My Little Pony: In History, Maybe

"For eight long years of service to Equestria and to all lifekind, whether bipedal or quadrupedal," announced Princess Twilight Sparkle, "you, Javier Alberto Garcia Perez Ayma, have hereby qualified yourself as the very first official candidate for the knighthood in Equestria."

Alberto stood there in the great hall of Canterlot Castle, his hands trembling with perspiration as he looked at all the smiling furry four-footed equines in the hall around him. He just could not believe that something too good to be true was happening to him.

Merely eight years before, Alberto, then 33, had defeated the late Don Francisco Juan Perez -- whom he later found out was his own biological father -- in the All Latino TF2 challenge and thence become reigning TF2 champion in the entire Western Hemisphere. His victory had exposed Don Francisco as a socialist and a terrorist; Don Francisco and his men were then all arrested on the spot and jailed for life in Washington DC's maximum security prison; and just a few days after, Don Francisco committed hara-kiri in prison. Later in the same year, Alberto had relocated to Equestria and done his bit in planning defense strategies for the entire principality. Indeed, Equestria had been able to survive lots of attacks from evil forces since then, the toughest of those being the one against Queen Chrysalis and her changelings.

And now it was 2026 AD, and Alberto, now a grand 41 years of age, was standing in the hall of Canterlot Castle; he could not believe that he was going to be Equestria's very first officially-dubbed knight. He had to make the most of this chance.

"As a knight, gallancy and chivalry are greatly expected of you, Alberto," said Princess Twilight Sparkle. "You will be responsible for the internal security of all Equestria. The security, peace, and harmony of our principality are all dependent on your leadership. The decisions you make will affect the lives of everypony within our borders. Do you understand?"

"Si," replied Alberto.

"Do you hereby agree to undertake all responsibility of defending our principality, even at the expense of your own life, for the sake and security of all Equestria?" went on Princess Twilight Sparkle.

"Si," replied Alberto.

"I now address the rest of you," said Princess Twilight Sparkle. "Do you all agree to lend your support to our bipedal friend, and obey his every command, for the sake and security of all of Equestria?"

"We do, Celestia being our helper," said everypony.

"Alberto, you may step forward now and kneel down," ordered Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Alberto took two steps forward and knelt down at the throne. Princess Twilight Sparkle leaned her horn to Alberto's right cheek and struck him gently three times. "I dub thee knight," she said softly. "Rise now and face the ponies."

Alberto stood slowly to his feet and faced the entire castle filled with furry smiling equines.

"Behold," announced Princess Twilight Sparkle, "I present unto thee, Don Alberto Garcia, Cavaliere di Gran Croce!"

Hoof-applause sounded from all sides, like a sea of castanets. Alberto nodded in approval.

"It's time for the national anthem, biped," whispered Princess Twilight Sparkle, nudging Alberto. "Give the command!"

Alberto took a deep breath. "BARIS! SEDI-A!" he shouted.

Somepony struck a loud chord on the piano. The entire castle broke into a chorus of the National Anthem of Equestria:

Horsey, horsey don't you stop

just let your feet go clippety clop,

Your tail goes swish and your wheels go round,

giddy up, we're homeward bound.

Horsey, horsey on your way

We’ve done the journey many a day

Your tail go swish and your wheels go round,

giddy up, we're homeward bound.

We ain’t in a hustle.

We ain’t in a bustle.

So don’t go tearing up the road.

We ain’t in a hurry.

We ain’t in a flurry.

And we ain’t got a very heavy load.

So horsey, horsey don't you stop

Just let your feet go clippety clop,

Your tail go swish and your wheels go round,

giddy up, we're homeward bound.

The last strains of the National Anthem drew to a close. "BARIS! SENANG DI-RI!" shouted Alberto.

It was his very first time hearing the Equestrian National Anthem; even though he had lived in Equestria for eight long years, Alberto never once thought that Equestria even had a national anthem. Nevertheless, the words were indeed very fitting; it was like an encouragement to all ponies to remain calm even in times of adversity (the lines "we've done the journey many a day" and "don't go tearing up the road").

That evening indeed called for a celebration. The ponies kept pestering Alberto to treat them to meals in various restaurants around Equestria.

"I want to eat at MacDonwalds!" cried Snips.

"I want Appleloosa Fried Chicken!" said Snails.

"Don Alberto, please treat me to some Tex-Mex food, por favor!" said Thunderlane.

"No! No! I want some of your local Bolivian cuisine!" cried Derpy. "I've been down to your country so many times and haven't once had a chance to taste your local cuisine!"

"Big Mac and I, we could do with some Applebucks Coffee!" cried Braeburn.

