Emmet in Equestria

Chapter 3: I Have a Job for You

AN: I have a pre-reader! Yay!

Pre-read and edited by: caliban888

After Emmet's talk with the Princesses, they told one of the serving mares to lead him to the guest room, where he stood looking in a mirror. After the merriment of the past night, he had some time to think. It finally hit him that he was on the good side's of two of the most powerful creatures in the nation! He was set for life! He wasn't just some nobody on the street taking up odd jobs to scrape up cash! He was important! He would have money, power, friends... And there it was again. Friends. Something in him was screaming at him now, his subconscious mind working overtime to fix the error it had made earlier. And then he remembered.

"DEVON! YOU BASTARD!" He remembered what had happened in the moments before his switch into this world. Devon was going to kick him out! Him! Emmet may have not been the most savory of characters, but he wasn't a bad guy!

"Well, Devon, if you could see me now!" Emmet had crossed the border between worlds, not Devon! Emmet had climbed to the new horizon, not Devon! Emmet had... What was Emmet doing? He slowly sank down, ashamed of his thoughts, even if no one was around to witness them. Since when did Emmet go into mental monologue about his achievements? He finally reached the end of his bed, and shuddered. Something had come over him. And the more and more he thought about it, he was becoming sure that thing wasn't him. Something had tried to manipulate him. He glanced around the room, not sensing anything there. He thought back to the serpent he had seen in the stained glass windows. Was it him? Emmet wasn't sure what to think anymore. Apparently, this world was less sunshine and rainbows than he previously thought. As he lay his head on his pillow, he suddenly felt all of the fatigue and exhaustion that had been building up inside of him, and he shoved all other thoughts to the side as he gratefully accepted sleep's cool embrace.

When Emmet woke up, the first thing he noticed were his freezing feet. He looked down, seeing that they extended nearly a foot off the bed. The next thing he noticed was his grumpy stomach. He sat up, and looked around. It was still technically night, but he could see the very first few rays of sun spilling over the mountains in the distance and onto the large plain in between. It was a rather beautiful view. However, nature's beauty was never an object of fascination for Emmet, and he got out of the bed. On the far side of the room by the door he noticed a set of clothes, which he gratefully put on. Before he had gone to sleep, a slightly tan unicorn with a light blue mane walked into the room, with a measuring tape. Emmet specified in general the articles of clothes he wore, and the unicorn took his measurements. Emmet had never had an eye for fashion, but he still liked the clothes. When he put them on, he found that he looked a bit like a medieval noble.

(AN: Ignore the man, just focus on the clothes)

He slipped the clothes on, surprised at how comfortably they fit. The unicorn had really outdone himself. He went into the bathroom, and slapped himself, because he would have to take the clothes off to take a bath. He did so, mumbling curses under his breath. When he finally got out, he hurriedly put his clothes on for the second time and stepped outside. He was greeted by two pegasus guards, one of whom, to Emmet's relief, was Iron Flyer.

"Hello there, Emmet." Iron Flyer said it like they had had known each other for years. "We're here to accompany you around the castle wherever you may go." Emmet gave him his signature raised eyebrow.

"I thought the Princesses trusted me."

"Oh they do, but you can never be too careful when it comes to a royal's safety. Besides, this is more for your protection than theirs." Emmet just shrugged, knowing that it was a reasonable action.

"The Princesses advise that you walk around the castle and learn what you can about our world, as it seems you come from a place very different than ours. However, you will be free to ask them any questions at lunch. The mention of food reminded Emmet of his impatient stomach.

"Well, first course of action is to get me some food. To the kitchens!"

Emmet was amazed by the sheer size and grandeur of the banquet hall. Columns of gleaming white marble shot out towards the ceiling many meters above their heads. The floor shone like diamond, and the table was adorned with dozens of golden candlesticks. As he sat down, he was hurriedly approached by the waiter, a grey earth pony in a tux.

"Greetings, my good sir. What will you be having today." The waiter didn't even raise an eyebrow at Emmet's appearance. Apparently he was used to visitors of another species.

"Would you happen to serve meat? It's far too long since I've had a good steak." At this, however the waiter paled a small bit. he was used to serving meat-eaters, but they had never asked for beef before. Why, his niece had a friend who was a cow! He had never had to deal with a customer asking after a sentient creature's flesh!

