Peter Williams

I rose from a comfortable slumber on my little slice of couch with a stretch, yawn, and a few joints popping into position. After walking to the bathroom to take care of my morning routine I returned and sat down to evaluate my prospects for the day. Time on deck is... Where's the clock... Screw it, I'll just use my phone. I reached into my bag and recovered the device. I held the button and waited for it to finish it's start up. While I waited my mind crossed over the things I could cover with Princess Sparkle. There was only so much I could cover without proper lecturing, and I didn't know if my poor hand could survive the strain of another day of constant chalkboard writing.

The phone emitted it's typical tones, and the screen lit up, displaying it to be a pleasant seven fifteen in the morning. I took a moment to put in my password and scroll through it. After a whole day and one half of inactivity, the battery was at eighty seven percent and charging. nice. That would probably last me at least until nightfall, since it wasn't constantly sucking power to internet apps. As I scrolled I looked over my buttons and widgets before an idea wormed it's way into my head. I quite a few books in my e-reader from college. Books filled to the brim with all kinds of philosophical and political knowledge. Some of my favorites, Augustine, Aquinas, Cicero, they were all in there.

This is going to blow her mind.

With a plan set in my mind, I finally noticed the mysterious silence around me. No sounds of my lovely landlady or her daughter fixing breakfast from the kitchen, nor the familiar rustles of bags being packed for school or work. I looked around and found a note I had missed during my search for the clock. It read that the pair had gone to a sort of field trip, and didn't want to disturb my sleep. Breakfast was in the fridge. Aww. How sweet of them... I went into the kitchen to check for the promised food and...

Oh.

A fruit salad.

Again.

Well, when in Rome... Seriously, though. I need some meat, and not just for protein. I have the supplements for that. I miss the taste of a good cooked slab of animal muscle. Freaking herbivores. I remember mention that the griffons eat meat... maybe it's not too uncommon for other races to hunt lesser creatures for food. Would that mean griffons hunt and sell local human meat? Would it be... I glanced out the window to see a human and her owner walking down the road, apparently out for a morning 'trot'. The human's eyes were dull and uninterested, as always, but her gait and features were so hauntingly similar to my own... and a few that weren't but familiar all the same!

Nope. Not going there. Animals or not, I'm not going to even consider that line. It would be like... like... like eating a dog! It would be... Inhumane, ironically enough. I shook the idea from my mind. I had enough to think about over the possible implications of pseudo-cannibalism. With my morning appetite for bacon ruined by the idea of long pork, I ate my fruit in peace and quiet, enjoying the serenity of the calm, autumn day. I'd need to ask Derpy or the princess when winter was expected to come so I could commission some winter clothes. Now that I thought about finances, I wonder if I could talk Derpy into building an expansion on the house so I could have an actual room, and not just the living room couch. That would be a long ways off, though. Probably not the best thing to bring up on my first week of residency.

Before long the fruit was gone and I was set for the day. Clad in my suit, and phone securely in my pocket, I left the house, intently ignoring the small crowd of onlookers and purported scientists looking to analyze the human anomaly in his natural habitat. I crossed town and got to the castle with little issue, guards Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb actually recognizing me this time and letting me inside. Princess Sparkle gave me a friendly greeting and we entered the council chamber once more.

"So what will we be discussing today?" she inquired as she settled into her throne with a cup of what I assumed to be coffee by the look and smell. A cup that sat opposite of her for me to take was filled with a mercifully light, almost sweet brand of tea. Rather than write on the chalkboard for her, as I had done the previous day, I simply wrote her a note.

I'm afraid my hand won't survive another day of intensive chalkboard writing like we had yesterday, so I've decided on a new tactic.

She briefly looked disappointed before perking up, "So what is the new plan?"

Literature

At my response the princess' eyes lit up with both excitement and confusion. Before she could voice the inevitable question I was already writing the response.

On my phone is a compilation of e-books that are the foundation of a liberal arts education.
Today's lessons will comprise of reading those until the battery runs out. we can discuss what we'll do next after that.

