Peter Williams

"HEY! No humans allowed in the store!" The shop keep cried as I strolled in. My evil eye in response didn't seem to faze him. "Didn't you see the sign!?" He yells out again, looking around me for my presumable handler. Fortunately Derpy was still halfway across town so she couldn't really advise me not to punch this little prick across his smug muzzle. I stormed up the the pony and stared him down. With my hat shadowing my eyes, I gave him my best intimidation look, letting out a quiet growl so only he could hear. I then held out my hand and let the confetti of paper that once was the sign sprinkle over him. I then walked on, leaving the guy in a quivering puddle on the floor.

That felt good. I spent some time browsing the store, many of the supplies looked uncomfortably similar to the kinds of stuff I would give to my own dog before he died. Squeaky toys, bones, tennis balls, 'How to house train your human', and other assorted goods. They even had 'Human Chow Kibble! They won't even realize it's not meat!' I looked at the prices of most things out of curiosity and to see how far my new thirteen coins would get me. Apparently it could get me a bag of human chow and a rubber tennis ball. How would ponies play tennis anyway?

I also ended up wandering into the back of the store, where there was an isle dedicated to... unsavory material. I could only guess what the theme was by the cover art on some of the books, but that was enough to get the point across. I had apparently wandered into the part of the store where ponies looking to start a sex dungeon was for. I immediately grew uncomfortable and stayed that way until I saw my prize. A razor! An honest to god shaving razor, presumably for mares who were looking for a... softer ride. I could feel the shivers run up my spine as I thought about it. I grabbed the razor and tried to ignore it's supposed purpose.

I managed to find some sort of dietary supplement pills that were supposed to replace my need for protein-rich meat. While I wasn't really planing on going strict vegetarian, I would probably need to cut back. Eggs can only provide so much, and I doubt ponies would appreciate if I just started cutting up local pigs for my needs. Besides, local humans managed to make due somehow. I grabbed a bottle of pills, a rubber ball, because bouncy, and a little treat they had by the register. It looked like that chalky candy stuff they make the candy hearts out of, but shaped like a little bone. I figured it was worth a shot. After tallying up all the prices in my head it came out to fifteen coins. I reluctantly put back the ball and the treat before placing nine coins on the counter.

The clerk looked up at me, cowering. Then he looked at what I had, then at the coins, then me, then the coins, then back at the items. I began tapping my foot in impatience. How hard was it to understand the concept of purchasing products? Slowly recognition seemed to come to his face. "Ohh! You're one of those specially trained service-class humans aren't you? Trained to go out and shop, right? Well, that's no problem then!" The clerk chuckled hollowly as he gathered the bits into his hoof, then placed them in the register. "You scared me when you came in big guy! No collar and looking mean as a timberwolf, I though you might have been a stray. That's no problem though, I'll just throw in a collar for your owner to put on so we don't have to worry about that aga-" The clerk came back up from behind the counter where he'd been searching to find I had already left. Like hell I was putting on a collar.

Once back on the street I put my new possessions in my pack, throwing the remains of my destroyed mechanical pencil in there as well, shit was poking me good. A razor and diet pills... What else did I need? A new pencil, some actual paper, a sewing needle and thread... A general goods store should fit my needs. I set off down the street looking for a shop that fit the description. As I walked I observed more of Ponyville everyday life. Ponies frolicked happily about, looking at the various shops as I did the same.

The humans kept a placid look on their faces as well, which I was beginning to suspect was the closest to a smile I would ever see out of them. I briefly wondered what was the cause of this. They didn't seem to lack the facial muscles, as they could frown just as intensely as I could. It could be a neurological defect, but for it to effect all humans would mean it was embedded in their genetic code from generations of inbreeding or... would it be plausible to magically alter an entire race's DNA? The thought chilled me. I certainly hoped these ponies wouldn't be so cruel to engage in such practices.

My mind left these dark thoughts and returned to my mission as I came upon a store called "Quills and Sofas". Odd combination for a store, but if my guess was right, it's broad selection of items, from quills to sofas, should provide me with all the equipment I need.

Derpy Hooves

I ran through the streets, frantically searching for Peter. I always enjoyed how crowded and busy Ponyville was during the day, everypony was so caught up in where to go and what to get, I could just blend into the background and be just another pony. Today, though, I wasn't trying to just blend in, I was looking for Peter, and all these townsponies were getting in my way! I pushed through the crowd, calling out and trying to find the lost human.

