Emmet in Equestria

Chapter 6: KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Edited by: caliban888

Emmet woke up in his beautifully made for human bed, and turned on his beautifully made for human lamp on his beautifully made for human bedside counter. As much as he was beginning to like these ponies, he really resented their short, stumpy and awkwardly shaped furniture and buildings. Emmet sat up on the side of his bed, stretching his back and shoulder muscles as far as they would go until slumping with his hands on his knees. He finally sat up, and walked over to his dark oaken wardrobe, selected his favorite (and only) outfit, and made his way to the door. He took one final look into the interior of his new home. It was rather cozy, with soothing oak floors, walls and ceilings, along with lots of windows for light. It had two stories, something Emmet never had since he had moved out of his parent's house, and everything was beautifully crafted. Emmet sighed in contention.

"Being a bodyguard is a far more lucrative job than I thought," he said to himself. However, he soon became bored, clipped on the ever-present wakizashi, and headed out the door. Emmet's house was situated close to the edge of town, only a half a football field from Twilight's tree library, which Emmet learned also doubled as her house. It seemed like a major fire hazard, but this was a world of unicorns, pegasi, and eternally spinning propeller beanies. He wouldn't be surprised if fire had to ask permission before burning a house down. Emmet chuckled at the mental images that brought on, and decided to make his way to the library to accompany Twilight. It was, after all, the reason he had that nice house to live in anyways.

As Emmet walked in the door, the first thing he noticed was the smell of glorious food wafting around the room, curling around the book shelves and lazily hanging from the ceiling. Emmet's stomach proceeded to angrily growl at him, and Emmet realized he hadn't had any food since the cake from his welcoming party. He slowly ambled around, trying to locate the source of that utterly glorious smell. Finally, he heard the sound of water boiling and light humming coming from one of the nearby rooms. He slowly creeped towards the doorway, like a predator before prey, and peaked around the corner of the doorway. At first he saw a kitchen, and the amazing smell of vegetables, eggs and toast assaulted Emmet's nose like a battering ram of buttery goodness. Then he noticed the creature that was cooking. It was purple and green, and was covered in scaly hide. The creature turned around to grab something from the fridge, when it noticed Emmet. And it's face! Emmet thought it looked like a gremlin with baby fat.

"OH DEAR GOD WHAT IS IT KILL IT WITH FIRE!" They shouted in unison. They both reeled back in horror at the each other.

"What the hell are you!?" Emmet yelled at the creature.

"I could ask you the same question!" It replied. They stood there for a few moments, when they heard a groan from upstairs and the clacking sounds of hooves on wood. The scaly creature glared angrily at Emmet.

"See what you've done!? You've woken Twilight," it said. Emmet huffed in indignation.

"Oh, so this is my fault, is it? Well, if you weren't so funny looking, I wouldn't have yelled at you!" The creature raised an eyebrow.

"Says the pink worm with a patch of hair on it's skull and freakishly long hands." The creature gestured to it's own, slightly stubbier hands. "At least mine are a nice length." It was at this time that Twilight walked into the room, woken up by the commotion. She looked between her two employees, the assistant and the bodyguard. The assistant was the first to speak up.

"Hey there Twilight. I was just about to tell this very loud and obnoxious guest to leave." Emmet turned to Twilight, sticking a thumb at the scaly creature.

"Wait, you know this guy?" he said to her. The guy in question looked quizzically at Twilight. Twilight just giggled.

"Yes, I know him. Emmet, this is Spike, my personal assistant, and he is a baby dragon. Spike, this is Emmet, my new bodyguard." Spike looked between the two, confused.

"But, why would you need a bodyguard? I mean, you defeated Nightmare Moon for crying out loud! I doubt he's necessary." Spike said.

"Princess Celestia herself hired Emmet. I trust her judgement." Twilight looked to Emmet. "Although, I am a bit curious as to your reasons for being here." Emmet suddenly looked very nervous. He remembered Celestia's order not to reveal too much, but he was blanking on what to say.

"Well, you see... in the recent light of the Nightmare Moon event the Princesses believed that you should probably receive a bit more protection, considering you live in a relatively unguarded town several miles from any major police force." Emmet thought it was believable, better than, Oh, there is a very good chance that several people are out for your blood and your death would mean the deaths of countless others. No biggie. Twilight noticed his strange behavior, but went back into the reasoning that the Princesses trusted him with her safety, so she should too. Spike was still unsure, but shrugged and went back to his cooking. Which reminded Emmet.

