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Error H: Love is complicated!
Chapter 2: Settling in is easy, tolerating is hard
Chapter 2
Settling in is easy, tolerating is hard!
“Uuuuum, hey Pinks? What’s up with your friend? He’s acting a biiiiiit weird!” Rainbow Dash elbowed her pink compadre, as all the attention had just been diverted onto the mad human on the sofa who was cackling like crazy.
“Eeeheeheeheeheeheeheehee! Boobs! Heeheeheeheehee! Pony chicks! Heeheeheehee! This place is pretty cool! Heeheeheeeheeheehee! Boyoyoyoyoyoyoing!” Adam stuck with his act as if he was in a trance, his throaty voice sounding a little disturbing.
“I dunno! I’ve only known him for a couple of hours and he’s never done that before. But I’m guessing he has had a “Sexy overload”!” Pinkie commented, her comment only serving to confuse her friends further.
“What is… never mind, just wake him up! He’s starting to creep everypony out!” Twilight intervened, throwing the human a disturbed look.
“Okay!” The party mare literally bounced over to her furless friend and pushed him by the shoulder.
That seemed to do the trick as Adam’s eyes suddenly snapped back to normal as if he had just been awakened from a deep sleep.
“Whaaa, whooo? Are we doing something?” the ex-hacker shook his head, the fog in his mind dissipating as his conscience returned.
“Ah think ya just zoned out for a minute Sugar cube.” Applejack sat down next to him putting one leg on top of the other, leaning back and making herself comfortable.
“Did I? Uuuuuh… I didn’t happen to start giggling in weird ways and act like an idiot did I?” Adam asked, a bead of sweat coating his brows.
“I think you did! And it was weird!” Twilight scrunched up her nose disapprovingly.
“Oh, sorry about that… I do that when I’m among lots of pretty ladies.” The dude felt a wave of shame wash over his body as he cursed to himself “Damn you Beavis and Butthead! You stupid, stupid geniuses!”
“Oh? Well then I guess we should take that as a compliment. I’m guessing that’s the way for human stallions to express their approval of a mare’s beauty; quite eccentric!” Rarity said swishing her mane, running her hand through it, her statement getting all of the girls to voice their approval.
This made Adam feel even more awkward but he pretended to agree anyways.
“Hey, Adam! Who are Beavis and Butthead?” Pinkie whispered in Adam’s ear.
“Don’t ask! You don’t wanna know.” The guy replied whispering as well.
“What are you two whispering about over there?” Twilight called out.
“Doesn’t matter!” Pinkie responded.
“Pinkiiiiiiiiiiie!” The intelligent alicorn was just on the verge on pushing the subject when suddenly Mr and Mrs. Cake entered the premises of her home, pushing carts filled with numerous of delicious treats, including a chocolate strawberry cake with dark pink topping.
“Happy Anniversary your Highness! Foods and drinks courtesy of our establishment… On the House!" A short and pudgy mare with a bright cerulean coat and a two shaded very light crimson mane congratulated the lavender ruler of Equestria, a sweet and genuine smile gracing her lips.
“Aaaaaah, I see Pinkie has made a new friend!” Another cheery voice came from Adam’s right, which made the ex-hacker turn his head.
He was a tall and scrawny earth pony stallion, with a carrot orange mane, light brilliant amber coat and a freckled face with pistachio eyes. Heck he was so thin, our blonde protagonist was baffled that there was someone even skinner than himself.
“Indeed! I take it you’re some sort of close acquaintance of hers?” The human offered his hand, which the pony man took and shook.
“Yes! I’m Carrot Cake and my wife Cupcake and I are Pinkie’s employers. We run a bakery in town and Pinkie is our extra pair of hands for everything. All of us live there, our twin foals included, and Pinkie has a free of charge room on the third floor.”
“Sounds like a pretty idyllic way a living! And I’m glad you still get to “bake cakes” with your wife, if you know what I mean.” Adam winked a moment before the stallion laughed heartily and patted the young man on the back.
“I can see why Pinkie seems to be glowing when she talks about you.” The baker pointed over to his employee who was in the middle of a conversation with the Mrs. By the frequent mentioning of Adam’s name and the happy tone in her voice one could easily guess the topic and its direction.
“Oh? Oh! No, no! We didn’t hit it off! For now we’re just friends. I do find her physically attractive as are many of the pony mares here, and I do like her. I’m just not into her that way. It just feels more right for me to start off with some good ol’ friendship.” The blonde dude waved his hands in denial, trying his best to explain his current feelings.
“Well, you never know! You might just become something more than what you are now.” The stallion smirked teasingly before going over to help his wife.
‘Yeeesh! What’s with older couples and senior citizens always pairing up people! It’s like they’re secret shipping fanfiction writers! Wait, what did I mean by that last bit?’ Adam questioned his own use of terms when he was suddenly pulled by his wrist and flung across the room.
“OY!” he screamed just before he was caught by a pair of strong pink hands.
“Heyaa Adam! Let’s daaaaance!” Pinkie hollered as she lowered the human and spun him around like a spinning top.
“Woa-oooh-oooo-ooooooooooh!” The ex-hacker could do nothing but accept his fate and wait for the spinning to stop. And stop it did, as the pink mare finished the move with a dip.
“Uuuuuuuh… Wow! I’ve never been mare-handled before! It was pretty cool actually.” Adam said dizzily as he fought the feeling of the world spinning around him.
“Heeheehee! You’re pretty light for a human stallion. It’s like you weigh nothing. Oh and you’ve got five fingers.” The equine lady added.
“What do you mean? We’ve all got five fingers on each hand!” The man lifted his hand in protest, only for his jaw to drop by seeing Pinkie’s hand lift in unison. The fingers on that hand were only four!
“W-T-F! What is up with that hand? Did you lose a finger? Or are you secretly a cartoon character!” he held up his pink friend’s hand examining it in bewilderment. The whole limb was very similar to the human version only the palm was a wee bit narrower and the quartet of fingers just a tiny smidgen thicker.
“Oooooh goodness, I’ve never seen a hand with five fingers before” Fluttershy appeared, taking a hold of the guy’s hand and beginning her examination.
“Freaky!” Rainbow Dash added as she hovered a few feet above everypony else’s heads.
This comment did not catch the buttery Pegasus’ fancy and she gave Rainbow a fierce look. However instead of that her attempt came out as a cute pouty face.
“Aaaaahaahhaahahahahahahah! Loo-loo-loooohooohooohoohook! She’s so adorable when she tries to be intimidating!” Adam laughed, joined by Pinkie.
“I was trying to be reprimanding.” The meek mare blushed, hiding her face behind her mane for yet another time.
“Flutters, sometimes you’re too sweet for your own good.” The polychromatic athlete landed and elbowed her friend teasingly as they shared a smile.
It wasn’t long before Mrs. and Mr. Cake left to execute their other orders they had to fill out for the day. What they left was a very large buffet table full of sugary confections such as cupcakes, muffins, a cake, fritters, doughnuts etc. That is not to say there wasn’t food that was more “healthy”. There were plenty of vegetarian sandwiches with various fixings including, green salad, tomatoes, cucumbers, pickles, radishes, onion, cabage, celery, boiled eggs and plenty of sauces prepared to put on each mix.
Everypony had a wonderful time, dancing, mingling, playing games, sharing stories and laughing. Adam was fairly popular along with Twilight since they were both guests of honor. And the human had to admit that his expectations of what he would find once he came upon the first settlement of pony society exceeded his expectations tenfold. Not to mention he was pretty much surprised yet secretly thrilled when he caught Rainbow Dash glancing in his direction a couple of times, the look on her face one of sexual interest. ;)
Everything was simply excellent until… Things got Hella freaky!
“… And then I stopped just at the edge of a chasm, the edge of a tall waterfall to my immediate right. The moment my last changeling pursuer came my way, I managed to dodge and trip him at the last moment, causing him to fall into the stream. And down the waterfall he went, screaming like a little girl. He was okay after he splashed down though. He just swore at me a lot.” Adam concluded his latest tale to the girls’ great amusement.
“Haaahahahahahahaahahah! Oooooh, those really are mis-mis-heeheehee-adventures!” Pinkie guffawed holding her aching gut.
“To think that you had to run from an entire horde of dem changelings. Ah sincerely feel for you Sugar Cube.” Applejack patted the human on the shoulder.
“Well… Now that you’ve concluded your stories as to how you got here, maybe you should tell us more about humans in general.” Twilight asked.
“Uuuuum…” The ex-hacker’s happy face suddenly vanished and was replaced by one of reluctance, and hesitance all of that indicated by the sweat forming on his brows.
“Tell us about human society in general!” The alicorn gave the needed example, putting on her best poker face.
“Uuuuuh… Well… I haven’t been very social for more than a year now but let’s just say everybody has their purpose in human society. We’re very organized, always strive to progress in order to make our lives better, we’re versatile, creative and resourceful. When we want to get something done we find a way to get it done no matter how impossible it might seem at first. Even though we don’t get cutie marks, there are adult humans with the special job of finding the greatest aptitudes a child may have in order to magnify them to their greatest extent through specialized schools. From graduation and on, the future generation then goes on to find what they want to do or at least what they’re most suited for. As to social life, we love to form friendship groups kinda like yours ranging from two to many people, and we usually have get-togethers and go hang at each other’s homes, cafes, restaurants, dance clubs, the usual.”
“Wowie, sounds like a great place to be! I would sure love to visit your home town one day and throw a party as big as the whole place!” Pinkie bounced in excitement, barely containing her frantic emotions.
“Yyyyyyeeeeah! That would be nice… heh…” Adam rubbed the back of his neck, the tension in him growing. This was getting out of hand and fast.
This did not go unnoticed by Applejack and Twilight who looked at each other, each cocking a brow.
“What about human politics? What are they like?” The lavender mare continued her query.
“Oh… I honestly don’t know much about that… Let’s just say we have a democracy system and that our politicians are all very well educated and smart people, their tabs always under watch by the Economy department of the police to ensure that all corruption is snuffed out and our system works for the good of mankind.” The human answered curtly… He was lying right now! He did know more! And it made him feel bad and nervous.‘This is not good! I wasn’t prepared for this! I totally forgot to take into account the fact that the moment I enter a town, the residents there would question me about my place of origin and people.’ Adam thought to himself, a tinge of paranoia entering his mind. From there it spread giving birth to various wild and irrational what-ifs.‘What if they make me tell them where Chicago is? What if they decide to conquer it by sneak attack… Naaaaah… we have magic sensors… that much power would be detected instantly and we have a military down in the city and satellites above in space to help. But still… I can’t just betray all of my people… As wild and nonsensical that history document about the genocide is, I am afraid I can’t tell a secret that has been kept for so long. God! What am I gonna do? I gotta dodge fast!’
“Adam… No offense Sugar Cube but you’re sweating like a pig. You’ve got a worse poker face than me, and Ah’m the honestest pony in Ponyville. What’s the matter? Do you feel uncomfortable sharing this with us?” AJ suddenly felt a little worried, her initial inkling of suspicion that had been slowly building up so far, dissipating instantly.
“What about that progress you’ve mentioned? Are you magically progressed? Or maybe technologically?” The purple princess’s questions turned into downright demands, coming out more forceful than ever, as if she was the bad cop of a cross-examination, completely ignoring the ponies around her.
“I…I…” Adam started trembling like Jello, fear starting to take hold of him.
“Hey, Twilight! Stop it! What’s with all these demanding questions! Can’t you see you’re scaring him?” Spike intervened, standing between his charge and the human man.
“Spike, Girls! I know I sound kinda mean now, but I mean come oooooon! It’s obvious he’s hiding something important! I’m sorry but look at him! He looks like a criminal about to get caught! I want answers now!” The princess didn’t back off and this resulted to a major breakdown.
“I WILL NOT BE ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS! THIS INFORMATION IS CONFIDENTIAL!... SECURITY BREACH… CODE RED… ACTIVATE FIRE WALL… I WANT MY LAWYER!”
“Calm down please!” Fluttershy’s voice rang out, much louder and more assertive and usual as the meek Pegasus wrapped the spooked human in a hug.
This seemed to work as Adam took a deep breath and exhaled, his heart rate returning to normal.
“You should be ashamed.” The rose haired mare glowered at her studious friend, putting emphasis on each word.
“Yeah Twilight, what gives?” Rainbow Dash asked, quite puzzled at the alicorn’s uncharacteristic behavior.
“Yes Twilight, that was most uncivilized.” Rarity expressed her disapproval as well.
“Twilight, why are you so mean?” Pinkie’s brows drooped, feeling saddened.
“Well before you start accusing me, ask yourselves this: Why did he suddenly blurt out that all the information he has on his kind is “confidential”? Heck he seems very reluctant to even tell us where his home town is. We don’t know anything about him and it’s obvious he prefers to keep it that way!”
“Well gee… I dunno… mayyyyyybeeeeee, it was coz you were in his face!” The multi-prismatic Pegasus spoke with a sardonic tone and a flat look on her face.
“Way the go, best princess!” Applejack joined in, imitating Rainbow Dash to a tee.
“Wait what did she just call you?” Adam exclaimed, the innerving thoughts of being some detained culprit going away for a moment.
“Twilight’s a princess Addy-Maddy! Why do you ask? Didn’t Spike tell you while we were waiting for the others to come?” Pinkie came up from behind, put her hands on the human’s shoulders and lay her head against the right side of his neck rather suddenly.
“Aaaaheheh… Oooops! I guess I missed that part.” Spike grinned guiltily.
“A… princess… So is this the capital of Equestria?” Adam cocked a brow in disbelief, some things not quite adding up.
“Nooooo, no, no, no! You see Addy, Twilight’s only recently been made a princess because she’s one of the three princesses of Equestria. She used to be the awesome prized student of magic of princess Celestia. She along with her sister Luna take most of the responsibility of ruling Equestria, along with moving the sun and moon with magic.” The daffy mare gave a short expo.
“Wooooooah! No wonder our scientists detected magical influence over these celestial bodies some time ago.” The ex-hacker marveled at this new revelation.
“Yu-huh! And Twilight here used to be a unicorn like Rarity. But a couple of months ago she created an amazing magic spell that turned her into an alicorn like the other two princesses, or in other words, grew these pretty wings! Hooray! And then we had a coronation, and a party, and cake! And now she goes to Canterlot from time to time when her new princess duties beckon!” Pinkie completed filling her friend in, feeling as giddy as ever.
“Sooooo… Just out of curiosity what do these other princesses Celestia and Luna look like?” Adam asked.
“Hold on! I think I’ve got a picture of the two of them with Twilight somewhere on this shelf.” Spike answered, rummaging through said shelf.
The picture displayed three alicorns in very lavish ball gowns. The first one was Twilight, with her mane styled with some fancy locks, wearing a golden tiara with a dark pink gem shaped like a six-pointed star along with golden shoes and oddly enough golden vambraces which however seemed to only serve for decoration. Her dress consisted of the colors pink, buttery yellow and white, the fabric looking pretty heavy and thick with its bow styled nature.
On the right was what Adam assumed Princess Luna, who was a mare of deep blue colors, a mane made out of the midnight sky and with ample curves to boot. She was wearing gem incrusted regalia as well, with the difference that it was silver. Her attire had different shades of purple, from very pale to very dark with flower-shaped ends in the sleeve area.
The final ruler of Equestria was a grand mare of great height. She was a head taller than her blue counterpart and looked very well-endowed just like the rest of her compatriots. Her horn was much longer; her coat a snow white hue, her voluminous hair covered one of her pale magenta eyes, the mane’s polychromatic shades very soft and pleasant to the eye. The colors ranged from light cerulean, to light turquoise, to light cobalt blue, to pale heliotrope. The sideburns at the side were curved up like large hooks. The princess also wore a heavy one piece neck ornament with a gem that matched her eyes, an over the top fluffy crown and a very dark pink gold laced dress.
“Adam? Adam darling are you alright? You seem to have lost your tongue.” Rarity shook the human’s shoulder but got no response.
“Yeah, Adam, what’s up? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Rainbow Dash elbowed Adam from the other side but again, nothing from him.
“He looks like a ghost too! Who drank the color from your face Adam, are you cold Adam? You’ve got a major case of the shivers!” Pinkie zipped from one side of her friend to the other, eventually settling behind the couch the ex-hacker had plopped himself unto, her head right above his, and her hand gently slapping his cheek repetitively.
*Craaaaaaaaa-aaash-sh-sh*
The photo hit the floor, its glassy frame shattering. Adam started hyperventilating, holding his temples in horror. One of his eyes twitched spastically as he gaped at the mare in the middle of that snapshot. The unpleasant memory of a very detailed and very old mosaic piece flooded his mind. He had seen it on the scans he had found as a teenager when he was really into hacking the government’s secret files. At first he dismissed it on the simple notion that any man with common sense would come to: He’d never see her for real since it’s been a whole millennium since the day this tyrant had ruled. But now… Now he was looking right at the picture of a mare that looked just like in the mosaic depiction of her. A mosaic that showed a white female horned and winged pony woman with a multi-chromatic flowing mane, glowing eyes and a sword in her hand, her horn alight with fire, and humans at her feet burning in agony.
“Aaaaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaaaaa… Sorry… I think I mistook the white mare in the picture for somebody else… I mean… she looks just like one of the rulers of Equestria who ruled over a thousand years ago… Yeah… But… But that can’t be her… No… The historical records are… a millennium old… It’s… It’s impossible for that mare to be the same one as the one from a thousand years ago… In fact I’ll prove it to myself so that I may put my fears to rest… Yeah… T-tell me… How many rulers have there been before princess Celestia throughout the last thousand years… besides her sister!” Adam’s laugh was hollow, stuttering and speaking to himself half of the time, his tone frightened and mentally broken.
“What do you mean Addy? Princess Celestia has been the ruler of all of Equestria for the last couple of thousands of years. I mean Luna did miss the last thousand but who’s counting?” Pinkie shrugged her blunt straightforwardness oblivious to tact.
“Haaahahahahahah… Nice joke Pinkie! Th-that’s impossible… No one lives for that long!” The human forced a laugh again, trying his best to keep his sanity in check but utterly failing.
“It’s not a joke Adam. Princess Celestia and Luna are immortal and do not age. That is why they have ruled for such a long time and still rule today.” Twilight said, feeling somewhat confused at her incapability of making heads or toes of the human’s current state.
“N-n-n… Nuh, nuh, No! You’re lying! There’s no way that can be true… if this princess Celestia is the same one from a thousand years ago then… that means… that means…” Adam kept stuttering, his entire world crumbling around him.
“Adam wait!” Pinkie’s fading voice called out. But right now the voice of reason couldn’t reach Adam. For right now, the human was running for his life!
“not… So… FAST!” A raspy voice came from behind the ex-hacker right before he felt a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around him as he was tackled to the ground.
After a rough tumble the guy began desperately struggling as Rainbow Dash tried to out-wrestle him. Of course it was a losing battle as the rainbow maned Pegasus caught him in a headlock and forcefully brought him back to the tree house.
“NO! NOOOOOOO! NO, NO, NO, NOOOO! LEMME GO! I JUST WANNA LEAVE! PLEASE, I JUST WANNA LEAVE IN PEACE! PLEASE!” the scrawny human kept squirming much like a wild animal caught in a trap, screaming his lungs off.
“Settle down human boy! What’s gotten into you?” The cyan mare brought him to the floor pinning him down.
“Oh dear! Look at him! He’s so scared! I’ll go and get some tea!” Fluttershy covered her mouth in shock before briskly removing herself from the room.
“Adam? Sugarcube? Adam… Adam…” AJ tried to get through to the hysterical man before finally snapping “ADAM! GET A HOLD OF YERSELF DAGNABBIT!”
This caused the hacker to finally stop, his body becoming lax and motionless. The look on his face was one of defeat and a cry for help as his desperation was at a breaking point.
“P-pleeeeeease! Don’t tell princess Celestia I’m here! If she learns that a human has appeared she’ll do anything to get me to say where the others are… Th-then… then she’ll kill me dead! She’ll kill me dead, kill me dead!” Tears trickled down Adam’s face.
“Adam! I think that I speak for the sake of all of us and so I ask you as to what you’re speaking about and can you please get a hold of yourself and explain to us why you are so afraid of our princess Celestia.” Rarity kept her cool in all of this insanity, being the one to speak first among the shocked crowd of pony ladies.
“If… Even if I tell you you won’t believe me. And I don’t have the proof with me. It’s back home. And I can’t take you there because it is a secret place.” The broken man tried to piece together some sort an excuse.
“Why Adam? Please tell us about the nasty-wasty thing that’s making you upset. Pleeeeeeease! Will you do it at least for meeee?” Pinkie picked the human up and put him in her lap as she sat down with him on the sofa, embracing him tenderly.
“I’ll try.” Adam took a big breath and exhaled shakily.
After Fluttershy returned and handed him a cup of hot thyme tea, a couple of sips were enough to bring him to a calm enough state to begin.
“There is a reason I don’t want to tell you much about my kind and where I come from. It is the same reason as to why none of you have ever heard of humans before. We’ve been hiding in secret cities for a little more than a thousand years now. We’ve isolated and cut ourselves off of every sentient nation on the planet. We’ve developed ways to keep in touch with the changing world around us as well as with the other human colonies by developing a means to communicate in real time from great distance. We also document everything about everything including the other nations and their people, without going outside. It’s not like we’re spying or anything, we just keep track of the world’s fauna, flora and every major event in every country’s ever changing history and culture. As to how we are able to do that while being undetected, I’m afraid that is a secret too.”
“But why would your people be hiding darling?” Rarity asked, her question supported by the rest of the girls’ curiosity.
“There is a secret that my Government has been hiding from the human public. A dark chapter of history erased. I stumbled upon it years ago; a copy of some ancient tablets dating a thousand years ago. It told of a tale when ponies and humans coexisted together and the two lands had peaceful relations full of trade. That however changed after the Equestrian ruler of the time, the mare that is now known as princess Celestia waged war on my kind. The reasons were unknown by any human. She just came with a huge army, invaded the land of my people that was once known as Terra and began massacring us all…”
“YOU LIE!” Twilight’s voice exploded like a fired rifle, her eyes flashing white for a moment.
“Cool your britches!” Applejack tapped her ballistic friend on her horn, making her come out of her fit of rage.
“Ow… Oh! Oh?” The alicorn’s ears lopped down as shame washed over her face “I’m so sorry! I don’t know what got into me! It’s just that there’s no way princess Celestia would do such a thing.”
“Twilight Sugarcube, I know liars. And I know for a fact that this here fellar isn’t gaining anything by telling us this. He seems bright and Ah can see that he knows that the only way to show us that his intentions are pure is to tell us what he can. Plus, he is very bad at hidin’ his emotions.” The farm mare voiced her opinion before finally adding:
“Thank you Applejack!” The stressed human took another gulp of his tea before continuing.
“How come no human remembers the war and how come you’re the first one who has left his home town in a thousand years?” Spike took his turn for a question before anypony else did. But then again all the others were preoccupied with their overflowing emotions.
“The last paragraph of the tablet said that when the remainder of the humans reunited after the heat died down, the king of the time forbade anyone from speaking about the war ever again. The subject became a taboo and thus the future generations never knew about those horrific events. This was done as a precaution because if this event was remembered in time there would be another war coming and the king wouldn’t allow that. Only the royals and consequently the other people in power were trusted this secret as all human children were taught not to communicate with the outside world from a young age. When I read this historical relic, I didn’t think much of it at the time since I dismissed the idea that the Equestrians would harm any human in present day since I thought… well that Celestia had passed away long ago… So I wasn’t worried when I decided to leave and find a new place to live… Well until now.”
By now Pinkie and Fluttershy were reduced to tears as they hugged each other for comfort. Applejack and Rarity were rather quiet and pensive but Twilight and Rainbow Dash were not amused.
“Your story sounds like total baloney! How’d you get this information in the first place if it was so heavily guarded? Just strolled in and took it? Hmmmm?” Rainbow Dash flew up to Adam until she was right in the human face, her nose pressing into his.
“I… I stumbled upon it!” The man stuttered.
“Not buying it chum!” RD sang out.
“OKAY I STOLE IT! THERE! HAPPY NOW?” The hacker yelled out and covered his face with his hands. Quite frankly right now, he felt like a piece of shit. He came here to start over and already he was fucking everything up. He wouldn’t be surprised if in a couple of hours he would be lead away in chains. The turmoil was simply getting too much for just one guy.
Of course this answer shocked everypony as they gasped oh so overdramatically.
“Why would you do that Addy? Stealing is wrong!” Pinkie mewled dejectedly.
“It’s complicated.” Adam mumbled in between his palms “I used to be what people from my place call a hacker. I hack into a very complex immaterial system of information called “the Internet”. It’s like an infinite invisible magical mega-mind that stores every bit of information we humans gather and upload onto it. We can go into the Internet through devices with a monitoring window called Holographic Personal Computers. Everybody can see most of the information on there, but there are protected parts of the Internet that have several complex protection codes to keep other people out. Like secret sites! And I just so happened to learn how to break these codes and get to that protected information. It’s just the only thing I was good at, gathering information and all. There were some organizations who offered me money to steal secrets from their competitors, and that is how I turned my hacking abilities from a hobby to a profession since I couldn’t get a better job. The bachelor’s degree I studied for was basically useless because there were no available positions for legal hackers at the time.”
“Not cool!” The speedster crossed her arms and glowered, joined by her lavender supporter.
“Don’t say that!” Pinkie lifted the skinny guy up and hugged him tight protectively.
“Pinkie, don’t fall for his sap stories! He’s just fooling you! He’s a crook! He could rob you blind and take advantage of you with lies!” Twilight took the offensive, not liking the idea that her friend was defending the person she had grown to dislike immensely.
“Pinkie’s right! He’s obviously a nice person! His stories might seem dark and scary but I think we should give him the benefit of a doubt.” Fluttershy stood beside her fun pink companion.
“Yeah! He’s pretty cool! Back off!” Spike joined in, shrinking slightly as his princess stared daggers at him.
“Spike! Not you too!” Twilight hissed reprimanding.
“Rarity, AJ, what do you two think?” Rainbow Dash turned to the rest of the group.
“Ah dunno y’all! While his stories seem to add up and Ah don’t hate him or anything, Ah don’t like the fact that he used to be an outlaw. Ah think Ah should reserve mah judgement until he shows us who he really is. Besides, he knows there would be consequences if he steps outta line.” AJ spoke sagely, measuring the pros and cons carefully.
“I agree with Applejack! We should act civilized and proper about this! He is our guest and we shan’t convict him unless he breaks the law here or hurts one of our friends. If anything on those tablets of his is true, we’ll know the truth from princess Celestia soon enough.” Rarity said in a dignified tone while filing her nails.
“Uuuurgh! I can’t believe you ponies! Two of you defend him…"
“He’s untrustworthy”
“Ladies, ladies please! Can’t we agree to disagree?” Adam tried to intervene only to be told off by Rainbow Dash.
“NO! NOW SHUT UP!”
It was in these next seconds that the human decided everypony’s had enough and hollered.
“You know what? I won’t shut up! EVERYONE ELSE QUIEEEEEET!”
After he got the silence and attention he required, the ex-hacker continued.
“It’s fine if not all of you like me! If I’m not wanted here, I’ll understand and leave! How many of you want me to leave?”
Two hands were raised but other than that the others seemed to support the human staying here.
“Okay! First of all I want to apologize to princess Twilight for ruining her special day with my stupid personal shit! Princess Twilight?” Adam addressed the royal equine lady, prompting her to come forth.
Once she did, the man got onto one knee, took the ruler’s hand and kissed it.
“I’m very sorry your highness! I didn’t mean to drag you and your friends in with this heavy stuff I told you. I know this must be too much for you to hear and that you distrust me, maybe even hate me, but I’m willing to prove to you that I am here on good terms and I will earn your trust no matter how long it will take me. You have the right to imprison me if I happen to break any of your laws in the future.”
The look on Twilight’s face was unreadable. She felt internally pleased that this human at least had the dignity to apologize but nevertheless vowed to keep a close eye on him.
“Now that this is over with, I’m going to leave you in peace and go around town for a bit. But before I do that I would like to beg you for one small favor… even though I have no right I want you to at least hear me out.”
With more silence as an affirmation to his plea, the dude went ahead:
“I hope it’s not too much, but could you promise me not to inform any pony with political and social influence about me and the others? I would prefer it if princess Celestia didn’t know about any humans and limit that knowledge to this town’s ponies.”
Before Twilight or Rainbow had the chance to voice their objections, Pinkie beat them to the word:
“We’d love to! In fact we’ll all Pinkie swear on it!”
“Pi…” Rainbow Dash tried to speak but held her tongue at the menacing glare she got from her party compadre.
“Okay! Repeat after me girls… and Spike!” everypony prepared as they chanted the very familiar routine “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!”
Raising a brow, Adam decided not to ask any questions about this weird display and just go with it.
“Well, Adios for now!”
“Adam, wait! I’m coming with you!” Pinkie glued herself next to the human, grabbing his arm.
“Just a moment Pinks! You’ll both go right after I have a quick word with this guy.” The cyan athlete grasped Adam by the shoulder and separated him from everypony else.
Soon after both Adam and Pinkie were out and about, strolling the streets.
“This was a total nightmare! I thought I’d get all of those nasty topics out later on but not so soon and all at once to boot!” The man said, pulling on his hair.
“Oh just chill and dip yourself in a bucket of ice-cream! Don’t be a mopey-mopes! It went well enough! You’re gonna win all of the others over in no time! Just be yourself and everything will work out! Trust me! I know my friends!” The looney mare draped an arm around his back with a toothy smile on her face.
“Yeah and in the meantime, I’ll have to figure out where I’m going to sleep.” Adam rubbed his temples absentmindedly.
“Oh that’s easy! You’ll be living with me, in my room!”
“Bu…”
“No buts mister! That is an order from your new best friend! You’ll stay with me until you get on your own two feet and buy yourself a home!” The pink pony booped the human on the nose several times as her little speech went on.
“Have I mentioned how happy I am to have found you?” The blonde male grinned appreciatively getting another hug from his new friend.
“You just did! Now let’s get some food, I’m starving!”
(Sountrack link in the first words of the text below) And so they traversed the various thatched structures that were all over town and yet there was plenty of space in between the separate houses and in between the rows for big and small dirt and gravel roads. Everything was so lush and green, and fresh with lively colors all about. The birds were singing and flying about, ponies were doing their daily activities, and little foals frolicked and laughed with their high pitched little voices. In fact some of the ponies’ fur and mane coloration was so bright and contrasting it kinda irritated the Adam’s eyes. As to the town ponies’ behavior, they were all very friendly and often waved over to the two, some of them even stopping to say hi and get acquainted. Nopony seemed to mind Adam’s presence as Pinkie explained that there were plenty of other species of beings that dropped by to town from time to time, a certain zebra being one of the most common visitors. However there was one thing that made Adam feel slightly uncomfortable. It was all those weird stares and smiles some of the female equines were giving the two of them. Some were even bold enough as to point and gossip in whispering voices. The human didn’t manage to catch much of these conversations but he did hear something among the lines “Pinkie has a new Coltfriend”.
“Hey Pinkie?” Adam said.
“ Yuppers!”
“Have you noticed how some of the mares point at us and talk about how you have a new “coltfriend” and then they point to me and… you get the idea.” he rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.
“Oh? Heehee! Let ‘em talk. They love to gossip. Don’t let it bother you.” Pinkie giggled and then stopped and proclaimed,
“Do they have food here?”
“Heehee! Yes they do silly. It isn’t as choicy as a restaurant but it works for lunch.” The party girl squeed as she plopped herself onto a seat.
Taking a look around Adam saw that the outside table’s area that they settled on was very nicely arranged and get this… The tables were actual giant mushrooms and the chairs were piles of hay which was actually pretty comfy to sit on.
“Very retro… uuuh, I mean rhural. I like.” The man noted, very pleased.‘This town is the bomb! I so want to live here! In fact I will! As long as “my little problems” from today stay away.’ he thought as the waiter came in.
He was a mid-sized stallion with cream colored fur, a dark greyish-blue slick back mane and a carefully brushed tail to match. His dainty little moustache spoke of fancy and good manners.
“May I take your orders?”
“Oooo! I’ll have two portions of hayfries, three egg salads, two bowls of dandelion soup, a large dish of risotto and a strawberry shake.” Pinkie chattered up, obviously knowing her order by heart.
“Woah! Healthy appetite. But then again it’s no wonder." Adam widened his eyes in awe.
“Thanks!”
“And what about the Monsieur over here?” the waiter inquired.
“ Uuuuuh… I guess I’ll have a cheese omelet ; the one in the picture here with the vegetables in it.” The guy pointed at his menu, the waiter nodding in comprehension “Also could you put some French fries on top of my omelet? And bring a bottle of ketchup if you have. And for drinking I’d like a jug of pineapple iced tea.”
“Right away! Sir, miss.” The stallion nodded and after rechecking his pad to see if he got his orders right, he departed.
“So…” Adam began tapping his fingers awkwardly on the table “While we wait why don’t you tell me about yourself: job, regular activities, hobbies, your passions, you know the deal.”
“Oh yeah! After all you will be living with me.” The mare smiled raised her hands till they were beneath her face and began counting down with her fingers “Sooooo, I was born and raised on a Rock farm, then moved to Ponyville, I got really good at throwing parties for all occasions, I love baking cupcakes and cakes and muffins and fritters and pies; I love to dance, goof around with my friends, play funny pranks, make ponies smile and I like happy and sweet things. Does this work for you?” Pinkie spoke like a humming bird, her fingers oddly enough multiplying in front of the human’s face. When he rubbed his eyes and looked again the extra fingers that had seemingly grown out of his friend’s hands were gone.
“Uuuum, well I grew up in a decent family; we could afford all of our basic needs; had a good education even though as you heard before my career tryouts didn’t work out; about a year ago I used to go out a lot, walk the streets with friends, have all-night soirees at each other’s homes; I love watching movies, mainly comedy flicks, some cartoons, listening to music and I like to drink my morning coffee nice and sweet.”
“Wow! Neat-o! You sound like you love parties!” Pinkie leaned forward get eyes only an inch from the ex-hacker’s.
