I slowly woke up, feeling an uncomfortable kink in my neck and a cramp in my leg. Sleeping on a couch sized for maybe two ponies when I'm well over six feet tall and have the build of a football lineman does that. "Mah neck!" I yawned loudly.

A noise could be heard from the kitchen. "Oh good, you're awake," I heard Fluttershy call from in there. "Do you want any breakfast?" she asked me.

I stretched, getting more cracks and pops than should be considered healthy. "No, I'm going out! I'll be around town, so avoid anything that looks like it could kill, maim, or in any other way hurt you!" I yelled to her as I got up and walked to the door.

She trotted out of the kitchen and called to me. "Have you seen Angel bunny?" she asked as I opened the door.

I looked at her with a raised brow, thinking that I should really find a better Playermodel to express my emotions without speaking. "Who the hell is Angel bunny? Is that some weird pony hooker name?" I looked behind her. "Are you a pimp? If there's some kind of pony hooker organization and nobody's told me I'm going to be fucking pissed!'

She blushed and shook her head. "Uhm, no, Angel is my, well, bunny."

I shrugged. "Nope, haven't seen your rabbit. And I doubt I will considering rabbits are more food than pet to me." I scowled. "I fucking hate rabbits. Little, angry demons..."

With that I ignored the look she gave me and left her home to walk around town. It was a sunny, cloudless day. The birds were singing, the beetles were droning on, and I could faintly hear the sounds of civilization in the distance.

I unconsciously spawned in a PKM, complimented with a few thousand rounds and held it closely. I didn't trust this. I didn't like sunny, cloudless days. I liked pitch dark nights with storm clouds hanging above me. And for the birds and bugs, well, to me they were better suited to die in an orbital nuclear strike than sing. And the only kind of civilization I liked was dead, burnt, and filled with ghosts.

I thought about these thing until I entered town, drawing attention and causing whispers as I walked the rural streets. I shook my head. "If you don't stop staring I'll fuck your eyes with a hammer," I said out loud as I continued on my stroll. I snorted a laugh as all the ponies quickly looked away, either to the sky or the ground or something in a completely different direction.

I yawned again as I turned a corner. I spotted both my friends talking with Rarity, Pinkie and Butch. "Hey, assholes!" I yelled at them.

My friends waved, along with Pinkie for some reason.

"Hey, dickhead!" Viking yelled back.

I walked over to them and nodded at my friends. "Is everythin' guud ti gow?" I asked them in a ridiculous Southern accent.

Viking nodded. "Shore thang Goober. W' jus' needs ti git th' M80's n' play-ce."

I raised my fist in the air and roared my battle cry. "White power!"

My friends laughed at this.

"You aren't even white!" Serpent said between chuckles.

I shrugged. "That didn't stop Dave Chappelle, and it sure won't stop me from beating those damn, dirty commies..."

I looked at the ponies. "So, what were we talking about? Carrots? Oats?" I leaned in a waggled my eyebrows at them. "Stallions...?" I said suggestively.

Rainbow snorted a laugh. "Your name is... Goober?" she asked with some difficulty.

I pulled the hammer on my PKM back, loading a round into the chamber and letting off a loud clacking sound as the gun became ready to fire. "No, but I do have an alias named Goober 'Clem' Bermingham. He's from Mississippi and works at a catfish shack." I put my finger on the trigger and leaned a little closer to her. "Why, do you think my alias is funny? Does it make you laugh? Does it make you want to just... burst from laughter? Does it make you die from laughter? Does the laughter split your ribs in half and cause you unimaginable pain? Huh? Does it?"

She gulped and took a few steps back. "Uh, nope! Nothing funny about it! Not at all... heh, heh..."

I looked at Rarity. "What were you talking about?"

She did some overly complicated maneuver with her hoof involving flipping her mane and striking a pose. "Oh, we are simply discussing at which establishment to dine at."

I raised a brow. "Doesn't dine mean, like, dinner?" I asked her.

She scoffed. "Oh yes, like a ruffian such as yourself would know," she said sarcastically. She narrowed her eyes at me and jabbed her hoof at me. "Your friend has told me about some of the things you've done, and let me just tell you that you are a most unpleasant pony- er, person."

I blinked. Then I pointed the barrel of my PKM in the sky and loosed the hundred rounds in the case. After that I pushed the smoking barrel against Rarity's shoulder while she was cowering on the ground.

She screamed loudly as the metal seared her flesh, causing blisters to form and burst around the area I was pressing my gun to. She actually caused a few nearby windows to shatter with her voice.

I was pushed away from her by Rainbow Dash crashing into my chest.

She hovered just in front of me, giving me a look promising death.

I laughed. "You want to fight, you dike-y cunt?" I teased.

She became so red in the face I figured all of her blood had left her other limbs. "I'M NOT A LESBIAN!!!!!!!" she screamed as she charged me again, slamming in to my chest and causing a few unhealthy cracks to sound off.

I pulled her hair roughly, causing her to scream in pain. "Fuck you, bitch!" I yelled as I slammed my fist into her jaw.

