Chapters My muscles screamed bloody murder, my breath was ragged, tearing at my chilled throat and lungs; the cold air numbing my senses. I don't know why I am still running, they know i'm going to collapse. My teeth began to sting, the cold air sending daggers of pain throughout my mouth. I let out a loud gurgle, as sinus drainage began to accumulate in my throat. I gave one last mighty bound, before I tripped over a gnarled root hidden by the snow, and landed abdomen first upon the hard frozen earth. The air suddenly shot from my lungs, and they refused to refill themselves. My panic rose to a new pitch, as I tried desperately to suck in air, and the fact that my pursuers were almost upon me.
I barely made my way onto my hands and knees, before a hard solid object came down on my back, pressing hard to keep me from moving. I craned my neck to look at the culprit. Three pastel colored ponies, the one who had his hoof on me had a horn sticking out of his head. A unicorn. I would've laughed, if my throat did not feel like icicles had formed in it. He turned to his two other companions.
" Pumpkin, Icy, c'mere and look at dis beaut. We got ourselves one of those rare northern bred humans, the one's with white skin. These brutes sell pretty damn high, up in canterlot," the unicorn roughly pushed my face into the snow, exposing my backside to the others, " Pumpkin, shoot him with the tranq right in the backside of the knee, where that vein is."
Almost immediately, I felt the pain of a needle enter into my knee, and numbness quickly set in. I could feel it spread up and out through my body until I couldn't even move my eyelids, and soon I succumbed to the tranquilizer.
I woke to the sound of train bells whistling, and the rumble of wheels upon tracks. Even to my groggy, drugged mind, it was evident that I was on a train, in a rather small, confined, dark space. Kind of like my gaming room back home, though much more ominous. Apelike grunts and hoots followed the trains whistle, alerting me to the presence of others.
The thick musky smell of unwashed bodies clogged the train compartment, the wooden crates providing little barrier to the yelling and various apeish noises the others were making. Through the gloom, I spotted a water bowl in the corner of the crate. Its visage alerted me to my thirst. Using all of my strength, I managed move my drugged body over to a water bowl. When I managed to reach it, I brought it up to my lips, taking big glugs of the bitter mineral tasting water. With my thirst sated, I focused my attention on the cage next to mine.
"Can you hear me, do you understand ?" It was at that moment I looked into the cage, that I saw two eyes stare back at me. There was no glimmer in his eyes, no soul, no intelligence. The human gibbered back in incomprehensible ape noises. I recoiled in horror, my thoughts were true. In this place, humans are animals, and therefore, they think I am an animal.
Before I could finish my thoughts, the train came to a grinding halt, forcing me to clamp my hands over my ears as the brakes screeched their siren song. Loud hoof-steps upon wood signaled ponies were walking to this train compartment. The door creaked and in walked that beige colored asshole who captured me in the snow, along with his assistants, Pumpkin and Tomato, or whatever.
"Hello there pearly skin. You're gonna get sold today, hope you like those snooty nobles hehe," His horn glowed a bright orange, and I soon found my cage and myself, levitating next to him. He opened the train car door, and brought me outside.
THE LIGHT, IT HURTS! OH GOD KILL IT! Was the only thought that had raced through my head.
When the pain of being blinded had subsided, I could only stare out of the cage in awe, alabaster spires rose above perfectly cobbled streets. Ponies of various shapes, sizes, and colors walked about the city. When they saw me in the cage, they would walk up to the beige-furred motherfucker and ask all about me, and various conversations would start up. This continued for a seemingly indefinite amount of time until we arrived at a plaza, where humans of all sizes, shapes, colors, racks, lengths and girth were standing and sitting, caged. Ponies shouting bids, and the general noises of my less evolved cousins made the entire place sound like an urban jungle.
My beige-colored unicorn captor set me down, and levitated a megaphone to his muzzle. I don't know where it came from, but that wasn't important.
He shouted loudly into the microphone, "Attention ponies! I am selling a rare north-bred human! The highest bidder takes it home!"
Instantly, several rich, snobby-looking ponies were near my cage, already observing as if I was a piece of meat.
" My Celestia, look at his muscles!"
"His eyes are a stormy grey instead of blacks!"
" Why is it so white ?"
These were just a few of the things I heard that were said, as those ponies stared at me in the cage. If I wasn't in the position that I was, I would've slapped them all silly. Eventually, the bids began to go off. Barely a minute later, someone offered the most, and got the grand prize; me.
