ALEXANDER: Premeire

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I am pleased to hear that all is well and good among you and your friends. I hereby release you from your assignment to gather daily in order to be sure Discord’s manipulation is gone. Though, I would be delighted, and I think you will be as well, if you continue.
You know that I trust your judgment implicitly, my faithful student. I have reviewed the Ponyville psychiatrist’s findings on Alexander, the stallion in question, and her observations fit your theory, though she reached a different conclusion. Both I and my faithful advisor have decided that we must discuss the matter of the alien more completely. Your last letter unfortunately came to me somewhat abridged, though, and if you are right, there is a chance that his knowledge should be kept confidential for the time being. Therefore, I would like both you and Alexander to come to Canterlot to meet with us personally at your earliest convenience. Feel free to bring whichever of your friends wants to come along; I will have rooms available at the castle for each of them.

Your affectionate mentor,

Princess Celestia

Spike looked up from the letter, and tried to draw attention away from one passage in particular. “’Alexander’, huh? How come you never told me his name, Twilight?”

Twilight Sparkle glanced at her number one assistant, looking amused. “You know what, come to think of it, we never did find that out. But trust me, if you had been there, you wouldn’t have cared either.” She started trotting toward the door. Whew, it worked.

Then she stopped. “Oh, and Spike?”

Uh-oh! “Yeah?”

“From now on, write down everything I say. I trust you with my friendship reports.” She said it gently, but firmly.

Spike tried to look small. “Sorry.”

Twilight smiled. “I forgive you. Hey, would you tell the hospital staff to have Alexander go to Canterlot when he’s released?”

Eager to get back into Twilight’s good graces, Spike exclaimed, “Sure thing!” He was out the door before she herself made it that far.

=====

“Is this everyone?” asked Alexander to the nearly empty hospital room.

He had slept poorly the previous night, not getting to sleep until late and waking up early. As soon as the nurse walked by, he had requested that she help him send six letters. She had been hostile, until he explained that he was asking the girls he had antagonized yesterday to come here briefly so he could apologize in person. The fact that he had had to dictate the letters—giving her control over what was written—had most likely helped, too. In the letter, he had explained that he had been transported from another world, hopefully without sounding too crazy. The nurse had assured him that the early mail was extraordinarily fast here. Half of him began to doubt that, though, as only one of the six had showed up as midmorning rolled around. Oh, and the nurse had used magic to hold the pen. Alex was not even surprised anymore.

Fluttershy shrank back a little. “I-I guess.” After a pause, she continued, “Maybe the others didn’t get your letters, I mean, Applejack’s usually really busy, and Rainbow Dash…” She quieted again into silence as she saw Alex frown.

Alex immediately realized his mistake. “No, no, I’m not mad at you; this is all my fault. All right, if this is it, then here goes.” He mentally went back over the speech outline he had prepared during the free hours staring at the ceiling.

His reflection was interrupted by Zach, suddenly standing behind Fluttershy. “I don’t believe this,” he sighed, disgusted. “Words cannot describe the magnitude of how pathetic this is.”

“Shut it, you,” bit out Alex under his breath. Then, in a normal tone of voice, he began, “Fluttershy, I acted inexcusably yesterday. You people saved me, from I don’t really know what, and not only made sure I was all right but came back the next day to be certain. In response, I…treated you all like you were beneath me. I mocked your mannerisms, your looks, your whole world. I see now that that was wrong. My only excuse is that I was confused by a place so much different from what I’m used to—but I said all that in the letter. Will you forgive me?” That speech was more eloquent in my head.

Then the yellow pegasus smiled. It was a massive relief from last night’s self-recriminations, and he scrambled to keep from smiling back really sappily, or, heaven forbid, tearing up. Now that I thought that—dang! He shut his eyes tightly.

A moment later, he felt a pair of arms—well, forelegs—wrapped around him, and a head resting on his shoulder. “Of course I forgive you.”

Alex honestly couldn’t remember the last time a girl had hugged him, outside his family, when there wasn’t some sort of societal obligation involved. It felt good.

Alex hugged back, as hard as he could.

When they separated, he was smiling gratefully. “Thanks. I needed that. Now, where are the rest of you? I’ve got more apologies to make.” And maybe they won’t be as hard as I thought.

He slid off the bed to leave, and planted his face in the floor.

Fluttershy darted back over. “Oh dear! Are you hurt?”

Alex raised himself up on his elbows. Is that what they’re called on a horse? “Yep,” he said, “just fine. Did I mention that I’m used to walking on two legs?” Fluttershy nodded. “Say, you wouldn’t mind teaching me to, ah, walk, would you?”

One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, Alexander counted to himself as he moved with difficulty away from the locked boutique. He was actually glad that Rarity was away; he had not been looking forward to another conversation with her quite yet. His jawbone gave a twinge of pain in agreement. Now to the bakery. According to Fluttershy, Pinkie shouldn’t be hard to apologize to, but just in case… He started to go back over his speech, forgot about the count, lost track of which leg was supposed to move next, and went down in a heap. It was his fourteenth fall total, and his third since leaving the hospital.

He knew those exact numbers because Zach had been keeping count. “Fourteen.”

“You’re. Not. Helping,” growled Alex quietly. He stood up and walked the rest of the way to Sugarcube Corner’s front door without incident, and looked around at the building’s garish color scheme. “Place’ll give you a seizure,” he murmured as he pushed the door open.

