Chapter 26: Not This Again

“Did you just say our God has nice tits?”  Rainbow asked, anger protruding out of her voice, along with a look that could kill.

        “Yeah Main, what an asshole thing to say.”  Stewart said, chuckling.

        “If it’s the truth, I honestly don’t see how it’s harmful.”  I said.

        “Harmful?  It’s disrespect!”  Twilight shouted, same amount of anger present with her.

        “Eh, it’s not my god.”  I said, shrugging my shoulders.

        “That’s a horrible reason not to show respect.”  Twilight said.  “She isn’t just a God, she is also a princess!”

        “Eh, it’s not my princess.”  I said.

        “Goddamnit.”  Stewart said, face-palming.  “We should have seen that one coming.”

        “You really should have.”  Celestia giggled.

        “Please excuse my...”  Twilight paused, thinking about the next words out of her mouth.  “... friend.  Yeah, I guess I’ll call him that.”

        I made my way over to her, put my arm around her shoulders, gaining an annoyed look from Stewart.

        “Hey, come on, Twilight, babe.  We go way back don’t we?”  I asked.

        “We go back like two weeks.”  Twilight responded.

        “Main, you’ve been playing too much Deadpool.”  Stewart said.

        “Oh I love that game!”  Pinkie shouted.

        “Oh wait, it’s been forever since a new pony like thing has came into the mix hasn’t it?”  I asked to no one in particular.

        “It would appear so.”  Celestia said.  “Where is Applejack and Rarity?”  She asked, concern starting to fill her voice.

        “Um... around?”  I said.

        “Around where?”  Celestia countered back.

        “Honestly, I have no clue.  Normally they just kinda pop up.”  I said.

        “Just pop up?”  Celestia asked, confused, then realization hit her.

        “Wait... are you reading my thoughts?”  I asked.

        “Yes.”  Celestia responded.

        “Heh, I feel bad for you.”  I said back.

        “Yeah, that’s gotta be hell.”  Stewart said.  “I can only imagine the sexually perverse images you’re bombarded with.”

        “They don’t seem to just include Matthew, either.”  Celestia said, glancing at everyone present in the room, even Fluttershy who sat on the couch, near Celestia.

        “So, uh yeah.  How did you get here?”  Rainbow asked, trying her hardest to change the subject.

        “Well naturally, seeing as you have all been gone for far too long.  I, along with Luna, made it a priority to come looking for you.  When we traced your magic to this little planet called Earth, we made our way here.  But for some reason, coming here turns you into the same shape as these creatures, as it did to you.  It also seems to zap any magical powers from us.”  Celestia said.

        “You don’t have wings like Rainbow though.”  I said.  “I figured you would have wings.”  I said.

        “How would you... ah.”  Celestia said, figuring out the reasoning to my statement.

        “You know, that whole mind reading thing is going to get old... very fast.”  I said.

        “Something tells me it’s just really easy to read your mind Main.”  Stewart said.

        “I feel like that was a jab at my intelligence, but coming from someone lacking in that department, I don’t feel as offended as you think.”  I said, laughing.

        “Don’t worry Celestia, this is how they always act with each other... for some reason.”  Twilight said.

        “They have an... interesting relationship.”  Celestia said, a smile coming across her lips.

        “They aren’t so bad.”  Rainbow said.  “Well Stewart isn’t.”

        “You love me, and want my dick.  This is very well known.”  I said.

        *SMACK*

        “I love how I don’t even really need to hit you.”  Stewart said.

        “So what are you planning on doing now Celestia?”  Twilight asked.

        “Well for now, our main priority should be to find Applejack, Rarity, and Luna.  For some reason we didn’t land near each other, even though we left together.”  Celestia said.  “After that... I don’t know Twilight.”

        “Hey, didn’t you say that your magic doesn’t work here?”  I asked.

        “Yes I did.”  Celestia responded.

        “Well that’s weird because-”  I was about to say before Twilight interrupted me.

        “Yes!  Well uh, it seems that I can use magic.”  Twilight said.

        “How so... oh... that’s... interesting.”  Celestia said, reading my thoughts.

        “Why the fuck are you so obsessed with my thoughts?  Seriously.  Is it too much to ask for to be able to state the best thing ever.”  I said.

        “I don’t see how that’s the ‘best thing ever.’”  Celestia said, rolling her eyes.

        “Well all of this aside, I assume you will need some place to stay.  Currently Twilight and Rainbow are staying with me, and Pinkie and Fluttershy are staying with Main.”  Stewart said.

        “Well, it would see we may be here for a while.”  Celestia said.  “Even though Twilight may possess some of her magic, I doubt it will be enough to take us all back to Equestria.”

        “She has enough to make some dudes dick disappear.”  I said.  “That’s kind of a lot in my opinion.”

        “I think Celestia should stay with us!”  Pinkie shouted.

        “Um... yeah, I wouldn’t mind.”  Fluttershy quietly piped in.

