The Harshest of Winters

Arc 1: Chapter 1

Exile to Solitary

        …

“Mommy?” A small voice questioned.

“…”

“Yes my child?” Said an older, hushed voice.

“When can I go play outside?”

“When you’re older my dear, it’s much too dangerous for a small foal.”

“But Mommy, I’m four now!” The small voice whined.

“And yet, still so small…” Said the older mare in a quiet voice, tightly cuddling the young filly.

The young one gave a small giggle.

“I love you mommy…” The small voice said in a tired voice, resting in her mother’s arms.

The mare looked down upon here child with a smile.

"..."

“I love you too, Camilla.”

…

        …And then I woke up…

The Harshest of Winters

By: WolfBravery

......

I woke up.

I kept my eyes closed.

I did not want to open my eyes, for I was just at the safest place I knew, a happy place of sorts. I have had this dream once every week or so, it is and will always be my favorite of them all.

This dream brought me warmth and happiness when I felt sad; I would stay in that dream for as long as I could if I was given the chance.

I remember when I was just a young filly, my mother would hold me in her arms and tell me that as long as I kept my head up, I could achieve my dreams. She would play with me every day, telling me she would always be with me.

However—it has been a lot different as of late. I am a mare of seventeen now and as the years have gone by my mother has told me that I needed to become more independent. She has started becoming more and more detached, leaving for long periods to a place unknown. I have had nightmares about it ever since she has said that to me.

For the first time in my life, I experienced how it felt to be alone.

She has kept me in secrecy, told me that if I was found, "they" would take me away and I would never get to come back. I never understood who hated me so much, or why. All I knew is that with my mother—I would always be safe.

But then I grew curious...

When I was of the age of nine, I decided to sneak out of my room and wander the hive. I watched from the shadows as the other changelings would laugh and play together. Sometimes—they would be training for something. Running laps, doing hoove-ups, and learning how to fly. I never knew how to fly; I have tried for a long time and could never figure it out.

After months of being shy and observing them from afar, I confronted one of the younger changelings, about my age. He ran off screaming in a panic. I was almost caught by an older changeling—however, I was swift and nimble. I would always get back to my room without being seen. The adult changelings were on high guard for a while, but they eventually quit searching. My mother scolded me for the first time that day... I felt really awful about it, so I quit for a few months.

And then I grew curious again...

I brought myself to sneak out once more. Except this time, I met one that was not so jumpy; instead of being creeped out, he actually liked me for who I was. For the first time in my entire life, I made a friend, and I had play'd with another changeling my age. This had to have been the happiest day of my life. I eventually knew a lot of them and we would play around on occasion. I made so many friends that I wished they would always stay with me. I was also thankful that none of them told the adult changelings about me too.

My mother soon caught on to this and at first she was very adamant, scared this put me in danger—but soon after allowed me to continue playing with them with the promise that I’d stay out of trouble and be careful.

From then on, I’ve been happy and learned a lot from my friends I even got to see what was on the outside of the hive, we went to go peek through a hole in the wall. Something white and fluffy covered the ground for as far as the eyes could see, and there were these things called “trees” and “mountains” that the younger changelings spoke of.

The wall was patched, but it was awesome to see. I cherish all the memories I share with my mother and friends; I have had a lot of happy times with all of them

"..."

I opened my eyes slowly, looking at ceiling of my room. It was dark.

“Yeah, happy… I just wish I could see more…” Quietly I muttered.

“Life has to be more than just this, I just know it…”

I let out a sigh and rolled over on my side.

“I just want to rest, even if just for a little longer…” I thought, closing my eyes and drifting to sleep.

......

I was awoken. I felt groggy as normal—except I could feel my body being shaken and heard the sound of metal clanging.

In a panic, I quickly opened my eyes, repelling backwards and focusing my eyes to see what was happening.

“Shh…” Hushed a voice.

I struggled to focus my eyes and saw nothing but a blur.

“It’s just me, sweetie. No need to be afraid.”

My eyes finally focused and I could see it was my mother sitting on the side of my bed.

Relieved, I caught my breath and started to relax; my heart was pounding. I slumped back down into my bed, letting out a sigh.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” She said.

“I know…” I said sadly.

She nuzzled my face softly.

“You’ve been asleep longer than usual Camilla, is anything wrong?”

I stretched out my muscles, yawning.

“No, just felt like sleeping in today… That's all. Sorry.” I explained.

“There’s no need to apologize.” She said, smiling at me.

I gave a small smile; it was like returning one was second nature.

“You know, if you sleep all-day, you won’t have time to meet up with your friends.”

“Mmhmm” I replied with a small nod.

My mother stood up, walking away.

I glanced around my room. I did not really have much in my room, just a mirror, a stool, a bed, a lantern mounted to the wall, and a couple of toys I used to play with when I was younger. I do not know why I still hang onto that stuff.

“Come here, I’ll brush your mane for you.” My mother offered, standing next to the stool and mirror, patting the stool.

I got out of bed, yawning again and making my way over to her.

I sat down and she began brushing my mane.

I noticed that when she brushed my mane, she was doing so with confidence. It was a quality I wish I had. My mother has taught me a lot about life and the essentials of living. She has taught me everything from washing clothes, to cooking food, and cleaning up so I could take care of myself—although I did not like the thought of living alone, I have had nightmares about it.

“I’m almost done, just stay still a little longer.” She said.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I replied playfully, looking at her in the mirror.

She stopped for a moment, staring at my head. After a few seconds she smiled and continued to brush my mane.

“I’m glad to hear that.” She said, quietly. I could barely hear it, and would not have if I did not see her mouth moving.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I was a changeling, a little taller than the drones my age. It seems that girls tend to grow taller than the boys, because my mother and I seem to be taller than the others our ages. I have also seen our Queen in a book before. She was tall.

The only other difference that I noticed between the girls and boys is that the girls had a mane while the boys seemed to not. Even though I have not really thought about it recently, I really cherish my mane. It is a light orange color, a little wavy, and strands curving down my face in the way of one of my amber eyes. I have loved my mane and have always taken care of it. I especially love when my mom would show me how to style it; she told me that it was how I needed to brush it if I wanted to “dress up” for something formal.

I looked up at my mom in the mirror also, I looked like a spitting image of her—except for each strand, she has had a splash of white at the end. It was unique to her, and it definitely suited her well. I sometimes wondered why I did not have that even though my mother does—but it has not bothered me much.

She noticed me staring at her and exchanged with me a small smile.

“There, finished.”

“Thanks mom.” I said, happily.

“Anything for my precious girl. Also, your morning feast is already prepared downstairs.”

“Okay.” I said with a little laugh.

She gave me a warming hug and walked out of my room.

I sat there for a while, observing the masterpiece she is made of my mane. Yet again, she has ceased to amaze me with her abilities of style. She usually only brushes my mane and makes my breakfast when she has free time, usually when she does not have somewhere to be. This was what I would consider a special occasion.

I let out a sigh and stood up after I was done admiring my mother’s work, following her out of my room.

I walked over and sat down at the table placed near the center of the room.

“Camilla, I have to leave for work. I’ll be back in a couple hours.”

I looked up at her as she said that…

"..."

I must have sent the wrong message to her, because she looked back at me with worry, frowning.

“You know I won’t be long, just go play with your friends.”

I realized what was going on, it has happened many times in the past: I did not want her to leave and I knew it full-well. Only this time, I accidentally let her notice.

I looked back down at my meal, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

“…I know.” I tried to mumble in a neutral tone—but the words came out with a sad tremble.

I opened my eyes wide as I realized what I just said.

Suddenly, I was embraced into hug. My mother pulled me close to her; I could feel the warmth of her body.

“I love you, Camilla, and I’d never leave you, and you know that.” She said with a very comforting and reassuring voice.

She started stroking my mane.

"I have something very special planned tomorrow for you.”

My mouth began to shake involuntarily, and soon, my whole body. I felt as if I was supposed to release this tension built up inside me, but I just could not.

