So my dreams have been fairly standard for me for the past few weeks, you know, surreal, yet grounded in reality. Just with ponies. That kind of stuff. So I wasn't shocked or concerned when I realized the chair I was in wasn't just a rocking chair, but a captain's rocking chair. I was also wearing a fancy captain's hat, and was rocking in front of a table. All seemed well. Should probably inspect the deck. Go on an adventure. Sounds like it's raining. Fun.

A flash of lightning and suddenly there appears a large deep purple pony before me. Almost blue, I think. No, probably blue. Dark-grayish blue. Also, she was big and and alicorn. I don't think I'd seen a pony like this one before. She was wearing a cloak of some sort, hiding her cutie mark. She had a mysterious air about her... This was new...

"So this is the dream of a human..." The figure said, looking about the cabin, "Fascinating..."

"Well, I am from another world." I said, standing from my chair, trying to look impressive. I'm not entirely sure it worked. The figure regarded me with curiosity.

"Indeed your mind would appear to be... substantially different from even pony dreams. I find it hard to sustain my presence here, as if some force is attempting to retch control." The cloaked mare looked about, searching for the invisible force.

"Oh sorry." I said, "That's me. I was trying to change you into a more human form, but you really aren't a product of my dream. You must be Princess Luna, Ruler of the Night, so I've been told."

"My reputation proceeds me, I see." The mare bowed, allowing her cloak to fade away, revealing her crescent moon cutie mark and be-speckled space mane/tail combo. Lightning flashed behind her in a dramatic flare that often occurs in my dreams. Four years of high school drama does things to a guy. "And I am told you are Equestria's newest citizen."

"Resident alien, technically." I corrected, "And to what do I owe the pleasure of this audience in my own mind?" I asked with only a small bit of bite, to let her know I had opinions about her abilities. If she detected it she showed no sign, as she strode forward regally.

"While I normally reserve this ability to quell the terrors that haunt my subjects' dreams, I am here for a twofold purpose. First I am here to meet with you personally, an opportunity that has been denied to me due to pressing duties in Canterlot. Second, I am here to inform you of your current condition." She charged up a spell, only for it to fizzle out. She tried again, only for similar results.

"Opps!" I jumped slightly, "Sorry, that was me again." I loosened my grasp on my dream some more, the alien sensation of having another consciousness in my head making for a sort of queasy, yet cool feeling. Like being drunk and chewing on peppermint gum. With my control relinquished the princess' magic flared up, producing a fairly flat cloud, upon which images began to appear. It looked like a hospital room, but a little more colorful. I was laying in a surprisingly me-sized bed, with advice posters on the wall and even a few-

God damnit they took me to the vet again. Don't get me wrong, Sweet Touch is a fine doctor in her own right, and after our last farewell I'd like to think of her as a friend, but seriously! It's just the... indignity... Oh! But I do have my clothes this time! That's good.

"According to Twilight you were recovered from the edge of the Everfree Forest." She narrated, "From there she and the Royal Guard on scene discussed about how to proceed before Dr. Sweet Touch intervened, saying she already had a medical file for you and had you brought to her clinic. Since then you have been under her watch for several hours. I understand a Mrs. Hooves and her daughter have been at your side for some time."

Derpy and Dinky are good folks. I should apologize for all the trouble I've caused them. Wait... "What about the humans?" I queried.

"Pardon?" The princess countered.

"The humans that escaped into the Everfree. Did anyone see where they went?" I pressed. The images shifted back to when I was recovered. I was lying against a tree alone.

"I'm afraid the Royal Guard was too busy dealing with the more hostile humans and their handlers to chase any too deep into the forest. A few wanted to investigate, but they had to be brought back." The images changed and shifted to reflect her words. The head of the group of guards looked familiar. Couldn't place it, but I know I'd seen him before... Strange... My thoughts were interrupted by the alicorn, "If that is all, my little human, I'm afraid I must return to my duties, and bid you farewell." She trotted backwards to put some distance between us.

"Alright. Goodbye, Princess. Here's to hoping to meet you in the waking world." I said. She smiled and nodded before rearing up in sync with another lightning strike before slamming onto the deck, her robe collapsing onto the floor.

... She straight up Obi-Wan Kenobi'ed be...

