The Tales of Black Toast and White Grain and their misadventures in Equestria

Chapter 2: An unspectacular greeting.

It was early morning when they arrived in Ponyville. Of course Grain was still questioning his perception of reality while Toast being the brony in the group, he was smiling widely, after a few minutes Grain started to reconcile his classical view of chaos and the deities thereof with having just met a God of Chaos of a pantheon mostly alien to his perceptions.

“So. This is the My Little Pony setting? Right?” Grain shakily asked.

“Well, we just met Discord, and we’re both ponies, so either that or we’re taking some really damn good drugs,” replied Toast.

“Okay. So. Functionally, I am a magical unicorn,” Grain continued,

“I wouldn’t say that until I saw you use magic, but yeah, probably,” Toast replied.

Taking a deep breath, Grain said, “So how would go about using magic?”

Thinking for a moment, Toast replied, “I always thought it was a focus thing, you know, focus on picking that pebble there up.”

Trying to apply this advice, Grain focused all his confusion at being a pony to pick up a pebble. It stayed shakily in the air for a few seconds, after which it stabilized. On the ground.

“How much did it take out of you to drop a pebble?” Toast snarked.

“Not much. It formed good practice. Let’s try that again, IN THE NAME OF TZEENTCH!”

Trying again, he held it in the air for a while longer before tossing it into the sky at high speed. It went through a curiously low hanging cloud, before dropping off at an odd angle, almost as if it had hit something. The first thing that hit Grain was a hoof in the face. Then the sonic boom sent him even farther, and then finally the ground hit him.

Toast, on the other hand, was having the time of his life. He had just seen a sonic rainboom impact a unicorn in the face. And then the creator of that boom gazed down on him, murder in her eyes over having been woken up at oh god o’clock.

“Okay, who’s the jerk who woke me up this early?!” The sky blue pony yelled in a commanding tone at the only pony still conscious.

Toast pointed at the heap that was Grain.

Calming down so as to not wake anypony else, the sky blue pony asked Toast, “Okay. Who are you guys, and why did she wake me up this early?” Anger was still evident in her voice, but it was more controlled than her prior state of MAIM MURDER MASSACARE.

Toast, now less ecstatic at having seen an idol of his, calmly replied, “We are two brothers looking for work. My brother was just bored and threw a rock, and accidently hit you, Miss…?”

Puffing her front up, she said with voice thick with pride, “Oh, you haven’t heard of me? Rainbow Dash, the fastest flyer in Equastria, the soon to be captain of the wonderbolts, the ace of aces, the only pony ever to do the sonic rainboom, how could you not hear of me?”

“Well, in my defense, it IS fairly dark. I think we’re kinda lost too, so I didn’t know this was Ponyville,” Toast replied, the voice in his head reminding him to Lie, lie, LIE!

As all this was going on, Grain was starting to regain some sense of consciousness. What little was going through his head, was not positive. He had been renamed WhiteGrain. He was in a land he was unfamiliar with, his best friend had been appointed his boss by a foreign deity, and he had just taken a sonic boom to the face. To put it mildly, he was displeased.

The voice in his heart was screaming, Blood for the blood god! Skulls for the skull throne! But that was not the voice he answered to. The voice in his head was calmly stating, The natives have the capacity for sonic boom generation. You aren’t a chaos marine, don’t anger them anymore than you already have. Tzeentch always made a better role model anyway.

Slowly getting up, Grain saw Toast and a new blue (or was it cyan?) pony talking. Based on the wings and coloration, he made an educated guess that she was Rainbow Dash from all the things Toast had said. He slowly walked over to the pair of conferring ponies.

“I’m okay! Slightly curious as to how I earned a sonic boom to the face, but otherwise fine!” Grain said announcing his presence.

“Oh, hey Grain! You’re okay! Well, this here is Rainbow Dash of many awesome names! Apparently, you woke her up, so she punched you,” Toast called to Grain.

“I woke her up with a rock by accident. So she smashed my face into the ground. That’s not an overreaction at all,” Grain moaned, the thought of, Fucking Brony, stuck in his head.

“I was having a good dream. Then you woke me up. Jerk,” Rainbow replied, her tongue sticking out, “Either way, since I’ve been woken up already, I might as well take care of my job. You said you were looking for employment. Check out Applejack’s further down that road,” she said, pointing down the road in question.

“Thank you. We’ll wait till it isn’t ungodly early to check out. Don’t want to wake anyone else up,” Toast said. “We will just be headed down the road now, bye.” Toast then gestured to thee now completely conscience Grain and began walking down the path to Applejack’s until they were far from where most signs of habitation.

Grain realized that he could now rant on Toast properly for all the shit going on. He stopped Toast dead in his tracks and screamed with pure, unrefined, fury about how much he hated the current situation. Most of it was inarticulate ranting, in pure angrish, but parts of it were less so. “YOU HAD TO DRAG ME INTO THIS! You fucking thought I would have loved to come to this world you know full of god damn horses, well guess fucking what I don't! You pushed them on me, before but this is fucking ridiculous! I'm now stuck here and forced to live in this stupid world for the rest of my life you dumbass! if I could coherently think right now I would love to give you a very in depth speech about why you sir are an ignorant piece of crap!"

Toast looked at his friend, who was now panting, and smiled and asked "Do you feel better now."

Grain exhausted after his enraged rant nodded.

"Good," Toast said, "Because we have to apply for a job now." He calmly continued walking down the road until he saw a very nice clearing on the side of the road after a while."Hey Grain," Toast called behind him.

"What?" Grain responded wearily.

"Why don't we stop and relax in this clearing?" Toast asked walking into the clearing examining it.

Grain walked into the clearing and collapsed with a thud, falling asleep immediately upon contact with the ground.

"Well I guess that’s a yes" Toast said to himself, and then with a thud was on the ground sleeping.

A few hours later they woke up. They were still in the field with their organs still intact. Toast stretched his body after laying on the somewhat soft ground as Grain was yawning and feeling rested. “So … Caleb, err, Toast what are we going to do again?” he asked.

Toast grinned, “Well ,” he started “In most of the fics I’ve read the newcomers try and get jobs, and preferably jobs at the apple’s farm “ he pointed at a farm, and while their view was somewhat obstructed by trees, it was a large farm, and seemed to have lots of acres apple trees.

Grain sighed and said “Okay, fine, let's go get jobs.”