My cage was picked up by a blue, magic aura. It was then that I got to see what asshole decided to buy me. It was a he, a cursory glance between his hind-legs proved that. His coat was a dark forest green, his mane was jet black. Both gleamed under the sun, as if he had been groomed for 6 hours straight. Probably had some poor underpaid servant do that for him. I was honestly kind of impressed that he didn’t have a servant carrying me, instead of doing it himself.
Not much later, we got to his mansion. I got a clear look upon the exterior, a large iron fence surrounded the lavish house, about 15 feet tall. It looked easy to scale, although the tips on top would have the be taken into account. The mansion had many windows on the front and side. There was a lavish courtyard to look out upon, with groomed hedges, statues, fountains, and various decorative plants. The words "House Avernus" were engraved into the stone. Presumably, that was the family name.
We arrived at the front door, and it was pushed open to reveal velvet draped walls, suits of armor shaped to fit ponies, swords upon racks, and further down the hall, a luxurious living room, with large windows, and a crackling fireplace below a large, gigantic plasma TV, playing some form of Pony News.
I didn't want to deal with a stereotypical family getting a pet interaction, and pretended to be asleep, ignoring all sounds I didn't want to hear, while pretending to be asleep, I learned that his wife loves to get "services" from humans, and that the pony of the house is in their country’s military. When the life of the house finally gave way to the night, I rose to examine my cage.
With enough light to see by, I noticed that the thing was closed only by a simple latch. It was simple to open the cage, and then I was to do whatever, quickly setting out into the dark corridors of the mansion.
My bare feet made no noise upon the marble-tiled floors, with the absence of wooden floors, came the absence of creaking boards. A true gift to any sneaker, for creaking boards have spoiled many a midnight raid. Rounding a corner, a disturbing snap was all the warning I got before I felt the stabbing pain of a stubbed toe, the pinky toe nevertheless.
Do not scream, do not fucking scream whatever you do, DO NOT SCREAM! I mentally told myself, hopping in short, staccato bounds, trying to avoid alerting any servants or family members within.
Within a short amount of time, I had mentally mapped out the entire bottom floor, 16 rooms, each with a different purpose. Including a pantry, which I had promptly raided, probably getting some servant fired in the future. Creeping up a grand mahogany staircase, I came upon the second, and last floor of the mansion. Seeing two silhouettes of ponies in a distant moonlit window, I immediately hid behind a pillar. Peeking out, I strained my ears to listen in on their muffled conversation.
“I don’t care, Silver. I will not have you lust over ANY of our humans. I will not allow my wife to indulge in beastiallity, it’s shameful! What if the other nobles find out?”
“Everypony fucks their humans, and everypony knows they do it Forest!”
“We’re not most nobles ,we are from a proud military family, WITH MORALS! Others may stoop to such indulgences, but we will not!”
“FINE!,” Shouted Silver, opening a door, and shutting it behind her with force. I hid behind the pillar, and held my breath as Forest stormed past me, fortunately his eyes remained forward, and he did not notice my almost naked form pressed behind the pillar. Hearing him thunder down the stairs told me that he was angry, and that he probably was heading to my cage. I took this into consideration, and began to quickly map out the hallways and layout. Before I heard hoofsteps, rapid ones echoing up the staircase. I ran towards the window, but fast enough. For there was Forest staring right at me.
“There you are boy, ssssh it’s okay, come here. Come here boy!” He whispered, tapping his hoof on the floor as if I was some dog. I stared at him silently for a moment then opened my mouth.
“No! Go eat a gigantic dick!”
He stood there, flabbergasted at what just happened. I happily broke the window with my fist, cutting a deep gash into my hand in the process. I then leaped out unceremoniously, landing belly first into a hedge. Now, falling unto hard woody branches from 2 stories, on your belly hurts. So naturally, I screamed, then shut my mouth via my bloody fist.
Why would I jam my bloody, bleeding fist into my mouth? Blood trails. They could just follow the blood straight to me, and then im back to being some noble’s bitch.
Picking my scratched belly off of the hedge, I rolled off, onto hard cobblestone. I ran quickly to the fence, and began to scramble up it. Careful not to agitate my hand wound, I got to the top and slowed down. After all, tearing my nuts off would be extremely painful. Both to me, and any poor bastard who happens to be nearby. I hit the ground, landing on my feet, and buckled down onto my hands as to handle the fall without being injured. I then proceeded to run into the city.
After running what I assumed was a mile, and scaring many ponies. I was in what appeared to be the “Brooklyn” area of this city. Stopping to catch my breath, I noticed that my hand had not stopped bleeding, and my mouth was filled with my own blood. Spotting a nearby homeless pony, with some precious blankets. I creeped up next to him, being absolutely silent so as to not alert him to my presence.
