"It's not my fault! I was under a lot of stress, and I didn't know what I was doing!" I defended, giving Celestia an innocent look.

She raised a brow at me, clearly not believing me.

I pointed at the two pegasi who got me into this trouble. "They seduced me!" I told her.

She looked at Dash and Fluttershy. Then she looked back at me. Her brow was still raised.

I scowled. "Well... they told me to do it!" I accused, pointing to my friends. "It was their idea to do it, not mine! I'm a victim in this!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Serpent said, holding his hands up defensively. "I did not tell anybody to have sex with a pony. That thought hasn't even crossed my mind since we've been here!"

Viking snickered. "Oh yeah, we sure did," he said sarcastically. "It was our idea to shoot us down too!"

I shook my head. "Don't you two have any loyalty?"

They both laughed like I had just told a hilarious joke.

Celestia cleared her throat, getting our attention.

I scowled at her. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I did something bad and now I'm in trouble... ugh, you'd think that making people happy would be a good thing..."

She gave me a cold look. "You didn't make them happy. You used them."

I snorted, smirking at her. "You're just jealous, aren't you?" I asked her. "You're mad 'cause I did them and not you."

She gave me a shocked look, a very slight shade of red tinting her cheeks. "Excuse me?!" she yelled.

At this point, Dash quickly stepped in front of me. A nervous look on her face. "Uh, what he meant to say was... He's very sorry and he promises never to do anything bad again." She looked back at me. "Right?" she said through a forced smile.

I shrugged. "Your words, not mine."

She gave me a helpless look.

I looked back to Celestia. "So, is there a point to you being here besides making sure I didn't blow up the Sun or anything?"

She gave me a level look. "Yes, in fact. I do have something to tell the three of you."

I rolled my hand. "Aaannnnddd...?"

"We have found the wormhole through which you came here," she told me.

I threw my hands in the air, cheering loudly. "I'm not gonna have to fuck horses anymore! Whoo!"

"But we still need to recreate the portal."

I made a sound similar to creaking wood. "Eeeeeehhhhhhhhh... Heh... heh... heh... I'm gonna have to keep fucking horses..."

Dash kicked my leg, shutting me up.

Celestia narrowed her eyes at me. "My sister and I will attempt to recreate it as soon as possible so you may leave," she said. "But without knowing what the symbols for your world are, we have nothing to go on."

I perked up. "I know!" I then rummaged through my add-ons, looking for the magic circle. Once I had found it, I spawned it in front of them. "This is what brought us here. Just reverse the symbols!"

She eyed the circle curiously. "It's a bit more complicated than that... But this is a base to work from." She looked at me seriously.

I looked at her with a slight scowl.

She spoke. "You are still deep in trouble for endangering the lives of my little ponies. And even more so for using them as you have."

Dash yelled an argument, Fluttershy calmly speaking one.

Celestia silenced both of them with a hoof. "I know you think he hasn't done you any harm. But it will take more than two arguments to convince me otherwise."

I snorted. "How about ten?" I asked.

She gave me a cold look. "Excuse me?"

I chuckled darkly. "I can give you as many arguments as you need," I said mysteriously. "Here, listen to these ones." With that I used my powers as a Gmod God to spawn in ten Rainbow Dashes. The strain gave me a bit of a headache, but the look on all of their faces was worth it.

I put my hand on the nearest Dash's head and smirked at Celestia under my head wrap. "Here's your ten arguments. Need more? I can make hundreds. Thousands even."

Everybody looked at the new Dashes. Even they looked at each other curiously.

After the initial shock wore of, the two princesses gave me wary looks.

"How did you do that?" Luna asked, careful of me.

I laughed. "I'm more powerful than you can even imagine. I can make life..." I waved my hand at the Rainbow Dashes, deleting them. "And I can erase it. All with the wave of my hand."

I created another Dash, rubbing her head. "So Dash, do you think I should be punished for what I did?" I asked the copy.

She smiled at me. "No way! If anypony should be blamed, it's me. I'm the one who kissed you first."

I nodded. "That will be all," I said, deleting her. "So, I'm innocent."

Both princesses glared at me.

"You could have said no," Luna said with venom.

Yeah," I snorted. "I could have. But I didn't."

And let the staring match commence!

We stared at each other, them full of anger and me full of hate. None of us wanted to back down. All of us wanted to win. To beat the other in willpower, in determination. They refused to let me win, and I refused to let myself lose.

I kicked dust in their faces, causing them to blink and rub their eyes. "So, I'll be seeing you two when you have the portal up and running," I said, turning around and quickly walking off. "Tally-ho!"

"Don't get too comfortable here," Celestia warned. "One way or another, you'll soon be gone."

I stopped walking, speaking to them without looking back. "If I die here, so does everything else on this world."

There was a silence hanging in the air thick enough to cut. So thick, I thought maybe they had already left.

"We'll send a letter when the portal is ready," Celestia said, anger clear in her voice.

I pulled my top lip back into a terrible smile. "See that you do," I said, crossing my arms behind my back and walking away from them.

***

"You're so cool, bro," Viking said sarcastically as we sat at that same cafe as before, still on the patio. The only difference was now we were eating as well as drinking ridiculous amounts of freezing liquids to slow our death.

I laughed stupidly. "inorite?!" I said, just as sarcastically as he did.

He finished his soda, tossing the can into a nearby trash can. "You think that not looking at them and walking away all suave and shit makes you a badass? Well, it doesn't!" he laughed.

"Aw, shaddap!" I yelled, throwing my beer can at him and missing by a mile. It instead hit a passing pony in the head, causing her to stumble and fall. She didn't get back up. "Ah c'n do whudevah da fuck Ah wan' to," I slurred, only a little bit drunk.

