn of course.
"That I am, and it's a pleasure to make you acquaintance your majesty." I declared as I politely bowed before her.
"Oh no need to bow Michael, but I'm honored at your reverence."
Standing up I looked towards the very silent Luna. I gave her a smooth standing bow, which she smiled at. Alright got on Luna's good side bonus points for me!
"I imagine you want to find out why you have appeared in the land of Equestria." suggested Celestia.
"Yeah that sounds like a good place to start." I responded.
Celestia giggled at this, was it that funny? Jeez this princess seems to laugh at anything.
"Well the truth is you were brought here by a rouge jewel spell sent by the Element of Generosity while she was on a diamond hunting excursion." the princess explained.
"That would explain me coming face to face with her in the woods," I stated. "And why she fainted"
"Yes but as of now me on my royal sister are working on spell that will return you to your own man," assured Celestia.
"Sounds like a plan to me!" I lied. It's every brony's dream to be transported to Equestria, it isn't my dream particularly, but when the goings good I don't wana go!
"How long will it take to come up with a spell?" I inquired.
"Oh, not for a good six months," said Celestia.
"Well I'm just going to have to make the best of it!" I stated.
"I'm glad you feel that way Michael," said Celestia, "Well its time me and Luna headed back to Canterlot, and oh you will be staying with Twilight until we can send you home, good bye!" And with a flash of light the royals were gone.
"Do you know what this means?" I asked Twilight.
"No, what?"
"Slumber party!!!!"
Twilight was generous enough to lend me her spare bed upstairs, but I soon learned that pony beds were definitely not made for human features. I decided to make my way downstairs and find a sleeping place down there. Thankfully, I found a quite comfortable couch in which I rested my body.
At this time I tried to wrap my head around what just happened in the past twelve hours. Am I dreaming? How can this possibly be real? This is a fucking cartoon show! It just can't be real. I thought back to the moment where I had the chance to tell Celestia the truth about where I came from and about My Little Pony the show and how all the characters from that show exist here, in the same land of Equestria! All I had to do was tell the truth and maybe I would have a better understanding of what was going on, rather than risking a case of insanity.
As I mulled through my mind I heard a creak from the front door of Twilight's library, I looked over to see a very familiar purple and green dragon, Spike! Right when we made eye contact I realized that he didn't know who or what I was, and as he let out a gasp I prepared for the worse.
"Whoa! You must be that creature Twilight told me about!" exclaimed the dragon as I stood to greet him. "Oh sorry I'm Spike, and wow, you really are tall!"
"Pleasure to meet you!" I said shaking his claw, "I'm Michael, and I am only average height in relation to my species.
"Wow! That's amazing!" Spike pronounced.
"Yeah it's pretty great." I said sadly, as I hit a wall of homesickness.
"What's wrong?" questioned Spike.
"Ah nothing." I lied, "Just tired, that's all."
"Okay well I'll let you get some rest." said Spike, "I hope you like it here in Ponyville!"
"I have to say everyone, er everypony has been very friendly." I responded. Spike gave me a smile and he headed upstairs.
Finding that I couldn't sleep, I went outside for a nightly stroll. My head was tilt upward the entire time. The night sky was absolutely flawless.
"Wow, it's beautiful." I whispered to myself.
"You really think so?" questioned a voice behind me. I whirled around to come face to face with none other than the graceful princess of the night, Luna.
"Where you following me?" I accused.
"Well I wasn't planning on it, but I saw you wandering about Ponyville so I decided to see what you were up to." answered the princess.
"Well I was just taking and walk and was enjoying the scenery." I said.
"So you really think the night sky is beautiful?" she asked.
"Um yeah." I responded uneasily. "It's quite a spectacle." Luna blushed after I said this.
"It's just that nopony is even out to see my night," she explained. "But I'm glad you are."
"Well I um, just happy to help." I managed to say.
"Goodnight sir human, it was good seeing you again." with that she spread he wings and disappeared into the great night sky.
"Well that was, odd" I said to myself. There was a certain look in her eye, a look that I just couldn't put my finger on. But I couldn't worry about this at the moment, now I needed some sleep.
I awoke to a variety of smells and noises coming from the tiny kitchen. I looked up to see Twilight using her magic to flip what it looked like to be an egg in a pan.
“Whatcha making over there?” I inquired.
“Oh your awake!” said the startled Twilight. “Just making some eggs.”
“But you’re a pony,” I stated. “Ponies eat eggs?”
