Chapter 20: Where is my cone?

I awoke in my bed lying next to Pinkie, and Fluttershy.  God, one shot of Whiskey and I can’t remember shit.  I do remember Rainbow Dash molesting Twilight.  You don’t just forget that.  Pinkie and Fluttershy where on both sides of me.  Fluttershy on my left, and Pinkie on my right.  But hugging my arms, snuggled close to me.  Well this sure makes if difficult to get up.  I tried moving my arms free but to no use.  They were in a deep sleep, and I was their snuggling choice for now.  I could hear talking.  I think it was Twilight and Rainbow Dash.  Well I wouldn’t doubt they had some topics to discuss.  I bet Twilight liked it, and just doesn’t want to admit it.

        I finally broke free of my sexy prison of breasts and asses.  I got dressed and slowly made my way out to the hall way and then into the living room.  Rainbow Dash and Twilight were both on the couch talking to each other.

        “Can you just drop it.  It’s not a big deal.”  Rainbow said.

        “Not a big deal?  You pretty much RAPED me!  Do you know how that makes me feel?  Even after what I’ve been through when I was being held prisoner by those...monsters, you STILL did this!.”  Twilight replied back.

        “Whatever, you liked it.”  Rainbow said back, causing Twilight to blush.

        “That isn’t the point.  And you don’t KNOW if I liked it or not.”  Twilight said back with a blush.

        “Your face can’t hide a thing.  I can see that you love it just by looking into your eyes.  I have caught you sneaking peeks at me, even before we arrived here.”  Rainbow Dash said, moving closer to Twilight.  Rainbow Dash then started to kiss Twilight on the lips, using her hands to rub Twilight’s back.  Twilight was surprised but didn’t try to break from the kiss.  Goddamn it.  This isn’t helping my mourning wood, well afternoon wood.  Whatever, same thing.

        “Hey, stop right there.  Let me go get my camera.  I’m sure Stewart would want this video taped.”  I said.

        “This isn’t what it looks like!  I swear!”  Twilight said.  Yeah, that made her break the kiss.

        “Wow Matt.  Nice pants, did you buy them with that bulge.”  Rainbow said.

        “You sound jealous.  We all know you want a dick.  And yeah whatever.  I don’t care about your sick love triangle.  I hope Stewart approves.”  I said walking into the kitchen, trying to find something to eat.

        “Wait, you aren’t going to tell Stewart are you?”  Rainbow asked.  Sounding a bit worried worried.

        “Why wouldn’t I?  He is my friend isn’t he?”  I asked getting a coke out of the fridge.

        “You can’t tell him.  I don’t know how he would react.  I wouldn’t want this to ruin my friendship with him.”  Twilight said.

        “Sorry, but it’s the moral thing to do.”  I said.

        “White knight.”  Rainbow Dash said.

        “What did I tell you about getting on 4chan?”  I asked.

        “Fuck off, newfag.”  Rainbow Dash said back.

        “This still doesn’t change the fact that I’m telling Stewart.  So bitch about it all you want.”  I said.

        “Tell me what?”  Stewart asked.  Sounding very sick.  I figure he must be having one Hell of a hangover.

        “Nothing!  Nothing what so ever!”  Rainbow Dash said, pretending to lean on me to keep me pinned against the counter.

        “Yeah, we were just um.  You know, discussing how sarcastic Matt is!”  Twilight said as she put her hands over my mouth.

        “Yeah he is oh so sarcastic!  You just can’t tell when he is being serious you know?”  Rainbow Dash said.

        “Yeah.  I really don’t know what the hell happened last night, nor what the fuck this is all about.  But I’ll deal with it when my head doesn’t feel like it’s being crushed by a thousand boulders.”  Stewart said, walking to my medicine cabinet to get some pain pills.

        Stewart then got some water from the refrigerator and went back into my guest room.  I heard the door close.

        “Listen Matt.  You aren’t going to tell him shit you hear me?  YOU AREN’T GOING TO SAY SHIT UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR FUCKIN’ KNEE CAPS BROKEN!”  Rainbow Dash said, with her face close to mine.

        “Your breath still smells like vagina.”  I said back.

        “What she is trying to say is please keep this a secret, we won’t do anything else that you could consider.. lesbian.”  Twilight said.

        “Listen, I might trust you with that.  But fuckin’ Tony Soprano over there, I don’t.”  I said.

        “If you just keep ya fuckin’ mouth shut, we won’t have a problem.  You got it?”  Rainbow said with a mobster voice.

        “Am I going to have to take away your TV privileges?”  I asked.

        “Okay.  Rainbow Dash.  Do you promise not to do anything that one could consider... homosexual?”  Twilight asked.

        “I don’t know.  Do you consider this homosexual?”  Rainbow Dash asked, then pulled Twilight in for a kiss.