My mother hugged me even tighter, I could feel our energy connected, the warmth of her embrace was calming and I slowly stopped shaking. I hugged her back to show that I was okay.

After what felt like minutes, she let go of me, slowly releasing me from the warmth of her embrace. She looked at me with her "everything's okay" eyes and a small smile.

"Now, I must go to work. Promise me you’ll be careful, Camilla.”

“I will.” I obediently responded, forcing almost no emotion to show in my voice.

I tried my best to hold back my feelings. I did not want her to worry any more than she already has. I wanted to show her that I was independent. ...Even if it was not true.

My mother smiled at me, kissing my cheek tenderly, getting up and leaving soon after.

I stared into space for a few minutes, thinking about what just happened. I felt bad about it making her worry like that.

I returned to my bed and lied down.

I did not know what I was feeling, I felt like something was missing.

This has happened many times in the past; however, I never understood what it meant…

"..."

No, I did.

I felt alone.

“I won’t be able to stay with my mother forever and I know it.”

I curled into a ball and held myself tightly.

“What's happening with my life?”

......

I was sitting against the wall of training chamber. All of my friends and even a few new changelings I did not recognize we are here. They were probably new or just enrolled into the training program.

"I should be fine as long as I stick close with my friend. They should not give me trouble... "

The training chamber was a large room containing various hoops and hurdles, training dummies, and other tools used to help you train. I never bothered spending much time training, I would join my friends every once and a while—but for the most part I sat against the walls and watched.

I knew it was safe for me to be here; the adult changelings only come at certain times to train them.

I asked at one point in the past what they were doing, my friends told me that they were training to become drones for the Queen. Kind of like a group of bodyguards. I have thought about how much of an honor it would be to work for our Queen. I mean—she runs everything we do, calls shots. However, I later on dismissed that thought. I knew I would never get that opportunity when they do not like me in the first place.

I glanced up at my friends, they were practicing their changing magic, racing each other, and just generally talking. They looked like they were having fun, I wanted join them—but I was not really feeling the best today... I would be lying if I said I was.

I looked back down at the ground.

I wanted to day to be over already, I could return to that humble place in my dreams I think about so often. Even if it was not—I thought it was real enough.

“Camilla? Whatcha’ doing?”

I snapped out of my thoughts and back to reality, quickly looking up.

It was Zo; he was the first friend I have ever made. I gazed into his light red eyes.

He was a good listener; he has been talked to me for years now and we have been close friends ever since the day we first met. He has gotten me out of trouble multiple times. I cannot thank him enough for that.

“Why are ya just sittin’ here? Is somethin’ wrong?” He asked carefully, examining me.

I had to lie again. To let someling worry about me over something like this would be awful.

“Not really, just thinking about how I couldn’t jump through that 4 meter hoop the other day.” I said to him playfully, trying to be convincing.

“Hah! Don’t worry, you will get it eventually. Common, I’ll help you!” He said, grabbing my hoof and pulling me up. He dragged me over to the hoops that were set up.

There was a hoop for 1, 2, 4, and 7 meters. I have seen all the top changelings jump the 7-meter hoop, but I could never imagine me being able too, it looked high... And I did not have much of a spring in my step to be honest.

“Comere’!” Zo exclaimed, trotting over to the 4-meter hoop.

As I made my way to him, I was greeted by the others who were practicing. Most of them were exhausted so I chuckled at them.

Zo gestured me to get on the step and attempt the hoop, so I did, I got on it, readying my pouncing stance.

“Your stance is off.” Zo said being blatant.

“H-huh? What do you mean?”

“You have to have your front down and you back rose, like this.”

Zo put one hoof on my back in between my shoulders.

The other hoof touched just below my belly.

My face became red with embarrassment as he touched… Well… You can probably guess...

I bucked him straight in the face; he was knocked onto the floor, put a-daze.

He shook his head and quickly apologized. “Sorry! I forget you’re-a girl sometimes...” He offered me an awkward laugh; rubbing the spot, I knocked him in the head.

I looked at him with shock and embarrassment in my eyes. I wanted to apologize for kicking him, but I did not want to say it—the best I could do was convey it with my eyes.

Luckily, nobody was watching when it happened; all they saw was him lying on the floor.

Needlesstosay, this was a moment I hoped to soon forget.

…

“...Let’s try this again.” He said slowly, “Get into a stance like this.”

He proceeded to lower his front and raise his back.

His stance looked like that of a professional, like he had confidence when he did it. I remembered how my mother was confident with brushing mane; it was like that—except Zo was confident with athletics. I wondered again what it was like—but the best I could do was assume it is a good feeling.

I tried my best to mimic his form and I found I must have done it well, a few of my friends watching we are cheering me on.

I decided I was ready, ready to jump the 4-meter hoop.

I nodded to Zo and he nodded back.

I focused on the hoop intensely, thinking of how I will make it. I just have to put a lot of my energy into moving forward to clear the gap between the hoop and the step. I began to focus…

"One…”

I remembered everything that Zo told me.

“Two…”

I concentrated on the hoop.

“Three!”

I jumped, putting a lot of force into my legs, I could hear the sound of the step thumping as I exerted my buildup of energy into it.

I glided through the hoop, tapping the bottom of it with my back hoof on the way out. However, I landed perfectly. My friends cheered me on in the background.

Saying things like “Good job!” They said. “Awesome landing ‘Mella!”

I noticed Zo walking towards me, smiling. I returned his smile, and he gave me a pat on the back.

“Nice one Camilla. Coulda’ been better though.” He said teasingly.

I remembered the benefits of having friends, I felt like being a part of their group was quite an honor. I have also always felt more open than shy when I am around them. My friends always made me feel at home. I looked at Zo with a cheesy grin on my face, the look in his eyes said that he was proud of my accomplishment.

“You call that good?” A voice mocked. “Don’t make me laugh.”

I and Zo turned to the voice; it was Ed and his two “goons”.

They have always caused nothing but trouble in our hive; luckily, I have never had any encounters with them. Unfortunately—I was about to have one now.

“All you did was jump through the 4 meter hoop. I mean, that would be okay, if you were a foal.” His friends snickered. “And just what is a girl doing here anyway? They don’t let girls into the drone army.”

They were always so full of themselves; I could never imagine how anyling could possibly have that much blind confidence in them. It seems to take a negative effect on you when you have it; he clearly was not very nice.

I was not afraid of him; I was surrounded by those who accept me for who I am. Although—I felt awkward and did not know what to do. I just decided to look away, down at the floor. I felt uncomfortable nonetheless.

“Hey, pick on someling your own size.” Zo stepped in, putting a wall between me and Ed.

The expression on Zo’s face looked intense; I have never seen this side of him before. He looked as if he was ready to knock Ed out.

“What? You’re protecting this weakling girl Zo? I thought you were cool like us.” Ed said with an annoyed tone. “She can barely jump the 4 meter hoop!”

“What are ya implying?”

“She can’t even jump the 7 meter hoop like we can; the strong changelings should stick together. She’s a weak girl.”

“Our Queen’s a girl, are you callin’ her weak too?”

“Our Queen needs bodyguards doesn’t she? That means she’s weak.” Ed said mockful attitude. “All girls are weak; they have to rely on us to survive.”

“Who would wanna rely on a selfish ling like you?” Zo questioned sarcastically.

They continued for a little under a minute or two, trading insults and arguing.

I felt something that I have not felt before. I felt ashamed. I did not want other people to fight for me; I just wanted to be equal like every other ling. My friend is going out of his way to help me and I am not helping at all… I grew angry with myself as my heart stirred.

“Who would want to hang out with a weakling anyway? They’re unreliable! Literally useless!” Ed spewed spitefully.

“Just because someling’s weak doesn’t mean they’re unreli-”

“No.” I interrupted, loud so Ed could hear me.

Both looked at me.

“…You’re wrong, Ed.”