“No it’s for you silly!” answered Twilight. “Eggs and fish are the only exceptions we give to omnivores like you!” When Twilight first took me in, she unloaded a monstrosity of questions on me. One of which was what type of food I ate. When I answered her stating that I ate both plants and meat, Twilight became rather startled. However I explained that humans were the only sentient beings back where I lived, and that we didn’t eat horses or ponies no matter what. She relaxed a bit after I explained this and I assured her I would do no meat eating of any kind during my stay in Equestria.
“Eat up! You got am eventful day today!” announced Twilight.
“That’s an understatement” mumbled Spike.
“Wait, how so?” I questioned.
“I promised your presence at sugar cube corner for the entire day.” said Twilight.
“What, am I working there now?” I teased.
“Not exactly.” Responded Twilight as she game me a smug grin. Oh okay, I know exactly what’s going on. Pinkie is throwing me one of her legendary surprise parties. Yup Twilight and Spike were both right. Its going to be an eventful day and that is an understatement.
I ate my eggs and drank my juice, then brushed my teeth. As I looked up to the mirror in Twilights microscopic bathroom it hit me. I’m wearing the same smelly baseball clothes I had at practice. I wore a red shirt that had the word ‘Knights’ in big black letters, and I had it tucked in to my grey baseball pants held up with a black belt which were pulled up to my knees, revealing red socks. I didn’t have my hat however which revealed thick wavy black hair.
In an effort to look slightly more presentable, I pulled my pant legs down so that my socks were covered. Then I desperately began to comb my hair which was imbedded with cowlicks.
“This is ridiculous.” I muttered to myself. I guess it is true, when one comes to Equestria, the have to visit Rarity to get new clothes. Twilight said we had to leave in a few minutes so that visit would have to wait. I made my way downstairs to a waiting Spike and Twilight.
“So, how do I look?” I asked.
“Tall.” said Spike blankly.
“Err, um interesting!” blurted out Twilight.
“Ha-ha, you guys don’t have to lie to me.” I laughed. “I know I need new clothes, so ill probably visit Rarity soon.”
“Good idea.” said Twilight as we walked out the door. “Wait, how did you know Rarity made clothes?”
“I err um, can’t you tell?” I fumbled “Her style sense and well oh look we’re here!” Thankfully, Sugarcube corner stood before us as I received suspicious looks from both Twilight and her assistant.
“Ill open it!” bubbled a now excited Spike. Brace for impact aaaaaand, nothing? Sure enough the eating establishment was completely empty, not a pony in site, there was however an envelope on the floor addressed to ‘Human Thing.’ Knowing the intentions I picked it up and opened it. I was surprised when about two gallons of confetti poured out of it, followed by a little note, it reads as followed.
“Dear Human Thing, its Pinkie!!!!! Soooooo glad you got my note! Did you like the confetti? Did ya? Did ya? Wellll anyways this note is to inform you that your presence is required at Applejacks barn instead. Xoxo – Pinke.”
Letting out an annoyed sigh I exited the restaurant followed by the alicorn and dragon to Applejack’s barn. This was actually the first time I had strolled through Ponyville when it was populated, and ponies were seeing me for the first time. Their reactions to me weren’t too bad; most were just a double take and then back to business. But one recognizable unicorn pushed the boundaries. The moment the minty green pony laid her eyes on me they did not come off. I waited a good ten seconds before I told Twilight.
“Hey what’s that mare’s problem over there?” I questioned.
“Oh that’s just Lyra, which makes me wish I warned her about your arrival.” said Twilight. “Yeah and she’s obsessed with these creatures that look just like you” A look of realization came on Twilights face as she put things together.
“Sweet Celestia!” gasped Twilight. “You’re one of the creatures that Lyra has been studying!”
“No kidding” I chuckled.
“Oh, now I feel so bad!” exclaimed Twilight. “No body believed her, and I thought she was just crazy!”
I looked back at the still gaping Lyra and gave her a smile and a wave. She returned the favor but fainted dead away afterwards.
“Lets just get to Applejacks okay?” I insisted.
We were now making our way through the Apple family’s apple orchard. There were trees as far as the eye could see. In comparison to me however the trees were quite small, only about four feet taller than me. We then reached the front of the barn. Nearby there was a barrel with an apple on it with a piece of paper that said, ‘To: Human Thing.” Being the polite person that I am, I took the apple and gave it a big bite.
“Oh my god.” It was the greatest thing I have every put in my mouth. My taste buds were practically having sex.
“This ish grevt” I sputtered out between bites. I mean it was so fucking good! I was on my third bite when I began to feel a little drowsy and dizzy. I looked over to the now three Twilights and Spikes.
“Hey guyssss, sssomethins not right” I mumbled out as my vision blurred and I went black.
