Chapter 27: Same Old Shit, Different Chapter

“Honestly, you have to help me Matthew!”  Celestia shouted at me.

“I’m not obligated to do shit.  You ruined my fun time.  I like my fun time!”

        “Please, they tricked me into drinking whatever it is you have down there, and now they want to teach me the ways of earth!”  Celestia pleaded to me

        “What?  Earth is fun.  I’m sure they had really fun things planned for you.”  I said.

        “I can see how you would consider that fun, but not with them!”  Celestia shouts.

        “See, this is why I don’t help you.  You read my mind, and then deny fun times.  Besides, how the fuck could you fall for drinking that?”  You say.  Come to think of it, how come she isn’t at least tipsy?  Whatever, I better be able to get back to sleep, or at least get my dick sucked.  Both would be good.  Yes, both is nice.

        “How was I to know what was in the bottle?”  Celestia asked, perplexed.

        “Gee, I don’t know.  Maybe you could have read their fucking minds or some shit.”  I said.

        “I wouldn’t dare read the minds of my subjects.  That’s an invasion of personal privacy.”  She says.

        I stare at her with a less than amused look on my face.

        “I fucking hate you.”  I say, in a monotone voice, turning back over on my side.

        “Please!  If you do this for me, I’ll promise to stop invading your mind.  I’m only doing so to insure my, and their safety!”  Celestia pleaded.  “If you help me with this, I’ll assume you, and your friend mean us no harm.”  Celestia continued.

        I turn back over

        “Choices.  Watching you get molested by your ‘subjects’, or not having my brain read.”  I thought out loud.  “Both are pretty fucking awesome, but one involves tits, and vaginas more than the other.”  I say.

        “I’m pretty sure your brain is the ultimate realm of that sort of thing.”  Celestia says, with a slight smile.

        “I’ll give that joke a 8/10.”  I chuckled.  “Alright, fine, I’ll save you.  Don’t know how, but I’ll save you.”  I said.  “Also your body is pretty nice, so that kinda helps my decision.”  I say

        “That was pretty sexist.”  Celestia says, but with a slight smile.

        “Oh, go blog about it on Tumblr.”  I retort.

        I get up, and put on some pants, and a T-shirt, then make my way to the door with Celestia right behind me.  I’m greeted by the hall way, and Stewart slowly making his way out of the guest room.

        “So I’m assuming what we wanted to happen, has happened.”  He says, yawning.  He then notices a nude Celestia.  “Yep, just what we wanted.”

        “Pretty much, but where the fuck are they?  They don’t go outside.”  I said.

        “I guess you have rubbed off on them.”  Stewart says.

        “Rubbed off in them, not on.  What am I, a pervert?”  I ask.

        “I think most would agree that word suites you best.”  Celestia said.

        “Says the only naked one in the house.”  I retort.

        “This was not my choice!”  Celestia says.

        “Guess no doesn’t really mean no.”  Stewart said.

        “Okay, where the fuck are they?  There is like only five rooms in this fucking house.  How the hell could we have lost them?”  I ask to no one in particular.

Suddenly the door behind us opens.

“Oh, I forgot about that one.”  I said.

“Hey!  Celly!”  Twilight slurs.  “What did ya have to leave so sooooon?”

“Holy shit, she is drunk off her fucking ass.”  I said.

“Hey there Matty Watty!”  Pinkie chimes in.

“You know, she really doesn’t seem all the different.”  Stewart says.

“Let’s have lesbian sex!”  Rainbow Dash boom from behind them, pushing her way up to the front.

“Isn’t that what you guys were doing in there?”  I ask.

“Yes! Buuut!  Not with Celly.  I’ve always wanted to fuck a princess.”  Rainbow says.

“I think we should start hiding the liquor from them.  It kind of turns them into sex crazed maniacs.”  Stewart says.

        “Yeah, this does get tiring after awhile.  It’s like three in the morning, and they, well most of them, are bombed as fuck.  Hey, wait, where is Fluttershy?”  I asked.

        “I’m back here!”  She shouts from behind the group of four ponies.

        “We were playing spin the Fluttershy!”  Pinkie shouts.

        “Guys... I never agreed to be the bottle.”  Fluttershy says quietly.

        “Wow, Fluttershy being forced to do things she doesn’t want to.  What else is fucking new.”  Stewart sighs.

