Your Human and You: Tricks and Treats

To: Princess Luna

From: Jack the Ranger

It's been pretty slow lately, so I haven't had a real reason to send you an update. Recently, however, I've managed to have a little adventure with a showmare by the name of, and I quote; "The Great and Powerful Trrrrrrrrixie!" She even likes to talk in the third person, which turned out to be endearingly cute instead of obnoxious. As for how I came across such a colorful character, it was really just a coincidence. I was walking back to Ke'mo's from The Commandant's place and decided to take the scenic route. The Great and Powerful* Trixie had also decided to get some fresh country air to brace herself for the less fresh city air, but had gotten her cart stuck due to the ground being soft from a recent rainfall.

On a side note, how I ever told you Princesses how fucking weird it is that you lot control the celestial bodies while your ponies control the weather? That ain't natural and I'm still not convinced it doesn't involve some weird voodoo nonsense.

So I found the powder blue unicorn trying to get her wagon out of the mud, and since she's not an earth pony capable of moving five hundred times her own body weight, she wasn't quite managing it. So being the gentleman I am, I came up and helped her get out of her rut. She thanked me quite self-importantly and gave me a cookie. She talked at me the whole way back to Manehattan, regaling me with tales of her epic adventures. Mostly hogwash, but the lady can spin one hell of a yarn.

Back in the city, she finds an empty space and I realize that her wagon is also a stage, and help her set it up. As the show goes on, she drags me onto the stage and proceeds to saw me in half, then pulled my boot out of her hat. No idea how she did the last one, but I made sure to get that back sharpish! She shoo'd me away for the grand finale, which was basically a little cartoon made of fireworks. It was the tale of her fight against an Ursa Major. At least I think it was, I made myself scarce before the end due to pressing issues and not wanting her to try and claim me or take me to a shelter. It wouldn't have been too much hassle to get out of it, due to my Bronze Moon, but I've come across the occasional caretaker that calls in the local Ranger to find out if I stole it from someone.

I guess it wasn't really an important thing to send you, but I didn't want to find out what you'd do if I went too long without sending a letter. And maybe have someone come give some life advice to this Trixie, she's doing well for now, but her way of dealing with hecklers is likely going to get into some real trouble some day.

*She appears to have a fairly average level of power, though her technique appears to be excellent.

You're loyal Ranger,
Jack