“Gah, what happened?” I mumbled as I slowly made my way back into consciousness. I then realized I was blindfolded as my open eyes were met with a thinck fabric. Then it hit me.
“Oh no.” I gasped. The cupcakes parody is real! Any minute now Pinkie would be cutting away at my body. But then again I wasn’t tied down which was a good sign, so maybe I had a chance!
“Uh, hello?” I called out hopefully. All of a sudden the blindfold was pulled off of my head and I came face to face with, you guessed it, Pinkie Pie.
“Surprise!” she yelled.
“Holy crap!” I blurted out. Pinkie had gotten me, and she had gotten me good. I was obviously inside the Apple family barn. It was decorated with hundreds of balloons and streamers, and there was pastries as far as the eye could see.
I then turned my attention to heavy breathing Pinkie Pie who was waiting for my opinion.
“How?” was all I gout get out. Pinkie took a big breath and then proceeded with the explanation.
“Well you see when I first met you by the lake I could tell that you liked surprises just as much as I do and well I didn’t want to disappoint you so when my Pinkie sense told me that you already knew about the party at sugar cube corner I immediately changed it to be at Sweet Apple Acres! Since I knew were a hard nut to crack I knocked you out with that special apple so that you would have second thoughts about the party, and at the last minute I pulled the blindfold off of your head and SURPRISE a party just for you! So whaddya think?”
I sat silent as I let the hyperventilating Pinkie Pie catch her breath, once she clamed down, I proceeded to speak.
“I got to say Pinkie,” I said. “You got me good, hell you got me real good. Nobody err nopony has every given me a surprise like this before, you get an A+ from me!” I couldn’t tell if Pinkie was going to explode or sneeze by the face she was making but she quickly squeezed me with a tight hug.
“Glad you think so!” she beamed. “Now go and enjoy your party!” I smiled and then stood up to take in the view. I got to say Pinkie did a marvelous job decorating in such short time. There was even a giant ice sculpture depicting my likeness! How she was able to make that with out a model I will never know, but it didn’t stop me from enjoying it.
I then ran into the mane six, who I wasn’t properly introduced to, but Twilight soon took care of that.
“Girls, I’m sure you remember Michael from the lake the other day.”
“But of course!” gushed Rarity. I was a little alarmed the she remembered, I hope she didn’t remember what I said to her when I first saw her.
“I heard it was my fault you were.” She continued. “I can’t remember much of what happened, just that I woke up on Fluttershy’s back.” I let out a sigh of relief; hopefully her memory stays that way.
“Pleasure to officially make you acquaintance miss rarity.” I smoothly said as a bowed down and kissed her hoof.
“Ooh such a gentle colt!” she purred. Okay I’ve softened her up, now to test her generosity.
“I hear that you are quite the clothes maker,” I sucked up. “Would you be interested in making me a few items?”
“But of course dear!” she practically shouted. “You needn’t have to ask.”
“Very well then.” I responded. “And how much would that cost me?”
“Oh free of charge!” she gushed. “It’s the least I can do for causing you to be taken away from home!” Oh yeah! Free clothes for me!
“Well thank you very much!” I said. “And it was nice seeing you again.”
“Same to you darling.” said Rarity as she walked away. “Come by the shop anytime!”
I then turned to Applejack and Rainbow Dash who were both waiting to formally introduce themselves.
“Howdy pardner!” started Applejack. “I’m Applejack, owner of this here…”
“I’m Rainbow Dash!” the cyan pegasus interrupted. “Fastest flyer in all of Equestria!”
“Wow! Awesome to meet ya’ll” I said, extending my hand to Applejack who quit her sulking from Rainbow Dash’s interruption. However, Rainbow swooped in and intercepted my handshake.
“Ha-ha I’m all about awesome!” boasted the cocky pony.
“Gol’darnit, Rainbow! You’re always getting in the way!” fumed Applejack.
“Not my fault that somepony is too weak to keep up.” Egged Rainbow Dash
“Oh yeah?” challenged Applejack. And the before you knew it the two ponies were in the middle of a heated hoof wrestling match.
“I’m just going to go and say hello to everypony else.” I said quietly as I backed away. Those two and their feud, always at each others necks, how amusing. I then came to the final pony I had yet to introduce my self to.
“Hey I’m Michael!” I said extending my hand. The yellow pegasus took it and shook it gingerly.
“I’m Fluteshhh” she mumbled. Yeah I knew her name, but I couldn’t resist a show of cuteness.
“I’m sorry, didn’t catch that.” I lied.
“I’m Fluttershy” she managed to squeak out. Darn, she got it on her second try, oh well.