“That sounds awesome Pinkie! It’s just that I’m not into big crowds and deafening music. I just prefer to chat with my friends. It’s why I avoid night clubs. This party was fine.” Adam admitted twirling his two thumbs together.
“Oh okay! Then you’re automatically invited to every next one of my parties from now on! Here’s your all-time pass!” The pony girl dug into her frizzy mane, pulled out something and handed him what appeared to be a pink ticket with balloons at its corners and a star in the middle that said “All-time Pinkie Party Pass”.
“Sweet!”
“Your drinks sir, madam.” The waiter returned and served our duo their respective refreshments.
It wasn’t long before lunch arrived as well and the funsome twosome could finally dig in. It was 2:23 pm. at the moment and all that partying had left the two friends famished. Nevertheless during their meal Adam and Pinkie kept conversing, talking about this and that and giggling when they made goofy faces with their mouths full as each one tried to make the other laugh. Both of them seemed so in synch, such a fine couple of fun seeking comedians, always looking at life from the funny side. And they were having the time of their lives.
After the bill was paid the human and pink earth pony mare set out to finish the tour of the town. Pinkie made sure to show Adam each important area of Ponyville including town square with town hall being in the middle of it, the marketplace, the schoolhouse, Carousel Boutique, the Spa center, Sweet Apple Acres and Fluttershy’s cottage. It was nearing six o’clock when the two called it a day and headed to their final destination.
“Here we are! My work place and home sweet home!” Pinkie beamed as they neared Sugar Cube Corner.
“Woooooah! This is… uuurgh… too… sweet…” Adam pretended to have a sugar rush and shook all about from the sheer volume of sugar he was seeing “Ermagash! It’s giving me diabeetus just looking at it!”
“Nyahahahahahaaah! Aaaahahaahahahahahah!” the party girl guffawed and snorted hard “Oooooh Adam! You’re a riot!”
“Thank you! I try!” the man grinned taking a bow before both of them went inside.
As they walked in, they found that the store’s sign now spelled closed and that the Cakes were putting their stock away for the night.
“Heeeeey! I’m baaack! And I brought Adam with me!” Pinkie called out, catching the middle-aged ponies’ attention.
“Oh hiya dearies! How did the party go?” Mrs. Cake was the first to respond, a radiant smile gracing her lips.
“Great! We all had a great time! It went without a hitch! Everypony really liked Adam!”
“But Pinkie, what abou-OOOF!” The human tried to speak up but was elbowed rather hard in the stomach by his nervous friend who put on her best facade.
“Yeah! And then we went out and had lunch and walked around town! It was fun, fun fun!” the mare concluded, her grin widening to an almost splitting degree.
“We’re happy for you.” Mr. Cake said, putting his hands on his wife’s shoulders as he peeked from her left side.
“Oh! One more thing!” The party animal remembered as she went down to business “You see I brought Adam here because he’s new in town and his money doesn’t work in Equestria. May he can stay with me up in my room until he gets on his feet and is ready to move out? Squee!”
“Hmmmm… Interesting proposal.” The stallion stepped forward giving the duo a sly grin.
“I’m willing to help around with whatever work you give me. I’d make a good chore monkey, shop clerk and I could assist Pinkie while she bakes. I can’t bake myself though.” The ex-hacker nodded respectfully. If he had a hat he’d be taking it off right now.
“Well this sounds convincing. I’m willing to hire you. What do you think carrot bunch?” The Mrs. looked over to her hubby.
“You’ve got yourself a deal mister… Say, what is your full name?” Carrot Cake inquired taking out a quill, going over to the counter and opening the register pad.
“Adam Lao Turner, Mr. Cake.”
“Good! I’ll issue you a contract tomorrow and once you get your citizenship approved you’ll have a place here.” The pony man explained as he scribbled down some stuff.
“Is it easy to become an Equestrian citizen or something?” Adam scratched his head, the idea of things getting complicated now popping up in his mind.
“Yeah! It’s going to be a piece of Cake Addy-Maddy! They accept almost anypony or anyhuman as long as you’re nice! And you are! Plus I’ll vouch for you!” Pinkie slung her arm across the dude’s shoulders in support.
‘I guess I’ll have to introduce myself as a refugee and tell them that I didn’t feel like I belonged in my society or something. I don’t have any documents and I’ll have to go with “my country is isolated from all the others” bit and hope they’ll go with it. God, I hope this works!’ Adam thought as he weighed in his options.
“We’re going up to check on the babies. You two can make yourselves something to eat in the kitchen.” Mrs. Cake said as she and her spouse went up the stairs.
“Awesome. Yay!” The duet replied, heading for said place.
“Oh and Pinkie, Adam!” The lanky stallion stopped the two “When you go to sleep make sure you don’t keep each other awake all night. If you know what I mean?” he smirked as he left the couple blushing at the implication of his hint.
“We’re sleeping in separate beds right?” Adam mumbled after a long pause.
“Mhm!”
***
The kitchen interior was candy themed just like the rest of the place. Its colors were those of soft green, wooden brown, soft magenta and very pale pink and purple. There were two cabinets, a door leading to outside, what looked like a fridge, a frying pan hanger, a wooden counter with a built-in kitchen sink with a pump and a stove, and a couple of showcases filled with pastries against one of the walls.
“So what would you like to eat?” Pinkie spoke, putting on her best apron.
“You got bacon?” Adam said absentmindedly as he looked over the room.
“What’s bacon?” The mare turned her head in curiosity.
“D’oh! I forgot! You guys are herbivores!” The guy facepalmed at his mistake.
“Yeah, so?”
“Well, I’m an omnivore!”
“Oooo, fancy words! I know some too! Like antidisestablishment-ary, Honorificabilitudinitatibus, accoutrements, concupiscent, parsi-mo-ni-ous, ah bleh, ah bloo!” the mare got excited as she shot out every long word she knew before she got tongue tied from all that pronunciation.
“No, no! That means I eat vegetables, fruit and meat.” The dude waved his hands.
“Meat? As in animal meat?” Pinkie’s stated in bewilderment.
“Mmmmmhm… and that means… That means I eats you naaaaao! Nomnomnomnomnom!” The conversation turned into a joke as the human grabbed the pony lady and began gently gnawing on her shoulder, making her squee.
“Aayeeeeeeeeeeee! Oooh noooo! A wild human is trying to eat me! Don’t eat me Mr. Human!” The two laughed as they played a chasing game.
After being satisfied with their brief fun activity, it was time to get back to their purpose in the kitchen. Pinkie prepared two large plates of spaghetti and wheatballs covered in marinara sauce and fetuchini. The plates were so deep and the wheatballs so many, they looked like miniature hills. The food was so much that Adam had to give up on finishing his food and gave the rest to his friend who was happy to gobble it up.
With their bellies full, the human and pony woman directed themselves towards the upper floor bathroom. There the party mare explained to her guest how to use the appliances inside before she herself went to the other bathroom.
***
Adam climbed up the stairs and into Pinkie’s room, all clean and squeaky. He had brushed his teeth after showering so he had his dental hygiene covered as well. Pinkie’s chambers were fairly large for a third floor room to say the least, not to mention its exterior was shaped like a cupcake with candles on it and a balcony. What was a sight to behold however was the girly/candy theme of the room. The whole place looked like it was made of candy, with its bright pink, sea blue and buttery yellow colors; there were candy cane support beams, licorice stick railing on both sets of chocolate brown stairs, ice-cream cone support for the railing and so forth. Adam also noticed the balloon patterns on the carpet and the cover of his hostess’ bed, the various photos of the parties his hostess had thrown hung up on a wall, and he had to say, he was bewildered at the whimsical nature of the whole room.
‘This girl really loves what she does!’ The guy thought as he removed his towel and proceeded with putting on his boxers and a plain jet black t-shirt.
Looking around for a bit, the ex-hacker quickly spotted his own bed, a plain cot with a comfy mattress situated on it, a fluffy pillow and a nice clean sheet.
Smiling at the sight, the human walked over to it and sat on it, testing it out.
‘Sigh! This is what I’m talking about! Other than the whole outrage some of the girls had over my hacking past and that History lesson fiasco, I gotta say the Equestrians are more hospitable than I’ve ever hoped for!’
“Hey Adam! You like your bed? I brought you my blow-dryer.” Pinkie’s pitchy voice interrupted Adam’s reflections.
The moment he looked up was the moment the young man’s jaw dropped.
His new friend, Pinkie Pie was approaching him with nothing but her underwear on. Her lingerie was azure, consisting of a floral patterned brassiere and very frilly panties . Every bit of her large yet perfect curves was put on display, leaving very little to the imagination. Adam was under a spell as his eyes followed the mare in front of him relentlessly, the hormones inside of him messing with his head as he found he couldn’t tear his eyes away.
‘My God, do I have one sexy roommate! I am one lucky bastard!’ He thought as his “hotness scanner” went over the large thighs, accentuated waist, perfect abdominals and massive titties, bouncing with each step the mare took.
“Heeheehaahaa! Aaaahaaaahaaahaahaaaaaah! Y-y-your face looks s-s-soooo funny right now! Heeheeheehaahaahaa! Haahaahahaaa!” The party pony started laughing her ass off, her boisterous cackling bubbly and giddy. So hard was her fit that she was forced to double over which was then followed by her falling on the floor and literally roll in laughter.
“I………….. I…………………….…….Well I guess I do!” Adam responded after which he too started snickering, joining his companion, his once embarrassed crimson face settling down to its normal state.
“Oh, well it is summer Addy-Maddy! I always sleep in my underwear during the summer. Why do you ask? Is it bad not to feel ashamed since we’re roomies? Is that so woooong?” The looney mare puckered her lips innocently on the last syllable, tucking her arms in which put some accent on her breasts.
“Hell No, it ain’t wrong! In fact I love what I see! But… I have to admit, it does give me mixed feelings.” The human’s initial grin turned in a look of shyness as he turned around, feeling embarrassed and covering up his rising libido.
“Aaaaaaw, you’re being shy. That’s so cute.” Pinkie wrapped her arms around her friend, smooshing him with her soft body.
“Yeah, no kidding! I mean… Dayum girl! You’re such a tease! Everytime I see you, my hormones are like “Yo, I’d totally tap that!”! No offense, just being honest!” The dude spoke his mind, the awkward knot in his stomach tightening.
“Hahaah, yeah! You do look like that when your eyes light up!” The female prankster gave her male-friend a powerful slap on the back, making him wince.
“You know Pinkie, I really like you. You’re funny, you’re energetic, you’re random! I’m really happy that you’re not like the type of women I’ve been around with. I’ve had some bad experiences with a number of shallow human women who are obsessed with sex and consider their friends “friends with benefits” and fuck with everyone else. What I’m trying to say is… you’re a great friend to have!” Adam put his hand on the equine woman’s shoulder, getting her to grin.
“You’re too kind! However, it’s really sad to hear that there are mares like that from where you come from. They sound like meanies with problems.” The mare voiced her opinion, frowning at the notion that was “the human sluts”.
And so Adam and Pinkie’s conversation continued, its serious tone quickly developing into story telling of funny tales and cracking jokes. A lot of fun time was shared between the two with all the board games they played until they finally got tired, crawled to their respective beds and went to sleep, awaiting the day of work that lay before them.
Author's Note
This was the chapter when I decided I should introduce the problem with the ponies trusting Adam. As you can see, Adam can’t just blab everything there is about his kind without compromising his people’s safety. Also it was quite natural that not everypony would love the fact that Adam used to steal information from the net for a living. And the whole Adam’s story about Celestia bit does insert doubt as a story of Celestia committing genocide does seem hard to swallow.
As for the “Celestia killed the humans” conflict, let us wait until Adam gets settled in for the next 2 or 3 chapters until we bring the princess of the Sun in for a “Surprise visit”.
As I said, Let’s take things slow! I’m going to start with solid Friendshipping of Pinkie and Adam! No sexual relationships will be shared between them until the time is right! They’ll just be friends until the turning point where Pinkie’s feelings develop into something else. ;) That’s not to say there will be no sexual attraction coming from Adam’s naughty side. After all, it’s only natural to get horny when you have a hot friend, LOL!
Those moments Adam caught Rainbow Dash looking at him that way; it was merely her checking out our dude. It was basically like one of you checking out a hot lady but not actually thinking of trying anything with her. So, I WILL NOT SHIP RD with Adam!
Now some exposition on that human Recon stuff that Adam mentioned his people did:
And Jeeeeeeesus! I can’t believe nobody got the Beavis and Butthead reference from the ending of the first chapter! Oh, well, I guess the general demographic of that MTV show doesn’t hang out in pony sites. *shrug* Here’s an episode link to their show if you wanna see.
http://bubblare.se/movie/beavis_butthead_212_no_laughing
On a side note, I’ve redesigned Twilight’s and Fluttershy’s bodies. The change has been made in chapter one. Check it out if you like.
PS: I’m still developing artwork for the fanfic! So far I think the sketches are awesome. I might insert my art into the chapters when I deem the pieces ready.
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Error H: Love is complicated!
Chapter 3: Blending in (Update in Author's notes)
Chapter 3
Blending in
Adam was woken up by a crow of a rooster, the sound very much an unpleasant way to get up. And for some reason there were these annoying pitchy sounds ringing in his ears that he couldn’t determine the source of as he was still rubbing the sleep off of his eyes.
“Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam… Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up! It’s time for your first day of work! Squeeeeeeeee! I can’t wait!” Pinkie was all over the human’s bed, throwing confetti all around, her adrenaline washing over her body better than any mug of coffee.
“Pinkie? Could you please smash the screeching alarm clock that seems to be ringing all around me?” The man groaned finally getting onto his feet and standing up, his hair all disheveled.
“What alarm clock? Where?” The looney mare turned her head left and right frantically before it finally dawned upon her,
“Mmnnnnnnnnnmmmmm… I am so not a morning person.” The dude mumbled, his whole body feeling irritated.
‘Note to self! Don’t scream at your roommate to get up in the morning!’ Pinkie smiled sheepishly as she pinned that small mental reminder.
“Okey-Dokey Adam! I’ve already freshened up so I’ll be heading for the kitchen to bake the morning goodies. You on the other hand need to clean up then head downstairs and talk to the boss. Okay, Addy?” The wacky trickster beamed as her roomie nodded in agreement, giving her the go ahead to leave him for now.
Adam brushed his teeth and hair, washed his face and shaved the small traces of a beard that had started forming during his long voyage. That being done, he went back up and put on a stylish blue short sleeved shirt and a pair of knee high jeans, which were a part of a new wardrobe Pinkie had somehow dug up out of nowhere, claiming that somehow Rarity had made these clothes in a matter of an hour yesterday. With everything in order the human deemed himself prepped enough to face his new bosses. Going down to the main hall of the bakery, where there were tables and chairs set up all over the place, the dude noticed one of his employers Mr. Cake tending to the counter. A wave was all it took to catch the stallion’s attention.
“Good morning Adam! Did you sleep well?” The pony man nodded, putting a tray of hot chocolate muffins on top of the counter.
“Good enough. I’m ready for my first assignment.” Adam acknowledged lazily, suppressing a yawn.
“Good! Now then for your first job, I’d like you to run the sales and sell everything you can during the morning rush.”
“When does the bakery open?”
“Let’s see… Now it’s 6:39… You have twenty minutes to get ready.” Mr. Cake looked over at the clock on one of the walls, before he joined his wife who had just walked in with the twins strapped to her front.
“Yes! Stock the counter, sell the stuff, ask Pinkie for help if I need it.” The guy repeated everything in summary.
The family on the other hand didn’t dilly dally much and made their exit as soon as they were assured their new employee had understood his orders.
Going up to the counter, Adam picked up the trays from the cart and began arranging them in their designated places. He was just about done and with five minutes to spare when he noticed something he had forgotten to ask about.
“Pinkiiiiiiiiie!” his voice flew in through the kitchen.
“Yes Adam!” Pinkie poked her head out of the double saloon doors.
“Can you teach me how to work this thing real quick?” The ex-hacker pointed towards the old fashioned cash register “And maybe bring me a mug of coffee. It’s going to be a long day.”
***
It was 7:04 precisely. Adam had just flipped the sign to open and was now slurping on a big glass of latte from his straw. The only sounds that were noticeable in the overall silence were the ticking of the wall clock and the stirring and humming noises Pinkie made in the other room…………………………………. 7:06… This was getting boring… Why can’t something exciting happe…
*SLAM*
“Look out in frooooooooooont!” A grey and yellow blur appeared, slamming the door open and flying straight for the counter and for the human of course.
“Ooooh nooooooooooooo…” The dude immediately jumped over his workplace, took a solid stance and braced for impact with the object that was currently whirling towards him.
*POOF*
Even though said pony was massive and almost managed to topple Adam on top of the counter where the fragile glass casing lay, somehow the human managed to completely kill the inertia and leave them in an awkward position between lying and standing.
“Ooooooow… That’s what I get for trying to be first in line so early in the morning.” Derpy voice groaned as she flexed her aching wings.
“Excuse me madam but could you please get off me?” The ex-hacker asked politely.
“Ooooh? Sorry about that!” Derpy got up quickly with the help of her wings and immediately pulled the “pony” that had broken her momentum up on his feet.
Except that pony wasn’t a pony.
