A Night to Remember

Today, I woke up with a strange feeling.

Have you ever left home for work only to remember midway downtown that you forgot the stove on? If this never happened to you, then you don’t know what despair is.

I’ll say a better example; you leave and forget to bring your cellphone with you.

Yes, I know, it’s like forgetting one of your kidneys.

Anyway, the thing is: Everyone knows how terrible it is to lost or forget something important, it doesn't really matter which of the previous examples defines you more.

However, in my special case the whole thing was different - I can't just say I forgot to bring my cellphone - no, think as if it was the opposite situation; the whole world left me behind.

There are no known songs to listen, or movies to watch, or drinks to drink, or people to fool.

I can’t just stand up and say: ‘Hey princess, what about opening a portal straight to my home?’ Because they don’t fucking know where my universe is!

Many of you must think that being stuck here is all fun and cuddles, but it's not.

Shit, I’ll never get a chance to watch The Godfather again.

Never!

Do you remember my concussion?

Yes, that stupid thing that happened inside my head.

I don’t know if it was an excuse from Doctor Silver to make me stay there a little longer, she loves me, or if it was true; but apparently that thing was worse than I thought.

During four days -

Four freaking days,

I had to stay there at the hospital ward, being nearly raped by needles and pointy measurement instruments, and worse...

Being forced to eat vegetables.

Hell, they made me eat brussels sprouts. Brussels mother fucking sprouts.

‘Because it's so good for full recovery and yada yada yada.’

When I was young and bumped my head somewhere around the house (it happened very often) my dad just grumbled something and I had to prepare an ice bag.

But anyway, if you're thinking that these days in the hospital were just needles and stupid sprouts, then you’re wrong.

Luna made sure I wouldn't waste a second of my time.

She practically dictated half of the Equestrian history, going from the very primitive beginnings of the pony race, to the birth of the first alicorns. And according to her, there were still 'a few' eras to cover.

But summarizing everything I learned: Almost every mystical creature you can imagine exists here. It's like bringing a fairy tale into life, and adding drugs.

As it seems, Luna and Celestia are thousands of years old. I was quite a bit hesitant to question the fact, because my situation was already weird enough, with or without immortals.

The flying unicorns - yes, I was indoctrinated to call them Alicorns - have some kind of control and influence over standard ponies. They behave like royalty, and are treated as such.

Fucking apartheid if you ask me.

I prefer not to talk about ‘Manehattan’ and ‘Las Pegasus’. These coincidences are far beyond my comprehension.

And of course, how could I possibly forget this: Luna and her sister Celestia are the ones who control the heavenly bodies! Logic? Who cares about it anyway.

For that I’ll just keep my promise of not trying to understand this place.

Diferences apart, today I can finally get out of this hospital. Unfortunately, during my stay here - and because of Luna's twisted sense of day and night - my sleep cycle became completely insane.

I'd wake up at 5 pm, and go to sleep around 8 am. And for these and other reasons, I still hadn't the pleasure of meeting the so called Princess Celestia.

But I guess there were other problems involved on that.

Maybe something along those lines: ‘My insane sister married a drunken multidimensional creature without my consent. I’m fucking mad with her.’

I'll give you a hint; if at some point in your life this happen to you, please remember to say at least a ‘hello’ to the multidimensional creature.

We have feelings!

I woke up to the sound of Luna's hoofsteps, as she walked into my room bringing a floating pile of clothes with her.

Magic… It would take some time for me to get used to this. Of all the things in Equestria, the presence of magic in nearly everything was almost the equivalent of electricity on Earth.

“Hey, finally some real vests! You know, bed sheets went out of style a week ago.” I said, chuckling.

“Of course." She rolled her eyes. "These were made to measure for you” She tossed me the clothes.

“I don’t remember anyon- anypony measuring me…” I raised an eyebrow. Those stealth ponies were everywhere! NSA would fucking love them.

“Why am I not surprised?" She scoffed. "Come on Rick, just try them, I am eager to see how it looks!” She clapped her hooves together.

Anyway, to the clothes; the small stack she gave me was actually a two pieces outfit, I don't really know the name of this sort of vest, but I believed it was some kind of robe.

I don’t really know, but it reminded me of one of those fancy medieval clothes. Very soft to the touch, grayish like a fox coat.

The second one was a dark crimson cloak, adorned with dozens of gemstones.

“I-is this a D-diamond?” No way in hell, look at the size of this thing.

“All these gems are diamonds. Why? You hate them too or something? We can remove-”

It was by that moment my friends, was when I started to like Equestria. First day out of the hospital ward, and they give me a free diamond cloak.

“No!” I pushed her hooves away.

