The Conversion Bureau: Galvanized

Chapter 2

“You told me you were going to a spa with Kathy.”

Kevin closed the door behind them and flipped on the lights while Samantha trotted to the kitchen. As he passed the stairs leading to the second floor of his townhouse, he noticed a blue drawstring bag leaning upright against the bannister. The bag had a white Conversion Bureau logo screened on the side.

“Well, it kind of was, when you think about it,” she called from around the corner. “I actually didn’t know myself if I was gonna go through with it until I got there, so…”

Before Kevin approached the kitchen, he looked down at his hands. They were still shaking slightly from nerves. Anytime he took a moment to stop and think, he realized just how close he’d come to having his life irrevocably changed. The Barrier had almost got him. That… place had almost got him, completely without a fight. He made tight fists to fight down the nervous energy, then leaned on the wall to watch the little yellow pony—his girlfriend—nose through the contents of the refrigerator and emerge with a small clear plastic package of baby carrots held daintily in her mouth.

“So Kathy put you up to this?” he said, arching an eyebrow. He wanted to get his mind on anything but the attack, and Samantha’s little embellishment of the truth would do nicely.

Samantha slid the carrots onto the table in the breakfast nook. Her ears went back slightly upon hearing what he said. Kevin watched her awkwardly hop up onto the wooden chair and then attempt to turn in place.

“Kathy didn’t put me up to anything,” she huffed, the difficulty maneuvering in the chair adding to her annoyance. Getting her butt on the chair would require her back hooves to slide out from under her, so she simply gave up and hopped back down, pulling the carrots off the table and setting them down on the floor next to her. “It was a joint decision. She got ponified too! She’s a unicorn now, a really cute one. She even thought up a name: ‘Night Dancer.’ It goes well with her coat. I haven’t thought of a pony name yet.” Samantha nudged at the plastic tray with a hoof, then with her thick pony-lips. Finally, she looked up at Kevin and gave him a pouty face. “Little help?”

Kevin knelt down next to Samantha and snapped the plastic tray open for her. “Sounds like a stripper’s stage name, to be honest,” he said. He made to say something more, but Samantha had quickly thrust her short muzzle into the carrots and was gobbling them up before he could even stand up and back away a couple of steps.

“Sam, look at you,” he said, his brow knitting. “You look like a dog down there.”

“‘m hungry,” she said around a mouthful of carrot, “'n that’s k'nd of a rude th'ng t' say, y’know.” She ate a couple more bites, then looked up, her expression glowing with bliss. “Oh, sweet Celestia, you have no idea how good these taste now.”

“Apparently not…” Kevin trailed off. Something unpleasant was running up the back of his neck. “Sam, you… you really do seem different,” he managed at last.

She giggled and looked up at him, waggling her ears. “Well what was your first clue, silly?”

“No, I mean…” he looked down at his hands. They were trembling again, almost imperceptibly, but Samantha didn’t seem the least bit distressed. “Over sixty people’s lives were just knocked on their ear today,” he said, “and I was almost one of them. I’m thinking if I turn on the news and see anything about it I’m gonna break down into a nervous wreck, Sam, and here you are talking about how good carrots taste.”

“They’ll be fine,” she said. “Nopony got hurt, and besides, it’s gotta happen sooner or later!”

He took another step away. “You don’t care at all that the PER just potioned where I work and forced all those people to change into ponies?”

She stopped eating and looked up at him. When she saw that he was further away, she began to realize she had been a little too focused on getting something to eat. “Oh, Kev, it’s terrible that it was forced on them, don’t get me wrong, but you don’t understand! You can’t understand.”

Kevin winced, and he felt his eyes narrow. Samantha had never sounded so patronizing before. He held up an unsteady hand. “I… can’t understand?” He let out a short chuckle of disbelief. “I was there, Sam. A pony just ran in and shouted something and then there was potion everywhere. That potion could have been cut with anything, like acid or nerve agents, or just a bad batch, or some other horrible thing that I haven’t even thought of, and believe me, on the ride home I thought about it a lot.”

Her look changed to one of horror. “Oh, Kevin!” she cried, cantering up to him and rearing onto her hind legs to throw her forelegs around his midsection. She rested her cheek on his chest. “I didn’t realize it had affected you so deeply! But please, trust me, everything is going to be okay for those ponies.”