“Well it’s a pleasure to meet you Fluttershy.” I said softly. “Maybe we’ll see each other around sometime.”
“Oh that would be, nice.” Said the soft spoken pony as she trotted away. Jeez she was just so cute! So sweet and innocent, and beautiful. No! No crushes on ponies Michael, but it’s so hard! She’s like a person she lives speaks and thinks like a human, but she isn’t a human!
Rubbing my head I decided to set aside that conflict for now and just enjoy the party. I came to a table to what looked like apple cider, hmm no alcohol anywhere. I guess its true, ponies don’t drink. I opened a bottle of cider expecting a sweet taste and took a gulp only to choke on the liquid. I curiously looked at the front of the bottle, on read: HARD Apple Cider 18+. So this was like their alcohol, very interesting. Satisfied I continued on drinking the beverage.
At this point I’m a little buzzed, but still all together. I noticed that the well know DJ PON-3 was in attendance spinning away her records, but sadly it was the same boring music she played at Rarity’s fashion show. I pulled out my i-pod and amazingly found out it had about 10% battery left. Well its now or never, I approached the DJ and extended my iPod.
“Is there anyway you could hook this up to your speakers?” I asked hopefully.
“Hmm, I don’t think so.” She replied. “But I can probably magically synchronize it!”
“Great!” I then carefully selected the song and handed the iPod to the blue and white unicorn. Then her blue magical aurora surrounded both the iPod and the speakers as I crossed by fingers.
Sure enough the opening sequence of Bangarang by Skrillex started to sound out from the speakers. Now mind you I’m no dubstepper, this is only of my very few songs like this for intense work outs.
“Now it’s a party.” I said to Vinyl right as the bass dropped. The ponies reactions were priceless, some fainted dead away as others just stood there with wide eyes and open mouths. After the first minute or so however, they got used to it and were jumping up and down with the rhythm.
“This stuff is great!” shouted Vinyl over the music. “What do you call it?” Mulling over the options in my head, I picked out a good name.
“It’s called wubs!” I lied. Vinyl approved by nodding her head up and down. I then sat down to finish off my now sixth bottle of hard cider. I then noticed that it was extremely hard to keep my eyes open, and with Skrillex blasting in the background, I blacked out for my record 3rd time in a day and a half.
It’s not good to get used to blacking out every ten hours, and I was just waking up from my third. The first thing I noticed was a foreign mass that was resting on my chest, as my eyes adjusted to the light I realized that Fluttershy was laying on top of me fast asleep.
Ah, come on Michael! You promised yourself no romantic relationships with ponies, it’s not right! Well it could have been different, just one friend using the other friend as a pillow! As the voices continued to argue in my head, I got a good close up look of Fluttershy. What can I say, she is absolutely adorable. As she slept her body moved slowly up and down, letting out a teeny tiny whistle every time she breathed out. Gah so cute! What really got me was the tiny drop of drool that was beginning to form on her bottom lip.
Coming back to reality I quickly surveyed my surroundings, I was still in the Apple family barn with morning sunlight streaming through open windows giving me the impression that it was around 10:00. We were the only ones left, nopony was to be seen. My eye then caught sight of a little note beside my head, it read:
Dear Michael,
You seemed very comfortable at the moment so ill let you get some sleep, now I bet you’re wondering why Fluttershy is laying on top of you, well after we lost you to hard cider you started doing some strange things, one of which was making out with your ice sculpture. Now when Fluttershy said she was tired and was ready to leave you quickly insisted that she should stay and use yourself as a pillow. Fluttershy was reluctant, but eventually gave in to your pleas. And that is why there is a sleeping pegasus on top of you!
PS-
Spike and I will be leaving for Canterlot at noon to take care of some royal business so do try to behave while we are gone.
Your friend- Twilight
Wow, the first time I ever got dead drunk and it’s with the characters from My Little Pony. Not wanting to disturb her, I gently picked Fluttershy up and set her on a bale of hay next to me. As I stood up it felt like I just got hit by a train, project hangover commencing. I managed to drag my self outside and was met by the evil sun that was beating me with heat and penetrating my eyes with light.
“Well howdy there partner!” yelled a familiar southern voice. I turned to see Applejack pulling a cart full of freshly picked, or should I say kicked, apples.
“Hey Applejack.” I yawned. “Getting an early start I see."
“Haha early?” laughed AJ. “An early start for me is three in tha mornin sugarcube!”
I shuddered at thought of having to get up that early in the morning, anything before seven is a struggle for me.
“So how you two lovebirds doing in there?” teased Applejack.