As the princess read my note, I retrieved the said device from it's place in my pocket and placing it on the table. Once done with the writing, Princess Sparkle immediately zeroed in on the small glass and plastic communicator, almost hovering over it in excitement. I realized as her questions began firing off faster than my brain could register them how deep that hole I just dug myself was. I stared into the abyss, and it, in return, stared in to me.

"So how does it work?" was the question I managed to catch through the torrent of inquiries. Shaking my head, partly for humor and partly to clear it, I reach over to where the purple princess had snatched my phone. Without pausing to write an explanation, I unlocked the phone, swiped across a few screens, and opened the app. It was a simple book app that I had for my philosophy reading on the go, but now it was my only real literature from my world short of the New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs, courtesy of the Gideons. I must have had at least thirty writings from Plato to Kant. Hell, I even had the Communist Manifesto in there for reference purposes. If there was a "classic hits" collection for philosophy, it would be my little digital library... that Princess Sparkle was now furiously tapping with her hoof. Elegant.

"So much in such a tiny device!" She marveled, "Amazing! I wish I had a few of these, it would make sorting the library much easier, although I suppose it would make checking out books a bit more difficult." She giggled as I opened a digital copy of Plato's The Republic, translated for convenience, and wrote on my note pad again.

Our lesson for today will be to read the founding book of western political and philosophical thought.

She read my note, then looked to the phone. Her eyes squinted as she thought before responding. "As much as I want to dive into your books as soon as possible, I'm not sure if I could read it all just on that little device." I nodded. She did have a point. It would be very tough to read off my phone for a whole day, as well as the fact she would have to be very careful when scrolling to keep from scratching the screen with her hoof, screen protector be damned. I looked between the phone and the princess once more, deep in thought. I scribbled a note to demonstrate my conundrum.

It would be hard to do it. It would be easier if I just had the book, but this was just about the only thing on me when I got here.

The princess read my note, then looked back to my phone. Suddenly a spark of inventiveness flashed in her eye, "Actually, I have an idea! I have a spell that should be able to copy the text from the screen and write out it's contents in a blank book." I raised a suspicious eyebrow. "What? It's used for librarians and chroniclers who need to preserve old texts... aaand maybe to make a few personal copies from the Canterlot archives during freshman year..." She had the decency to blush at her admission. I crossed my arms and thought. It was convenient. Too convenient some might say. Hell, it might not even work. If it did, how long? Would it damage my phone? My eyes closed as I pondered the situation. So many variables to consider. So much at stake. It's not like there's a Samsung kiosk in the marketplace I could go to for magical mishaps.

If it did work though... So much knowledge, so little effort, and my wrist would be spared countless days of arduous writing. It was pretty convenient, but sounded pretty complex. I took a sip of my tea and dedicated strong thought to my options. Months of painful transcribing two thousand year old words reduced to maybe a day of no work at all... all at the potential cost of the most concentrated point of knowledge on the planet. I sighed at my plight, just before my stream of consciousness was derailed at the, now tell-tale, sound of magic. I opened my eyes and saw my phone levitating in air, encased in Princess Sparkle's iconic magenta glow, with a blank book slowly being filled in in plain English the beginning of Socrates' dialogue with Cephalus. a small bit of magic was caressing the front of the phone, acting as a finger, while a little quill excitedly scribbled the text. And behind it all was the dear princess, looking on with fascination...

That little bitch...

My displeasure at the current turn of events must have been clear from my less-than-pleased disposition. Is regicide illegal here? Of course it is. The question is: Could they prove it? I could always play the dumb human card. Drift into the background. Blend in with the trogs out on the street. I could look the part, just roll around in some mud and feces for a bit, they'll never tell the difference. I'd have to lose the suit though. That'd be a shame. I like this suit. Very sturdy and well made. I have the other ones commissioned too. It'd be disrespectful to Rarity to just cancel all that work she must be going through putting them together. And my feet? Far too fragile to just walk around barefoot for the rest of my life. Nah. I suppose a good ass chewing will suffice.

