yeah so it turns out waiting almost an entire year to bother caring for your amalgamation zombie is a bad way to keep it alive
so
it died
we are sorry (except for the troll who is known as Chuckward (previously Nunchucks), who did not participate in the construction of this chapter (so ‘we are’ is really ‘i am’))

– a message from your local retard squad

Meanwhile, in yet another storylineally-challenged universe…

Twilight Sparkle woke up with a sweaty gasp.

“Spike! I just had the most horriblest dream!”

Spike, infatuated with Twilight Sparkle as always, immediately (technically only hastily, not immediately; immediateness implies teleportation, which Spike is not yet capable of (wait, saying ‘yet’ is a spoiler; I apologize)) rushed to her sweaty gasped-seconds-ago-but-is-no-longer-gasping side.

“What’s wrong, m’lady?” said Sir Spike (knighted by Queen Elizabeth II herself), with a tip of his trilby (not a fedora, you uneducated fuck).

Twilight Sparkle’s pupils dilated as if she were a teenager who just smoked a dank and Holy™ joint.

“Spike? Where did you get that ridiculously euphoric hat? Where did that armor” (which he has and I forgot to mention it i apologize) “come from?”

“A wrinkly old meatbag named Elizabeth Alexandra Mary, born in London on the 21st of April in the 1926th year of our lord, who is the Head of the Commonwealth and the queen of several places which no one gives a shit about, mistook me for someone else because she is 90 years old and her eyes no longer function in a correct manner.”

“And what is the purpose of this knighthood, Sir Spike?” queried Twilight Sparkle with a bedpony bow or curtsie pie or whatever it is sexy female unicorns do.

Spike moved one leg backward, kneeled forward, and thrust an arm forward (kinda like that standard superhero flying pose, but on the ground).

“I am here to defend Equestria from the Mexicans!”

“What? Spike, you can’t say that! It’s racist! We love having Mexicolts here!” complained Twilight Sparkle.

“No, little purple pony. The truth is, when Mexico sends its persons here, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending cute purple unicorns or awesome cyan (not blue) flappy not-unicorns. They’re sending persons that have lots of problems and they’re fucking up our shit with those problems. They’re bringing illegal performance-enhancing crystals, they’re bringing disharmony, they’re breeding-forcers, and some, I assume, know how to meme.”

⁂ 8====D ⁂

Donald John Trump awakens with a dry gasp.

“Someone just plagiarized me.”

⁂ 8====D ⁂

Biblemann awakens with a gaspual gasp.

“My existence is being ignored! Winkletoes dammit!”

to
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Author's Note

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also the doc is at https://docs.google.com/document/d/17ZAYQBTW_7H-BYy90IJI3jPYwizJFVMKVQMNoPdx5vg/edit?usp=sharing