I violently slapped his face, and he rose in shock. When he spotted me, his face twisted into pure unadulterated terror. I opened my mouth, letting blood run down my chin, and fall onto the pavement. “
SURRENDER YOUR SOUL UNTO ME!” Gargling my blood and phlegm in the process, creating a demonic, soul-sundering voice. The homeless pony screeched in terror, fleeing as fast as his legs could carry him.
I laughed harshly as I spat out the remaining blood, and looked for the cleanest, odor-free blanket I could find, then wrapped it around my hand tight. The fabric stung at my wound first, and the blanket would prove clumsy, however it was still better than bleeding out.
The familiar tones of hushed voices brought me back to reality. I rounded the alleyway to observe three hooded ponies. Their garb could have easily been taken directly from any of a multitude of games. They spoke in hushed tones, but I was able to pick out a few phrases.
“Did you hear about Fling?”
“Maybe. Was she that new fence from Gryphonia that the guild hired ?”
“Yeah, she’s that one. Guild’s packed right now, and a fence can only have up to 3 thieves working for ‘em at a time. Right now, she’s looking for a thief or a group of thieves who can steal the Avernus family heirloom, along with various paperwork that belongs to Mr.Avernus, if we can snatch those, Mr. Avernus will lose all credibility and power in the guard. That means easier money for the guild, and us.”
While they were talking, I managed to grab a satchel laying nearby, careful not to rip open the velcro seal loudly. I peeked inside, and found all sorts of thieving tools, bobby-pins, a crowbar, a dagger, a camcorder that could be hidden easily, various other things. Including a... playcolt magazine? I suppressed laughing at the extra-dimensional playboy mag, and decided to make off with the satchel before they knew that I took it.
I began to climb the side of a brick-walled building, so I could travel by rooftop, trying to leap as little as possible. Knowing death or serious injury could be just a misjudged hop away, I proceeded to make my way back towards House Avernus, avoiding the occasional upward look from a pony or two. Until I finally was perched in a position from where I could watch the house, and make my move when ready.
Hours passed before daylight began to shine over the horizon. It was then, in the crisp morning air, that I heard the sound of large double doors creaking open. I turned my attention towards the Hold of Avernus, and saw Forest, dressed in golden armor, leading his son towards a... School Chariot, that would be the best term to use.
I waited patiently for the father to finish standing in the middle of the walkway, before watching him trot off towards the magnificent looking palace in the distance. Due to the distance, I couldn't tell much about it, other than it had kicked physics in the balls and declared it’s independence.
That was when I realized his wife was probably home alone. That was when the ultimate insult to him creeped into my mind, Oh I’ll rob you of more than just your property.
I’ve met you once, Mr. Avernus, but I’ve robbed you twice.
Taking my leave, I dropped carefully from window-ledge to window-ledge. Avoiding a slip from the early morning dew that stuck to everything like a wet shirt, bound to cause some poor soul a painful fall. Reaching the bottom, I set my foot onto the pavement. The moment I put my weight onto it, I felt my foot shoot off, my heart stopped in my chest as I clasped my hands back onto the window ledge with celerity. The cold night, combined with the morning dew, had covered the gully with a transparent layer of ice. A figurative middle finger, from nature this time.
I cautiously set my feet down upon the frozen pavement, trying to avoid busting my tailbone. With my feet secured, I dropped down onto my hands, finding that my hands did not have the traction to stay still on the ice. As a last resort, I dropped onto my belly, slacking my tense leg muscles. I had to worm 15 feet or so until I came upon a staircase, it had not frozen over, due to salt that had been poured onto them. Ignoring the fact that the ponies possessed road salt, I clambered up the stairs on all fours, cautious.
As it was morning, and ponies were bound to be leaving their homes. I would not be able to dodge the eyes of ponies, but I could dodge the eyes of guards. That would buy me enough time to actually rob the house, and tarnish their image. Peeking my peepers through the slits at the bottom of the iron fence, I was able to see clearly onto the street. No guards in sight, only citizens going to and fro. This might be the only chance that I have, and I did not waste it. I sprung from the stairwell with the ferocity of a barbarian, charging across the street, causing screams from the ponies that I got close to.
I scrambled up a trellis, fortunately the lattice-work wasn't spaced too far, so I could run without worrying about my foot falling into a hole. It was then that I felt a sudden onset of glee, the ivy tickling my feet only helped contribute to the feeling, and I was helpless as I began to laugh, hushed of course. Didn't want to be caught. Reaching the end of the trellis, I spotted the window that I had used for escape. Now, me being a smart little human, I unlocked the window through the giant-ass hole, instead of leaping through the window like a robber in the movies, as tempting as it was.