Awesome.

It was at this point the dream decided to continue, with the door of my cabin being slammed open by First Mate Dinky.

"Sir! Enemy ship off to starboard! She's coming into range!" She cried.

I stood tall, straightening my coat and captain's hat before striding out into the storm. I looked over my crew, all familiar faces. My trusted Lieutenants, Sparkle and Hooves, along with a hearty crew of friends, all fighting the elements to keep the ship on course. She was a fine ship too, finest frigate in the Navy. Her sails no doubt put fear in the hearts of any and all sailors who gazed upon their sigil, a bright red hand. I strode over to the side deck and spotted our quarry. It was a vessel nearly matched to our size, bearing a golden crest upon it's banners. It was harassing a smaller ship, a sloop from our fleet that had been tossed a bit from the storm raging above. We closed in on our target, before I bellowed my commands.

"Turn About! Prepare for broadside, starboard!" I watched as the sailors whirled into motion as the ship pitched to the side and cannon was made ready. I then felt a firm grasp on my shoulder. Felt it... Like, not as a part of the dream, but-

"You best be careful, friend." A distinctly familiar voice whispered, "I took that voice for a reason, best not go too crazy with it."

"FIRE!" Bellowed Lieutenant Sparkle, and the cannon roared to life.

I shot up in shock as the thunder outside my window struck, immediately flaring soreness in my chest. I groaned and laid back down, feeling my throat rumble. Sure enough the room, though dark, was just as was revealed in the dream. It was an exam room in the vet's clinic, though it looked like some alterations had been made for me. Ahh, doc. Though our initial meeting was... awkward... you've been a good friend. A throbbing pain not dissimilar to a bad hangover raged in my head cut short more pleasant thoughts, though.

"Jesus Christ, someone get the number of the fuck wagon that rode me to shit town..." I reached over to to a glass of water kindly left by the bedside and took a gentle sip while nursing the pain in my...

Wait...

"WHAT!?" A raspy, but familiar voice emerged from my mouth, "My voice! I can talk! I got my voice back!" I gave a great cheer and began to jump, before pain shot through my body once more. "AHHG! Fucking pig snorting Bastard that hurts! Jesus, Mary, and fucking Joseph! God Damnit!" I petered out into ball of groaning pain before letting my head slump to the side...

And saw two princesses, Derpy, and Dinky, whose ears were covered, standing in the doorway of a lit hallway, staring in shock. My internal and new/old external voice spoke in perfect harmony.

"Oh, fuck me."

Several minutes later the ponies had managed to process what had happened, get me some painkillers, and and sat around me once I had calmed down. Mostly. The whole 'I can talk!' thing still had me on a pretty good high, which was being passed on through to the ponies. They really are empathetic little creatures.

"Lessons will be so much better now!" Princess Sparkle cried.

I chuckled, "Yes, and I can save a bundle on ink, paper, and chalk." My voice was still raspy, and would probably stay that way until it was properly broken in, still, it was better than growls and chirps. Once it patched itself up there would be great celebrations indeed. I tried singing a scale, but my tones were still flat and toneless.

"I'm sure Pinkie will want to throw a party to celebrate this." the princess smiled warmly, "Is there anything in particular you'd like?"

I thought for a bit... "Derpy and Dinky, of course." I sort of said, sort of coughed. The two nodded emphatically to show support. "And really whoever Pinkie wants. She missed out on throwing me a proper 'Pinkie Pie party'. I think I'll be up for it in a few days."

The princess beamed at my response. "That's great. I'll tell her in the morning, and she'll probably have it ready by the afternoon if I let her, but I'll tell her to take a few days to get it just right for you."

"Sounds good."

"I love that we can hold a regular conversation now." Derpy piped in, "All the pauses to wait for your responses got really tiring."

"Was it really that bad?" I asked.

"We didn't want to say, but it made talking really boring." Dinky answered for her mother, who gave her a scornful gaze, "Sorry..."

I chuckled, "It's okay, Dinky. I get it."

"I can honestly say that I am very excited to see what this new development will bring, Mr. Williams." The other Princess stepped forwards, causing everyone else to jump to the side to make room.

"Me too, Princess Celestia. I don't know how this will play out, but I definitely have a few things to work on." I leaned back, thinking over the newest developments in my life.

