Hello book thing. My name is Dreaming Blue, most ponies call me Blue or DB.

Sorry if I do this wrong, I’m new to the whole writing thing. But one of my caregivers said it could help me remember things better. I have something called ~~afa unmi shor~~ I can’t remember. But it’s really hard for me to remember names and other words.

Oh, I should tell you about me! I live in an orphanage in ~~Cama canon~~ the city with the big castel. I’ve been here since I was really really small. Most ponies think I should be sad cause~~-I-never knew-my-pants-calfs?~~ cause I didn’t know some ponies. But if I never knew them I don’t know why I should be sad by that, I don’t know lots of ponies.

My days are pretty normal I guess. I get taught things by some teachers and spend the rest of the time playing with my friends. They think it’s funny I don’t know their names. I’m just amazed they remember mine!

They’re orphans like me. There’s one with a red mane, another with a yellow coat and my best friend has green eyes. Greeneyes already has a cutie mark. It has something to do with ice-cream, I just can’t remember if it’s of an ice-cream scoop or popsicle. I’ll double check tomorrow and let you know.

At the start I said one of my caregivers told me to write in here (in you?). The reason I worded it like that is because there’s three, maybe four ponies that take care of us, I just can’t tell them apart easily. I do know that one is nice, one is really silly and one is a bit grouchy (Maybe nice and silly are the same pony?). The one telling me to write might be the grouchy one or the fourth one I don’t know how to identify. Maybe tomorrow I should ask?

I’m getting sleepy so I’m going to stop writing now. I promise to write in you (to you? on you?) again soon.

• DB

***

Hi again! Are you a diary or a journal? I asked my friends what the difference was but I didn’t understand their answers. That happens a lot, I call it white nose. It’s when a pony is talking to me, but the words just sound kind of fuzzy and out of focus. I used to think everypony heard white noise, but I was wrong.

Redmane wants to know what I’m writing, but I don’t think I’ll share. A caregiver told me you were private and that I didn’t have to show you to anypony I didn’t want to. Redmane’s bed is next to mine is why I bring it up. Hold on, I’m gonna throw a pillow at my friend.

Okay, I’m back.

I almost forgot, I told you I’d check Greeneyes’ cutie mark! It IS an ice-cream scoop. Greeneyes explained it was vanilla ice-cream, but it had rainbow sprinkles. It means that Greeneyes can make amazing ice-cream, even inventing new kinds! That is such a cool special talent!

Umm, I’m gonna be honest with you book thing (I need to give you a name) I’m a little jealous of Greeneyes. It must be so great to know where you belong in the world. I don’t know where I belong. I’m not good at anything.

Redmane is great at sports and will probably get a cutie mark of something to do with athletics. Yellowcoat always has the best drawing in arts class and everypony says a paintbrush will be Yellowcoat’s cutie mark.

All I can do is forget or not understand. A bully once told me I already had my cutie mark and that it was of nothing. That bully got in trouble, but I can’t remember anything else about the bully. No name or color. Maybe that’s for the best.

I have to go, I accidentally started crying a little and Redmane wants to know what’s wrong

I don’t feel like writing anymore tonight.

***

Hello journal/diary.

I’m sorry about last night, the cutie mark talk just got me sad. But I’m better today, I promise!

I learned some new things today! Apparently there used to be two alicorns that ruled over us, not just one! But the younger alicorn did some bad stuff and the older one sent the younger alicorn to the moon!

I’m looking out the window now and I CAN see a pony’s face on the moon! It must be true, the alicorn must be there!

I wonder if the alicorn is looking back at me

***

I’m sorry

I know I haven’t written to you in a while. Please don’t be mad at me. Since I’m in trouble I think you are the only pony I can talk to (even though you aren’t a pony)

In class today the history teacher got mad at me. Greeneyes said the teacher was a substitute. That means we didn’t know the teacher and the teacher didn’t know us. The normal teachers never got mad at me before.

‘Who is our benevolent ruler?’ That’s all that was asked and I couldn’t answer. I told the teacher that but they demanded I answer anyway. I tried I SWEAR I tried. I don’t even remember what I said but it made the teacher mad. I was called a brat, told sarcasm wouldn’t be tolerated and held after school.

