Dear Princess Moony,

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but your ponies are fucking nymphos. Like, seriously, I'm not sure if I've gotten around to telling anyone about it that's important, but your ponies are apparently insatiable, and I'm not even going to go into the ethics behind it. The important bit is that, since I've become "independent", the number of mares, and the occasional stallion, that attempt to lure me into their sex dungeons is ridiculously high. After awhile I started keeping track, and over the last month I've realized that I get propositioned an average of twice a day. If that wasn't enough, at least once a week some mare seems to think they can just leash me up and drag me home. On a side note, tell Sunny Princess that I'm sorry for the distress that I've caused her Guards in the area. I know piledrivers aren't considered an appropriate way to tell someone no, but some mares are extremely persistent and after about the third instance I've noticed a marked decrease in attempts being made to drag me off by force.

Of course, the show of force seems to have made it's way through the rumor mill and I'm getting even more lusty looks. I don't suppose you can tell me how to fix that, can you? Maybe some sorta fuck-off charm? It was kinda awesome and ego-boosting to begin with, but I've realized they do it with any human male they come across that isn't being stared at by their owner. It's actually fucking insane, and may require me to be put on patrol so that I can beat some bandits senseless to help center myself again. As for the former apology, it doesn't count towards the stallions. I don't roll that way and won't apologize for choke slamming dudes who come up and grab my junk. Shit's seriously rude and no bueno.

On the other side of the coin, I think I've come across more than a few changelings, and they seem to realize I'm abnormal and treat me like anyone else. A few even own businesses and I've made a habit of frequenting them because it makes my life easier if I just get to act like a normal person, even if it's only for a little bit. The Hive Mind seems to have informed them all of my status of "claimed" by Rose. Which is weird cause after some more digging and talks I've learned that there are many different hives, with different characteristics that they value. Apparently their primary characteristic is also the one that's most filling when they feed off it. Doesn't really make sense to me, but magic and all that shit. All that really matters in the end is that I can stop pretending to being a neanderthal when I'm around them, and it's really cathartic.

Oh, and Rose said there are whispers that some outcasts are amassing for some reason, probably to do something stupid and drastic. Told me to give you the heads up as a show of good will.

The Sexiest Ranger,
Jack of Hearts

Author's Note

Apparently I'm just really motivated to write nonsense the last week. Not sure why that is, probably has to do with my new job that's boring as fuck.