Chapter 23: Everybodies going to the party...

After reading the note, I quickly ran into my room.  Pleasantly greeted by Fluttershy asleep in my bed.  At least they didn’t drag her along with them.  I decided it would be best not to wake her up.  She doesn’t need to be dragged along with me to search for them.

        I picked up the phone and called Stewart.  Maybe he could help, no, he WILL help.  I’m not allowing them to get conned into taking cocaine and then fucking all night...  Well at least not without me.  It took him two rings to pick up.

        “Main, you are starting to act like a fucking housewife.  You call me way too goddamn much.”  Stewart said sarcastically.

        “I don’t care about your sick fantasies.  We have bigger problems.”  I said.

        “Call Of Duty got you down again?”  He asked.

        “No you fucktard.  The girls, they went to some fucking club.  They left me a note, something about me being an asshole, nothing new.  But I don’t trust them in a fucking club.  And I sure as Hell don’t trust Pinky around drugs.”  I said in a state of panic.

        “HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU LET THEM GO TO A CLUB?!”  Stewart yelled.

        “Gee, seeing as you had the amazing idea to leave me in charge of women it’s almost like it’s half your fault.  Scratch that, ALL OF YOUR FAULT.  I can’t take care of a raging lesbian, it’s not what I signed up for.”  I said.

        “What the fuck did you sign up for then?”  Stewart asked.

        “Lots of fucking, and maybe a gift card.  I don’t know, Pinky wasn’t really clear on the details.”  I said.

        “Wait, what?”  Stewart asked.

        “It’s all apart of the sex with Pinkie contract, or as she calls it, “Filling her full of icing.”  It comes with a great power card to Gamestop.  Gotta say, it’s a really good deal.  If I rack up more points, might even get the new Assassins Creed for free.”  I said.

        “Your sarcasm just gave me a mental break down, thanks for that.  I’m almost there, I was planning on a surprise visit, but seeing as you fucked this up, this might turn into a search and rescue mission, or a detox and rescue mission.”  Stewart said.

“I call dibs on the left over drugs.”  I said.

“Not a chance in Hell Main.  I don’t need two horny people running around high on cocaine.  Your house is stained enough as it is.  And I know you would make Rainbow Dash OD.  I mean she would probably challenge you to see who could take the most,  Hell she would probably challenge everyone- … Fuck.”  The sudden realisation hit him.

        “You know on second thought, maybe we should let them hang out some more at the club.  It would be a great social experience for Twilight, and Rainbow Dash would OD on whatever drugs she finds and will die, so all in all good times.  Pinky would probably even meet new guys that couldn’t wait to fill her full of- … Fuck.”  Realisation is a bitch.

        Stewart came rushing through the door and quickly got on the computer.  What the fuck was he doing?

        “What the fuck are you doing?”  I asked him.

        “Looking at your search history.”  Stewart said.

        “In the name of all that is holy, why the fuck would you do that?”  I asked.

        “I know they looked up clubs to go to on here.  I saw them doing it... Main?”  Stewart asked.

        “Oh God, what the fuck did you find?”  I asked.

        “You have 300 videos viewed in XNXX.  Care to explain?”  Stewart asked.

        “I haven’t deleted my history in awhile, what do you want?”  I asked.

        “The first video’s date viewed was two days ago.”  Stewart said.

        “I could always pull out your laptop and see the thousands of gay porn sites you have frequented.”  I said.

        “You probably know them by name.”  Stewart said.  “What’s taking you so long to make a comeback?”  Stewart asked.

        “I’m thinking of ways to fuck up your relationship with Rainbow Dash.”  I said.

        “I had that good of a comeback?”  Stewart asked.

        “Go die.  Now hurry up and find the club.”  I said.

        Thankfully there were was only one club they looked up.  If luck was on our side, which it probably wasn’t, they would be at that club.  If luck wasn’t.  I hope they don’t get raped, then killed.

        “Good news:  That is probably the club.”  Stewart said.

        “Bad news?”  I asked.

        “We aren’t 21.”  He said.

