Lyra & Sasquatch

Wynonna’s nose followed the scent of Sasquatch, which led her to the shopping center. “Where did he go, girl?” Lyra asked. Wynonna pointed to the direction where all the chaos began. There was a record store with a huge hole in front. “That looks like him.” Lyra and Wynonna walked inside the destroyed shop, where a police officer was speaking to the cashier.

“You should’ve seen it, bro! It was big and hairy, and he screamed at me! I guess he didn’t like the taste of progressive rock,” he said.

“Excuse, did you say you saw a monster?” Lyra asked. “Where did it go?”

“He went that way! But I warn you, he’s has no taste in good music,” said the cashier. Lyra motioned for Wynonna to continue the hunt, until a hoof touched her shoulder.

“Excuse me, young lady,” the police officer said, “Do you have affiliation with the creature that destroyed this stallion’s music store?”

“Well… sort of,” she lied, “He is… a long lost cousin of mine. He has special needs.”

“Until we can get to the bottom of this, you’re coming with me,” he said. Lyra gasped when the cop pulled out silver hoofcuffs. With unyielding force, he placed the hoofcuffs on… the record store cashier. “There. You’ll be safe with those hoofcuffs on. Come on miss, let’s find that monster and bring him to justice!”

“Yeah, sure… yay justice.”

The pink mare, whom some have called Pinkie Pie, knew no qualms when it came to chasing something she finds magnificent - in this case, Sasquatch. She flew over the clouds like a hawk searching for prey from the heavens. “Alright big guy, where are you?” she said to herself. She pulled out a spyglass and scanned the ground for the hairy giant. “Ah-Ha! There you are!” She put the pedal to the metal, and soared close to the running Sasquatch. When she was in close proximity, she pulled out a rocket launcher that was somehow connected to her back. “I have you now!” She pressed the trigger, and a boxing glove was launched.

Sasquatch was not sure, but he thought he heard high pitched laughter above him. He turned his head back and saw a pink pony on a flying machine. She was holding a huge log and was aiming it at him. “Ughh?” he thought to himself. The pink pony smiled at him, still aiming at that rather large log at him. With thunderous popping sound materialized into a red boxing glove that advancing straight toward him. Sasquatch ducked his head and the boxing glove hit another pony instead.

“Drat!” Pinkie yelled, “I missed!” She reloaded her rocket launcher and aimed it again at Sasquatch. The beast roared and ran into the trees to hide. “You can’t get away from me!” Pinkie yelled. She pedaled faster and hovered over the forest area. Pinkie kept her boxing glove launcher aimed at the ground. “Where are you now?”

Sasquatch was hiding behind the trees. He could see the pink pony with her flying above the forest. He had to think of something, and quick! Sasquatch back away from the tree, but not too far that the crazy pony could see him. He put his hands over his mouth and went, “Coocoo! Coocoo! Coocoo!” A few seconds later, a hawk flew by his side. Sasquatch commanded the bird of prey to attack the pony on the flying machine.

Pinkie continued her search for the hairy giant. She kept her eyes and her boxing glove launcher close to the ground. “When I find you,” she said to herself, “You’re going to have a big party with all my friends! I can’t wait to write to Maude about this!”

“SCREEEECH!” went a noise. Pinkie turned to her side and saw a hawk flying right at her. The hawk scratched her with its claws and poked her with its sharp beak. “Ow! Ow! Oww! Hey, stop it!” Pinkie pleaded. “I’m telling Fluttershy on you!” Pinkie lost control of her legs, and the flying machine went crashing down into the ground.

When Sasquatch saw the flying machine go down, he let out victorious grunts. The hawk flew past him, giving Sasquatch a salute before leaving elsewhere. Sasquatch, now free from the watchful eye of the pink pony, ran out of the forest and back into town.

The police officer and Lyra followed Wynonna as she sniffed out the scent of Sasquatch. They passed many broken windows and turned over carts. Lyra did not need the dog to figure out Sasquatch has been here.

“Ma’am, is this your dog?” The cop asked Lyra.

“Actually, the dog belongs to a friend a mine. I’m just watching it for her,” she said. Lyra realized that she was on a lying streak today. She wondered what would Applejack say to her if she found Wynonna.

“Well, whoever that dog belongs to, she sure has a fine nose,” the cop said. Wynonna stopped sniffing and barked at Lyra and the Cop.

“What is Wynonna?”

“Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!”

“Sasquatch went that way?”

“Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!”

“Are you sure?”

“Ruff!”

Lyra and the cop ran with Wynonna to whatever direction she was taking them. Along the way they crossed more broken objects, injured ponies, and carts turned over. “I’m going to be in so much trouble when we find him,” Lyra said to herself.

“Land Sakes!” Applejack exclaimed. “What in tarnation happened here?” When she and Apple Bloom arrived downtown, they found it in pieces, along with ponies scrambling and screaming in every direction. “Jeez, this whole town is in a frenzy! Did Fluttershy bring back another Parasprite?”

Apple Bloom was just as shocked as her older sister was. However, Ponyville was always prone to disasters, she thought, she just did not thought it would happen so soon right after the black hole incident. Apple Bloom reminded herself to apologize to Miss Twilight about that.

“This is insane,” Applejack said. “How on earth are we going to find Wynonna in this heap of mess?”

“Gosh, I hope she’s not hurt,” Apple Bloom added. “I wonder what could’ve caused this.”

“It was a monster!” a voice yelled. Jack and Bloom turned around and saw a scared little colt with a propeller hat with his mother.