"And what is that?" She queried.

"Well, for one, I need to move up the date for Dr. Found's expedition into the Everfree. I now know that there is at least one group of intelligent humans there, and they are close." I let the surprised gasps die down and the subsequent prys for more before speaking again, "One was spying on me when we were kidnapped, then her friends helped get us away from that carnival of horrors. I know I heard them speak. What they said is blurry, but I know they spoke."

"Fascinating." Princess Sparkle muttered, rubbing her chin and clearly making plans of her own, "We should move up our human studies projects as well. We have everypony on our team picked out, so we should get underway soon."

"Right. We can get on that as soon as I'm up and mobile." I chuckle/coughed again, "Imagine the team's surprise when they get the opportunity to work with a real talking human!"

We all shared a good laugh before Dr. Sweet Touch, who had managed to ninja her way into the room moved up, "Yes, I'm sure it will be hilarious. Really, Mr. Williams, if you keep this kind of behavior up I'm going to have to put a room on standby for you."

"Sorry, doc." I gave a shameful smile to her, "I swear I'd avoid it if I had a choice in the matter. Despite popular belief, I don't like to be in pain."

"Could have fooled me," she responded with a gentle smile, "but in all seriousness, you need some bed rest. We didn't find any major injuries, thank goodness, but you should still sleep. We'll give you a final checkup before you go tomorrow morning."

I nodded, "Alright, you guys heard the doctor. Everybody out and let me rest. My voice is starting to grate my throat, anyway." I started to shoo them away, before I found a small sort-of purple unicorn wrapping her hooves as far around me as they could reach.

"We were really worried about you, Mr. Williams." Dinky's voice warbled from my chest. I responded by gently stroking her mane, reassuring her I wasn't leaving her. Derpy and Princess Sparkle looked on with concern as well as the child continued, "When you didn't come home, we were scared you'd really gotten hurt, and when Princess Twilight told us you'd been kidnapped I was so scared." I felt her shake a few sobs out. Wow. Now I felt like a dick. I chased the red haired girl. I'd gotten us kidnapped and thrown into the fighting ring. It was really all my fault. Damnit.

"It's alright, Dinky." I rattled in my straining voice, "Everything's okay. I'm right here." We stayed like that for a few minutes until the little unicorn cried herself to sleep, where Derpy took her and whispered that they'd be back in the morning to pick me up with a fresh set of clothes. I nodded and said my thanks for everyone coming out for me as they were escorted out of the room. Dr. Sweet Touch nodded to me and said goodnight before closing the door, leaving me to lay my head down with raging thoughts and the gentle sound of rain pattering on my window to lull me back into the realms of sleep.

My sleep was dreamless for the remainder of the evening, and I was awoken by Nurse Soft Heart, who had brought a fresh cup of water and a small stack of doughnuts. Kind mare, she was. Kind mare. I hoarsely thanked her, causing an amusing jump and a few chuckles. She left me to get the clinic ready for the day, so I spent the morning eating breakfast while gazing out my window in thought. I had a lot more to do now. Before it was politics and philosophy classes with Twilight, and the occasional lab exam on the side, but now... The humans in the Everfree change everything.

How to proceed... Definitely need to make contact again, preferably under less... murdery circumstances. Meanwhile we also should step up our research on the local humans. It was just going to be a pet project of mine, but the chance of sentient humans living among us was too high to ignore. Either more humans were popping over from Earth than just Richard and I, or something was causing local humans to rise to something above the troglodytes I initially thought of them as. So, expeditions into the forest where I have almost died twice, on top of kick starting a major scientific endeavor. Neat. Okay, one thing at a time. I can leave the sciency stuff in the capable hooves of Princess Sparkle and our new team of researchers. I just need to make sure they're not sticking things in places they ought not every now and again.

The expeditions, then. Right. Into the forest. Right... I really didn't want to go back in there. I swear if I saw another manticore in my whole life, it would be one too many. Still, if those dangers in the trees hid a society of humans stable enough to send infiltrators into pony society, then it might be worth the effort. There were so many possibilities... Too many to ignore...

Damnit. I have to go in there.

