Peter Williams

The following day was mostly filled with studying various books around Derpy's home to learn as much as I could about Equestria to prepare for my upcoming meeting with pony royalty. Apparently the whole nation was ruled by a monarch. Except there's three of them. Who control the sun and moon. I checked and re-checked my research several times over to look for any typos or errors in the writing, but every source agreed that the rulers of this land had the power to manipulate heavenly bodies. I try not to think about it to much and move on to what I can understand without breaking the laws of physics.

Equestria, by way it's set up, should not exist as a nation. It has a monarchy, but three monarchs, and no kings or queens. It has a council of nobles, but with no apparent power. It has many cities and elect their local offices, but no regional authority except the divided crown and the useless nobles. Unless the army has three times the force of any other nation on the planet, there is no way in hell this country should have lasted thirty years, much less over one thousand.

The best I could piece together, the noble class consisted of ponies with considerable land holdings or major businesses, but were limited in what they could do by the crown...s, making them more or less a big country club for the uber rich. They had to abide by the laws governing all ponies on humane... ponymane?... decent treatment of their fellows. Stuff like eviction notices, use of force, corporate espionage, and all the other things rich people had to worry about when they were being particularly dickish. Of course that was just on paper. Like any civilized society, there was probably a few nobles who got away with murder if they set their minds and pocketbooks too it.

The royalty consisted of three monarchs. Or would it be triarchs? Mono, tri... Whatever. These "Princesses", I guess their word for queen or regent, rule all of Equestria. At the same time. One is Princess Celestia, Princess of the Day, Ruler of the Sun. Okay. That makes sense in the Sun-Controlling category. One is Princess Luna, Princess of the Night, again, appropriate if the laws of physics are ignored. The final one is Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess of... Friendship? What kind of title was that? Is she some kind of moral authority on matters? That's the princess I was supposed to meet with tomorrow, so she must have some sort of legislative power.

The more I learned about these princesses the more confused I was. They were apparently over one thousand years old, or at least two of them were, there was a forth one who got a small principality all to herself, and they all seemed to get along peacefully with no attempts to steal or horde power. Not even assassination attempts. I wracked my brain trying to come up with a rational explanation for this perplexing system. Ultimately more research would be needed. Maybe this town had a library or something. How would I get a library card though? Hmm.

My ruminations were interrupted with a knocking at the door. Ensuring my robe was affixed properly I stepped to the door and opened it to a pink pony who seemed to buzz with hyper activity. Her eyes widened upon seeing me.

"Ooo. I heard Derpy had gotten a new human, but I didn't think you would be swell dressed! Rarity is going to love you! You're pretty tall for a human though. I think Apple Jack has some humans your height, but she's really cautious about them. She says they can be kinda cranky when they're disturbed, which is a shame because I've always wanted to throw them a gloomy gus party but then she said they wouldn't understand what a party was and that made me really sad, but it does remind me of why I came here! I wanted to invite Derpy to the 'Congratulations On Getting Your Own Human' Party! I wrote her an invitation, but since she's so busy at work, I'd thought I'd just drop it by her house! And then you answered the door so I actually got to meet you in person before the party! I should hold a 'Meet New Ponies Before The Party' Party! But you're not really a pony, so that couldn't work. I suppose I could make it a 'Meet new Humans Before the Party' Party, but then I would have to..."

The pink pony rambled on and on in front of me. I tuned her out and looked over the invitation. A party sounded interesting. While I wasn't a typical college socialite or frat boy, I did enjoy a get together with some friends. Get some drinks, get buzzed, and have a good time. Something told me that wouldn't be my experience here, though. What would I wear, anyway, it's not like I could go in my little Greek outfit. It to easily snags and could fall off, leaving me bare to the world, and while most humans may not care they can be oogled at any time whatsoever, I do. Besides, what if I ran into that Princess Sparkle while I was there? I still had no clue how to approach her about this. Maybe Derpy could help, she seemed to know what was on the up and up.

"... So I put up my party cannon and let the doctor out of the closet, but I still think Rosco was happy after it all." Oh, the pink pony was still talking? That's surprising. I would have thought she was done by now. Come to think of it, I don't think I heard her pause to even take a breath. That was weird. Maybe she was particularly long winded? I'll let her finish, it would be impolite to shut the door on one of Derpy's friends while she was talking.

