The Adventures Continue

Pinkie Pride

Episode 4/12

Prompt: Author, Equestria is in peril! Assemble a team of one Mane Cast member and their foil with attitude!

Word count restriction: 1,000 - 7,000

February 3, XXXX

The Las Pegasus Informant

BREAKING: ANONYMOUS AVIAN REVEALS STARTLING CELESTIAL SECRET!

Equestria has long been ruled by the two royal “sisters”, but breaking news from the city of Manehattan has revealed that Equestria’s princesses may not be sisters at all!

The news comes courtesy of an anonymous bird of “stout demeanor and vibrant coloring, with impressive connections all over Equestria and within the royal sisters’ network of employees”. According to the source, the royal “sisters” have been covering up their true origins for centuries.

“In hindsight, it really should have been obvious,” a pundit of the Las Pegasus Informant team says. “When you consider the evidence, it’s shocking that we didn’t pick up on it sooner.”

Such evidence comes primarily out of the Equestrian Society of Truth, an organization based in the Crystal Empire. The Society has long been claiming that the sisters were keeping secrets from Equestria, and now the Las Pegasus Informant has had a chance to talk with one of its foremost leaders.

The evidence, Society vice president Tin Foil says, has been “under our muzzles the whole time! Just look at the sisters side-by-side. Princess Luna is blue, and Celestia is white. The ‘i’ in ‘white’ sounds like the ‘i’ in ‘lie’. Coincidence?”

Foil continues: “Consider also the height difference. If the sisters were related, they would be the same height! Siblings don’t grow to be different heights, and I can prove it! My fourteen brothers and twenty-seven sisters never had more than an inch of difference in height; and one of my brothers is old enough to be my sisters’ father!”

When asked about the future of Equestrian politics, Foil had this to say: “It’s game over, man. We’re finished. Now that the truth is out, the rains are coming. Save yourselves! Build a boat! Hide yourselves from the Canterlot mind beams! Hide your kids; hide your wife! Some serious stuff is about to go down, man!”

~

February 1, XXXX

Manehattan News Network

Avian Informant Gives Credence to Royal Conspiracy

This morning, the Manehattan News Network was contacted by a Manehattan-native bird (who wishes to remain anonymous) regarding Equestria’s royal sisters. According to the informant, the two sisters are not sisters, but unrelated ponies posing as family in order to retain the throne.

A Manehattan News Network reporter had a chance to correspond with the informant.

Manehattan News Network: Would you please tell us again what you have to say on the matter of the royal sisters?

Informant: Of course. Simply put, the royal sisters are not actually sisters at all.

MNN: Do the two have any familial relation?

I: The two are completely unrelated. There are no ties between them at all.

MNN: This will be a hard theory for Equestrians to swallow. What evidence have you on the matter?

I: I have many connections throughout the country; many of them are connected closely to the royal sisters themselves.

MNN: You have informants within the government?

I: I do. Their hard work and determination has surfaced these letters and other official papers, the ones I sent you.

MNN: These letters… some of them are written by the princesses themselves. Are these real?

I: The royal stamp is present on each of them. I have connections, as well, to ponies in the forensics department of each of the major cities in Equestria; all of them have analyzed the documents and determined them to be legitimate.

MNN: Do you have any connection to the Equestrian Society of Truth?

I: *Laughs* I do not. The members of the Society of Truth are nothing more than baseless conspirators. While it is true that they have long been making the claim that the royal sisters are not related, they have never presented any noteworthy evidence of such.

MNN: Finally, why have you decided to make this knowledge public?

I: The citizens of Equestria deserve to know the truth of the matter. They deserve the complete transparency of the royal diarchy, and my informants and I are determined to continue to present the truth.

~

Arrest Warrant

From the desk of Princess Celestia

CC: Iron Shackles, Canterlot police chief; Heavy Sentence, Manehattan police chief; Lethal Injection, Las Pegasus police chief; Probable Cause, Trottingham police chief; Hugh Genics, Tall Tale police chief; Pepper Spray, Vanhoover police chief; Search N. Seizure, Cloudsdale police chief; Double Standard, Baltimare police chief; Cuddles Fluffshorts, Fillydelphia police chief; Twilight Sparkle, Golden Oak Library, Ponyville; desk of Princess Luna; desk of Princess Cadance, Crystal Empire; desk of Shining Armor, Crystal Empire; Fluttershy, Ponyville

Subject: Bloodwing

Species: Avian

Subspecies: Red-capped Robin

Sex: Male

Subject priority: Beta

Last known location: Manehattan (1/31/XXXX)

Use of force authorized. Take extreme caution; subject is armed and dangerous. Strategies for evasion of arrest include surrounding himself with other birds, flanking himself with backup, and tweeting nonchalantly under the guise of a non-criminal bird.