One LONG discussion on respecting people's property that I would think a princess would know, but clearly needed a reminder on, we stepped out for a gentle walk around Ponyville. The spell worked fine and there seemed to be little effect on my phone other than it seemed to stop losing charge in the magic's grasp, further cementing my theory magic was some sort of electro-magnetic wave-sort of thing... Physical science and political science are very different subjects... The thing could be set to go and and left alone. The princess' little pet... lizard... butler... thing... would be keeping an eye on it. She continued to refer to him as a dragon, and I did watch him breath magic fire, so I suppose a 'grounded drake' he was then, but I still needed to figure out the relationship between them. After some careful prodding on the subject Princess Sparkle revealed he was akin to a little brother to her, despite the differentiation in species. The circumstances of his hatching made her far too young to act as a mother figure, so the Sparkle family apparently just adopted him as a sibling, where he took upon the personal responsibility to help his ‘big sister’ out by becoming her number one assistant.

Cute story. Gives me the warm fuzzies.

We continued to cross Ponyville to a small cafe to sit and enjoy a light brunch. We had a light conversation with questions I could answer in one quick note and a few hand gestures. When our food arrived, hers a garden salad with quite a few more flowers than I felt ready to attempt to digest and mine a plate of steamed carrots, I began to dig in with a resigned sigh. Yay. More veggies. Filled with fiber and nutrients.
Necessary for the human body. Delicious…

I miss bacon…

We decided to discuss the history and politics of Equestria to pass some time and get me up to speed on the status of the nation now. I ate in silence, occasionally giving short questions or comments. It was fairly intriguing, if sparse. Even accounting for the fact it was a general overview of one thousand years of history over a brunch, there seemed to be huge, unexplained gaps, with well recorded history going back only about one hundred years. Given the princess’s scholastic background, I would expect her to be more knowledgeable on the subject than the standard pony, so if there are such gaps in her knowledgeable, how much more history is lost on the populace? Interesting, if not disappointing.

Our one-sided conversation continued until I saw a familiarly dome-shaped hat out of the corner of my eye. I held up a hand to pause Princess Twilight's speech and waved over Professor Found. The stallion happily trotted over as my gaze lingered for a moment longer on an alley that lied just across the way. I know I saw something rushing in the shadows. They wouldn't be bold enough to strike in the presence of a princess, and they might not even be interested in me. Hell I didn't even know what it was, it could have been a big dog, or a particularly finnicky troglodyte looking for scraps. No telling. Nothing to get worked up over anyway.

The princess and the professor shared a pleasant conversation about humans that I was more than happy to use to distract me from my sudden spike in paranoia. The rest of the morning went swimmingly as the delightfully British pony gushed over all of his different findings. Then he brought something up that caught my attention. "I just wish the Everfree Forest Pacification Initiative was faster going. There are some fascinating observations on the few instances of wild humans appearing."

I leaned in, emphasizing my interest in the subject. "Oh! I suppose this sort of thing would be right up your alley, Peter!" Dr. Found continued, "Well there seems to be an upswing of activity in the humans of the forest. It has offered an unprecedented look into how they adapt to the threats to the threats and randomness of the forest, or at least it would if the humanitarian society in Canterlot truly cared about their actual field of study. As it stands it serves as a social club for 'fanciers' in the nobility, and they their ideas firmly stuck in the sand on the advancement of human affairs."

"What ideas are those?" The princess asked.

"That humans are static creatures, unchanging beasts good for little more than companionship and labor, despite my clear evidence that they have progressed more in the past five hundred years than any other non-sapient creature could have in one thousand!" The good doctor removed his helmet, wiping his brow while his tone grew more frustrated as he spoke, "They refuse my research, trash my theories, and ignore my inquiries! I-I... I..." He let out a great huff and hung his head, "I've all but given up on the Society in Canterlot. I'm hoping to form a new society either here in Ponyville or in the Crystal Empire. I've heard tell their ideas on humans are vastly different from our own, what with being one thousand years behind." He then began regaling Princess Twilight with his ideas and theories, but my attention had already drifted off to the subject of the Everfree Forest. Even with my limited exposure to what will now be known in my subconscious as lion-bat-scorpion-demon-land, I could tell there was something about the humans there. My first experience with them was... stressful, but when I think about it, there was a small mound of evidence there was more to those... creatures... than met the eye. Maybe even worth further investigation, if it wasn't for the aforementioned demons. Maybe one could come to me? Sure, just wander into town, right up to the castle and politely say hello. Spot of tea and crumpets too?