Ten Minuets Later

Dear God, it's still going. Pinkie Pie, the name of the pink pony I somehow picked up in the seemingly endless vocabulary waterfall presented, never even stopped for air. At first I was intrigued, then a little frightened, then more curious. How did this little pony function? Did she even have lungs, or did she have some sort of magic radioactive mutation that allowed her to breath air directly through her skin? I was no bio-scientist, but I could appreciate the significance of a distortion of normal biological functions. Perhaps she stores extra air in her mane. It seemed poofy enough.

"...Oh my gosh! I've spent so much time here talking I forgot to deliver the rest of the invitations! I gotta go! Thanks Mr. Williams! You're a really good listener!" And with that she was gone, leaving me standing in the doorway, clutching the invitation. I scratched my head and went back inside the house. Clearly I still had more to learn about these ponies, both politically and personally. Wait... When did I give her my name? Meh, probably heard it from Dinky or something.

It was an hour later that Derpy arrived from work. I handed her the invitation and told her about my run in with Pinkie Pie. She seemed sympathetic, saying if I wanted to be treated like any other pony, I would have run into Pinkie at some point. Derpy described her as... unique. Something my experience was not how deep the rabbit hole went, but that could be investigated some other day. I asked about the party and she explained there was a good chance Princess Sparkle would be there, since A: Pinkie was a close, personal friend of the princess and B: Pinkie was considered by far the premier party pony of Ponyville, so few to none missed the one if the opportunity presented itself.

I considered my options. While going to the party would possibly cause me to run into the princess early, it would also give me, or at least Derpy to request an audience, if Princess Sparkle was a pony who stood on protocol anyway. Also Derpy promised it would be a fun party, so I might as well get a taste of what pony recreation is like. I scoured the home for something I could use to more efficiently secure my toga-robe-sheet. We settled on a series of clothespins and a fashionable crimson sash for my ensemble, which, in my inexperienced opinion, really brought the outfit together.

Before we could go to the party, however, we needed to pick up Dinky, who had gone to some clubhouse with the little fillies from yesterday. We set out into Ponyville towards Sweet Apple Acres, an apple farm owned by the pony Apple Jack I've heard so much about. We passed along the outskirts of town, letting the dirt road guide us. We reached long rows of apple trees soon enough, and turned up onto the property of the Apple Family. At the end of the road sat a humble barn that looked like a few additions were built onto the sides. I could also see a multitude of various crops growing in fields behind the building with a few barns in the background.

It would have looked like any other farm on earth if it weren't for the stark naked humans walking about. It was eerie. I saw plenty of naked humans in Ponyville, but they were more or less just sitting around or walking with their owners. These humans were working hard, sweat glistening off their bodies from long labor in the sun. Many were well built as well. One guy had biceps the size of a cantaloupe! Some were hauling carts, others pulling plows. A few seemed to be taking a break in the shade of a particularly big tree. All these being overseen by an orange pony with golden locks and a Stetson cowboy hat. She saw Derpy and I and immediately came over.

"Well howdy, Derpy!" As soon as she opened her mouth I was reminded of a Texas dude ranch mixed with a southern belle. It was a distinctive accent that could be heard across my homeland. In fact all these ponies seemed to have pleasantly American accents. Surprising, considering I wouldn't have expected extra dimensional beings to even speak the same language. Another mystery for another day though, as the young mare whom I could safely assume was this 'AppleJack' character continued, "So this is your new Human, huh? Well he may not look as strong, but I think Ah can see a good bit of promise in 'im." I raised by eyebrow questioningly. What is this mare on about? "And a bit a' sass. Ah like 'im!" I'm so glad I earned your approval.

"Well we're just here to pick up Dinky and be off to Pinkie's party." Derpy said, looking between me and the apple farmer. AppleJack agreed and lead the way.

"AppleBloom an' them have been up in the clubhouse ever since they got home. Ah'm glad that filly is gettin' more friends than just Sweetie and Scoots." AppleJack said as we walked through the orchard. Derpy nodded in reply and seemed ready to continure the conversation before AppleJack looked back to me. "He looks fairly healthy. Jus found 'im out in the Everfree, right?"

