Star-Crossed

If you have ever woken up in a place that you didn't fall asleep in, it can be pretty terrifying. However if you don't remember falling asleep, there is a lingering sense of annoyance that accompanies the hazy vision.

I had hoped that magic could save me(as it usually does) from my rather annoying foe, but as it turns out a sorceress of equal ability can easily break your wards and steal your magic (much like a vengeful ex-partner (only that they steal your stuff as opposed to your soul-- or both)). Niviane was her name, and boy was she a bitch!

In hindsight, it's never a good idea to teach someone who doesn't like you all your tricks, and expect them to not try to kill you.

I had a thing for her, so I taught her my magic. She thought my use of magic was... cruel at best. As it turns out, her father was a member of a wizard hunting order which was eradicated by me. Funny how these things work, really.

But of course she didn't know that, so she thought I was a murderous bastard. But the sick and twisted fates thought it would be so funny to put the unknown daughter of a sworn enemy right in my lap.

Needless to say, when she confronted me about it-- which wasn't until after she sealed me away-- I was furious! And the worst part is that she waited until I fell asleep, as I was totally defenseless, to steal my magic and seal me in a crystal cavern ridiculously far beneath the ground! So, like I said-- total bitch.

But I am no idiot--

That does not give you the rite to give me snark, you little shit!

ANYway, I hadn't taught the bitch about the different kinds of magic yet. There's the first kind, which is potion making and spell circles; the second kind, which uses trinkets and magical foci to cast spells; and the third, which is simply willing spells to happen with a part of your mana.

YES, that is what it is really called...

So, with a carefully drawn spell circle, I was able to create a port key from one of the crystals. I had no mana to simply will away the wards surrounding me yet, so I had to use a more primitive means. The only problem with that method is that you need to use a highly magical anchor point, which don't really exist on any of Terra. I had thought the Isle of Avalon would suffice, yet it turns out that it is actually quite mundane.

So, as you could imagine, I was quite surprised when i found myself in a large circle of dead grass in a forest clearing.

"If the fates doth find this humorous in any fashion, they are the only ones to have said opinion!"

But I can proudly claim that I never panicked.

"Prithee, Niviane, dost thy hands have no part in this?!" I shouted. "I-if thou had any part in this, I-I WILL SHOW NO QUARTER!"

After hearing no response for some time, I finally took in my surroundings. Thick, slightly gnarled trees surrounded me in every direction, and the air was heavy with the scent of old leaves. Exotic plants of many colors were scattered randomly across the forest and thick canopy, providing relief from the monotonous dark greens and browns. Animals of all shapes and sizes could be heard making a din of nature.

My anxiety quickly turned to fear, but a true mage is a master of emotion.

After hyperventilating and shouting at the sky for a few minuets, I slowly calmed down-- mostly due to a lack of oxygen to the brain. After a short internal debate, I decided to climb the tallest nearby tree for vantage.

The forest was an in-veritable sea of leafy green, but all hope was not lost! A ways off to the south I saw a village, and beyond that I could make out a mountain-side castle (in all honesty it looked more like a palace, even from several miles away). I knew that the local fauna had an unusually high mana content, so I could make them into raw magical potions--

YES I know that it's a mana potion, now will you stop interrupting me?!

--and replenish my mana reserves.

There, you see, you ruined the story flow! Kids...

Upon making it to the ground again I noticed that there was no sound coming from the forest. Not being an idiot, I knew that there was likely a large predator nearby. Naturally I knew just what to do; climb the tree again to reach safety.

"Oh, bullocks!" I mumbled to myself, "I always seem to be stuck in a tree. Though now I have magic to aide me in my escape!" (unlike my long passed youth)

On my way to the tallest branches, I noticed a particularly garish yellow flower, which seemed familiar to me, though I couldn't have cared less at the moment.

"Hmm, such a vociferous little thing, and it doth have an absurd amount of mana, excellent!" I said, chuckling darkly. I pulled the whole plant from the tree and ground it in my palms.

Humming to myself, I placed it into a vial of spring water and shook it violently with one hand, using the other to clutch the tree limb tightly. All it takes to separate mana from anything that holds it is a violent shaking and pulling on it's magical aura.

Yes, those hippies were right, auras are real, and they're very magical. If you know they're there you can touch them, and then you can steal them! Don't do that without the water though... it's bad.

As I shook it, the bright yellow and orange aura became visible to me. It radiated out from the wad of plant matter like a small fire. Smiling, I willed the mana to join with the water in my mind, making the aura dissolve into the now brightly glowing water, which boiled with a mercurial fury before stopping just as quickly as it had started. I pulled the sleeve of my dark grey long robes over the vial as a filter, before drinking the pale green liquid.