“Why don’t you prove it then? You weak fool.” Ed sneered at me.

Zo turned to me and asked quietly, “You don’t have to do this; he’s just egging you on.”

“I know.” I said quietly with vengeance.

Zo backed away a bit knowing I was serious.

“Right this way!” Said Ed playfully, walking towards the hoops.

I walked over to the 7-meter step.

“Usually, we all get one try in competitions like these—although you’re a girl, so you get three.” He said with excitement in his voice.

He was driving me over the edge, and I wanted to hit him, but something in the back of my head told me not to.

I let my anger speak for me.

“Why? It only takes one to prove you wrong.” I said mockingly.

He gave me an annoyed glare and said “Fine, your loss. I’m first.”

He got on the step for the 7-meter hoop and entered a pounce stance.

I could see every little flaw with his form and took note of a few things.

“Here we go…” He muttered, but I could hear him from being so close.

He released an extreme amount of force in his jump, the step made a hard knock that everyling could hear. I was impressed by the sheer power in his kick.

He glided towards the hoop, barely making it through. He hit his back leg off the bottom of it on the way out; it emitted a clang noise the rattled through the entire room.

His landing was perfect, however.

“Try and beat that, girl.” He said, confidently.

It gave me a twisted feeling in my stomach.

“I can’t back out now…”

I got onto the step. It felt very sturdy.

My mind had thoughts of doubt running through it.

“Wait… What will happen if I don’t make it? If I failed would my friends leave me?”

My thoughts were killing me; it was very difficult to dismiss them and became very hard to focus.

A nervous bead of sweat ran down my face in anticipation, my legs felt weak and shaky. I got into my pouncing stance, preparing for the inevitable.

Then a thought coursed through my mind, it was something my mother told me in the past.

She said she would always be by my side.

I could feel her presence, it felt like she was watching over me and I did not want to let her down; my doubt was replaced with confidence. I noticed my friends cheering me on and a sudden urge of strength course through my body.

I was ready.

I readjusted my stance based on the flaws in his, remembering everything that he did wrong. I kept in mind the things that Zo taught me about how to go high when you are jumping from a base. He told me to concentrate on the target, keep my body straight, and spread my wings I could soar.

I psyched myself up a bit to prepare myself more.

“One…”

I steadied my breathing, calmed myself down.

“Two…”

I visualized me jumping through the hoop.

“Three!”

 I exerted the buildup of energy into my legs slamming them into the board I was standing on. I felt the thundering roar of the sound I made when I launched myself into the air, it was an overwhelming and thrilling, it filled me with excitement.

I glided towards the hoop, keeping my wings spread. I started feeling like I wasn’t going to clear it as I approached it—but then I felt the presence of my mother one last time watching over me and I quickly straightened my pose. I passed through the center of the hoop, avoiding the ring instead of touching it.

The feeling of victory flowed through me as I cleared the hoop perfectly.

I landed on my forelegs, losing my balance a little but recovering quickly.

My friends and the new trainees soon crowded around me, cheering.

I could see Ed behind them with the most dead-anger expression I have ever seen in my entire life.

I noticed him saying something, glaring straight at me. His lips were moving but I could not hear him over the sound of my friends cheering.

He turned his back to me and left the training room swiftly, his two lackeys following him shortly after.

I discovered a new feeling, accomplishment. This feeling was amazing and filled me with a sense of passionate glee.

“Is this how it feels to be confident…?”

I could feel the acceptance of my mother and her being proud.

As the cheering died down, I suddenly felt a weird tingle. It was hard to describe—but it was like something was coming. I could feel other people slowly lurking closer to me. It was coming from the hallway outside of the training room.

“Oh no, adults! I need to hide!”

I pushed my way out of the crowd of my friends and jolted as fast as I could into the storage room at the end of the training room. It was after I made it and settled down that I notice Zo following me.

Shortly after he made it into the storage closet with me, the doors to the training room door slammed open, making a very unsettling noise that hurt my sensitive ears.

“What’s with all the noise in here?!” A deeper voice with anger too it questioned. “Why are you all yelling?!”

We could hear the clatter of the other changeling’s feet as they lined up in front of him.

I started to shiver a little bit. I was quieting myself, careful not to make a peep.

Our friends were very loyal; they made up a believable excuse. Something about combat training.

The adult changeling persisted questioning them however, not easily fooled.

I began trembling in the fear of being caught, the things I have imagined of what they would do to me when I was younger was not helping either. I knew I needed to stop, if I did not I would make some kind of noise and the adult changeling would hear it. It would be over for me, he would take me somewhere and I would never get to see my mother again.

I covered my ears with my hooves and squeezed my eyes shut, my breathing quickened from the true terror I was experiencing. I imagined never getting to see my mother again, never being able to tell her how I truly feel, never getting to feel her warm touch ever again. The thoughts coursing through my head were absolute agonizing.

With every loud step the adult changeling made, I became more and more prone to make a noise. I tried with all my effort—but the lurking feeling of despair was pushing me more and more over the edge. And before I knew it, it was too late.

“…”

I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me.

I opened my eyes and saw that I was pulled into a hug by Zo. He put my head to his chest gently. It was strong, and comforting.

“Shh…” He said quietly, stroking my mane with his hoof gently. “Don’t wanna be caught, do you?”

I began blushing; thoughts were flooding my mind… But then I began to fill the warmth of his body. It was similar to how my mother felt.

How could this be? How could this feeling be resonating from someling other than my mother? I questioned this repeatedly in my head, but I could not think of a rational answer. All I knew was that I could feel his warmth, and it was soothing. It felt similar to the dream I had from time to time.

My shaking subsided, and I found myself wrapping my arms around him, trying to expel the negative thoughts festering themselves my mind, the ones that terrified me. And it worked. I could feel my mind draining of everything unpleasant, it was all being replaced with the warm fuzzy feeling that I found was comforting. I wanted to hang onto this feeling for as long as I could.

Nothing mattered anymore; when I was experiencing this feeling, time went by slowly. Whatever I was so worried about previously seemed to not bother me anymore, I felt as if the world around me froze. Lost in time, taken in by the sheer warmth and happiness I was experiencing.

What felt like hours had passed and the adult changeling were gone. I do not know what happened, all I know is that it was over now, and I had nothing to worry about anymore.

“T-Thank you…” I said quietly, a little embarrassed.

He just smiled kindly at me, helping me get up with him.

“Want me to walk ya back to ya room?” He spoke kindly.

I froze for a moment, trying to process what he had just asked.

“He… wants to stay with me?” I thought to myself slowly, it sounded nice. I really wanted to say yes.

“That’s okay, I can make it myself. Thank you though, really.” I said carefully, not wanted to offend him.

He just smiled at me, petting the top of my head.

I returned his smile gratefully.

“By the way, how did ya know a soldier was coming?”

I tried coming up with a rational answer.

“…I’m honestly not sure.”

......

As I was approaching the door to our home in the residential part of the hive, I started thinking about what Zo asked me just moments ago. It was not exactly something I hear people say every day. I do not know what it was about those words he said—but they had a different feeling to them than I have ever experienced before. This was quite unknown to me. Just what were his intentions? I mean, they certainly were not bad ones.

I was now standing in front of my door.

As a routine, I never open the door immediately; I always check to make sure no one was inside first. It is sort of paranoia really, I do not want to be caught by an adult.

I slowly crept the door open and peeked inside…

Nothing.

Our house was empty, and if you did not know any better, you had thought no one lived here. That was just the impression our house gave off. My mother and I never really did anything special to decorate our home—but then again, I don’t really know what everyone else’s houses look like, so I have nothing to compare ours too. I just had the feeling it could be more than what it was.

I stepped inside my house, shutting the door behind me.

“Mom?” I said in a raised tone.

…

I did not get a response; I figured my mother would still be out. When I turned 12 she started teaching me how to prepare meals for myself, this was around the time she started to become so busy with what she called “work”. She refused in the past to tell me what it was; I did not see why it mattered so much. She would leave for hours at a time, telling me that it was so we could continue living in the hive.