Both beings stared at each other in bewilderment. Adam noticed how interesting and delightful were the mare’s yellow eyes which always seemed to shift in opposite directions but his own eyes soon found themselves going over the mare’s generous physique, its mighty frame and tits even bigger than Pinkie’s. Not to mention she was taller than the dude.
‘Those are too big even for me!’ Adam thought as he looked away.‘She does seem like a nice pony anyways.’
Derpy in the meantime couldn’t comprehend what she was looking at the moment. It was obviously some sort of a ponyson as its body did remind her of Mr. Cake but then again it was totally different. What was with that lack of fur, those five fingers, and those strange hooves at the end of its feet? Well, there was a small package between his legs so the gender was obvious.
“Excuse me madam! It’s obvious that you’re puzzled as to what I’m doing here so I’ll tell you: My name is Adam Turner, a human and immigrant to Equestria, and temporary vendor of Sugar Cube Corner. How may I help you?” The blonde man offered his hand which was taken and shaken.
“Uuuum, hey! My name is Derpy Hooves and I’m the local mail-mare around these parts. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of your kind before… uuuummmm… what were you again?”
“A human!” Adam repeated and got back to his station.
“Oh yes! I’d like two of your chocolate chip muffins please.” The Pegasus mare gasped excitedly, gluing her eyes onto her most delicious of treats.
“Coming riiiight uuup!” The human chimed, picking out a paper bag with the shop’s logo and putting the order inside.
“*Giggle* Thank you!” Derpy smiled.
“Adam!”
“Kay! See you around Adam.”
And off the mare went. It wasn’t long before other ponies started flooding in marking the beginning of the morning rush. There were plenty of school foals dropping by alone or with their mothers on their way to school as well as working adults who were in a rush to get to work and get a quick bite for the road. Least to say Adam had his hands full for the next hour or two, Pinkie Pie being ever so dear as to restock him with new sugary confections every time a tray emptied.
Things were going better than the dude expected as he managed to pitch in plenty of fun and creative ideas to sell more stuff such as “try our new product, buy 5 for the price of 4”, “take a free picture with the human, buy three cupcakes in return”. It was his corky and joking new ways that lured the crowd in but interestingly enough only 10 minutes after the rush was over, a small pack of mares took their place to have a late breakfast at ten o’clock. He was confused at first as to why they came but while they were eating at the tables, our ex-hacker managed to catch some of their conversations.
“Ohmegosh! You weren’t kidding when you said the new guy’s totally cute.”
“Yeah! I saw him yesterday. I thought he looked pretty exotic but to think that he’s such a sweet talker too.”
“I told you he is such a dreambow!”
“Well, I don’t know about you girls but I don’t exactly find him “Hot” cute but rather “funny slash puppy dog” cute.”
“I agree.”
“You have no idea what you’re missing! If you haven’t put two and two together yet, then you should know that there aren’t many males around town. So I personally hope to get my hands on him during the upcoming heat season.”
‘Heat season?’ Adam rubbed under his chin with his thumb, pondering as to what that was.
He didn’t dwell too much on it thought as noon eventually came and so did his bosses with their kids. After a small lunch break, our dude was told that he could have three hours’ worth of time off. Seeing as Pinkie was still busy with some heavy wedding cake orders, the human decided to take a stroll around town, enjoy the tranquility, and meet some new ponies.
And so he did, finding himself scouring the streets of Ponyville.
As Adam crossed into marketplace territory, he couldn’t help but notice how crowded it was. There were ponies and vendor stalls all over the place. Since he was pretty much broke at the moment, the human just decided to have a look-see, and view the various products that were set on display. The cover of each stall was always filled with numerous eye-catching patterns and pictures meant to attract attention, not to mention that by the sound of things bargaining for the price was a regular thing here. As he walked through the torrent of equines, the dude saw a portable stall on wheels, surrounded by barrels full to the brim with a variety of apples. The ex-hacker remembered the insinuations that were put into Applejack’s name and her cutie mark which was very visible under her Daisy Duke shorts and therefore came to the very good hunch that she or one of her family might be operating this stall.
“What can ah help you with Mr.?” A familiar southern drawl sounded in Adam’s ears getting him to look at his addresser.
The moment he looked however made his eyes bulge almost out of their sockets. The stallion in front of him was immense, not to mention super tall. This tremendous giant towered over Adam’s 6’1’’ feet with his more than impressive 6’5’’. He was like a red Lebron James only twice as huge and bulky.
“Woooooooah! You’re huuuuuge!” The human uttered as he was obviously not listening to himself right now.
“Why thank you. Ah do get that a lot.” The equine man chuckled at the other guy’s anthics before proceeding with his intro,
“Uuuuh, yeah! The cartload of apples and your face freckles gave you away.” Adam snapped out of his reverie, composing himself.
“Pleased ta meetcha partner.” Big Macintosh nodded.
“So Big Mac! May I call you that? Yes?” The human leaned on the cart striking an idle conversation.
“Well, Adam, ah live with my two sisters Applejack and Apple Bloom as well as mah Granny Smith. We are simple farm folk who run our own business at Sweet Apple Acres. We grow corn, grapes, and carrots and have our own apple orchard. We usually make a big enough crop to feed ourselves, the town and even export to some other fancy cities sometimes. What is common knowledge around Ponyville is that we’re the most closely knit family of all. We always stick together and watch out for one another. As to what ah like, it’s a nice quiet rest after a hard day of work.” The stallion gave a rather basic yet thorough exposition about his life and family. One could tell that even though Big Mac was more the quiet type, he actually really wanted someone to talk to.
“Pretty idyllic!” Adam concurred.
“How about you Adam? What’s your story?” The red giant asked as he arranged some loose apples.
“Well, long-story-short, I kinda felt a bit lonely at home and just up and decided to go and discover a new place, make some new acquaintances. Right now, I’m temporarily crashing at Pinkie’s place. I’m the bakery’s new guy.”
“Eeyup! Ah already know that bit with the bakery.” Big Mac confirmed, putting a piece of straw in his mouth nonchalantly.
“Whut?”
“News travel fast lil guy and sum of the mares are talkin’ bout cha.”
“Oh yeah! I kinda overheard some stuff. They also mentioned some sort of “Heat Season” thing. You know what that is?” The human noted and asked.
“Well partner, y’all in for a crazy week. In about a month will come a time when the mares go “in heat”.”
“In heat?”
“Eeeyup! In heat. During these times, mares feel the need to rut more than ever. They become very aggressive and will gun for any male to satisfy their desires. If you don’t hide in time or not well enough, they’ll swoop down on ya all at once like a flock of hungry crows on a single corn stick. If yer lucky enough, one of the more influential mares might claim you as her own and protect ya from the others as long as you give her what she wants.” The muscular stallion exposed, being very precise on the technicalities.
“Ayeee, sounds like dangerous times!” Adam shuddered.
“They are. Now ah know that mah advice is not always the best but you better be especially wary this here season. Y’all a new stallion in town and Ah can see plenty of mares that are looking atcha as we talkin’ right now.” The red pony man noted, making the blonde dude look nervously to and fro, searching for these staring females.
“Damn! This isn’t even a bit reassuring! I mean I love having sex as much as the next guy but I don’t know if I can handle a nonstop marathon!” Adam shuddered once more, his eyes darting around.
“Don’t worry too much! Since you’re the new stallion here, Ah’m here for you. Ah know some places to hide if you need any. We males have to look out for one another since we’re not as many as the mares here.” Big Mac patted the human on the back, his touch a lot lighter than his strength entailed.
“Thanks! That means a lot. Sooooo, by the way… How about you? Do you get to score during heat time?” The homo sapiens elbowed the big guy teasingly with a wink.
“Eeeyup! Ah usually pick a different mare every time and we have a good ol’ roll in the hay in the barn.” Macintosh puffed out his chest slightly in a fit of pride and struck a dignified pose.
“Hell yeeeeeeeeeah! High fiiiiiive!” Adam and the stallion shared a five as they grunted in their macho approval.
The human was just thinking of leaving when a yellow apple flew at him, which he instinctively grabbed.
“Here, have one!” Big Mac called.
“But I’m broke!” Adam replied.
“On the house, partner!” The red giant assured him.
Moving on, some time passed and Adam was seriously wondering what to do on the account that he didn’t know many of the ponies here, nor did he know most of his friends’ addresses. He was just thinking of simply going over to chill at the park when he heard a very nice and lively alternative rock piece , the jam coming from a secluded shop, nestled inside the first floor of a house. Bobbing his head to the rhythm, Adam’s feet instantly turned into the direction of the music, as if his whole body as if attracted by a magnet.
Taking a peek inside, he saw plenty of gym equipment. Plenty of dumbbells, iron weights, benches and exercise machines adorned the whole place, with plenty of space in between everything. There were only two occupants currently inside. The first Adam instantly recognized as his eyes glued themselves onto her and her hot bod.
It was Rainbow Dash who was exercising on a multi gym machine , using the pull-down element at the moment, pressing down on the long bar until reaching the back of her neck and then easing off… WITH HER WINGS! Astonishingly enough, the polychromatic Pegasus was doing the exercise with her wings instead of her arms. This gave her a good exercise of said appendages, not to mention that it helped strengthen her already strong back. Sweat trickled and matted her sky blue fur, the only moisture soaked up by her rainbow colored sports headband. Her round and perky tits heaved and receded under the strain of her very dark grey sports bra, a very vague and yet visible semblance of nipples poking through the fabric not to mention that there was some cleavage in the neckline area. Underneath those perfect bumps were the bare chest, waistline and abdominal areas which had quite the tantalizing features: from the inwardly curved and svelte waist to the small six-pack which was very well defined. Personally Adam didn’t like six-packs on females but hey, it still seemed right damn impressive on Dash. The pelvis was really narrow, which the human found real sexy, and the spread and perfectly shaped rock hard legs gave the dude a view of her small camel toe, the dark grey spandex shorts leaving little to the imagination.
If there was a steel bar in his hands, Adam would now be bending it with all those hormones raging inside his body.
“Uuum, hey Rainbow Dash! I didn’t know you’d be here at this time.” He walked up to his acquaintance after he was calm enough (and got rid of his hard-on, lol).
“Whatever!” The fem pony strained under the pressure, struggling to finish up her session.
“You come here often?”
“Do you mind? I’m trying to train here!” Rainbow snapped, feeling irritated.
“Uuuuum, okay… I’ll just back off… and leave you alone…” Adam did as he promised and back-stepped away.
“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! ” A very loud and husky voice startled the ex-hacker as he jumped in fear and looked around.
There was a pure white stallion on the other end of the room, pumping his biceps with a barbell bicep curl exercise. He had blood red eyes and wore his amber mane in a very short Mohawk mullet style which was complimented by his very short tail. Though… calling him a stallion might not be the right word to describe him……………… Let’s just say something about the pony guy gave one the idea that he was using steroids… Maybe it was because of those ridiculously huge muscles with veins pumping all over them.
Quite frankly seeing all these big hunky equine men were starting to give Adam a “body image” complex. If the mares here were anything like the women back home, Adam might have to look for a way to increase his weight.
“Yo, you the instructor here? May I talk to you after you’re finished?” The human asked.
“Mmmhm! Just give me a second sir and I’ll be right with you.” The white stallion spoke with a deep polite baritone voice, his aggressive expression changing to an understanding one.
Hanging up his bar to its designated stand, the pony man turned his attention to his potential customer.
“Hello! I’m Bulk Biceps, the official trainer and owner of “Sweet Package” gym! What can I do for you?”
“I’m Adam! ...Well, I’m not the gym type and all but I’m just wondering… out of curiosity! Can you give me some tips on gaining weight?”
“Hmmmmmmmm…” Bulk looked over our dude, craning his head left and right.
“Excusey?”
“Come on, don’t be shy! Don’t be ashamed just coz there’s a mare here! Be a stallion, yeah!” BB encouraged Adam, who nervously undressed until he was shirtless.
“Now let’s see.” The male pony began inspecting.
As the evaluation went on, Adam could swear he could detect some suppressed noises coming from one side of the room.
'Is Rainbow Dash laughing at me?' the ex-hacker thought.
“… the abs are nice but you need to pump them up. Same goes for the legs. Now, put your hands on your waist and move your elbows inward… Hmmm, weak back. Nothing a back machine can’t fix!”
Rainbow Dash was now officially snickering.
“What about those weight gain tips?” Adam rolled his eyes at the mare’s insensitivity before returning his attention to the matter at hand.
“Oh that’s easy. Try this!” The trainer gave the human a plastic bottle with the name “Hunger wolf” written on it.
“What does this thing do?”
“It expands your stomach tract and gives you extra appetite. It’s been approved by the Canterlot Medical Institute so it’s totally safe. See the stamp at the bottom?” Bulk pointed at the bottle before handing it back.
“So how much is this thing going to cost me?” Adam scratched his noggin.
“You can have it for free!” BB grabbed the human with one arm and squeezed him close before turning on his commercial voice,
Letting Adam go, the stallion returned to his normal demeanor and asked again:
“So would you like to sign up as a member of my fine establishment?”
“Gee I dunno! It’s been real hard for me to gain mass and I don’t wanna lose any more weight than I already have.”
“There’s nothing you can’t do! I’m a professional, trust me! Once you feel the burn you’ll soon return! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!” Bulk’s tone became all raspy and screamy again.
“Ummmm…”
Adam really didn’t know if he had time to go and pump iron regularly. True a nice body would be nice, not to mention that he didn’t have any TV or internet to distract him now but still…
Just then however just as the ex-hacker was feeling conflicted about the whole thing he looked over to the outside window. There he saw two mares passing by: One was a wild cobalt blue, brilliant cyan maned unicorn , wearing a pair of dark purple shades, a matching pair of fake leather short pants with an undone belt, and had killer legs, a round and nicely shaped ass, and an amazing rack clad in a black and violet stripped boobtube; The other female that came soon after had a cerise coat and a very pale rose and very pale cerise mane and wore a much more modest knee high skirt and a simple short sleeved white buttoned shirt that was rather snug on her rather ample chest.
“Where do I sign?” Adam said curtly, taking the notepad with the form on it.
“Sure I’ll open a tab.”
When everything was done and over with, the human could finally go on to someplace else, get his addled mind off things.
“Hey Rainbow!” he called out as he passed the cyan Pegasus.
Once he was out and about, Adam sat down on a bench and took a big breath. Other than the small urges he’s been having today, everything was going nice enough. He actually just got a nice deal: go to the gym regularly from now on, blow off some steam and take pills from an interesting looking bottle.
“Look girls there he is!” A young voice which sounded a lot like one of a filly came from somewhere.
“Let’s tackle him!” Another similar voice joined in. Adam glanced to and fro but couldn’t manage to pinpoint the little rapscallions.
“Why would we do that?” Another filly asked.
“Duh, coz it’s fun!”
“Isn’t that kinda rude y’all?”
“Suit yourself girls! BANZAAAAAAAI!” The human felt a small creature latch onto his back, which set him straight onto his feet, having had jumped in surprise.
“Ooooh, what the heck! Who’s the wise-guy on my back?” he ran about and swiveled his back left and right, trying to grab his little assailant as hard as that was from his current position.
“Wooooo, yeah! This is funner than riding one of your bulls Apple Bloom!” The tiny tackler wrapped her arms tight around the ex-hacker, obviously enjoying herself.
“Oh, fun is it? Let’s see how you like dealing with gravity!” Adam smirked and then abruptly bend over, making the filly lose her grip and land on the ground.
“Scootaloo, y’allright?” A buttercoated eight year old earth pony girl with a pale red mane with a bow on top ran over to her friend who had fallen on her bum in a fit of dizziness, her eyes swirling about. It turned out this little back-latching rascal was indeed a filly of the Pegasus variety, about the same age as her friend, with a fuchsia mane and orange coat, wearing blue baggy shorts and a plain black t-shirt.
“Yeah, yeah! But anyways that was aaaaawwwesoooooome!” The assailant jumped back onto her feet and cheered.
“Hey, don’t just leave me there girls!” Another filly ran up to her friends. She was but a wee white unicorn with an adorable grayish mulberry and pale rose curly mane and tail.
“Oh good, it’s the three little testosterone killers! Just what the doctor ordered!” Adam brought his hands together observing the fillies with endearment. This was exactly the break he was looking for, hence the inside joke.
“What was that mister?” The filly with the bow cocked a brow.
“You guys are so cute!” The bedazzled human said.
“Oh, great! It’s not like we don’t get enough of that from Rainbow Dash’s friends.” The Pegasus rolled her eyes, annoyed.
“Gasp! You have a little bow!” Adam ran his fingers over said bow.
“Great! Another super softie.” The orange filly pouted.
“Hey! Guys can appreciate adorable stuff just as much as girls.” Adam replied, running his hand across the annoyed little girl’s head and messing up her mane.
“Well, ah heard from mah sister Applejack some foreign hoo-man came here to Ponyville to settle in. So we came here to ask how hoo-man kids earn their cutie marks.” The filly with the country accent specified said purpose.
“Oh! Yeah! You must be Apple Bloom! I met your brother Big Macintosh a while ago and he told me all about your family.” The human said and then bent his knees and offered his hand.
“ADAAAAAM!” The white furred foal squeaked excitedly.
“And you are?”
“Sweetie Belle!”