Arrest of identical innocents “strictly” prohibited.

‘Wanted’ posters to be spread throughout all major Equestrian cities and towns. Reward for arrest by civilian: 15,000 bits. Arrest reward taxation: 14,995 bits.

~

February 11, XXXX

Trottingham Tattler

Royal Sisters Revelation Causing Shockwaves Throughout Kingdom

Upon the news earlier this month that Equestria’s royal sisters are not biologically related, and the publication of royal documents that seem to prove it, ponies throughout Equestria are beginning to succumb to hysteria.

Riots have formed in all major Equestrian cities, and crowds are already beginning marches in protest outside their local municipal government buildings. A record number of arrests and detainments are being made as Equestrian authorities struggle to maintain order.

“We’ve never seen anything like this,” said Pepper Spray, the police chief of Vanhoover. “I knew our citizens are prone to mass hysteria, but I never expected chaos of this magnitude.”

Ponies present in riots and marches all over the nation have reported sightings of Discord, the magical monster responsible for the Chaos Crisis of XXXX; reports unanimously include the creature hovering high above the action, pointing and laughing. These reports have yet to be substantiated, although they do suggest a connection to other, unrelated reports of batons and other blunt objects spontaneously appearing whenever a conflict arises between civilians and police forces.

No official response has been made by the princesses with regard to the conspiracy, although they have spoken out against the hysteria:

“This behavior is absolutely unacceptable,” Princess Celestia told the Tattler. “I am greatly disappointed in my little ponies. This kind of disrespect toward civil authorities will not be tolerated.”

Princess Luna agreed to speak to a reporter of the Tattler, although the reporter’s record of the meeting only includes “interminable bouts of unintelligible screaming.” Princess Luna’s public relations office has apologized for the incident: “When agitated, her highness tends to lapse into usage of the Royal Canterlot Voice,” it explained, “a custom common for Equestrian royalty prior to her imprisonment on the moon one thousand years ago.”

The reporter present during Princess Luna’s “lapsing” remains catatonic, and has been admitted to the Canterlot General Hospital for intensive physical and psychological evaluation.

New branches of the infamous Equestrian Society of Truth are being established in every major city throughout the kingdom. Society vice president Tin Foil has issued a formal statement: “We told you so. Game over. Mind beams.”

Rallies have been made in Canterlot for the impeachment of the royal sisters, and the elevation of Tin Foil to the throne.

In other news, reports of mass griffin immigration into the country has some Equestrians concerned. The Equestrian princesses, including Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire and Princess Twilight Sparkle of Ponyville, have declined to comment.

~

Dear Princess Celestia,

This is crazy! Have you ever seen anything like this? I sure haven’t! The only thing that comes close is that one sale on week-old muffins the Cakes put on last year, and even that doesn't compare to this! But I guess it must, because I just compared it!

Anyway, Spike is telling me that I need to hurry up, and Twilight has that look on her face again, so I’ll get to the point. I have an idea that could help solve all of your problems. You know, the problems about you not being related to Princess Luna? I knew that already, but I guess everypony else knows now too. Now Twilight has a different look on her face. I’ve never seen her mouth open so wide! I bet ya I could fit twenty cupcakes in there!

Anyway, Spike is telling me that I need to hurry up again. You know what solves all of my problems? Parties! But you know what else? Pranking! There’s nothing like a good prank war with Rainbow Dash to get me smiling if even a party doesn’t get me out of the dumps. That’s what you and Princess Luna need to do: pretend that this is all a prank! Say that you two are trying to get closer to the ponies of Equestria, and that this was all a test to see how fast important news could be spread to everypony! You haven’t made any official thingies yet, so it won’t go against anything you’ve already said.

I know you’re busy with everything; Twilight tells me that you two have been getting a lot of hate-mail recently. That’s just not nice. Ponies can be so rude! So I’m going to help you get the word out! But to do it, I’ll need help from another pony. Another pony so fun and super-exciting at partying that he just has to be great at pranking too! I mean, he carries around a rubber chicken. That’s comedy gold! What kind of pony would seriously talk to an animal that couldn’t even react to them, and just sat there with a blank look on its face? A crazy pony! And Cheese Sandwich is definitely not a crazy pony!

But I don’t know where he went, so can you help me? Twilight says it would be easy for you to find him, so just make sure he knows to come back to Ponyville as soon as he can. I’ll even throw him a Welcome-back-to-Ponyville party, but that might have to wait until everypony in Equestria stops punching each other because they’re upset.

Pinkie Pie

~

February 15, XXXX

Manehattan News Network

Royal Sisters Conspiracy a Hoax?

Following the startling reveal of the truth behind the royal diarchs’ familial relationship earlier this month, two ponies close to the princesses have told the Manehattan News Network that the conspiracy has been a hoax all along.