Now that I think of it, why would she want to live in the hive? If all the lings here want me gone, why do we not just leave? In some of the books my mother would bring home to me when I was younger, they stated that there was a vast world full of beautiful things beyond the walls of the hive. Why would she want to stay in this dark place full of pain and hatred like this?

I looked around the room, observing the details of it.

Nothing changed at all since I have been gone. Everything always seemed so static. Clean, it has always been clean; nothing in here ever becomes messy, my mother and I are the only ones who inhabit this house. The only time it would ever get even slightly messy is when we had had a guest over. She has always told me to stay in my room when we had guests over, at the time I never understood why. I would overhear their conversations, they would talk about “plans” and “ranks” but I never really understood what they meant by it.

I walked over to the door that leads to my room, opening it and stepping inside.

Sigh

This is where I have been my entire life, I have spent so much time in my room—it rather annoys me. I would play with my toys, learned how to speak; I grew up in here. I am always going to either remember this room as a sad or happy place in my memories—but I have not chosen one yet; I do not really know how I feel about this room. I feel as if it’s some sort of cage I have been locked away in my whole life—however I have always had my fair share of happy memories with my mother in here. One thing for certain, I am never going to forget it.

Moving over to my bed, I lazily plopped onto it.

This has to be the best part of my room; it was a place I most favored. This bed has allowed me to sleep for hours at a time and dream wonderful dreams. Even though some were bad, most of them were nice and peaceful. I especially enjoyed the dream I had this morning, that one was by far the best. However, I faintly remember the moment that dream was based on; I can’t really remember a time when that memory actually happened—but I knew it happened, and that’s all that mattered to me.

I closed my eyes and let myself drift off into thought.

My mother always told me that I shouldn’t be so careless, she knew I would sneak out a lot, and she knew she had no control of whether I did or not. All she could do was trust I would be careful and stay safe. I actually feel bad that I have disobeyed her back then—however had I not; I would never have met the lings that I called my friends today. I do not know how I would be if I have never met my friends…

Would I even be the same person had I not met them? Were the risks I took back then even worth it? I was so close to being caught today—I cannot even joke about it. I know my limits; I have been staying out of trouble for as long as I can remember…

“Mother, I’m so sorry.”

I put my hooves over my eyes.

I have felt so bad, day after day of disobeying her, I felt like I was betraying her, she was the only person I ever trusted at the time. She has done so much for me and this is how I repay her? I have so much respect for her; to do the things I have done just feels flat out wrong. I have never wanted to leave my room—but I have always wanted to explore outside. The amount of pain this contradiction has caused could be accountable for how I have changed since I was younger.

It is just, the way I feel when I am around my friends is so, comforting. I feel so, free, when I am around them. Why could I not just be like one of them? They get to go around wherever they want—whenever they want.

“It’s not fair…”

It wasn’t fair, It just wasn’t. For my whole life, I’ve had to stay in this house with my mother, alone. I couldn’t rationally explain to you why it was wrong, it just was, and I knew that as a fact, I’d remind myself everyday that it was. What do they even think of me? Why would they want to be gone forever? Am I some kind of… monster?

“…”

My body began to shiver, my breathing began to quicken. I started to have an achy feeling running through my body, and felt pressure on my eyes. I don’t know why this keeps happening to me. I never even understood what it meant. I felt as if I was suppose to relieve the pain and tension built up inside of me—but there was some kind of barrier stopping me from doing it.

I felt like everything and everyone was mocking me, sure I had my friends, but there were so many things that were wrong with life. Was what Ed really said true? That I was just some weak girl who has no power to change anything?

I tried to calm myself. Curling up in my bed, I allowed myself to drift off…

......

I woke up.

This time I opened my eyes.

I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep—but I’d be lying if I said I cared. I felt exhausted, and after what happened yesterday, I should be expecting that. I felt no reason to get up, my daily meet-up with my friends has passed, and I don’t really want to see Zo so early after what happened…

“…”

I better check if mother came back, I’d hate for her to think I just went back to sleep after she left for her work.

I lazily got up from bed, rubbing my eye gently and walking over to the mirror. I’m not going to lie, my mane looked like a complete mess.

“I don’t want her to see me like this…”

I picked up my brush and started brushing my mane in strokes. I spent about 5 minutes getting it to look nice and neat. It wasn’t fancy or spectacular albeit—but it was at least presentable and not messy.

Putting the brush down I walked out of my room in search of my mother.

“…”

She still wasn’t home.

“I thought she’d at least be back by now…”

Sigh

I walked over to the table I ate at and sat down.

I looked around the room, nothing was really different, except… My mother’s room door was open a little?

“I didn’t notice that on my way in.”

Now that I think about it, I haven’t been in my mother’s room since I was a small child. I wonder if she’s changed it since then. But then again, I shouldn’t invade her privacy.

I sat there, looking around the room more. Then I looked back at her door, staring at it for a good while.

Let’s just say curiosity got the best of me and there was no possible way to control it.

I slowly walked over to my mother’s room door.

I opened it slowly, turning on her room’s lantern.

“…”

It’s the exact same as before, there was a bed, a small table next to it, some candles, and her desk.

But… Something was on the desk, but I couldn’t quite make it out.

I slowly crept over to her desk, looking around the room a little more.

Peeking over the desk, there was a note and what looked like… a hairpin?

I picked up the note, it read:

______________

My beloved daughter,

I know I haven’t been there for you these past few years, but it was only so you could become more social and grow into a normal mare. I was never bothered when you’d leave the house, in fact, I wanted you to explore every once and a while. I knew if I didn’t do this, you’d never do it. I know all about your friends, they’ve helped shape you to be the mare you are today. You must cherish them, for in this world, they are the most valuable things to have. I’m so terribly sorry for neglecting you, it has pained me every day I’ve done so—but I knew it was the only way. All I can hope for is that you’ll forgive me.

Just know this: There is a world outside of this place, and it’s beautiful. I want you to be able to experience it for yourself. So for your birthday, I’m going to take you outside the hive and we are going to travel to the top of a mountain! I know you’d like this, you’ve always been curious about what’s outside the walls of the hive.

I want you to have our sapphire family crest my mother gave me when I was your age. I know it’ll bring you good luck in this world and help guide you to your destiny. Also, a secret I must share with you is of dire importance, I felt as if it would be right for you to know now that you’re a fully-grown mare. I didn’t want to tell you and have it break your sweet little heart.

Just know, I love you with all my heart, and I’d never do anything to hurt you if I didn’t have to. You mean the absolute world to me.

Be ready and waiting by the time I get back after you’ve received this so we can leave as soon as I get back from work.

Happy birthday!

• Your loving mother.

______________

“S-S-She…”

My body started to shake involuntarily, the pressure on my eyes started again like they had before.

“She… Did it on purpose…?”

I started backing away slowly, losing my balance and stumbling onto her bed.

“She pushed me away so I’d go and make friends? WHY?” My voice elevated.

“She’s brought me so much pain… And didn’t even plan on tell me until now!”

I tossed and turn on the bed from the overwhelming pain of emotions.

“All I wanted was her love, and she rejected me so I’d leave!?” I yelled. “If that’s all she wanted she should have just said so!”

“If that’s all she wanted she should have just said so!”

I buried my face in her pillow, my eyes felt a lot of pressure.

“Why…”

“…I… I loved her…”

“…And she betrayed me…”

My body was aching all over, finding the reason why my mother has pushed me away for all these years, it was simply too much for me to handle. I lied on her bed for a few minutes, contemplating my memories and how everything added up. Thoughts were overbearing my mind.

"How could I have been so naive..?" I started quietly, mumbling under my breath. “And yet, I am still forgiving her…”

“And yet, I forgive her…”

I stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes straight, trying to collect my thoughts.

“I need to find Zo.”