“And I’m Scootaloo and I wanna know about your cutie mark secrets!” The one called Scootaloo skipped up and down in impatience.
“Yeah… Heheh, funny story. Humans don’t get cutie marks.”
“GASP!”
“Yeah! It’s kinda more complicated with us. Sometimes we’re good at one thing, sometimes in many things. We just have to follow the things we love to do the most, and eventually we’ll find the one that we’re great at.” Adam sat down on the grass, settling himself in a cross-legged position while the fillies lay down around him.
“Hey! This works too! Hoo-mans don’t get cutie marks because their talents are invisible and they have to play a game of “try your favorite things”.” Sweetie Belle’s eyes shined in wonder as she explained the way she understood those words.
“Yeah! This is the best advice a grownup has ever given us, even if you’re not a pony.” Apple Bloom agreed.
“I guess this is good enough.” Scootaloo stuck out her tongue, trying to wrap her brains around the meaning of Adam’s words.
“Ah told you, you should get a backpack!” The country girl noted.
“My old one got eaten by Winona, okay? And the custom one my dad ordered isn’t ready yet!”
“Okay, okay! Winona already said she was sorry.”
“Hmmm…” Adam picked up a small notebook and looked over the last page that had stuff written on. It currently held some multiplication and division math problems.
“Yeah… we need to do it today. And that sucks!” Scootaloo snorted in chagrin.
“Why?”
“Because these multi-whatsit and divi-doo-hickeys are too hard to figure out!” she screamed in frustration, stomping on the ground.
“We tried to help her but she only gets more confused that way.” Sweetie Belle whispered in Adam’s ear.
“Hey! I got some pretty fine techniques to help you remember how to do it.” The human said.
“You do? Oh, tell me, tell me!” The fuchsia maned filly perked up, she and her friends surrounding the human.
“Now let’s see.” Adam took the notebook again and looked it over.
“My fingers?” Scootaloo looked at her hands, puzzled.
“Yes, your fingers, silly! Now pay attention! Here we have “What does 5 times 3 make?”. Well, in order to do that we raise our hands and present three fingers.” Adam demonstrated,
The fillies added the fingers just like the ex-hacker showed them and to their pleasant surprise realized that he was right.
“Now Scootaloo, try 2x6.”
“Ummm… two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve… twelve?”
“Right you are kiddo!”
“Alright!” Scootaloo jumped up and hovered for a few seconds before settling down to the ground.
“Division is similar just remove fingers and count how many times you remove them; like 8 divided by 2. Now as you see I’m showing 8 fingers, and then I’ll start removing two each time and see how many times I have to remove two fingers from eight to reach zero fingers. One time, two, times, three times, Four times! So 8 divided by 2 is 4!” The human showcased his method carefully and watched as the children mimicked him.
Before the guy and the fillies knew it, it was three o’clock, the homework was done and they were saying their thanks and goodbyes.
Once he made his way back to Sugar Cube corner Adam was instructed to help Pinkie bake. He didn’t have to do the actual execution of the recipes, just hand Pinkie the ingredients.
“Hey Adam! Wanna try some banana cream pie?” Pinkie was upon the human the moment he entered the kitchen, stuffing his face with a slice of the baked good.
“Mmtnx!” The guy nodded, chewing and swallowing.
“Come over to the counter and let’s get started Addy!” The pony lady bounced over to the countertop with a ladle in hand.
It was then that Adam noticed what she was wearing. It was apparently one of those full body aprons that were meant to protect your clothes from getting stained while you cooked. This one matched her mane and had yellow and blue hearts all over it. However… it also rested quite snuggly against the mare’s body… and it showed off that large hourglass frame and deep cleavage rather well…
‘Aaaaand, the little guy’s awake again!’ Adam inwardly sighed as he propped himself on the table top.
“Soooo, let’s begin! I tell you what to hand me and you do it! Any questions?” Pinkie clarified.
“None!”
“Good! Now let’s get shaking and baking………………… with a sooooooooooooong!”
“Oh, okay… um, whut?” Adam was stunned at the last statement but before he could inquire as to its nature any further, the song was underway.
Today we’re baking a special treat, we are! We are! The most delish and wonderful on the sweet baaaaaar! Vanilla! Cake! So yummy, tasty, sweet! Vanilla! Cake! Follow my instructions tout de suite!
Hand me the electric mixer, let’s beat the sugar and the eggs! Better heat the oven quick! For a little oil the pan now begs!
Oh isn’t it grand to bake with me! The renowned and great chef Pinkie! Get me the flour, baking powder, salt, and milk, vanilla! Sift the dry and whisk the wet and don’t forget the stick a bu-tter!
Vanilla! Cake! So yummy, tasty, sweet! Vanilla! Cake! Follow my instructions tout de suite!
Now that everything is stirred, mixed and pulverized... It’s time to pour the batter, time to clean the platter, time to close the oven, wait an hour dozen! AND THEN! DON’T! FOR! GET! THE FROSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
YEAH!
“Woah… umm… Bravo!” A flour covered Adam coughed up some of the stuff and clapped, after which he patted the white powder off his clothes.
“Now that the layers are in the oven, let’s move on to something fresher! Like fruity deserts!” Pinkie went for the fridge, stuffing her body halfway in with only her round booty sticking out.
“What kind of fruit exactly?” The human asked as he snuck a peak at his charge’s behind and cleaned the workplace.
“Oooooooh!” The party mare pouted and stomped over to her assistant with arms crossed.
“Oh?” Adam looked bellow her neck and snickered.
“Huh? Eeeheeheheehehehee! Snort! Aahahahahah! I have some bigguns alright!” The pony lady jiggled her boobies sideways.
“Hell yeah you do!” Adam concurred and high fived his friend.
It was nearly 6 p.m. by the time the funsome twosome were done for the day, and while they were finishing up cleaning the kitchen, Pinkie said:
“Hey Adam! How about we go to Town Hall to get that citizen application of yours a-going?”
“Isn’t it kinda late for that?” The human looked at the wall clock.
“Nop-a-rooney! Mayor Mare ends work at 8 so we still have time for a last minute interview.”
“But don’t we need an appointment for that?”
“Then we’ll just settle for a run to there and back.” The pink mare beamed and without waiting for any consent took Adam by the hand and zipped out the door, the man literally gliding in midair like a streamer at the incredible inertia the party girl was creating.
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH! THIS IS AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME! IT’S LIKE I’M FLYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!” The dude screamed in excitement, a big smile plastered on his face as both of them zoomed through town, his charge practically treating him like a kite to run with.
And just when Adam was having the most fun, everything ended abruptly as Pinkie stopped dead in her tracks, accidentally letting go of him, making him fly into a bale of hay. Unfortunately it was stationed against a wall, so that lead to ex-hacker into banging his head against it. With a white flash appearing before his eyes, the human saw stars dancing around him as he poked his head above the hay.
“Oopsie! Y’alright Adam?” The party mare grinned sheepishly, walking over and grabbing Adam by the shoulders.
“Oh, no thanks, I’ve had enough sarsaparilla. Check please.” The delirious man pointed his index at a couple of random directions.
“Good heavens darling! You shouldn’t do that to ponies, or to… humans for that matter.” Rarity lined up to the duo, she being the reason as to why Pinkie had stopped so impulsively.
“Don’t worry! I got this!” The looney pony assured her friend before proceeding with shaking the hell out of the human and yelling at him at the top of her lungs.
“Oooooooo! Five Pinkies and three Rarities! That’s… pretty hot!” Adam snickered like an idiot.
“Allow me, dear.” The white unicorn took out a bottle of Perrier water and emptied its contents upon the poor guy’s head.
“Huh, what? Ow my head!” Adam got up and shook his aching noggin.
“You okay darling?” Rarity pulled a tube of cool cream from her purse and applied some on.
“Yeah, sure, I’ll live.” Adam took a few deep breaths.
“Sorry Addy!” Pinkie apologized.
“Don’t sweat it. So, we were going to Town hall right?”
“Yuppers!”
“Oh before you do, let me help you out.” Rarity dipped her hand in her purse again and pulled out a brand new stylized orange t-shirt which she handed to Adam.
“Thanks, Rares.” The human changed clothes.
“Hmmmmmm.” The seamstress scratched her chin as she looked the guy over.
“I’ll just pin it on my schedule.” Adam ran his fingers through his still wet hair.
“Wonderful! I might even design some other outfits for you too. I’ll just be on my way then. Sweetie Belle is being picky about her food again and I need to make a last minute trip to the market. Chaooo!” Rarity crooned in a sing song manner as she went on her way.
“Bye Rarity!” Pinkie waved back before returning her attention to her hairless companion.
“Urgh! Where the hell am I supposed to find a hairdryer at this time and place? I need to be somewhat presentable in front of your mayor.” The man groaned, squeezing water out of his locks.
“Well here! This one runs on magic!” The zany mare unceremoniously passed him what he needed; pulling it out of her mane like it’s no big deal.
“You keep a blow-dryer in your mane?”
“I keep a lot of things in there! Wanna see?” Pinkie bent down a little and parted her frizzle.
Shrugging at the ridiculousness of the proposal, Adam peeked. The space between the pony’s fingers seemed dark and void at first but the closer the dude’s face came, the clearer things became. Finally, even though things were getting ridiculous, the ex-hacker pushed his head inside. To his surprise, half of his body went into what seemed like a hole to another dimension. It looked like a gigantic canyon of pink hair filled to the brim with all sorts of small paraphernalia and oddly enough large objects like a cart wheel or a canon. The other strange thing was that the place wasn’t like a dark cove or anything; it was well lit even though the source of light was unknown.
Pulling himself out of this bizarre phenomenon that was his friend’s mane, Adam stared at her with wide eyes.
“Hahahaahah! Careful Adam! Your eyeballs might pop out!” Pinkie giggled.
“I’ll never question anything you do ever again.” He responded in a monotone tone.
***
Despite their slight delay, the two were inside Town hall a little after 6:30 pm. The place was kinda emptied out at this hour, seeing as to how some ponies had finished work early and had gone home for the evening. Nevertheless, Pinkie and Adam made their way to a small room that contained a serious looking earth pony mare typing away on an old fashioned typewriter. One could tell that she was the Mayor’s top assistant what with the determined gaze on her face and navy blue formal suit. As to her appearance, she wore a pair of big black rimmed spectacles that complimented her bark brown eyes, not to mention that her mane was a greyish very dark brown, styled in a big bun and split bangs. Add to that a dirty white coat and you had a very proper looking and punctual mare.
“Hiya Inkwell! Is Mayor Mare busy? A friend of mine needs her help with something!” Pinkie said with her casual friendly tone, getting the other equine to look up at her.
“No. She is quite available. It would be refreshing for her to assist somepony with a problem before she clocks out. You’re free to enter at any time.” Inkwell said, retaining a neutral expression.
“Neato! Well I’m going to go over and talk to her! Addy, you sit over there at the waiting area!” The pink trickster nodded, skipped over to the Mayor’s office and went in.
Shrugging at the prospect of waiting, Adam took a seat. Having nothing to do, he began fixing his hair, combing over the spot where he still sported the nasty bump from earlier. It didn’t hurt as long as he didn’t press on it too hard. However after a few minutes of doing that, he got the feeling that somepony was watching him. Glancing up he was just in time to see Inkwell avert her eyes from him, an evident blush spreading on her face.
‘Woah! I guess it really doesn’t matter that I’m human! But still, it’s amazing how many mares here are turned on by tall and skinny dudes like me.’ The blonde thought with a sense of pride. Things would probably go even better once he went to the gym for several months.
“Addy! Come on in silly buns!” Pinkie suddenly appeared at the threshold of the room against him.
Obeying her words without a complaint, Adam walked into the office.
***
The mayor had had a really slow day. There wasn’t much work to be done and nopony had visited her today. Normally she would be glad at such a lucky prospect and would relax with a nice paper or two but reading the news was only able to shave a couple of hours of her time. And the paperwork was done too. Sometimes she wished she could work among other ponies and not just spend 75% of her time in this stuffy room. But she was glad that her day was going to end the way it would.
“Hey Mayor! Meet my new friend Adam the human!” Pinkie crooned, grabbing the man by the shoulders and plopping him onto the stool in front of the desk.
Least to say Mayor Mare was quite surprised to see such an exotic and hairless individual.
‘Dayum! For a mayor she is just as gorgeous as the rest in town. And that waistline can’t be real!’ Adam thought as he looked over the political figure in front of him.
She was wearing a suit with a tie much like her assistant only its color was a shade darker than her coat which was that of light grayish amber. This mare looked rather young for her stature as her waist was ridiculously thin underneath her clothes. It was a good thing she had decided to cover up her generous bosom with lots of cloth though it did bring the question as to why somepony would even consider wearing so much during such a hot time of the year.
‘Dude! Snap out of it! Guuuuuh! What’s the matter with me today! I keep undressing with my eyes every mare I see!’ The human chided himself just in time for the mayor to begin speaking.
“Good evening Mr. umm… what is your full name?” she asked.
“Turner, madam; Adam Turner! And if I may say so, I didn’t expect the mayor of Ponyville to look under thirty.” Adam got up and bowed politely.
“My! Are you sure he’s not from Canterlot, Pinkie? He is very well mannered.” The mayor suppressed a giggle.
“Nope-a-rooney! He comes from… uuuuh… I dunno… I guess I’ll just call it Humanland!” Pinkie drew circles on her chin with her index finger as she thought up numerous of random names for Adam’s country.
“Either way, I think that it’s okay to put your citizen application into consideration Mr. Turner. If our most trusted town resident Pinkie Pie is vouching for you then I see no harm in sending that application to the Canterlot immigration department.” Mayor Mare dug through a drawer and gave Adam a form.
It took a few minutes for the aforementioned form to be filled but with the help of Pinkie, the human managed to fill out each gap with reasonable yet not too traitorous information:
Application
Surname: Turner
Application type:
Reasons:
Application number:
Applicant signature: Adam Turner
‘There! Even with this information, nopony should have any clue about my kind. After all, Terra and Terrans sound like a typical name for some obscure country and species nopony has ever heard about.’ Adam thought as he gave his now filled out document.
“Now let’s see… hmmmm…” The mayor said to herself as she skimmed through the form.
"Adaaaaam! I though you told me you're a human, not a Terran!" Pinkie whispered ever so subtly.
"Shhhhhhh! Secret from Celestia remember?" The human elbowed his pink furred friend.
"Oh yeah! Heehee!"
“Well it seems that everything is in order Mr. Turner. I’ll send this application to Canterlot via the local Postal office first thing in the morning.” Mayor Mare declared giving the party mare and ex-hacker a polite smile. In all honesty she had no idea what the names Chicago and Allied States of Terra meant but she wasn’t the type of pony to pry in other people’s personal knowledge.
“Yaaaaaay!” Pinkie squeed grabbing Adam tightly and squeezing him hard.
“Yeah! I hope so too.” The dude replied as he reflected on his actions on the side.‘I sure hope that these actions of mine don’t have any dire consequences. I so want everything to work out okay!’
“You needn’t worry. Equestrian emigration and citizenship laws are very liberal these days. It doesn’t matter if you’re a fugitive or a simple traveler. As long as you find yourself honest work and a pony to guarantee for you, everything will work out.” Mayor Mare said as she got up and began gathering her things.
“No Problem Marey! We’ll be right out!” Pinkie beamed and quickly skedaddled, the ex-hacker hot on her heels.
***
Adam and Pinkie were back at Sugar Cube Corner and inside Pinkie’s room. Before having dinner Adam had tried one of those “Hunger wolf” pills and oddly enough they did their job well. Too well in fact… Right now the man felt as if his gut was gonna burst any minute from eating so much egg salad and salty pancake cake .
“Guuuuuuuh… too… much… food…” he groaned as he assumed the fetal position in his cot.
“Well… one would… expect to get a tummy ache… if one ate… too much… duuuuuuh!” The zany mare diagnosed her buddy’s condition as she bounced on her bed.
“I guess I’ll get used to it once my stomach expands.” The dude muttered and rolled over to the other side.
“Hmmmm… this isn’t fun at all.” Pinkie ceased bouncing and sat down, becoming pensive.
“………………………. Aaaaaaahaaaa! Ideaaaaaa!” she yelled in joy and jumped onto her feet.
“I guess that’s okay. Not my type of comedies but okay.”
“We only have time for one. But ooooooo, which ooooooone?” The mare fussed over the titles until she grabbed one at random.
“Whatever is okay with me. Play that shit!” Adam waved his hand as he got comfortable, only to gasp as his roommate picked him up and plopped him onto her bed.
“If you’re going to watch movies with Pinkie, you need to share the friendship spot.” Pinkie giggled as she prepared the home movie projector, popped the disk in, pressed start and crawled up to the human snuggling next to him like an adorable kitten.
The flick didn’t seem all that interesting to Adam as he yawned from time to time, watching those colts and fillies jump around and perform handstand acts. It was obviously a family picture as it was very appropriate for young foals. Pinkie on the other side was thrilled, beaming throughout the entire movie. And once it was over, she set up some pillows on the floor, as to not wake the tenant family and did several of those tricks herself. The dude smiled at his happy-go-lucky friend who did somersaults, flips and other goofy tricks for his amusement. He was sure glad he had such a sweet and caring friend. And it wasn’t long before Adam fell asleep.
