Matthews Odd Pony Adventure

“WAKE UP!”  A voice yelled beside me.

        “I think not.”  I muttered as I rolled over on my side.  It’s too early for this shit.

        “COME ON!  GET UP!”  The same voice screamed beside me.

        “Pinkie you can yell all you want, it won’t change the fact that I’m still tired as fuck.”  I said.

        “But Stewart and Twilight are here!  It’s some sort of special day!  At least that’s what he told me.  They also told me to tell you there is food.”  Pinkie replied.

        “Little known fact.  When I’m given the choice between food or sleep, I always choose sleep.”  I said.

        “But Stewart said you are fat as shit, and will never turn down food.”  Pinkie replied.

        “FUNNY GUY!”  I yelled.

        “I THINK I AM TOO, THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT!”  I heard Stewart from yell from the other room.

        “Come on!  Get up!  I’ll make it worth it later.”  Pinkie said with a sly smile.  “I’m sure Fluttershy and I can make it your best day ever.”

        “I really don’t know how much farther you can take your sexual perversion.”  I said.

“That’s a challenge isn’t it!”  Pinkie said.

“Oh fuck me.”  I said.

“Yes I will... but later.  It’s Christmas, or whatever they’re calling it.”  Pinkie said.

“Oh yeah I forgot.  Better get up, God knows Stewart wants his gift.”  I said.

“I WANT MY FUCKING GIFT!”  I heard from the other room.

I wonder what he got Rainbow Dash for Christmas.  Probably a strap on... or maybe she got him a strap on.

“You’re being a dick to me in your thoughts again aren’t you Main?”  I heard Stewart from the other room.

“It’s almost like you know.”  I said as I was getting dressed to go out into the living room.  We have a small little tree on my dining room table since my parents still weren’t back from vacation.  I’m assuming they have left me here to fend for myself in order to teach me some life lesson.  All in all.  Can’t say the lesson is going badly.  Ten out of ten, would learn again.

I noticed it was almost 3 in the afternoon as I walked by my clock.  Like I said, too fucking early for this shit.  Pinkie followed behind me as I walked down the hallway, and entered the living room.  I looked out the window and saw that it was snowing.  Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Stewart were on one couch, as Fluttershy sat on the other one, yawning.  I think we are all tired from last night.  Stewart had a stroke of genius when he spiked all their drinks with vodka.  Drunk ponies are best ponies, especially when they look like humans.  They don't seem to remember a thing.  Also we learned they for whatever reason don't get hang overs.  Can't say the same for me.

“Alright Matty Watty stop having an inner monologue and make a joke or something.”  Pinkie said.

“And here we go again Main.  I blame you for this.  You taught her how to have sex, you taught her how to troll me, and you taught her all the lyrics to every System of a Down song.  Yet, you can’t teach her how to not break the fourth wall.”  Stewart said.

“First of all, the sex thing came natural.  Second of all, it’s not my fault she just so happened to sneak into your house, steal all your swords, and hide them in my crawl space.”  I said.

“YOU GAVE HER THE KEY TO MY HOUSE!”  Stewart said.  “AND YOU TOLD HER WERE THE CRAWL SPACE WAS!”

“Yes I did.  That is not teaching, it’s helping.”  I said.

“I fucking hate you Main.”  Stewart said.

“I’ve read up about Christmas, and the tradition, and the history behind it all.  It’s a time for peace, and love.  Not anger and arguments.”  Twilight said.

“I’m not even mad.”  I said.

“Neither am I.”  Stewart said.

“You guys are hopeless.”  Twilight said, covering her face with her hand.

“Lets open presents!”  Rainbow said.  Clearly ready to get this shit started.

“Okay.  Let me get the presents from our sad excuse of a Christmas tree.”  I said.

I grabbed most of the presents and carried them over to the middle of the living room.  After the second trip, I distributed them according to name to everyone.

“Okay.  Since we aren’t all going to open ours at once, we should try to come up with a order that we should follow-”  Twilight was saying.

*RIP*

Pinkie had already ripped into her first present, it was from me.

“I could have told you that was going to happen.”  Said Rainbow Dash.

“What did you get?”  Fluttershy asked Pinkie.

“It’s... it’s... it’s my own personal Ipod!”  Pinkie said with joy.  “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!”  She said showering me with kisses.

“Seriously Main.  She loves cooking, and you give her an Ipod.”  Stewart said.

“Are you saying that I should have given her cooking supplies?”  I asked.  “You sexist fuck.”  I said.

“Me next!”  Rainbow shouted.  She chose the present Stewart had gotten her, and ripped it open.

“Oh my Celestia!  You got me a hoodie that has holes for my wings!  Best present ever!”  Rainbow said.

“Oh great, now Rainbow can fucking smack me with her wings even more than she already- *SMACK* OW!  MOTHERFUCKER!”  I said.

“I believe it’s Fluttershys turn.”  Twilight said.

Fluttershy nodded her head, and choose the present I had gotten her.  She took apart the wrapping paper with minimal noise.

“Oh my...”  Fluttershy said.  “You got me a laptop.”

“How the fuck do you have enough money to buy Pinkie an Ipod, and Fluttershy a laptop?”  Stewart asked.