He found himself looking down the muzzle of the widest-bore artillery piece he’d ever seen. Holy crap!

He froze, and looked up at the gun’s operator. Pinkie Pie was standing atop the barrel, sporting a flattened ‘doughboy’ helmet. She leaned toward him, grinning, and shouted, “Haaaaands up!”

Alexander completely forgot himself and reared back on his hind legs. He remembered how silly that response was just in time to fall over backward. BOOM went the cannon, elevated just above him, and sprayed confetti everywhere. Pinkie hopped down beside him, helmet gone, and asked, beaming, “Did I getcha?”

Alex stared up in shock for a moment. Then he fully processed the utter ludicrousness of the entire situation, and gave a huge belly laugh. He saw Fluttershy digging herself out of a confetti drift across the street, and laughed even harder. It took him some time to get himself under control. Confound these ponies, they drive me to feel emotion, he thought with a chuckle.

He picked himself up, and took a deep breath. “Pinkie Pie, I—”

“I forgive you,” she chirped.

Alex stopped. There was silence for a moment, then Pinkie continued, “Well, you were all Jerky McJerkface over there in the hospital so I was all sad and stuff but all my customers cheered me up so I kinda forgot about you sorry about that but then I got your letter this morning and I was all like ‘Whoa! Maybe he’s not Jerky McJerkface!’ and I was gonna come right over there but I figured it would be even more fun if it was a party so I had just finished loading my party cannon when I saw you come out and so I decided to prank you instead! Isn’t that great?”

Alex gave her a grin. Zach, make yourself useful and repeat back to me everything she just said, but more slowly.

Zach appeared behind Pinkie Pie, smirking, with his arms crossed. “Fifteen.” Alexander’s smile vanished, as he glared at the apparition.

Pinkie whipped around and stared right at Zach. “Hey! Don’t you go ruining our fun! If you haven’t got anything nice to say, just be quiet and leave us alone!” she snapped.

Both human and former human goggled at the pink pony. Did she just… Alex once again burst out laughing as he saw Zach’s face. When he stopped, Zach was gone, and Pinkie was whispering into his own ear.

“I know how bad they can get sometimes. Don’t worry, he’ll go away eventually.” She pulled away and looked past him. “Hey, Fluttershy! How are the animals?”

=====

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! The impacts echoed across the orchard.

“Hey Applejack, it took you three tries to buck that one,” said the cyan pegasus lounging in a tree. “Maybe you ought to take a break.”

Applejack surveyed the full baskets of apples, then lay down at the base of Rainbow Dash’s tree and brushed the sweat off her face with her hat. “Is a nap your idea to fix ever’thing?” she asked, grinning.

“Aaaah, you know I’m right.” Because I’m awesome. “And besides, I can nap all I want. I’m done with work for today.”

Applejack turned over to look at her friend directly above her. “Yeah, all o’ ten seconds worth. That there’s real tough.” The two bantered back and forth for a time while the farmpony cooled off. “Hey, did you check your mail this mornin’?”

“Uh, sure.” A few advertisements, the usual wrong address letters, one from that jerk at the hospital, and one from the airspace owners’ association. “It was all junk. Why?”

“Didja read that one from the hospital?”

The pegasus sneered. “No, I tossed it. Who wants to read what he writes?”

Applejack had a dark look on her face. “If you had, you mighta had a laugh. Ah ain’t seen such a silly pack o’ lies in all mah born days. He actually expects me to believe that he’s some sorta alien who got yanked here and turned into a pony. Ah’m insulted, to tell the truth.”

Rainbow Dash laughed. “Hey, maybe if we see him around, he’ll let me borrow his flying saucer.” Then she looked out toward the road. “Speak of the devil.”

Applejack turned. “He is not comin’ on mah family’s property and sullyin’ it with his…anything,” growled Applejack. She donned her hat, stood up, and trotted toward the solitary gray earth pony coming up the path. Rainbow followed in the air.

“Hey! You!” yelled Rainbow Dash. The stallion jerked, tripped, and fell on his face. Rainbow snorted. Not so smug now, is he? Hey, Applejack’s got more muscle than he does! Maybe I’ll get to see her kick his tail in a fight!

The stallion picked himself up and looked at the two mares, then let out a long sigh. “This could be difficult. Did either of you read my letter?”

Applejack was already scowling. “Ah read all Ah needed to.”

The visitor grimaced. Not smirking this time, are you? “Well, in case you didn’t, my name is Alexander. Everything—”

Rainbow cut him off. “Alek Zander? What does that mean?”

The gray pony looked mystified. “What do you mean, ‘What does that mean?’”

“I mean, ‘What does that mean?’ Names mean things, lame brain.” She spoke very slowly. “I’m Rainbow Dash, because I’m really fast. Applejack farms apples.”

The stallion’s foreleg muscles noticeably tightened, though his voice remained steady. “Names are different where I come from. It actually does mean something, but I suspect that you don’t care.”

Rainbow looked at Applejack below. “He’s right.”

Applejack glanced at Rainbow Dash, then back at Alexander. “Keep goin’.”

Alex took a deep breath. “Everything I wrote in the letter is true. Now, whether you believe me or not is your choice. Please, though, accept my apology for my behavior earlier.” He gave a short spiel on how his words were uncalled for, and Rainbow tuned out. After he finished, there was a short silence as the two mares squinted at him.