I quickly got up and started moving towards the door, stopping just before crossing through it as a thought ran through my mind.

“…”

I looked back at the desk.

I began walking to it, looking at the note and hairpin.

Taking the hairpin, I fastened it into my hair. It was the shape of a sapphire ring, with a silver twinkling star in the center. It looked beautiful; I remembered seeing my mother wearing it a long time ago.

I picked up the quill, dabbing ink onto it. When I turned ten, my mother taught me how to write, it took me a while to ever get any good at it though. My hoofwriting was not nearly as good as my mother’s—but definitely not horrible or unreadable. Very distinct if you asked me.

I flipped over the paper and began writing:

______________

Mother,

I forgive you for everything you’ve done, I know it was for the best. Just know, I loved you, and I still do, I always will. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shaken up over what you told me though.

I’m going to be staying with my friend Zo for a few days until things calm down. You can cancel the trip you planned—maybe we can do it later.

I’m so sorry.

• Camilla

Ps. Sorry for going in your room without permission.

______________

“There, that should be good enough.”

I put the quill down and ran out of her room with haste.

Leaving the home I grew up in, I shut the door behind me and ventured off to the training room.

“Maybe he’ll still be there if I hurry.”

......

I approached the doors to the training room in a partial sprint, slowing down as I reached the doors. I peeked inside and saw that there was nobody to be found inside of it.

“They must have already left…”

The feeling of sorrow took over me; I sat down with my back against the door.

I did not know where Zo lived; I never even considered going there, mostly because it was big risk. The odds of being caught were too damn high. But I should have anyway, he is my friend.

I looked down at the floor, my mane obscuring my vision.

“I’d be impossible to find him right now.”

“…”

I stood up, turning around and entering the training room.

I walked through the training room slowly, remembering all the awesome memories I have of this place. All the times I have spent with the lings, I would call friends, or even family for that matter. Good or bad.

“I should probably thank mom next time I see her for helping me meet them...”

“…”

“If she even wants to see me ever again… I wouldn’t blame her...”

Sigh

The life of a changeling is awful, too many secrets, too many rules, too much war. When I was younger, I started wondering of other lives. At the time, I thought even being a fish would be nicer than this. I use to read books all the time; it gave me a sense of fantasy. It allowed me to imagine entire worlds all revolved around the laws and physics that I placed around them. Reading was much of a delight to me when I was younger and mother would bring home books almost every day for me to read. I am actually very grateful she had; I learned a lot from those books.

One day, I found a book stating that outside of the changeling hive there are towns and cities inhabited by “ponies”. Apparently, they are a species similar to us, except did not live in dark caves, and they were all equal in each other’s eyes, working together to achieve things. I have always fantasized about being a pony, being free and not being hated by everyone. It was that of a pipedream for me as the life of a changeling is definitely a heart-felt one.

I have always enjoyed the feeling of sharing love with my mother; it was a warming feeling that gave me energy. However—I read somewhere changelings feed off the love of others to survive. I have never felt of having those intentions, just the sheer joy of enjoying another’s presence was a very exciting thing to me, I would never want to use someling like that; it hurt me inside to even consider tampering with the love of others. Love that is not genuine is cold, it is dull, and it is unimaginable.

I reached the end of the training hall, and glanced over at the supply closet doors.

The moment I shared with Zo, that was the kind of love I had always enjoyed sharing. It was genuine and pure. Sometimes—I found I wished it had last forever—but could something like that even last that long. How could anyone love a changeling? I have read that they attack the cities of ponies I read about and steal the love shared between two people. Even if these stories of ponies were true, they would never just let me be one of them. They would probably reject me and chase me out of their town.

“Being a changeling is awful.”

I walked over to the supply closet, looking around. I saw the spot where I and Zo were sitting at.

“Oh Zo…” I mumbled under my breath.

I cannot believe that just a while ago, I was in here, with Zo. The feelings we shared was unimaginable, I never could have thought that I could share that kind of feeling with anyling other than my mother. Zo was such a kind person to me, he's listened to me, kept me safe, and he’s given me the benefit of the doubt that he was without question, a ling I could trust with all my heart.

“I’m sorry for pushing you away, Zo. I should have said yes to you, but instead I said no like a coward.”

“…”

No, I was not a coward. My friend has always helped me when I needed help and I have always helped them when they needed help. That was the exchange we would have, laughs and good memories ensued. They have helped me grow and become the ling I am today; I cannot just let them down now.

I had to find Zo, even if it meant risking my life. This was my mission, my retribution.

I ran out of the storage closet, rushing towards the doors leading out of the training room.

“STOP!”

My heart skipped a beat—I started to turn my head to the sounds location.

I felt a sudden heavy weight quickly force me to the ground. My entire body was being forced into the ground; I could hear my outer-shell cracking and shattering from the collision and consistent weight suppressing me into place.

I could feel shattered pieces of my shell stabbing my body; it hurt more than anything I have ever felt in my entire life. The most pain I have ever experienced was when I would mess up in training and fall a small distance—but I have never experienced pain of this magnitude.

I wanted to scream badly, it undoubtedly would be blood curdling. I could tell the shell for my thigh had shattered, the sharp shell pieces were penetrating my skin, it felt like I was being lit on fire. The amount of pain made it impossible to yell or make any kind of noise.

I started to be overcome with drowsiness.

“Don’t you fucking move!” A deep voice yelled into my ear. It felt like it shattered my eardrum.

I got a single glance at what, or who had tackled me, it was an adult changeling with a guard’s helmet.

I was filled with sheer terror and horror as I came to the realization that I was being captured.

The guard had my arms pinned down, I felt like he was squeezing my arms so hard they would explode.

I slowly began to lose consciousness as the amount of pain and terror was overbearing.

The last thing I thought about was my mother.

“I’m sorry, mother... I was being careless…”

“I’ve captured the target, Requesting picku-”

        …And then I fell unconscious…

......

“MOM!” A young voice screamed.

The young-one struggled to stay above the rushing current.

“MOM! HELP!” The young voice screamed repeatedly.

There was not a single being in sight.

“SOMEONE, ANYONE, PLEASE!” The young voice cried at the top of its lungs, struggling to take in air.

The young-one slammed against a rock along the river, losing its ability to fight. It swiftly fell under the current.

The young-one floated freely at the bottom of river, unable to move, quickly losing what little breath it had left…

“...”

“CAMILLA!”

“...”

“LET GO OF HER!”

        …And then I woke up…

…

I started coughing up blood, the corrosive—neon green liquid spewed onto the floor beneath me. I was dizzy.

As I got my bearings, I realized I was being held over the back of a guard.

I heard voices, but they were all muffled as I came to.

“Release her now!”

“All unauthorized personnel must be taken to the hive leader for questioning!” A voice exclaimed angrily.

There were two guards next to me… And… I struggled to see who else was talking, I was still dizzy.

“Let go of my daughter now you damn animals! She’s bleeding profusely and needs medical attention now!”

“M-Mother!? S-she came to rescue me?”

“We have our orders admiral; it’s our duty to follow them!”

I tried to muster up enough energy to call out to her.

“M-Mo….m…..” My voice quietly groaned.

The pain from earlier began seeping back into me, it was extremely overbearing. It was obvious I had a serious injury, the pain was excruciating.

“Camilla! Every thing’s going to be okay sweetheart!” My mother said to me with a distressful undertone—it still calmed my nerves a bit nonetheless.

“As the Admiral of this hive I demand you release her now! My rank allows superseding any order given without direct confrontation of the hive’s leading commander!”

My breathing was unstable and jagged; I could not understand anything that was going on right now. My mind was full of static, I could barely think with the throbs of pain coming from my leg.

I saw the two guards look at each other briefly and nod at my mother with an annoyed look on their faces.

I suddenly felt a bump, and then I was falling, and then hit the ground. I screamed in pain as I hit the floor and the fragments of shell-remains dug deeper into the wound, tearing it open my skin even more. I could feel my warm, acidic blood pooling onto the floor.

