I walked through the castle as "Molestia" told me of everything that happened recently in her world. Who did who, what came where, who's the next Equestrian Idol. Things like that. And seeing as how there wasn't a highly destructive explosion in Ponyville, we came to the conclusion that her world wasn't directly tied to the one I was in.

I nodded slowly as I began to understand. How it worked was so simple, yet incredibly complicated in its mechanization. Something like this could be dangerous, well, more so than I would be alone. "So, all you do is zap them, and they go all r63?" I asked in awe.

She giggled and nodded. "Put bluntly, yes. I'm still not sure how the gun works; it's very complex."

I worked my jaw side-to-side as I thought about how it could possibly work. "Well, maybe it works with the chromosomes? Like, makes them reversed, or inverted or something like that?"

She hummed in thought. "I never thought of that..."

I continued. "How Humans are is that we got an X and a Y in males, and an X with two Ys in females. Theoretically, all you would have to do to turn a male into a female is add an extra Y to his DNA, and take a Y out to make a girl a guy. Maybe that's how it works...?"

She gave me an appraising look. "You just figured out something my best scientist couldn't in ten seconds," she told me.

I snorted. "Well, it's basic biology really. If your scientist didn't figure that out he's a fucking idiot. I studied smoking weed in the bathroom and fucking drunk girls at my dorm in college and I had no problem seeing the solution."

She tutted. "That's not very nice, you know," she scolded me.

I barked in laughter. "I'm not paid to be nice."

She smirked at me. "What if I did pay you to be nice?" she asked with a wink.

I shook my head. "I quit instantly. That job sucks too much ass," I said with my own wink.

We both laughed a bit at our disgustingly filthy minds as we turned another corner in the castle hallways.

"So," I started, "where are we going exactly?" I asked her.

She sighed. "We're going to see my sister."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Is that... bad?"

She smiled and shook her head. "No, not really. But it can get a little crazy now that she has her own blog. She really is popular..." she trailed off, leaving no small hint of jealousy in her voice.

I looked at her oddly. "But you said you had the most popular blog on the internet concerning ponies. Aren't you way more popular than her?"

She sighed. "I did have the most popular blog on the internet. But after a while my sister became more and more loved, and I... Well, they lost interest in me in time, and I was swept aside while she rose to fame and fortune."

I scowled. "They sound like idiots to me. I've been talking with you most of the day and the only bad things I've thought about you are the dirty suggestions you keep throwing my way. Oh, stop that by the way," I said, annoyed.

She chuckled and opened a large, regal door to a large... dark... messy... somewhat smelly... very unorganized room. "Luna?!" she called. "We have a guest!"

"I'm answering mail!" a voice yelled from a second level of the room. I hadn't even seen the stairs because of empty bottles and old food wrappers lining them, along with a few sagging cardboard boxes beneath the steps.

Molestia chuckled again and led me up the stairs- which were layered with old garbage that has long since become one with the carpet. Once we got up the stairs, I was amazed by how clean it was. There was hardly any garbage at all, besides from the literal mountain of opened letters.

I took in a deep breath and nodded. "It's just like back home... Only a lot cleaner," I said with nostalgia.

Luna turned to us with a small frown. "Sister! I said I-" but she stopped upon seeing me. She took a few small steps towards me, unsure if I was real or not by the look on her face. "Is... is that a- a Human? Here?"

I rolled my eyes. "No... A Human?" I asked sarcastically. I then used my pill pack to turn into a crow, flying over to her and perched myself on her rump. "I'm not a Human, I'm a crow. Caw caw!" I actually said the words "caw" instead of making the noise.

Luna looked at me strangely, her headset giving off a faint glow from the LED li-

I hopped up her back and cocked my head at her headset. "How the fuck do you have one of these?" I asked her.

She raised a brow. "It's not that uncommon, is it? All serious gamers use this brand of equipment." She said this like it was normal.

I blinked my beady bird eyes at her. "You have video games here?" I asked incredulously.

She made a face at me. "Of course I do! This is my room, after all! Where else would I keep my gear?"

I looked to Molestia. "I think I figured out your problem. She's a cute girl that plays video games! That's every man's dream! To hell with kinky sex and sexual torture, I'll take a girl that knows her way around a mouse and keyboard any day!"

I looked at Luna. "Marry me," I said simply.

She blushed heavily. 'I- but y- what?!"

I flew off of her and turned back into my normal bandit Playermodel, still holding my loaded PKM. "I think th-" but I was interrupted by almost dozen little boxes of text, all surrounding me.

A HUMAN IN EQUESTRIA?????

who he

Luna dont marry him! Marry me!!!

get rid of this bastard!

No humans aloud only ponies!!!

Whats his name? Who is he?

how did he get that big a*s gun in equestria

Molly i luv u!!!

This Guy Looks Dangerous And Must Not Be Trusted!!!!!1!!11

He looks like a badass

its a bird, its a plane, its a HUMAN!!!!!

Luna ur fukin hot you shud show ur ass

I pulled up my PKM and fired rounds into all of the boxes of text, tearing them to sheds and getting pained shrieks from all of them. "God damned vultures," I said as I backed down the stairs with my gun at the ready, not trusting the pile of letters to be safe.

Once I was down the stairs and out the door of the filthy room- that was still somehow cleaner than my own- I reloaded my PKM and shook my head. "Fucking ponies. Fucking tumblr. Fucking Anons. Fucking stupid people on the internet!" I growled loudly.

I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned around to see about a hundred guards, all glaring at me. "What the fuck do you assholes want?"

One guard stepped forward from the bunch. He was wearing different armor than the others; more decorative. "Were you the one disturbing the princess?" he asked in a gruff voice.

I pushed the barrel of my PKM against his forward and pulled the hammer back, getting that satisfying clacking sound. "That depends," I said. "Do you want to keep your head on your shoulders?" I asked threateningly.

Author's Note

So, two hours of sleep is healthy for 48 hours of life, right? Right? ... Right...? I'm so tired...

Anyways, I am looking forward to the Gamer Luna blog, but like I said, there will always be a space in my... er... what's that thing you feel with? Eh, whatever. Molly will always have a spot right in the center of my feeler, and nothing will ever replace her.
You will always be missed Molestia. If not by the fandom in general, then by me the most.