“What? No!” I blurted out, “What gives you that idea?”
“Well the fact that you two were snuggling each other all night!” answered Applejack. “And that puppy story you told her pretty much made her fall in love with you”
“Uh, what puppy story?” I blanked.
“You know! The one day you just volunteered at the animal shelter, and you were walking home and you saw a puppy sitting in the street, then a four wheeled motor vehicle came and you risked your life to save the puppy. Fluttershy was practically in tears when you were done,” explained Applejack.
Shit! I am in deep trouble; now Fluttershy thinks I’m some animal hero, no wonder she’s in love with me.
“Um yeah it’s all coming back to me.” I lied. “Well I'll be seeing you Applejack bye!”
"Okay sugarcube, just let me know when the wedding is!" Applejack joked.
I then sprinted back towards the barn. Okay Michael, all you got to do is tell her the truth, but this could be our chance to win her over! We are not going to have a relationship with a pony, and then you want to lie on top off it all. Oh everyone tells a white lie now and again, what’s the harm? As the demon and angel continued to go at it in my brain I came upon the spot where I had rested Fluttershy, but she was gone. Damn it! Doing a quick search around the barn I came to the conclusion that she did indeed left. Seeing no point in staying around I then made my way back to Twilights tree house.
The sun was high in the sky so it was round noon meaning that Twilight and spike were on their way to Canterlot. As I approached Twilights door I noticed a little yellow note resting on the ground in front. I picked it up and realized it was addressed to me, the note smelled just like Fluttershy, like a big mush of flowers all rolled into one scent. I started to get goose bumps as I opened it. It read:
Dear Michael,
The story you told me really touched my heart in a way that no other pony has ever done before, now I know you’re not a pony but you seem like a nice human. I was sad when I woke up and you weren’t there, but I’m sure you had your reasons. Anyways it was nice to officially meet you last night, and if you every want to meet again, you are always welcome to come by my cottage.
Love, Fluttershy.
God even her letters are drop dead adorable. I then opened the door and walked in, my eyes meeting the very comfortable couch. Laying down I tried to devise a plan that would get me out of this mess. My one goal is to not make Fluttershy cry, that’s just something everyone needs to put on their never do this list. If I make her cry then I won’t be able to forgive myself.
Instead of waiting for Twilight and Spike to return from Canterlot, I decided to pay Rarity a visit and have her whip me up some new clothes. After all she said she would do it for free, and who am I to pass up free anything?
When I reached the Carousel Boutique the Cutie Mark Crusaders looked as though they were up to their old tricks. An alarmed looking Sweetie Belle was strapped to an abnormally large rocket that was being fastened on by Applebloom as Scootaloo struck a match to light the fuse.
“Oh hey Michael!” greeted Applebloom. “Care to watch our rocket launch?”
“Um, ill have to pass on that invitation girls.” I said. “But good luck with that!” As I opened and walked through the front door I heard the trio of phillies shout something together.
“Cutie Mark Crusaders Rocket Flyers!” This was followed by a scream, a loud boom, and a lot of crying. Jeez those girls just don’t know where to draw the line.
“Ah, hello there darling.” Greeted the very proper Rarity.
“Hey Rarity, just came by to take you up on your offer for those free clothes.”
“But of course!” she gushed. “Just disrobe and stand over there so I can take your measurements.”
“Uh, disrobe?” I gulped.
“Yes darling, so I can get accurate measurements!” responded Rarity as she went to the back room to get supplies.
“Well okay.” I consented, as I reluctantly began to take off my clothes. First my pants which followed by my sliding pants underneath and then finally my shirt, leaving me in my socks and boxers. Rarity came out and then gave me a disapproving look.
“Disrobe all the way dear.” She said.
“Um yeah, see I’m not a pony.” I explained. “And I can’t, well, hide my junk like the male ponies can.”
“Oh, oh my.” Blushed Rarity. “Well I can make do.” Rarity then proceeded to take my measurements. After she was done she asked what kind of apparel humans normally wear.
“Well nothing too fancy, unless it’s a formal occasion,” I explained. “Usually I just wear t-shirts and shorts.”
“Interesting,” replied Rarity. “And can you please sketch out these items.” Now I’m not an above par artist, hell I’m not even a par artist. I did my pest to sketch out a t-shirt and some shorts and then gave it to Rarity. She looked them over carefully and then set it on her inspiration board.
“Now what color would you like them?” she asked.
“Well my favorite color is blue, so a cobalt blue shirt with khaki shorts.” I responded.
“That’s it?” Questioned Rarity.
“Well you can experiment with some different colors for the shirts,” I said. “But just leave the shorts khaki.”