Lifting the window pane upwards, avoiding the glass that was still on the sill, I crawled into Forest’s mansion. With the daylight illuminating the velvet lined walls, I could see the cocoon that he had wrapped himself in. The marble tiles sparkled, the velvet draperies were colored a drab green, that still managed to demand some form of respect. Crossed swords were mounted high above, the light gleaming off their dulled edges. Typical nobles, wrapped in velvet sheets. Noting the room that I saw Forest’s wife slam the door on, I smiled devilishly.
I opened the door quietly. Peering inside, I saw a silver colored pony, the wife of the house, watching what appeared to be TV. As I quietly walked in, I looked at the room. In the far right corner was a small television, standing atop a small, dark, wooden coffee table. Towards the back of the room, there was a large, sliding-door closet.... No doubt the wardrobe, I wonder if pony women here have as much as clothing as the women back on Earth have.
Quickly, and quietly as a mouse, I set the satchel down beside the large king sized bed, and pulled out the camcorder, pressing the record button on it. It would be well hidden among the drab green tapestry. Almost ready, I unwrapped the bloodstained blanket from my hand, and set it above the satchel. I then proceeded to crawl up on the bed, eliciting the attention of the lady. She yelped in surprise, whipping around to look at me. She settled down as she realized who I was.
“Lay down boy!”
I complied, knowing that it would make her feel much safer if I followed commands. She then opened her mouth to speak again.
“You have made my husband absolutely stark-raving-mad, he was worried about you. Worried that you may get hurt, or go hurt other ponies!”
Yeah, mad that his property might get damaged, and he might have to empty some change from his pocket.
“Speaking of my husband... Since he’s not here. Do you want to have fun boy ?”
I perked up, trying to act like an excited puppy.
“You are such a good boy, come here. Come to mama and be good little boy for her,” she said in a sultry tone, presenting herself like the bitch she was.
Her hoof grabbed the back of my head, and guided my head towards her nether reaches. Contrary to what most people think, it is not the most pleasant taste, in truth it tastes like salt water. Not to mention the smell from the actual teardrop folds itself isn’t pleasant at all.
“Fuck me raw, will you big boy ?”
I’m mischievous aren't I? I’m robbing someone blind, and fuck their wife as well.
After having relieved myself, I decided to relieve her of her consciousness; by giving the back of her head my best Chris Brown impression. I then grabbed the camcorder, and turned record off, the entire act of bestiality caught on tape. If they have computers in this world, Mr.Forest’s reputation is fucked six ways to Sunday. Making sure not to leave behind the satchel, I then grabbed the door, and turned the knob slowly. I shall not allow even a creek, but I must work with a haste. For guards would be bound for the house, and I would have to run.
The house seemed to be unoccupied, there was no trotting of hooves, no soft pit-pats of feet upon stone. Which means I could run freely with no fear of discovery. Heading down the lavish hallways, I fancied a door, with a rather important looking crest upon it’s top. It depicted a Coat of arms; a hood leveled above a snake, with the words Non impune calcare on a scroll underneath. With my loose Latin skills, I was able to roughly translate it into: If you step on me, imma fuck you up. Bending my knee, I placed my eye at the keyhole, peering into it. Seeing that it was just a simple hairpin-lock. I opened the satchel, and fished out a bobby pin, sticking the pin into the keyhole as I did with Forest’s wife. I turned the pin, and the lock unclenched, much more easy than what Hollywood likes to think.
Opening the door, I was greeted to a mahogany-walled office, with two grand victorian windows staring down unto the patio, and back garden. Turning my attention to the desk situated in the middle of the room, to my surprise, the desk had a computer upon it, Macintosh style. Snickering at his poor choice of computer, I made my way over to his desk, and proceeded to wave the mouse.
Once the screensaver disappeared, I was treated to a web browser, with tabs still open. There were two of them, one was Ponybook, a pony version of Facebook it seemed. Mr. Forest hadn't logged off. Checking the other tab, I shivered slightly in excitement. It was a pony version of PornHub, I chuckled maniacally for a moment, for the deed that I was about to do. Digging through his desk drawers, I was able to find a AV cable for the camcorder, and a key. Snickering, I plugged the AV cable into the camcorder, and the computer.
A file transfer help screen popped up, and I followed its instructions, until I had the video uploaded unto the computer. Switching back to the Pornhub page, I clicked on his profile page, and clicked on the “Upload video” link, it was a breeze from there. When the upload was finished, I shared the video on his facebook page.