“People,” he said quietly.

“Ponies are people too,” Samantha said immediately. “Come on. Let’s get this sorted. Sit down with me and we’ll talk it out. I’m here for you, Kevin. I love you.”

A second lump of weight descended into his stomach. That was the other thing. His girlfriend was now a pony, and had gone and gotten converted without so much as telling him. He had a suspicion as to why, but if he was right, that made things between them worse, not better.

She pulled her neck back to look up at him. “Don’t you love me too, Kev?” she asked.

Kevin took a step back into the hallway, forcing Samantha to take an awkward step to stay with him as she hugged him.

“You’re a pony now,” he said, “and you just… you up and did it. All on your own. We’ve been dating two years, Sam—you had to have known how I’d feel about it, you had to. I’m thinking that’s why you didn’t tell me.”

Samantha’s ears drooped. She knew she was starting to lose him. She managed a weak smile. “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission, Kev,” she offered.

Kevin pursed his lips. It sounded to him like something the PER would say.

“I really think you’re worrying about this too much,” she added. “Ponification is something we all have to face, Kevin!” He pulled away from her and she landed deftly on her front hooves, watching him retreat into the living room. Samantha walked after him, a sharp knot forming in her throat, a rising fear she had forgotten to consider with the rush and elation the Conversion Bureau’s environment had steeped her in for two weeks.

Kevin sat down hard on the living-room couch, staring blankly at the dark TV screen across from him. He folded his hands together and brought them up in front of his face, the shaking returning. The yellow pony saw it. She licked her lips in trepidation as she realized he was thinking about what had happened at Emergence.

“I know it’s hard for you,” she said, “but you can’t dwell on things nopony can help!” She walked gingerly up to him and placed a hoof gently on his knee. “Kevin, it was nopony’s fault—”

“Stop using that word,” he said, his voice shaking along with his hands. “To hear you say it is just… it’s so weird.”

“I’m s-sorry,” said Samantha. “It just… it comes naturally to me now. I’ll try to say ‘nobody.’”

“The fact that you have to try means you’ve changed more than physically,” said Kevin, “and that’s another thing. I don’t… I d—” He let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not… attracted to ponies. Physically. I don’t like them… like that.”

Samantha shook her head. “It’s okay, I know,” she said. “I’m not expecting you to be intimate with me like this, but…”

His eyes flicked over to her. She wouldn’t dare, would she? ”But what?” he asked.

Samantha let out a breath, steeling herself, and withdrew her hoof. “But after you get converted, you’ll see, you’ll have a completely different persp—where are you going?”

Kevin had stood, and nearly tripped over Samantha as he stormed past her to the stairs. She tried to catch the tail of his shirt in her teeth, but missed. “Kevin, no,” she barked at him, “I know about your little stash upstairs, don’t you dare—”

To her surprise, he stopped at the foot of the stairs and pointed at the Conversion Bureau bag. “That was here when we came in,” he said, “which means you stopped by here first before coming to my office to ‘surprise’ me.”

Samantha’s ears folded back. “Yes, you’re right,” she said, trying to bring her chin up. “So?”

“So how did you get there?”

“The taxi from the Bureau waited for me.”

He put his hands in his pockets and leaned down. “Your bag was here and you don’t exactly have any pockets now. How did you pay him?”

Both of their voices were starting to raise. “I had money in my bag, and I brought some with me when I dropped the bag off!”

“How did you know how much the fare would be?” asked Kevin. “How did you know how much to bring?”

“I estimated high and I let him keep the change!” she shouted back. “Why are you asking me this?”

He took a step towards her, and to the little pony, the human before her suddenly seemed towering and dangerous.

“Samantha,” said Kevin, the quietness in his voice edged with something strong, “you weren’t in on this, were you? The thing at my office.”

She bared blunt teeth at him. “How could you?” she cried. “How could you accuse me of such a horrible thing?”