“Alright, sounds good!” she jubilantly responded.
“Thanks Rarity.” I smiled. “This really means a lot.”
“It’s no trouble at all” insisted Rarity, “It’s the least I could do.”
“Fair enough, so when can I swing by to pick them up?” I asked as I stepped out the door.
“They should be ready within the next day!” said Rarity. “So you can pick them up then!”
“Ok, thanks Rarity!” I called as I walked out on the street. I noticed that there was a rather large crater where the CMC’s were doing their rocket testing. Ah, they’ll learn someday.
As I as making my way back to Twilight’s tree house I caught site of a certain yellow mare that was making her way through the market place. Fluttershy was going to and from different stands, obviously buying ingredients to make Angel something.
Okay Michael, now is you’re chance to finally come clean, just walk up to her, tell her you were a little, okay a lot drunk, and you made up the story you told her, and it will be all water under the bridge. But she thinks you’re awesome! And that’s what you want, seize the opportunity and don’t tell her! Just when I thought I was going to lose my mind to the voices in my head, I heard a crash followed by a scream.
I looked up to see the CMC rocket that was somehow still airborne, Sweetie Belle was still attached to it as Scootaloo and Applebloom were giving chase. I paid no attention to them until the rocket struck a wagon sending it rolling rapidly down the street I was standing in. I quickly jumped to safety with plenty of time to spare.
“Quack, quack.”
What was that? I looked to my left to see a family of ducks walking out into the street completely unaware of the runaway wagon. I could tell that they would never make it in time, wait. This was it I could prove I am an animal hero! The next five seconds seemed to take a half an hour, I looked up to see a very anxious Fluttershy observing the scene helplessly, I then looked at the family of ducks that now noticed the wagon. Right as I was about step out to the rescue, I realized this could be the perfect way to show Fluttershy I’m not a hero, sure some duck will get hurt in the process, but I can finally come clean! I closed my eyes and turned away just to here a ‘SQUACK’ followed by a ‘CRUNCH” I cringed at the gory noises. Well I’m screwed.
As the dust settled, I looked up to see Fluttershy tending the assortment of mangled feathers. As I got closer she looked up at me.
“Fluttershy, I…” I began.
“The mothers dead, her children are orphans now.” whispered Fluttershy, she then turned to me. “How come you didn’t save them!”
Okay here we go, confession time.
“Listen Fluttershy, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” I started. “Remember when I told you about the puppy? Well I completely made that up. I was really drunk when I told you, and I just wanted to impress you. I’m no hero.”
“So you lied to me?” whimpered Fluttershy.
“Well um, yeah I did.” I said degradedly.
“But why didn’t you save the ducks?” she questioned. ‘Just because you weren’t a hero then, doesn’t mean you can’t be a hero now.” Well, shit, it looks like I made the worst decision of my life.
“I though that if I showed you I’m not a hero I could finally come clean to you without it being awkward.” I said stupidly. Wow, that plan was really, dumb.
Tears started to form in Fluttershy’s beautiful deep blue eyes.
“No no no no no no no!” I begged. “Please don’t…”
“You just let them die!” bawled Fluttershy. “So you could avoid an awkward conversation? With me!? Picking up the ducklings and deceased mom, Fluttershy galloped away in tears.
Well I did it; I made the one and only Fluttershy cry. How am I ever going to fix this mess? I could have avoided all of this, all I needed to do was tell the truth, and have them discover my true self.
I walked back to the tree house with my head hung low. I actually made Fluttershy cry. That’s like punishable by death in the bronys world! My main concern for now was hoping that the rest of the main six wouldn’t here of my shameful display.
As I approached Twilight’s library, I noticed some movement coming from the second story windows. Shit, that means she’s returned from Canterlot, Twilight couldn’t have found out though Fluttershy lives all the way out near the Everfree forest, plus she’s shy, she couldn’t have told Twilight or anypony for that matter. I walked through the door hoping for the best.
“Hey, I’m back! How was….” My heart sunk when I took in my surroundings.
Five angry pairs of eyes stared me down, well four pairs, Pinkie was looking at a moth.
“What do you have to say for yourself?” shouted a very angry Twilight.
“Uh, what you mean?” I said playing dumb.
“You know exactly what we mean!” interjected Rainbow Dash us she flew up into my face. “Lying about yourself, and then letting Fluttershy’s ducks die for your own benefit?”
“Well it sounds so bad when you say it that way.” I said weakly.
“Why I oughta…” threatened Rainbow as she lunged at me, before she was engulfed by Rarity’s blue magical aurora.