Derpy seemed confused on the sudden change of subject, but answered, "Yes. Dinky says Peter saved her life."

AppleJack nodded, "Don't that just beat all? Some humans just have natural nurturing instincts. They'll know just what a pony needs and help 'em." Her eyes lingered on me for a few moments longer before turning back to Derpy.

"W-well Peter certainly know a lot of things. He is actually very smart." Derpy said. Good, ease her into it. We don't want her to freak pout like Rarity, though looking back that was a very humorous situation.

"Ah'm sure he is. He certainly looks like a thinker. Ah've noticed some humans will actually learn how to use simple tools by themselves. Jus pick up some equipment and go at it! It's the darndest thi-." AppleJack was interrupted by a shreik from ahead of us. Our group booked it down the path to a pink tree house with a ramp leading up to it. At the foot of the ramp was a circle of what appeared to be living piles of branches. They were made up of twigs, leaves, limbs, and other foliage. I think I could see a few flowers in there as well. Inside the circle were the four fillies we were looking for. The orange one, Scootaloo I think, was crying out as a wooden monster seemed to munch on a scooter.

"Timberwolves!" AppleJack exclaimed. Timberwolves? Ohh, because their wolf shaped, and made of trees. That makes sense. But if they were wolves, why didn't they just eat the fillies? Seems un-wolf-like to me... Unless they weren't there to feed. They must want something but what- Oh. AppleJack's jumped in and started to fight them. We should probably do that first.

I searched around for a weapon, seeing as my fists probably wouldn't do much against them. I settled on a tree branch lying nearby and move toward a wolf that was a little more to the side. No point in getting surrounded. The wolf notices me and takes a pouncing stance. I take my own, channeling my inner high school baseball player. We square off for a moment before the wooden wolf strikes. My ankles pivot, causing me mild pain, but my swing is big and powerful, knocking the wolf apart and snapping my branch in two. I watched with pride as the pieces fell to the ground, then in shock as the scraps of wood began to gather itself back together. Even the fallen half of my branch was not spared, being sucked into the wolf form. The timberwolf fully reforms, eyes glowing green and obviously upset at my apparent defiance.

Oh yeah, Magic wolves made of trees. That makes sense... Cheater! I nervously stepped away from the wolf, which only causes the beast to move closer. It crouched down, preparing for another leap when a new snarl distracted both of us. From my left peripheral a human charged in, battering the wolf from the side. It looked like one from the field we passed on our way over to the club house. I looked around as more humans joined in the apparent fight, all of them hooting and hollering at the wooden wolves. I glanced over at Derpy to check if she was safe. She was curled up with Dinky in the circle.

I stepped back and looked around. For my efforts I tripped and fell over a shovel. It was half buried in the ground next to a freshly planted sapling. I gripped the sturdy tool and appreciated, for a moment, that I was about to fulfill a fantasy of mine since I was small. With the Apple's humans supporting me, I charged in, swinging the blade of the spade wide, cutting wood and knocking the wolves into bits. I reached the fillies and Derpy and stopped my assault. The humans around me didn't seem to notice though, rushing the timberwolves beyond me. Apparently there had been more of the terrors waiting just beyond the treeline. The humans, armed with only their fists and a few with the tools they had been holding at the time.

I stayed where I was to observe and collect myself. The wolves were being beaten, but some were starting to flank the group. I grabbed some of the passing humans and pointed them in the direction of the flanking wolves. Once I was sure the humans had formed a sort of perimeter I turned back to the ponies. AppleJack had begun looking over her little sister and her friends while Derpy hovered over her daughter. Thankfully no one seemed to be immediately injured. I was suddenly distracted by a sort of gnawing at my foot. I looked down to see a small version of a timberwolf, almost the size of a puppy, assaulting my black dress shoe. My first instinct was to kick it hard in the maw, but a realization stayed my foot. I looked at it, then to the wolves, then to the crusaders, then to the overturned saddlebags the little ankle biter had apparently fallen out of. Damn kids.