When she got tired Pinkie went and took a shower to freshen up. And after drying herself off she got to bed, tucked Adam in, lay next to him, draped an arm over his shoulder and eventually fell asleep as well.
Author's Note
I wasn’t sure with what to name the official country of the humans in my fic so I went with a knock off of the USA. After all, since the human cities are divided by a great distance from each other, even though they basically have the same system and laws, there should be some different laws typical for each city much like in an American state. And since they keep in touch with high tech communications, they are allied.
Don’t worry! Adam’s head is okay! I just did this head banging scene for the comedic effect. Everybody in my fanfic follows the laws of Cartoon Physics! Lol!
The movie I referenced was “Bring it on: All or nothing”. It isn’t a very good film but it was watchable back when I saw in my late teens. Plus I remembered cheerleader Pinkie from “Rainbow Falls” so I thought Pinkie would like this flick. And Adam… he’s not that picky as long as it’s nothing terrible or hard to watch.
UPDATE: Through some advice in the comments I decided to get Adam to lie about his species' and country's name in the scene at the Mayor's office. Mayhaps to avoid further suspicion. ;)
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Error H: Love is complicated!
Chapter 4: Fanning the flames of friendship and antipathy! Part 1: Carousel Boutique
Chapter 4
Fanning the flames of friendship and antipathy
Part 1: Carousel Boutique
Saturday came, the smell of rain permeating throughout the town. It was Adam’s third day in Ponyville and a day off for both him and his favorite pink friend. He had twenty bits in his pocket earned from the previous work day which he decided to save until he got some more. Nevertheless the promise of good times lingered in the air.
“Yaaay Adaaaam! You arrived to Ponyville just in time for the weekend! Now we get to spend two whole days together! I’m soooo excited!” Pinkie bounced around her friend, being her usual bubbly self.
“Sounds nice! I could use some getaway from the crowds.” Adam took some deep lungfuls of outside air, its aroma being quite soothing .
“Why? Do you have anything in particular in mind for today?” Pinkie asked.
“Kinda. I was hoping we could meet some of our acquaintances so I can get to know ‘em.”
“Who?” A question mark appeared above the mare’s head.
“Your five friends… from the party…”
“Hahah! That’s a funny way to call them!” Pinkie giggled.
“Well, technically I am not friends with any of them as of yet. And some of them like totally hate me.”
“No they don’t!”
“What about Twilight and Rainbow?”
“They’re just being sillyyyy!”
“Anyways that’s why I’d like to visit them where they live. I’d like to get to know your friends better.”
“Gasp! That’s a great idea! Simply brilliant! You’ll lay down your cool lines on them and then… then they’ll have to love you!” Pinkie put her hands on her cheeks in elation.
“Sounds like a plan!” Adam nodded.
“Then what are we waiting for!” Pinkie bounded towards the stairs to the second floors as they were still inside the bakery.
“HOLD IT!” Adam hollered which prompted Pinkie to literally freeze-frame in midjump as if someone had pushed the pause button.
“What?”
“We need to roughly plan this out. Like in which order should we visit each pony and how long a stay per each.”
“Heeheeheeheehee! You sound just like Twilight!” The party mare chortled.
“Really? She does that too?”
“Yeah! She creates lists!”
“I see! Anyways, we don’t need paper, just some mental notes.”
“You talk sciency like Twilight too!”
“Shut up Pinkie!”
***
With the planning stuff settled the twosome made their way towards the first destination, which was at Rarity’s. They were going to stay there for an hour and then it was off to Fluttershy for two hours, drop by Sweet Apple Acres for lunch and finally spend the rest of the afternoon at the library.
“How come we ain’t gonna visit Rainbow?” Pinkie asked while she knocked on the door.
“I kinda happened upon her yesterday. She’s giving me the “cold” treatment.” Adam specified.
“Oooh… I knew she was stubborn but she’s never been cold.” The pink mare’s ears lopped down.
‘I kinda feel bad for giving Rainbow that snide comment on my way out of the gym. Maybe I’ll apologize; but some other day. If I do it now, she’ll just rip on me for being a wimp. No! Better wait for us to come to good terms. Maybe I can…’ The human snapped out of his reverie as the door to the boutique opened.
“Aaah, good morning darlings! Come in!” Rarity smiled as she ushered them inside.
“I see you brought your jeans and shorts.” She noted, guiding Adam to one of the standing platforms.
“Totally!” Adam confirmed dropping off a sack right before going up on the platform.
“Mmmhm! Very good! Now let’s get started! First I’m going to need you to be a dear and lose your current clothes; underwear excluded of course.” Rarity stated.
“Heheh, Woah! That was fast! I didn’t know you were so bold miss Rarity.” The human snickered followed by his pink companion.
“Pardon?” The seamstress paused.
“Heeheehee! Hey Rarity, maybe you should let me leave the room first. After all, you both need some privacy if you’re gonna “do it”.” Pinkie joined in, stifling her cackles as best as she could.
“Whaat?... Oh!” The unicorn mare inquired before the joke finally dawned upon her,
“Hey chill Rarity! We’re just teasing you! Pinkie’s told me you’re a professional.” Adam raised his arms in defense.
“Ah! That’s very nice of you Pinkie!” Rarity brightened up, getting her measuring tape.
“No probs Rares! If you excuse me, I’ll just go behind the dressing room screen.” Pinkie did as she said, Adam mouthing a thank you for her consideration of his privacy.
Removing his t-shirt and bottom, the human stood as straight as a nail, spreading his arms as fitting procedures dictated.
“Oh my! I hadn’t noticed how tall a human you are darling. I’m going to need my extra-large stepping stool for this.” Rarity exclaimed, going through the motions.
The first five minutes of the measuring went uneventfully, the only sounds being the rubbing of measuring tape against skin and Pinkie’s incessant humming of random tunes.
“So Pinkie said you’re a renowned fashion designer. You travel much?” Adam broke the ice.
“Sometimes, when I have to form a new business partnership or need to check up on some of my fashion lines. I mainly go to Canterlot, but I hear there a fashion week coming up in Manehattan in a couple of months and I can’t wait for that time to arrive.”
“What about the models? Know any? What are they like?” Adam continued his query.
“Well only one personally. Fleur-de-lis. She’s the wife of Fancy Pants, a business partner of mine from Canterlot. She does have a rather stunning and slim physique and values good taste.”
“Ooo, ooo! Tell Adam about your stalliiiiion crusheeees!” Pinkie piped up, as energetic as ever.
“Now, now Pinkie. That would be most inappropriate.” Rarity shook her finger in disapproval while working her horn.
“Now that Pinkie brought it up, I totally want to hear about it now.” Adam grinned, his excitement growing.
“No, no, no! Such topics would be… uncouth to share with another stallion.” The seamstress declined.
“Oh come oooooooooooon!” The two friends whined.
“No!”
“Don’t go all lady Buzzkillington on us Rares!” The human jumped from the platform as the unicorn put away the tape.
“L-lady Buzzkillington?” Rarity stuttered, shocked at the accusation of being called a buzz kill.
“We want the cool Rarity!” Pinkie joined in.
“Yeah! We wanna hear about what kind of a taste in stallions does a refined mare such as you have.” Adam tickled the unicorn’s ego, putting on his cool face.
“Well… Alright.” The fashionista reconsidered, taking a seat on her sofa, the human and earth pony sitting on each of her sides.
“I’’ve only had two crushes: one current and one former. The former one was Prince Blueblood, princess Celestia’s adopted nephew…”
“Oh, oh! You met him at the Grand Galloping Gala, the one where we all went!” Pinkie intervened.
“Pinkie, please do not interrupt!” The seamstress reprimanded her friend before continuing,
And so Rarity reminisced about the night of the Grand Galloping Gala and noted how Blueblood failed to meet her expectations of what a prince should be and instead horribly mistreated her, only thinking of himself. She especially spat on his snobbery and sense of superiority towards her friend Applejack, calling her food “common carnival fare”. He even had the gall to use her as a shield when a cake was flung at them. He was a pompous foal as she put it.
“Ooo, ooo! Now tell us about a more current crush!” Pinkie chimed just as Rarity finished up the story.
“Come now Pinkie. I mean, a mare’s crush is something to be considered private.” The seamstress objected, flushing a bit.
“You already told us about Blue Balls so me thinks you can tell us about the other one.” Adam grinned mischeviously as he and Pinkie pressed their faces against the sides of the unicorn’s.
“Mmmheeheeheehee, snort! Blue Balls! That’s good… Ahem!” Rarity giggled with a cute snort at the notion before recomposing herself.
“I see.” Adam cocked a brow, putting his hand over his mouth in reflection,‘Seems she has a high class, high social standing, rich and famous theme going on in her crush history.’ He said in his mind.
The human wasn’t really into this type of ladies. Maybe because they brushed off all of the middle and low class dudes and always went for these high and mighty guys. Not his style. But Rarity’s lively diva attitude was a very pleasant trait to have in a friend.
“So um, Rarity. We like know each other for like three days if you include this one and I was wondering if you’d like to be my friend and all. After all, nothing is official yet.” Adam spoke, striving to brush off the awkwardness in his tone.
“Oh of course darling! You needn’t be so formal. I’m willing to give anypony a chance for friendship. After all, I am generous like that.” The fashionista smiled sweetly, fixing her mane as she got up and picked up one of her dresses on the mannequins.
That wasn’t far from the truth as an angry white Persian cat came out of the neck hole of the dress, growling threateningly at its owner. It had in its teeth a golden brooch with a baby blue sapphire engraved in it.
“Oh no, Opal! Mommy needs that to complete her masterpiece! Please be a dear and give it here.” Rarity levitated her cat up to her with the intention of extracting the object gently.
“Opal’s running away! LET’S GET ‘EEEEEEEEEEER!” Pinkie let out a battle cry as she and Adam dashed off in pursuit of the runaway cat.
And so they ran after the nasty kitty, climbing on high shelves, trying to corner it, getting their faces scratched like hell, trying to tackle it and laughing all the way. And as Rarity watched Adam and Pinkie chase down her pet cat she couldn’t help but smile.
‘They’re already acting as if they’re childhood friends. Such a sweet sight! Adam acts very nice and appropriately towards anypony in particular he is speaking to. He might just be a good stallion after all.’ The seamstress thought as she beheld the sight.
***
Laughing their asses off after the brooch chase-avanganza was over with, Pinkie and Adam were on the streets again; walking merrily.
“Hahahahaah! Good thing Rarity knew a skin mending spell or else we would’ve given Fluttershy a heart attack with our faces!” Pinkie cackled uncontrollably.
“Hahahaha! Or maybe she would’ve preferred to play tick-tac-toe what with the webbed scratch pattern we received!” Adam joked, making the two guffaw even louder.
“Naaaaah, she’d rather faint. But hey, I just remembered!” The pink mare snapped back into reality as she dug into her mane.
From there she pulled out a pair of brand new bikes and helmets via her trademark Pinkie magic.
“Wooooah Pinks, they’re amazing!” The human ogled the vehicles with wide eyes.
“In fact…” he said as he fished for something in his pocket,
“What is it? Are you gonna play a cool human song?” Pinkie peaked over the hacker’s shoulder.
“Mhm! Gonna play it while we ride off to Fluttershy’s!”
“Oh, can you share it with me pleeeeeease! I wanna listen to it too!”
“Well okay! Just so you know, it’s in another language. Oh and can P-pods and I-pods exchange music?”
“Let’s find out!”
Luckily enough, everything was compatible and soon the party mare had the song Adam was referring to on her own listening device.
“Hmmm! Driver’s high… Interestiiiiiing!” Pinkie said as she looked at the title.
“It’s a great song. Perfect for bike riding. I hope you can keep up coz I’ll be busting out my sweet moves.” Adam winked as he put on his helmet and revved up his ride.
“Sweet! Shall we go?”
“Oh, one moment! You got a pair of shades? This song we’re about to ride off on demands that I put on a pair.”
“Sure! Here ya goooo!” The earth pony lady picked her mane again, handing the dude a pair of nice ones.
“Groovy!” the human grinned in a cool way as he slid them on.
Putting one foot on the pedal, the twosome prepared themselves and pressed play on their players before speeding off into the distance.
/Right click open in new tab to listen to the song in the LINK ./
After the initial sounds of engines rumbling in their earphones, the initial guitar riffs sent electricity down both the human’s and anthro pony’s spines, their feet pressing down on the pedals. Simply said, the music was invigorating and highly refreshing. And it had a great beat! The sound of a Japanese man came in singing with his calm and cool voice, motivating them to push further with a steady rhythm.
Taking hard turns, they kept speeding up and speeding up, the leader changing quite often. Just then a cart appeared in their way, provoking them to exact some quick action. Pinkie made an impossible spinning jump while Adam skid sideways under the wheels, making the pony at the cart gape with his maw wide open.
Continuing on, they kept zigzagging around several ponies, making the onlookers turn their heads in awe at their skill.
As they rode Pinkie’s heart felt the thrill of a lifetime. The song that was playing in her earphones; it was full of so much positive energy! Looking to her left she spotted a very big smile on Adam’s face. A smile she hadn’t seen before. A new kind of smile! It was bright and expressed sheer happiness. But it wasn’t just that. The human’s eyes also seemed to be glowing with a very particular flame burning inside them.
‘The flame of Adventure!’ The pink pony girl thought as her bike’s tires screeched at another rapid and sharp turn.
Zipping by, the two didn’t even notice the CMC which they passed by, the children eyes filled with confusion and awe. Following them with their eyes, the fillies gasped at the display of greatness as the duo did some crazy turns.
Completely enveloped by the song’s spell, Adam did a wheelie, getting his ride on a solitary wheel and lifting the front as high as he could. Slamming it back down, he did another, the sound in his earphones commanding him to do so.
As they neared Fluttershy’s cottage Pinkie and her human compatriot reached a series of grassy hills which they used to do some incredible jumps and midair tricks. Everything went in slow motion as their adrenaline reached its peak. Barspins, 360s, tail spins, supermans, frontflips and no footed can cans. It was like these BMXs were enchanted and gave their riders incredible mad skills that they would never be able to do on their own. The magic of the moment flowed as brightly as the sun itself.
Passing through a narrow road, Adam and Pinkie were chased by a small doggie. It barked after them happily as it ran, enjoying the experience with these fun bipedal individuals.
Finally, hitting the breaks, the twosome skidded to a halt in front of the shy Pegasus’s abode, taking off their helmets and whipping their hair in place.
Author's Note
The whole Rarity mentioning “fashion week at Manehattan” is a reference to the episode of season 4 “Rarity takes on Manehattan” bit. Since Error H takes place after episode 2 of season 4, I thought I’d reference the Manehattan episode. I’d probably make up some reason for Adam to stay in Ponyville on his own if I ever need to reference the episode again.
Also, I had Rarity share her crushes with Adam and Pinkie because… *motions for you the reader to come closer*… this is going to affect the final part of this four parter. This is crucial in order for Adam to get a clear impression of what kind of stallions Rarity likes. Why is this relevant to the plot? Wait for the next chapters to find out! Trololol!
I hope you enjoyed the last scene! I had the most fun writing it! I just remembered the song out of the anime I used to watch Great Teacher Onizuka! In fact I’m watching it now to remember how the episodes went. It’s grimace-tastic! XD
Last but not least, I was planning to write the next chapter with Fluttershy in advance in order to make up for the Dreafull lack of updates. However I got sick with the summer flu. Trust me kids it turns into sheer torture once you enter your twenties. So in order to stop the long wait, I decided to post this chapter immediately since it has been lying around completed for some time now. Hope you enjoyed it. ;)
Next chapter: Pinkie and Adam find that Fluttershy is not quite herself this morning.
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Error H: Love is complicated!
Chapter 1: A new journey and arrival (update 2 in author's notes)
Error H: Love is complicated!
Chapter 1
A new journey and arrival
Journal entry 1 (and only)
Hey! My name is Adam Turner, just your run of the mill legal/illegal hacker. I’m 25, Caucasian, with short blonde hair with pointy bangs, violet eyes and a tall and thin figure. Ever since I’ve taken an interest in girls I’ve mostly blamed my bad luck with women on my small frame. No matter how much protein I ate or worked out, I could never get past 132 pounds. I’m toned and all but I never seem to be able to acquire enough bulk. Heh… listen to me! A sorry ass introverted creep, who doesn’t like night clubs, loud music, drinking or smoking, pinning his misfortunes with women on his physique; not to mention that all the women I’ve dated always grew bored of my good and devoted dog attitude when I fell in love with them. It was always “Sorry! You’re just too good for me. You deserve better! I myself just need some excitement every once in a while. Call me a sucker for bad boys if you will.” I got so depressed after each break up that I was always quite mopey and isolated from everybody throughout these periods, and eventually… I lost all of my friends over it. I was just too unresponsive to them and we just… drifted apart. Sometimes I wonder what I keep living about.
But let me tell you about where I’m writing from and about my job.
