Emmet in Equestria

Chapter 2: Introductions and Spoon Shanking

As Iron Flyer and the two other pony guards led Emmet to the back of the castle, he had some time to think on his predicament. He was convinced that he was dreaming. However, he was beginning to have his doubts. This environment was far too real to be a dream. But if this wasn't a dream,

"What could it be?" He hadn't realized he was thinking out loud, and Iron Flyer was beginning to give him weird looks. Emmet laughed nervously, and the pegasus just shrugged and looked ahead again. Thousands of explanations ran through Emmet's head, each of them more far-fetched than the last. But every time he came back to the same conclusion.

"Yep, I have gotten high at my niece's birthday party again." He hadn't meant to say it that loud, and all three pegasi turned and looked at him. " I have come to a conclusion. Somehow, I managed to get hold of some pot, smoked it in my sister's bathroom, and due to my niece's love of girly things, have begun hallucinating about unicorns and fantasy castles." Sergeant Ego and the pegasus to his right gave him wide eyed stares, while Iron Flyer just nodded with understanding.

"Well, it does make sense." The golden-brown pony said. This earned him a incredulous stare from the Sergeant. "Think about it. If you suddenly woke up in a world filled with creatures like this," he pointed his wing at the Emmet, "you would think you got hold of some zebra plant too."

"See, this one gets it!" Emmet said, gesturing to Iron Flyer in a lecturing tone, "Although I don't think it really matters if you two get it, seeing as you're just figments of my imagination." the Sergeant and the pegasus guard just continued to stare at him, until Sarge gave him his signature pissed glare, walked over to Emmet, and smacked him in the back of the head.

"Ow! What the hell was that for!?"

"Did that hurt?" The Sergeant asked him calmly. Well, by Sergeant standards anyway.

"Yes it damn hurt, what do you think?"

"Since when do you feel pain in a dream?" As Emmet digested this new piece of evidence the Sarge walked the short distance to a a large set of wood and iron doors, and unlocked the large padlock with a ring of keys dangling from his waist. How he did this without hands was beyond Emmet, but he barely noticed with the turbulent thoughts raging beneath his skull. He hadn't even noticed that Sarge had begun talking again.

"-is Canterlot Prison, where you will be staying until the Princesses decide what to do with you." Emmet looked beyond Sarge, and saw a set of wide stairs leading down into a gloomy brick tunnel.

He could hear the sounds of raucous talking and the occasional laugh or cry of outrage. "It's lunchtime, so I suggest you go down and meet some new friends." The Sarge smiled evilly at him. "Now get going."

As Emmet walked down the stairs, he thought back on his conversation with Sarge. For some reason, when he mentioned friends, something stirred in the back of his mind, something he just couldn't quite remember. He shrugged it off, it didn't really matter. He still wasn't entirely convinced that this wasn't a dream, but he did admit that the closest thing to pain he had ever felt in a dream was a fuzzy sensation. Why suddenly feel the sharp crack of his hoof on his skull, and the dull throb that still plagued him? As he pondered these oddities in his mind, he heard the door shut with a large, ominous boom. He suddenly felt very trapped.

"Well, no other way to go." Emmet muttered to himself, and resumed walking down the wide steps.

And promptly fell on his face.

"Stupid, good for nothing made-for-pony stairs." He seethed between his teeth. He should of guessed, these stairs weren't meant for humans. He had to walk down rather awkwardly, as the steps weren't small enough to comfortably go one step at a time, but too wide to take two steps per step. And so he walked down, his still-throbbing head came back and screaming and he could almost feel a black eye forming. In between curses and muttered vows of revenge against stairs, he noticed he had reached the bottom, and was confronted with a cast iron gate. Another pegasus guard stood on the far side of the gate in a small brick and cage booth, staring at him awkwardly. It was the guard's first day. He had come from the quite town of Ponyville, where crime was absent and neighbors were friendly. He came into the job not expecting a single pony to be convicted. Just in the past few hours, however, he had seen four earth ponies, three unicorns, six pegasi, two changeling spies, and even a griphon. And now, a creature he didn't even knew had existed. And it was looking at him! What was he supposed to do?