Okay, so equipment. First off, I'm getting a crew, with guards. No way am I getting caught unprepared again. Need a weapon, durable, but breathable clothes, rations. Camping equipment is a must, no telling how long we'll be in there. Tents, matches, mess kit, maybe even some- ARE THOSE THE CRUSADERS FLYING AT MY-

"SHIT FUCK!" I quickly ducked to the side, just as four frightened fillies flew fabulously through my fucking window, launched from their just-crashed wagon. My swift action saved me any extra care, but the groaning from the pile of small ponies in the center of the room quickly drew my attention. "Jesus Christ, kids, are you okay!?" my voice was still raspy and cracked, but my concern was carried none the less. They groaned an affirmative as Soft Heart rushed back into the room.

"What in Equestria is wrong with you girls!?" She cried. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle looked sufficiently shamed as Applebloom stepped forward.

"Ahm sorry, Mrs. Soft Heart. We jus' heard Mr. Williams was doin' better an wanted to visit him before he went home, but then the turtle was in the road, and Scoots was goin' too fast-"

"No Excuses!" The nurse shouted the filly into silence, "Look at this mess! And you probably scared Mr. Williams half to death."

"You can say that again. Just glad I don't have my pants yet." I grunted.

The nurse turned a harsh look my direction before returning to the children, "You three will stay here and clean up this mess while your sisters come to pick you up, then you are going to apologize to Mr. Williams. Then I'm going to have a talk with your sisters about how you all will work off that window you broke." Wow, she really was laying into them. Glad I wasn't on the receiving end of that. Maybe I should just reduce my current involvement. I slowly sidestepped out of the room as Soft Heart continued her rant, gently closing the door behind me, Where I found Dr. Sweet Touch trotting down the hallway.

"Ah, good morning, Peter!" She greeted, "Did that crash just come from your room?"

"Yeah, it did." I answered.

The mare sighed, "What did you break now?"

"Nothing! Why would you think it was me!?" I asked in indignation.

"Well, who else could it be?" She calmly responded. I opened the door to allow her to see Soft Heart as she finished scolding. Upon seeing the fillies she just sighed again, apologized, and went along. It wasn't as surprising as one might think, I'd been here the better part of a month and had heard all about those little girls and their chaotic habits. We made our way to the front of the clinic, where I sat, humming to myself. I asked the good doctor for a cup of tea and honey, since my time in high school theater had taught me it's curative properties on the throat. We sat at the front, lightly chatting over tea and coffee, until Derpy came in around nine.

"Good morning, everypony, how are you all doing?" She asked

"Pretty well, Ms. Doo." I said, though it still sounded a bit like a growl, "Could have gone without the terrible threesome nearly giving me a heart attack, but I'm back on my feet, and I can talk, so my day is starting pretty well, all things considered."

She gave me a gentle smile, "Oh dear, they didn't try their trick with the wagon again, did they?"

"Well, this time they're not covered in tree sap, and all it will cost them is a broken window this time." We shared a light chuckle.

"Did you bring my clothes?" I asked. I was very eager to actually get everything back.

"Yes, I brought one of Rarity's latest ones. She said they should be more comfortable now that she's gotten more used to your proportions." She dropped the bag on her back to the floor and retrieved the clothes, even bringing out a new set of durable-looking shoes.

"Well, happy day!" I almost shouted, though coming out it sounded more like a cough, "What about my old stuff?"

"Rarity said she would do what she could, but..." the pegasus looked down disappointingly, "I'm afraid she doesn't think she can really fix it and make it look good."

"That's alright." I chuckled, "I wanted it more for sentimental value anyway. That shirt has seen me through some rough times recently." She perked up and I quickly got changed in a bathroom. After a change that would make Superman look twice, Derpy walked up to the front desk, "Dr. Touch, I hate to be in a hurry, but Dinky wanted to make a coming home meal for Peter, and while I don't think she could burn the house down with a fruit salad, I really should get back." The good doctor nodded and handed me the paperwork I had put off until my roommate/landlady arrived. As I sat down and filled it out, we saw the the crusaders being led out of the office, having cleaned the mess the made and looking thoroughly chastised. As they left, though, I spied through the door a tell tale glint of golden armor. The Guard... Probably wanted question me on the events of my little adventure. I quickly finished my paperwork and turned it all in before approaching the door. I paused to collect my thoughts and prepare myself. Showtime. Derpy walked out the door with me in tow when, sure enough, the guardspony made a beeline straight for us.