"Hey, you wouldn't mind if I had some of that would you? With all the castle architect's planning on my house, he forgot to put some food in it." Twilight smiled sweetly.

"Why of course you can. Spike, what are you serving?"

"Eggs, toast, and salad." Emmet sighed a little. Spike looked haughtily at the human. "What, do you got a problem with the food we're giving you for free?" Twilight gave Spike a stern look.

"Now Spike, that's enough. But anyhow, what's troubling you?" Twilight said. Emmet shifted uncomfortably.

"Well," he said uncomfortably, "It's just that human's are avid meat eaters, and since Spike was a dragon I was hoping you has some stashed away for him." Twilight shook her head.

"Any nutrition Spike would normally get from meat he gets from gemstones." Emmet nodded, filing this away into the strange things that didn't make sense folder, but then noticed a problem.

"Where do you find the gemstones for three meals?" Twilight just looked at him curiously.

"There everywhere in the neighboring mountains." Another thing for the rapidly-growing things that didn't make sense folder. Emmet just shrugged.

"You know, what, I'm just gonna except things as they are. The instant I start asking questions, my head starts to hurt." he said. He looked over at Spike, who was just finishing up breakfast.

"For now, a sadly meatless breakfast awaits." Emmet said as he sat down at the table.

Emmet sat in the library, more than a little bit bored. Twilight was reshelving the books, and Emmet was desperate for something to do. He stared at Twilight while was magically floating a novel down into a nearby bookshelf, both her horn and the book enshrouded in a deep purple aura. It would still take some time to get used that. Emmet rose from his chair and began looking through the different books. Most of it was informational, Starswirl The Bearded's Guide to Basic Telepathy, or Catalog of Mythical Creatures. He saw an Indiana Jones style book called the Daring Do series, but there wasn't a whole lot of fiction besides that. He saw Spike walk past him with a massive pile of books. He dropped them heavily to the floor and began sorting them into their appropriate shelves. Emmet watched with an amused smile as Spike tried fruitlessly to reach a shelf out of his reach. Emmet sat up and walked over to the baby dragon.

"Need some help?" Emmet asked. Spike regarded him with suspicion.

"Why are you acting so helpful lately?" the dragon said.

"I don't know, maybe because I see someone who could use some assistance, and my moral self pushes me to help said person." Emmet smiled with satisfaction at Spike's guilty look.

"Relax, I'm just joking. Don't go so hard on yourself." Emmet said with a friendly laugh. "I realize we've gotten off on the wrong foot...claw. I hope you forgive me. I come from a place where the laws of the universe are very different, and I guess It's all a bit frightening and most of all frustrating." Spike glanced away.

"Yeah, sorry about that. So... pals?"

"Pals." Emmet said in agreement. The took shook hands/claws.

"So, still need help with that book?" Emmet asked. Spike would have answered, if it weren't for the rainbow blur that suddenly whooshed through an open window and crashed into one of the bookshelves. Emmet, seeing a possible threat, quickly drew his wakizashi and went into an offensive stance. He was about to charge, but was stopped when the multicolored blob spoke.

"Hey Twi! Sorry about that, just practicing my latest trick. I call it," the blob paused for dramatic effect, "The Rainboom-Cicle." Twilight, who had been watching the events unfold from the other side of the room, walked over to the rainbow monster.

"Rainbow Dash, this is the second time this week! You really ought to be more careful! Emmet here was about to arrest you!" Emmet watched in silent horror as the blob unfolded itself into the shape of a pegasus. It had a cyan coat, with a mane and tail the color of the rainbow. The pegasus looked awkwardly at Emmet.

"Uhhh," the pegasus stalled. "what are you? And why are you here with Twilight?" Emmet sheathed the wakizashi, and sighed.

"Long story short, I am a human, and the Princesses hired me as a personal bodyguard for Twilight to ensure her safety." Emmet explained. Rainbow Dash stroke a heroic pose.

"Not sure why'd she'd need one when I'm around, the fastest pony in all of Equestria."  Rainbow said. She looked back to Emmet, only to find he had vanished. She took a nervous step back.

"Wait, wuh? Where'd you- UNGH!" She was cut off by a sudden weight landing on top of her, for while Rainbow had been monologuing Emmet had snuck up to the top floor, and had jumped her from the balcony. Emmet was getting really tired of people asking whether or not he was good for the job. Emmet stepped away from the now very pissed rainbow-colored blob.

"What the hay!? What was that for!?" Rainbow Dash glared at Emmet, pure fury pumping through her veins. Emmet was about to make a witty mark, but Twilight stepped in.