“Now, now no rough housing.” Scolded rarity. “As for you mister, I’m ashamed! I expected more from you!”
“Well I…” I began.
“Not to mention the fact that you made her cry!” chimed in Applejack. “The last time I’ve seen her cry that much is when everypony found out that she used hair extensions.”
“Listen girls, when I told that story I was extremely drunk.” I desperately explained. “Now yes that part with the ducks I take full responsibility, I truly am sorry!”
“We’re not the ones you need to be apologizing to.” Said Twilight.
“Aw you know she could probably use some space.” I said flustered. “Better give her a couple weeks.”
A purple aurora of magic then engulfed me as I was levitated out of the door.
“You’re not allowed in my home until you’ve apologized to her.” Stated Twilight, and with that the door was slammed in my face and I was alone.
Seeing no point in hanging around Ponyville, I reluctantly made my way towards Fluttershy’s cottage. As I walked through town, I got disappointed looks from everypony I saw! Jeez did everyone find out that I made Fluttershy cry? Man, when Fluttershy cries the world cries with her. I finally made it out of town and onto the road that led to Fluttershy’s cottage. I then caught sight of a trio of very recognizable young phillies.
“Oh hey Michael” said Sweetie Belle with her head hung low.
“Oh hey girls.” I responded.
“Oh we feel terrible!” said Applebloom.
“Yeah, if it weren’t for us, Fluttershy wouldn’t be mad at you.” explained Scootaloo.
“Don’t blame yourselves,” I assured. “One way or another Fluttershy would have found out I was lying to her.”
“So are you going to apologize?” asked Scootaloo.
“Yeah, if I don’t Twilight won’t let me sleep at her house until I do.” I answered.
“We could help you!” exclaimed Applebloom.
“Yeah! We’ve made Fluttershy cry before, so we know how to handle this!” said Sweetie Belle.
“Didn’t Angel slam the door in your face?” I questioned.
“Oh, yeah,” Scootaloo said degradedly. “Wait, how did you know about that?” All eyes were giving me suspicious looks.
“Oh! Um Rarity told me about! Yeah that’s it!” I answered shakily.
“Oh, okay.” said Applebloom with a still suspicious look on her face. Shit I almost gave myself up again! I need to learn to be more careful.
We kept on walking for about five minutes until we reached Fluttershy’s cottage. I got to say, it looks just like it does in the T.V show. As we approached the door, I could here some conversation coming from inside. My curiosity got the best of me as I managed to peek in through the front window. There was Fluttershy and duck family, minus the mom, Fluttershy had the ducklings under her wing as she talked to them.
“Oh don’t worry,” Fluttershy assured through teary eyes. “You’re going to love your new home here. Even though we are a tad bit crowded.”
She wasn’t kidding, critters of all shapes and sizes were crawling around in hr home, there was hardly any empty space. Having my fill of eves dropping it was time for me to do my duty.
“Okay, you girls better knock.” I said. “I’ll just stand over here.”
Sweetie Belle then proceeded to knock on the large wooden door. Moments later it was opened by the yellow pegasus.
“Oh, hello girls.” Sniffed Fluttershy as a tear rolled down her cheek. “What can I do for you”
“Now, don’t be mad Fluttershy.” insisted Scootaloo.
“We just brought a certain someone who wants to apologize.” explained Applebloom.
“Thanks girls, I’ll take it from here.” I said I stepped into Fluttershy’s view. Just the sight of me had Fluttershy fighting back tears. Jeez this is gonna be hard.
“Hello Michael.” She whispered at an almost inaudible volume.
“Listen Fluttershy, I’ve been a real jerk. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. When I lied about rescuing the puppy it was just to impress you. I know how much you love animals, and I took advantage of that.” I explained. “And then letting the mother duck die was just cowardly of me.”
“Even though we caused it to happen.” Interjected Sweetie Belle.
“Yeah! The wagon went crazy because of us!” agreed Applebloom.
“Thanks girls, but it was my lack of action that led to mothers death, and I am truly sorry for it.”
“Oh, I can’t stay mad at anypony,” admitted Fluttershy, “I forgive you.”
“Wait, what?” I questioned astonished. “That’s it? There’s got to be something that I can do to make up for what I have done!”
I was desperate, I’m not going to sit around knowing that I had made Fluttershy cry and then didn’t do anything to make up for it.
“Well um since you insist,” said Fluttershy quietly. “I’m pretty stocked up with animals in here, and the orphaned ducklings need a safe quiet place to stay, you could take them in, if that’s alright with you.”
“I’ll do it!” I said immediately. Anything to get the guilt off of my chest. Fluttershy’s eyes lit up.
