My Adventures in Equestria

I woke up groggily, my head pounding like a bass drum. My vision was somewhat blurry for a few moments, but I could see shapes moving around me. My hearing also seemed to have taken a blow form the well… blow. Everything sounded like I was underwater. I looked over slowly and saw that Nate was still out. After a few more minutes, I decided that I was sleepy, and fell asleep, this time due to pure tiredness, not because I was just bucked in the face by a pony moving at roughly ninety miles an hour.

When I woke up for good, I could see and hear a lot better, but that didn’t mean I was happy with what I saw. Because what was looking back didn’t look too thrilled either. Looking back down at me were a pissed off Mane 6, save for Fluttershy and Applejack. Fluttershy was living up to her name and being shy, and Applejack was just looking at us warily, like she really didn’t think we were a threat, but didn’t want to take a chance.

Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash were looking at us like we could pop up at any minute with some C4 in our hands and go on a rampage. Pinkie was probably just thought this was all a game, so I really didn’t think about her too seriously. Fluttershy was trying to speak up, but no words came out. So I did the second rational thing of the day.

I scrambled across the floor in a panic. Some might say I was just being a baby, but trust me, getting kicked in the nose once was five times too many for me.

“Hey, what the- what’s going on here?” I panicked, looking around me in a hurry. I saw that it was Twilight’s library. Twilight glared at me, but her expression softened somewhat when she saw how scared I was. If there was anything I had learned out of life so far, it was stay low, and look weak and pathetic. It may sound stupid, but hey, it worked. Even so, I was really scared of them. I’d never seen a death warrant before, but the expression their eyes gave me was a good idea.

“I’m Twilight Sparkle.” She said to me, her eyes and tone not as harsh after figuring out I was intimidated. It didn’t help much considering Rainbow still looked like she was going to reach down my throat and pull out my intestines. Aren’t my thoughts just a field of sunshine and flowers? “Who are you, and what are you doing here?” She asked, still a little stern.

“My name’s Chase, and this is Nate.” I answered, somewhat irritably, having already explained it to Fluttershy. “And as to why…or how we ended up here is a complete mystery to me.” I finished simply. They all looked immediately to Applejack, since she was basically a lie detector with flesh. She looked back at them.

“I don’t see no lie in his words. But ah’m still a little nervous about ‘em.” She said. I decided to not take that personally, me and Nate being aliens in this world and all. I wouldn’t trust a couple of creatures a lot bigger and foreign looking right off the bat either. I sighed, and said.

“Look, I know this must all be very weird to you, because believe me, it’s been weird for me. But please take into account, you shouldn’t attack and capture the alien that comes to your world. What if they came offering peace and prosperity?” I wasn’t really sure where this came from, but hey, it’s true. I continued. “I don’t know where you get the idea that we’re going to hurt you all, because we’re not. We find ourselves lost in the middle of a dark forest, don’t know if the life on this planet is friendly, or if the planet even HAS life. It may be hard for all of you to understand, but it’s pretty hard to plan the domination of a species when you’re lost in an unknown place.”

I didn’t know where this came from either, but again I rolled with it. If I found myself on any other planet, this would be how I act. It’s harder than you think to keep up the lost and confused foreigner when you already know about everyone there. Then again, that could just be the ADHD speaking up again. How does Coal Buck do it?

Anyways, now that they didn’t look so hostile, I found it a lot easier to relax. Nate was now stirring slightly and moaning in pain beside me. Applejack actually surprised me somewhat and came over to me and sat down. She had a soft understanding look on her face as she looked over at me.

“So, lost on a foreign world? Ah know what that feels like. Don’t worry none, we’re gonna get’cha back home right quick.” Fuck. How do you explain to a bunch of ponies from a different world that you’ve inhabited for about three hours that you want to stay? Making true procrastinators proud, I put that problem at the back of my mind. I assumed Applejack was talking about when she moved to Fillydelphia was it? Canterlot? No, that’s not it…I think. Anyways when she moved to that whatever you call it city, all the high class was too alien for her. Well, this certainly was alien for me, albeit it was the coolest alien planet you could land on.

At least 20% cooler. Sorry. You know I had to.  I came back to reality and saw that Applejack was still sitting there looking at me and Nate, trying to make sense of us. Nate finally opened his eyes and stared at me groggily.

“Welcome back to Equestria, finally decide to join us?” I joked over at him.

“Shut up, asshole, I got kicked in the back of the skull. I’m lucky I woke up at all.” He moaned back.  When he looked at Applejack, his eyes widened slightly and he backpedaled across the floor. I guess he wasn’t too confident about being around another pony with strong back legs.

“Heh, don’t worry about them anymore.” I assured him. “They’re cool now…. most of them at least.” I added warily as I glanced over at Rainbow Dash, who glared back at me. He shot up and began to walk away.

“Well, if you don’t mind me, I am going to go get a stick!” he proclaimed. Everypony else looked at him like he was insane, while I just held back my laughter.  He was probably going to get it for protection after he saw what I did with it, but he could always blame it on being kicked in the back of the head by a moving object. He came back with one moment later, twirling it contentedly in his hand. “It would all be complete if we were British, eh?”