Applejack was the first to respond. “You know what? Ah think that you’re tellin’ the truth, or at least you think it’s the truth.” Alexander started to relax, but the farmpony put a stop to that immediately. “Ah also think that you meant every word you said in the hospital room. That don’t make sense to me.”

Alexander was silent for a moment. “I was…operating under incorrect assumptions back then. I was having difficulty adjusting to this…place, like I said in the letter. I recant it all, and it won’t happen again.”

Seriously, does he always talk like this? wondered Rainbow Dash.
Applejack looked at him for a moment more. “Tell you what. Ah’ll accept your apology, on one condition. It better not ever happen again.”

Alexander turned to look at the hovering pegasus. “Ehhh, I’ll go with what Applejack said. See you around!” She rocketed away from the two earth ponies, skimming a little closer than necessary over a dark blue mane. She was rewarded with a frightened yelp. I could get to like this guy. I bet he’s an easy mark for more pranks.

=====

Twilight Sparkle proudly presented Alexander’s letter to Princess Celestia, in a private audience room off the Canterlot throne room. She had picked it up just after Spike left, and read it on the way to the train station. It confirmed everything she had surmised about Alexander, with much more detail than she could have deduced with just her books. Unfortunately, it also confirmed that he could not use magic at all, which meant that either his magic shield was a natural property of his race or some unicorn had put it on him. If the first, how did he manage to get inside that cavern? When she had looked around, she had found a dead-end in every direction. If the second, who was the unicorn? There was always the possibility that he was lying, though. She wouldn't be surprised if he was.

Celestia finished reading the letter and smiled at her student. “It appears that your conclusions are confirmed, Twilight. Excellent work. I am impressed,” she said. Twilight flushed; it was always a great honor to be praised by a mentor with millennia of experience in, well, everything. “I would like to know, though; did he apologize as he promised?”

That threw Twilight for a loop. “Uh, what was that again? Sorry.”

“Did he apologize when you went to visit him, as he requested?” asked the Princess. Wise Counsel, a green pegasus stallion with yellow mane and tail, and Celestia’s advisor of three years, held up the letter to indicate it.

“Uhhh…” The thought had never crossed Twilight's mind. She grinned in embarrassment. “Well, I wanted to get here as quickly as possible, and I would have missed the early train if I had visited him. I figured it would be okay, since he’s coming to Canterlot anyway…” She trailed off as she saw her mentor’s disappointment.

“Twilight, I asked you to come at your earliest convenience. Remember that you are in Ponyville to research and cultivate the magic of friendship. From now on, you should put that duty before a less important one, such as this meeting.” Her face and tone of voice were not harsh, but Twilight always felt dreadfully ashamed when she let her beloved mentor down in any way.

The unicorn kneeled with her face to the floor. “I’m sorry, Princess. I’ll do better next time.”

Celestia used her forehoof to raise Twilight to a standing position. “I’m sure you will. I am not the one to whom you should apologize, though. You will need to get Alexander’s forgiveness when he arrives.”

Twilight looked up at the Princess. “What if he doesn’t apologize like he promised?”

Celestia smiled enigmatically down at Twilight. “Then I trust you to use your judgment. We are finished here, until Alexander arrives. I will see you soon, my faithful student.” Celestia left the room, and returned to her throne to resume the Morning Court.
Wise Counsel returned the letter. “Yours and Miss Rarity’s rooms should be ready by now; when you are unpacked, you should still have time before the three o’ clock train pulls in. Good day, Twilight Sparkle.”

=====

So far, so good, thought Alexander as his train braked to a halt at the station on top of the mountain. He supposed that most people he knew would have hated it. The train was decorated in the same style as Sugarcube Corner, though more subdued, not that that was saying much. The girls in his coach had sung this song that had stuck in his head worse than that blasted “Small World” one from Disneyworld. Finally, the whole train had rolled along with a bounce he could swear had gotten more pronounced as it neared its destination.

He could care less about any of that. It was a train! Being pulled behind a steam locomotive! He considered himself every inch a respectable male, but that doesn’t stop me being a railfan. The train crew had answered his questions, if a bit patronizingly. Maybe I should have held off on asking if the locomotive talked. Even Zach had not shown his ugly face since Pinkie’s scolding earlier. When he came to think of it, almost everyone had talked to him as if he were a child so far, except those six mares and the nurse—in other words, anyone who had spent some time with him. This, he discovered, was because he lacked a ‘cutie mark,’ a picture that magically appeared on one’s side when one uncovered one’s special talent. Lacking one at his age, when people were ordinarily self-sufficient, was apparently incredibly rare here. He contemplated that as he gazed out the window, at least until the city came into view.

The engineering here is just incredible! he marveled. The train climbs what has to be upwards of a ten percent grade, through tunnels stacked on top of each other, which are perfectly ventilated given that I don’t smell smoke from the locomotive, to a city alternately carved out of a mountain and hanging off its edge! He looked around as he stepped out onto the platform, and nearly walked into the pony waiting for him.

He stopped. His jaw throbbed. Rarity, across from him, looked at him coolly. Alex winced, and hesitantly asked, “Did you get my letter?”

“Yes.” Her facial expression did not change.

“Right, then.” He launched into his speech. Some ponies stopped to listen; Alex ignored them. He finished with, “Your right hook is impeccable, by the way. It helped snap me out of it.”

She smiled at that last. “So you do have manners after all. Of course I forgive you. I am, after all, a lady, not to mention the Element of Generosity.”

“And a pony every pony should know,” finished Alexander.