“You will?” she said with a smile. “Oh thank you so much!” She then squeezed me in a massive hug in which I blushed, which caused her to blush, which caused the CMC’s to make barfing noises.
“Oh I’ll go get the ducklings.” Said Fluttershy as she trotted back into the cottage.
Okay, now I’ve come clean to Fluttershy, now I have to decide whether or not I want to reveal my knowledge of Equestria to the princesses, that will have to wait for now.
“Okay little ones.” Said Fluttershy as she returned to the doorway. “Right this way.”
There were three of them, all tiny and cute with large frightened eyes.
“Michael, this is Pete, Katie, and Tom,” said Fluttershy. “Pete, Katie, and Tom, this is Michael, your new daddy.”
Oh dear.
Monday's, the day of the week that everyone dreads. Now on this particular Monday, a certain someone had a very different attitude towards the dawning of this day.
"It's finally here!" a voice shouted. Followed by footsteps rumbling down the stairs, bolting for the front door.
A somewhat angelic voice rang out, "Michael, will you please calm down? You're going to wake your little sister."
I, Michael Peruzzi, was finally going to have it. I opened the door and found a UPS box sitting on my front step. Elated, I began to rip through the packaging until I hit the jack pot.
I grabbed it and held it high in the air, it was my new A2000 Rawlings baseball glove. After all of my elated excitement, it kind of hit me that it was Monday. I then find myself to be back in my regular motions.
Approximately twenty minutes later I find myself at the front gates of Hardwood Senior High, please don't laugh at the name. As I stroll through campus I catch the sight of the brony group. Those poor guys, they get so much shit just because they express what they truly enjoy. If everyone at this school did that, then I would be right over the with them. Being the fact that I'm a closet brony feels like im cheating myself, not giving myself the chance to express who I really am.
Regular classes seemed to drag along today, but it was finally time for baseball practice, and the perfect opportunity to show off my sexy new glove, okay sexy is strong word, my eye appealing glove. But before I could whip out my baby, one of the assistant coaches stopped me at the dugout.
"What the hell is that shit right there?" he questioned pointing towards my chin. Automatically thinking about showing off my new glove, I pull it out and present it to him.
"Well, what do you think coach?" I gushed.
"Oh! You want to know what I think?" he inquired as he took the glove, "I think that this was not what I was fucking talking about!" with that being shouted, he hurls my glove over my head and into the awaiting trash can. Bewildered, I turned to my coach for an explanation.
"No facial hair on the baseball field!" he stated. Shit! I knew I forgot to shave this morning.
"And since you keep coming out here with that scraggly patch on your chin," he spat, "You can treat yourself to a free trip twice around the school!" With that my jaw hit the floor, our school has a lot of rural area. So it probably has the same square mileage as The Great Salt Lake. Reluctantly I headed toward the gate to proceed on my little excursion, but little did I know that that little excursion would lead to a fantastic adventure!
As usually it was a beautiful day in Ponyville, birds were chirping, squirrels were gathering nuts, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were causing a ruckus. A blur of orange white and yellow swept in and out of the town. The young orange Pegasus was at the wheel, while a unicorn and a earth pony rode in the passenger wagon.
"I can't believe I never thought of this before!" Exclaimed Scootaloo as she performed a trick on her vehicle. "I should have pursued a scooter cutie mark ages ago!"
"Scootaloo slow down!" squeaked Sweetie Belle.
Oblivious to Sweetie Belle's pleas, Scootaloo spots something glowing in the distance.
"Woah, what's that?"
"Scootaloo! The wagons starting tah..." Applebloom began but was cut short when the wagon detached from the scooter, the stray wagon bumped against a few bushes and trees until it landed into a nearby lake. Applebloom swam to safety but forgot the fact that Sweetie Belle didn't know how to swim.
(Meanwhile on Earth)
I was beginning lap two of my oh so fantastic run when something in the brush caught my eye. I then proceeded to go get a closer look. As I got closer I identified a shiny object as a diamond next to a bright configuration of light. Only focusing on the diamond I grasped it in my hand. This was by far the biggest piece of jewelry I have ever seen, and to top it all of it was purple! Not white or grayish, but bright purple Then all of a sudden the diamond felt like it was being tugged out of my hand, but I didn't let go, which was mistake number one. The diamond followed by me were sucked into the gaping light, which was ironically filled with darkness. It took me a couple minutes to process what happened, I then started screaming for my life.
"Help! Is anyone there? HOW DO I GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" I then let go of the diamond which was mistake number two. It disappeared out of sight, and then well I blacked out.