Like I said, if you're forcing mana into something, it becomes pure energy-- so don't will it into your hand unless you wanna blow it off!

It burned a bit, just as a spirit does; however, it sharpens the senses, as opposed to dulling them. Finally having gotten over the botched teleportation spell, I sighed in satisfaction as the mana flowed into my aura.

The amount of mana I siphoned from the flower would put me at the edge of the forest with a standard teleportation spell, a stone's throw from the village. I decided against that however, as I had no idea where I was, and this was no time to accidentally walk into a wizard hunters village without enough mana to defend myself. I decided to scry for the location of the nearest river, which was halfway between me and the edge of the village.

I teleported to the flowing river and proceeded to replenish my exhausted mana supply. After two hours of shaking a glass vial filled with plant matter and water, my aura was roaring around me like a small fire-- though it was still nowhere near my potential maximum. I now had enough mana to destroy a small army though, which was more than enough for some scrying spells.

I did what any sane person would do, check my surrounding area. I scried the village and encountered something I didn't expect... Ponies with human slaves! I knew where I was at least, that being Equis. However, I didn't know how long I had gone, or how humans had become pets.

The last time I was here, humans were tribal, and ponies wanted nothing to with humans. My time here may have been brief, but I am told I would have gone down in the history books.

That's a story for another time... maybe later.

My last disguise had been to my liking, so I decided to replicate it. A polymorph spell physically turns your body into another one, so it is very precise, and quite painful.

After rolling around on the ground in fetal position and in pain, I morphed my robe into simple saddle bags and strapped them to my sides. After securing them, I looked at my hoofiwork. A mild grey coat, expertly groomed(also covered in leaves and dirt), along with a flowing ebony mane and A MAGNIFICENT BEARD. And finally the most integral part to the disguise-- a cutie mark.

I agree, it is an obscenely girly name, but then again, I didn't name it.

A simple design, an irregular 6-pointed star with a crescent moon surrounding it. It was to symbolize my affinity for magic-- mostly helpful magics-- but most people, er, ponies thought it was for astronomy at first. (my astronomy would have been heretical at the time)

Thus, I was Star Swirl, the Bearded once again! Not that anything nearby cared at all.

I decided it would be prudent to scry the castle next, and see who owned it. I devoted little effort to this spell, as I didn't expect resistance; however, there seemed to be a scry-proof barrier surrounding the palace. Most annoying.

I refined the scry spell, focusing a large amount of power into a small area-- the center of the castle-- and lo, it worked! I was definitely looking into the throne room, stain glass, red carpets, gilded marble pillars, and a huge throne to escalate the tackiness to untold heights.

However, one thing in the room made it all bearable-- the occupant of the opulent throne. A mare with a coat of the purest white, and a flowing mane and tail which looked akin to the Aurora Borealis. She wore a set of regalia which was, although modest, expertly crafted, adding to her already regal air. She has apparently noticed me, however, as her serene expression morphed to one of shock, as her magenta eyes flicked to my vantage point immediately.

I dropped my spell and returned my senses to the forest and smiled softly.

"Celestia," I whispered.

I walked slowly out of the forest and headed out towards the small town, the sun floating softly in the middle of the sky. The village grew rapidly as I exited the tree line, showing more and more of it's details.

The road was a hard-packed dirt path of impressive width, with thatched roof cottages lining either side. Down the road, I could see a large gazebo in the middle of town, and a few shop signs poking out from awnings-- likely the lord's manor and the center of commerce for miles around. I also noticed a smaller gazebo near the edge of town; it was garish, yet it was not quite tacky.

I couldn't be sure, but I swore I also saw a house of gingerbread past the lord's manor. A queer town to be sure, but I might just get stoned for speaking it aloud-- you can never be too careful with that sort of thing.

Opposite the large manor was an impressive tree, though I couldn't discern the breed. It was more than large enough to be hollowed out and turned into a house, which was strange as it was only thirty feet tall at most (another queer aspect of a queer town).

Overall, the place seemed to be quite homely, although it was a lot bigger than I initially predicted. I always had trouble with sizes at a distance.

The first thing I needed to do was locate a library, public or no, they only gave books to people who could read anyway(books for any society without a printing press are obscenely expensive to make). I began walking through the town, my glass vial and port key clinking together. I didn't have any money, but then again you don't need it to get directions-- usually.

Takin' on the whole motha' fuckin' world, son!

...

I agree, let us never speak of that outburst again.

I began at the building closest to me, the garish gazebo. I quickly used telekinesis to brush all the dirt from my coat, and knocked on the door. That is when I noticed an "Open!" sign in the window, and opened it anyway. I heard a bell chime as I entered the shop.

"Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is shique, unique, and magnifique!" a mare chimed from another room, "How may I help you?" The mare in question appeared at the top of a stairwell. She had an alabaster coat, groomed to perfection, and a royal purple mane and tail, swirled into elegant coiffures. She carried herself down the stairs with elegance and grace, a pleasant smile on her face the whole time. This mare was the definition of class.

"Hello mi'lady, it is a pleasure to meet you!" I said, kneeling down as she approached, "Prithee, what might your name be?" I gently held her hoof and placed a light kiss upon it, locking eyes the whole time. Proper etiquette is the least I could do for a pleasant mare, right?

She giggled like a lady and held her hoof up to her mouth to cover it. "Such a gentlecolt!" she said, lowering her hoof to reveal a light blush, "My name is Rarity, though I did not catch yours?"

I smiled and stood back at my full height, slightly taller than her. "What an apt name for such a charming mare. I have many different names, though you may call me Star Swirl, or simply Star-- if you prefer."

Her smile grew slightly as her blush faded. "Well then, Star, how may I help you?"

"Well, I was hoping to find a collection of books, preferably one of a decent size and with modern information-- if you would know of such a thing."

"As it happens, I do know of such a place!" she said, pointing towards the town, "I know the librarian at the Golden Oaks Public Library. Did you see that tree across from town hall?"

"The one that was ridiculously wide for it's height?"

"That would be it!" she said with another lady-like giggle.

"Many thanks, fair maiden. May you have good fortune 'till we meet again!" I said waiving as I left. I heard her return the sentiment as I gently shut the door.

'Well that was certainly easy.' I thought to myself. The walk to the library was short, though not uneventful. I passed several ponies without incident, yet as I passed one obnoxiously pink mare logic seemed to fail for an instant. She shot into the air and gasped for a good two seconds-- still suspended mind you-- and then proceeded to shoot off at impossible speeds as she hit the ground.

'...Magic? Oh whatever, I have more important matters then ponies using telekinesis to levitate themselves to attend to!' After a short session of vigorous head shaking I was off to the library-- again.

The library itself was quite large, a diameter of at least 50 feet, and it had at least two floors. There were a few nooks poking out of the tree which had an odd grass roofing. The door was likely wooden (imagine that), and painted red with a picture of a lit candle painted onto it. 'A right queer place indeed.'

I walked right in and looked around--it was a public library, right? The bookshelves lined the walls, yet they didn't take up any floor space. In the middle of the area there was a small circular table with a horse-head bust on it, as well as what appeared to be a registry. Off to the side there was a set of stairs which appeared to lead to a reading area, as well as more bookshelves. I didn't notice anyone at first, so I decided to ask for assistance.

"Hello? Be there anypony here? I require some assistance with the location of a few tomes!"

"Just a minuet!" toned an agitated mare. The sound of a book closing loudly rang out from the upper reading area, shortly after the sound of hooves clunking against wood could be heard. Soon A lavender mare could be seen at the top of the stairwell, looking slightly miffed. She walked down the stairs in a very careful manner-- almost like she was afraid of them-- as her face morphed into a much more amiable expression.

"Hello, and welcome to the Golden Oaks Public Library. You said something about needing to find a book?" She had dark purple eyes and a kind smile, and a well-kept, yet low maintenance mane-cut. Her hair was a unique shade of purple, with a bright pink stripe running through it.

"Yes, I did," I said, kneeling just like I had before, "My name is Star Swirl, but you may call me star if you prefer," I gently grabbed her hoof and placed a kiss on it. "Might I ask of thee your name?"

Her face contorted into a mask of skepticism before replying. "Yeah, and I'm the queen of Saddle Arabia. What books are you looking for." There was no question in there.

"W-well, um, I suppose a book on all major historical events to happen within the past thousand years or so, as well as a book on colloquialisms, and a book on modern Equish, if you please."

She looked at me even more skeptically and ignited her horn, summoning six different books without batting an eyelash. "The library closes in two hours, if you need to check the books out, come see me. Otherwise, leave them on the table next to the register." She turned around and went back up the stairs, giving me a nice view of her flank. As it turns out, the tail matches the mane. I also noticed her cutie mark, an irregular six-pointed star, with five smaller ones surrounding it.

'Did she have wings?'

2 Hours Later

"Alright, the library's clo-"

I looked up from the massive pile of books I was sitting on. "Oh... 'Sup."

"What have you done with my library!?" she shouted, quite obviously miffed.

"Relax, relax! I memorized the locations of all these books. I just got a little sidetracked when I realized how much has changed since I was last here."

