YHAY: I Refuse to Play

I awoke to a throbbing pain in my head and groaned in pain. I could recall getting fairly tipsy at my cousin's last night, but not nearly drunk enough to warrant this kind of hangover. I know my limits and have regretted trying to exceed them in the past, so I stick with three to four shots spaced over about three hours and call it a party. So why did my head feel like I was back in the Corps after a five day pass?

I could hear growling somewhere left of me, so I turned and tried to peek through my eyes. The light burned all the same though. I covered my eyes before trying again, letting my eyes slowly adjust. What I saw was a young brown headed girl, stark naked, glaring at me like I stole her chocolates during her 'time of the month'. Naturally my first though was Oh, fuck. Did I rape this girl?. I bolted upright, which seemed to at least startle the young girl back. Taking stock of my surroundings, I came to some simple conclusions.

1: I was still wearing my suit from last night, which discouraged the rape theory.

2: I could feel all my possessions from the previous night in my pockets, so I wasn't robbed.

3: I was in the middle of a large plain, with no identifiable landmarks around me. I was lost.

There wasn't any clothes around us either, which meant she must have arrived here naked. Just what the hell kind of party went on last night?

Groaning, I picked up my fedora which lied beside me and stood to my full six foot height. The girl could wait, I needed to know where I was. I pulled out my smart phone and activated it. The girl stared up at me in what looked like mild awe before becoming intensely curious at the activation tone of my phone. She reached for it, but I pulled away quickly, giving her a scolding huff. She backed down and whined in a kind of pitiful manner before I returned to my phone.

No bars? No Data? Just how far in the boonies did my would-be kidnappers take me? I put way my phone and sigh. The girl went for the pocket I put my phone in and I turned on her. I didn't know what this chick's problem was, but I would not let her go through my belongings just because she was naked.

"Gachhh Rack!" My gargling words were followed by a series of throaty coughs. That was defiantly not right. Keeping the girl at arms length I tested my speech. No matter my language or dialect, all my words came out as growls and hacks. I knew too much alcohol could ruin a persons throat, but this was ridiculous! My throat didn't even have the tell--tale burn of liquor.

I decided to calm down and try to recall the previous night. I remembered drinking at my college graduation party. I had finally gotten my degree in political science. My cousin had let me lie down for a bit. There were still some guests, but all people I knew. I was going to get up in thirty minuets or so. Then there was that dream. The more I thought about it, the more I managed to remember. I was falling through some dark void. I panicked at first, but regained my senses. I recognized it was a dream, and used my considerable practice in lucid dreaming to take charge.

I allowed my decent to continue, though at a controlled rate. My brain wanted to take me somewhere, so I figured I'd just ride it out. Then there was a voice. It was twisted, but not malevolent. It started talking about how I was supposed to do great things for humanity. I knew that, though. I didn't get a degree in political science and read Aristotle and Plato to wash dishes, after all. Then the voice said something about fitting in with the rest of the beasts, about playing my part in the game. I could feel my throat tingle then. I tried to speak but my words got more and more disjointed as I cried out.

It became immensely clear I was no longer in control of the dream, I had to make a choice. This voice obviously wanted me to play a part in whatever plan it had. It violated my dreams and was trying to alter me to fit into it's puzzle. This did not sit well with me, so I decided to take action. Going up seemed outside of my capabilities, and just sitting back was not an option, so I did what any sensibly mad man would do.

I used what little control I had over the dream and plummeted down.

The voice didn't seem to expect this and cried out. I heard something about a spell not being completed, but I didn't care. As long as I got away. I was not going to be a pawn in some cosmic chess game. I was a bishop, or at least a knight. Then, blackness until I woke up.

Strange dreams and waking up in the middle of nowhere next to a naked woman. Sounds like the setup for a new Hangover movie. I shook my head, trying to clear it. Muteness aside, I needed to find civilization. My current apparel wasn't fit for roughing it outdoors and I had no intention to test it's limits. After calculating the orientation of the sun to the approximate time of day and accounting for the moderate climate I walked in a random direction and kept going. One night isn't much time, so my would-be kidnappers couldn't have gotten me far from civilization.

The sound of footsteps behind me reminded me of the female. I don't know how I had forgotten about her, being that she was still in the buff, but I'll attribute it to the panic of being stranded in the middle of a field. I looked back at her and she stopped. She slouched a bit and had a curious, but passive face. Her head cocked to the side a bit, similar to how a dog's would. I opened my mouth to speak before I remembered my current condition. I closed my mouth with a frown, then jerked my head with a grunt, signalling my wish for her to follow. She seemed to understand and began to walk.