Rarity’s eyes almost sparkled. “Exactly!” She looked at him appraisingly. “Thank you for remembering that.”

“The eidetic memory helps,” he replied. He tapped his head with one forehoof, and managed not to fall down again.

“Aha!” said Rarity. “Shall we go? Twilight asked me to meet you here, since she hasn’t quite finished unpacking yet. We have some time before you’re scheduled to meet the Princess, so we can eat lunch if you would like.”

Alex nodded. “I’d like that very much. Do you know the city well? Would you show me around some? It looks incredible.”

Rarity gasped, “Oh, but it IS incredible! Such architecture! Such fashion! Such style! Oh, we will have the BEST time in Canterlot!”

Alex prayed that he would be able to stay on his hooves.

=====

An hour, several miles, and the names of most of the city’s ponies of note later, the two of them sat down at a small open-air café. My goodness! I haven’t asked him anything about his home yet! she realized. Seriously, Rarity, you are the host here! “I simply must know, darling. In your home, Earth, what do they call beautiful?”

That appeared to stump her companion. “Mmh,” he grunted. After a moment of thought, he asked, “Do you mean, like, philosophically? Or just style and fashion? Please don’t say the first.”

Rarity chuckled. “Now, would a lady ask a question like that in a place like this?”

Alex gave a relieved whew. Then he began, “Before I answer that, let me warn you that I’ve only seen one country on my planet, and only one region of it at that, so what you’ll get from me isn’t nearly the whole picture. Okay, here goes. I told you in the letter basically how a human is shaped. Normally we wear two main articles of clothing, a shirt and pants; it’s considered unacceptable not to wear these in public. We wear hats if our job requires it or if we want to make a fashion statement, more or less than it looks like ponies treat clothes in general.” He continued briefly on clothing, then architecture, sculpture, and painting. Rarity listened with rapt attention.

When he finished, the food had come. Rarity enthused, “You really do sell yourself short, Alex. That was as detailed a description as I could have possibly wanted.” If a bit uninvolved, but one can’t have everything.

The stallion smiled gratefully. “I never really did pay attention to that kind of thing. Like I said, I mostly enjoy mechanics. I was studying to be an engineer when…” He waved his forehoof vaguely, and Rarity nodded.

“I noticed, though,” she said, “that you didn’t say what you consider beautiful.”

Alex apparently did not need to consider his answer to that one. “Hands,” he replied immediately, with an ironic twist of his mouth. “They’re perfect for grasping, climbing, holding someone else’s…they’re just beautiful.”
Abruptly, somepony else arrested Rarity’s full attention. “Oh, my goodness, that’s Hoity Toity! The most famous fashion designer of the decade! I’m sorry, Alex, but you must excuse me for a moment.”

=====

Lex Rex leaned over the lunch table to look at his client. The newly graduated lawyer was an amber unicorn with a teal mane done in a subdued style. In the courtroom, he would have had it made taller to take advantage of his already respectable height. The other was a sturdily built orange pegasus stallion with an imposing black-and-gray mane and teeth marks in one ear. I’m going to have to ask him about those sometime. “Focus, Cloud Burst,” he said with a grin. “I think the Element of Generosity is a little out of your league. Besides, I thought you already had somepony.”

The pegasus jerked his gaze away from the passing mare. “Not as much as I’d like. And a guy can look.”

“Yep,” chuckled Lex Rex, “that he can.” He started to summarize their progress. “Okay. So far, we’ve established that the incident had extenuating circumstances: Blueblood’s behavior immediately prior.”

“That shwaek.” Cloud Burst found it difficult to even obliquely refer to the noblepony without slipping into Old Griffon profanity.

“True,” cautioned the lawyer, “but for Celestia’s sake, don’t say that in court. We’ve also established some degree of temporary insanity on your part.”

“And to do that, you had to make it sound like I’m completely nuts about Marine Life.”

“You could have just watched your language around Prince Blueblood.” Surely you’ve heard what he’s like!

“He asked for it.” The pegasus scowled.

“Maybe, but you know the disrespect laws. You—”

“—can’t talk this way or that to your hereditary superior, I’ve heard it enough already. Look, she was up there giving her paper, and Blueblood the srayfet interrupts her to tell her that it’s no good!”

“I’m not saying he didn’t ask for it, you just could have handled it better.” Lex Rex secretly thought that nopony ought to get privileges other ponies didn’t. The feudal law had been around for so long, though, and usually worked, so he kept his mouth shut about it.

He concluded the summary, “Ultimately, unless their counsel pulls out something completely new tomorrow, I think you’re going to get off.”

“Good.” Cloud Burst glanced around the café. “Hey, why is everypony so quiet all of a sudden?”

A diminutive gray earth pony with a dark blue mane trotted up to their table. He looked annoyed. “Do you mind if I sit with you two? Some people here have way too much time on their hands.”

Lex Rex wondered at the odd diction as he levitated his papers into his briefcase. “Sure, it’s a four-pony table. We just finished up business.” The visitor sat next to Cloud Burst.

Two pegasi the lawyer did not recognize followed soon after. Both their manes and fur were shades of brown, and both were very muscular. The leader even had a dumbbell cutie mark, while the other had a hoofball one. The eyes of the room followed them as they came up to the table.

The darker brown one gave an exaggerated gasp. “Look who you found to be your daddy! Burster! How’s the ear?” The two of them sniggered.