"Peter! Peter where are you!?" How could he move so fast in such cumbersome clothes? They looked too tight to be maneuverable in. I turned the corner, only to be stopped by a wall of flesh.

"Oops! Sorry Derpy, didn't see you there." I recognized the voice of my co-worker Sea Breeze. He was a orange-red pegasus with a purple mane. He often took lunch break with me, but I never really see him other than then. He lived on the other side of Ponyville. I quickly got up and shook myself back into focus.

"It's okay Sea Breeze, I was just a little frazzled and wasn't watching where I was going." I replied while calmly looking around him.

"You looking for somepony?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah, I'm looking for a human named Peter." I said.

"Oh, you got a human? That's cool. I've heard a lot of ponies in town have been getting some. It's getting hard to look outside my window without seeing one wandering around." Sea Breeze said conversationally. He followed me as I walked.

"Sea, I'm sorry, but I really need find Peter. He is... uh..." Oh shoot, how could I tell him how urgent it was without blowing the secret about Peter's intelligence? "He... isn't collared yet! I was going to get one for him today, but he ended up running off after a thief."

"Running after a thief? Wow, you must have gotten one of those ex-guard humans I've seen. Those are tough fellas. I think Filthy Rich got one for his daughter, at least that's what I heard. What does he look like? I could help you look!" Sea Breeze said, hovering a few inches off the ground excitedly.

"Uh... I don't know Sea, Peter is really... different. I don't think he would respond well if you tried to leash him." Or anypony really. He really doesn't like the idea of being in a subservient role, regardless of the rest of ponies' expectations.

"Don't worry, we can look together, and you can take care of it when the time comes." I couldn't argue with that, and I really could use the help...

"Alright, Sea Breeze. Come on. We're looking for a tall human in a vest and pants." He looked at me in confusion.

"Wow, an ex-guard with suit and pants? Did you use Dinky's academy savings to buy this guy?"

"Uh... no, actually Dinky found him abandoned in the forest like that."

"Really! Dang, Derpy you lucked out on that one. Human like that would cost you half a million bits minimum. I've heard only ponies like Canterlot nobility can afford humans like that, and you just found him in the woods! Not that you don't deserve it..."

"What?" I said, not catching the last part.

"Uh, just mentioning how much use a human like that could be! That's all."

"Oh, um, yeah. He's really talented, so I really need to find him before the guard takes him in as a stray or something." Like he goes and shows the Mayor how smart he is.

"Oh." Sea breeze continued next to me for some time before he spoke again. He seemed to tense up a bit before speaking. "H-hey Derpy."

"Yeah?" I responded.

"You didn't get that human to help you... relieve stress, did you?" I came to a full stop, almost casuing him to stumble over me.

"W-what!?"

"It's just I know you haven't really been with anypony for a good while, so if you did it's no big deal or anything."

"N-no! no no no no no no! That's not it at all, Sea, it's just that... uh... Dinky like him so much I just had to keep him. I'm not a fancier, or anything like that!" Sea Breeze seemed to be relieved at this, tension flowing from his muscles.

"Okay, okay, I believe you. I didn't mean anything by it. I was just wondering. Sorry..." He said.

"It's okay. I guess with how common fanciers are becoming around here it wouldn't be hard to imagine." I said as I calmed down. As we turned the next corner I saw several guards ponies around a pony in hoof locks. "That's the pony that stole my bag!" We both race up to the thief, who was being interrogated by the guards ponies. It was still a little weird seeing them around. Ponyville never had a police force before Twilight became Princess Twilight Sparkle, and the new Ponyville Guard Garrison tasked with keeping the peace were placed by order of Princess Celestia herself with the secondary objective of protecting the new princess from anything that might crawl from the Everfree Forest and cause havoc in Princess Sparkle's town... again.

"Where is the bag, answer me!" The guard demanded. The thief could only shake his head.

"I don't know! The human in black must have took it after he knocked me out, with all my stuff too! I don't know where it is, honest!"

"You've been feeding me that 'Human in Black' line for fifteen minuets. I didn't believe it then and I don't believe it now. Tell me the truth!" The guardsman was about to get physical, so I decided to intervene.