"Emmet, you shouldn't have done that. You could have really hurt somepony." Twilight said.

"Yeah!" Rainbow agreed with passion. "You need to watch yourself man!" Emmet only smirked.

"Sorry, that's human nature for you. Don't like getting one-upped. Don't take it personally." Twilight just face-hoofed.

"It seems that you make an enemy of everyone you meet." She said.

"If humans had cutie-marks, mine would be for bad first impressions." Emmet said with a proud smile. Twilight just sighed.

"Are you always gonna be hostile like this?" she asked.

"The Princesses wouldn't have hired me if I didn't." Emmet said with a goofy smile still plastered onto his face. Twilight turned to Rainbow Dash with a sigh.

"Sorry about this Rainbow, I hope you don't take it too personally." Twilight said. Rainbow looked at Emmet, then sat down on her haunches, with her chin held high.

"Eh, I'm over it." She gave Emmet a look. "But that doesn't mean I'm gonna let this go without a fight." Emmet shrugged and stared at her maliciously.

"You want war?" Emmet said with a grin. "Humans practically invented war." Rainbow Dash returned with a devilish grin all her own.

"Oh, it is ON." Twilight decided it was time to intervene before the library turned into a battleground.

"You know what Emmet, it's nearly closing time for the library. I'm going to go get some groceries for the library, and you can get some while we're there. That is, if you have any money." she said. Emmet pulled out an orange sized bag of bits he had received from the Princesses.

"Yeah, that sounds good." he said distractedly, still locked in a staring contest with Rainbow.

While I'm there, I can think on my war strategy. He thought to himself.

Emmet walked up and down the marketplace, having to stoop to see into the low stalls. Each time he bent down to inspect something he was greeted by a startled gasp form the merchant inside. He would just grin to them, but he was beginning to think that nobody was going to accept him in this town.

Just give them time, he thought to himself, if there was a talking purple unicorn walking through Safeway you would probably be a bit weirded out too. As he turned around, looking for some staple food to keep him full for a long while, he saw a stand of apples, run by an orange earth-pony with a stetson hat, accompanied by what could only be described as a yellow ball of condensed cute with a red bow on top in the form of a filly. The little ball of cute was attempting to forcefully sell the apples, and as Emmet walked over to the stand the orange mare, who he assumed was the filly's sister, bent down to lecture her on business techniques. Emmet stood patiently at the counter for her to finish. When she stood up she was a little flustered at first, since she had kept a customer waiting and this customer was very oddly shaped. However, years of business practice didn't let her startled emotions show, and now that she thought about it she remembered that his man was here for Twilight's protection, and she had seen him at the party. She put on a businessmare's smile.

"Well how do you do there, fella?" the stall keeper said with a thick southern slur.

"I'm just getting some groceries. How much?" Emmet asked

"Three bits a bag." The orange mare replied.

"Two bags, please." Emmet said, counting out six bits. Applejack gratefully pocketed the money, and turned to her sister, who had been staring wide eyed at Emmet the whole while.

"See Applebloom, that's how you do it. Ya' gotta be kind and courteous." Applebloom just stared at Emmet. Applejack looked to where she was staring and began to blush profusely.

"APPLEBLOOM! Didn't I tell ya' not to stare at people!? Shucks, I'm really sorry 'bout that, she don't know what she was doing." the orange mare said apologetically. Emmet just laughed loudly, attracting a few looks from the crowd.

"Don't worry about it, like you said, she's young. The name's Emmet by the way." The orange mare abashedly took off her hat and put it to her chest.

"Applejack." she said, and the two shook hands/hooves.

"Say, you're Twi's new bodyguard, right?" Applejack said. Emmet nodded

"Well, you take good care of her now. Twi's one of my good friends." she said.

"I will." Emmet vowed. "Well, I gotta head back home. It's getting late." he added, jerking his head at the falling sun.

"Now that you mention it, I reckon it's about time me and Applebloom head back to Sweet Apple Acres. Me and her got some talkin' to do." Applejack said with a small glare at Applebloom. "Now, why don't you apologize to Emmet?"

"Uhm, sorry Emmet." the little filly said with a gulp. Emmet thought his heart was implode from the sheer levels of adorable.

"That's... it's alright...no biggie...can I hug you?" Emmet muttered. The little filly looked at him with confusion.

"What?" Applebloom asked

"Nothing! Nothing whatsoever!" With that, Emmet walked away from the little filly and her sister and legged it back to his house.