“CAMILLA!” My mother yelled in a terrified shriek.

        …And then I fainted…

…

I woke up again, my eyes felt heavy and unresponsive—but I managed to open them enough to see a few things.

The first thing I noticed was that I was moving; my body was shaking up and down.

The second thing I noticed was that my mother’s mane was hanging by my face. She was carrying me.

“M-mo…” I tried vocalizing, but I felt utterly exhausted and unable to move a single muscle.

“Thank Celestia, Camilla darling you’re alright.” My mother said with a lot of worry in her voice.

I made some kind of moaning noise with my mouth closed to try to agree with what she said.

“Don’t talk sweetie, every thing’s going to be okay, just try to save your energy.” She said.

I could tell she was emotionally distraught, but there was no way for me to comfort her—I felt awful about it.

As we traveled, the pain caught up to me once again and I started squealing and wheezing, trying to resist the urge to make noise. The pain was agonizing, with every step my mother took it was like a hot knife piercing my skin repeatedly.

There were many things happening right now completely unknown to me and I found it hard to make sense of it all, so I did not, I just tried my best to stay alive, for my mother’s sake at the least.

I closed my eyes from to the intensity of the nausea that overtook me. I heard a door open and people talking…

“Help her!” My mother screamed.

I heard the cluttering of footsteps around me as I was picked up and placed gently onto some kind of soft bedding. I felt a jolt of pain as I was put down, but it was near impossible to make a sound.

Multiple changelings started yelling around me, it was hard to keep up with them.

“Analysis?”

“Her shell is completely shattered around the thigh area of her left hind leg! It’s caused multiple cuts and a deep laceration; it’s possible she has a femoral shaft fracture!”

“Sweet Celestia…”

“Get her some narcotics! Fast!”

“We need to operate now!”

“Her blood levels are dropping! She’s bleeding profusely!”

“Elevate the leg!”

“We need to start now, the wound could be infected!”

“We’ll have to amputate the leg at this rate!”

“Stand back; I’m injecting 25 mg of morphine!”

I felt a sharp pain around the area of my leg, however—I tried moving from but it was impossible, something was holding my body in place.

“The injections done!”

I began slowly drawing closer and closer to losing consciousness; all the voices became more and more quiet. That last thing I heard was my mother…

“Will she be alright?!” My mother asked. I could hear the distress in her voice.

“We’re unsure right now. All we know is that we need to begin surg-”

        …And then I fell asleep…

......

“M-Mommy?” The young-one whimpered.

“Yes, Camilla?”

“I-I tripped and s-scraped my leg…”

“Let me see.” The mare said with concern, examining her leg.

“It stings, Mommy!”

Smiling, she replied “Maybe I can help.”

The mare kissed her daughter’s leg.

The little one giggled.

“Does that make it feel any better?” Asked the mare.

“Yes!” The young-one laughed.

“Thanks mommy…” The young-one spoke quietly, hugging the mare.

The mare simply smiled, massaging her daughters back.

“I’ll always be there for you, Camilla, so never frown again. Promise?”

“I promise.”

        …And then I woke up…

…

I felt dizzy. I put my hoof to my head as I slowly came too.

I noticed I was not looking up at a ceiling that was the same as mine; I was not in my room…

I turn my head, seeing two changelings wearing white robes around their necks. They had eye guards, like the kind changelings use when they are outside the hive, except these were red. They must have been medical changelings then. I remember reading about them in a book somewhere. I must have been in a medical facility then.

I looked down and saw that my leg was heavily wrapped with linen cloth. I could feel throbs of pain coming from the area. I wondered what happened, then remembered.

I was captured.

I began shivering as fear crept into my mind.

“The patient is awake! Alert the head doctor immediately!” A male voice said in a raised voice.

“They’re going to dissect me!”

I tried to roll out of the bed—but pain surged through my body as I tried to. Groaning in pain, I lied back down. It was no use, I could not move. It is over for me…

“Ehem” I heard a male’s voice beside me, clearing his throat.

I quickly turned my head to the voice.

“Good day to you, miss.” He said with a bit of an upbeat tone. “You’ve been out for about an hour.”

I recoiled in my bed, sitting upright with my back against the wall, trying to put distance between me and him.

“You are in no danger, we of the medical corps do not believe in the harming others.”

I did not care what he said, all adult changelings wanted me dead, and that has already been proven.

“It seems you had a little accident with your leg—but you have nothing to worry about, we’ve taken care of it.”

I looked down at my leg and remember the guard crushing it just before I blacked-out. I reached down and touched my leg to see. It definitely felt better than it did just a few moments ago.

“You need to, however, stay off it for a while so it can heal. Putting too much pressure on your leg will result in the wound reopening.”

I slowly found trust in his words, slowly lowering my guard and lying back down into the bed. I tried to mustered up the courage to speak to him, it felt rude not to.

“T-Thank you…” I said quietly, I tried to avoid showing fear in my voice.

“It was our pleasure, miss. We’d help any creature in need; here, we do not discriminate between gender, race, or species.” He said, looking at me kindly. I exchanged him a small smile to show my gratitude.

“We’d offer to hold you here till it’s properly healed, but we’re instructed not to.” He said with uncomfort in his voice.

“T-that’s okay, but why?” I spoke up, pushing my boundaries so not to be rude.

“Unfortunately, other changelings are very discriminative and believe in old rules and traditions we originate from.” He said very nervously. “I regret to inform you—but you’ve been scheduled for execution.”

My eyes grew wide in shock.

They were going to kill me, and I could not even run if I had the chance, my injured leg would be too much of a hindrance; I would not get very far…

Thoughts were coursing through my mind.

“It couldn’t be over… Why… I didn’t do anything wrong. Why does it have to be this way? Why do all the changelings here want me dead? Why can I not just live a normal life like everyling else? I’d die for our Queen if I had to, I’d never betray them, why are they doing this to me? Why… Why…?”

“I’m terribly sorry; you can guarantee we of the medical corps will wish for you to not suffer.”

I stared blankly at my legs, the sadness of everything ending could have easily have been read on my face. But in the back of my head, I felt like he was not to blame. No, he was not to blame. And yet, he is blaming himself. I could not live with having him feel that way.

“...It’s not your fault… Don’t worry about me; I’ll be fine, really.” I said, masking the sadness in my words.

He did not give me any kind of response, so I looked up at him. He had a smile on his face. I returned his smile, glad to have ceased his unease.

“One moment, miss.” He said to me in a hushed-mellow voice, walking away from my bedside, turning into a hallway.

I sat there for at least three minutes before he came walking back, with a close-eyed smile on his face.

“I believe this belongs to you.”

He pulled out my family’s heirloom, the hairpin I put in my hair just before I left the house to look for Zo. It was undamaged and in the same pristine edition, it was when I found it.

“We had to remove it from you during the operation; I made sure it didn’t get lost.”

I looked at him happily, joy was in my eyes.

He gave a small chuckle, fastening the hairpin into my hair.

“It goes on like this, right?”

I just kept eye contact, the amount of happiness it brought me to see the only piece of home I had put me at ease, I was speechless. I never knew something like this could make me happy. I felt happy and warm, even if just for a brief moment, I cherished every second of it.

“...Are you okay?” He asked slowly.

“Thank you…”  I said to him, my eyes starting to feel pressure again, but this time—it felt more easing than sadning.

He smiled. “It was no trouble at all.”

We shared a lighthearted gaze with each other.

“I’ll let you rest; I need to get back to work.” He said softly, slowly turning around and walking out of the room.

“...”

“Maybe not all changelings are bad after all…”

...

For at last two hours, I have been resting in the bed provided for me. I was deep in thought, trying to comprehend everything that happened.

“What my mom said back there… Is she really apart of those monsters?”

No, that cannot be right; my mother was too kind-hearted to act like they do. They were brutes, my mother was gentle. She cannot possibly be. She would never side with them.

“...”