“I mean… No, I have no problems with diamonds. They’re very pretty, thank you.” I said, clutching the cloak firmly. No way in hell I would let she take my precious away from me.

“And what are you waiting for? Try thy vests!” Luna nudged me.

“But there are no... Underwear." I noted.

“And why would you need that?” She inquired.

“Ah… ” I sighed. “Never mind.” Who cared about underwear, I was wearing a bed sheet for god's sake. I was in no position to neglect a diamond cloak, and robe. "Could you at least, ah, turn around?”

“And why would I do this?” She giggled.

“Because I’m gonna be naked?”

“And what's the matter? You've exposed your body plenty of times before!” Luna knew how to play with you. She wasn't half as naive as she pretended to be.

“Yeah, and without my consent.”

“I am naked right now, do this somehow bothers you?” She asked, wrapping the cloak around her back in a mockingly way.

"C'mon Luna, your kind doesn't even wear any significant clothing, besides, you have this 'magical fur' to cover you up.”

“Oh Richard, you’re such a difficult person.” Luna rolled her eyes and turned around. “But be quick, we don’t have the entire night!”

“…fuck! Where… arrrggg… dammit, where do I put my head if this fucking hole won’t fit-” I contorted myself, a foot in the air as I tried to fit in my new outfit. “Shit Luna, can you please move your moon flank and help me?” I wondered how women on earth were able to wear those complicated dresses, without accidentally suffocating themselves to death.

“Haven’t you said that we had to turn around while you swapped?” She mocked from my face.

“Yeah, but this is an EMERGENCY!”

There I was on the floor again, with half a robe wrapped around me.

“Hahahahaha, oh Rick, how for my sister's sake did you managed to put your head through the sleeve?”

She raised me with her magical grip and released me from my robe's mortal grasp. And there I was, being dressed by an Alicorn. It made me wonder what my ex would think about that.

Oh Natasha, If you ever dreamed about half of these diamonds in my clothes right now.

“…And done! That's how a robe is supposed to look like!” She beamed with pleasure. Luna adjusted my cloak alongside with a pair of boots they somehow tailored for me; I had to admit that the fabric - whatever it was - was fantastic.

Slightly thick, but not heavy or uncomfortable, silken but not slippery.

Crazy ponies and their magical stuff.

“It fits even better than my bed sheets! Do you have a mirror here?” I asked.

“I don't think so, but I can provided that.” After a flash of light, a large mirror appeared right in front of me. I stared at the reflection in the looking glass and couldn't clearly recognize myself, it wasn't me.

It couldn't be.

When light passed through the translucent stones the whole thing shone like starts in the firmament.

There was no more Richard.

There was an upgraded version of an once derelict human being. I may have overreacted, but the fact is that I never saw myself in such pristine conditions before, those were clothes tailored for a king, not for a stupid drug dealer. I did not deserved that.

“L-luna… I… This is… Why?”

“Why? Why what my dear?”

“I mean, you have power, you are the princess of a nation, more than that: you’re the one who brings the moon and the entire night for this world. You can have anyone. But why, in all Equestria, did you chose me?”

The mirror vanished away, and I couldn't help but look at her with fascinated eyes.

“Richard…” She paced around. “Nothing in Equestria could have fulfilled my wished. I felt by the time we met - that we have a bond - and a very strong one. I don’t care about how many stallions I could have, nor I care about their titles or bloodlines. I love you the way you are!"

God it was so cliche.

“How can you say that? We met not a week ago, when I was drunk and out of my mind. I'm a terrible person... How can you love someone like me?" I shook my head, burying my fingers in the depths of my hair. "Luna I need to know what took place that night, what was so relevant to make you love me the way you say you do?”

Luna sighed.

“You gave me a purpose…”

Oh damn, here comes the philosophic discussion about life, death, destiny and etc.

“We had sex?” I pinched my nose.

“What? I throw my soul and my heart in front of you and you start talking about carnal intercourse?” She didn't looked pleased at all.

“But this is an essential part of love, isn't it?” Come on, women are difficult in every single dimension!

“Yes Richard, it is important! So important that you even fell asleep over my worktable while we were supposed to be doing that.”

And there goes my reputation down the drain. Oh but my reputation left me a long time ago.

“Well, I'm sorry about that! I thought we had done it before. And you don't even answered my first question yet.”

"Look Rick, I’ll explain this through the easier possible way: You had a concussion and damaged your head, if I try to show you our memories from that night with a spell, I will most likely 'break' your brain. And if you haven't noticed yet, you're still weak from whatever shocking experience brought you here, and I can’t put your safety at risk."

“And why can’t you simply tell me in the traditional way; you know, speaking!” I insisted.