After the first few minuets of walking I reached into my pocket and habitually put the end of a stylus in my mouth, letting it hang like a cigarette. I never smoked, but my parents did, and while I abhorred tobacco, I kept the oral fixation. I had a mechanical pencil as well, but no paper to write on, otherwise I would have tried communicating with the girl. Within an hour we arrived at a treeline, and the girl seemed to cower a bit. I looked back inquisitively at her. Her face stayed passive, but she did growl a little.

I had to stop myself from asking her what was wrong. Being mute sucks. I instead gave a grunt and continued walking forward. The girl was apparently comfortable enough nude in the middle of nowhere, so what the hell should I care. Freaky nudists.

As I entered however I did feel a particular chill down my spine. none the less I pressed on. At least a forest has wood I can use for shelter and fire if it is absolutely necessary. I hope not, I spent four hundred dollars on this whole suit, over time mid you, but still.

The girl tentatively followed me, looking around anxiously at every rock and stump as if it was about to eat her. I noticed she kept that same impassive face this whole time, only really expressing emotion when she growled at me. And she never spoke, which led me to believe she may have had whatever I may have drank to mess my own throat up, but she didn't even seem concerned about it. It was a little creepy now that I thought about it. I would have dedicated more thought to it, had my foot not sunk into a patch of mud. Due to my silenced state, I could only swear in my head, but I did give a groan of annoyance at it. These were some of my best shoes! I could clean them later, but I would have to walk around in muddy footwear for the rest of the day, which I was not a fan of.

I begrudgingly marched forward, eye twitching a bit with every squish of my foot. I perked up when I finally heard a voice.

"Stay away! Leave me alone! MOMMY!" It sounded like a young girl. A young girl under attack! My duty-senses tingling, I sprinted forward, only mildly inconvenienced by my muddy shoe. Reaching into my cot pocket, I pulled out the only weapon I could comfortably hide in the suit, a pen-knife. I thought I had disarmed myself before I started drinking last night, but now I was glad I made the oversight. Could have used my gun though.

I heard one more shriek of terror before I finally wheeled around a tree to the most disturbing sight I'd seen yet. Four naked men surrounding a small, awkwardly colored baby horse. Did I land in some sort of nudist colony or something? They all turned to see me staring at them. Each had a snarl on their face, as if trying to tell me to back off before turning back to their prey. I was more than happy to oblige, I didn't even see who made that cry for he-

"Please go away!" The little horse cried out. "I'll never come into the forest again! Just let me go!" I stood there for a few moments shocked as to what just happened in front of me. The horse talked. It spoke plain English, right in front of me. No tricks or illusion like from that Mr. Ed show from way back, but honest to God speaking, complete with emotional facial movements that looked eerily natural. I briefly considered finding a good sized rock to climb under and sleeping away this drug and alcohol fueled dream I seem to be having, but I swept that away.

The girl showed up behind me and gave a sort of squawk before trying to hide behind the tree. It was too late to hide though, as one of the men had seen her and seemed to go wild. He was grunting and snarling up a storm before rushing over. Not liking the look in his eyes, I stepped between them. The man didn't seem to understand my "back the fuck off" stance, and howled in rage. He tried to rush me with a swing at my head, but I managed to side step and slashed him with my pen knife. The man gave a primitive howl of pain before backing away and cautiously looking down at his arm.

Emboldened by my small victory, I adopted a defensive stance and prepared for a protracted fight. The largest man of the group stepped forward and growled at me. He waved his arms around and prepared to fight.

It's like I'm dealing with cave men I thought to myself. I was still half of a foot taller than the man, but he had some serious bulk. I hadn't had any hand to hand combat practice for a few years, and while I was rusty, I was confident I remembered enough to stab this fool into submission if I needed to. The man blitzed me, trying to overpower me with his size. I responded with a swift kick to his groin. The man keeled over in a heap. He still swung out at me, trying to take out my shins as he writhed on the ground, but I silenced him with a powerful kick to his temple.