I stifled a throaty chuckle at the scenario playing out in my head. Still... I would have to put in some time for research into them... at some point... On top of all the other things I wanted to get done... I'll do it... eventually... stupid forest... Our conversation soon came to a close and the princess and I finished up our lesson. We returned to the castle, running into Derpy fresh off her mail job and she joined us back at the castle. The transcribing process was about half done, but I suppose that was enough for a few lessons, and we would always have more time on my next visit. The princess shut down the spell, and I collected my device. Spike was more than happy to let us take over what he had determined was 'marginally more exciting than watching paint dry'. The little guy tried to take a crack at the Socratic Method unprepared. Poor, lizardy bastard... I'll have to tutor him at some point. Probably after I have a place of my own, but before I work on that Everfree project.

"Oh wow! So many pages in such a short time! I can't wait to get into this!" The princess gushed as she looked over the pile of papers that had accumulated in our absence. It was rather impressive. I wondered if the spell was including all the footnotes and references... If it was a direct transcription spell it probably would, for however much good that would do us. References to works that don't exist here... truly a tragic loss for knowledge. Still, at least we have this much. I wrote out a note to interrupt Twilight's outburst.

Princess, I realize that you're excited, but remember that these texts are not just light novels.
You need to take your time and read carefully to understand the context and deeper meanings.
These men are considered the wisest and most learned in four thousand years of recorded human history.

Princess Sparkle read the note, but I got the distinct impression that my message didn't get across one hundred percent as this astounded grin cracked across her face. "F-four thousand years?" I heard her whisper. I drew closer to try to hea- "FOUR THOUSAND YEARS!?" Okay... Ow... "Your people have four thousand years worth of recorded history!?" I shrugged and put down another note.

Thereabouts, but the earliest records are hardly a good standard.
Mostly ancient receipts for trading transactions and a few war stories.
After that is religious texts based off mostly oral tradition. I think.

"Still, to have any written records from that long ago, while the Hearth's Warming Eve story was only put to pen a few hundred. Most ponies don't even know of ancient unicorns past Starswirl the Bearded, and you've told me about people who would have been alive before Celestia was even born!" Well, Alexander the Great and Julius Caesar are pretty important figures in history. "There's just so much we don't know about the past, and Celestia is always so cryptic about what she knows. Like she wants us to figure it out ourselves..." She sighed in defeat. I absentmindedly scratched the back of my head, not knowing what to say. It was her history after all. Ultimately I put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder, which was joined by Derpy, who had been quietly trying to forge her own path into an adventure novel from the library. I gently tapped my previous note about taking the book slowly and tossed a thumb over my shoulder, indicating I was going to head out for the day. She gave a nod and Derpy and I left, After the pegasus asked to check out the book she had been reading, of course.

With plenty of day left we went out into town to collect Dinky from school. She was a bounding ball of energy on the way home, but we did get a few things at the market for dinner. Mostly more vegetables... yay... but I did manage to discover the usage of eggs by ponies for food stuffs, and, in a completely controlled and non-wasteful way, bought three dozen of the little shell coated treasures. In my completely non-hysterical thanking of God's divine mercy, I almost missed a conversation between Derpy and the vendor.

"You know, it's not good to feed your human too much animal goods. I hear it can mess with their bowels something fierce, especially if they're on protein supplements already..." This is the second time today I have had to plan to dig a pony sized grave. Is that bad of me? I shouldn't think murder is my go-to for problem solving, but this bint did just try to ruin my possible meat-inclusive diet. It's only been a few days, but I was raised in the land of gratuitous sized meat meals, and God dammit if I didn't want something with more substance than fucking broccoli. Fortunately for the continued good health of the salesperson, Derpy would have none of it.

"Thanks, but Peter is a very special human.. He's the one from another world, and he assured me his people eat meat all the time. I'm sure it will be fine."

