"God, this has got to be the worst day of my life" I say, cigarette wet with rain

Could be worse, I could be a frickin' lorry driver and have the rain follow me... of course I'd be rich then I think to myself, chuckling at my favorite book Why is this day even worse than usual no one asked? Well, I got fired after 5 years at that company with a workload that would kill a lesser man; My girlfriend broke up with me because she's been sleeping with my SISTER and used me to get close to her! How f****** messed up is that?! Oh, and let's not forget that my apartment is quarantined and slated to be torn down because my landlord was making meth and crack in the basement for the past two decades!!! I did laundry down there! So the police raided my apartment and destroyed or confiscated my property because it had 'Trace amounts of exposure to harmful chemicals' and needed to be used as nonreturnable evidence! Now all I have is three towels, my signed copy of the complete works of Douglas Adams, a few pieces of clothing, about $10,000 to my name, most of it from a return deposit on the apartment and my bank account; some trinkets, a gold watch from my granddad, a snow globe, and a small hand gun (Could never afford bullets)

"ARE YOU HAPPY FATE?! DOES MY MISERY MAKE YOU LAUGH?!" I yell at the sky, fists shaking at the pouring sky

"Mommy, what's that man doing?" a girl asks as she walks across the opposite street

"Nothing dear, he's homeless" the girl's mother says, rushing the child

"... Even strangers have it out for me, might as well buy a battery powered kettle and a lot of instant ramen" I mutter, walking to an appliance store

As I'm walking, I see a shiny thing in an alley It might be a trap but it might be something I can pawn off... and shiny! I walk into the dark and narrow alley to pick up the shiny thing

Whatever it was, it shone like gold "Gold! Score!" weighing it in my hand, it feels warm and dry, very different from the cold and wet weather. It's about 6 inches long and looks like a crystal, kinda like a giant topaz or something... and on a chain that looks like it's made of small dragons biting each others' tails... Is it getting brighter in here?

I look around and the alley is glowing gold like the crystal... BY SLARTIBARTIFAST'S BEARD! IT'S ENVELOPING ME! the glow intensifies as a strange warmth spreads over me

"HELLL-" I try to yell as my head is enveloped

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What a strange day, I wake up think that someone is calling for help (Not that I would help), my scales are going dull, and now I can't find a freaking- AHA! I pull from the ground a large pile of crystals, at least enough to fix my scales for a few decades! What luck!

I grab two claw full's of the shiny treasures and fly back to my mountain cave, where, when I got there, there was a huge amount of crystals... strange though, because it overlooks a whole town of ponies. They don't bother me, I don't bother them.

After a dozen trips, the giant trove is larger being female and smaller than males helps spread out consumption and repairs I remind myself, my smaller-than-average-size of 18 feet means that one of the smaller gems is less than a mouthful...Speaking of which...

I grab a very nice looking yellow one and shove it in my mouth, savoring the energy and healing properties, when I feel something squirming in my mouth as the taste fades away

Opening my mouth, a... something rolls out, covered in rags

"What the heck just happ... ened... (sigh)" what ever it was, it spoke and fainted... Should I crush it for ruining my morsel or eat it instead... no, waste of a... whatever it is... and looks kinda...

Cute?

Author's Note

sorry about the wait steelthunder, I had other engagements to take care of, hope you like, and clop is coming, just give me a few chapters