"BASTA!" cried Alberto. "Here is my final decision: We will have a meal together tonight in the bar at the Resorts World Equestria! I've never really been to Manehattan before, so this is going to be my first time visiting the Business Center of our country! And the eight of you who have been closest to me all the while -- Derpy, Rainbow Dash, Snips, Snails, Flash Sentry, Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Thunderlane -- you guys come with me!"

The ponies cheered. Alberto mounted Derpy. "Giddy up!" he cried. "Let's go!"

At the bar in the basement of the Resorts World Equestria, the biggest hotel cum casino in Manehattan city, Alberto and the eight ponies sat at the bar table drinking some Applejack Daniels whisky and discussing what should be done next.

"Here's your refill, ponies," said C J Vargas, a friendly but tomboyish pegasister waitress from Guatemala, as she refilled Snips's and Snails's glasses.

"Obrigado," said Snails, thinking that the waitress was Portuguese.

"So as I was saying. Your plans all sound good, Don Alberto," said Big McIntosh, "but I think there are still a couple of areas which need some improvement, for example your belief that blood is not always thicker than water, that justice precedes relationships."

"You mean to say??" wondered Alberto.

"I mean to say that you need to be more mindful of everypony else," said Big McIntosh. "Do you know that you are very blessed to have a mama? My two younger sisters and I, we lost our parents at a young age, and so we were brought up by our grandmother."

"Let me cut you there, Big Mac," said Braeburn. "Alberto, sometimes we find that you're a little too impulsive. You tend to act without thinking quite a lot of times. You did not even once consider that Don Francisco might be your own real father. By the time you found out the truth it was already too late. You had so many opportunities to forgive him. But instead you chose the high road. While we admire your high-spiritedness and intelligence, Don Alberto, we do think you need to sometimes act wisely."

"Even if he was my papa," grumbled Alberto, "that still does not change the fact that he was a socialist and a terrorist and needed to be brought to justice."

Braeburn was about to reply, but suddenly he heard a shout from not far off. Alberto also heard it. So did the other ponies. It was coming from the other end of the bar. "OWWW!"

"Ms Vargas is in trouble!" cried Snails. He recognised the voice of the waitress who had served him earlier on.

Everypony, customer and staff alike, ran up to see what had happened to C J Vargas. She was lying on the floor, with a dart in the back of her neck. "Let me take a look, Ms Vargas," said Snails. The others were shocked that a colt as young as Snails was so willing to volunteer to give CPR to Ms Vargas.

Snails stepped forward and pulled out the dart. He sniffed it. "Oh no! This is terrible! It's a dart filled with the Nightmare Poison!" he cried, recognising the scent as having come from the plants grown in the Passionless Valley in Syldavia that had been exploited by Don Francisco and company. Immediately the whole bar erupted into chaos.

"Senorita Vargas, como esta? Bien?" Alberto asked the young tomboy waitress.

"Muy bien... gracias," gasped Ms Vargas; "look.... out.... they want.... to kill you.... too....." and suddenly her eyes closed and her breathing stopped. The bar's chaos escalated; glasses were thrown around, bipeds and ponies alike began getting into drunken squabbles, often physical.

"CJ! You can't die!" cried the bar manager, a brony from Mexico, coming up and trying in vain to revive Ms Vargas.

Alberto and his eight ponies immediately ran out of the bar in order to avoid further chaos. Snails made it sure that he had the poisoned dart in his hooves.

"Somepony killed Ms Vargas by sniping the dart into her neck from a long distance," said Alberto; "and we know that the fatality of this dart comes from the fact that its tip was smeared with Nightmare Poison -- and this Nightmare Poison is used in this manner only by los Peronistas."

"But I thought we had them all rounded up eight years ago?" asked Derpy.

"We did," said Alberto, "at least that lot. But from what I see, it seems that the Peronistas are no longer limited to just those people, or that area of our continent alone. I have a strong suspicion that there are more of them, maybe even in other parts of Earth."

"All the same," said Thunderlane, "we will still need to do investigations to verify everything."

A meeting about this incident was later called at Canterlot Castle, and chaired by Flash Sentry.

"Ms Camelita Juanita Vargas, better known by her masculine name 'CJ', was a lesbian and a gay/pedophile rights activist," he said. "She was a pegasister who had been working barely two months in the bar in RWE and was expecting a promotion soon. She was popular with her customers. It was very surprising that she would be shot to death like that.

