The Conversion Bureau: Galvanized

Chapter 1

The only reason Kevin Stone didn’t get turned into a pony at work was because he dropped a pen under his desk.

While he was under there on the short office carpet, shaded from the light of the fluorescents overhead, a pony wearing a purple vest with several large hoppers full of equally purple fluid burst into his cubicle farm and cried “Welcome to the herd!” in rapturous joy. Then there was a loud pop, and a rolling splatter, and the thick, heavy purple fluid exploded out in all directions, including upward. It arced over the cubicle walls, some of it going high enough to coat the light fixtures and throw the room into an eerie violet glow. Kevin’s cubicle was immediately drenched too, and from his safe spot under the desk he saw his chair covered and the edge of the counter dripping grape-scented goo down onto the carpet. The stuff sank into the carpet rather than spread out, which Kevin was glad for, as he didn’t have any room to maneuver away where he was. He soon heard moans of fear and pain coming from his coworkers nearby, but these quieted quickly, and after he heard the wet thumping of a set of hooves quickly making its escape, all was silent.

Kevin’s heart pounded in his chest, and only after his white-knuckle grip on the retrieved pen snapped it in half did his mind kick back in and take action. He awkwardly fished for his cell phone in his pocket and dialed 911. He reported the PER attack to the police, and then waited.

Within ten minutes, he heard the sirens of first responders. A few minutes later, there were hard-soled shoes running down the hallway to his office, and by then his coworkers were awakening as ponies, some giddy from the shock of what had happened, others frightened and disoriented. He couldn’t see anyone, though, and nobody could see him.

He could hear them, though.

“What… what happened?” asked Julie, the finance analyst who worked near the door.

“This feels so... strange?” he heard Tyrone from procurement murmur to himself. “No… different.”

Rose, the data-entry clerk from the cubicle next door to Kevin, had worry in her voice. “What am I going to tell Don and the kids? What if they don’t understand?”

“Everyone, you have been the victims of a conversion attack,” said the police officer at the doorway. “Please remain where you are and try to remain calm. We have medical personnel and trauma counselors coming to assist you.”

Kevin could hear newly-minted ponies slipping and falling over in the thick, slick potion. He heard a few giggles, some quiet sobs, and even a bit of hushed commiserating conversation he couldn’t quite make out. For his part, however, he stayed quiet.

Thirty minutes after the attack, a full complement of rescuers had carefully made their way up to his cube-farm on the second floor. Through the door two rows over, Kevin could hear them speaking and congregating in the hallway.

“Oh man, this is a bad one,” he heard a woman say.

“He must’ve been carrying a hell of a lot,” added a man.

“Okay, four lifting teams, rubber mop for the carpet, and go slow; some of them are trying to move about on their own,” said a different man. Kevin could hear the rattle of gurneys lining up on the tile floor outside.

“I’m in here!” he called out. “I’m still human! I’m under my desk but I can’t move, there’s potion everywhere.”

“Kev? Kev, is that you?” he heard Steve from IT say. “You’re not a pony?”

Kevin could hear a bit of clamor as the EMTs and cops realized their mission wasn’t just recovery, but rescue too. He heard a thumping and a pair of human feet in thick waders slid to a stop in front of his cubicle. He saw a policewoman bend over to have a look at him, and as soon as they made eye contact, she straightened up again.

“There’s a human over here!” she called across the cubicle walls. Get some spare gloves and boots, make a hole for—”

“Equestria awaits you!” interrupted a muffled voice. There was another pop, and a sharper splattering sound as a second PER attacker detonated a potion bomb in the hallway.

It had gone quiet again. Kevin looked out at the wader boots in his line of sight, but the policewoman was just staring there, dumbfounded. After a moment, he saw the boots move slightly.

“Dispatch, sixteen Adam, we’ve just had a second conversion attack at Delta Consulting! I say again, Delta Consulting no longer secure!” There was a pause, then: “Jesus, he got everyone.”

Kevin closed his eyes and rested his head against the spongy fabric of the cubicle divider. No, the PER pony hadn’t gotten everyone. He realized he wasn’t going anywhere for a while.

*    *    *

A tall policeman threw an itchy wool blanket around Kevin’s shoulders as he sat on the curb across the street from the three-story office building where he worked. The parking lot was a snarl of emergency vehicles throwing a daytime rave of red, blue, yellow, and white strobe lights. On either side of Kevin were three others who had made it out of the cube-farm unconverted. They had all been on the row furthest from the door, where the potion apparently hadn’t reached. Kevin didn’t know them too well, and nobody was talking. Kevin’s heart sank. The branch would probably be closing because of this, and he would be out of a job.

“Excuse me,” said the woman sitting next to him to a passing policeman, “how many were… hit?”

“Forty-four civilians, twelve police officers, and eight EMTs,” said the cop. “They hit a second time in the hallway after the first responders were on-site. Looks like they were waiting for them.”

“Oh my God,” she whispered as the cop resumed walking by.

They watched in silence as a stream of unsteady ponies ambled out of the front doors, supported by EMTs and being given blankets by police. They seemed to be alert and talking, but from where Kevin was across the street, he had no idea who was who as a pony.

From near the police line, a patrolman directed a bright yellow mare over to the small group of humans at the curb. She was neither wearing nor carrying anything, but as she approached they grew nervous, edging one way or another away from her as though she had something contagious.

The little mare stopped directly in front of Kevin, taking him in with large blue eyes that carried a look of confusion.

“Kev?” she asked in a voice he recognized.

Kevin blinked. He didn’t feel the blanket slip from his shoulders. “Samantha? Is that you?”

His girlfriend nodded slowly, unsure if she wanted to admit it now. “Y-yes. Yes, Kev, it’s me.”

His eyes widened. “Oh, God. You’ve gotta be kidding me. They got you too? What were you doing at my work?”

The yellow mare crossed one forehoof in front of the other and bit her lip. Her light blue tail swished meekly, telegraphing guilt. “Not… exactly. I got converted last week. I just got out of the Bureau today. I… I wanted to surprise you.”

Kevin didn’t know what to say. He certainly didn’t know which had been the bigger surprise that day.