Their cutie marks are wrong. Their special talent is grating on ponies’ nerves, observed Lex Rex. Also, that explains the ear.

The second pegasus opened up. “Bar Keep! A glass of milk for the widdle baby pony!” He ruffled the first visitor’s blue mane, and kept his hoof there when its owner tried to swat the hoof away.

Meanwhile, Cloud Burst’s wings were slowly extending. “Hey, you two. How’s about you pick on somepony your own age? So he’s bigger than most foals! So what?”

The visitor put his head in his forehooves. “Oh, thanks a heap,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

The two bullies focused on the other pegasus. “I haven’t seen you since flight school, Burster! Or about halfway through it, anyway.” The two laughed again. “Did you manage to hold a job?”

“Go. Away,” growled Cloud Burst, wings almost fully extended. The earth pony was surreptitiously edging away from one wingtip.

The bullies put on mock frightened expressions. “Look out, everypony! Burster’s gonna burst!”

The orange pegasus lunged out of his chair with a snarl. He landed on the opposite side of the table as the two antagonists, and bucked it end-over toward them.

Lex Rex dove away from the flying table. I heard he had a short temper, but this is ridiculous!

Meanwhile, both bullies had dodged the table, which scattered café patrons along its flight. Cloud Burst was in the air in an instant, landing a painful-looking blow on the hoofball pony’s muzzle. Then he flying-tackled the dumbbell pony. Other ponies fled the café in all directions.

Rex picked himself up and galloped over to where the two pegasi wrestled on the floor. Cloud Burst yelled in pain as the dumbbell pony bit his leg, and he retaliated with a buck to the midsection. Rex was almost to them when something knocked him over. It was the bloody-muzzled hoofball pony. The jerk grabbed his horn, inhibiting his magic, and tried to hold Lex down. Cloud Burst took repeated kicks in the rib cage.

Then a bottle flew over and shattered against Lex’s attacker’s head, stunning him. Lex picked himself up and looked for who had thrown the bottle. There was the earth pony, who snapped him a salute. Lex Rex grinned and returned it, then got up and yanked the dumbbell pony off Cloud Burst with magic. The orange pegasus leaped upright, battered but still defiant, and bellowed “Beat it!” at his tormentor.

The dumbbell pony looked at the two ponies facing him, then at his friend, who was struggling to stand. He muttered something under his breath and flew out of the café, followed erratically by his still-recovering accomplice. “Cziks,” spat Cloud Burst.

Lex Rex frowned at his client. He wondered whether all of that had been really necessary. “Do you want to hire me for the second case of my career?”

Burst looked around. “Naw, I’ll just pay the owner. No way would these two go after me. They don’t want ponies to know they lost. Thanks for having my back.”

The lawyer considered. “I guess they did kind of have it coming,” he admitted. “I wouldn’t have been able to help if not for the little guy, though.” They turned toward the visitor.

The earth pony still looked annoyed. “You know, where I come from, I’m an adult.” His expression softened. “That said, you’re welcome for the help; I’m glad I was able. My name’s Alexander. I’m new here.” He grinned wryly, as if he had amused himself with that last.

Lex Rex introduced himself and Cloud Burst. “An adult? How do you not…” He indicated the picture of a podium on his own flank. Alex shrugged.

“Hey,” said Cloud Burst, “the trial’s going to be over tomorrow. What do you say we do this again afterward? Lunch, I mean,” he corrected. The other two laughed.

=====

Twilight Sparkle tapped her hoof. What is taking him so long?

Four places—Wise Counsel, Princess Celestia, and herself, plus an empty chair—were arranged every ninety degrees, or pi-over-two radians, it’s a better unit, around a circular table, in one of the smaller palace conference rooms. Twilight was nervous. On the one hoof, the letter had seemed sincere, and he had apologized to Rarity; on the other, he had gotten into a fight the moment her back was turned. There were unusual circumstances, sure, but Twilight still didn’t want the alien to do the wrong thing and shame her in front of the Princess.

Celestia seemed to know what she was thinking. “It’s all right, Twilight. I won’t hold you responsible for any of our guest’s missteps,” she said, smiling reassuringly. Twilight smiled thankfully at her mentor, then looked to the door as it opened to admit the alien pony, walking with a slight limp. He sat down in his chair…without kneeling to the Princess! Twilight flushed a deep red, and went to apologize for the gaffe. Just in time, she remembered what Celestia had said, and stayed quiet.

If the Princess noticed the breach of etiquette, she made no mention of it. “Welcome, Alexander, to our kingdom. I trust you have found your stay so far agreeable?”

The alien gave a faint grin. “Thank you. And yes, I have enjoyed it very much, barring any…less than enjoyable events that were my own fault.”

The four exchanged several more pleasantries, with Alexander showing no ill will toward the Princess. Maybe he didn’t know to kneel, or he forgot about it. Introductions aside, the questions began. The Princess asked the first one. “What does your name mean, at your home?”

“It means something, but not in the pretty obvious way that names here apparently mean things. I was named after a famous king, Alexander the Great. He’s been called one of the greatest military strategists who ever lived. My dad was a military man, so I guess the name means that he had high hopes for me.” He snorted. “And that Dad did his research. He could’ve called me Hannibal.” At his audience’s confused looks, he elaborated, “One of the other greatest strategists. That name took on a very negative connotation after a murderer got nicknamed it; plus, another fictional murderer had it.” He winced.