        “Fuck, I didn’t think of that.”  I said.  “So what the fuck do we do?”

        “Well clearly we knockout the guards at the back, sneak in through the kitchen, find the girls, and get out without ever being spotted.”  Stewart said.

        “Yeah, just let me get my fucking suit, and red tie.  If we run into any trouble I’ll just fucking shoot them with the dual .45’s the hitman agency gave me.”  I said.

        “Okay, I get it.  It doesn’t sound like a good plan.”  Stewart said.

        “I think I left my fucking wire around here someplace, maybe we can use it to choke out the guards.  Then throw them in the dumpster.”  I said.

        “Okay asshole, you made your point.”  Stewart said.

        “If they aren’t found it will increase our overall score.”  I continued.

        “I fucking hate you Main.”  Stewart said.

        “So you’re suggesting, we sneak in the back.  Actually, that could work.”  I said.

        “How do you figure that?”  Stewart asked.

        “Think about it.  We wait in the back, hide, wait for the doors to open, and sneak in.  MInus the assaulting people.  I’m pretty sure breaking into a club isn’t as high of an offensive as battery.”  I said.

        “Yeah, fucking laws, we should be able to get in at 18.  Thanks alot Mr. President.”  Stewart said.

        “Yeah, goddamn Bush.”  I replied.

        “What?  Bush hasn’t been President for four years.”  Stewart said.

        “Then who is the President?”  I asked.

        “Obama.”  Stewart replied.

        “DIdn’t we kill him for blowing up the twin towers in 9/11?”  I asked.

        “Jesus fucking Christ.  Remind me to not allow you to vote.”  Stewart said.

        “Hey don’t blame me.  I wasn’t the one who voted in a zombie terrorist.”  I said.

        “The liberals are going to fucking hate you.”  Stewart said.

        “I thought they were joking when they said Liberals supported terrorism.”  I said.

        “Just keep talking Main.  I’m sure people won’t get too offended in the comments.”  Stewart said.

        “OH, Obama is the black guy.  Why the fuck did we vote in a black guy?”  I asked.

        “Well there goes the fans.”  Stewart said.

        “What are you guys talking about?”  Fluttershy suddenly chimed in.

        “How Obama is black, and supported by terrorist.”  I said.

        “I think you should apply for a job at Fox.  They would love you there.”  Stewart said.

        “I don’t uh.. understand.”  Fluttershy said.

        “Your friends decided to fuck off to a club without telling us.  Well they told me, just in a nasty note, called me an asshole.  Hope Rainbow gets raped anally.”  I said.

        “You know she is my girlfriend right?”  Stewart asked.

        “Fine, I hope the guy wears a condom.”  I said.

        “This is why people call you an asshole Main.”  Stewart said.

        “They went to a club!?”  Fluttershy asked.  “Was it at least hosted by Pinky?”  Fluttershy asked.

        “Um, no.  More like hosted by mafia drug lords.”  I said.

        “You don’t even know that Main, not all clubs are owned by criminal masterminds.”  Stewart said.

        “Whatever, you just watch.  I bet some dumbass crime lord owns the club, and we will have to fight to get them back.”  I said.

        “Well I’m coming with you.  I mean if you don’t mind...”  Fluttershy said.

        “No, no.  You gotta stay here incase they come back home.”  I said.  “Call us if they come home.  You know how to use the phone right?”  I asked.

        “Yeah.  I saw Rainbow Dash use it to order something called a “Dildo.”  Fluttershy said.

        “HA!”  I said.

        “She said it was for Pinky.”  Fluttershy continued.

        “HA!”  Stewart said.

        “She said Pinky and her were going to help Twilight break out of her comfort zone, or something.”  Fluttershy said.

        “Nice.”  Stewart and I both said.

“Well I guess that settles it.  We will hopefully be back soon.  If not, get a job and shit.  Tell my Mom and Dad that I lived the good life.  I mean I had a threesome, what more could you ask for in life?”  I said.

And with that Stewart and I headed down to the club.  Maybe they will be playing some System of a Down.