Garry's Mod Vs. Equestria

I was on the computer playing a round of CS:GO and generally kicking ass. I had six MVP stars, and had just gotten an ace. My K/D was 17-3, one of the best I've ever had. And I owed it all to my best friend, the Nova shotgun. Yes, I am indeed a shotgun noob, and I'm proud of that.

It was me and one guy against four of them. I was half dead with no Kevlar, and he was at five health. Things didn't look good, but I was confident that we could pull it off. We had to, it was match point.

"Check mid, I'll go tunnels and rotate to A," I said through the mic.

He agreed, running down the long slope towards the intersection near CT spawn.

I went through the tunnels entrance near the T spawn. Checking lower real quick, I went back to check B. It was clear by the looks of it. But that was just the crates. I couldn't see the car or the mid doors.

I slowly peaked my head out, getting a good look. I saw the doors, the wall, the car, the boxes, but no Ts.

I shook my head and turned around.

A T was behind me, but nothing like I've ever seen before. He had no shirt and his body was swollen and disfigured. Blood was dripping from his mouth, nose and eyes, and there were pus-oozing cuts all over his torso. "Plant the bomb!" he roared.

I fired my Nova but somehow missed.

He ran at me, waving his arms around wildly. "Plant the bomb!"

I fired again and again, but both shots missed. It was like my bullets were refusing to hit him.

He collided with me, knocking me over. "Plant the bomb!"

I fell. But I didn't hit the ground. I kept falling, into nothing but empty blackness. Forever it seemed, but it had only been a few seconds, or was it minutes... years?

When I landed I was in the room in Trottingham and Mirage was in front of me with a seductive smile on her face. "I'm so glad that you gave me your love," she cooed. "I just couldn't get enough."

I couldn't speak. I opened my mouth to say something, but no sound came out. I couldn't even focus on what it was I wanted to say and forgot it. I felt the weight of my Nova shotgun in my hands. It was... comforting.

She strolled over to me, swaying her hips in wide motions. When she reached me, she put her hoof on my chest and made small circular motions with it. It felt... really, really good. "Now, now, love. You don't need that big bad weapon, now do you?" she crooned. "I'm here to keep you safe. As long as our love lasts, all you'll ever need is me to protect you from the world."

I smiled at her. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. She did make me feel safe, make me feel better. I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling of her hoof on my chest. Right above my Nova.

She stopped rubbing, instead resting her hoof on the shotgun. "Come on, love, you don't need this anymore. You have me now. I can do things that this measly old weapon could never do."

I smiled again, opening my eyes and looking at my Nova. "Yeah, but this gun has been with me for as long as I can remember. It's my friend, and I can't just abandon a friend."

She frowned and tugged on the gun lightly. "But I'm your new friend," she said. "I'll be with you for the rest of your life, and I'll make you happy."

I chuckled, pulling my Nova away from her. "My Nova already makes me happy. I don't need a replacement, well, unless you have a Candy Apple skin, that is." I lifted the shotgun up to eye level, looking at it fondly. "This Tempest skin is great and all, but I need something with a bit of flair, y'know?"

Her frown quickly turned into a glare. "Just drop your weapon," she said. "I'll make everything better. I promise."

I frowned at her, hugging my Nova closely. "I'm not getting rid of my Nova Mirage. And you can't make anything better, everything's fine as it is."

She let out a low growl, similar to a cat's yowling.

The T ripped out of her back, flailing his arms around madly. "Plant the fucking bomb!"

I opened my eyes, taking in a deep breath. I was laying on a clean bed in a nice room. The bed was comfy and warm and clean. The window was unexploded. The door was on its hinges. In my professional opinion, I decided that I was not in the same room as I was in the previous night.

There was a knock on the door.

I scowled at it. "Nobody's home, go away!" I yelled.

The door creaked open, allowing a fresh faced Staff Sergeant Light Hoof to trot into the room with a large bowl of steaming... something... on her back. She trotted up to the bed, a skip in her step, and placed the bowl on a small nightstand before beaming at me. "Good morning!" she said happily.

I raised an eyebrow at her as I sat up. "That is you, right Mirage?"

She winked at me. "Not in public it's not," she said playfully. "But to you..." She licked her lips hungrily. "... I'll always be me for you, unless you want somepony else."