Wise Counsel cleared his throat. “Ahem, yes. You understand that a visit such as yours is unprecedented. We must know something of you and your place of origin if we are to be sure of safeguarding our land,” he said.

Alex raised an eyebrow. “I understand.” He paused for a moment. “I’ll start with my place of origin. I’m positive that this is at least a different planet, if not a different universe, than my own. A different planet, because we’ve explored virtually the entirety of ours and not seen a civilization of talking ponies; a different universe, because humans have never observed, to my knowledge, any instance of magic. Though, you all do somehow speak English.” He frowned, and his eyes flicked to the room’s solitary window. Twilight looked, but there was nothing there.

“Oh! Before I forget,” Twilight broke in. “Princess, would you do me a favor? Sorry, Alex.” Alex made a ‘you’re fine’ motion with his forehoof. “Would you try to levitate him?”

“Levitate Alex?” asked Celestia. “Is this all right with you?” Alex nodded. A yellow aura formed around the Princess’ horn, as she bent her head toward the earth pony across the table. Nothing happened. After a few seconds, she knitted her brow, and the glow increased in intensity. A few seconds more, and everypony covered their eyes as the shine became unbearable. Then it dissipated. Twilight opened her eyes to see Alex in his chair still covering his, with Celestia now directly behind him. The Princess touched his shoulder with the tip of her horn, causing him to jump. Twilight thought she saw an impish grin appear on her mentor’s face, then vanish instantaneously. “That is quite an impressive ability,” she said, making her stately way back to her chair.

Alexander shrugged. “Well, I can’t say that I’ve noticed it before coming here. Not that I would have had any chance to.”

“Very well,” said Wise Counsel. “Continue with the story.”

The alien began again. “Where was I? Magic, lack thereof. Instead of magic, humans use technology—mechanics and electronics—to do what I guess magic does here: travel, lighting, manufacture, entertainment and so on. I’ve seen similarities; that locomotive I rode behind looked a lot like some I’ve seen from a hundred fifty years ago on Earth. They’re obsolete now.”

“What replaced them?” asked Twilight. Wait, I’m interrupting again, aren’t I?

Alex didn’t seem to mind. “Diesels. Them and—” He abruptly stopped, looking around at everypony’s faces. “You don’t know what that is, do you?” He grinned widely. “Awesome! There’s a patent office here, right?”

Wise Counsel did not look amused. “‘Diesels’ and…?”

Alex frowned at him. “I think I’ll keep that to myself for right now. It’s not important, anyway.”

Celestia quieted her advisor with a look. “I think he has the right to keep such minute details private if he so chooses. Continue, please,” she asked Alex.

He did. Twilight avoided interrupting further by writing questions on a scroll on the table before her. Sometime later, he finished, just as Twilight ran out of room on the back. “There’s an overview. Any questions so far?”

Twilight’s forehoof was in the air instantly. Princess Celestia chuckled. Even the normally dour Counsel smiled.

“How, technologically, do you move your sun? And how do multiple planets even work, anyway?”

Alex looked incredulous. “Move the sun? Do you have any idea how big a star is? We managed to visit the moon, and that’s it. Oh, and we built a big space station in orbit.”

That makes no sense. “So how do you get day and night?”

Alex looked confused, as if the answer was obvious. “Because the Earth rotates.”

“Neat!” Okay, so it’s reversed on their world. Their planet keeps presenting a different side to the sunlight.

Meanwhile, Alex had picked up on the implication. “Wait a minute. Do you mean to tell me that something moves that star?”

After some difficulty climbing the stairs, Alexander stood against the railing of one of Canterlot Castle’s higher balconies. His arms were crossed, and he looked very skeptical behind the sunglasses he had borrowed. Twilight Sparkle readied the spell that would allow her to transfer an image from her memory onto paper. His face is going to be perfect!

Princess Celestia declined to make a theatrical pronouncement before the demonstration. She spread her wings, and her entire body became shrouded in brilliant yellow light. Seconds later, the sun traced a slow, lazy circle high in the sky above the mountain, then returned to its original course.

Alexander stared in openmouthed astonishment at the sight. His glasses fell off, to land on the castle wall hundreds of lengths down and startle a guard. Celestia thoughtfully cast a magical light screen in front of him to protect his eyes. Twilight activated her spell, and with a thought directed the memory at a piece of specially prepared paper in her room. She had long since had it ready for just such an eventuality.

The earth pony slowly turned, eyes still wide as saucers, and said to the Princess, “If I have offended or annoyed you in any way, you have my most sincere apologies.”

The Princess gave her characteristic high, tinkling laugh. Twilight glanced sideways at Wise Counsel. He winked at her, as a tiny spark of magic flashed on his horn.

Twilight chuckled. Counsel had never seemed to have much trouble telling when ponies were hiding something. That didn’t mean he couldn’t be funny.

After Alex was shown to his lodgings, Twilight asked the Princess, “So what did you find out when you scanned him?” There was only one reason she would have touched him with her horn.

Celestia smiled approvingly. “Very observant, Twilight. What I found is perhaps the best confirmation of his testimony we have. I am certain that he has not been enchanted or shielded in any way, by himself or anypony else. Magic simply stops at the borders of his body.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard of anything like that.”

“Neither have I. That is why I am inclined to believe his stories of another world.”

“You’ve never heard of it?” Incredible, thought Twilight. That never happened. “So, what does that mean? For us?”