"Excuse me, Mis. Hooves, Mr. Williams? I need to speak with you both." He spoke in a softer tone than most of the other guards we've shared words with. He's probably a new recruit.

I stepped forward passed Derpy and cleared my throat, "I'll be happy to answer any questions you might have, officer." I took no small amusement at the guard's shocked face. Yeah, that's right. This Mr. Ed shit is happening, real life, real time. I basked in this profound awe for a minute before striding forward, "Come on, we can chat over breakfast, or at least on the way there." And so, with stunned pony in tow, Derpy and I crossed town to home. "So, how much do I need to cover?" I asked, turning so I could make sure the guard heard me.

"Everything and everything you can remember. A good number of culprits were caught, but at least some slipped through." Ah, yes. My kidnappers-turned-victims. I actually kind of hoped they were doing well. But more important matters at hand.

"What about the humans?" My voice graveled out. I focused on the conversation, but that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy the startled looks of the odd passerby.

"Well, the ones that could be returned to their owners were taken back." The gold armored stallion answered.

"And the rest?" I pressed him.

"Well... the Guard usually has ex-fighting strays... put down... but this time there was a change of plan." The guard trotted up to my side so I could see him, "Princess Twilight said she would take them all on. She's even converting a small section of her castle into a sort of pound for stray humans." I raised my eyebrows in genuine surprise, "I know, right? I would have thought she'd turn them over to Applejack, since she already runs her own little human ranch, but then she mentioned trying some tests on them. Everything made sense at that point."

I shared a chuckle with the guardspony, "Yeah, she is a bit over the top with her science stuff. Took me two hours to convince her that a standard mouth thermometer was more than enough to get my temperature." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Derpy, content to walk and listen to us talk, blush and giggle as well. "I'm surprised the guard captain let her get away with that. Every time I've seen that guy he seemed to be a bit more than eager to put down any human in sight."

"Oh, he didn't." I saw a cheeky grin split the stallion's face, "Captain High Rise demanded that all the humans recovered to be put down, but Princess Twilight countermanded him. He threw a fit and tried to say that his authority came from the Princess herself, but she ordered him to go back to Canterlot. He put up a fight at first, but then she threatened to write Princess Celestia personally, and that got him to shut up. Some of the guards from Canterlot tried to speak up for him, but they got the stiff treatment as well. It was pretty funny."

"I'm surprised you'd talk about your own Captain like that..." I said, eyebrow raised.

The pegasus guard barked out a laugh, "Ha! That windbag isn't my CO. He really did get shipped back to Canterlot, along with the rest of his cronies. Princess Twilight told Princess Celestia she would be drawing new guards directly from Ponyville!" He suddenly trotted ahead of Derpy and I before turning about and pulling up his helmet, "I'm actually surprised you guys didn't recognize my voice!" As the helmet rose the orange-ish coat underneath revaled-

"Sea Breeze!?" Derpy cried suddenly, giving me a jump, "Wha- You- You're a Guard now!?"

"Yup," The pegasus chirped, "Part of the first group to be inducted by Princess Sparkle, with the approval of Mayor Mare herself!"

I gave the little pegasus an approving nod, "Congratulations." He beamed back at me with pride. I recognized that look before. The innocence. The motivation. The hope to make a change. He was the most adorable little Boot I'd ever seen. "This day is just full of surprises."

Sea Breeze, now Officer Breeze I supposed, replaced his helmet and we continued down the road, "Yes well, I still need your story on how everything played out that night."

"Oh, yeah. Right." I should probably get back to that. I cleared my throat, "So I was on my way to Princess Sparkle's castle, minding my own business, when..."

Author's Note

[The author can be seen emerging from his den after a long spring's nap, prepared to take on his literary world]

[But, upon seeing how much time has passed with no progress made whatsoever, he quickly begins writing words at an alarming speed]

[Still, despite his efforts, the cruel machinations of life slows this process to a crawl]

[Finally, at the end of this charge the author completes his latest addition and prepares to begin another. This period may be a mere day, or perhaps months. The future in this matter is unknowable]