I just sat there and nodded stupidly, bearing a wide grin on my face. He looked around confusedly. “What?” I burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter. Now everypony was looking at us BOTH as if we were insane. Hell, for all I know, I could be insane. I could be in a mental institution right now just dreaming this all. But hey, sane until proven Cupcakes right? Pinkie joined in on the laughter, leaning against me for support. After a few minutes, we calmed down a bit, wiping tears from our eyes.

Then, my mind was completely blown for like the fourth time, was it? Ah, let’s just say for the umpteenth time. So yeah, my mind was yet again blown as another person came bursting through the door. My friend Ireland rushed into the room with a squirt gun and started spraying everypony with it. Rarity feinted, along with Fluttershy, Twilight screamed, and Pinkie countered with a squirt gun of her own. Everypony else looked like they didn’t know what to do.

“I’ll save you guys!” She shouted, continuing her onslaught. I shouted back at her

“What the hell? Ireland, we’re not in any danger!” She looked around at her reign of terror before saying

“Oopsies.” I facepalmed, along with pretty much everyone else in the room. She then spoke up. “Hey, anypony wanna come adventure with me?” Pinkie immediately yelled

“Ohh, that sounds fun, can I come? Huh, can I?!?!” And with that they burst out the window, camo face paint magically

appearing on their faces. Now this prompted a huge “What. The. Fuck.” from me. It seemed that Ireland was the human version of Pinkie. Loud, unpredictable, destructive when prompted, and completely fucking random. That’s exactly why I love her too. I looked back at the soaked ponies before, and they glared back. I raised my hands in surrender.

“Hey, hey, it’s not my fault that she came through here and destroyed the place, is it?” I asked, trying to stand my ground. Continued glares told me that, yes, somehow it WAS my fault. Ughh. I thought to myself. It seemed that even on different planets that things came out as my fault. Twilight decided to spare me big time and just dried everything up with a simple spell. I made a mental note to later make up for the mess to everypony even though Twi had cleaned it up.

I literally had no idea how Ireland had ended up here as well, but if I knew her well enough, she would pop up whenever you least expect it, like when you’re taking a shower. My fate was in her hands. I gulped to myself and decided to change the subject. “So, uh, you girls have anything for lunch?” I asked instead, realizing suddenly I was hungry as SHIT.

Applejack lit up.

“Apples!” She almost shouted, before running out of the room. I was confused for a moment as to what she was talking about, but then I realized she must be trying to get us to test her apples. Sure enough, she came back moments later with two bushels of apples on her back. She laid them on the ground and looked up at us with sparkling eyes. Even if I didn’t freaking love apples, there was no way I’d be able to resist those eyes.

Damn you again cartoon world full of adorableness! I shrugged and bit into the apple before me. And I appropriately jizzed so unbelievably hard Nightmare Moon Felt it on the moon. Just kidding, but seriously, I almost did. It was by far the best, juiciest, crispiest damn apple I have ever had. Don’t get any ideas either you pervs, because you know I did. Anyways, Nate seemed encouraged by my reaction, which I’m sure was as close as I could get to a “ME FUCKING GUSTA” face. He too nearly had an overload by the deliciousness of the apples.

We looked towards each other, thinking the exact same thing. He narrowed his eyes and whispered

“You can’t eat all those apples.” I grinned evilly and whispered back

“Forget you I can’t eat all these apples.” I didn’t want to offend anypony, considering their world was tons more innocent than our world. And with the challenge accepted, we both dove into our separate baskets and ate as many apples as we could. About 15 minutes in, we couldn’t force ourselves to even think about eating another apple, let alone eating another one. Yet we hadn’t seemed to have gained any weight whatsoever.

Cartoon physics aren’t too shabby. Well, with what little maturity we have returned, we began to look around the library. I saw a magazine lying on the table. Having nothing else to do, I picked it up, while Nate just laid back and relaxed. He wasn’t going to read anything more than 10 words unless we were Skyping each other or something of the sort. The magazine was called the “Ponies Digest”, which I’m sure is the Equestrian equivalent of Readers Digest. An article on the front titled “Pleasure Spots You Never Knew You Had” caught my attention. I looked at it, and the longer I read, the bigger my shit-eating grin got.

Consequences be damned, this was too good to pass up. I shook Nate and showed him the article. I had to force him to read it, but once he did, he got an even bigger shit-eating grin. He looked at me with raised eyebrows, and I nodded in approval. Even though it would probably elicit sexual reactions from them, and Nate wasn’t too clean on the subject, even he had to admit it was too rich to pass up. Number 8 was particularly eye-catching. We wouldn’t use all of them, we weren’t THAT heartless.

We were probably going to get so beaten up for this, but hey, it will be fun while it lasts, right?

Author's Notes: Well, I have 32 tabs open in 3 separate windows. On a note actually related to the story, sorry the chapter sucks. This is what happens when you can't think straight. Anyways, can you guys help me with story arc suggestions? I've got at least two good ones, but you know, they can only last for so long... So yah, mission for you guys! Do all my thinking for me! Just kidding. But it would be really helpful if you could help me out with that. Bye for now!