*Ring Ring Ring*

I really hate that sound, I thought as I waved my arm around, trying to silence the irksome alarm. Honestly, I am not a morning person, especially after a late night. Whoever thought that having all of your chemistry classes start at eight is a complete and utter douchebag...

Getting up, my hands rummaged for a set of clothes while my brain's still trying to start up, but only belching smoke for the effort. Managing to get everything on the right limb, I made my way over to the sink and grabbed the toothbrush. After a quick brush of my teeth, I grabbed a pack of pop-tarts from my desk and walked out the door. Why yes, brushing your teeth then eating generally isn't how it works, but it's faster to eat while walking to class, which means more sleep. Besides, I'm never awake enough to actually taste it, it's just fuel for the fire.

Chemistry has such a high potential when it comes to how much fun you can have, so why did I get stuck with one of the most boring teachers possible? Gazing off into nothing as Mr. Bush explained the electron levels of atoms, I could barely keep my head off my desk. God... I've had economics lectures that were more interesting than this... Lady Luck must have smiled as the lecture finished up.

"Have a nice day class," Mr. Bush said as the class half-shambled out the door like the zombies they were, but some half-ran depending on how awake they were. "Your homework is posted and due Monday."

"One down, three to go," I muttered to myself, as I drug myself to my next class, Writer's Comp. This was bound to be fun, Ms. Brown was such a lively teacher. An hour later, class was dismissed after the most boring lecture she'd ever done, not to mention one of the few. Next up was American History, which could go either way, and then came animation, which was usually the bright light at the end of the tunnel. Today, however, the tunnel just didn't want to end. The network was unstable, but not so unstable as to cancel class, and Flash kept crashing. Why did this bullshit have to happen today? I swear I haven't saved so religiously since I played New Vegas when it first came out.

The hot, southern sun beat down on me as I walked across campus, but I ignored it as I made my way to my dorm. Once inside, the cool air was a blessing after being out in the Oklahoma summer, the bed creaking as my weight fell upon it. I didn't even bother taking my boots off, let alone my jeans or shirt. Darkness fell upon my mind as I drowsed, just glad to be done with class for the day. Unfortunately, something had different plans, as a sudden weightlessness fell upon me, right before I hit a hard surface. Rubbing my head and wondering how I'd fell off my bed, I was puzzled as to why my surroundings seemed off.

First off, I didn't have a door near my bed, yet there one was to my right. Secondly, tile is not something you find in a dorm room, but the smoothness under my hands definitely wasn't linoleum. Thirdly, it was hot and humid, to the point the air was slightly foggy. The last bit of information was the most disturbing though, since it was a shriek of indignation that suddenly filled the room, covering the sound of falling water that had been the ambient sound seconds before.

"What the hell!?" The voice was feminine and angry, never a good combination.

Sorry Ma'am, I don't know! I said as sat up. Well, that's what I meant to say, a searing pain in my throat put an end to that. Blinking stupidly, a mirror caught my attention. With most of my brain working on figuring out what the hell just happened, I unconsciously wrote a message on the foggy surface.

Sorry Ma'am, don't know, voice is fucked. I wasn't expecting a good reaction, or really expecting anything, my brain being slightly preoccupied with my sudden relocation.

"You're a human, you shouldn't have a voice!"

Well, I'm not usually mute...

"You're supposed to always be mute!" She exclaims as I turn towards her, brain still numb from trying to figure out what the hell's going on. "And don't look at a mare when she's in the shower!"

What could be seen in the shower was indeed a mare, one that had a sandy colored face, a light blue mane, and dark blue eyes. Standing there wide-eyed with her horn glowing a light green and a bottle of shampoo floating nearby that glowed of the same color.

Wait, a horn? The fuck?

"GET OUT! GET! OUT! NOW!"

Apparently that was the last straw, since the shampoo bottle suddenly began to assault me to the tempo of her yells. One swift retreat out of the bathroom later, I found myself in a bedroom. It was... quite unique. The walls were red brick, the floor was covered in a soft, tan carpet. There was also a huge bed against the far wall covered with a dark green comforter, a nightstand with a lamp and what looked like a diary on the right, while a dresser flanked it on the left. There was another door to my right, and along the left wall was a huge shelf covered in random things. Walking over to it, I started looking over it, and found everything from a most magnificent moonstone, to what looked like a someone took a Coca~Cola collection and renamed it 'Sunrise Sarsaparilla'. Yawning, I drop face first on to the bed, falling asleep as my mind continued its shut-down.

"Get off my bed!" Another shriek pierced my skull.

God, this mare screams a lot, I wonder what her neighbors think. Rolling off the bed and crashing to the floor by the nightstand, my hand gropes around for the pen and book on it. Flipping to the last page, I start writing.

Can you Is as far as I got before she rips it from my hands and pins me to the ground.