“It’s fiction, I don’t gotta explain shit.”  I said.

Stewart sighed heavily and glanced at Pinkie.

“Well he is right, it’s fiction, he doesn’t have to explain shit.”  She said with a smile.

Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie both moved closer to me as Twilight took her present from Stewart out of the pile.  She neatly took the present apart without tearing a single piece of it.  After she had the paper off, she folded it up, and sat it next to her.

“What is it?”  Twilight asked.

“I think it’s a man.  We haven’t actually confirmed Stewart’s sex yet.”  I said.

“Main, don’t you have a heart condition that you need to go check on?”  Stewart asked.

“You can try to get my to a doctor as fast as you want, they still won’t have your gender results back for another week.”  I said.

“I really need to find my swords.”  Stewart said.

“I shall repeat my question.  WHAT IS THIS!”  Twilight asked.

"It’s a kindle.”  Stewart said.  “You can use it to read as many books as you like.”

Twilights had a brain lapse for a moment, then quickly jumped Stewart, showering him with kisses.

“Kissing party!”  Pinkie screamed, then tackled Fluttershy.

I glanced at Rainbow Dash.  “Don’t even think about it gay pride.”  I said.

“Hey Matt, what’s that on the side of your head?”  Rainbow asked.

“You’re going to smack me with your fucking wings again aren’t you?”  I asked.

*SMACK*

“MOTHERFUCKER!”  I said again.  That one actually fucking hurt.

“Okay Matthew.”  Twilight said getting off of Stewart, and straightening out her clothes.  “I believe it’s your turn.”

I decided to open all the presents I got from the girls first.  Pinkie got me free sex for life card.  Fluttershy didn’t have a wrapped gift for me, she whispered in my ear that my gift would come later.  This isn’t like her... I wonder what she is planning.

Rainbow Dash simply got me a card.

“Do I even want to know what’s written inside the card?”  I asked.

“Just open it fat ass.”  She said.

The card contained a note that said, “One free insult.”  Huh, clever.

“This is the greatest gift ever.”  I said.  “I don’t know when to use it!”

“I’m pretty sure you are just going to waste it like a dumbass.”  Stewart said.

“Open my present!”  Twilight said.

“Cutting him off won’t stop the insults.”  Stewart said.

“There isn’t anything from you.”  I said.

“Oh yeah!  I forgot.”  She said, and quickly made her way into the kitchen, and returned with a piece of cake.  “Well since I know you like food.”  She said.

“I feel like this is an elaborate fat joke set up by Stewart.”  I said.

“It’s nothing like that!”  She said and gave me the piece of cake.  I quickly ate it.  Holy shit.

“This is the best fucking cake I’ve ever  had in my entire goddamn life.”  I said.

“I guess that’s one way to put it.”  Twilight said.

Pinky suddenly appeared randomly behind Stewart with a similar piece of cake.  “Fluttershy and I made this for you!”  Pinkie said.

“You know I hate cake.”  Stewart said.

“This isn’t just any cake!”  Pinkie said.  “It’s the best gosh darn cake you’re ever going to have in your entire flipping life!”  She said.

“Hey, look at that, she didn’t say fuck.  I’m proud of you Pinkie.”  I said.

Stewart shrugged and took a bite of it, then quickly ate the rest in the same manner as I did.  “Holy fucking shit, you weren’t joking!”  Stewart said.  “Best present ever.”

“Hey Stewart.”  Rainbow said.  “We know what you were the one who spiked the drinks by the way.”

“I also know that you had a hand in it Matty Watty.”  Pinkie said.

“Main, I think we’re fucked.”  Stewart said.

“So Pinkie Pie baked us both cakes, and Twilight pretended that it was her gift to me.  In before cupcakes.”  I said.

“Oh God we’re so fucked.”  Stewart said.

“The room is getting... dark.”  I said.

“Yeah dumbass, she fucking drugged us.”  Stewart said.

“I was trying to be dramatic, but if you want to go out like a faggot, then be my guest.”  I said.

“You’re the master of going out with faggots Main.”  Stewart said.

“Before I got into a coma, I would like to say one thing.”  I said.  “Rainbow Dash is a cunt.”  I said and blacked out.

“Main... you just wasted... fuck it, I’m going to black out too.”  Stewart said.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************

I woke up strapped down to my bed, naked.  This really doesn’t surprise me.  Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy were both standing behind me, with dominatrix outfits on.  Again, this doesn’t really surprise me.

Fluttershy climbed in top of me, while Pinkie Pie planted her ass on my face.  Huh, I guess they make crotchless dominatrix outfits.

“Are you ready for your real Christmas present?”  Pinkie asked.

She lifted her ass slightly so I could talk.  “I still didn’t get my present from Fluttershy.”  I said.

Fluttershy leaned in close to my face, Pinkie Pie moved over so Fluttershy’s nose touched mine.

“You’re about to get it.”  She said in the most innocent voice I had ever heard.  She then quickly slipped my dick into her dripping wet pussy.  At that same time, Pinkie Pie pressed her ass against my face again.

“Best Christmas EVER!”  They both said.