"He is telling the truth officer. I know the human he's talking about. Both the human and the bag are mine." The guard looked me over and quietly made calculations in his head.

"Alright, so where is the human now?" He said

"I, uh... I don't know, sir. We were just looking for him now." I said.

"So he hunted down this thief, but didn't return to you? That's not good. It might be dangerous." The guard said, shaking his head.

"N-no! It's just that I haven't had him for long, and he doesn't know his way around. I was by the Apple's cart when my bag was taken." I said. I've heard stories of guards who would kill a human if they deemed it too dangerous for society, usually after attacking somepony. The worst stories were when the human attacked to defend their owners, and the guard puts them down anyway.

"Hmm." The guard nodded, "Still, it's not good to have a potentially violent human running amok. Fortunately his clothes will make him stand out pretty well. Shouldn't be hard to find him. We're still looking for a little filly's human that ran off this morning."

"Oh that's no good." Sea Breeze stated. "I hope everything works out."

"Right. We should talk to the local shop keeps if they've seen the human." The guard said, turning back to his fellows. "Take him in, I've go a human to find." After getting an acknowledgement he lead our group to the closest store, Ponyville's Human Mart. I remembered Peter wanted to go there to try and get what he though of as essentials. If he had gotten my bag back and the thief's, this would have been the first place he would have gone. We entered the store and walked up to the clerk.

"Sir." The guard said curtly, "We are looking for a human dressed in black clothes. Have you seen him?"

The clerk looked at us thoughtfully. "Oh, that shopping human? Yeah, he was in here earlier. Bought some things and left." The guard looked incredulous while Sea Breeze looked at me with interest.

"Bought some stuff? Sir, we're talking about an ex-guard class human. There is no way it could have bought anything." The guard said, leaning over the counter. The clerk was not intimidated.

"Well unless there is another human dressed in a black suit with a hat running around Ponyville, then he came in here, bought a razor and protein pills, and walked out. He even tore down my 'no humans allowed' sign!"

The guard took a step back and gave the clerk a weird look. "No humans allowed in the human supply store?"

"They eat all the kibble." came the simple response.

Seeing that this was getting us nowhere, I stepped forward, "Did you see where he went, sir?" The clerk looked from the guard at me and his look lightened.

"Yes, ma'am. Walked right down the street. I assume he's yours?" I nodded, "Then you'll want to let the vet take a look at him. He seemed to be limping a little."

I let out a gasp, quickly thanked the clerk and left, Sea Breeze and the guardspony right behind me. Who knows how much trouble Peter could be in!

Peter Williams

I left the store in a state of frustration. Just quills and sofas? Who the hell sells just quills and sofas!? Apparently "Quills and Sofas", that's who. I wasted twenty minuets in there trying to find something other than quills to write with, until I was ran out by the owner when he realized I wasn't there with anypony. Well, to hell with him and his absurd store! Quills and sofas indeed! I continued walking until I heard my name being called. since there was only two people on the planet who knew my name, and Dinky was still in school, I turned to Derpy with a smile and waved. The two individuals she was with, however, did not reciprocate and instead looked very shocked and confused. I walked over, still smiling, and put down Derpy's bag.

The two stallions with her seemed to spudder and babble as I stood there smiling. Undeterred, I reached into my own ratty bag and produced a small cupcake I managed to swipe from the store owner's desk while the prick was forcing me from his shop. That should learn him. As I presented the cupcake to Derpy as a gift I was interrupted by a growl from an alley. Turning my head to it, I saw an emaciated looking human standing in the passageway eyeing the cupcake with desperation. I knew that look. I had only seen it a few times, but even with his lowered intellect, I could recognize it on the human.

Pure obsession. He was going to get this cupcake, come hell or high water. I considered just putting the cupcake on the ground and backing away slowly. What I didn't expect was the speed this human would move in the next second and one-half. He closed in on me and took a swipe at my head. I moved just fast enough to avoid, but my ankle slowed me from moving completely out of the path. The cupcake went flying as we both fell to the ground. As we fell I heard that dreaded sound.

RRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!

My pants tore once again, enlarging the hole that once was there to the point I could actively feel the rushing wind.

This guy was dead.

Author's Note

BAM! Another chapter, and on time this time! Thank you for all your patience and viewer-ship.