“Button Mash? Did you say a monster?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Yeah! It was huge monster! It was big and hairy, and it stole my ice cream!”

“It was wreaking havoc everywhere,” his mother said. “It had so much unstoppable rage. And the worst part is… it stood on two legs!” That statement alone earned a horrific gasp from the farmponies.

“Oh no. Applejack, what if the monster got Wynonna?”

“He better not! If that monster puts a hoof on her, he’s in for an Applejack Grand Smack Slamwhich!”

“That sounds nasty,” Button Mash commented. Applejack lowered her stetson over her head and tightened her lasso. Now she meant serious business. “Come on, Apple Bloom. We gonna hunt us a monster.”

“Pinkie? Pinkie Pie, are you okay?” asked a tomboyish voice. Pinkie slowly opened her eyes after a few minutes of unconsciousness to the sight of Rainbow Dash standing over her. Rainbow reached out her forearm and Pinkie grabbed it, standing on all fours again. “Whoa, Pinkie, you look awful. What happened to ya?”

“I think I was attacked by a hawk,” she answered, rubbing her head.

“That’s weird, why would a hawk attack you?”

“I don’t know, it just appeared out of nowhere,” Pinkie said. She put her pink hoof under her chin. She was sure wanted to tell Rainbow about something else that was important, but she could not put her hoof on it. “Oh, hey, there’s also a monster in town!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“A monster?”

“Yeah, he was on a rampage today, and I wanted to catch it! You should have seen him Rainbow! He was all big and hairy, and he looked confused!”

“And you spent all day trying to catch this monster?” Rainbow asked skeptically.

“Yeah! If we hurry, maybe we can catch it together!” Rainbow was unsure about this. She already had enough dangerous adventures after that black hole incident last week and this was her “Lazy Day,” but she figured she had nothing better to do.

“... Sure, let’s go catch him.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Sasquatch was on the run once again. He had to find someplace to hide before the fuzz caught him. He saw a group of ponies and grunted for help, but no matter what he did, the ponies would run away from him. This made him a very angry Sasquatch. He grunted loudly for the ponies to stop running, but none would listen.

He grew really frustrated. Then, he saw something he liked. He saw a giant a tree. This was chance! He pushed the screaming ponies out of the way so he could he get to the tree. Once there, Sasquatch knocked on the wooden door so hard that he knocked it down.

“Hey, you’re gonna pay for that, you know!” a voice called. A small purple reptile walked in front of Sasquatch with a stern look on his face. “What’s the big idea trying too…” The reptile stopped on his words, and his stern eyes turned into that of grievance. Sasquatch snarled and showed the small dragon his crooked sharp yellow teeth.

“Twilight, we have a visitor…”

“Are you sure this is going to work, Pinkie?” Rainbow asked. She and Pinkie Pie were holding a giant net to capture Sasquatch with.

“Of course it will! Nopony can ever escape something like a giant net! It always works, I seen it in movies!”

“You’ve also seen a stallion bend his back while the camera revolved around him when he was dodging bullets in a movie,” Rainbow said.

“I know, that was soooo cool! We gotta watch that movie again Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie exclaimed. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

“We’re getting close, Apple Bloom!” Applejack yelled. “I can hear screaming!” Applejack readied her lasso.

“I think Wynonna is getting close,” Lyra told the cop.

“That’s good news,” the cop said. He pulled out his walkie-talkie and spoke to to it. “Attention all units! Attention all units! Be prepared to take down a giant hairy monster! He is considered armed and extremely stupid! Over!”

Fate, as it seems, is not without a sense of humor. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie readied themselves for the right moment to use their giant net on the monster. Applejack readied her lasso to catch it and tie it up like a bull at a rodeo. The cop had his hoofcuffs on standby, and Lyra had a cookie jar with her.

The three pairs of ponies came to a crossroads, their existence unknown to each other. Pinkie and Rainbow hid behind a tree, Applejack and Apple Bloom hid inside a bush, and the Cop, Lyra, and Wynonna hid behind a giant boulder.

“You think the monster is here,” Rainbow whispered.

“I know so,” Pinkie responded.

“I’m sure gonna give that monster an old fashioned butt whoopin’ for messing with my dog,” Applejack said.

“Be careful,” Apple Bloom warned.

“These new silver hoofcuffs are going to look so good on that monster,” the Cop said.

“I can lure him out with these cookies,” Lyra said.

Wynonna growled.

They waited. And waited. And waited some more. Each one of them were counting slowly to three. When the number three finally came, the six ponies ambushed each other, thinking the other was the monster. A giant net landed on Applejack while her lasso caught Rainbow and Pinkie by the legs, and the cop put hoofcuffs on… himself.

“Oh no, I was the monster this whole time,” the Cop said. “I don’t know how am I going to live with myself. What am I going to tell my wife?”

“None of us is the monster,” Applejack said, “We we’re all acting stupid, that’s what happened.” Applejack heard barking, and was shocked to see that Wynonna was still alive and in one piece. “Wynonna! You’re okay!” She was released from the net, and went to embrace her dog, who returned the favor by licking the farmpony. “I was so worried about you!”

“Oh sniggle bottoms!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. “I thought for sure the monster was here. You lied to me, Pinkie Sense!”

“Applejack, are you okay?” Apple Bloom asked.

“I’m alright, now that I found Wynonna.”

The six ponies looked at each other in awkward silence. Then they heard screaming coming from the next street over, followed by a roar from a ferocious beast. “What the heck was that?” the Cop asked.

“That would be Sasquatch,” Lyra said.