I glared up to the remaining men, who seemed to reconsider their motives. I prepared to charge my would-be enemies before a much louder roar echoed through the forest, garnering all of our attention. The roar was followed by a repeated thumping sound. The humans panicked, scrambling away into the brush and out of sight. The girl cowered further behind her tree. The little talking horse, though, was petrified with fear. She sat still, eyes wide in the direction of the footsteps. I, myself, was both frightened and curious as to what could be big enough to cause such a ruckus just by walking.

"Manticore" I heard the little horse whisper. Well that answered that quest- wait a minute. What the heck was a Manticore?

That question was answered when a giant hybrid between a scorpion, a bat, and a lion burst from the foliage. Both the little horse and I had generally the same reaction. Scream like little girls and run. We both bolted from our spots in the opposite direction of the Manticore. The monster gave chase through the foliage as we jumped and dashed through the trees and brush. Looking ahead I saw the edge of a cliff. Rapidly running out of time, I needed to make a decision. I glanced down at the little horse. She seemed to be panicking too much to realize our predicament.

Acting swiftly, I put into motion a horribly though through plan made up in five seconds. I scooped up the little horse into my left arm and sprinted at the cliff. I could almost feel the Manticore's breath on my neck when I finally jumped. I frantically searched the cliff face below me for anything I could grab. Seeing my opportunity, my right hand shot out and grabbed a vine. I almost immediately realized this would pretty much ruin my shoulder. I tensed up for the pain, but it never came. The vine did instead.

The horse and I both wailed like banshees the whole swing down, landing about thirty yards away from a small pool of water in front of the cliff with a winding path leading away. I had to roll as I landed to protect the young horse. This was the first speaking creature I had run into, and I needed some answers. That could wait, though, as I laid myself out to rest. The Manticore seemed to decided following us was too much trouble, and ran off to chase some plump meal elsewhere. I stared up at the sky, trying to wrap my head around the craziness that had occurred since I woke up two hours ago.

First the nudists, then the talking horse, then the mythological monstrosity. I was at my whits end, and I hadn't even had breakfast yet. A pair of freakishly large eyes with yellow irises suddenly obstructed my view of what was a very pleasant sky.

"Umm... Mr. Human? Are you okay."

I'm not a fan of screaming at kids. It freaks them out, makes them cry, and sometimes has long lasting side effects not seen until adulthood. But if I could speak right now, oh the verbal onslaught that would ensue. This kid would learn so many new vocabulary words her head would spin. But since my current vocal abilities were somewhat limited, I settled for a good groan. I slowly sat up and rubbed my head. At some point my fedora had fallen from my head, and it now sat about five feet away. I shook my head to try to clear it. I got a better look at my would-be captive. She was about half way up my shin in height, and had a light purple coat. Actually, it's more of a lavender. Her mane and tail were blonde as her eyes and she had a spiral horn sticking from her head. Given that this was the second mythological creature I'd seen today (well, technically first, but that's besides the point), I took a moment to just stare at her.

"You're not hurt are you?"

The precious darling wanted to know if I was hurt. She was adorable, in a fluffy animal sort of way. I shook my head and stood up. She craned her head up to look at me.

"Wow, you're really tall for a human. I think Applebloom might have some humans as big as you, but not many."

I raised my eyebrow at the little horse. 'Having humans'? That smelled like low tide at the pier, but I could dedicate thought to it later. I needed to find somewhere safe to both hide from anything else that may want to have a delightful brunch, and to finally get a dialogue going with this little... pony, I guess. Nowhere near big enough to be a horse, even a baby one. I walked over and retrieved my hat, placing it firmly on my head before looking around.

"So... Are you supposed to be with somepony? You're awfully dressed up for a human."

The little pony seemed to be more speaking at me than to me.

"I know! You can come home with me! Mommy will know who you belong to, she knows all kinds of stuff!"

Belong to? I don't belong to anyone but myself, little girl... pony... thing. I decided that in the interest of keeping myself from being eaten by any strange forest creatures, I would follow this little pony to her hut or village, or whatever. I suppose I should be surprised she spoke perfect English, but after being attacked by nudists and chased off a cliff by a monster, I really needed a nap. And a drink. I adjusted my now dirty suit, tilted my hat, and swept my arm out for her to lead the way. The little pony gave me a strange look before proceeding down the path.

Author's Note

Well, that's the first chapter.

I have two different tracks this story can go from here, I'll decide after a few days based on the reception so far.

Thanks for sacrificing your undoubtedly valuable time reading my fic.

-Cicero Niche