"Uhm, hello? Are you here to be imprisoned?" The strange creature raised an eyebrow.

"No, I just wanted to see the scenery." The pegasus shifted awkwardly.

"I'll take that as a yes." The pony fumbled with a ring of keys with his wings. After a few moments, he noticed the creature was staring at him.

"Is... there anything that I can help you with?"

"How do you use keys without hands?" The creature said, ignoring his question. Now it was the pony's turn to raise an eyebrow. "I mean, I have hands to do everything with," the creature said, indicating the strange tentacle-like protrusions on the end of his arm, "and where I came from, feathers just don't quite serve the same purpose." The pony opened his mouth to speak, but then stopped. Now that he thought of it, the birds in the castle gardens couldn't manipulate objects with their wings. How could he? He was about to say that, but was interrupted by the strange creature.

"You know what, just forget it, I don't want to know. I've seen enough laws of physics being broken for one day." The pegasus just took this in, and finally opened the first of a double-gate. The creature walked  tiredly into the first gate, he had had a rough day. When the pegasus was satisfied the first gate was locked, he opened the second.

"Have a nice day!" the pegasi called after the creature. He was greeted by silence, and softly face-hoofed. "This is going to be a rough job."

After another few minutes of walking down an abnormally ling hallway, he finally reached the lunchroom. Lunch was almost over, and most of the prisoners had left. Those that were left dropped off in silence the moment Emmet entered the room. As he surveyed the seen, he saw multitudes of strange creatures along the unicorns, pegasi, and ponies he had begun to get used to. A few rows back, he saw two insectoid ponies, with tattered wings and beetle-like skin. In the seat closest to him what looked like a small dragon covered in scars growled deeply, a small flow rising from his nostrils. In the very back corner, he saw what appeared to be a gryphon, which, thankfully, was largely ignoring him. He would rather not get on a giant eagle/lion's bad side. Other than that, it was just a sea or browns, tans and occasional splash of color to greet him. After being escorted, he had deduced that the male of the pony species were colored more like the ponies back home. Emmet had begun to accept that this wasn't a dream, and decided that he would follow the Sarge's advice and try to fit in. As best as a hairless, bipedal creature wrapped in a tablecloth could, that is.

Emmet walked over to the cafeteria window, which he had to stoop to be level with. Just another woe of living in a building meant for ponies. He was greeted by a slightly fat earth pony, who stared at him with surprise. They were separated by two inch-thick metal bars, but the chef found himself a little scared under Emmet's gaze.

"Errr... I'm afraid I don't know whatever a... whatever you are eats." The chef spoke in a slight Irish accent.

"Well," Emmet tried to look behind the chef at the available food, "we humans can eat a lot of stuff, so let me tell you what we can't eat. We can't eat hay, raw grain, flowers, grass, bark, leaves, and any inorganic substance except water." The chef tried to take this in.

"Can you eat bread and vegetables?" The portly chef replied.

"Yes, yes I can."

"Brilliant," the chef replied, handing him a loaf of bread and a green and brown sludge that might have been vegetable soup at one time. "Here you go." Emmet took his food and sat on the table next to the young dragon's, careful to give him and the gryphon in the back a wide gearth. As he began to eat his meal, he noticed a brown pegasus and a white unicorn make their way over to him. They sat on either side of him, much closer than what Emmet considered comfortable.

"Well hello there." The brown pegasus to his right said in a cocky voice. Emmet just remained silent, and continued eating his tasteless soup. "Hey, I'm talking to you!" Emmet decided to that it may be best to answer him.

"Hello."

"May I ask you a question?" Emmet decided that it would be pointless to say no, so he nodded in the affirmative.

"What under Celestia's sun are you?" Emmet didn't answer straight away, and finally took a deep breath.

"I'm a homo sapien, or, as we like to call ourselves, a human."

"Right, right..." the pony trailed off, "So, how come I've never seen any humans before?"