I nodded, looking to the bowl. The second I saw what it was my stomach screamed at me in boiling rage to eat it. "Oh my God... That's clam chowder..." I picked up the bowl and slowly brought it over to me, gazing into the thick sludge that was my soup.

Light Hoof nodded with a smile. "Trottingham is right on the ocean, so I figured that I might as well treat you to something special," she said.

I tilted the entire bowl up, letting the contents funnel into my mouth and down my throat. It burned like liquid fire, but the taste was worth it. As the last drops touched my tongue, I sighed in a mixture of happiness and sadness. Happy that I got to eat clam chowder, and sad because it was gone. "I fucking love clam chowder," I said dumbly.

She giggled. "More than me?" she asked playfully, making a silly face.

I laughed at her. "I love nothing more than you," I said.

I blinked. "What the fuck did I just say?" I asked myself, looking down at my hands. "Must be something in the air," I mumbled, shaking my head.

Light Hoof frowned at me. "Are you saying that you don't love me?" she asked.

I gave her a look. "We just met yesterday and fucked. I was four minutes away from killing you with a giant meat cleaver! I like you, yeah. But love?" I shrugged. "I don't thin- Ahh!" I felt what felt like a bolt of lightening shoot through my skull, causing me more pain that a bullet to the face would.

The false sergeant put her hoof on my shoulder, a worried look on her face. "Are you all right, my love?"

I could only groan as the pain split my head apart.

"Here, this will help," she said. She then dropped her disguise and lit up her curved horn with a sickly green aura. As she touched it to my head... the pain stopped.

I shook my head to clear away the spots in my vision, and also a strange green tint to everything.

"Are you okay, my love?" she asked me.

I nodded, smiling at her. "I am thanks to you. You made everything better."

She smiled at me lovingly, stoking my jaw line with a hoof. "You should rest, my love. You need the sleep, you look tired."

I shook my head. "No... No. No resting, I need to get Viking and get to the mountain. We still need to kill that dragon for Celestia," I said as I pushed myself off the bed.

The sergeant smiled toothily at me.

I looked down to see my morning friend waggling hello at me. "Maybe I can get dressed in about... twenty minutes?" I wondered, looking to Light Hoof.

She nodded approvingly.

Seeing her do that made me smile.

***

Viking and I walked out of the gates of Trottingham, our armor and bodies fresh and clean, thanks to some generous locals. Though in all honesty they probably just wanted us gone as fast as possible. Probably something to do with threatening to skin them alive if they got too close to me. Or maybe it was me opening the prison yard and letting all the Changelings go free. Or it could have been from the previous night. Well, it could have been a lot of things, really.

I breathed in the fresh air. Sea salt and green plains, a lovely combination. "So Viking, another two days before we reach the dragon, and another three or four days on the walk back... Want to play Eye Spy?"

He groaned loudly.

"I spy, with my little eye, something... Light Hoof?"

He looked at me, and if his visor was up I'd guess it was like I was stupid. "What the fuck kinda clue is that?"

I pointed back towards the town, little more than a greyish-blue smear on an otherwise green landscape. "Look, it's that sergeant. She's coming closer to us."

We shared a look before stopping and waiting for her to get to us. It didn't take long, her being a trained military officer and all that. She galloped up to us, skidding to a stop a few feet from where we were standing. "Hey, can I come with you guys?" she asked.

We both shared a look again. "Uh, aren't you like, supposed to defend against the Changeling army or something?" I asked her.

She laughed. "It's me," she said with a wink.

My brain clicked. "Oh! Yeah! Hell yeah, of course you can come!"

She smiled at me brightly. "I'm happy you still want me around, love."

Viking looked at me. " 'Love'?"

I shook my head. "No, not love. Just friends with bene- Ahh! Fucking hell!" I growled out, putting my hands to my head. That pain was back again, and it was worse this time.

"Oh no! Are you okay, my love?" the false sergeant asked worriedly.

I shook my head as best I could without causing any more damage to myself.

She dropped her disguise only enough to allow her horn to appear. Lighting it up, she touched it to my forehead and the pain was gone. "Better?" she asked.

I breathed in heavily. "Yeah," I said, nodding. "Better. Thanks Mirage."

She scoffed. "Please, call me Light Hoof, or just Light for short. As long as I'll be with you, I'll be using this form."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. We can call you Light."

She smiled at me happily. "Thanks, love. I'm glad you agree."

I smiled lecherously at her behind my visor. "Hard not to with an ass like that."