It only got worse. The teacher began to ask me questions, questions I didn’t understand. The white noise got so bad and I started to cry.

I don’t know where the teacher is now. I was left alone in the classroom and that’s when I started writing to you. I’m glad you’re here with me. If you aren’t mad at me too then I promise to write in you more! I promise I won’t forget about you again.

I’m sorry

-Dreaming Blue

***

I am still so confused! One of the caregivers, the nice one I think, came to get me. After talking to the teacher for some time, the teacher apologized to me, saying they had not been told about my problem.

I asked the caregiver what I had done wrong, I explained I didn’t mean to be bad. But I was told I did nothing wrong! How can somepony be mad at me but I did nothing wrong? And I don’t understand what problem the teacher meant. Did the teacher mean my problem of remembering things?

When I was first told I was different, I was also told it wasn’t bad. Even though I was different from other ponies, it just meant I was special; that I had to try harder and be braver than other ponies.

If that was true then why did me being different make another pony mad?

I know you can’t answer but I wish you could.

My bed doesn’t feel good tonight and I don’t want to sleep. I think I’ll look at the moon for a while. Maybe the alicorn there doesn’t know why everypony got mad at them too.

-Dreaming Blue

***

Hi! I know it’s been almost a week, but I promise I didn’t forget about you! I’ve just been so busy!

There was an explosion! AND LIGHTS! Pretty ones, all different colors! And then a dragon! I swear I’m not lying! Yellowcoat and Redmane saw it too! It was so amazing!

Some of the city started to panic, but soon the dragon disappeared and then those ponies in armor announced everything was okay and there had just been a burst of uncontrolled magic at the unicorn school. Apparently it was harmless but still the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!

And then things got weirder! Greeneyes had been there! That night Greeneyes told us that there was going to be a test for hir-hem a test to take for a scholarship, but it got canceled cause of the explosions and dragon.

See where I’m going with this!?

Greeneyes is a unicorn! I’ve always known about the three tribes, but I didn’t really understand how to see the differences. But since Greeneyes has a horn, that means my friend is a unicorn I honestly don’t remember seeing the horn before, but Greeneyes tells me it was always there.

I asked Redmane and Yellowcoat if they were unicorns too. They just looked at each other and laughed like they do when they know I’m being different again.

But it did lead me to another new discovery! I think I’m an earth pony. I had to study myself in the mirror for awhile to fully understand. Now I’m certain I don’t have a horn or any wings. Also my coat is a dark blue! I never noticed before; maybe that’s why I’m named Dreaming Blue?

My mane color is a dark gray apparently. I think I like it, even though gray isn’t technically a color. I still don’t understand my eyes. I looked at them a long time but it was like how it is with white noise. Only seeing it, not hearing it. Maybe tomorrow I’ll ask my friends what my eyes are like. If I remember what they say I’ll tell you.

I really should go to sleep now but I’m not tired. After the last time I talked to you I hardly sleep anymore. I just don’t feel like it

Do you sleep? Is that what happens when I close you? It’s a silly question cause you aren’t real but I like to think that’s true.

-Dreaming Blue

***

Two adult ponies came and took away Yellowcoat. I don’t think they’re coming back. I miss Yellowcoat.

-DB

***

Why am I supposed to be happy!? The caregivers keep telling me Yellowcoat has a home now. That makes no sense! The orphanage is our home! I’m not homeless! Saying Yellowcoat has a home means I don’t and I know that’s a lie!

What’s worse is I’m not allowed to visit Yellowcoat either because this ‘home’ is in some place earth ponies aren’t allowed. I don’t remember the name of the place, something to do with clouds. But I hate it if I’m not allowed there.

Also I thought Yellowcoat was an earth pony like me! I know Yellowcoat wasn’t a unicorn. I’m so mad I cou

Sorry I left for awhile. Greeneyes was sad so we walked together. We had to be careful cause it’s past our bedtime but I think we both feel better now. Well Greeneyes feels better, I’m just scared.

Greeneyes explained that even though it was said, we should still be happy for Yellowcoat because he has new ~~pants~~ THE WORD ISN’T PANTS!!! I know it isn’t! Why can’t I remember the word used!!!

He has new something okay! And that’s supposed to be good!