"Well," Emmet began. He wasn't entirely sure what to say. He could tell him the truth, although something told him the pony wouldn't believe a word of it. "I'm the only one alive." Emmet wasn't entirely sure whether or not that was a lie. He hadn't seen any other people in this world, although he'd had a very limited view of the outside world. He felt a jolt of pain, as he considered how he would get home, and if he even could. Would anyone miss him? Any family or friends. As he thought back on his friends, he felt that weird feeling again. Like he was supposed to remember something important. He was so embroiled in his own thoughts that he almost didn't catch the unicorn talking. That seemed to be happening a lot to him today.

"Ohhhh, that's just too bad." The unicorn had been saying. "Tell me, what happened to them?" Emmet decided he had had enough with these two, and just wished to go to wherever his cell was.

"They must have caught a whiff of you two, and fainted on the spot." Emmet had finished his food and abruptly stood up to leave. However, felt a strange tingling sensation, and he saw the tablecloth he was wrapped in glowing a light blue. As he turned around, the square of cloth was suddenly wrenched off him, leaving him naked in front of everyone.

"Hey! Give that back right now!" Emmet girlishly squealed yelled in outrage.

"Why?" the unicorn said, oblivious to the reason Emmet had reacted so strongly, and equally puzzled as to why he was blushing and putting his hands over the area in between his legs. "This given to you by your mummy-wummy?" to which the brown pegasus guffawed loudly.

"Give that back right, now, or shit's gonna go down!" Emmet tried to look brave, although all he did was blush even further. It occurred to him that it was probably socially acceptable not to wear clothes in this world, after all, the two goons in front of him weren't, but it didn't make him feel any less exposed.

"Well is that so?" The pegasus replied loudly. Apparently, someone had alerted the guards, for Emmet heard the sounds of armor clinking and hurried footsteps (hoofsteps? Emmet wasn't sure what to say anymore) coming from one of the many hallways leading away from the lunchroom. The pegasi opened up his left wing, to reveal a sharpened spoon hidden in the folds of his wings. "Die you hairless freak!" he said, as he somehow defied all rules of logic and gripped the knife in his hoof. He reared back onto his rear hooves, brandishing the knife in a reversed grip above his head, and thrust it down at Emmet's chest. Unfortunately for the pegasus, Emmet was bullied quite a bit as a child. As a result, he begged and pleaded with his parents until they agreed to take him to a local Tae Kwon Do studio, where he practiced to this day, for a grand total of seventeen years. So, as Emmet saw the knife fall down on him, he simply did what years of practice made instinct for him. He raised his forearm parallel to the floor and ceiling, blocking the knife's approach. He place the pony's attacking leg in the crook of his elbow, and placed his right hand over his left, trapping the pony's leg in place. Afterwords, he simply lowered his arms, twisting the pegasus' leg out of his shoulder with a juicy *pop*. The pegasus let out a cry of pain, and fell to the floor, holding his arm and whimpering. Emmet backed away, assessing the situation, and his eyes fell on the white unicorn, who was slowly backing away. When he saw Emmet's attention was on him, he promptly pissed himself, and quickly used his magic to throw the tablecloth back to Emmet. He threw himself to the ground, and began blubbering like a baby. At that moment, six prison guards along with two guards from the castle came storming a hallway, and immediately looked at Emmet.

"You there! Get him!"

Emmet stood in three pairs of shackles, one for his wrists, one for his legs, and another around his neck, which was held on the other end by Iron Flyer. Emmet stood inside the grand castle, surrounded by stained glass windows, all of them depicting scenes of ponies defeating evil. In a couple, he saw a strange serpent, who he assumed was the pony equivalent of Satan. It was late in the afternoon, and the sunlight filtered through the windows, dappling the room in strange light. In front of him were two ponies, much larger than the rest, and about the same size as the pony whose wine he found his foot in. However, these ponies were strange, as they each had  a unicorn's horn and a pegasus' wings. In addition, their horns were much larger and sharper, and their wings were more like an eagle's. One was pure white, with a mane of white pinks, greens, and blues. Next to her was a very dark purple pony, with a mane of lighter magenta. They sat curled up on pillows, he saw that that the lighter pony had an image of the sun on her flank, and the darker pony had one of the moon. As he looked around, he realized that all of the ponies surrounding him had marks on their flanks. How could he have not noticed this before? He looked back to Iron Flyer, who had a mark of a battering ram with wings crashing through a castle wall. He put it into the back of his mind, as he had far more important things to worry about. He turned back to the two Princesses, waiting for a king or queen to appear. However, the lighter pony spoke to him.