“Oh, so now it’s horrible!” he said, straightening back up. “It didn’t seem so horrible to you when you were chowing down on carrots in the kitchen without a care in the world!” He pulled his hands out of his pockets and waved them around, affecting Samantha’s voice. “Oh Kevin, you silly billy, it’s no big deal, having a brush with the PER and almost being changed into a pony for the rest of your life! Oh little worrywart, there’s no way this could result in relocation or layoffs! Spilled milk! I mean, you could have had it worse! You could have been one of the dozens of humans who now has to figure out how to get by as a creature they don’t know how to be, living with friends and family who have to adjust along with them! Or do I mean you could have had it ‘better?’ Tee-hee! I’m a pony by the way! Hope you’re okay with that! It was just a little tiny fib, really, me and Kathy still totally went to a spa if you tilt your head a bit and squint!”

Tears began to well up in Samantha’s eyes. “This isn’t you,” she choked out. “This is coming from a hurt place, Kev, this isn’t you! You’re lashing out, that’s all, I know you don’t mean it, but I thought you’d gotten further along than this! It’s been almost a year, Kevin, it’s time to let it go!”

Kevin let out a breath and dialed it back a bit. “Sam,” he said slowly, “what did you think would happen when you came here, to me, like that? You think everything would have been smooth sailing?”

“I thought,” she said through her tears, “that when you saw somep—somebody you knew, as a pony… not just a stranger on the streets but somebody you were close to… you’d realize that it was okay, that it wasn’t destructive! I learned so much about Equestria and the Barrier at the Bureau, Kevin. Everything Princess Celestia has been telling the news is true. It’s not coming to kill us, it’s coming to save us, and even if I look like this I’m still the Sam you know and love, and even when you get converted you’ll still be the Kevin I know and love.”

“The Sam I thought I knew,” Kevin corrected. “There’s something off about you, and it creeps me out. You never talked like this about that Barrier when you were a human.” When she didn’t reply, he shook his head slowly, and went up a couple of steps on the stairway. He stopped and turned around. “This is too much,” he said. “Too much has happened today. I… I need a shower, and a drink, and some sleep.”

Samantha’s ears went back again. “I’m not going to let you drink this away, Kevin,” she said, wiping her tears from her face with a forehoof. “Even if you don’t approve of me getting converted, that doesn’t change the fact that I care about you!”

“If you’d cared about me,” he said, “you wouldn’t have lied about going to the Bureau.”

“You would have tried to stop me!” she shouted.

“No,” he said softly, “I would have cut you loose.”

Her mouth opened and closed for a few moments. “Wha—”

“Stay there,” he said. “I’ve got something to show you.”

Kevin disappeared up the stairs, leaving Samantha on shaky legs at the bottom. A few moments later, he returned, holding a small ring box covered in blue velour in one hand. He held it up and watched her eyes grow huge.

“This,” he said. “I had to buy this because the engagement ring I would have given you got vaporized by that Barrier. You know, the one you say is here to ‘save us.’”

“Kevin…” she breathed.

“I was gonna ask you at the end of summer, right before Shelly went back to college.” He turned the box over in his fingers and studied it calmly. “Now I think it’d be best if I hung onto it, just in case I lose my job over that ‘harmless’ PER attack and have to sell it to make the property-tax payments on this place. Obviously you’re going to do whatever you want to do, Sam, and I certainly can’t stop you. But I don’t want any part of this PER stuff or conversion or anything to do with that God damned Barrier, you understand?

“Every time I see it, it just…” His throat caught, and he started weeping along with Samantha. “It does nothing but remind me, Sam. It’s all I see when I look at it. It won’t let me move on! I just want it to go away, and leave me alone, and all of this pony bullshit to just disappear and leave me in peace.”

“Kevin,” she pleaded as best she could through her sobs, “you’re hurting, you’re shaken up from this afternoon, that’s all! Please don’t do this! I admit I forgot how scary conversion can seem, but please believe me, it’s not! The thing you’re pulling away from is the very thing that can help you move on! I can’t help you just talking to you, but you’ve got to trust me! When I converted, it was like… l-like a weight was lifted from me! I can’t look at the Barrier with dread anymore! Equestria is waiting for me, and it’s waiting for you too! Let’s just—”

Kevin stiffened, and Samantha saw the muscles in his jaw tighten. “The second PER pony to hit my office said the same thing,” he said, almost a whisper. “Take your bag and get out.”

“Wait, Kevi—”

“What, you want the ring, too?” he snapped. “You don’t even have a finger I can put it on anymore. Go to Equestria if you know you’ll love it there so much.”

Samantha let out a long, slow breath. Her tears stopped.