"The last words she'd uttered before she slipped away, were: 'They want to kill you too'. This implies that clearly, despite her friendly nature at work, she certainly did have enemies. The fact that the poisoned dart that killed her was one smeared with Nightmare Poison, and the contextual knowledge that socialists tend to frown upon gays and lesbians in society, all points to the fact that it was certainly a group of highly dangerous Peronistas who killed her.

"From past experiences, we already have a very clear idea of which Peronistas are culpable; you can see them here in the five photos I've pinned on this whiteboard. However, these two in the pics over here are already dead: Don Francisco Juan Perez committed suicide after being arrested, and Sean O'Hara was killed during the final showdown. So that only leaves the other three over here -- Benz Guzmán, Jovento Bajarán, and Sean Brink. These other three are most capable of performing such a feat. But they were arrested and jailed for life also, in the maximum security prison of Scotland Yard in London at that; so the only way for them to do so would have been for one or more of them to escape prison somehow. But would that even be possible? I mean...."

"'Scuse me. The question is, how did they get into Equestria?" wondered Snips. "I mean, they've never done so before, and nopony can enter Equestria without help from horned ponies, or can they..?"

"That is a good question," said Flash Sentry. "Whoever was the assassin, if it were a human, would surely need aid from our unicorns or alicorns to get into Equestria. And even then, the official entrance to Equestria from Earth, is not in Manehattan, but in the heart of Ponyville. You know, that portal under the statue of Prince Hengroen. And even then, they would surely need lots of time to master Equestria's geography, if they were to make their way into Manehattan and find the right biped to snipe; it is pretty clearcut hence that the assassin surely not only knows Equestria's geography inside out, but also has been secretly living here for a very long time already."

"The assassin is Aeron Vartan," came a feminine voice from not far off.

Alberto and his companions rose to their feet and turned round. It was Princess Twilight Sparkle, who had just walked in with a few documents in her left forehoof.

"Aeron Levonovich Vartan is a Soviet Armenian professional serial killer and hacker," went on Princess Twilight Sparkle, looking dead serious. "He is one of the hardest killers to catch, and usually does not kill anypony except when he is paid by an enemy to kill somepony. While he was raised with a Soviet mentality, he does not pledge allegiance to any form of political, economical, or cultural system; all he cares about is the money he earns from his killing assignments. But naturally, he is more happy to oblige a pro-Soviet than an anti-Soviet.

"Vartan is known for having learned the art of killing in many ways, himself being an avid TF2 gamer. His latest method of killing was in using the Huntsman bow-and-arrow to fire arrows that would contain poison of all kinds. And the one that killed C J Vargas contained Nightmare Poison, which we know has been exploited as an assassination tool by only one group of baddies -- the Peronistas. The Peronistas, being followers of Juan Perón, are naturally socialists; and naturally Vartan would find himself more inclined to helping them. I think we should all go and find Aeron Vartan and have him brought to justice as soon as possible. Get an offensive organised immediately."

"And I think we'd better get our facts right before deciding what to do next," said Alberto.

"Keep it down, Alberto!" Derpy nudged him. "You've only just been made a knight; you don't want to lose your newly-found powers like that!"

So Alberto now had no choice but to follow through with Princess Twilight Sparkle's orders. Immediately an offensive was organised to seek out Aeron Vartan. They eventually found him that night at a deserted part of Manehattan, at an abandoned construction site.

"Wait first," said Princess Twilight Sparkle. "Just keep it down and observe him."

They watched Vartan sitting down in front of a flame he had alighted to keep himself warm. He was fanning himself and puffing a cigarette.

"Now!" whispered Princess Twilight Sparkle.

The eight ponies and Alberto burst onto the scene at once, attempting to surprise Vartan. "Canterlot Royal Guards!" they cried. "Get down!

Get down, get down, and move it all around!

Get down, get down, and move it all around!

Oh baby you're so fine, I'm gonna make you mine, your blood will taste so sweet!

You're the one for me, you're my Ecstasy, you're the one I need!

So they sang as they battled. For one person fighting eight ponies and one other person, Aeron Vartan was indeed very strong; his skilled karate moves were those of a third- or fourth-dan black belter. It took a lot of effort for Alberto and the eight ponies to finally corner him at a road stretch along Manehattan.

"Hands up!" shouted Alberto.

Within seconds, Alberto and Vartan were again interlocked in combat. In the process, the fence behind Vartan broke down, and Vartan was able to escape to the other side. Beyond the fence was a railway track, part of the line between Canterlot and Manehattan.

"Hands up!" shouted Twilight, attempting to prevent Vartan from escaping. Vartan turned around and raised his hands, smirking.

Just then, a freight train rolled by. Vartan hopped on it and escaped to safety.

"Alberto," said Princess Twilight Sparkle, "please come and see me after this."