One of the ponies, Pinkie Pie of Ponyville, has already reached national fame for taking part in the salvation of Equestria from numerous threats in the past several years. Her achievements include freeing Princess Luna during the Second Nightmare Moon Invasion four years ago, thwarting Discord during the Chaos Crisis three years ago, and stopping an invasion of Changelings in Canterlot at the royal wedding two years ago of Princess Cadance and Canterlot royal guard captain Shining Armor. Pinkie Pie has intimate connections with all four princesses of Equestria, including the kingdom’s newest royal pony, Princess Twilight Sparkle.

The other informant, one Cheese Sandwich, is a well-known party planner by trade.

A Manehattan News Network reporter had a chance to speak with the two ponies.

Manehattan News Network: It is a pleasure to meet with you both.

Pinkie Pie: Ooh, what’s this thing?

MNN: That’s the camera. Please don’t touch it.

PP: Are we going to be on TV?

Cheese Sandwich: I think we are!

PP: *Screams excitedly*

MNN: Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich. You--

PP / CS: Yes?

MNN: ...You have said that the conspiracy regarding the princesses’ sisterhood is actually an elaborate hoax?

CS: That it is. Princess Celestia personally put us in charge of making up a prank, so she could see how efficient communication is in Equestria. I was simply honored! Weren’t you honored, Pinkie?

PP: I was! I was honored!

CS: We were honored!

PP: Super honored!

PP / CS: *Screams excitedly*

MNN: Why did Celestia choose you, Cheese Sandwich? As far as we are aware, you have no personal connection to the princesses.

CS: I don’t, but Pinkie Pie does, and she personally vouched for me!

PP: Were you honored, Cheese?

CS: I was! I was honored!

PP: Princess Celestia knew that I was Ponyville’s permanent premiere pranking pony, and so she knew that if I thought Cheese Sandwich was a good pranker, then by Celestia, he’s a good pranker!

CS: So Pinkie Pie and I thought long and hard, and we decided that it would be fun to pretend that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna aren’t actually sisters!

PP: As if anypony would believe that!

MNN: It does sound outlandish, but many ponies in the country have believed it.

CS: Silly ponies are silly.

PP: We decided to step in when it seemed like nopony else got the joke.

MNN: What do you say about the leaked official documents?

PP: You can’t leak documents, silly. You can only leak liquid things, like water and vegetable oil.

CS: I think she means that the documents were made public, Pinkie.

PP: Oh! We made those.

MNN: You made those?

PP: Yep!

MNN: But what about the references within the documents to other leaked royal news?

CS: Such as?

MNN: Such as the reference in one letter from Princess Luna about an incident regarding the unlawful arrest of two traveling salesponies, an incident that both princesses have denied took place?

PP: Oh, uh, would you look at the time!

MNN: Is something the matter?

PP: There sure is! We have a, uh… a meeting! Right now! With… Twilight!

MNN: With Twilight Sparkle?

PP: Yep!

MNN: For official royal business, we take it?

PP: Yep! You know how it goes, her being a princess and all.

CS: Twilight Sparkle’s a princess?

MNN: Well, thank you for your time, you two.

PP / CS: No, thank you!

~

February 20, XXXX

Manehattan News Network

Royal Sisters Hoax Fallout Dying Down

When prominent Ponyville pony Pinkie Pie pronounced particularly promising pieces of news regarding the conspiracy that the two royal sisters are not actually related, claiming that the whole conspiracy had, in fact, been engineered by the princesses in order to test the efficiency of mass communication in Equestria, many remained skeptical.

Now, however, following the official statement of Princess Celestia insisting that such is the truth, most of Equestria has settled back down after the chaos this incident has caused.

Numerous ponies who had been arrested during protests and riots have been released from prison and compensated for the trouble.

Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire has expressed satisfaction at the effectiveness of the Equestrian news outlets: “Despite the horrible and completely unexpected consequences of this little hoax, the speed at which this apparently-important piece of news spread bodes well for Equestrian communication.”

Even still, however, as Equestrian society works to clean up, there are a number of ponies still clinging to the conspiracy.

“It’s all a hoax, man!” said Tin Foil, vice president of the Equestrian Society of Truth and former presidential candidate. “I mean, this hoax that the hoax was a hoax! It’s not a hoax; the sisters aren’t sisters!” (Attempts by official Canterlot codebreakers to ascertain the meaning of this statement have proven fruitless, said Canterlot royal guard captain Shining Armor.)

Princess Twilight Sparkle wrote to the Manehattan News Network: “I just want Equestria to put all of this chaos behind us.”

Indeed, as major Equestrian cities have proven, the thing first and foremost on the minds of ponies the nation over is recovery.

~

Pinkie Pie put down the paper and sighed in contentment; another job well done. She smiled and hopped out of her room, determination in her eyes: she was planning a party, as she was wont to do.