Me being the asshole that I was, decided to leave him a little note. I picked up a hoof-it note, and wrote Enjoy the show, Starring: Me! I then peeled it off and stuck it’s sticky adhesive surface onto the computer monitor. All that I had left was that key I found, hidden behind a board in the desk. Noting the small size, it wouldn't be a door key, if I had to guess, it went to a lock-box, or other form of safe.
Speaking of safes, there was a large, vertical, rectangular safe in the corner, it’s drab green coating blending in almost seamlessly into the draperies. If not for the light glimmering off it’s polished surface, I might have missed it all together. Throwing back the chair, nearly sending it out the window in the process, I ran towards the safe. I jammed the key into the lock, and pressed my ear to the cold metal surface, it also possessed a valve lock. They were easy, due to the multi-tier lock releasing one at a time. It took a while, and a few retries. I was eventually able to unlock the safe.
Mother of gods covered in sweet baby Jesus syrup, I had hit the mother-load. This would give Goldmember’s golden genitalia a boner. I almost snatched a necklace, before I realized that there might be a trap inside the safe. To be safe, I ran back to the desk, and picked up some important looking paper, and proceeded to throw it in the safe. As I saw sparks fly, my eyes widened, and I could only superman dive backwards, I immediately regretted my decision. Having your ears ringing from a explosive trap, combined with landing on your shoulder blades was very, very painful. However, I am a BIG, STRONG MAN and shall not be put down by such wimpy explosions.
Much to my glee, the contents of the safe were untouched, probably due to magic. I stuffed everything I could fit into my satchel, including some important ring and dagger on a stand and shelf, as normal items wouldn't be given gilded mahogany to rest upon. I even managed to find the deed to the estate. By then, my satchel was stretched by gold, silver, and jewels. However, for me, I heard the door creek. I back up quietly, keeping to the drab green draperies. Lady luck had decided to abandon me, as there were two ponies standing in the doorway. One was Mr.Forest himself, and another was a white pony, both were dressed in golden armor.
“HALT, THIEF! SURRENDER, OR WE WILL USE FORCE!” It was clear by the words that were spilling out of his ass, he couldn't tell who or what I was. He just saw a silhouette near his draperies, I picked up a nearby horseshoe, and sucked in a big gulp of air.
“I’LL THROW MY SHOE AT YOUR FAGGOT ASS!” I triumphantly explained, before throwing the metal brain-damage device at Forest’s head. I then proceeded to run, like a little bitch, at the left grand window, knowing that it would be closer to my escape route. Preparing my wife-beating fist, I punched the glass, luckily avoiding another cut.
I clambered up the chiseled stonework of the mansion’s upper floor, and pulled myself up to the roof. I had to run up the slant with a burning desire, then slow down before I ended up going too fast, and end up flopping on the the trellis, and breaking it. As I slowed my descent, I was able to get a good look at the streets and rooftops. There were no extra guards outside the house, indicating a squadron.
The trellis this time wasn't so sturdy, it would bend and wobble as I ran over it, indicating my fat-ass might snap it before I managed to clear the fence. That proved not to be a reality, as I was able to jump onto the fence, without tearing my macadamias off. I slid down the posts as one would slide down a fire pole, I paid no attention to the guard pony couple that had spotted me, and instead focused solely in getting the hell away as quickly as possible. Alleyway running is much more difficult than what it seems, you have to dodge trash cans, boxes, air conditioning units, homeless people, narrow walls, and what i’m pretty sure was a dead human in a body-bag.
I thought that I was clear, until my eyes found a sudden shade out of the great big blue, there was no canopy above me, nothing to block the sun. When I looked up, there was a pony with wings, WINGS I TELL YOU, dive bombing right at me. Instead of being a cold, calculative asshole, I chose to run.
ZIG-ZAG ZIG-ZAG ZIG-ZAG, I thought, rapidly moving in zigzag pattern. He can’t hit a moving target, right?
Turns out, that would be the least of my worries, as I had come upon a busy intersection, with ponies of all stripes and colors walking to and fro, some pulling carts or carriages. My time spent in San Diego and taught me how to weave and duck through crowds, with these ponies being ¾ of my height, it wasn’t difficult to steer clear, considering that they would give me a wide berth. As I was moving through the crowd, I could hear various things being shouted, and screamed.
“HELP! RABID HUMAN!”
“SOMEONE GET THAT ANIMAL BEFORE IT HURTS SOMEONE!”
“AWAY FROM ME YOU FILTHY CREATURE!”