        “Yeah, good job there priest.  But I don’t think Rainbow will be praying the gay away anytime soon.  I’m telling Stewart as soon as he gets up.”  I said, taking my coke into the basement.  I’m going to go downstairs, get a little drunk, and just hope today goes by smoothly.  No gang members invading my house.  No Rainbow Dash attempting to kill me.  And no Twilight trying to take away my sexy time.  If this all works out.  I will still have my nuts by the end of today.

        I mixed a drink of my fancy and decided to sit on the couch.  I think if I should try to turn on some music, or just watch some basic cable.  I settle for TV, and turn it to comedy central.  Thank God we have Cox, and not Direct TV.  Thirty minutes into whatever shit movie they are playing, Rainbow Dash comes down.  Shit, I wish you well nuts.

        “Hey Matt.”  Rainbow Dash says, trying to sound sexy.

        “I don’t see a bat, so I assume that you aren’t here to break my body.  That’s a good sign.”  I said.

        “Listen, I don’t need a weapon to hurt you.”  Rainbow Dash says.

        “Oh yeah, what are you going to do?  Punch me.”  I say back.

        She then fake punches at me.  “Ah!  Not the face!”  I say shielding my face.  Maybe I should be shielding something else.  Damn, I don’t have a cone to protect me.

        “Okay, you being a pussy aside.  I’m here to talk you out of telling Stewart about me and Twilight's little relationship.”  Rainbow Dash said.

        “Relationship?  How can you be in a relationship with her, and Stewart.  That’s called cheating, and cheating is bad.  Besides, aren’t you the fucking element of loyalty for fucks sake?”  I asked.

        “Listen, it’s more than that.  I’ve always had feelings for Twilight.  I’m hoping that maybe, JUST maybe Stewart will be okay with all three of us in a relationship.  I mean you, Pinkie, and Fluttershy seem to happy together.  Why can’t I have that?”  Rainbow Dash asked sadly.

        “I think you might have to worry more about Twilight have problems with it, rather than Stewart.  I think Stewart would be happy at the prospect of a threesome, but Twilight doesn’t seem like she would be too into it.”  I said.

        “You don’t know the half of it.  I’ll have to tell you some stories of what me and her have done with some stallions in the past.”  Rainbow Dash said.

        “Well that sounds interesting.  But I’m still telling him.”  I said.

        “What if I gave you a blow job?”  Rainbow asked.

        “Yeah, that’s not fucking happening.  I already have Pinkie, and Fluttershy for that.  Besides, when did you turn into such a whore?  Wait, dumb question.”  I said.

        *SMACK*

        “Why do I always get hurt for stating the obvious?”  I asked.

        “Because I’m not a whore.”  Rainbow Dash said.

        “Yeah, you said the same thing about you not being a lesbian either, and look where we are now.”  I said.

        Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but giggle at that one a little.  “I was only joking asshole.  The plan was for you to say yes, and me to hold that against you if you decided to tell Stewart.”  Rainbow Dash said.  “I wasn’t even going to give you one, it was just a guilt trip anyway.  Like I would put my mouth anywhere near your dick.”  She said still giggling.

        “Funny guy.  You wouldn’t be laughing like that if we were actually going out.  But us going out would mean that I find you moderately attractive.”  I said.  “And that is just a fucking joke in itself.”

        “Insults coming from you just bounce right off me.  You aren’t even that funny.  I mean, look at this fan fic.  You can’t write for shit.”  She said with a smile.

        “I thought only Pinkie and I are supposed to break the fourth wall.  Come on, stay in character.”  I said.

        “Again, you wrote it.”  Rainbow Dash said.  “So are you still going to tell him?”  She asked, getting closer to me, wearing a puppy dog frown.  “I don’t want him to be mad at me.”  She said.

        “I’ll think about it.  Bottom line is if you don’t, I will.  Keep that in mind if you plan on taking your sweet time.”  I said.

        “Yeah, yeah, yeah.  You men are so easy.  All I have to do is get close to you, and give you a puppy dog face, and you just melt in my hands.  Such a softy.”  Rainbow Dash said.

        “Whatever.  Just think what you would of got if I actually wanted a blow job.”  I said.

        “A horrible taste in my mouth, and a feeling of intense shame?”  Rainbow Dash asked.

        “I always knew you swallowed.”  I said.

        Rainbow Dash stayed downstairs with me, and poured herself a drink and watched some TV with me.  We didn’t talk much, mostly because I wasn’t feeling too talkative.  Coming up with insults is difficult when drinking.  Twilight appeared in front of the stairs.

        “Stewart is up.  Are you going to go talk to him?”  Twilight asked Rainbow Dash.

        “Yeah.  Besides, Matt isn’t going to say anything.  We came to an agreement.”  Rainbow Dash said.  “So I don’t have a problem with talking to him.”  Rainbow Dash said.

        I decided to tag along with them.  Why not.  After we reached the top of the stairs, and me having to restrain from staring at Rainbow Dash’s ass, we entered the kitchen.  I sat my drink down on the counter top and saw Stewart sitting on the couch in the living room, holding his head.  I guess he still doesn’t feel too good.