I’m currently in Chicago, a secluded city inside of a mountain on the world of Mythos. If you’re asking, yes! There are mythological beings out there such as unicorns, pegasi, dragons and minotaurs. As to why we are living in hiding, away from the rest of the world… Well… it all started a little over a thousand years ago, when the land of my kind which back then was called Terra and the land of ponies Equestria lived in peace and friendly relations. All was going well until some great conflict arose between our two kinds. Being quite pissed at us for some reason that was lost in between the lines, the current Princess of the pony land started methodically exterminating the human race; the fact that we were still in the dark ages with only swords and catapults to protect ourselves against their magic and air force was also crucial to the Equestrian’s superiority. So we started evacuating every able person and went into hiding. Afraid of the equine Princess’s wrath we scattered around the globe and started building colonies in mountain chains and large cavernous systems, and continued our lives, isolated from the rest of the world for a whole millennium. At present we’ve come a long way, obtaining great technology beyond imagination as opposed to the outside world which still relies on magic. The mere thousands that had survived those dark days are now ten million. As to how I found about our war with the pony people, well… let’s just say I hacked in a restricted area in the Government’s website, where this erased piece of history was stored and protected well. Well not well enough if you catch my drift. ;) And if you ask me the scans of the ancient tablets were sketchy on the details.
My work is based on the previously mentioned scientific advances since I hack through the sites of our internet network via my Holographic Personal Computer, or HPC for short. Sometimes I just hack for the fun of it, sometimes I hack corporate sites to earn some money by stealing top secret info from the competitors of some large corporation that has hired me. A guy’s gotta eat you know. But anyways, now I’m just sitting and writing on a plain notebook about myself and my experiences. That’s right! I’ve learned how to write the old fashioned way before typing overtook it. So I guess right now you’re reading what I wrote in here my dear reader, though I doubt anybody will find this as I will hide these pages very well.
By the way did I mention that throughout last week I hacked my government’s website again and deleted all of my personal files? I also sold my apartment anonymously online so that the next owners don’t know who I am. And I deleted all of the notable records pertaining my life such as school and job records, any place that might have my signature, home ownership, the works. Isn’t the Internet grand? Everything about a person is stored in there; you just gotta know how to look. By doing this, I’ve basically erased my entire existence in human society! Now, I’m just a nobody. And since my ex friends and negligent parents have probably forgotten all about me by now, I doubt they’ll miss me.
I’ve thought a lot about this and since I have nothing left to hold me here, I’ve chosen to make a new life for myself. Go on some travels, adventure and have a life of thrills until I settle down somewhere I like. It’s been a thousand years so I doubt anybody even remembers us humans even existed so I think I’ll be okay. Hopefully the ponies would have probably changed over the centuries if I were to encounter them on my journey. Heck! I might actually settle in Equestria if fate doesn’t throw me a shitty piece of luck.
I hope all those survival courses I took with some colleagues some time ago will come in handy, not to mention that Discovery series “Ultimate survival” aka “Man vs Wild”.
Faithfully yours,
So ended the writing process the man known as Adam was working on, and once that was done, he went over to his bathroom, took a shower, brushed his teeth and combed his hair, picked up both of his one sling backpacks and shouldered them. One was full of food capsules, tiny little things that stored an entire cooked meal within its tiny spaces and the other had the basic necessities, such as a blanket, a pillow, some extra clothing, soap, shampoo, toothpaste and a toothbrush, a comb, a knife, an I-pod, an axe, rope and string, a lighter, a first aid kit, a blaster and a sword for protection. The last item was actually a Chinese Jian and Adam only knew how to use it well enough as to not hurt himself. And with that he walked away, locked his dark and empty apartment and set out… TO ADVENTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!
(Boy, how cheesy :P)
(Begin sountrack in link)
Out of his mountainous home and into the great unknown he went, going through rocky lands, green fields and wild untamed forests; through hot and cold weather. That’s not to say that his journey was safe. He lost his food capsules to a river stream and had to dig for every little thing to keep him well fed. There were some vicious exotic looking predators out to get him too and he had to often run for his life or cut them and blast them with his weaponry, one of them being a 66 foot dragon which he barely escaped from with his life. The human also nearly got tricked into a hive of some foul looking jet black bug like creatures that had fangs and holes in their feet… err hooves… whatever!
Climbing over steep hills, crossing through swamps, sleeping on trees, lighting a fire as seldom as possible. God! Everything was getting in his way!
By the time he finally encountered a little village, he was down to his last good set of clothing, the other ones tattered by the trials he went through the last few months. He had lost everything but his I-pod and personal hygiene items. And THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT! He didn’t want to admit it but he still cared enough for his looks and was hoping to be at least presentable looking for when he finally met these different looking people.
He reached the village before daybreak as he entered the outskirts of what seemed to be an apple orchard. Since his last meal was the day before yesterday, he decided that taking a couple of apples wouldn’t hurt the owner’s business and so he did.
‘It kinda makes me feel guilty that I had to sneak past several borders to get here but then again, they would’ve asked me several questions and perhaps hold me into custody. So, better to get over all that red tape when I get to town and the time calls for it.’
‘I hope the Equestrians are actually as friendly as that “Equestrian Equidae Sapiens and their society” book said they were. Even though it’s been a millennium since the Great Conflict, something tells me that having been erased from their history is gonna be beneficial to me.’ Adam thought as he pressed on towards the actual village.
/ 6:23 a.m., near the back entrance of Sugar Cube Corner/
Pinkie Pie exited her workplace through the back door with an excited smile on her face. The reason for that excitement was simple: it had been exactly one year and one day since her friend Twilight had first arrived to Ponyville. And even though her friend was now a Princess, nothing had changed. Twilight still remained the ever faithful resident of Golden Oaks library, and went out of town only when duty called.
‘Won’t she be surprised when I set up her party at her own home, before she even wakes up? And all I have to do is be very quiet about it!’ The pink mare giggled at the brilliant plan forming in her head as she kept quickening her pace by the minute.
She then broke out into a quick sprint, her large pink breasts bouncing wildly at the rapid motions.
For her outfit of the day, the Earth pony lady had settled on her dichromatic striped over the knee stockings (the colors being buttery yellow and cyan) and navy blue short shorts, which exposed her hips and partially her three balloon cutie mark. As for her top half of her body, she had chosen a buttery yellow t-shirt with a blue trim putting some cleavage, waist and abdomen on display.
As she made her way towards town square, the party girl stopped briefly at a tree, dipping her arms inside of its trunk. From there, she pulled out the party decorations as if by magic and geared up. The cake, food and refreshments would come later in the morning when all of her friends would arrive to celebrate.
Preparing herself, the funny pony dashed through the streets once more, feeling absolutely giddy about today. Her morning jog was unhindered by nopony. One more perk to rising early.
Taking a brief look at the rosy morning sky, Pinkie failed to notice the figure she happened upon while turning around the corner. Until it was too late that is…
“Yaaaaah… Ooooooof!” She screamed colliding with this mysterious somepony, toppling him over and falling onto him, all of her party paraphernalia scattering all over the ground.
***
Adam didn’t know what hit him. Litterally! One moment he’s walking down the street of a small primitive looking rural town, which entrance sign identified said town as Ponyvile, next thing he knows a pink blur appears out of nowhere and slams into him hard making his back kiss the pavement.
All of a sudden several of his senses were assaulted by all sorts of phenomena. For starters, he could feel a very soft, warm and heavy body press itself against his, as two very immense and cushiony pillows lay against his chest. What’s more his nose could smell the odd aroma of cotton candy and cake frosting. And if that wasn’t weird enough, the guy’s vision was obscured by a forest of curly pink hair.
“Oh, *giggle* umm, excuse me!” Pinkie chortled at the ridiculous situation, getting up and out of the stranger’s face.
As the mare looked it over, she noticed it was very similar to a stallion, especially in the overall body shape and mane. However the similarities ended here as it also had plenty of differences: the lack of fur and tail, the oddly shaped hooves at the end of its legs, the small beady violet eyes, the weird flat face with a line for a mouth, some sort of a vegetable shaped nose and weird shell like ears. The unknown being wore a simple dark blue tracksuit with white trimming along with a pair of what looked like black sneakers with red stripes on their sides.
As that was happening, Adam managed to get ahold of his bearings. His head was spinning a little due to having been banged against the ground. As soon as everything was clear again, he looked up and was absolutely stunned in awe.
Looking down at him was the most bizarre yet very beautiful semblance of a woman. When the dude got up he noticed she was an entire head shorter than him, with a body covered by pink fur from head to toe. Her magenta colored hair was voluminous and poufy and so was her tail sticking out from what he assumed was the place above her hind quarters. Her face was equine like, with a cute short snout, two big round light cerulean eyes and two pointy ears that stuck out from her hair. And her body… saying that it was voluptuous was an understatement. She wasn’t fat by any means, no! Her figure was more like a very big hourglass. She had little to no fat on her torso and arms. Her waist wasn’t wasp thin but it was nicely curved, noticeable and enticing with some fine abdominals. Her hips were very thick, and maybe did have a bit of excess weight on them, however it was the erotic kind, evenly spread, giving them some bounce. And the pair of jugs stuck to her ribcage? They were as oval and enormous as two greatly inflated water balloons with a little sag which gave them a beautiful and natural look.
Adam had to admit, he was right damn impressed by her sex appeal. Heck if she was taller than him with the same body proportions, she’d look like a gifted amazon!
However such admiration would not last because before the human knew it, his little buddy had decided to pitch a tent in his pants. And the worst part was that it was showing along with the red tint that formed on his face.
“Looks like someone likes what he sees!” Pinkie smirked mischievously, very much amused by the male’s flustered state. Yes! Now she knew it was a he!
“You… Wow… I mean… Wow! You look so… human!” Adam eventually managed to get the words out as he tried to make heads or tails of his confused feelings.
“What’s a hue-man? Is it some sort of balloon, or, or, or maybe a variety of cotton candy from where you come from… wait, wait don’t tell me, I’m very good at guessing games! I got it! It’s the name of a fictional character that wears the same outfit as me, isn’t it? Or, or, or…” Pinkie started her trademark rambling.
As the hacker listened to her incessant babbling, he couldn’t help but enjoy at how silly and bubbly she sounded as she spoke with that high pitched cartoony voice. Little by little, his giggling grew to a suppressed but very strong laughter, as tears streamed down his face.
“What’s so funny?” The pony threw the dude a quizzical look.
“Y-y-y…heheheheheheheeheh… You are! Heheheheheehe… I’ve just never heard a person go on a talking spree this hilarious! You’re just so much fun to listen is all.” The human managed to regain his cool, taking some deep breaths.
“Awwwww, thank you! That’s the nicest thing anypony has ever said to me, even if you’re not a pony.” The looney trickster smiled sweetly, feeling very warm and fuzzy from the compliment.
“To answer your question, human is the name for my species. I’m a human individual. I just compared you to a human female, since you look very much like one… minus the tail… and the hoof tipped feet, and the fur coat, and the ears, and the equine face. By the way, I’m Adam Turner, sex: male, 25 years old.” The man offered his hand which was taken by the mare’s who shook it energetically.
“Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie, female Earth pony or a mare if you’d prefer that, and I’m 22 years old.” Pinkie recited, reciprocating Adam’s intro, giving him a toothy smile before continuing,
“Well, I am looking for a fresh new start at some town.” Adam specified which earned a very loud gasp from his new companion.
“GAAAAAAAAAAAASP! You’re somehuman new searching for a new place to live? Well look no further! Ponyville is the nicest, most hospitable place ever! You’ll feel right at home, and why wouldn’t you? Now you have a new best friend! Me! And Pinkie rule number one: a new friend and somepony new deserves one thing…” the hyperactive equine lady paused for a moment before bellowing:
“PINKIE!” Several unhappy voices called from all sides.
“Ooopsie!” Pinkie blushed, grinning guiltily to herself.
“So uuuuuh… Want me to help you with those?” Adam pointed at the scattered party stuff, much of it having have spilled out of the papers bags.
“Oh, yeah! I totally got distracted! I must hurry! My friend Twilight has a one year anniversary since first coming into town and I must set these up at her house before she wakes up!” The frantic mare cradled her head within her hands and then quickly dropped down on her knees and began picking her things up.
Reciprocating her action, the human started putting the supplies away as well. However, as he turned around to pick up a confetti popper his gaze was suddenly drawn in by an irresistibly captivating sight! Pinkie was facing away from him, standing on all fours, with her hot buns sticking out, the view completely unobstructed by her tail which was arched back. And what a glorious booty it was! The short shorts hugged the curves of her cheeks and looked very snug in their tightness. This magnificent ass was of the bubble butt type, like two perfect orbs which seemed so irresistibly wobbly that if their owner smacked her own posterior, it would jiggle until tomorrow.
Just then, Adam snapped out of his admiring state and decided to strike up a conversation.
“Soooo, those things on your rump… Are they what you call a Cutie mark?” he pointed at the side of her buttocks, the outlines of some semblance of a tattoo barely showing from the edge of her shorts.
“Yeah! It represents my talent for throwing great parties.” Pinkie clarified, lifting up one of the lower edges of her dark blue bottom and presenting an image of three balloons before asking a question herself “Do you have ponies where you come from?”
“No! But we do have a small book that has a section about your kind. It’s kinda low on the info but it’s something I guess.”
“Well books will be books and my friend Twilight is crazy about those!”
“Cool. By the way, why do you need to set up these decorations at your friend’s house while she’s sleeping?”
“Oh! I want to make it the bestest best surprise ever! She won’t see it coming! The moment she opens her eyes, Shazam! Instant party! It’s my best idea yet!” The Earth pony lady spoke excitedly while she finished up with her gathering.
“Heh! I guess you know what you’re doing.” The hacker gave her a smile as he took most of the bags to lighten the load off the mare’s shoulders.
“Oh I got it! Since you were so great as to help me picking up my stuff, how about you come with me and we put them up at Twilight’s place together! That way when my closest, bestest friends arrive I can introduce you to them all at once and we can have a “Happy anniversary Twilight!”, “Welcome to Ponyville Adam”, “I am friends with Pinkie Pie!” triple party!” The ever exuberant pink trickster slung her arm around the dude’s shoulder, waving into space, visualizing her plans.
“Awesome! I’m in! Just one question…”
“What is it?”
“The music won’t be too loud right? I like to be able hear the people I speak with when I mingle.”
“Not a problem!” Pinkie beamed before adding “Come on! We gotta hurry!”
And with that the funny mare broke into a quick jog, the human trailing closely behind.
In just seven minutes, the twosome arrived at a huge tree. It had very thick foliage and by the wooden door, windows and small balcony you could tell it was hollowed out and quite adequate for living, which was even more extraordinary because of the fact that the tree itself was still alive.
When Adam entered the place alongside Pinkie, he found himself in a library’s main room. The wall was oval-shaped, with bookshelves carved into it, every available space within them filled with books. It also had a ladder for upper shelf reach, a couple of book stands, and a circular table with a horse head bust sitting on top. It looked very cozy.
“Heeheeheehee! Come on! Let’s get started!” The party pony giggled quietly, whispering the words.
The man grabbed a ladder and the bag of streamers and proceeded with hanging them. While he did that, Pinkie began blowing up balloons and tying them up in bunches, connecting them to one main string before hanging them up alongside the streamers.
This gave the time for Adam to mule over his latest experiences with the first pony he had ever met.
‘This pony mare Pinkie Pie is a pretty awesome party girl! She’s very funny, cute and positive too. However, because of her curvaceous body I’m starting to question myself. Am I normal? I get so horny every time I so much as glance at her! She’s a pony! A completely different species! Being attracted to her is like being attracted to a house cat! It’s sick! I’m a sicko!’ the human berated himself as he continued on his reflections.‘But what if it’s not the same as zoophilia? She thinks like a woman, acts like a woman, and even looks a lot like a woman. Still, my hormones reacting to her… Is it natural or just mentally ill? Well, either way if this continues I might as well call it my new fetish coz if I said I didn’t like it, I’d be lying to myself.’
“Whatcha thinking about?” Pinkie’s upside down head suddenly popped into Adam’s eyesight.
“Woah!” the human flinched backing away, only now realizing that somehow his new friend was now hanging by her feet on a stretched out rope, dangling slowly as she did.
He had no idea how she could’ve come into his view so abruptly as if she simply materialized out of thin air, but instead he dismissed the thought with the excuse of it being some Earth pony magic trick.
“I was wondering what your friends might look like.” He lied, ashamed of bringing his new sexual issues.
“Oh you’re going to love them! They’re all such great ponies! But I’ll let you guess what they might be like until you meet them and make this your personal surprise. Although I wonder if it really will be a surprise without me yelling so. Oh well, I guess I’ll improvise when the time comes. Anyways the first floor is done. We’ll be going to the second. However we have to be even quieter since it’s also the floor where Twilight and her assistant Spike are sleeping right now.” The party planner rambled on as she put up a sign that said “Welcome to Twilight’s anniversary since coming to town/Welcome to Ponyville Adam/I am friends with Pinkie Pie party!” before dropping back down on the floor.
Amused at the ridiculously long banner, Adam wordlessly followed Pinkie to the second floor where they used the rest of the party stuff to spruce up the place.
Digging into the last bag, the pink mare took out a plastic container with a stack of pancakes, a knife and a fork within. Opening it she covered the breakfast with maple syrup, the bottle of which she had somehow managed to sneak into her voluptuous mane. How she did that without getting said mane sticky, Adam again could not comprehend, but he came to the conclusion that the fewer questions he asked the better.