“NO CHILDREN, STAY AWAY!”
I paid no heed to them, they were lesser creatures I supposed, and also the fact that I needed to run away was more important than some ponies treating me like an animal. I ran down an alleyway, and began to shake any doors I find, most of them were locked. Much to my luck, I was able to find one unlocked, and I then proceeded to barge into the dark house. I slammed the door shut, I then proceeded to press my body against the door, incase they followed me here. After a minute or of heavy breathing and excessive worry, I was able to pull myself from the door. Breathing a heavy sigh of relief I slumped down to the floor, falling onto my back. It took a while for my eyes to adjust enough to the darkness to see the eagle head positioned over me. I was about to speak or do something, but a claw was grasped onto my neck, clenching my windpipe shut and cutting off my air supply.
“Oh, lookie here! What a nice little morsel you are.” She cackled in a feminine tone, I could only scream silently as my heart beated desperately on my lungs, screaming for oxygen. I could only succumb to the darkness that swam in my eyes.
No migraine I have ever experienced could compare to the sheer pain that was emanating from my skull. It felt as if something carved out my eye, and was currently fucking me in the socket with it’s 12-inch horse-cock. I couldn't move, or bring my hands to my head. Very faintly, through the pain, there was an imminent warmth above me. I shivered madly, trying to shake off whatever was above me.
My efforts were short-lived, as a rough claw descended forcefully onto my head, I stopped shaking, and breathing.
“That’s better boy, ssssh calm down, the medicine will kick in soon,” a feminine voice spoke from above.
Oh, okay. The medicine, my groggy brain thought, that’s good... Wait... Medicine!? Oh shit, she drugged me!? What did she put in me? Was it poison? Fuck, am I gonna die!?
The female… Whatever on top of me evidently saw my panic, as she leaned over to hiss into my ear, “Calm now, boy. It’ll be alright. You won’t be harmed, yet. Now watch.”
She turned my head to the bright-tv, the light didn't burn my eyes. Maybe the ‘medicine’ was some kind of painkiller? Taking my thoughts away from the medicine, I focused on the TV. It was playing a news jingle, and the words: Channel 4 news flashed across the screen.
A pony, tan colored with a brunette mane appeared sitting on his desk. He flashed a winning smile to the audience, and said in a charismatic tone, “Hello Equestria, I’m your news host, Flash Letter. Today in Canterlot, a burglary has taken place. The noble house of Avernus was robbed of it’s valuables and heirloom. Though, as devastating it may be to our much-beloved Captain Avernus, there is still some hope for the case. As you're going to see from the security footage, the alleged perpetrator is believed to be a human.”
Grainy security footage covered the screen, as Flash’s voice narrated over the actions it showcased, “As you can see in this footage from security cameras located across the street, you can clearly see a human, with what looks like a satchel in hoof, running across the roof, and onto the ground. Then up and over the fence!”
The footage cut out, showing the Anchor-pony again, ”Unfortunately, that is all the footage we have of this Burglarious Hominid. As of right now, the guard has put out a 4,000 bit bounty on the human’s safe return to the Avernus family, and an additional 2,000, for the recovery of the stolen goods.”
The T.V was turned off suddenly, casting my unprepared eyes into almost pitch-black darkness. Like wet, black velvet.
“Oh my, I get a choice!” Said the feminine tone above me, with an excited yet barbarous dertone that spoke of nothing but than unpleasant topics, “Choices are wonderful, don’t you think? If everything was written down from the beginning, it must take a brave soul to change the script. I can change your script. I could see if the guild could use you, I could turn you into the guard, and let you live out your short life to the sounds of caterwauling nobles, I could lock you up behind walls and padding, forever my toy, or I could kill you. I would enjoy some nice, fresh meat. Especially the ribs, so juicy. If only you could understand the words coming out of my mouth.”
Just try to eat or bind me bitch, I might be drugged, but I’m not going to be abused or killed for your pleasure. Rather, the so called predator will fall prey to what has learned to kill and eat it’s predators.
“It’s so much more fun when the thing you can talk to can understand you,” She spoke again, in a mocking whisper, making me shiver in repressed anger. “ Or can you understand me ? I always wondered what animals think. I’m not like ponies, who think all animals think about is food, water, and sex. I’d like to think everything has more than those simple thoughts.”
Lady, if only you knew... And if only I wasn't too afraid to speak.
She then proceeded to pick up a old-timey telephone, one of those that actually used cables. The bells inside clanked, as she moved it. Good lord, it has honest-to-god bells in it! When she had it where she wanted it, she picked up the receiver and proceeded to dial a number. The phone rung for some time, before the call was picked up.