        “You should probably eat something.  It will make you feel better.”  I said.

        “Like I fucking feel like eating anything right now.  I will probably just puke it up as soon as I eat it.”  He said.

        “Whatever.  I forgot you are just the master of hangovers.  I guess you just get them all the time.  With you being such a heavy drinker.”  I said

        “Listen, I don’t fucking need your goddamn sarcasm feeling like this.  Someone just tell me what happened last night.”  Stewart said.

        “Well first I took you down to the basement to get you drunk.”  Rainbow Dash said.  “We made out for awhile while Twilight got extremely horny from watching.”

        “I did not.  I was just embarrassed.”  Twilight said.

        “Whatever you say.  You were wearing some pretty tight pants, I could see the-” Rainbow said.

        “Yeah.  We get it.  I swear, Matt is starting to rub off on you.”  Twilight said.

        “So then we decided to do some other things that I won’t name because I would hate for Matt to picture it in his head.  I like to keep thoughts of me being naked away from his mental images.”  Rainbow said.

        “Don’t flatter yourself gay pride.”  I said.

        “So that’s it?  What happened after Matt took me to his guest room?”  Stewart asked.

        “Well you see.  After I took you down I decided to go back to sleep.  But I realized that I couldn’t leave the drinks down with the ponies.  I would hate for them to drink themselves into a coma.”  Twilight and Rainbow Dash were staring at me intently.  Hoping I wouldn’t give away their little secret.  “So when I came back downstairs I took away the drinks, and Pinkie, and Fluttershy came back upstairs with me.  I think you can figure out the rest.”  I said.  I saw all the stress fade from Rainbow’s, and Twilight’s face.

        “Also, somewhere in that story Rainbow Dash ate out Twilight.  I hope you are proud.  Also, this time I really want my fifty bucks.”  I said.

        “YOU FUCKING LIAR!”  Rainbow Dash screamed.  Twilight just hide her face from the shame.

        “Wait, hold the fuck up!  Before you beat the shit out of Matt.  Did you seriously do that?”  Stewart asked.

        “Well you see I... I.. Um...  Yeah... I kinda did.”  She said, looking at the floor.

        “And you did all of this without me.  I feel left out.”  Stewart said sadly.

        “Hey man, threesomes aren’t that great.”  I said.

        “Really?”  Stewart asked.

        “Not, they are fucking awesome.  Sucks to be you.”  I said.

        “I think you have helped enough Matt.”  Twilight said.  “Listen Stewart, I want you to know how sorry I am.  I know I shouldn’t have let Rainbow Dash do that to me.  I should have respected your relationship, and not allowed Rainbow Dash to do all the things she did.  I hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship.  Don’t you have something to say Rainbow?”  Twilight asked.

        “Matt is fucking dead after this is all over.”  Rainbow said.

        “Suck my dick.  Not my fault you are a whore.”  I replied.

        “I meant, don’t you have something to say to Stewart.”  Twilight said angrily.

        “Yes...   I’m... I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have done what I did to Twilight.  It’s just that I hope that we could have a relationship like Pinkie and Fluttershy do with Matt.  It looks like so much fun.  I really love Twilight too.”  Rainbow Dash said.

        “Sounds like fun to me.”  Stewart said.

        “Wait!  I never agreed to this!”  Twilight shouted.

        “Sweet!  We should get started soon!”  Rainbow Dash yelled with excitement.

        “Doesn’t look like you have a choice.”  I said to Twilight.

        “Okay, now back to what I was going to do.”  Rainbow Dash said.  She then proceeded to beat the shit out of me.  Fuck, she hits like a man.

        “Not the face!  Not the face!  Why don’t I have a cone?!”  I asked.

        “Hey best friends!  What is happening.”  Pinkie asked.  Suddenly appearing from behind the couch.

        “Rainbow Dash is just fucking up Matt.  You know, the usual.”  Stewart said, still holding his head.

        “I like doing that too!  Maybe I should help!”  Pinkie said.

        “I didn’t mean it like-  Oh what the hell.  Have fun.”  Stewart said.

        “Let’s see you rat me out now!  Wait, Pinkie, why are you naked.  WHAT ARE YOU DOING.?”  Rainbow Dash gasped.  “Oh, I see what you are getting at.”

        “Help!”  I screamed.  “I’m being violated!”

        “Yeah, I’ll leave Pinkie to that.  Hey Stewart.  Your head feeling any better?”  Rainbow Dash asked.

        “That depends on what you have in mind.”  Stewart said.

        “Oh nothing, just a threesome with Twilight.”  She replied.

        “In that case, I’m good as new.”  Stewart said back.

        “I still didn’t agree to this!”  Twilight said.

        Rainbow Dash dragged Twilight down the stairs with Stewart leading the way.  Leaving me and Pinkie to our sex.  I hope my dick still works after what Rainbow did.