Both the human and pony climbed up some stairs to an alcove that led to a bedroom area. One could easily guess it was a bedroom, what with the star-spangled bed sheet covering one of the beds, the messy mane and horn protruding from it and the snores coming from the small bundle in the smaller bed.
“Twilight! Twiliiiiiiiight! Wake up silly buns!” Pinkie grabbed onto what seemed to be Twilight’s shoulder under the cover and shook her gently, speaking with a teeny voice, sounding much like a meek Pegasus we know.
“Nnnnnnnnmmmmm! It’s too early Spike. We should follow the schedule. Yaaaaawn! Wake me up at eight!” The pony underneath rolled over to the other side, refusing to get up.
“Silly Twilight, it’s me Pinkie Pie and I came here to tell you I misplaced some of your books!” The party trickster fibbed, smiling impishly at the following reaction.
“Groooooooan! Which books did you touch? I thought I told you not to pull out books you can’t put back in their rightful place.” A somewhat miffed lavender Alicorn princess threw her cover on the floor, with a very annoyed look plastered on her face.
Let’s just say Twilight’s ascension to Alicornhood had some discomforting side effects on her body. For starters she felt very irritated in the mornings and HATED to be woken up unless by an alarm clock or by her own biological one. What’s more was that her new wings and longer horn weren’t the only thing that grew in. Her lower body had swelled up considerably, leaving her with a set of thick hips and a slightly plumper rump. And her breasts! CELESTIA WHAT A PAIN! They had grown to an immense size, her once modest D cup now upped to a much bigger one, rising up to an H or a double H! Her pair could now rival Pinkie Pie's who was the mare with the most impressive size among the group. The sheer volume of these things had caused them to sag to a significant degree but their girth helped her new assets retain some of their appeal. And OH LUNA THE BACK PAINS! These blobs of fat as their owner called them were so heavy she had to do plenty of back exercises to lessen the strain. On the plus side, Twilight now had another excuse to hang with Rainbow Dash alongside the flying lessons. And here she thought that Celestia, Luna and Cadence were all very well endowed by coincidence. Well, now Twilight knew that Alicorns are most definitely cursed with fertility!
Taking a moment to take a deep breath, the recently appointed princess of Equestria sighed, sitting up and spreading her gorgeous wings to their fullest extent, stretching and bending them, eliciting some pops from the joints.
“Seriously, Pinkie what’s up?” her gaze turned serious as she fixed it on her pink friend.
“Weeeeeell, I just came here to wish you a HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!” The looney mare jumped up in the air, confetti popping out of nowhere and covering up everything.
“Anna-what?” Twilight cocked her brow inquisitively, brushing off the glitter and picking up her brush with her magic without even looking at it and starting to comb her disheveled mane.
“Anniversary! It’s been one year and one day precisely since you first came to Ponyville and met me and the girls! Remember?” Pinkie clarified, pushing the box of pancakes into the studious pony’s hands.
“Oh, yeah! So many things happened since then that it seems like a really long time ago…”
As the two friends conversed, Adam observed the one called Twilight very carefully. She looked absolutely beautiful and ravishing with those good looks and heavenly wings. Her face was adorned with a pair of shimmering violet eyes, a couple of shades darker than his own, as well as a very adorkable sapphire blue manecut with straight bangs, two streaks of purple and rose running through it. A horn protruded from the mane, as was revealed through the alicorn’s brushing process, which stood almost 8 inches tall and proud. Add to that the natural charm she was exuding through her irritated demeanor and she seemed as if she was taken straight out of a fairy tale. Not to mention this mare was stacked!
‘Dude! Her nipples are poking out!’ The human blushed, looking at the purple night gown the equine royalty was wearing, her breasts obviously unrestrained by a bra.‘And boy does that slender waist drive me crazy!’
“AH! What is that thing?” The library dweller finally took notice of her second guest who was observing her from the sidelines. The mesmerized look on his face did little to alleviate her anxiety.
“Oh, silly me! I forgot to introduce you to my new friend Adam! He’s a human who just came to town this morning. I bumped into him earlier and I thought: Wouldn’t it be great to invite him to the party so we can have a couple of more reasons to celebrate. Then I thought “BRILLIANT!” and brought him here. And then we both put up all these awesome party decorations just for you so you’d be surprised when I woke you up! So… are you surprised? Are you, are you?” Pinkie babbled out the torrent of words, Twilight only being able to comprehend half of them.
“Yes! Very! But… why is he looking at me that way?”
“Oh sorry about that! You’re the second mare he’s ever seen in his life… I think he likes you. Also your nipples are showing.” The party whirlwind pointed at said direction.
“Hey relax! If it’s any consolation for you, I think you’re very pretty… for a winged/horned pony.” Adam raised his hands, palms up front in his defense, trying to make himself seem as unthreatening as possible.
“Th… Thank you, I guess.” Twilight blushed feeling flattered. This was the first sincere compliment she had ever received on her looks, since she didn’t count all these smarmy hypocritical nobles who were fawning all over her after her coronation.
“Yaaaaaawn! What’s with all the racket Twilight? The party doesn’t start until 9, right?” A still groggy and sleep deprived young dragonling sat up in his little bed, his eyes still puffy and gritty.
He seemed like a bizarre-looking 10 year old boy, with a reptilian appearance. Most of his scaly hide was light mulberry except for his chin, chest, belly, underbelly and the underside of his spade tipped tail that were very pale green as opposed to his moderate harlequin spikes which went from the top of his head to near the end of his tail. His eyes were moderate pistachio and had slitted pupils which looked somewhat creepy at first glance but cute once you looked closer. As to his clothes, the fire-breather wore plain pale purple pajamas with vertical thin black stripes running over them. Being quite disgruntled, the mythical lizard yawned, his long forked tongue twirling around with a hiss, and his front sharp canines being displayed in clear view.
Before anypony could say something in response to the little draconis, the human’s eyes widened with surprise and fear and he quickly hid himself behind Pinkie latching his hands onto her shoulders.
“Oh shit! A Dragon! Kill it! Kill eeeeeeet! Kill it with fire! Wait, what am I saying, they’re fire proof! Then kill it with Ice!” he hollered like there was no tomorrow, hanging for dear life onto his improvised pony shield, shaking it up in the process.
“Woah-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! I s-s-s-s-o-o-o-o-u-nd s-u-u-u-p-e-e-r coo-oo-oo-oo-ool!” The random mare’s voice grew distorted as she was shook by her foreign friend.
“Calm down… Adam was it? The dragon won’t hurt you. He’s my assistant Spike and I’ve had him since I was little. He is very polite and well behaved. Besides, he is a baby dragon by his species’ standards.” The alicorn librarian gave some assurance to the outlander, speaking as calmly as possible to get the intended soothing effect.
“Heeeey! I resent that remark! I’m sixteen! I’m a teenager.” Spike huffed blowing some smoke from his nostrils.
“Oh! Sorry! It’s just that I was recently scared to death by a huge blue dragon with a bushy green mane and eyes, terrifying claws and a long fire breath range.” Adam stepped away from Pinkie, hiding his arms behind his back awkwardly.
“Woah really?” The pink mare’s eyes glimmered with fascination.
“Yah really! My blaster was useless against him, and he kinda ate it after I dropped it while running for my life. Good thing I was in a forest at the time. Also it was good that he didn’t torch the place.” The hacker reminisced, shuddering at the thought of the building sized reptile.
“What’s a blaster?” Twilight inquired, cocking a brow as she hid behind her dressing room screen and started changing into her casual clothes.
“Oh? Well, it’s sort of a long ranged weapon with a handle and a short tube pointed forward that in simple terms fires a a high energy particle beam or a hot piercing bolt of light if you will.” The man explained, mimicking the hold of his weapon with his hand.
“Ooooo! Do you still have it?” Pinkie gripped his shoulder, her excitement growing still.
“Nope! Dragon ate it, remember?”
“How convenient!” The alicorn walked around the human, throwing a very suspicious glance at him.
“Wild beasts roaming around, I was travelling on foot through their territories, they eat meat, hello?” Adam threw his hands in the air, clearly displeased with the question.
“Did you now?” The princess kept circling the dude like a hawk, looking for a weakness.
“Just the clothes on my back and this I-pod!” Adam took out the little rectangular device with a pair of miniature headphones.
“Huh… Interesting… you have a human version of P-Pod.” Twilight examined the device, finding little difference in design.
“Uh-huh. Can I have it back now?” Adam tapped his foot against the floor impatiently. Something about this pony’s inquisitive nature rubbed him the wrong way.
“Sooo… can we hear more about your adventures?” Spike asked, thrilled to have such an exotic traveler for a visit.
“Hah! Adventures? More like Disadventures! I kept running away most of the time. Fight and flee as they say.” The human cackled at himself as he reminisced about his constant run-ins with lady Bad luck.
“I want to know more about where you come from and why I have never seen anything like you before. It’s obvious you have some sort of home settlement somewhere. And it puzzles me as to why I don’t know anything about it.” The alicorn princess kept giving Adam the suspicious eye.
“Will you stop looking at me like that?” The human spoke warily, backing away defensively.
“Guys, guys! Let’s just move downstairs and wait for the others to get here! If Adam is going to be telling a story, it’s better if everypony was here to hear it. Besides Twilight, you haven’t touched your breakfast yet.” Pinkie intervened, stepping between the two, lessening the building tension.
“That’s a pretty good idea. We better!” Spike joined in, picking up the container of pancakes, grabbing his adopted sister by the hand and leading her down the stairs.
The clock downstairs pointed 7:46 a.m. as the foursome sat down. Twilight started munching on her sugary breakfast and drinking a mug of coffee her assistant had handed her, feeling the grogginess of her sudden awakening coming back to her with a vengeance. Feeling quite weak, she was rewarded with some of her energy returning as she ate and drank.
“It seems the reasons as to why Adam got invited are quite apparent up there.” Spike declared, looking up at the banner.
“Well it is self-explanatory Spike. It’s only natural for Pinkie to do this once somepony new comes to town.” The alicorn princess broke her silent streak, still feeling kinda moody.
“So Twilight, since you like throwing schedules so much, how about we discuss the party plan.” The pink mare proposed and idea which was accepted readily much to the enthusiastic delight of her friend.
“Hey bro, sorry I wished you ill before. Hope you’ll forgive my outburst.” Adam apologized offering his hand.
“Don’t sweat it! You seem like a cool guy. I’m kinda flattered you actually thought of me as threatening. The mares around here keep babying me too much sometimes. So, we’re cool.” The teenage dragon showed his understanding side, taking the human’s handshake.
“So, care to tell me a little bit about yourself and your lavender affiliate over there?” the blonde hacker inquired.
And so passed over an hour spent by the two duos talking about their respective subjects (Spike somehow omitting that Twilight was actually a princess. Ooopsie! ;P). And wouldn’t you know it the guests soon arrived, all in a big group with a knock at the door.
“Hello, hellooooo! We’re here for the Anniversary mare!” Rarity came in, chiming in a singsong manner, dropping her handbag into Spike’s claws who accepted it graciously, a pair of hearts adorning his eyes.
“Hiya Sugarcube! I hope y’all ready for a knee-slapping party coz we are gonna dance until the late afternoon!” Applejack followed her, throwing her hat in the air, it being barely caught by the door dragon.
“H-hello Twilight. I really love what you and Pinkie have done to the place… Oh and happy holliday.” Fluttershy stepped in gingerly, struggling as the last mare behind her, Rainbow Dash, literally pushed her into the library.
“Ooooooh yeeeeeeeah! I’ve been looking forward to this all week! With all this recent heavy weather duty and minimum nap time, I think I deserve some well-deserved time off!” The cyan Pegasus proclaimed in a boisterous and loud tone, flying in with a loop.
Just then she noticed this out of place element in the room… a living breathing out of place element.
“Who’s the new guy?” Rainbow inquired, pointing towards Adam, clearly recognizing his stallionesque body features.
“This is Adam! He’s a human and new in town, aaaaaaaaaand my new best friend!” Pinkie bonked her athletic friend’s muzzle with her own, making her flinch.
“Uuuuum… Yay?” Fluttershy muttered as she hid behind Rarity.
“Well nice ta meetcha! Ah’m Applejack! Any friend of Pinkie’s is a friend of mine!” Applejack went over and shook Adam’s hand very vigorously, the flabbergasted human intently focusing on her eyes, and trying to hide the fact that his eyes kept wandering off to parts of the mare’s body he didn’t dare to look at that up close.
“Pleasure to meet you as well darling. I’m Rarity and I… I’m Rainbow Dash the fastest flier in Equestria! I hope I’m not shocking you with my awesome presence!” The fashionista began introducing herself to the man only to be pushed aside by her brash rainbow-maned friend who was impatient to express her boisterousness.
“Ummm… I’m Fluttershy, and I’m glad we finally have a stallion… er, human stallion in our friendship herd.” Fluttershy squeaked from behind a sofa. But the moment the hacker turned his head and looked her in the eyes, she ducked down, obscuring herself from sight completely, “Then again maybe you should just forget I said anything and pretend I’m not here.”
As introductions came to an end, all the mares corralled around their Anniversary pal and began chatting pleasantly amongst each other, expressing their excitement and sharing stories about the past week.
Adam on the other hand, took a seat on an armchair to gather his incoming thoughts and emotions.
Here he was, the first human to have entered pony society since 1000 years, making new friends, learning about the equine inhabitants of the land, and only one thing was on his mind:‘Dem mares… they’re coming out of the woodwork! And they all look like adult models!’
The blonde mare , the one with the gamboge coat, the Stetson on her head, the sap green eyes and the strong Southern accent was built like a long distance runner. Her red and white checkered tie-up shirt and spankin' daisy dukes completed her Country Gall look, not to mention those freckles. The mare's legs were thick and well muscled but not overly so, and her ass was a cute round apple bottom, poking out between her thighs. This earth pony looked quite toned overall, a proof that she did heavy physical labor and yet her svetle waist, small chest frame and double D breasts gave her an air of femininity! Everything about her was quite fine, and her working girl attitude probably made every stallion in town sight at her confidence.
Another mare that with a big pair was the shy Pegasus with the flowing rose colored mane. She seemed very shy about her chest, which was made obvious by her habit of covering it up with her arms from time to time which was no wonder what with said bust being a cupsize G. However her shy act did seem kind of confusing to Adam as he noticed her grassy green Halter V-neck Low-cut t-shirt which pressed her mellons together rather snugly and also exposed her rather wide ribcage which was accentuated by her slim waist. Add to that a pair of thighs big enough to support that upper body and you had a babe that possessed some pretty wonderful curves .
The one called Rarity had an elegant hourglass figure, very well-maintained in shape, every little curve on her body perfectly balanced out. Her class was heightened even further by her fancy swirly hair design and her azure eyes which were always carefully gauging your behavior, mannerisms, body language and appearance. This pony lady definitely had high standards. Maybe a little too high, but who’s to say.
Finally there was the wild tomboy of the group, Rainbow Dash. True to her name, she was rowdy, feisty and somewhat brash but her boyish demeanor was not enough to hide her ravishing body. Athletic and sturdy, her frame was the smallest of the six friends’ but it made her look agile and speedy. Her butt was tight, subtly protruding from her sprinter’s legs, her waist very thin and her boobs a perfect D going for a double D.
And it was after that evaluation of the mares that he had just met, when Adam suddenly began to feel weird. Sitting down on the nearest sofa, he tried to take a breather, his mind still trying to comprehend what he had just witnessed. It was like something inside him had snapped, changed completely and for good and it was through the following outburst that he managed to express it:
“Uuuuuhuhuhuh! Huhuhuhuhuh! This is cool! Huhuhuhuh! This place is rules! Yeah! Heeheeheheehee… Boyoyoyoyoyoyoing!” The human’s eyes suddenly got all squinty; a very weird toothy grin appeared on his face and his voice suddenly got two kinds of weird, as if he was shifting through various personalities.‘Yeah… about me being a sick bastard… Fuck that! I love pony women! They’re so much better than the ones at home! Better curved too!’ He thought as he kept cackling like a mad fool.
Author's Note
I’m sorry if a lot of the ideas are overdone and everything. But I just needed a setup is all. Plus, one can never get enough pony boobies and the fanfics that are written about them. :P
Just so you know the romance in this fic will NOT be rushed! It will take lots of chapters that feature a lot of friendshipping before any love interests develop. Then it will evolve in a game of “Are you hitting on me? No I am not!” until it finally reaches the boiling point where the conflict and the love story will finally be dealt with and resolved.
I didn’t dedicate any separate chapters to Adam’s journey coz I honestly didn’t feel like writing such tedious material. So I jumped straight to Ponyville after a good old Adventure montage! U mad?
Also the I-pod/P-pod thing… yeah, I’ve read fics that have those, so I borrowed the idea coz then I will have an excuse to include an awesome musical chapter later on. So there! :P
And about Spike omitting that Twilight’s a pony princess… well, this will play a major role in the next chapter. ;)
UPDATE2: Just decided to change Applejack's description in chapter 1 as well. I dunno, I've been recently feeling that making all these mares overly voluptuous is simply too much. So I basically changed Applejack to a smaller body frame, kinda like Rainbow's but with thicker thighs... and double D tits! Lol!