Celestia started down the hall to her own quarters. “I leave some of that to you. We will certainly learn more at the next session with him tomorrow. Until then, I have other work to do. Have a good day, Twilight Sparkle.”

=====

Moving into the castle had not been difficult for Alexander, as all the possessions he owned in the world fit easily in the small saddlebags the hospital had so kindly provided for him. He had turned off the electronic devices to preserve the batteries; fortunately, they both retained upwards of eighty percent charge. Surprisingly, it was not as difficult to function with hooves as he had thought it would be; the bottoms of his front ones seemed to have some kind of adhesive quality variable by him as easily as flexing a muscle. He assumed that it wasn’t magic. Maybe this is what Spider-man’s hands are like. The ‘stickiness’ had barely been enough to lift the bottle he threw in the fight, though, so he would not be climbing walls anytime soon.

That all paled, of course, in comparison to the things he’d learned that afternoon and evening. Not only was the white alicorn, Princess Celestia, powerful enough to move this world’s star around in a little circle, but she was immortal. The former human’s real life experiences gave no help on how to deal with power of this magnitude, so he fell back on Tolkien. She’s an elf, he mused. She talks like one; she uses magic like one; she even has pointy ears. Alex grinned. She apparently had a sister, though he hadn't yet seen that one. That made sense, though, as Princess Luna was apparently nocturnal. And immortal also, and can move the moon. He was not the least bit surprised that the two of them were the diarchs.

I wonder what Dad would have to say about that. His parents were huge libertarians, and his old man in particular might just blow a fuse if he found himself someplace where not only did someone hold absolute authority but had done so for centuries.

Even that was not the extent of the incredible things he had learned. The six girls who had discovered him were heroes. They had apparently saved the entire kingdom, maybe more, from certain disaster twice already. He had learned that beneath the titanic stained-glass windows commemorating the incidents, from a pair of incredulous-sounding guards.

To five of which girls, Alex reminded himself as he raised his hoof to knock on Twilight’s door, I have at least attempted apologies already. There was red in his ledger, and he needed to wipe it out.

Twilight Sparkle answered the door after a moment’s wait. “Sorry about that; I was…” She trailed off when she saw Alexander. For some reason, she blushed just a bit.

“Can I talk to you for a minute? It’s about yesterday afternoon,” he said.

Twilight immediately answered, “Oh! Yes! Come in! Sorry I didn’t come see you earlier, but the Princess called me, and the train schedule really didn’t work, and there was work at the library, and your letter was so interesting…”

As she descended into increasingly nonsensical excuses, Alex wondered, Why on earth is she trying to apologize to me? Out loud, he said, “Actually, Twilight, I’m here to apologize myself. I completely understand you not wanting to see me after what I said in the hospital room.”

“Oh, it’s all right,” she responded, suddenly preoccupied. She looked around the room, her horn aglow. Drawers, folders and pockets glowed briefly, disgorged their contents, and received them back as she searched for something, murmuring under her breath. “Here!” she exclaimed, as a piece of paper covered both sides in strange, tall runes floated out of a pair of lavender saddlebags.

Uh-oh, thought Alexander. Does this mean I’ll have to learn another alphabet? Crap.

“I have some questions about your talk earlier,” she said over the list, looking very excited at the proposition of learning more.

Alex looked apprehensively at the large amount of text on the paper. “Let’s save it for tomorrow, huh? So I don’t have to repeat myself then. Would you tell me about this world, though, so I can minimize how much a fool I make of myself here? Don’t leave out anything you think is obvious.”

Clearly, I just made her day, he thought upon seeing her—literally shining—face.

She launched into a lecture, skipping astronomy, which he already knew, in favor of geography. There was apparently only one continent of any note, called Equestria, on which the largest and most important country was Equestria. All this on a planet called Equestria. I’d call it hubris, but they do have the freaking sun-mover as queen. Maybe it’s justified.

Then the lecture really got interesting. Ponies and dragons were not the only sapient races on the planet. There were griffons, who lived in many disparate colonies more or less under the control of a central capital north of Equestria. There were zebras, who hardly ever left their own island country to the east; that country allowed in no visitors and little trade. A long way overland to the south lived the actual horses of Saddle Arabia. The dragons lived for the most part in frozen lands to the extreme north and south, because they were ‘mean and greedy.’ And that was just the races which could be said to control land—livestock was sentient, and most other animals had a considerable degree of intelligence.

“But I assume not all dragons are mean; you do have one right here,” commented Alex.

Twilight smiled. “Oh, did you meet Spike? He’s my little brother, kind of.”

Alex frowned. We can’t possibly be thinking of the same person. “Who?”

“You know, the dragon who came to tell you to come to Canterlot.”

“The hospital receptionist told me to come to Canterlot. I mean the dragon at the conference today.”

Twilight looked skeptical. “I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a dragon at the conference.”

“He was sitting right across from you!” said Alex, incredulous. “Green scales, sharp teeth, claws, the whole thing. I didn’t say anything because nobody else seemed surprised.”

“You weren’t surprised? You said it was a dragon!”

Alex gaped at her. “I’m in a world of talking, magical, multicolored ponies. Why would I be surprised?!”

Twilight groaned. “Was it behind Wise Counsel?”

“His name was Wise Counsel.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Wise Counsel is a pegasus pony. I’ve known him for years. Have you been seeing things recently? Are humans known for that?”

“No,” Alex lied. Zach is not pertinent to this conversation. “I promise he was a dragon. A sort of pony-looking dragon, but a dragon. With a horn—that was strange.”