"You do realize this looks quite bad to me, don't you?" She had a beautiful voice, backed by an air of regality and elegance. If Emmet didn't know better, he would of thought she was the Queen. When Emmet didn't answer, the Princess continued, "You come into this world, in what Prince Blueblood insists was an attack on his life, and not two hours later you injure a stallion in prison."

"I mean no disrespect Princess, but if I am to plead my innocence I wish to wait until the King or Queen arrives." The dark pony rose up off of her cushion, and glared at Emmet in fury.

"THOU DARE IMPLY THAT WE ARE NOT THE RIGHTFUL RULERS OF THIS LAND?!" Emmet recoiled in pain, as he was not expecting the the voice of a loudspeaker to come from the dark pegasus (unicorn? pegacorn?). The dark pony drew back for breath, but was blocked by a hoof from the lighter pony.

"Enough, dear sister, it would appear this creature does not follow the same government as Equestria." She turned back to Emmet, who was still cowed on his knees. "Am I right to assume that, in your government, the King and Queen take presidence over the Princes and Princesses?" Emmet slowly regained his senses, until he finally answered the pony's question.

"Yes, in my world the Princess is the daughter of the King or Queen, and the Prince is their son. However, we abandoned that system of government long ago, for if King or Queen became corrupt, then no one would be able to stop them. Nowadays, every four years the nation I came from votes on a new leader, and even then the leader, or President as we call them, has limited power." The light pony hhhmmmm-ed thoughtfully, and turned back to the human.

"Well, rest assured, we are the equivalent of a King or Queen in your world, and we will be deciding your punishment, or lack thereof." The pony paused to make sure she was understood, then continued. "Now, plead your case." Emmet took in a deep breath, and explained the situation of the prison fiasco too her.

"...and so you see Princess, while I may have had a part in starting the confrontation, he was the one to pull a knife, and I was acting in self-defense. Ask any of the prisoners or prison staff and they will tell the same thing" The Princess was silent for many moments, and Emmet was afraid she wouldn't believe him.

"I believe you." Emmet raised an eyebrow.

"Just like that?"

"Would you rather me convict you for the second time today?"

"Fair point, your majesty. However, how can you know you can trust me?" The Princess chuckled elegantly.

"When you've lived for over a thousand years, you become quite good at reading character." Emmet stared at her slack-jawed. "Is there something wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just that I thought I heard you say you were a thousand years old." The Princess chuckled again.

"That's because I am." Emmet didn't reply, and only made small sounds of exclamation. Finally, when he regained senses, he incoherently yelled,

"Why you no wrinkled?!" This time, the Princess let out full blown laughter, while the darker Princess just looked confused. In between fits of laughter, the Princess stuttered,

"You must be careful... if you keep this up... I may actually start to like you." Eventually, Emmet joined her, and even Princess Loudspeaker joined in the fun. When they began to calm down, the lighter Princess spoke. "Tell me, what is your name?"

"Emmet, Emmet Smith. And yours?"

"Princess Celestia, and my sister is-"

"Princess Luna. And we forgive thou for thy momentary lapse in manners."the darker pony interrupted. Princess Celestia leaned over, and whispered into Princess Luna's ear, they conferred for a few moments, and when they drew away, Princess Celestia smiled at Emmet.

"My sister and I have come to the conclusion that you are merely a victim of circumstance, and are not here with malicious intent. As such, we will supply you with a room at the castle, and we invite you to lunch tomorrow. We are eager to hear all about the strange land you come from." Emmet grinned, suddenly liking his prospects in this land much more. He bowed to the Princesses, and was about to walk away, when he remembered something very important.

"However, before I go, may I have some clothes?"