But what scared me was that Greeneyes said one day adults would come get us too. I don’t want that! I don’t want to be taken from my home and my friends. Even worse, I don’t want my friends to be taken and me left here alone.

I’m not going to sleep now, but I just don’t think I have anything else to say.

-Dreaming Blue

***

Something is wrong with me, the floor seems farther away and everything seems a little shorter. I need to figure out why.

***

I feel so silly! I grew a little and didn’t even know it! I guess I forgot that one day I’ll be big like the adult ponies.

-DB

***

Do you have any idea what it’s like to get a cutie mark!? Heh, I guess you don’t because you’re a book (do books get cutie marks?)

I asked Greeneyes once and was told it’s the most amazing thing ever! It’s like your mind is clear for the first time, you understand who you are, where you belong in the world and a passion is lit within your heart that no one else can understand.

Maybe getting a cutie mark isn’t the same for everypony?

But even if that’s not how I feel, I’m still really happy!

This morning I got my cutie mark! I couldn’t sleep again. But instead of just staring at the moon until I fell asleep, this time I stayed awake! Before I knew it the sun was coming up which worried me. But then realized I didn’t feel tired! I went to get out of bed and that’s when I saw it!

It’s different than I would of thought, it’s not a picture of anything, but bold, white letters. My cutie Mark reads:

‘Z?’

I know it’s a little weird but still so cool! I’m so happy not to be a blank flank anymore and now have a place in the world. Who knew my special talent would be not sleeping!

Gotta hurry and show it off to everypony now, I just wanted you to be the first one to know.

-Dreaming Blue

***

Not sleeping isn’t my special talent.

The grumpy caregiver explained that to me. Their voice was trying to be nice, but I could tell my ideas were starting to annoy. I was told growing ponies still need their sleep and I was expected to sleep regardless of what I thought my cutie mark meant.

I was able to ignore the grumpy caregiver easy enough. Redmane and Greeneyes were both happy for me and both thought me not needing sleep was really cool!

But then later I asked the nice caregiver about my cutie mark, just to be sure. Again I was told staying awake wasn’t a special talent a pony could have. Explained to me was that my cutie mark probably meant something else.

Suggestions ranged from Night Guard to Private Detective. But those just don’t sound right to me.

If my cutie mark is supposed to finally help me understand where I belong in the world then why do I still not know?

***

I’ve been awake for three days now. The caregivers don’t know that. For several weeks I have attempted to force sleep upon myself; but I think maybe I just laid there with eyes closed. Before my cutie mark I used to dream.

I don’t dream anymore.

I’ve been thinking a lot while I don’t sleep. About you, me, the alicorn in the moon. I know I should have wrote in you more during these nights; but I needed the time to think and to understand.

I’m going to name you Book because that’s what you are and you look like a Book.

So let’s start this over

Dear Book,

I’ve been awake for three days and the world is changing. There is much I still do not understand, ponies use words I can not hear, my eyes have no color, form or shape when I look at them. When I was very young this did not bother me, I thought it was the same with everypony. When I learned the truth, I still did not care, it was what made me special.

More recently, I have found a growing fear in me regarding these facts. I did not tell you about it because it was so subtle I did not realize it myself. But with these past three nights of pondering, I realize I now except what I am.

My cutie mark is clear to me. I know now why I am different. My special talent is that my thinking is not like everypony else. I do not see the world with the same rules and the same harmonious gaze as the rest. My thinking challenges their rules and defies their norm. A z with a question mark. The question, the challenge to why I must do what they all do.

So now I understand the why, but not the what. What do I do with such a talent? I guess we can find that out together.

-Your Friend

PS: I hate the name Dreaming Blue. I used to like it, but I don’t dream anymore. My name is now a lie. Help me think of a new one?

***

Dear Book,

Nonsense is my name.

Author's Note

Alrighty, chapter one is up! I'm pretty excited about this. Nonsense is a character I've been wanting to write about a long time now, hopefully I can do the idea justice.

Honestly I'm a little critical of this first chapter, it just feels to simple...but then again it is supposed to be written by a foal. I'm planning for later chapters to be a bit more weighty.

To anyone reading, please let me know what you did or did not like. Constrictive criticism is always welcome.