And my leg… I can feel throbs of pain coming from my leg, but it was not unbearable, I actual found that it is ignorable at least. It seems the shell on my leg is severely damaged; it will probably never grow back with how it seems right now… I wonder if I will ever be able to even walk on it again, he did say it was fine, it just needed to heal.

“...”

Did it even matter? I was going to be killed anyway. What was the point in even helping me if I was going to be sent to my death soon after? They should have just done it while I was out, at least then I would not have to feel so anxious of it happening…

Sigh

At least he was nice… That was the first adult changeling that did not want to kill me in the years of me living here. He was gentle and kind, he did not try to hurt me. I guess not all adult changelings are bad. When I was younger, my mother taught me that they were all evil—but this changeling spoke with courtesy and made me feel ease amongst the pain I was suffering.

“Maybe there is hope for changelings after all.”

I looked up.

But that does not excuse the way they are now. It is like the medical ling said; they follow outdated rules and traditions. I have read a book on the older traditions, some were outlawed for being too extreme, but others seem to make it past no problem despite how morally wrong they were.

What even was the point in killing females? I could not find an explanation in the books regarding it... Did they think we were traitorous? No, if they did, they would not let a female become their ruler. My best guess was that there was some weird tradition saying a female rules everything and that she’s the only female allowed to exist.

Maybe what Ed said was true—that females were useless to the survival of the lings, that we would just burden them with being weak.

“...”

“...Why am I siding with Ed?”

I rolled my eyes.

“I really need to rest—everything happening is making me go crazy…”

        …And then I drifted off to sleep…

...

I walked through dark caverns, searching for a way out. I’ve been stuck here for weeks, months, possibly even years.

I heard a noise from around a corner up ahead.

Running, I quickly turned the corner and saw nothing, it was a room full of darkness.

I slowly walked into the room, I looked for a lantern I could light.

Suddenly, I took a step forward and soon found there was no floor, I starting sliding into a hole, I quickly turned and grabbed the edge with my hooves.

I held on for dear life. I didn’t want to descend deeper into the abyss then I already have.

I struggled, trying to pull myself up—but the edge started cracking, forcing me to stop. It was no use, if I put too much pressure on it, I would fall and be gone forever—all of my efforts I put into getting here would be in vain.

I was alone in this world, I had no one to turn to, I was running out of choices.

No, I had run out of choices.

I could feel the tension in my muscles as my grip began to loosen and my muscle wearing out.

There was nothing I could do, I was out of options, my only choice was to descend into the darkness and let it overcome me.

The edge started cracking more.

I closed my eyes and thought of all the memories I had.

The edge cracked and crumbled, forcing me to lose my grip.

It was over…

*)Clap(*

I felt the hoof of another being clutching mine.

It felt strong and reliable.

“I got you, don’t worry!” The voice said.

They started pulling me up.

And then I realized: I wasn’t alone.

The light of their torch blinded me with white intensity while pulling me up...

“Thanks.”

        …And then I woke up…

......

My head was spinning, I had a headache.

As I slowly came too, I noticed I was on someling’s back.

I couldn’t tell who it was.

I tried to shift around and look up, but my body was unresponsive, I was too exhausted to move.

“...Mom..?” I groaned quietly.

I heard a sinister laugh.

“You’re gonna die, weasel” A raspy voice said in excitement.

My eyes shot open, I began peering around, I was surrounded by two other guards, one ahead of us and one behind.

I tried to move, but my body was limp and my muscles were aching. My energy was exhausted, I haven’t had proper sleep in a long time. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I just went through surgery.

I tried my best to struggle—but my body felt lifeless.

The ling carrying me over his back kneed me my stomach when I managed to move a little. I squealed in pain, my stomach was very sensitive to pain.

“Easy, Kon, save the entertainment for when we get there.” The guard behind us said with a laugh in his voice.

I could feel throbs of pain coming from the wound in my leg, I tried my best to ignore it.

Even if I wanted to run, it was too late now.

A sudden thought ran through my mind, it was of my mother. I remembered something she said to me just earlier. I decided it would better to save my energy, so I let myself hang limply on the guards back instead of struggling.

“I guess you really can’t change your fate…”

I closed my eyes, trying to zone out until fate comes knocking. I’d be impossible to sleep on a back, anyway.

...

“You guys hear about how our Queen attacked Canterlot?”

“Hah, yeah, that was wicked awesome.”

“Damn, I bet she’s a dominatrix, seizing control like that. Gotta fuckin’ love it.”

“...”

“You really have some problems, you know that Hen?”

“...”

“...Idiots...”

…

“Finally, we’re here.” The one ahead of us said tiredly.

“What took you guys so long?” Asked a ling up ahead.

“She’s heavier than she looks.” The ling I’m being carried by said.

I groaned at his crude insult.

“Well let’s hurry up and get this shit show on the road.”

“Yeah yeah.”

The one carrying me started to walk forward.

“It’s not our job to kill fuckin’ kill our own kind. That’s what the hatchery control lings are for…”

“Gotta expect weird things like this to pop up every now and then...”

“Whatever.”

The ling carrying me stopped.

I opened my eyes to try and find out where I was.

He proceeded to knock me off his back and I tumbled onto the floor. I groaned in pain, my bad leg hit hard off the ground.

I lied there in pain, I didn’t want to move, I never wanted to move.

I took a peek around, there were at least twenty changelings surrounding me from a distance.

A few of them were snickering.

I put my hoof to my head. I had a headache, it was a pretty bad one.

I was too dizzy to feel scared. I had a lot of nausea too; I felt like throwing up, but I couldn’t.

So many eyes were looking at me… Judging me… I just wanted it to end.

“How could she have made it this far?” I heard one of them questioned quietly in the background.

“I heard she’s the daughter of the admiral.”

“What?! Admiral Jov? Why would she be harboring a female?”

I have no clue, I heard she’s been taken for questioning.”

“Admiral Jov is our friend, what if she’s executed too?!”

“I don’t know, we can only hope she’s not.”

“No… Mom… Please be okay… Please...”

I roughly scraped my hoof on the ground.

“Please…”

“Time to get this show on the road.”

Ponies around me went silent.

“You, scoundrel.” The speaker said, pointing at me.

“You have been ordered to be executed.”

I closed my eyes.

“You did not commit any crimes...”

I opened my eyes, looking up at him.

“Your mother, Admiral Jov, has.”

The crowed of lings gasps in shocked.

I heard the crowd whispering.

“He can’t serious, right?”

“Admiral Jov is betraying us?”

“I knew she was hiding something!”

“Quiet, please.”

All the lings went quiet immediately.

“As much of a shock this is to all of you, it’s the truth.”

“What lies before you is the female offspring from Admiral Jov herself.”

The crowd started whispering again.

“She does look like her.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“And now, it is our duty to execute her.” He said in a serious tone. “Any ideas how we can do so?”

The crowd erupted into loud whispering I couldn’t understand.

“LET’S CUT OFF HER HEAD!” A familiar voice said.

I let out a gasp, I put my hoof to my mouth to silence myself.

“We’re not gonna listen to Hen are we? He’s insane!”

“What did you say?!” Hen replied in an annoyed tone.

“Quiet down, both of you. We’re not doing anything that brutal.” The speaker announced.

My nerves calmed, even if just a little.

“How about quick and painless.” One suggested.

The crowd began to make noises of agreement.

“Hack her head off, guillotine style.”

The crowd began to make even louder noises of agreement.

My breathing became jagged with fear, I could hear my breath.

“Alright then, let’s get this over with quickly.”

I heard the loud steps of the speaker as he slowly made his way towards me.

I stared at him intensely.

“Give me a hoof over here!” He said.

Two over changelings came over.

One put his hoof on my head, forcing my head onto the ground, it hurt along with the headache.

The other held my back down, I felt like my wound was lit on fire at this point.

I heard the noise of a sharp blade being unsheathed.

I squeezed my eyes shut as he raised it over my neck.

