Twilight's Conundrum (and other tales)

The pink pony hovered in mid-air, cursing angrily at the sheets of paper in front of her.

"MAN FUCK YOU CALCULUS MAN, YOU DON'T MAKE NO SENSE OR NONE OF THAT SHIT!" Pinkie Pie wisely stated, while the Notorious B.I.G. nodded in sympathy, crocheting a colourful yarn holster for his PIECE.

"I MEAN LIKE SRSLY, Y'ALL, THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? WHAT'S A PONY GOTTA DO UP IN HEAH TO CATCH SOME MUH-FUCKIN' SLACK?!"

Rarity appeared in front of her, strapped to a cart-full of pies.

"EY YO PINKS, CHECK OUT DIS SHIT I GOT FROM FUCKIN' MRS. CAKE OR SOME SHIT!" The elegant white unicorn sang out in a shockingly precise vibrato.

"YO, EYY, RARES'! THE FUCK IS YOU DOIN' WIT' ALL DEM PIES, YO?!" Pinkie Pie politely asked, her eyes large enough to legally declare independence from their sockets.

"HAH I DUNNO, PROB'LY GOT DRUNK AGAIN OR SOME SHIT AND ORDERED A MOTHAFUCKIN' SHITLOAD OF PIES, YO. YOU WANT SOME FUCKIN' PIES, DUDE?"

"HELLS YEAH DIS PONY WANTS PIE, YO!" Pinkie Pie willed the papers of complex mathematical equations into nothingness for NO CLEARLY GIVEN REASON, and she leaped upon the cart-full of pies with much vigor.

Yea, with a grandiose bravado did the young pink pony set upon the serendipitously-procured lot of confectionery, her mandibles bobbing to and fro with each chew. Bibbly bobbly, wot wot.

"I do declare!" Pinkie exclaimed in a surprisingly succinct deep southern accent. "Why, these here cherry pies are simply divine!"

"EY YO, I COULD TEACH YOU MUH-FUCKAS A THING OR TWO 'BOUT EATIN' MUH-FUCKIN' CHERRY PIES, YO," Rainbow Dash declared, while Cheerilee blushed bashfully at her side.

LESBIAN JOKE DONE, NO NEED FOR ANOTHER FOR THE REST OF THE STORY