"Don't you dare touch that again, I will kill you if you so much as think of doing it."

Damn, that's the most horribly cute death-glare I've ever gotten. I sure as hell wasn't going to see if she kept her promise, though, and opted to just write on my arm. Where am I?

"You're in my home, dumbass!"

Could you stop screeching, my ears hurt. And can I have a piece paper? Ouch... My face... That's going to leave a mark. Okay, that one was uncalled for, shall we start over?

"What kind of freak are you? You can't write! And why aren't you being aggressive?" The mare looked frazzled, though just coming out of the shower didn't help much. She did, however, rip the defiled piece of paper out of the back of her diary and handed it to me.

Thanks, since I'm trying not to flip the fuck out here, can we start over? I'm Jack Smith, I'm from Oklahoma, I'm a college student, and I have no idea where I am.

"Uh, hi Jack, you're in Manehattan, and where is 'Oklahoma' anyway?" The mare asked, rolling Oklahoma around her mouth, trying to get a grasp on the foreign word.

Part of the USA, since apparently you have humans around here, shouldn't you know about the country with the colossal army?

"Never heard of it."

...What planet am I on?

"Equus, why?" And with that, my brain decided to hell with this shit, now was a good time for a nice nap.

A splash for water woke me, causing me to splutter and attempt to mutter some very unpleasant curses. Grasping around for a pen, I turned towards the offending mare, currently too pissed to care about the fact this was a fucking horse that I was talking to.

The flyng fuck?

"You passed out. I wanted to wake you straightaway, but I knew I had to wait several hours to ensure you were safely recovered."

How long was I out?

"About five minutes. I got bored," the mare stated with a shrug. "But I made sure to down half a bottle of very hard cider before I woke you up, it's done wonders for my nerves."

It's not like I wanted to come here! I'm just glad I didn't stumble in while you were pleasuring yourself.

"That's what you say, but you've never had a piece of this flank. If only you knew, I'd have you begging just to watch me pleasure myself!" She replied, then slapped me. Again. "And it's rude to insinuate such things about a mare."

Sorry lady, I don't do the whole quadruped thing.

"Don't knock it till you've tried it."

That an offer? The good news is I didn't get slapped again. The bad news is that I got assaulted by a barrage of pillows, courtesy of the nearby bed.

"I'm not that drunk yet."

Me either.Flipping the page over, I added, Want to go to somewhere that's not your bedroom? And can I have something to eat? Or at least a drink?

"Sure, come along Mr. Alien, I don't want you stinking up my room up anyway." And with that, she went out the door and into the living room, with more of the brick walls and carpet, with a kitchen in one corner that housed stone counters and a wooden table. Hooves clacking as she moves from carpet to the tile in the kitchen, she fills a glass with water and grabs an apple, putting them in front of me as I take a seat. "Eat up and explain yourself."

Shrugging, I took a bite out of the apple, and it was very delicious. It was also soon gone, funny how that happens. Thinking for a moment as I sipped on the water, I just started from the beginning. I'm a guy from Earth, which is apparently not where I am now, and I went to take a nap, then ended up here. I can promise you I didn't plan, nor want, this to happen. My turn, why do you keep saying I shouldn't be able to... Do anything, it seems.

"Well, we have humans here, it's just that they're really not that much different than dogs. The ones around here are generally kept as pets, though some are for work." She gave me a rather sadistic looking grin before adding, "Though there are also some that basically use them as sex slaves, I even recall hearing a rumor about a brothel that exclusively employed humans..."

You're telling me if I'd have shown up elsewhere, I could have looked forward to getting raped by talking unicorns for the rest of my life? I think I'll keep the bruises.I wrote, disbelief plastered across my face

"Don't forget the pegasi and earth ponies, they'd want a piece of that ass too."

May I have some of whatever it is you're drinking? She didn't even reply, she just levitated a bottle out of the cabinet behind her and sat it in front of me. Now, I hardly ever drink, and I had no idea what was in the bottle, but that didn't stop me from going bottoms up and draining a quarter of it before setting it down. Thank you, in about five minutes, I could probably kiss you for that. That's also pretty damned tasty... Hard liquor that tastes good is a rarity where I'm from.

"You're welcome, you really looked like you needed it, though I'd have to down the rest of the bottle before I kissed you." She grinned deviously at me, "Besides, I thought you said you didn't want a piece of me?"

Hey, anything can happen when you're drunk. More paper please? Some weird glowing later and I had a small stack near me. Okay, so are you some sort of Jedi or something?

"Jedi? What's that?"

You know, glowy swords, move shit with their minds, those guys.

"Nope, I'm just a unicorn, though I am fairly good at making illusions with my magic."

Magic, you can do magic?

"Well, yeah, I've been moving things around, haven't I?"