Suddenly, Twilight’s eyes widened a little. “Was the horn glowing?”

Alexander thought back. “Come to think of it, it was. Faintly, but continuously, and it had a kind of bubbling quality…does that make sense?”

She was preoccupied again. “Maybe. Get out. I need to research some.”

=====

I’ll explain to him later, thought Twilight Sparkle as she trotted toward the castle library, floating a small oil lantern aloft to light her way through the dimness of dusk. Alexander had looked hurt upon his summary dismissal, but it could not be helped, not if there was a threat to the kingdom.

“And here’s where we see if there is,” she murmured as she rounded the corner a hallway that looked identical to a dozen others she’d passed tonight. Those seemed to have been designed to lose a pony. There was no librarian on duty at this hour, which means…yep, the restricted section’s locked. A set of metal bars blocked off the Star Swirl the Bearded Wing. A padlock kept the door shut against ponies who did not belong in there—or, at least, it would have if somepony had remembered to lock it. Only the door’s latch held it closed.

Twilight entered, careful to make no noise. It was not too terrible an oversight, she supposed. There were still passive enchantments on the whole room to sound the alarm if somepony used magic here after hours. Plus, the material wasn’t that bad; none of the books on dark magic here actually showed how to perform the evil spells. Those books were in rooms off the Princess’ private quarters, under much more security than this. Not that she needed to know how to cast this particular spell, just that it existed and how it worked. She set the lantern down and pulled an ancient hardback tome from a shelf at eye level: Degyses and Illusyones of the Derke Artes, by Arcane Thoughts.

Here we are. She turned to a chapter near the end, and set the book down to read by lamplight.

Ther remaynes another illusyone which is more efficacious and more sinistre then the comyn fourme, which is that which uses the vyctyms mynde as the means of decepcioune. White illusyone creates a fantasme in space, which must be carfully meinteined elles a powny fynde a contrarite. Darke illusyone fourmes an ymage in a vyctyms mynde, making it impossibel for þaim to fynde the decepcioune: They bileue waet they sei bifor they sei it, where as white illusyone must werk oppositely. Þis method is especiallye to be fered as it is to powny knaulage vnbreakable for the victim. It euen hides the glowe of the sorserer’s horn. Sombra, thrise-cursd king and destroyer of the Cristal Empire, practised þis among his oþer forboden experyments which were his ultimate undoing.

Oh, sweet Celestia, thought Twilight. Just like with the facts about the alien Alexander, everything fit. Nopony saw the real Wise Counsel—if that was his real name—because the illusion spell he used was literally unbreakable. It was by sheer luck that Alex, who apparently was immune to magic, had seen Counsel for who he really was.

She hesitated for a moment. How crazy do I sound right now? He’s been around the castle for, what, three years now as the Princess’ adviser? Longer, as a servant of some kind?

She considered, then discarded her hesitations. If the facts point one way, that’s the truth, however unlikely. I’d rather be alone and right than wrong with everypony else.

Which meant that she had some more work to do. A cat howled somewhere in the city below, making Twilight jump.
After carefully reshelving the book, she locked up the library and galloped away to write four letters calling her friends to Canterlot. It’s late; maybe I can get Owloysius to carry them.

=====

Alex pushed open the door to his room and stared at the apparition. “Is that all you can do lately? Stare out the window like some philosopher?”

Zach did not look around from his spot overlooking a courtyard. “It’s not like me looking at you will make my words have any more effect on your thick skull.”

“You’re right. They won’t. They never will. So you might as well just leave. Why bother?” The former human laid his things on the bed.

The illusory human smacked his hands down on the windowsill, causing a surge of jealousy in Alex. “Because I’m bored. You make nice with everything to try and set up a regular life for yourself here. I want to get to the part of this fantasy where we’re an all-powerful deity, supplanting the Princesses and deciding everyone’s fates on passing whims or our sense of epic construction. If I must be one half of some mental patient in a padded cell somewhere, I at least want to have fun meanwhile.”

“I sure wish I could just take in a bunch of power! You think I wouldn’t do that if I could?”

“Given your response to the current situation, yes. You clearly don’t want it enough. No, your wishes are more humble. For instance, as an impartial bystander in your mind, it was especially interesting to watch your emotional responses to Fluttershy’s hug. I had no idea you were a furry.”

Alexander lost patience completely. “You didn’t know I was a furry?” He held up a foreleg with its coating of gray hair. “LOOK AT ME! Do you see all the FUR?! Even if I did think of her like that, WHICH I DON’T, it looks like I’m STUCK LIKE THIS! So I might as well DO AS THE ROMANS DO for the foreseeable future! A future where I don’t need a BACKSEAT DRIVER IN MY HEAD! NO! I will NOT disregard what I see because you say so! Want to know why? Because these legs move when I tell them to! Because YOU'RE in MY head, and not the other way around! You lose! The end!”

The human turned toward Alexander with a chastising expression, but Alex spoke first. “What happened to your face?”

Zach sported a rather large and distracting black eye. The human snapped back around to scowl out the window.

Alex laughed triumphantly. “Oh ho! So he can make mistakes! And I can hurt him! You will rue the day,” he said, with a victorious hoof pointing toward Zach, “when I figure out what did that. And now, I will use some of the MP3 battery to have a celebration of my defiance! This one’s for you, Applejack! Wish you’d believe me!”

(The song is "Promises" by Def Leppard. It can be found here.)