“Because I don’t want to!" She smiled. "Besides, your curiosity amuses me. Just stay calm and relax Richard, I've made a promise to you, and I will keep it. Now stand up and let’s go, there’s a carriage awaiting for us."

Forget it, if I learned something from life, is that you can never argue with a woman. Or a mare.

Never!

As we left the ward, I couldn't help but notice how empty were the hospital corridors, maybe ponies don’t get hurt that easily.

"It is a private facility" Luna said, as if reading my thoughts.

In our way to the front doors I finally spotted something alive; two armored ponies awaited for us right beside the entrance.

"What the hell... I muttered. They had bat wings. I stood there and stared at the peculiar ponies, Luna noticed and turned around.

“Are you alright?” The princess asked.

“Oh, yeah, I was just- observing your guards' bodies..." That sounded anything but right. Luna looked at me with a crooked expression.

"I'm not gay." I added. She just chuckled.

“Nice wings by the way." I pointed awkwardly to one of the guards. "You guys look like Batman... With hooves. But hey, I'm talking nonsense here and none of you understand what say so...”

Oh Jesus, my concussion was worse than I thought.

As my odd monologue dissipated in thin air, the guards opened the front gates and we finally left the cold hospital building.

And whoa!

The ponies must be fantastic architects, because the city was outstanding. There was a large square right outside the hospital, white marble shimmered in every direction I looked. Surrounding the square several towers and buildings stood over us. They were decorated with countless types of gems, metals, windows, banners, flags, and every sort of ornament you could imagine.

It was night, but the streets were brightly lit, I don’t know what kind of energy they use here, but given the circumstances I would say that it must be some kind of magical energy of harmony and kindness.

Whatever.

The hospital seemed to be located at the lower part of the city, because from there I could raise my head and spot the shiny castle right on top of the mountains, piercing the clouds.

'Shiny’ I gritted my teeth.

“Let’s go Richard, you can appreciate the view later, now our carriage awaits for us.” Luna grabbed my arm with one of her wings, and tossed me on the backseat.

“What the fuck is this?” I looked around, holding tightly on my seat.

“Oh, my little human is afraid of heights?”

Just think with me; there's a magical unicorn forcing me into a carriage driven by pony bats.

Are you sure this sounds reasonable?

“I-I’m not afraid of this thing! I am just- Ah never mind, I can’t argue with you, right?” Luna glared me.

And I’m telling you, I met her a few days ago, and she already broke the glaring record of my grandmother. They know the evil art of speaking with the eyes.

“You must know the answer.” She closed the door and nodded to the bat ponies.

And there we were, flying through the skies in a carriage.

For my personal luck, the carriage flew slowly, and just high enough to not crash on the nearby buildings. From there I could see, or should I say - I couldn't see a single pony walking on the streets, the whole place looked like a zombie town.

"Just what happened to your citizens?" Luna, which now just checked some letters turned to look at me.

"I raised a curfew today, with that we could return to the castle without being seen by many ponies"

"And why would you do that, I mean they know about the marriage, don't they?" I asked dubiously.

"No, they don't..." She looked quite a bit distressed. "At least not yet. Your presence here is like a 'top secret' matter."

"How can the princess of an empire get married without anyone knowing? And all the ceremonies and flowers and whatever that happens in princesses marriages?" I asked, teasing her.

"Richard, how could I provide a ceremony, flowers and 'princesses things' in such a short lapse of time?" She sneered at my remarks."Besides, our marriage was different. It was a soul bonding."

"A soul what?" I tilted my head at the terms. "Sorry, I keep forgetting the 'don't ask' rule... I just don't get why would you marry a drunken mortal."

"And who said you are a mortal?"

Here comes the shivers again.

"Ah... Life?" I replied, unsure of my words. "I mean, mortality is quite the obvious thing isn't it?"

Luna giggled.

"I don't know what life on Earth taught you, but here in Equestria things are slightly different. We bonded our souls with a powerful spell, and since I am an immortal Alicorn, you'll be immortal just like me. As long as you don't kill yourself of course."

I won't say I fainted again.

Put yourself in my position - in less than a week, I accomplished half of humankind dreams. I found intelligent life and made contact with it, I discovered real magic, I traveled through some kind of wormhole and survived, I married a princess, won free diamonds.

And became immortal.

For most of people, acquiring immortality must be imagined as some kind of mystical experience. Ethereal travels through the cosmos, finding the nonperishable flame, etc...

Not with me. I just got drunk in Las Vegas.

I'm a immortal being now, funny isn't it?

No!

What the hell would come next? A horn grows in my forehead, a cute little tattoo appears in my butt and I become a pink pony of love and kindness?

Author's Note

[Warning] I have not fixed the next chapters yet, my old shitty grammar is pretty much unchecked. Read at your own risk. [05/01/2016]