"Umm, I-I'm afraid w-w-we don't s-serve b-beef here s-sir." Emmet saw the panicked look on his face, and immediately smacked his forehead.

"Damn, right. Ponies. Herbivores. Don't eat meat. Umm..."

"Oh, that's not the p-problem sir. We have plenty of m-manticore in the storeroom, It's just that ahhh..." The old pony averted his eyes from Emmet. "W-What you're asking me to do is murder." Emmet gave him a puzzled look, and then it all clicked. He slowly put his face in his palm.

"Crap, cows can talk too, can't they?" he moaned from in between his fingers. When he finally pulled away from his hands he saw the waiter nodding. "Sorry, where I come from, cows don't have even a tenth of the intelligence we do." He just waited a bit, and then said.

"You know what, how about an omelette. Would that be okay?"

"Y-Yes sir." The waiter then hurried off, practically running into the kitchen door. Emmet just sighed, and he felt a hoof on his shoulder. He looked up into Iron Flyer's eyes.

"It's alright, you had no idea." Iron Flyer looked at him, and then he face broke into a laugh. "Although, you should of seen the look on that guy's face!" He imitated it, his face growing paler and his face going up in sweat.

"I-I'm afraid w-w-we don't s-serve b-beef here s-sir." Slowly, the other Pegasus guard broke into a grin, and began to chuckle. Even Emmet loosened up a bit, until all three were laughing their heads off, the sounds of mirth bouncing around in the large hall.

"Okay, okay, I have to agree, he did look ridiculous." Emmet said between his roars of laughter.

Hours later, Emmet sat at the banquet hall once again, dining on a salad with no flowery bits and a bowl of what tasted like chili minus the meat. He supposed he'd have to get used to this everyone-is-afraid-of-meat deal. When they had nearly finished their food,  Princess Celestia turned to him.

"Well, now that we are done with our meals, I suppose we both have many questions to ask each other."

"True that." Emmet replied casually. Emmet noticed that most of the guards felt uncomfortable letting him talk to the Princess so informally. He just silently mouthed the words, "Deal with it," and turned back to the Princess. "First, I have something that's been burning my insides since I got here." Emmet gestured to one of the stained glass windows that seemed to be everywhere. It had the depiction of the strange serpent. "Who is he?" Both Princess Celestia's and Luna's faces hardened at the question, although they quickly softened, Celestia a bit quicker than Luna.

"That is Discord." Luna spoke elegantly as usual, but something in her tone seemed off. "He is the spirit of Chaos, and me and my sister imprisoned him in stone long ago. Emmet looked back at the window, and sure enough, he saw Celestia and Luna circling the monster, ready to strike. "Why the sudden interest?" Celestia continued.

"Well," Emmet replied, "in my world, there is a religion known as Christianity, and in it there is a similar creature. We call him Satan." Emmet took a deep breath, "Tell me, what power does this Discord possess?"

"He does not have much real power, however, he can persuade all but the most pure of creatures into turning against their own." Celestia replied, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation, "But please, let us not talk about such unpleasantness," she said, desperate to change the subject. "I have a question for you. Where do you come from? You are clearly not from Equestria, and in all my years I have never seen a.. what did you say you were?"

"I am a human, and I am come from the nation known as the United States of America, and the city of Boston." Emmet replied. "However, I am beginning to believe that where I come from is very far away from here. As in, I do not believe I am still on the same planet." A puzzled look crossed Celestia's face.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, my species has traveled across every inch of our globe, and that an entire nation of talking ponies would pass our notice is highly unlikely." Emmet said as he chuckled to himself.

"Well, in any rate, you've answered my question, now it's back to you." Emmet stroked his chin, which was starting to grow a bit of stubble. He would have to find a way to shave soon enough. His eyes fell on the mark on Celestia's flank

"What are these tattoos I see on everyone's flanks?" He had been about to say, "Why do you have a mark on your ass?" but decided it may not have been the appropriate time. Celestia looked down at it, then turned back to Emmet.

"It is a cutie-mark, a symbol of a pony's special place in the world." Emmet had to stifle a laugh.

"I'm sorry, but... cutie mark?" Emmet snickered a little bit, but then put on a slightly more serious face. "Anyway, would it be to forward to ask you what your's means? And Luna's for that matter?" Celestia smiled at Emmet, which made her look even more angelic somehow.

"Well, I raise the sun every morning, and Luna raises the moon." Emmet just stared at them slack jawed.