        “Well um.”  Twilight started.

        “Spit it out dick killer.”  I said.

        Gaining an annoyed look from both Stewart, and Twilight.  Fuck yeah.  Two for one.

        “Maybe, she should um...”  Twilight continued again

        “On with it dick destroyer

        “She should probably...”  Twilight was about to say

        “Dick slayer.”  I said again.

        “Do you have like an excess of jokes about people who make penises disappear?”  Stewart asked.

        “Does that really surprise you?”  I asked.

        “Not really.”  Stewart said, shaking his head.

        “As I was saying!”  Twilight shouted, reaching her tolerance level for the interruptions.  “I would like to suggest that maybe Celestia stay with... Stewart and I.”

        “I want to have an orgy with a female God from another world too you know.”  I said.

        “WHAT?!”  Twilight shouted.

        “That’s why you want her to stay with you right?  Which is kinda fucked up seeing as she is like a mother figure to you.  I guess Kansas really has rubbed off on you.”  I said.

        “There will be no orgies, or any sexual perversion of that matter.”  Celestia stated.

        “Yeah, that’s what Twilight said, but look how that turned out.”  I said.

        “Yeah, you’re right, it hasn’t seemed to be according to her original plan.”  Celestia said.

        “Oh, yeah, just read my thoughts and shit, cool, not like it’s an invasion of privacy or anything, fucking fourth amendment breaking Princesses of bullshit.”  I said.

        “We’ve had a long day, I’m sure Matthew will become less hostile in the morning.”  Twilight said, trying to excuse my temper.

        “Ha, yeah, morning.  When the fuck have we gotten up in the am?”  I asked.

        “Starting tomorrow.”  Celestia said.  “We need to find the others, and fast, but clearly you are all still tired, and need your rest.”  She finished.

        “Yeah, fine.  We should go to bed.”  I said.  “Come on Pinkie, Fluttershy.”  I said.

        “Oh no, there is to be no more of this.”  Celestia said.

        “First your student pulls a Houdini on a mans dick, and now you’re pulling a Stewart on a mans dick.”  I said.

        “I feel like that was both a gay joke, and a cockblock joke.”  Stewart said, annoyed by both meanings.

        “My Matthew’s a master of two for ones, just ask Fluttershy!”  Pinkie said.

        “Oh my.”  Celestia said, while holding her head in her hands.

        “The girls, and I will bunk in another room, while you two find bedding up here.”  Celestia ordered.

        “The basement would be a good idea!”  Rainbow said.  “That’s where we went last time Twi enforced this rule.”

        “The first and only time.”  I said.  “I would argue that it’s my house, but fuck it.  I don’t even care anymore, I’m too tired to sarcasm my way out of this.”  I said.

        “Very well, we will take to the basement, good night, and sleep well Stewart and Matthew.  We will need our strength for tomorrow.”  Celestia said, and then along with the other girls, went into the basement.

        “You let that go pretty easily you know.”  Stewart said.

        “Dude, you remember last time they went down there right?  They got wasted, and came up, all without morals and shit.”  I said.

        “Yeah, a moraless pony, is the best pony.”  Stewart said.

        I went to my bedroom, and Stewart took to the guest room, and we both retired, semi hoping for drunk ponies to come in, and also semi hoping for just some rest.  Christ, this is getting out of control.  Five humanized hot beings from another dimension.  Still, it’s weird.  I almost imagined Celestia being more... trolly I guess.  Maybe it’s too much fanfic or something.  I guess there has to be at least one sane, none corrupt girl in the group.

        *Clang*

        The sound of glasses, and whiskey bottles echo from the basement.  Well shit, maybe not.  Okay, what the fuck?  Come on, I wanna drink too.  Someones going to have to replace that whiskey too.  Shit doesn’t grow on trees.

        After laying awake, awaiting the coming drunken storm for thirty minutes, nothing happened.  Huh, maybe they just had a casual drink, and then went to sleep.  I finally drifted into the grips of calming sleep.

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        I came to when someone tapped my shoulder.

        “Fuck off, I’m tired.”  I simply said, not ready for bullshit.  “It can’t be morning yet.”

        “Well you’re right, it isn’t.”  A familiar voice said.

        “Then what do you want Celestia.”  I said, turning over.  “I don’t know wh-”  I was saying until the sight of her caught me off-guard.

        “Why are you naked.”  I said.  She had, like the others, a very slim body, and large breasts, with a wide ass, and a shaven pussy.  I still don’t know how that happens, not that I’m complaining.

        “Well, something happened, and I kind of need your help.”  She said, looking to the ground, ashamed.

        “Christ, what did you do?”  I asked.

        Suddenly I heard laughing, and drunk giggling.

        “Celestia!  Where are you!  We aren’t done teaching you the ways of earth.”  I heard Twilight’s voice say.

        I smiled so wide that I think I tore my lips.  “I guess you can’t send all of your problems to the moon, can you?