        “How the hell does that game work anyway?”  I asked, curious.

        “Well, pretty much, we all run around Fluttershy, and then she shouts stop!  And so we do, then whoever is in front of her, she has to do sexy things to.”  Pinkie explains.

        “Wouldn’t that be called, ‘Spin Around the Fluttershy?”  I asked.

        “More like, ‘Why wasn’t I invited’.”  Stewart says.

        “HA, it’s like a sex thing.”  We both say.

        “I think it’s time we all calmed down, and went to sleep.”  Celestia says, sighing.

        “They aren’t going anywhere near a bed until they are sober, or at least tired.”  Stewart says.

        “Unless a dick is involved.”  I said.

        “Well a dick is involved Main.  You’re here aren’t you?”  He asks

        “I meant if someone with a dick is involved.”  I say.  “So you aren’t invited.”  I say

        “How would you propose we do that, then?”  Celestia interrupts while Rainbow Dash and Twilight are making out, and Pinkie is taking pictures with a camera she got from... well it’s Pinkie.  I don’t know where she gets half of the shit she has.

        “That’s easy.”  I say, and turn to the drunken girls.

        “Rainbow Dash, you’re a flaming homosexual.”  I said.

        Suddenly Rainbow Dash stops doing her lesbian things and stares directly at me.

        “What the buck did you just say to me!”  She says, sounding extremely sober.

        I turn my attention to Twilight.  “Twilight, you fail at everything, books suck, you’re shit at magic, and your Princess... God... thing is upset with you.”  I said.

        “OH NO!”  She shouts, completely sober.

        “Ohh!  Do me next!”  Pinkie calls out.

        “Pinkie...  you’re vagina is nice.”  I say

        “Nice.”  She repeats.  “Nice.”  We both say at the same time.

        “Are you guys done being... whatever the fuck you call that.”  Stewart says.

        “Yeah, and we have to work out your little comment there.”  Rainbow Dash says.

        “You mean the truthful comment that was made while you were in the middle of making out with another women.”  I say.

        “And books don’t suck!”  Twilight says, now thinking about my book comment.

        “Unless it’s from R.L Stine, get that shit out of my face.”  I say.

        “He has a point.”  Stewart says.  “Most other books do suck pretty hard.”

        “Clearly you’ve never read, ‘The History Of Equestria’.”  Twilight says.

        “Unless it’s about monsters, and the creepy, and wacky adventures that the gang has with them, then I don’t really give a fuck.”  I say.

        “I don’t think that’s Goosebumps.”  Stewart says.

        “Yeah it is.  It’s the one with the talking dog.”  I said.

        “Nope, not even close.”  Stewart continues.

        “And the stoner dude.”  I say.

        “Fuck off, I’m tired.”  Stewart sighs.

        “Yeah, I guess I am kinda tired.”  Rainbow Dash says, yawning.

        “We should really be getting to bed.  We have a long day ahead of us.”  Twilight says.

        “Implying I’m going on a search and rescue mission without a gun, and a cool uniform.”  I say

        “Why the fuck would you need a gun?”  Stewart asks.

        “Because terrorist.  You never know when they will strike, and what if they are holding the other girls hostage?  Wouldn’t you like a gun to shoot the bad guys with?”  I ask Stewart.

        “It must be fun living in your head.”  Stewart says laughing.

        “It’s pretty fucking rad, I’ve got to be honest.”  I say

        “I kinda want a gun now.”  PInkie Pie says, tapping her chin.

        “No!”  The entire group shouts.

        “So are we going to bed yet, or are we just going to talk about it?”  Stewart asks.

        “Yeah, we should probably go to sleep.  It’s been a long day.”  I say.

        “Yeah, it feels like it’s been three months or something.”  Stewart says yawning.

        Suddenly a light comes shooting down from the ceiling, not breaking anyway, but directly striking Celestia.  She glows a bright pink, and then just as sudden as the light appears, it disappears.

        “Jesus fucking Christ, now what?”  I ask.

        “Um... Dude.”  Stewart says.

        “Oh god, what plot moving device has been used now.”  I say, and then stare at Celestia.  “Oh, that one.”

        Celestia now has wings, and a small horn coming from her head.

        “Huh.”  Stewart says.  “This is interesting, she is... different.”

        “Still has nice tits though.”  I say