"Hold it right there, I call bullshit. You're telling me that you raise the sun every day? And she raises the moon? I don't believe you." Celestia looked a bit shocked at this his sudden outburst, and Luna slowly rose form her cushion. She drew in a deep breath, and Emmet prepared for the oncoming ear slaughter, but it never came. Luna was just yelling, but not at loudspeaker levels.

"Thou dares to question our power?! We should have thou punished for thy-" She would have continued, if Celestia hadn't silenced her with a hoof.

"Hush, dear sister. It would appear that Emmet's world is more different than ours than we believed possible." Luna sat down, glaring daggers at Emmet. Celestia, satisfied that Luna had calmed down, turned once again to Emmet. Celestia opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Luna.

"We believe that is our turn to ask a question, is it not?" Luna looked to Celestia, who nodded for her to continue. Luna rested her gaze upon Emmet, who squirmed slightly. "If you do not have two beings to control the sun and the moon, than how does the sun rise in your world?" Emmet prepared himself for a lengthy explanation.

"Well, our sun is suspended in space," He explained, grabbing a nearby orange and holding it up to symbolize the sun. "and the earth rotates around it slowly." he grabbed an olive and slowly circled it around the sun. "In addition, the earth rotates on a axis." He began to spin the olive in his fingers." Thus, the sun only shines on part of the earth at a time, creating the illusion that the sun rises and falls." Luna nodded, but then she frowned in confusion.

"However, thou art forgetting the moon. How doth it rise and fall?" Emmet nodded at her.

"You have a point. The answer is that the moon," he dropped the orange and picked up a raisin, "rotates around the earth." Luna and Celestia gave him skeptical looks, but eventually they seemed to accept the story. Luna turned back to her meal.

"We know that we only hath one question, but we ask you spare us the pleasure of another."

"Alright, shoot."

"What can thou control in thy world? Here, the weather is controlled by us, the animals are taken care of by us, and even the plants will not grow without our help. They way thou speaks indicates humans have no control of thine world. Is this true?"

"We can put the seeds where we want them to grow and tame animals from birth in the hopes they'll respond to commands, but other than that, nature will do whatever it wants to regardless of what we do." Celestia stared at her sister with wide eyes. This was the first time Emmet had seen real, true shock on her face. The Princess of the Sun turned to Emmet.

"Am I right to assume that humans have no access to magic?"

"Yes, yes you would." Both sisters stared at each other incredulously. Emmet was not sure why they were so surprised, and he began to shift uncomfortably in his seat. Finally, Celestia turned back to Emmet.

"How did you survive in those conditions?" Emmet was about to answer, but then caught himself, for he didn't know how. How would he be able to tell them about the entirety of human history and ingenuity without even Celestia dying of old age? As he thought of the predicament, a ridiculous idea formed in his head. It was stupid, but he knew of no greater way of conveying a message quickly.

"A short while ago, I heard a song. I believe that it sums up human history and motivation quite nicely. Would you mind if I sang it to you?" Celestia gestured for him to go ahead.

"I see no reason not to." Emmet sighed, and took in a deep breath, using his hands to set up a steady beat, he began to sing.

Youtube Video

(AN: Humans are terrifying)

When Emmet finished, he looked around and found that everyone was staring at him. He turned to the Princesses, who stared back. His message was sent. Princess Celestia was the first to speak.

"I see. That is how you survived. I take your species' history is a... violent one."

"We did what we had to survive, and killed anything that got in the way." Emmet paused, and looked down. "Even our own kind." There was an awkward silence. "I pray that you do not think me a monster, although you would probably be right to do so." The Princess of the Moon spoke up.

"Do not fear. I have learned through painful experience in the past few days that even the most lost souls can still be found." She glanced at her sister, and they shared something only they could see. "I only pray that your devotion to survival can be put into other causes."

"It can, and if I am to stay in this world for any period of time, then it is about time I learn to use what skills I have for the benefit of pony-kind." Emmet saw that Celestia was thinking on something, and decided not to interrupt her. Eventually, she looked to Emmet with a serious look that scared Emmet more than facing down Luna at full volume.

"Judging from your...incident in the prison, I take you have received combat training? The prisoner's reported you seemed to know exactly how to defeat him."

"This is true, I trained for seventeen years in martial arts and seven in Japanese sword fighting." Emmet said trying and failing to sound brave under her terrifying gaze.

"In that case, I have a job for you."