“Hello, Night Fence, it’s me. I have that human they talked about on the news. I also am in possession of the valuables he stole,” She paused, evidently listening to someone, “Please, give me a chance. This could be huge! He’s not dumb, he’s been trained well, if he could steal an entire safe-full of valuables, and escape guards. If we can get him to obey us, and train him some, we’d have an amazing tool at our disposal,” Another pause, before the… female ruffled her feathers in excitement, “Ohmygosh! Thank you!”
She hung up the phone, and rushed towards a closet. It was then that I got a good look at my captor. Imagine my surprise, when I realised she was a griffon. Eagle-headed, lion body, wings. Fit the description perfectly. Her licorice-hued feathers glinted in the small beams of light that pierced through the closed curtains,some of her feathers had white tips, especially the feathers around the neck. Forming a natural band of white on her neck.
I could only see so much through the dark room, vaguely I could see her picking cloth items out. Before long, she had gathered up what I assumed was a full set of clothing for me. My assumptions were proven correct, as she had flown back to me with vigor, and began to forcibly put the clothes unto me. The first thing I had noticed about my new outfit, was the amount of tropical-colored feathers, and lacework contained upon it. I guess I should start from the feet up.
My news shoes/boots were pointed, much in the way a jester’s shoes were. The pants upon my shins were colored a rich, royal purple with an argyle pattern. A bootstrap and a ruffle of brightly plumed feathers pointed downward in a shuttlecock-esque manner. From the knees up, the color of the cloth leggings changed to a brilliant vermilion, with the areas around my nether region colored a bright russet.
A plum colored velvet waistcoat descended to my knees, with the same argyle pattern that was on my greaves. To accent the bottom of the waistcoat, a magnificent coil of the plumed feathers, descending downwards in the pattern of green, purple, and red. At the waist, I possessed two belts, one was secure, and had a simple oval buckle. While the other one was loose, and possessed a square buckle. If to add flair, and flower brooch had been placed upon the side of the belt.
The argyle-patterned velvet continued up along my sides, leaving the chest and abdomen to display a magnificent lime-green undershirt, with what looked like a heart shaped chest-piece attached to shirt, however I would not be able to tell the true shape of the chest-piece just yet, as a white jabot was covering the top part of it, along with a brooch similar to the one upon my hip.
From my shoulder-pieces extended more green and purple feathers. The argyle velvet completely covered my arms, and left my hands untouched, a cone of feather were at my elbows, they were long and plentiful on the outside of the joint, but practically non-existent at the joint’s turning point, allowing free movement of my elbows. Finally, my sleeves ended with a small, hollowed cylinder of white-green feathers around my hands.
“You look amazing! Thank goodness Dewey’s old clothes fit you. It’s the middle of winter in Canterlot, and being the skinny ape you are, you’d freeze!”
Oh, please. Cold has no grip on me. The only time I go inside, is if I begin to feel freeze-burn in the vestigial lobes of my ear.
Then, I felt the coup de grâce snap around my neck. A collar, with a leash attached, I had to suppress very violent thoughts at that moment. As much as I might want to strangle her for attaching the collar to me, I could understand where she is coming from. She thinks I am an animal, and is doing what she was told all her life on how to keep a pet safe, and others.
She opened the door, and tugged on the leash. I chose to follow her, as tug of war involving my neck would be rather quite painful. I followed her down the alley that I had run down, who knows how long ago, and out into the street. Ponies and various other races walked about to and fro. Some had dogs, some had the troglodytes they call humans beside them. Some of the ponies would stop, and ogle at me. Most of them mares, for obvious reasons. Not wanting my mind to be within a gutter at that point in time, I simply paid them no mind and continued walking with the Griffon.
She walked up to what I assumed was a bar, and upon a sign were the words. The Laughing Human was written in steel bars. The she-griffon tugged on my leash as she pulled me closer to the doors, and inside the building. The smell of booze, sweat, and probably sex if the upstairs rooms had what I thought in them, assaulted my nostrils. Naturally I flinched, unprepared for the stinging smell of alcohol. Now, walking a very tall human into a bar did attract some attention. I was beginning to get nervous, as several mares looked at me with lust dripping from their eyes. I don’t even want to describe the looks in the stallions eyes, they’d rip my Pixie-Stick off if I tried a move on their mare.