Excuse me not noticing, since I've been inflicted by teleportation induced brain melting. So what all can you do with it?

"I'm good with parlor tricks and stuff. Magical fireworks, images, smoke, those kind of things."

Show me please? Reading it, the mare grinned and backed from the table. Once in the middle of the room, a pair of sparklers, or at least the burning tips, appeared and began to weave in a complex dance. It was dazzling, flashy, and one hell of a show. At the end of the display, they exploded like the 4th of July.

That was amazing!I threw my hands up in the air too, for added effect.

"It wasn't too bad, I haven't practiced in some time. Mostly I just use my magic for misdirection and such, it makes relieving ponies of their valuables so much easier," she replied with a cocky grin.

Thief huh? Now why would a pretty mare like you be a thief?

"The pay's good, I only work the hours I want, and there's just something special about seeing some rich snob's expression when they first realized they've been robbed blind, and have no idea who did it."

Yeah, I can see why you'd like it, though I never bothered with thievery back home. Then again, I didn't need to.A thought made me facepalm. What is your name, anyway? Silenced followed for a few seconds afterwards.

"How did I forget to introduce myself? Anyway, my name's Sparx."

You were too busy yelling at me for peeking at you in the shower.I wrote with a smirk.

"Cheeky bastard. So, I take it you've no idea how to get back home?"

Nope.

"Well, you could always go and ask the Princesses. If anypony has an answer, it'll be them."

They're the leaders of a nation that enslaves humans, yes?

"Well... Yeah, I guess they are. I hear they're really nice though." Sparx tells me with a winning smile.

Yeah... Nope.

"Well you're not going to be bumming off me! How are you going to pull your weight here?"

Sex slave? A crooked grin crossed my face as she read it.

"Nope, you're not getting off that easy, pervert." Sparx told me with a glare.

I didn't mean for you, I figured you'd try to pimp me out on the streets or something. I wrote with a chuckle, adding, Though if you have a better idea, I'm all ears

"Well, I was thinking I might show you how I work, take you on as an... apprentice of sorts."

Definitely sounds better than being a prostitute. Then again, you mares might actually be one hell of a fuck. I'll have to figure out at some point.

"That's great... You've just got here, and you're already thinking about sleeping around with 'aliens'. Goddesses, we're about as far from each other in appearances as you can get!"

Sex is sex, and I'm sure it won't take me long to find something about your kind to adore, even if you don't have boobs.I wrote with a shrug. Too bad I won't go so low as to fuck a mindless animal, cause I'm sure there's got to be at least one good looking lady among the slaves.

"I'll let you be the judge of that, cause compared to the rest of the male human's I've seen, you're quite the pretty-boy. Of course, the well kept ones are practically nothing but muscle, so they do have you there."

I'm a 'pretty-boy'? The humans here must be ugly as hell, guess I won't have to worry about wanting to fuck one

"Seriously, is sex all your brain ever thinks about?" She asked me as a look of derision graced her features.

Only when I'm drinking. Which is oddly one of the reasons I don't go drinking much, something about sexual harassment charges just breaks the bank.

"Oh? And how many have you had?"

Just one, she took offense when I asked her to fuck and when she told me to back down, and I told her it's not easy to get back down once you're as hard as she got me. Normally I'd probably just have gotten a warning or something, probably forcibly thrown out of the bar, but she just happened to be the daughter of a judge...The mare practically busted a gut before she'd finished reading.

"Oh Celestia, did you really do that?"

Eyup, I avoided jail time, but got fined to hell over it. Mostly because I didn't say anything too aggressive, or show her my dick. Really glad of that, to be honest.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Sparx said with a chuckle that turned into a yawn halfway, a puzzled look adorning her muzzle as she suddenly thought of something. Apparently it was important, because she stayed that way for a full minute before letting out a sigh.

"Well, it's bed time, and since I've got the only bed, you're stuck on the couch."

I debated internally for a few seconds, but decided to pass on a joke about sleeping with her and simply wrote. Works for me, wouldn't mind a pillow though. And is there an extra bathroom?

"Nope, just grab a pillow on your way back out, and shut the door behind you. Good night." And with that, the sandy mare walked into her room.

Getting up myself, I took care of my base needs, then grabbed a body pillow off the floor to sleep with and made my way to the couch. Emptying my pockets, which held my phone, wallet, and knife, I tossed my shirt on the pile before stretching out on the couch. Laying out, my feet hung over the edge, but it was wide enough to curl up on. She's got tons of pillows, but only one set of blankets? Maybe I should have toned it back on the jokes, because I've the oddest feeling she's hiding them as punishment... And with that last thought still echoing in my head, I dropped onto the couch, cuddled up with the pillow, and promptly fell asleep.

Author's Note

Welp, here's a thing, comments are more appreciated than likes and dislikes, and constructive criticism in a league of its own.