AppleJack

After Ah was done showin' them timberwolves how the Apples greet varmints, Ah ran over to AppleBloom while mah humans handled the rest of 'em. Ah could recognize each one of 'em, loyal creatures. Most folks thought humans was jus beasts, like dogs an such. But Ah knew better. I worked with humans all mah life, an I know there's more to 'em than that. Some are jus simple beasts, but others, the real cream o' the crop, they're sumthin special. They can feel. The don't show it a course. But Ah can tell, jus from the look in their eyes, they're different. Thems the ones who always seem to figure things out before the rest of em. An now here they were, provin their loyalty to their master again. Celestia, Ah love them fellas.

Ah noticed out of the corner of mah eye the other human, Derpy's. Think she called em... Peter, Right! Peter, armed with only a shovel, was directin mah humans at some wolves that was trying to get around us. There was somethin off about em, though. If mah humans was special, this fella was was one o few. The way he stood an moved was different from any other human Ah ever seen. Mah humans was just runnin at the wolves, ready to fight, but with no organization. This fella was lookin, watchin, thinkin. Differences aside, as long as he was helpin me an my kin from these here wolves, he could be alien, like mah sister an her friends was talking about fer all Ah cared. Ah looked back ta AppleBloom. She seemed calmer now that all our humans had arrived, an I could finally get a word in.

"Hey. Hey, AppleBloom. What happened, sugar cube?" Ah asked gently. Mah little sister raised her head from mah chest an sniffled.

"Ah'm sorry, sis!" She cried out, "We was tryin' ta get our forester cutie marks when we found this little tiny timberwolf all alone in the woods. We thought we could get our monster raisin' cutie marks if we brought it up on the farm like we do humans."

Ah looked at her, astonished,"What? Aww Bloom, ya know better than that! Timberwolves never leave their pups alone!"

"Ah know! Ah know! We jus thought it was lost, or hurt. We jus wanted ta help."

"Ah understand, sugar cube, but now we've got one heck of a-" Mah sentence was cut off by a sharp whistle. Ah jerked my head ta see Peter taking his fingers from his mouth. In his arm was the timberwolf pup, his shovel abandoned behind him. The wolves growled deeply at him, but didn't charge. He winced as the pup bit him in the hand a few times, but he calmly strode forward nonetheless. Mah humans followed him, both sides moving to an imaginary boundary between em. In the center of the wolves was a big one. Ah could tell by lookin' that this one was the alpha. Peter stood confidently before it before slowly and gently placing the pup on the ground. The timber pup gave one last nip ta the side of Peter's hand an ran over ta the alpha. The alpha timberwolf sniffed the small wooden wolf before lickin' it. The alpha looked up at Peter, huffed, then turned an stalked off. The other wolves followed, the second one picking up the pup by the bark o' the neck. With the wolves gone mah humans turned to our group. Some of the humans were hurt in the scuffle, and would need help, but most seemed ready to get back ta work. Ah would have ta make sure ta put some meat bits in their food tonight. It was a little reward when they did somethin good, an did they ever do somethin good today!

Peter stood where he was until the wolves were out of sight. Derpy and Dinky walked up ta him an asked if he was alright. I had ta admit, Ah was a mite worried mahself. He jus stood there, stiff as a board. As soon as the wolves were out of sight, though, he dropped ta the ground. Dinky ran ta get somethin or another as Ah rushed up ta see what happened, only ta receive the surprise o' mah life. Peter looked fine, but he was a bit pale, and his hands shook so much I figure it could turn a soda bottle to a pop gun. Ah had never seen a human have a panic attack before, but if it was anythin like a pony one, Peter had it bad. He had ta know what he was doin. He knew the whole situation, an no one had ta explain it ta him or nothin. Somethin was definatly different about him, Ah jus couldn't put mah hoof on it. Dinky returned with a paper ad an pencil. Ah figured it was a bad time ta do a report on what happened, but Ah received a second surprise when Peter took the supplies an actually wrote somthin!

That was really stupid. Don't let me do it again. Fuck the party. I'm going to bed.

Author's Note

So here it is, chapter eleven. Some plot, some action, some politics and appearances of Pinkie Pie and AppleJack. Good times.

Quick note: I will not be posting another chapter for a while. I will be away on business for the next two weeks, and will be unable to work on the story. I will keep in mind and try to fine tune my outline, though, so hopefully I will be able to get right back in the saddle when I get back.

Your Author,
Cicero Niche