My friends laughed at my drunkenness, making me angry.

"Hey, fuck you guys!" I shouted, spawning in a Sig Saucer and pointing it at them with a wavy aim.

They both held up their hands, shaking their heads.

I scowled and pulled the trigger, missing them and hitting a signpost. "You's gonna git it!"

They both ran, jumping over the small railing of the cafe.

I threw my pizza at them, falling backwards from the forward momentum of my throw. I landed on my back, hearing a loud cracking noise. "Thank God I'm drunk..." I mumbled to myself.

"Are you okay?" a hyperactive voice asked me.

I looked to my side without getting up. "No, I'm dead," I said, extra heavy on the sarcasm.

Pinkie looked at me oddly, the other five stupid ponies next to her. "You don't look dead. Or sound dead. Or smell dead."

I scoffed. "And what would you know about death?" I asked her.

She smiled and placed a small cupcake on my chest. "Here! Have a taste! They're my 'super-special-ingredient' cupcakes!"

I picked it up and swallowed it whole. I nodded slowly. "Not bad."

She giggled.

I could have sworn I saw her turn a slightly darker shade of pink for a split second. But, I was drunk. So a green elephant wearing a top hat could walk by and I wouldn't even blink at it.

Twilight cleared her throat. "Why are you on the ground? With a weapon in your hand?"

I looked at my Sig, then back to her. "uhuh."

She sighed. "Girls, we might need to postpone lunch. I need to make sure he doesn't hurt anypony, again," she said, looking to the mare laying unconscious in the road.

I shook my head, making myself dizzy as I pushed myself to my feet. "Nonono, I'm fine. I can get home without you," I said, wobbling away from them.

"Do y'all even know where yer goin'?" asked Applejack/Hick.

I thought for a moment, tapping the side of my head with my Sig. "Hhhhmmmm... Nope!"

I heard a sigh. Shortly after there was a hoof on my back pushing me forward. "Don't worry Twi, I'll take him to the library," Dash said as she pushed me forward.

I scowled. "I don't need your help!" I complained as I nearly tripped and fell on the unconscious body of the pony I had knocked out with my beer can.

"Yes you do," she said.

I growled at her, trying but failing to stumble away from her.

She leaned in close to my ear. "When we get to the library we can have some fun," she whispered to me.

I smiled drunkenly. "Promise?"

She kissed behind my ear. "Promise."

I laughed, pulling away from her. "Last one to Twilight's bedroom is a dirty turd!" I screamed, loud enough for the entire town to look at us with raised brows.

Then I set my speed to inf. and took off running faster than the speed of... something really fast. Then I ran into the library door a few milliseconds later.

I pushed the door open, rubbing my semi-broken nose. "Is anybody home?!" I screamed.

"Who's there?" a young voice called out from the kitchen.

I walked over to where the voice came from and saw a small purple lizard. Spike. I hadn't seen him before, but had heard he was a dragon. I guess I expected something... cooler. "Who the fuck are you?" I asked the small lizard.

Spike waved at me from the stool he was standing on. He was wearing a pink frilly apron. "Hi, I'm Spike the dragon! Assistant and best friend to Twilight."

I cocked my head to the side. "Are you a boy or a girl?"

Spike went red in the face, giving me a dirty look. "I'm a boy!" he/she said angrily.

I took a step closer, poking him/her in the chest. "Are you sure?" I asked him/her/it.

Spike puffed up his chest, glaring at me coldly. "Yes! I'm a boy!"

"Then I don't want you here," I said, picking him up by his frills and tossing him out the kitchen window.

He shouting something profane- for a kid- and tried to jump back in the window. Unluckily for him, I locked it.

"What's going on?" Dash asked form behind me.

I turned around and smirked at her. "I was making us alone," I said in a sultry voice.

She smiled and laughed nervously. "Uh, about that. I was just going to get you here..."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Huh?"

She looked back at the door. "Well, I was just making sure you made it here. Then I was gonna get back to lunch with my friends. But, you can make another me, so..."

I scowled. "You lied to me."

She bit her lip and started flying backwards, her hooves behind her back. "Well, you can still do, uh, y'know, with me. Just make another copy of me to do it with." She was out the door. "I'll see you later!" she said quickly, flying off as soon as she did.

I sighed and closed the door, locking it afterwards. "Whatever... Stupid fucking pony," I mumbled to myself.

I waved my hand in front of me, spawning a new Dash. "You lied to me," I said harshly.

She chuckled and rubbed her foreleg with the other hoof. "Uh, well, I'm here now. So, let's, uh... Why are you holding a machete?"

I smiled serenely. "I promised somebody I wouldn't hurt the ponies that live here. But I didn't say anything about the ones living in my game." I looked my machete over. It was a model from Fallout: New Vegas, the one that the legion used. It was monstrous. I looked back to her. "You promised me fun. I hate liars."

She took a step towards the door. "Uh, w- we can still do it! Just- just put the machete down, and we can take a nice relaxing breath."

I chuckled to myself, sounding completely insane. "We are going to do it," I told her. "What did you think the machete was for?"

Author's Note

OhmyCelestiaRUNRUNRUNRUN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hehehehehehe!!!!! Come back Dash! I thought you liked it rough!
Go away!
I locked the doors and windows Dash... There's nowhere to run...
S- stay back! I'm warning you!
You might feel just a slight, very slight... horribly painful stabbing sensation.
No, get away!
THERE'S NO BRAKES ON THE RAPE TRAIN!!!!!!!! WHOO!!!!!!!!! WHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't like Spike. Actually, I hate him. Do you hate Spike? Do you like him? Do you have no real feelings? I wonder...