She was sent sailing backwards from the momentum of my fist, but other than that seemed completely fine. "Is that all you got?" she growled.

I summoned up my Bulk Cannon. "Nope." I fired all seven shots at her, but somehow missed every one as she dodged away. I reloaded and fired again, but missed her as she flew circles around me.

"Catch me if you can!" she jeered.

I snarled as I went akimbo USAS and fired after her. One of the shots hit, causing her to spin out of control and hit a building. "HA! Take that, dike!"

Just then I felt a stab of pain go through me. Turning around I saw Twilight running up with Applejack and Fluttershy with her. Twilight was carrying a bunch of costume jewelry and firing small bolts of lightening at me. "Fuck you! Fuck you all!" I screamed.

I dug down deep and found the perfect weapon.

Smiling, I looked to my side and saw it. The DRONE from NeuroTech, because fuck WAC. I got in and turned the engine on as I fired my USASs at the approaching ponies. "I thought you were my friend Fluttershy! You're nothing but a fucking traitor!"

Fluttershy looked away, but kept flying at Twilight's side. "I'm sorry," I thought I heard her say.

With the engine fired up, I flew high above the small town. "Attention Ponyville!" I screamed through the loudspeaker. "You are all going to die! Please be cooperative and stand still while I murder you! It will make this much easier!"

The collective scream and stampede going through the town was enough to tell me that they didn't listen.

I sighed and locked on to Town Hall. "Bye bye!" I yelled as the rockets shot from their pods and turned the large building to ruble.

I laughed like a maniac. "Yes! YES! Everything will burn!"

The buildings fell quickly, no match for the HE rockets in my DRONE. In only a minute I had turned half the town to dust. Sure, I had probably killed a few people, but they were acceptable losses. My only hope was that my friends stayed out of this.

I brought my DRONE low to the ground as I found Applejack tending to Rainbow Dash behind a fallen home. For some reason they were wearing shiny necklaces. "Hey, buddy!" I called over the loudspeaker.

She looked at the machine of death with a mixture of horror and dread.

I cackled through the speaker. "Before I kill you, I want to tell you a secret."

She shook her head. "Ah don't wanna know!" she yelled over the motor.

I leaned close to the voice receptor. "I fucked your sister and her friends. I fucked Fluttershy too. And it was God damned amazing," I confessed.

She went wide-eyed as she stared at my front screen.

I cackled again and fired the rockets, turning everything in her general area to nothing.

Then something hit my DRONE and I spun out of control. I pulled on the stick to get higher, but my tail rotor must have gone out because I was spinning in circles as I came closer and closer to a building that looked a lot like a giant gingerbread house.

I hit the roof and took out a couple of the upstairs rooms. I shook my head to clear it as I climbed out of my DRONE, mostly unharmed. I looked around and saw two cribs in the corner of the room that wasn't destroyed.

I smiled and put more than a cars weight worth of C4 in the room as I listened to the two toddlers cry. I left the room, placing more C4 along the hallways and tossing a few satchels down the stairs.

When I got downstairs I was meet with horrified gasps from what looked like half the town. Pinkie was in the center with Fluttershy, trying their best to keep them all calm. They weren't doing a good job.

"Hello, my little ponies..." I said as I summoned up myself another PKM and loaded it.

Pinkie looked at me miserably. "Why...?" she asked.

I laughed as I waded through the crowd. "Because she was a bitch and Rainbow wanted a fight. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a planet to burn," I said as I walked out the door. I watched the door for escaping ponies as I got a good distance away from it. When I was sure that nothing would get out, I pulled up my detonator.

"Stop right there!" an unpleasantly familiar voice yelled.

I groaned as I turned to face the two princesses. "What now? Can't you see I'm trying to kill everything around me?" I complained.

They both hovered high above me, their horns crackling with enough power to send me to Hell and back, then back again because I forgot my Ray Bans.

"If you do not cease this immediately, we will be forced to end you!" Celestia called down to me.

I snorted. "So I shouldn't do this?" I asked, pressing the button on the detonator. Shortly after, the entire building stuffed with ponies turned into a fireball so big I could feel the heat from almost a hundred feet away. "Now it matches the rest of the burning town!" I cheered.

They both fired their energy beams at me.

I did the only thing I could think of whenever I was about to die. I pressed the B button, which I had bound God Mode to in Evolve.

I felt the beams hit me, but they did nothing but cause horrible pain. "You assholes, that hurt!" I yelled. I activated Noclip and flew up to their level. "You want to use big guns? I can use big guns!"

I summoned up the biggest guns I could think of. In each hand I held a Grand Slam from Gbombs. "You could have just sent me home! But no, you wanted to keep me here! You just had to keep me trapped here!"

They both charged their horns again. "I didn't want you here!" Celestia yelled over the magic from her horn and the burning of the town. "I wanted you gone, but the portal closed! I had no choice but to give you to Twilight!"

I scowled. "Well, Twilight's dead now." I threw both bombs at them, quickly flying deep into the ground to keep myself from burning in nuclear fire and radiation. I could feel the ground shake, could feel the heat through the earth. I knew that everything in a good few hundred miles was most likely glass or dust.