"Oh yeah, he is the weird one, ain't he?"

"W-well, I suppose to us he's pretty strange, but he's really a great person when you get to know him."

"I'm sure, I'm sure. Though if his diet does allow for more meat, I may be able to get a few special orders from the Griffon Kingdom. I've got a contact that has fallen on some rough times so I can squeal a good deal out of them. They still charge a good bit, but it's better than any vendor around here can provide." Heavenly Lord, bless this pony with mercy and kindness... Wait...

No human meat

The pair looked to my note and gave a questioning look for a moment, then the vendor laughed while Derpy paled at the realization, quite a feat to be seen through her fur. "Hoo, don't worry there, bucko, the Griffon Kingdom doesn't use humans for meat anymore. Haven't for a few decades now. Outlawed by the last queen before King Guto came to power. Officially the meat of the humans in the Griffonstone and the rest of the kingdom was tainted, and would cause sickness. Rumor mills, however, say that she was actually trying to protect her favored pet human.. perhaps more than a pet? Hmm."

Derpy and I had the decency to blush, the grey mare sputtering, "M-Marigold! Don't talk about such things in front of Dinky!"

"Oops! sorry," The stall vendor rubbed the back of her head, "Sorry. She's so small and quiet, sometimes I forget she's even there."

"It's fine." Derpy sighed, "We should be getting home now. Thanks for the eggs! We'll have to talk more on that special order you were talking about!" With that we started the trek home. I entertained Dinky on the way back and helped her with some homework when we got there. By the time that was done dinner was ready and we ate. Derpy had taken the initiative to use our acquired eggs to make a special dish for me, which was immensely appreciated. With a belly full of carbs and protein, a quick brushing of my teeth, and a swift change into my toga-like sleepwear, I settled on my couch to rest up for the next day. I had that formal interview with Dr. Found, an overview on Socrates, Plato, and Ancient Greece with Princess Sparkle, and possibly a- What the hell?

Was there something in the window? What was... Oh! An owl! Lovely night creatures, if not a bit noisy. And apparently clutching a letter... Hogwarts much? Either way the guy seemed incessant on getting in, so I can only assume it was for one of us. I went over to the window, opened it and cautiously let the bird in. If this thing tries to crap on my couch it's got another thing coming to it. The feathered messenger dropped it's cargo on an end table and sat on the mantle, staring expectantly. Giving it a good look, I moved to the paper scroll and unfurled it.

Dear Peter,
Please hurry back over tomorrow, I know you said to read the book slowly and carefully, but I couldn't resist and now I'm in too deep and I don't know what's going on or how to interpret what anyone is saying! It started on a discussion of Justice and then they startedtalkingaboutboatsandpilotsandgymnasticsandgodsandconventionandIcan'tseewhatthepointofanythingisandI'mreallyconfusedsopleasecomequickandhelpme!!!
Signed, Princess Twilight Sparkle

I had to stifle a chuckle reading her frenzied report before quickly writing a response promising to be there in the afternoon, after my meeting with Dr. Found, and advising her to just re-read the first part again and meditate on what the implications of the dialogue are. That should keep her from burning down a rock castle long enough for me to finish my business with the good doctor and move in to give her the tutelage she so craved. I gave the reply to the owl, who stared at me for a good minute. Longer than what I felt was comfortable. Longer than what most people would find comfortable... What do you want, a tip?

The bird seemed to get the hint when I gave it a bit of the stink eye, and flew off. I, satisfied with this development, closed the window after catching what I assume was the rustle of the owl flying through the tree, and went back to bed... couch... I needed a better place to lay my head. I hoped my first paycheck comes soon. Too much longer on this thing and my back was going to go out.

Author's Note

Huzzah! I have finished my chapter, and only a full month after I had been hoping to. Truly, I am the grand masterpiece of laziness. But with finals coming up, and the subsequent graduation from college, I hope to be able to actually dedicate time and thought to this fic. I still struggle with some of the small details in slower scenes, so sometimes I end up rushing through them without putting anything really meaningful in them, but there is a point in this story I'm trying to get to, and I hope it will be easier going then.