“3…” He began counting.

I held my breath, trying to not think about dying.

“2…”

I thought of all my memories, how my mother’s taken care of me and shown me love, how my friends have accepted me and made me feel wanted in this cruel world.

“Mom… I’m sorry…”

“1…”

“STOP!”

“Huh?”

“Who is that?””

“Is that…””

“Admiral Jov.” The speaker stopped the slice and said formally.

“What do you think you’re all doing?!”

“...Mom…”

“We have orders to execute the girl.” The speaker replied.

“How is she here?””

“I thought they were gonna kill Jov...””

“She’s my daughter!” Mother yelled.

“We have to do this!” He yelled back

“I just got back from speaking with the hive leader, he’s cancel the execution.” She said with slight worry in her voice. “Where’s my daughter? Where is she?!”

The two lings holding me to the ground let go and backed away slowly.

I looked up and saw the speaker step out of the way.

“Camilla!”

“Mom…” I said, groaning in pain.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner…” She said in a quiet voice.

“It’s okay… I forgive you.” I said quietly.

“You’re going to be fine now, okay?” She said comforting tone.

“What? She gets to live?!” Hen cried from the crowd.

“Fuck off, Hen.” another replied.

“Our apologies admiral, we didn’t want to, we were just following orders.” The speaker said.

“Whatever...” Mother replied slyly.

“We mean it, you have our utmost respect.”

“It’s the past now.” She said in a deathly serious tone.

“Okay okay.” He replied quickly. “What do we do with the gir- I mean, your daughter? Surely she can’t be allowed here.”

My mother looked down at the ground in sadness for a few seconds.

“She has been banished out of the hive in return for sparing her life. That was the agreement.” She said dully.

The room went silent for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry, admiral.”

“Whatever...”

“...”

“Let’s get it over with...” The speaker said slowly and carefully.

My mother exhaled, looking at me.

She initially had a smile but it quickly turned into a frown.

I wore the saddest face I’ve made in my entire life.

“You’re making me leave..?” I asked slowly.

“Sweetheart... I have to, there’s no other way…”

“WHY!?” I screamed at her.

I heard the other lings stop mumbling, they left the room seconds after.

The pressure on my eyes were unbearable, I felt like they were going to explode.

“Camilla… It has noth-”

“Why are you making me leave!?” I questioned angrily. “Why?!”

“It wasn’t my choice, it was their

“Then don’t let them choose!” I yelled.

“It doesn’t work like that!” My mother yelled at me.

“...”

She stared at me with a look of horror on her face.

I started to tremble, my mother just yelled at me, for the first time in years, she’s...angry, at me… Why?

“C-Camilla…” She stuttered in shock.

She pulled me into a hug, holding me tightly.

“Camilla, I didn’t mean to yell at you…”

I put my head against her chest, wheezing in pain, the pressure was overbearing.

“Camilla…” She said quietly, stroking my mane.

“Listen, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…” She started. “I work for the changeling army, that’s my job.”

“W-Wha…”

“It’s not what you think, I’d never hurt or betray you. You know that.”

“Then tell them to let me stay… You can make all of this stop… You could let me live here!”

“Camilla. I can’t. I don’t have that kind of power.”

“Then come with me! Please! Don’t make me be all alone! Anything but that! Please!”

“...”

“I can’t…”

“Why not?!”

“Listen to me, Camilla. There is something out there, something bigger and better than this. There is something great waiting for you, a place you can be truly happy. I know it might look bad, and it probably looks harsh. But just believe me when I say, you will be happy. I promise.”

I stared her in the eyes.

“Mom…”

“It’s time to go, just trust me.”

I wrapped my arms around her.

“I’m sorry, mom…”

She smiled at me.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Camilla. You're the greatest daughter I could ever have asked for, and more. I love you, a lot, sweetheart.”

“I love you too…”

We hugged each other tightly.

…

We arrived at the main gate, which connected the hive to the outside world. It was huge in comparison to me; it had to be at least fifty hooves tall and twenty changelings wide.

I've seen it in the past from a distance—but, to be this close... It's astounding.

It looked to be made of metal and sturdy enough to withstand the bucking of hundreds of changelings.

All the guard changelings sat around, chatting with each other. I didn’t know why, so I asked my mother.

“They’re getting ready to open the gate, it’s extremely heavy and requires a lot of force to open it, but even more to close it.”

I wondered why it’d take more to close it then open it, I couldn’t think of any good reason.

I decided I’d rest, I was very tired after what I’ve been through. I ended up resting my head on my mother’s shoulder as she was sitting next to me. She just rubbed my head and brushed my mane with her hoof.

“…”

“What’s going on in here?!” A booming voice shouted questioningly.

“We’re setting up to open the gate like you ordered, sir.”

“Camilla...” My mom whispered in my ear.

I opened my eyes to see what she wanted.

“That’s the hive leader over there.” She pointed. “Don’t anger him, okay?”

“Y-yes mom.”

“It sure doesn’t look like it! Open gate now!” The hive leader commanded.

“Yes commander Ruk!” They said in unison, all of them getting up and rushing to attach the harnesses and getting lined up.

The harnesses had strong cables attached to the door, it seemed like they’d pull the door open. It must be a lot of work.

Within a productive five minutes all the pullers were hooked up to a harness.

Ruk glared at me, he had the most anger-filled eyes I’ve ever seen. They were bloodshot, with a menacing yellow dye in the middle. I recoiled when I saw them, they were not something you saw every day.

“Admiral Jov, now!” He said with loud anger, glaring at my mother. I felt immediate relief when he stopped looking at me.

“R-Right, sorry sir.” She said carefully.

She looked over at me with worrying eyes; she was in a really depressed mood.

“Time to go, Camilla.”

“...Alright.” I replied.

“Bring the female here, NOW!” He yelled.

She got up in a hurry, grabbing my hoof and pulling me along with her.

“Begin opening the gate!” Ruk commanded.

All the pullers began struggling with all their might to pull the door open, within seconds, the floor began to rumble as the gate slowly opened.

As the it opened, strong gusts of cold wind began filling the room, making it a harder to keep my eyes open. For the first time in my life, I’ve seen what it looks like outside of the wall.

It was dark and cold.

A place uncomfortable.

It certainly didn’t look like a place I’d enjoy.

I felt a strong grip grab at my arm, tugging me along. It was Ruk, he was dragging me towards the gate. I tried resisting, but his grip was strong. It felt like my arm was going to snap if he kept persisting.

My body trembled in fear as he looked me dead in the eyes.

“I hope you’ve enjoyed your stay, traitor.” He said with anger, spitting acid with his words.

He then threw me through the gates into the cold outside world.

I could feel the warmth of the hive leave as I flew through the air, entering the cold wasteland.

I landed in a pile of snow, it was a pretty soft landing, I got up and shook my head.

I turned and saw the doors slowly closing on me.

It was impossible to hear voices over the loud wind currents.

And for some reason, I didn’t feel sad.

I was looking at the place where I grew up, where I learned everything I knew, where I met the lings I proudly called my friends, where I learned many valuable lessons, where I shared happy memories with my mother, the place I use to call home. And yet, I’m not sad that it’s leaving. I’m not sad that I’m leaving.

My mother was standing next to the gates with the saddest look in her eyes. It was the saddest look I’ve ever seen her wear in my life.

She glanced up a little noticing the family heirloom I wore, she stared in awe.

She smiled warmly at me, I could feel her warmth emanating from a distance, it was drawing me in as if it was something sweet. But I resisted the urge to turn around; I had to prove to my mother I was strong.

The wind current started blinding me and I heard a loud lightning strike nearby, causing me to go temporarily deaf.

I ended up locking into a stare with my mother, we shared a mix emotions, from happy to sad to understanding. We didn’t speak as the doors closed, I wouldn’t hear her if she said anything anyway.

The doors grew close to being shut and just before they did, she said something to me—I could hear it clear as day.

“Live on.”

_____________________________