After a full ten minutes of waiting, I flew up from the ground and saw what I had done. As far as I could see, everything was scorched earth. The ground had been blackened and the sky was a blood red color. Clouds of smaug hung thickly in the air like a blanket over the dead land.

And high above it was a golden bubble of light that held two very weakened princesses. Celestia and Luna leaned on each other, nearly passing out from the strain of keeping a shield up through two nukes.

I floated over to them, a sneer on my face that they couldn't see. "So, I guess this is your fault then. You could have saved everybody else, but you chose to save yourselves. How noble..."

Celestia glared at me as she held on to Luna.

I laughed mirthlessly. "Here," I said as I stuck my hand through the shield. "Have some Nerve Gas."

Her horn flickered for only a second before the bubble was filled with red smoke and screaming.

The small flicker summoned up a big, black hole- giggity- in front of me, swirling with different pallets of colors deep inside of it. Some were pastel, some were opaque, some were metallic, some were neon, some were dull- all kinds of colors.

"The fuck...?" I said. Then I was grabbed by one of the colors and pulled into the hole.

As I was dragged by the color, I saw some... inter- okay no, it was downright fucking weird. I saw Pinkie cutting up a bunch of other ponies, Fluttershy as a furry with tits I could sleep on, Twilight gone insane, Scootaloo as a grown mare, a brown pony with a giant hourglass next to him passed out drunk, a pink, fluffy pony and a big bug pony hugging her... Weird shit. But what I ended up in was by far the weirdest.

I stood in the big, stupid room I was in when I first got in this world of insane ponies. Only it was... eh... different. It wasn't quite as... bright, as the other room was. Everything had kind of a pinkish tint to it. I was actually starting to get a feeling of mild fear just from standing in the silent hall.

"Ah, what do we have here? An intruder? Hehehehe, now who would be foolish enough to break in to my castle?" said a somewhat familiar voice behind me.

I turned around slowly, not entirely sure what to expect. What I saw was odd, really. Odd, but not unexpected. It was Celestia, only... different. Instead of her creamy white fur, it was a little pale, and had an almost unnoticeable pink tint to it, just like the rest of the world around me. Her mane and tail weren't the rainbow colors they normally were either. Instead they were light pink, with a little glittery sheen to them. And her eyes... Well, I don't want to use the word terrifying, so unnerving will have to do.

She approached me slowly with a small smile on her lips. Playful, mischievous almost. "A Human? My, I haven't seen one of you in a long time," she said. Her voice was a lot like Celestia's, only more... er... bedroom-y? Is that a word?

I spawned myself a PKM with a few thousand rounds and loaded it. "Now then, who the fuck are you?" I asked cautiously.

She raised her brow at me playfully. "You don't know? Why, I thought all of you knew who I was. After all, I made this blog for you Humans."

I looked around me cautiously. "Blog? What? Make sense you stupid magic horse, or I'll burn this planet just like I burned the last one!"

She widened her smile a fraction. "Ooh, a tough guy. I like a little fight in my stallions," she cooed.

I scowled. "Sorry, but I'm not particularly inclined to have anything to do with you. The last Celestia I was involved with tried to kill me," I said with a snort. "Fucking idiot..."

Her smile died down a little. "You met another Celestia?" she asked me curiously.

I scowled. "Yeah, and her sister, Luna. They were complete assholes. They tried to kill me when I was defending myself against an attack by that dike-y bitch Rainbow Dash."

She raised her brow again. "What happened?"

I sighed and waved the hand I wasn't holding my PKM with in the air. "I don't know! I set off a few nukes in Ponyville and killed them, then I was sucked through some tear in reality or some shit like that! Now?" I gestured to her with my LMG. "Now, I'm here with a new Celestia, new planet, new anger, new hate, and the same fucking problems. God my life sucks!" I yelled as I smacked my own forehead.

She looked at me curiously. "You can travel through planes just like mother..." she mumbled.

"What?" I asked in irritation.

She smiled and shook her head. "It's nothing, now-" but she was cut of as a box of text appeared out of thin air in front of her.

Molly!!!1 Whos that guy! He coud be dangerus dont trust him!!

I stared at the block of text. "The fuck is that thing?" I asked as I poked it with my gun.

Her eyes widened. "You can see them too?!" she asked in shock.

I put a bullet through the Anon symbol at the beginning of the text, getting a dying shriek from the block as it faded from existence. "Yeah, I can. What the fuck are they? It kinda looked like a question box from tumblr."

She smiled at me serenely.

I worked my jaw side-to-side as I thought about what I just said. I blinked. "No... No... No..."

She nodded ever so slightly. "Welcome to the Princess Molestia blog," she said, giving me a small bow.

I threw my fist into the air and shouted into the sky. "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Author's Note

So today I found out that the Princess Molestia blog was taken down and a Gamer Luna blog took its place. I don't know if this is old news or what, but I was kind of disappointed. I really liked that blog, and seeing it gone hurt a little.

R.I.P Molly! I'll always love you!
Forever and ever yours,

Fussan

Also I was curious to see what would happen if I liked my own story, so it's actually one like less than it says.