"What do you mean 'since I was last here'?!" she screamed, "I've never seen you before, and I've lived here for years!"

"Well unless you're just young looking for 1000+, I'd be willing to bet cash money you never would've seen me in the flesh."

"Are you still on about that Star Swirl, the Bearded thing?!"

"Well of course I am, it is my name after all. I even had it legally changed to represent my love for facial hair." I said, running my hoof through it.

"You are CRAZY!" she screamed, picking up a book with her arcaeokinesis*. "Get out of my library!"

"I thought it was a public library." I said, smirking with the intensity of a thousand assholes.

"UGH!" she screamed as she lobbed the book at me with an impressive speed.

The book seemed like it would hit me right on the nose, but it magically stopped just before it could hit me. The mare seemed quite confused, as she let the aura surrounding her horn fizzle out.

"How are you doing that? Your horn isn't glowing..."

"That's because it doesn't need to glow. I'm using telekinesis, not magic." Smirking intensifies.

"B-b-b-but--"

"Nope, sorry-- that's just how it works."

"That's... THAT'S BUCKING IMPOSSIBLE! ONLY STAR SWIRL... S-star... Star Swirl?"

"That's right! She can be taught!" Maximum smirking! "Oh, and by the way, Celestia will likely swing by Ponyville soon."

"Wh-wh--"

"I scried her in her palace and she saw me, so... yeah."

"..." she stared at me, slack-jawed, her right eye twitching slightly.

'I think I might have broken her...'

Just as I thought the day couldn't have gotten more interesting, The front door to the library opened to reveal a six-foot tall Princess. She was off to my side, so she couldn't see me when she entered, giving me the perfect opportunity to surprise her.

"Twilight! I sensed a powerful presence in the Everfree forest trying to spy on me. Gather the Elements an--"

"You know I love it when you stroke my ego, Sunny Buns."

Both ponies turned toward me looking like I just said 'all ponis r fegets m8', until Celestia saw me.

"Star Swirl?!" she said, shock dominating her features.

"All 56 inches, at your service." I said with a wiggle of my eyebrows. I suddenly found myself being tackled and mercilessly hugged by a pretty Pony Princess.

If you don't want to know the answer to that question, don't ask it.

...

We banged.

Ahaha! You should see your face mate! Nah, we didn't bang.

...

Me and her sister though...

Hey! You don't get to judge me, I'm sixty times older than you!

"I've missed you so much! It's-- *GASP* Luna will want to know immediately!" I chuckled as the immortal princess of the sun fawned over me, like a little girl does with someone they haven't seen in a year. I got Celestia to stop for a moment as I looked to Twilight.

Her mane was in a state of massive disarray and her right eye was twitching hysterically. She let out a gurgle as foam started to form at the corners of her mouth.

"Oh my!" whispered the fuzzy white giant next to me.

"I think I might have broken her..."

"OH MY FAUST!!!" screamed the purple mare, startling both of us, "STAR SWIRL THE BEARDED IS IN MY LIBRARY!!!"

I began to sweat a little. "U-um, wh-..."

She snapped to my with the scariest face ever worn on a pony, giggling manically. "Can I have a lock of mane, a blood sample, and could you possibly sign my flank?!" she said, wiggling her cutie mark at me.

...

"*PFFFT* HAHAHAHA! OH, man!" I said, laughing hysterically. "Alright, fangirl, bring that plot over here!" I conjured a quill and ink well, dipping it in and knocking it against the inner lip to remove excess ink.

Twilight *squee*'d and trotted over to me, bringing her cutie mark to my eye level. I scrawled my signature-- minus the title-- on her flank, finishing with a looping flourish as she shivered.

"I'm never gonna wash my flank again!" Twilight screamed, trotting in place.

I sat there with a bemused smile on my face, while Celestia looked utterly confused. "What?"

"Shh! Don't ruin this! I've never had a zealot before." I whispered harshly as Twilight continued to dance in place.

She continued to do this for about another ten seconds before she remembered that Celestia was in the room as well. "Oh, Princess?"

"Yeah?" She said, still severely confused.

"Can you leave for a minuet? I need to collect some... samples." she said, looking at me with a mixture of sultriness and predatory hunger.

"Uuuuuuuuuuh..." we responded in unison.

Suddenly the door burst open again, revealing an extremely irate nocturnal Princess.

"BACK OFF MY STALLION, HUSSIE!"

Author's Note:
Wow. Whatis... Idon'teven...

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIAEF!!!!

Like, favorite and comment to justify my existence plz!

*arcaeokinesis is levitation in fancy(and not Applejack's 'fancy' either).