“I don’t have to,” she said quietly, getting her emotions under control, “because Equestria’s coming to me. And to you too, Kevin, whether you like it or not. It’s all so messed up, what’s happening out there, and I can’t even figure out how you’re hoping it’ll end. When I decided to get converted, I knew you’d have reservations, perhaps even be suspicious, but… I was sure you would come around eventually... if I could just be there for you.”

Kevin came down the steps, picked up the Conversion Bureau newfoal bag, and held it out to her. “That’s the thing,” he said. “You were so convinced that I would see things your way, you never stopped to consider how I might not.”

“Fair enough,” she said. “I underestimated how much you hated the Barrier. But it’s either hurt or heal, Kevin, and you’re letting it hurt.” The small yellow mare cocked her head at him, regarding him sadly. “One more thing,” she said.

“Yeah?”

Samantha headbutted Kevin in the crotch, which was conveniently at head height for her. Pain and nausea shot up Kevin’s torso and he fell over on his side, doubled over in agony. Samantha very gently pushed him over onto his back with a hoof and kissed him forcefully on the mouth, wrestling her tongue between his teeth and staying like that for several seconds.

Finally, she pulled off of him and sighed. “That’s for me,” she said. “I wish we could have gone to Equestria together one day. What happened was a tragedy, and nopony would claim otherwise, but at every turn you seem determined to just make it worse for yourself.

“It’s happening, Kevin. This is happening. It’s bigger than any of us, and I’m just afraid that pain you’re holding onto in your heart is going to get you killed. I hope it doesn’t. Not even now.”

She nuzzled his cheek, then took the drawstrings of her bag up in her teeth and slung the sack onto her back with a flick of her neck. As she fumbled with the doorknob, a few fresh sobs rose through her throat.

“Goodbye, Kevin,” she whispered. “I love you.”

She went through the front door, pulling it closed behind her with a rattle of the knob, and he never saw her again.

*    *    *

Kevin awoke the next morning leaning up against the side of his bed, still dressed as he’d been the night before during his savage assault on the supply of liquor he kept in the upstairs rec room. He had made a decent dent in it, but with the lack of supper in his stomach coupled with the emotional drainage of seeing Samantha off, he’d folded faster than expected.

His head felt full of throbbing railroad ties and a thin layer of fine-grit sandpaper seemed to coat the backs of his eyeballs. The first thing Kevin saw after the blurring had died down was the framed picture of his mother and father standing in front of a grand cruise ship on an overcast day. They were hugging each other, faces turned to one side to grin at the camera.

His eyes had no tears left, for the time being. Kevin’s body just hitched in place as he silently wept. He hugged the picture frame to him.

“I miss you.”

Kevin’s feet felt full of lead on the journey down to the living room. He very nearly tripped up twice on the stairs alone. He decided to take a breather before the long trek to the kitchen and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV.

He’d forgotten he had the sound muted from last time, and, judging from the shaky handheld camcorder footage of the huge pink-orange Barrier staring him in the face from the screen, it was still on a 24-hour news network.

Kevin scanned the title card below the footage.

LANDFALL

St. John’s, Newfoundland, Canada

Then his eyes flicked to the ticker.

Analysts Predict Ireland Landfall in 3 Months, Maine in 4   •   Conversion Bureaus Now Open in Istanbul, Guadalajara, Nairob

Kevin turned the TV off without reading any more and leaned over to check his cell phone. He had a voicemail message from early last night, sometime after Samantha had left. The readout above the time stamp read “Kathy.” Kevin sighed and opened his voicemail, holding the phone to his ear.

“Kevin? This is Night Dancer. So Sam just showed up at my door a fu—a flipping mess, looking like she’d been crying her eyes out all day and come to find out you fu—y-you flailing dumped her over her conversion and the poor thing was just blindsided by that! You broke a filly’s heart over trying to get you eased into the idea that you’re gonna have to get converted some day, and I… I-I hope you’re just pleased as punch about that! It stinks about the PER and your job and all the other stuff, I know, but this isn’t just your own life you’re shi—you’re pooping on here anymore! If I ever see you in Equestria you better hope—”

Beep. Kevin erased the voicemail and pulled the phone free of its charger. He stood up slowly and put the phone in his pocket, sauntering to the kitchen and stopping in the threshold.

The tray of half-eaten carrots was still on the floor.