The she-griffon was leaning over the counter, whispering in the bartenders ear. Gesturing with his hoof, we followed him behind the counter. Then down a flight of stairs into the cellar. Tavish Degroot would be proud at the large assortment of alcoholic beverages stored within the cellar. Beer, Wine, Gin, Scotch, Absinthe, Ale, Rum, Whiskey, Vodka, Cider, and the best for last, MEAD! However, they wouldn't let me near the bottles.
“ Heel boy! You don’t want what is in those bottles. We need you to not be presentable, and getting us gold, not glugging it down.”
We were led to an old dusty slot machine, cobwebs enveloped it’s rusted form. Why the bartender would lead this griffon to this obviously broken machine, it-
My train of thought was interrupted as the bartender pulled a lever. Landing a 7/7/7 the slot machine slid away, probably magic, noting the lack of wheels, and seemingly friction-less passage. To show a very small tunnel for me, but perfect for a pony height. I was soon forced into a crouching position, and crawling upon my hands and knees, at one point, I had to get on my belly and crawl. The she-griffon was no different, this passage was difficult to cross, and would delay would be pursuers.
We soon came upon a torch and lantern lit cistern, ponies, griffons, and what look like a blue and yellow dragon. Were sitting in a ramshackle “tavern” that extended into the water basin in the center of the cistern. Upon spotting the she-griffon next to me, a pony shouted out. “ ‘Ello Wind Whistle, haven’t seen you in a bit. How goes the “marketing” ?” He said marketing loosely, implying that it was not marketing, or at the least. Illegally marketing.
“ Wait a minute, I've seen that human before. It’s the one from that news story, the one the guards put up a reward for. Whistle are you going to turn him in yourself, or are you going to offer it to anyone else here ?”
“ No, cutter bags. If you paid attention to it, whoever he belonged to before. Has trained him exceedingly well, if he could steal possessions behind locked safes, and doors. I’m taking him to boss and see if we can’t train him to follow our orders, and train him a few things if possible.”
The so called Cutter Bags spoke up again. “ Well that may be all fine and dandy, but I seriously doubt he’d perform better than some greenhorn we pull in off the streets.” I wanted to slap that smug grin off his drink-sloughed face. However, with a collar tied around my neck, I was powerless to move beyond its length.
“ We’ll have to wait and see about that, cutter. However, if we can train him like I think we can, we might be able to train him for a Human Show. If so, we can bring in a lot of extra revenue from the prize money.”
Cutter replied. “ Point taken, now take him to wherever you were planning to take him.”
Whistler nodded, and pulled suddenly on my leash, causing me to stumble forward. She chuckled at my clumsy display, amused that I was staring intently at “Cutter Bags”. I gave him a huge, creepy, toothy grin and waved. Before I was dragged through a false backboard of a cupboard.
This time, a different cistern greeted my eyes, all around the cistern were various shelves, beds, desks, chests, and barrels. There were 4 different tunnels, 1 lead to a set of locked metal doors, probably a treasury judging by the largeness of the doors, and the dual locks. On the left-hand tunnel, was lit brightly by actual light-bulbs. The smell of food, and the distant drone of chatter resonated down the stone hall. The right-hand tunnel had various mannequins, both pony and human on the outside. Along with archery targets, light-bulbs suited for fog-lights, swords and daggers. It was my best guess that the area was dedicated to training.
Last but not least, there was the last tunnel, leading downwards. Which Whistle was currently leading me too, this tunnel was torch and lantern lit. The flames casting dancing light that reflected off the moist masonry. Forming sparkling orange droplets of water that dazzled the eyes, and perplexed and simulated the imagination. However, in the words of Sweet Brown “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” As Whistle continued dragging me along. Rather than paying attention to the hall itself, I chose instead to focus upon the light reflected by the moist stone. Missing almost all of the grey-painted wooden doors. They were very well camouflaged, to the untrained and unfocused eye.
However, at the end of the tunnel we came upon a final door, double doors that I might add. Obviously something, or someone important were behind these doors. Whistle slowly opened the door. If it weren't for the dull, monotonous tunnels outside. I would've thought we teleported into a nice home in the wilderness. A warm, bright orange fire roasted in a cobblestone fireplace. Various bits and bobbles of gold, silver, amethyst, sapphires, diamonds, topaz, quartz, rubies, and all mannerisms of valuable materials were displayed upon the walls. Wooden floors of oak graced my soggy feet, the soft wood a huge relief for my stone battered soles. Intricate rugs and draperies of varying design graced the floor and walls. However, there was only 1 more thing I could see in the fire light.
A pony sitting at a desk, a cherry wood desk at that. Puffing a cigar, and a surprised look in his eyes.
“ So Whistle, this is your so called. ‘Human Burglar ?’. “
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